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Preview: The World's Voice of Reason (Movie Reviews)

The World's Voice of Reason (Movie Reviews)

Our super critical, nit picky, sometimes super-fawning, licky, funny, hilarious, always entertaining movie reviews. We love the movies sometimes a bit too much that we see all of the faults up there on the big screen... Warning: We don't review latest r

Last Build Date: Mon, 10 May 2010 08:22:24 GMT


Capricorn One

Mon, 10 May 2010 08:22:15 GMT

"You could cut the conspiracy custard with a knife." "The fact that this movie is rubbish in the second half is a conspiracy in itself. Why didn't the studio want to make a better conspiracy movie on the subject? Very suspicious." "A movie of two halves. Great until they steal the plane that promptly runs out of gas."

Star Trek (2009)

Thu, 04 Feb 2010 09:53:26 GMT

He had me from his first aaarrggh! I am, of course, referring to multimedia legend Captain Kirk as he, as a little nipper, popped out of his mother's uterus on queue at the beginning of this movie, and hencely starts a television and movie franchise that would make the pop science fiction genre one of the most profitable of our lives. Who could possibly have envisioned, as the original CK (not the underpants maker) fought fat green monsters in slow motion, neighed like a horse when under the influence of some nasty aliens or was overcome by fluffy cushions on the Enterprise, that forty years later we would have forgotten about all that embarrassing shit and are now enamored by his longevity, even though now metamorphosed into the impressive twentysomething actor Chris Pine. If I am grasping for a criticism it is that it is too flashy in the lights flashing on the screen sense. Have they just discovered some CGI ability to add light-blur-pulses on the screen? It makes it look like I am looking at the movie with the light glinting off my spectacles but without me looking at it through my spectacles. A vision paradox I am sure a Star Trek episode, of many of their versions, has countenanced and solved since in their 40 minute remit. The most shocking appearance in this movie was that of Leonard Nimoy, playing old Spock. Author of the book 'I am not Spock' in the 1970s, it looked as if the logical half vulcan half human playing actor hated the role. Thankfully he has since reconsidered and adds an old crinkly presumably well paid earthiness to the otherwise bright shiny smiley thing that it is.

High Society

Mon, 11 Jan 2010 13:31:46 GMT

Tracy Samantha Lord (Grace Kelly), is set to marry, however, before the marriage, she has an affair with the reporter sent to cover the marriage (Frank Sinatra - Mike Connor), and she is also clearly still in love with her old husband played by Bing Crosby (CK Dexter Haven). Some great tunes, at least one truly average one, and an awfully 1950s 'black' performance from Louis Armstrong (broad grin, bulging eyes and general effusiveness). This is saved by some great classic songs such as 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire', and the original since much copied Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby version of 'Well, Did You Evah?'

Fast And Furious (The 4th one!)

Sat, 09 Jan 2010 13:12:24 GMT

Vin Diesel (Dominic Toretto) and Paul Walker (Brian O'Connor) team up again (Michelle Rodriguez too as Dominic Toretto's sister) for what probably could best have been the second in the series, but presumably they had script problems and it turned out to be the fourth. It's as good as you could have hoped for. O'Connor now works for the FBI and he's told to arrest Dom. But again he doesn't. Yes folks, this is a pure machismo love story.


Sat, 13 Jun 2009 16:32:46 GMT

Desert Shield to Desert Storm, from the perspective of Marine Anthony Swofford (Jake Gyllenhaal). A sort of drama doc with comedy, gritty reality and loads and loads and loads and loads and loads and loads of sand (including a sand vomit sequence).

Quantum Of Solace

Sat, 13 Jun 2009 14:24:16 GMT

After being betrayed in Casino Royale, James Bond (Daniel Craig), searches for the reason Vespa did what she did. His search opens up a larger, more complicated, conspiracy. A spectacular action adventure. We argue that this is the best 007 ever. (Casino Royale 2006 was flawed by the poker game going on too long and how did Bond get to Miami so quickly?)

Sex And The City, The Movie

Thu, 28 May 2009 09:15:42 GMT

"One for devout fans who watched up to the end of the TV series and wept and longed for another episode. For everyone else it isn't."

Miami Vice

Wed, 27 May 2009 08:32:54 GMT

1980's TV favorites Sonny Crocket (this time played by Colin Farrell) and Ricardo Tubbs (Jamie Foxx) have a modern makeover. Expect explosions, gunfire, Cuba and miscellaneous machismos.

Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford

Tue, 26 May 2009 12:19:59 GMT

"If you were to take out all of the dramatic pauses then this movie would be 20 minutes shorter. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for a bit of drama in my acting, but time is money: can't they speed it all up a bit?" "Casey Affleck is absolutely brilliant, magnificent, fantastic. This is a whiney-winning performance from start to finish. A damfangled performance of a lifetime! Five Yeehars!"


Tue, 24 Mar 2009 15:53:33 GMT

Monster attacks Manhattan, all from the point of view of a hand held camera carried by our heroes on their adventures through the being demolished city. Impressively unique monster movie.

She's The Man

Mon, 09 Mar 2009 11:57:35 GMT

"Shakespeare purists will hate this film - there are no men in tights at all. A disgrace from kick-off to final whistle. I want my money back."

The Dam Busters

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 10:19:12 GMT

"Ah, the silence of command. The tension as they wait for news of the bombings at Allied command is breathtaking. Never has a leading character declined a so richly deserved cup of tea."

Mission Impossible 3, Mi:3

Thu, 19 Feb 2009 14:26:33 GMT

"Sorry Mission fans. I just don't believe that a mask could be that convincing. OK, from a distance probably, OK, but from up close? Close like you're kissing the guy? No, nah, nada, no way. I'm not listening . No, No, No, Noooooo. Not possible. No."

Mission Impossible 2 : (aka Mi2)

Thu, 19 Feb 2009 14:25:44 GMT

"I do hope the International Monetary Fund (the real IMF) benefited from this IMF mention. Or should they rename themselves to the Impossible Mission Force? I would just love to meet a real IMF agent, but fear that they would not look half as buff as our Tom, probably more like an accountant an economist or heavens forbid, a dirty rotten banker."

Transformers (2007)

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 13:16:04 GMT

Building sized robots can disguise themselves as cars and helicopters and articulated trucks and they are on earth waiting for a cube to come. (And there's no point in you running for the hills because they can run faster than you.)