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Be an expert! Be furious! Be well worn!



Last Build Date: Tue, 05 May 2009 23:39:30 +0000

Copyright: Copyright 2009
 



What does the phrase "proud of the ground" mean?

Tue, 05 May 2009 23:39:30 +0000

Dear Mr Mountie

What does the phrase “proud of the ground” (as in “the bunker access hatch sits approx. one meter proud of the ground”) mean?

Yours Truly

Ed

Dear Ed

The word proud comes from the late Old English word prud or prute which probably heralds from the Old French prud which is an oblique case of the adjective prouz which means brave or valiant, and in turn comes from the Late Latin word prode, meaning advantageous.

As anyone who ever played a game of King of the Hill can attest, gaining height gives you an advantage over your enemy, in fact, height and advantage have been pretty much synonymous even before the invention of the Machicolation. Hence, the phrase “proud of the ground” refers to height, or advantage; the quality of having a superior or more favourable position.

Yours Truly

Mr Mountie




What's the correct name for your high brown boots?

Tue, 28 Apr 2009 22:22:22 +0000

Dear Mountie

If you answer this question I’ll believe that you are indeed a fellow Mountie:

What’s the correct name for your high brown boots?

Hint… They are named after a real British Lord.

Possibly “The Real Mountie”

Dear Possibly

Although once, on a journey through Labrador he survived on a diet of Moss, Donald Alexander Smith known as Lord Strathcona and Mount Royal was a great Empire-builder of the Victorian era, and one of the founders of the Dominion of Canada. Throughout his life he most worthily adhered to his ancestral motto, “Stand fast.”

From none of his herculean enterprises did he emerge so triumphantly as from the stupendous task of building and financing the Canadian Pacific Railway, whose completion was signalized by the ringing blows on that spike in the rocky gorge of the Canadian Craigellachie. None, that is, apart from the inspiration for the conception, design and manufacture of the Strathcona High-Brown Police Boot that distinguishes the RCMP from any other police force in the world, be they mounted, or not.

Yours Truly

Mr Mountie




Should I Tell Her Or Just Lez Be Friends?

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 22:14:44 +0000

OH WISE AND WITTY MOUNTIE,

IM 51 YEARS OLD DIVORCED SINGLE WOMAN AND FOUND FOR THE FIRST TIME A BUDDING DEEPENING LOVE FOR ANOTHER WOMAN ALSO OF MY AGE WHOS ALSO DIVORCED SINGLE AND A FWB.

OH THE WOE OF BEING A CHRONE AND YET THE WISDOM OF KNOWING THE SECOND FIRST TIME AROUND IT IS TRUE LOVE.

SHOULD I TELL HER OR JUST LEZ BE FRIENDS.,

PENNYROYALE

Dear PennyRoyale

When you say FWB, do you mean Front Wheel Break or Fort Walton Beach? I feel the answer to your question depends wholly on wether you’re referring to an automobile component or a city on the Emerald Coast of northwest Florida.

Since it has taken me over 14 months to answer your question (I have been otherwise engaged, for which I apologise) I will waste no more of your time and provide an answer for each particular scenario;

a) When you’re referring to your budding love as a “Front Wheel Break” you are betraying a fear of a most primeval archetype - Newton’s first law tells you that an object wants to keep going in a straight line until acted on by an external force. Improperly modulating the force applied on a Front Wheel Brake has the effect of bringing your “velocipede” to a sudden and impromptu stop, shifting you, the rider to the front with a momentum that will aviate you past the handlebars, making you crash to the ground with some force.

On the other hand,

b) Likening your beau to a north-western city of Florida, favoured by retirees in loud acrylic shirts set on spending their remaining days in a humid climate, only ever disturbed by the odd hurricane warning on the local cable channel, evidences a fear that what you might have going at the moment will be either too mild-mannered, or, according to some theorists, not mild-mannered enough.

Regardless, I suggest checking the all-caps key on your computer. It seems to be a bit stuck.

Yours Truly

Mr Mountie




Why is Good Friday called Good Friday?

Wed, 08 Apr 2009 23:18:22 +0000

Dear Mountie

Why is Good Friday called Good Friday?

Yours etc.

Gordon

Dear Gordon

The Good part of the Good Friday is peculiar to the English Language. Other languages refer to this particular day as the Mourning or Long Friday. Some scholars think that due to a mix-up with the o’s Good Friday originally was the somewhat more pious God Friday, but there is no conclusive proof to back up this point.

Good Friday does have a particular dilemma attached to it as it presupposes a knowledge of the outcome of the particular events that may or may not have occurred on this day. Although retrospective naming of specific events aren’t unusual, giving away the ending is never a great idea, which is why we prefer the somewhat less tell-tailing vendredi de pâques

Yours Truly

Mr Mountie




What does it mean when he doesn't call back?

Tue, 18 Dec 2007 17:25:51 +0000

Dear Mountie

What does it mean when he doesn’t call back?

Fairtradefloozy

Dear Floozy

You should always assume that the lack of an incoming call would be due to a persistent, abnormal, and unwarranted fear of telephones from the other party. However, there are many other reasons than extreme fear or avoidance of using the telephone as to why someone would not return your call, including, but not limited to; innumeracy, lack of hands, washing of the hair, chronic narcolepsy and the closure of the specific residential telephone account.

Yours Truly

Mr Mountie




Is it true that you can have oral sex with a anteater?

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 21:30:16 +0000

Dear Mountie

Is it true that you can have oral sex with a anteater?

Charlie

Dear Charlie

Although Vermilingus is not a speciality subject of mine, I can assure you that the anteater, the aardvark, the numbat, the echidna, and the pangolin are examples of species that, although their tongue can be flicked up to 150-160 times a minute, really implores you to think really carefully about the difference between ‘could’ and ‘should’.

Yours Truly

Mr Mountie




Mountie, are you homosexual?

Tue, 06 Nov 2007 22:12:19 +0000

Mountie, are you homosexual?

I just find many of you answers so witty and insightful and it is rare that something so wonderful comes from the mind of a straight man. Or perhaps I am completely wrong, perhaps you are a woman. Do they have women mounties?

Gay Here To

Dear Gay Here To

They do, in fact, women have made significant contributions to the RCMP over the years serving as wives, civilian and regular members.

On May 23, 1974 RCMP Commissioner M.J. Nadon made an announcement that the RCMP would begin accepting applications from woman for regular police duties.

Since 1975 women have made considerable progress. For example, in 1981 the first female was promoted to corporal and the first females served on the Musical Ride.

The Musical Ride, performed by a full troop of thirty-two riders and horses, consists of the execution of a variety of intricate figures and cavalry drill choreographed to music. Demanding utmost control, timing and coordination, these movements are formed by individual horses and riders, in two’s, four’s and eight’s at the trot and at the canter.

Yours Truly

Mr Mountie




I find cyber sex to be a painful experience

Tue, 30 Oct 2007 23:34:27 +0000

Dear Mountie

I find cyber sex to be a painful experience. I always get my scrotum caught in the keyboard. Please give me advise.

Andrew

Dear Andrew

“Advice” is the noun, “advise” the verb. When The Mountie advises people, he gives them advice.

Yours Truly

Mr Mountie




What am I doing now?

Tue, 23 Oct 2007 22:04:40 +0000

Dear Mountie

What am I doing now?

Sarah

Dear Sarah

Are you building coordination, grace, strength, and flexibility by discovering the joy of organic dance?

Are you mastering milking with right hand while left hand holds receptacle? Are you reducing tibiofemoral compressive loads to diminish your menisci damage by cycling backwards?

Are you building an extremely dangerous bottle rocket inspired by Mr. Hayhurst?

Are you stuffing a chicken with Apple, Sage and Onion, to serve with chicken-giblet gravy?

Damn it, JIm! I’m a Mountie, not a fairground clairvoyant.

Yours Truly

Mr Mountie




Which Super-hero would you send to stop a meteor shower?

Tue, 09 Oct 2007 22:10:01 +0000

Dear Mountie

If a meteor storm was threatening to destroy the Earth, which Super-heroe would you send to stop it and why?

Charles G

Dear Charles

I would send Captain Canuck (AKA Tom Evans), largely due to his Super-strength and super-speed, but mostly because of his affiliation with the R.C.M.P. (as well, of course, with the C.I.S.O.)

I would have to make sure, of course, that I got the original Captain Canuck, as opposed to Captain Canuck II (AKA David Semple), whose only supposed super power is being a trained gymnast.

Yours Truly

Mr Mountie




What would you do if a bald Irishman tried to sell you a stolen swan in the month of May?

Tue, 18 Sep 2007 21:37:22 +0000

Dear Mountie

What would you do if a bald Irishman tried to sell you a stolen swan in the month of May?

Yours etc.

Basil Seal

Dear Basil Seal

I’d say to him:

“Could you do wid a cup o’ tay? De spike don’t open till six.”

Yours Truly

Mr Mountie




how did you become so damn knowledgable?

Tue, 11 Sep 2007 23:25:56 +0000

Dear Mountie

how did you become so damn knowledgable? it seems you have an answer for every question. i want to be just like you when i grow up. any advice to give me on how to achieve that?

Johna Garrah

Dear Johna Garrah

To be just like me when you grow up you should ensure that you always use a capital letter at the start of every sentence.

Yours Truly

Mr Mountie




Is the hokey pokey really what its all about?

Tue, 04 Sep 2007 14:16:33 +0000

Dear Mountie

Is the hokey pokey really what it’s all about???

Kyle

Dear Kyle

The Hokey Pokey, or the Hokey Cokey, depending on what side of the Atlantic Ocean you reside, is by many considered an innocent song-and-dance routine, perfect for a family gathering or an office barbecue.

However, as recently as 1999, an Anglican clergyman discovered that the song’s origin is as a parody of the Latin Mass

“The words “hokey cokey” were a mishearing, or a deliberate parody, of the Latin phrase “Hoc est enim corpus meum”.”

Further to the blasphemous point, the flinging of the Limbs (In, out, shake it all about) is also nothing but an insulting mimicry of the Clergy’s movements as they celebrated the Mass.

The Oxford Dictionary claims that Hokey Cokey is derived from Latin phrases used in Satanic Masses, so unless you are a Magician with a weakness for the black arts, you should probably stay well away.

Yours Truly

Mr Mountie




What would happen to a blowfish in outer space?

Tue, 28 Aug 2007 22:35:32 +0000

Dear Mountie

What would happen to a blowfish in outer space?

chad

Dear chad

Are you referring to the Tetraodontidae, the primaraly marine and estuarine fish, which highly toxic organs must be avoided when preparing Fugu, or the encryption algorithm (similar in structure to CAST-128) which is named after the fish, or perhaps Blowfish.com the adult toy store from San Francisco, famous for their “Cone”- the hands-free toy made of fresh pink silicone, equipped with a 16 function motor that ripples and shakes at a variety of intensities.

My answer would depend heavily on which one you are referring to.

Yours Truly

Mr Mountie




Did Michael Landon have childern and where was burry at?

Tue, 21 Aug 2007 23:17:10 +0000

Dear Mountie

Did Michael Landon have childern and where was burry at?

Terry Orcutt

Dear Terry Orcutt

Let me first state that I admire your conjectural strategy in constructing your inquiry.

Michael Landon had 9 children, but unlike George Forman he only named one of these after himself.

As for the second part of the question I assume you’re not asking about Mr. Landon’s prickliness, but rather where his final resting place is located.

The address to Michael Landon’s Mausoleum is:

Hillside Memorial Park
Culver City
Los Angeles County
California, USA

Yours Truly

Mr Mountie