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Until All have Heard

Last Build Date: Wed, 13 Dec 2017 14:11:59 +0000


a birth story; my sweet wesley

Fri, 18 Jan 2013 03:48:00 +0000

i am the typical girl when it comes to babies; i "oo" and "coo" and "woo" and get all mushy and happy when i'm holding a baby, especially a newborn baby.on May 6th when i found out i was pregnant, i couldn't have been more shocked or surprised, but once that wore off the joy and anticipation for what was to come was more than i knew what to do with. On august 16th when we found out "it's a boy"  and we picked the name 'Wesley' i didn't think i could be more thrilled. On January 9th when i knew the contractions were "real" and not just a cruel trick to get my heart pumping, i couldn't imagine what the next 27 hours would be like; after years of reading birth stories online and watching "a baby story" on tlc it was finally my turn... I went to bed at 10pm on Wednesday January 9th with mild contractions that had been coming off and on for a few hours, but i wasn't getting my hopes up, i was 2 days past my due date and had already gone through a couple bouts with false labor. almost as soon as i was in bed the contractions started coming at a very consistent rate. i kept glancing at the clock and thinking "man these feel quick...". after half an hour i got up and grabbed my phone off the charger and started using my "contraction timer" app. Dean came to bed at about 11:30 and my contractions were averaging every 6-7 minutes and lasting 45-65 seconds... and they felt completely different than any contractions i had previously experienced. I tried to relax and go to sleep, but sleep wouldn't come...only contractions that seemed to get more painful each time... after tossing and turning for another hour i got up and went in the nursery to sit on a yoga ball and try to let Dean sleep. 1am, 2am, 3am, 4am.... i climbed back in bed at 4:30am after hours of non-stop contractions and every imaginable position a yoga ball and rocking chair can offer... i contractions started becoming less frequent, but not less intense, every 7-10minutes but lasting 65-70 seconds. I got up to pee at 5:45am and could see the dawn trying to peek up out our bathroom window. I prayed for sleep. I got back in bed and the next thing i knew i was waking up to Dean's alarm and another contraction at 7:30am...i had slept! Not incredibly restful, but sleep it was! Dean asked if i was still having contractions and when i said "yes. right now!" He said he wouldn't be going to work and we both snuggled in and tried to sleep for another hour and a half. We staggered out of bed at 9 and tried not to be as tried as we felt. I had my 40 week Doctor appointment scheduled for 10:30 and figured we could wait until then to figure out if it was false labor or not... we packed up the car with the hospital bags and car seat just in case...just before leaving for the hospital. 40weeks 3daysBy the time we arrived at the clinic for my appointment my contractions were pretty inconsistent, but not any less painful. my (incredible, amazing, awesome) Dr checked me and i was 3cm and 80% effaced... she said it was safe to say (based on the night before) that i was in active labor!!! Woo-hoo! she called Labor & Delivery and they had no patients and said i could come over and get checked in! Dean and i made our way from the clinic to L&D with small talk and both secretly wondering what was ahead for us that day... baby time?! now? really?We got checked in to our room and answered the nurses questions as she hooked me up to a fetal heart rate monitor and contraction monitor. Dean was a week overdue for a hair cut and since Dr Goodwin said it would be an hour before she could come check me and see how things were progressing i sent him off for a haircut and to grab a couple random things from home!He came back with a nice haircut and my laptop... we needed to watch a video to get "in the mood" for what was ahead... allowFullScreen='true' webkitallowfullscreen='true' mozallowfullscreen='true' width='320' height='266' src='' FRAMEBORDER='0' />Now, i have always been and advocate for "natural child birth" and had[...]


Sun, 06 Jan 2013 06:21:00 +0000

13. it's supposed to be an "unlucky" number. not really sure why or who started that silliness, but i do know this: 2013 is going to be my favorite year yet... or at least close to it.

13 ingredients to make sure 2013 is top notch:

- Wesley Dean Goossen, you are due to make your arrival any day now and i am eagerly anticipating all the things that come with being your mom. i can't wait. you already have a nickname and i don't think it's going anywhere wes. i'm so curious about all the things you will bring into my heart and life that i haven't expected or imagined and i'm excited to share adventures with you as you grow and learn.

- take a risk or two; live in a place where faith beyond what you know makes each breath more wonderful and each step more free.

- love like i mean it. beyond what is safe. beyond what is comfortable. more than i've given, more than i've got. why hold back in love?  to love relentlessly has got to be better than to never have loved and always wonder it's joy.

- restore. take something that is broken and make it new. better. not a better version of what it once was, completely re-done for something greater than it's originally thought purpose and goal.

- awaken hope. find the embers in the closed up places and hearts and start a fire that cannot be stopped.

- sing in front of people again. it's only been 7 years.

- don't let fear hold me back. it's not worth it. ever.

- be a wife to love. i married for love and am so glad i did. i married a man worth more than i know and more precious to me than any other person the least i could do is be a wife worth loving. serve his heart. look for secret ways to make him come alive. search out the desires in his heart. believe in his dreams. sit in the front row when he preaches. affirm what an incredible leader he is. be a wife that is no burden to love.

- be teachable. i don't know it all. i don't have it figured out. i want to always be learning more than i'm teaching in order that i won't come to a place where i think i have more to offer than people want to hear.

- be soft. not to touch, but in my continence; be approachable and kind.

- go to a different country. it's been too long. take in a culture and embrace a people.

- write a letter to a friend far away. on paper. in the mail. with a stamp.

-  take in each moment with as much joy as a child on Christmas morning... eagerly anticipating what's under the wrapping, not worrying about if it was on the "wish list", but just thankful it was there waiting to be unwrapped.

cheers 2013. cheers to you. 

re-post wednesday

Wed, 08 Jun 2011 20:10:00 +0000

recently it seems like my words do not fall together in the rhythm they once knew. not only in my like of writing but even in my speech. it might be all in my head, but it's the truth. the desire to write is there, the words just seem to be falling flat. june 2010 was an interesting month for me, and now being a year away from it, i love it very dearly. i love what God did in me. i love the challenges i faced, as bizarre and unexpected as they were. i love all that has happened between then and now. i love that water under the bridge and time under a band-aid heals wounds. it's a marvelous thing to be able to look back; especially when your vision has been sharpened, your heart has been massaged into something softer and your perspective has gained some has been that kind of a day. a looking back day. the last 6 months. the last 8 months and the last year and a half. perhaps it's because i have a unique ability to remember things in extreme detail and remember dates with an uncanny quickness or perhaps it's because because the summer of 2010 will not quickly be forgotten. whatever it is, i decided to venture into the blog roll from last summer to see what i saw then and how i see it now. the following post made me cry. it made my heart skip a beat. it made a funny "i remember that" smile cross my face. and then there was a sigh. a deep, long sigh... as if to say "thank you Lord that you never leave us where we are when we say Yes to you, but instead you pull us forward." enjoy....---------un-worthy. truly thankful.this last week has been interesting. i have been overwhelmed by one thought:i am not worthy to receive this grace or love, yet i can't go on without it. through a series of rather unexpected events and crazy conversations i have had an intense week. the deepest part of my soul gave way and i feel my depth of understanding has deepened.have you ever com face to face with the ugly truth that you are not perfect? as much as i know this fact and have known this fundamental truth that no one is so, i sometimes get caught in the comparison game. i think that because i have not done "this" or "that" i have earned the right to stand taller.i's the plain truth.we all sin.however after years in the church and years of knowing my salvation i had somewhere along the way lost sight of the fact that i am (always) in desperate need of grace and forgiveness. i don't know if repentance became routine or if my sin somehow seemed smaller, but somewhere along the way i lost the depth of the seems impossible. it's the cross. it's the foundation of my salvation. it's the emblem of my faith. how could i have lost that? as crazy as it sounds the depth of the meaning of the cross got lost somewhere in my pursuit of the One who hung on it.this week something happened inside me. it felt like an odd combination of a swift kick in the rear and heart surgery.i have work to do! i have a calling and a purpose that is greater than i know or could imagine! i have work to do! what makes me worthy of the anointing i desire? what makes me able to GO and DO what God asks me to do?as much as i can't earn anointing or favor by doing good things or praying over X amount of students, i can control the contents of my character. the content of my character must be able to hold the weight of an anointing and the power of Christ in me.a while back i wrote a this post about grace. the grace of God has been something that i have been searching out, reading about, listening to messages about and talking about in a pretty huge way for about nine months. this week i experienced that grace in a way i can't remember experiencing any other time up until now.the grace of God is meant to compel us to righteous living not give us a reason to continue in sin. (Romans 6)that is something i have "known" in my head for a long time. i do my best to pursue righteous living. i strive to seek first the kingdom of God. i also try not to be a repeater of sin. i said it yesterday like this;sin[...]

it's a new word.

Sun, 15 May 2011 00:50:00 +0000

closer-ish. (noun) a describing word. closer in proximity. closer in countries. closer in time zones. the new distance that two people are physically from each other.
Cassie is so happy that her sister is now closer-ish.

This word and definition actually apply to both my sisters in this picture...

...however today i am especially thankful that my sister
(the one to the right of me) is closer-ish.
She just arrived home from Argentina; it's been entirely too long since i have seen her!
(the one in the pink) is currently in Denver CO with YWAM...
which also makes her closer-ish to my current location.


Yup, i'm still here.
Sometimes silent in the blogging world, but alive and well; shivering my way through the
Minnesota Spring and praying Summer comes soon.

minnesota when.

Mon, 07 Mar 2011 17:17:00 +0000

i've been writing this post in my head for 2 months now, it's time to get it out know you live in minnesota when...- you become an "old lady" within the first week of living here because you use a heating blanket and humidifier every night.- you go for a drive with your fiance and see 10,000 (literally) people standing on a frozen lake in a competition ice fishing tournament.- it's -36* on the said day of the ice fishing tournament.- across the highway from the said ice fishing tournament there is another frozen lake... with rows and rows of parked CARS/TRUCKS/BUSES & SUVS from the said 10,000 people who are fishing on the other lake.- one day it is 31* and while out for a drive you say to your fiance "it makes me so happy that it has warmed up enough for the kids to play in the snow."- you get to work and can't find a parking spot close to the door because there are 100 snow mobiles in the parking lot. the drivers/riders are all inside having dinner.- snow mobile-ing is not just for sport in minnesota, it's also a means of "normal" transportation and NOT uncommon to see them at the grocery store, the tanning salon, Wal- Mart, Dairy Queen and parked along the street in front of people's houses.- by some miracle of Jesus the second week in February the weather warms up to 45*, this for "normal" minnesotians is the que for SHORTS, FLIP-FLOPS, T-SHIRTS and leaving the house without a fuzzy hat & scarf.- a week after the 45* weather it's a blizzard outside and you insist to your fiance that it's not that bad and you can make it the 18 mile drive home just fine. you promise to go slow and proceed to take off into the pitch black and snowinglikecrazy night. 48 minutes later you make it home. On the way you realize your fiance man was right and it was CRAZY to try and drive in weather like this! here's why;A. the wind was whipping so hard you were certain you were going to take flight.B. the snow was blowing in EVERY direction (Up, Down, Sideways to the Left and Right) making it nearly impossible to see more than 10 feet ahead of the car.C. on the 9 miles of county highway between "town" and your road you see exactly 1 other car, no snow-plows, no snow-mobiles, no big trucks, nothing. (this is VERY rare for this hwy).D. you realize multiple times that you can't tell where the side of the road is... on either side, and due to the fact that traffic is non existent you decided that driving down the middle of the road (or what you hope is the middle) is the safest bet.E. Once you turn onto your road you realize NO ONE has driven on this road since the blizzard started 5 hours ago. Once again you decide the "middle" is your best bet.F. the normal 2 minutes it takes to get from the hwy to your drive way takes nearly 15 minutes.- the ground under the hwy freezes to deep/hard/insanely that the road actually "buckles" causing a "speed bump" effect for 3 miles.- it's your dad's birthday (March 6th) and you realize you have never seen so much snow on the ground on this day in your life, and just when you think "that's insane!" it starts snowing. and doesn't stop for 12 hours.- contrary to popular belief Hockey is actually a sport and people play it, follow it, drive hours to see it and keep track of what teams are doing well. weird, i know.- also contrary to popular belief Hockey is something people start playing when they are 5-6years old, kind of like t-ball where i come from. They play the regular season, get on select teams, travel all over to play it and spend way too much money 0n gear.- tanning is a hobby. it's something to do when there is nothing else you want to leave your house to do. everyone tans. grandma's, grandpa's, chef's at high end restaurants, the verizon guy, the starbucks manager, the bass player in the band and the 13 year old girl (with her mom's consent of course). everyone is tan. always.other random facts about living in minnesota,- it hasn't rained once in 3 months since i moved here.-[...]

love. life.

Fri, 04 Mar 2011 07:32:00 +0000


so this is love? i'm so blessed.

it's been awhile since posting about my fantastic engagement.
life has had it's ups and also some downs.
i find it hard to write when i don't know how to feel.
not having consistent internet did not help either.
so here i am at 1:52am on a thursday night,
dusting off the blog and being determined to tell you all about the exciting life i live,
and the glorious things God is doing!

thank you?

Wed, 29 Dec 2010 03:28:00 +0000

I'm ENGAGED and here's the story....Monday December 27, 2010The day started with sleeping in and yummy breakfast....Wait, back up a minute... Dean and i had been planning for weeks that Monday would be the day we went out on our "hot" date! For weeks I had been going back and forth in my head answering the looming question "when is he going to ask me?". By the time Monday arrived I had pretty much convinced myself that he did not have the ring and that he was not planning a Colorado proposal.We ate breakfast and headed out on our adventure; I was excited to experience Colorado Springs from his perspective and see all the sights that i had heard so much about. We started the day by stopping at a frozen lake and walked out on the ice to a gazebo...i was freaking out because it was 45* outside and we were walking on ice!!!! After i had freaked out and we had explored the park near the frozen lake we headed down the mountain. Next stop was a trip to the Focus on the Family head-quarters; I have been looking forward to visiting "Whit's End" for as long as i can remember and i was like a little kid anticipating Christmas. We mosied around Focus on the Family for a while and once my childhood dream seem fulfilled we headed out for lunch and the next stop.I have seen pictures of Garden of the Gods for many years and with my love and longing for Smith Rocks fresh in my head i was delighted to see all the sights and take a million pictures of the big red rock formations. Dean grew up visiting the Garden of the Gods all the time and shared so many memories with me :) We had so much fun! As we left the thought crossed my mind, "goodness we have been to a million beautiful places today... you would think..." I decided not to get my hopes up and enjoy my date with my man!As we continued to drive around my heart was so happy listening to my man tell so many stories about the city he grew up in! The sun was setting and the stars started popping out as we drove up a hill to the middle of the city. Dean had played pranks with friends at the park on the hill and i was cracking up listening to him relive his teenage days. Again the thought crossed my mind, "this is so beautiful..." Just as before i shook the thought out of my head and focused on my man!After star-gazing and admiring all the lights of Colorado Springs Dean said he wanted to take me one more place before dinner. After a bit of a drive we headed up into the mountains and into an incredible canyon filled with Christmas lights on display and elves taking donations to view the sights. As we parked the car i casually asked Dean if he thought i would need my camera he replied with "you might regret it if you don't bring it." i was CLUELESS to the hidden meaning of the statement! As we walked up the hill full of beautiful lights i was aw struck by the cliff face and magic of the season. We headed up an elevator to an observation deck overlooking 7 amazing waterfalls! Not only do i LOVE waterfalls, but i also LOVE Christmas lights, so the combination was incredible! I was taking pictures of everything i saw and was totally ooblivious to my increasingly nervous boyfriend! After we had frozen our noses sufficiently we walked into the gift shop to look at the cheesy overpriced things gift shops sell. I found a fake diamond the size of my fist and proceeded to joke around about it being my engagement ring. Dean took pictures of this silly girl being a dork with a fake diamond, totally oblivious to what was about to happen. When nothing else looked interesting enough to ponder, Dean insisted that we go back out and find someone to take some pictures of us with the waterfalls in the background. Amazingly, we found a real photographer who actually knew how to use my camera. He was more than happy to snap a few photos of us and when i switched some settings he asked if we wanted a few more and Dean replied "will you take a couple [...]

one more?

Fri, 19 Nov 2010 23:19:00 +0000

"One more? One more Jesus Loves Me song?"

I've heard these 8 little words a lot recently. Seven's vocabulary is growing like crazy and i'm impressed with his thoughts and questions every day.

I would like to say today was no different, but it was. You see, today is the day of "lasts". It's the last time i get to walk into a dark room in the morning and say "good morning bugga-boo! it's cassie!". It was the last time i get to take off his jammies and help pic out clothes. It was the last time we get to argue about what's for breakfast. It was the last time we get to dance around the kitchen to The Ping Pong song by Enrique Iglesias (not the best song ever, but SO FUN to dance to with a 2 year old!). It was the last time we got to go visit Great Grandma together. It was the last date to Looney Bean together. It was the last tickle fight on the fuzzy rug before nap time. It was the last snuggles in the rocking chair before nap time when he said those words... "One more? One more Jesus Loves Me song?"

and then the tears came. and have not actually stopped in 30 minutes.

You see today, i sneezed and for the first time Seven said "bess you! bess you! bess you!".

We went to Safeway and chocolate chips were on sale i said "oh my goodness! this is GREAT", Seven said "oh my doodness, SO GREAT!"

Someone told me today he is apart of my legacy. i drove away and cried.

You see, today is the last day i get to spend with the little red-haired boy who has stolen my heart. We got home from town today and i took his little black car-seat out of my car. I removed the garage door opener from my visor. I changed a diaper and cleaned a room. I put his precious little shoes in their place and rocked him with a song.

At my house I am in the midst of packing my bags, boxes, and tubs. Minnesota is waiting. My heart is torn in two. Hope, future and love beckons me forward. Safety, promises fulfilled and love hold me back.

You see, i am so excited for what's ahead, but right now i just want one more "little baby kiss". I want one more Jesus Loves me song with my little man. I want to hear him call my name when he wakes up from his nap. just one more...
(last photo of us together.)

i take pictures...

Mon, 08 Nov 2010 07:40:00 +0000

plain and simple truth: i love him.


for more of my recent work!

your new favorite band.

Sun, 24 Oct 2010 16:38:00 +0000

(yes, this is a shameless plug for my man's band!)Coming SOON to a city near YOU! SILVERLINE - US TOUR DATES Oct 26 El Paso, Texas -Open Gate Community Church Oct 28 Albuquerque, New Mexico -El Rey Theatre Oct 29 Las Vegas, Nevada -Valley Bible Fellowship Oct 30 Phoenix, Arizona -Southwestern College Oct 31 Indio, California -Destiny Special Events Center Nov 4 Yorba Linda, California -Yorba Linda Friends Church Nov 5 Redlands, California -Packing House Nov 6 Bakersfield, California -Valley Bible Fellowship Nov 7 Peteluma, California -Phoenix Theatre Nov 10 Medford, Oregon -Main 1 Arts Center Nov 11 Eugene, Oregon -McDonald Theatre Nov 12 Portland, Oregon -Rolling Hills Community Church Nov 13 Tacoma, Washington -Temple Theater Nov 15 Spokane, Washington -The Service Station Nov 16 Tri Cities (Kennewick), Washington -Toyota Center Nov 18 Salt Lake City, Utah -Avalon Theater Nov 19 Denver, Colorado -Marque Theatre Nov 27 Dallas, Texas -The Door Dec 5 Bourbonnais, Illinois -College Church of the Nazarene Today's the day they're on their way! Go to for more information ...but mostly, GO TO A SHOW![...]

M is for Minnesota.

Fri, 22 Oct 2010 22:00:00 +0000

just in case you were wondering...

M is for Minnesota.

Minnesota has 90,000 miles of shoreline, more than California, Florida and Hawaii combined.

The Mall of America in Bloomington is the size of 78 football fields --- 9.5 million square feet.

The stapler was invented in Spring Valley, Minnesota

Rollerblades were the first commercially successful in-line Roller Skates. Minnesota students Scott and Brennan Olson invented them in 1980, when they were looking for a way to practice Hockey during the off-season. Their design was an ice hockey boot with 3 inline wheels instead of a blade.

Minnesota Inventions: Masking and Scotch tape, Wheaties cereal, Bisquick, HMOs, the bundt pan, Aveda beauty products, and Green Giant vegetables

Minnesota has one recreational boat per every six people, more than any other state.

Minnesota's waters flow outward in three directions: north to Hudson Bay in Canada, east to the Atlantic Ocean, and south to the Gulf of Mexico.

Author Laura Ingalls Wilder lived on Plum Creek near Walnut Grove.

Minneapolis’ famed skyway system connecting 52 blocks (nearly five miles) of downtown makes it possible to live, eat, work and shop without going outside.

The climate-controlled Metrodome is the only facility in the country to host a Super Bowl, a World Series and a NCAA Final Four Basketball Championship.

The first practical water skis were invented in 1922 by Ralph W. Samuelson, who steam-bent 2 eight-foot-long pine boards into skies. He took his first ride behind a motorboat on a lake in Lake City.


Thu, 21 Oct 2010 21:58:00 +0000

it's been in the works for awhile, but today it became real.

i'm moving. once again. this time not down the road and around the corner, i'm moving 1,607 miles. north east. Brainerd, Minnesota ready or not here i come!

today i sent out invitations to my going away party, i reserved a u-haul trailer, and made a countdown for all the important things happening between now and then. (18 days(approx) until my first "niece" is born, 21 days until i see my man, 30 days until my man is in Bend, 33 days until i get to see my family, 35 days until Thanksgiving, 39 days until i move!)

sometime i sit and say two words to God "Minnesota? Really?". Don't get me wrong, i am SO excited for all that is ahead and my heart is (beyond) peaceful that this is right where God is calling me and asking me to go, but never in a million years would i have guessed Minnesota would be my next landing spot! When i moved to Bend and fell in love with all it had to offer, i thought i had found a place i would call home for many, many years. I love my job(s), i love my church, i love the families who live here and have adopted me as their own, i love my friends, i love 180 and i love what God is doing here! There is only one thing missing... my man.

Right now Dean is called to be apart of an awesome Band ( and God has opened a million doors for me to walk through towards Minnesota, so as crazy as it seems, i am ready to go. However...

i am not ready to be a Vikings fan... Go Seahawks!

the "Twins" are my sisters not a baseball team... Mariners, i will always believe in you!

Golden Gopher? are you serious? GO DUCKS!!!!!!!!

St*rbucks is not a coffee shop... how many pounds of Looney Bean Espresso will fit in my u-haul?!

Day trips to Lubbock Texas are fully acceptable and not insane.

Don't make fun of me if you catch me recording video on my new camera... it will be like comfort food someday.

i will always be from the Pacific Northwest and so proud of it.

testing. 1,2,3.

Tue, 19 Oct 2010 06:45:00 +0000

i am falling in love with my new camera!
it's amazing and i am so blessed to have it!
i keep telling people it's like going from
driving a automatic "slug-bug" to driving a 12 speed semi-truck!
it has so many things my old camera didn't have and so many things
i still have to figure out, but i'm LOVING it!
here are some "test shots" from today...

Seven and i testing out the self timer...

i'm so blessed to live in a gorgeous town...

fall. it's a beauty.


Sat, 16 Oct 2010 01:41:00 +0000

yum |yəm| (also yum-yum) informal
used to express pleasure at eating, or at the prospect of eating, a particular food.
(of food) delicious.

although this photo contains no food and i am not eating anything at the moment,
my sentiments are the same.


i'm feeling totally blessed and excited to have this NEW camera at my finger tips and can't wait to see what kind of art we create together.

not ashamed.

Wed, 13 Oct 2010 19:00:00 +0000

"For I am not ashamed of this Good News about Christ.
It is the power of God at work, saving everyone who believes
—the Jew first and also the Gentile."
Romans 1:16

power. who doesn't like power? i for sure like it. i like the power to order my sandwich without olives or the power to pick my friends on Faceb**k. i would say that to some degree each individual likes power.

ashamed. i am ashamed with few things; in fact, i can't think of anything off the top of my head that i am ashamed of.

recently i have been pondering this verse in the context of those who have known the power and yet somehow find themselves ashamed of where it came from. i know a girl who once loved Jesus with the best of them. she loved the church and all it contained. she loved to worship with the best of 'em. she fell asleep to worship music and woke up to the Word. she preached. she prayed. she followed and proclaimed Christ. she, in my opinion was not ashamed.

more recently i have noticed not just her, but other like her shy away from what they have known. i found her struggling to tell me that she had spent time in prayer; "i sat alone and had some soul-searching moments and (long pause) talked to God about my life."

how can the power (among many things) that comes from Life in Christ not be enough to capture one's heart and attention?

how could anyone whose life has collided with the power be ashamed of it?

finding a voice and some tears.

Tue, 12 Oct 2010 21:45:00 +0000

i'm finding my writing voice again. i mentioned in my last post that i was struggling to find the words to express all that is going on in my life at present. Today i woke up and realized there are words in my mouth, mind and heart that are ready to find their voice in the blogging world again. this of course made me really happy, but slightly overwhelmed. where on earth do i even start? so much to say, so many words.

tears, they speak things that words cannot express, let's start there.

when i was a little person i cried due to the physical need to eat, be held or because of pain.

when i was 12 years old i cried a lot. thank you puberty and an incredible influx of hormones.

since then i have cried many a tear. thank you boys, cramps, boys, hormones, emotions and boys.

on July 1st i stepped into the Summer season with more gusto than i ever have had. there was a purpose for this season and i was determined not to miss it. for the next 90 days i did a lot of things; i prayed more, read more, sang more, danced more and worked more.

i also cried more. i'm not sure if i found the tears or they found me but they showed up.

my heart went through a transformation in the last 3 months. i like to say it was tenderized. yes, tenderized like meat. i have always been someone who feels everything deeply. i also am someone who wears my heart on my sleeve, yet when it comes to crying it took a LOT of BIG emotions all packed together to induce the tears to flow.

this has been very different.

someone tells me about the deep things God is doing in their heart? tears.
someone tells me about the joy of a boyfriend doing something incredibly mature and wonderful? tears.
the lights go out during the altar call for 8,000 people? tears.
meeting people whose hearts burst with life and incredible purpose? tears.
praying for 180 girls late at night? tears.
listening to pod-casted messages i've heard a million times? tears.
knowing a little life is growing inside my best friend? tears.
alone reading a book in the sun, when suddenly the Love of God is so real and invades my tanning self? tears.
little person randomly asking for "one more hug?". tears.

my heart has been broken and put back together in a fresh and tender way and i am inclined to embrace it. Please do not be surprised if the next time we share a conversation my face crinkles up and my brow furrows. Do not be alarmed if there is a streak in my makeup or mascara seems misplaced, it's just the tears of a heart learning to feel deeper than the emotions of a heart break or the influx of hormones. i would like to say i now possess the incredible "talent" to cry pretty tears like Jenna Kay or Beth Fischer, but i'm still learning. bare with me while i find my voice and the tears find me.

so much to say.

Tue, 05 Oct 2010 17:19:00 +0000

I have so much to tell the bloggy-world, but i don't have a lot of words ... SO much has been going on in my life in the last couple weeks!!! God is doing AWESOME and AMAZING things! i am excited to see what this next season looks like!

for now please enjoy this video from I Heart Central Oregon & Nick Vujicic

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draw me nearer.

Mon, 20 Sep 2010 18:48:00 +0000

Draw Me Nearer
words and music by Meredith Andrews

For your nearness Lord I hunger
For your nearness Lord I wait
Hold me ever closer Father
Such a love I can't escape

For your nearness I am hoping
For your nearness Lord I long
Have no need of any other
I have found where I belong
Yes, I have found where I belong

So draw me nearer Lord
Never let me go
Closer to your heart
Draw me nearer Lord
Draw me nearer Lord

In your nearness there is healing
What was broken now made whole
Restoration in its fullness
Lasting hope for all who come

In your nearness I take shelter
Where you are is where I'm home
I have need of only one thing
To be here before your throne
To be here before you throne

And keep me here, keep me here
There's nowhere else I rather be
So keep me here, keep me here
There's nowhere else I rather be
There's nowhere else I rather be

So draw me nearer Lord
Never let me go
Closer to your heart
Draw me nearer Lord
Draw me nearer Lord
Draw me nearer my Lord

first comes love.

Sat, 18 Sep 2010 23:16:00 +0000

i have a special like for engaged couples.
especially when the "him" is my little brother.

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congrats Jeremiah & Ashleigh!
i am STOKED to shoot your wedding in December!
(jump on over to my Kekasmai Images site for more pics of these two}

looking back {1 day}

Thu, 09 Sep 2010 16:57:00 +0000

as i get ready to step into the next season of my life and accept that i am really an adult(25 makes it so real), not a small child trapped in a big person's body, i have been looking forward to what's ahead and looking back at what got me here. so today, here is a list.25 things that have brought me this far...- my BIRTH mom i would like to say Thanks and Your Welcome. Thanks for bringing me into this world, and your welcome (not that i really had much choice in the matter) that i wanted to come early and be real little in comparison to my big brother :)- growing up in an amazing family centered on Christ. "thankful" doesn't even come close to expressing how full my heart is when i think of how blessed i am to have grown up in the family i did.- being home educated. once again THANKS MOM! for making a choice to keep us at home, not because you wanted to shelter us from the world, but so that you and Papa could give us a godly/biblical worldview, so that we might be empowered to change the world for Christ! AND, who doesn't love having lunch with their siblings every day, taking "field trips" to the Zoo, taking a break to play outside because weather is nice and being able to study missionaries as a history assignment!?!?!- my brothers. you have all taught me so much! Gregg and Jeremiah. goodness, thinking about growing up with you 2 makes me laugh and want to cry! i'm so happy we got along and did the CRAZY things we did! Thanks for not letting me be a girly-girl. Thanks for teaching me how to play basketball, baseball, football and rollar-blade hockey! Thanks for including me in your laser tag games and capture the flag teams even when i was the only girl! Thanks for being friends with me in junior high and high school... you didn't have to. Thanks for making sure i knew what the mind of a guy is like and how to be a lady who wouldn't settle for a stupid boy.- my sisters. what in the world would i have done if i were the only girl?!?! 6 brothers and me. that would have been insane! I'm SOOOO glad God gave me 5 little sisters to love and hang out with! I love "sissy-time" more than most things! I love that we are close and can stay up all night talking! I am so thankful for all the fun times we had playing house, barbies, dolls and making up dances! i'm proud of each of you!- Billy Graham Crusade. Realizing my need for a savior and a life calling bigger than myself. - running. i started running when i was in 4th grade. the smell of spring reminds me of track season. i have SO MANY great memories from my time on the track.- BSF. Bible Study Fellowship was apart of my life for more years than not. My biblical knowledge and foundation has come from the weeks digging into the Word and learning what Hermeneutical studies are.- Moving to Whatcom County. Scary, but the best thing my parents ever did for us!- Haiti. My first look at world missions. i was 16 and had never been on a plane, much less experienced a 5th world country. My life will forever be changed by the stories i heard and the things i saw... for this i am thankful.- High School relationships. Navigating HS is hard stuff. Trying to figure out friends, boy friends and dating is rough...doing this with crazy emotions and lack of life experience?! oh my goodness! how ever did i survive? I'm thankful for what i learned, but never want to do that again!- Road Trip revelations. June 2004. North Dakota. Hosea 2. Mind blown.- YWAM. Discipleship Training School. I'm not sure it should be called a school, although you learn a lot of stuff and hear a lot of good te[...]

my whole house is great {2 days}

Wed, 08 Sep 2010 15:04:00 +0000

please watch:

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25 things i like (in no particular order):

- i like my Papa and Mama
- i like my jobs
- i like my coffee
- i like my pajamas
- i like my brothers
- i like my sisters and future sister-in-laws
- i like my cameras
- i like my whole house, my whole house is great.
- i like my Seven
- i like my church
- i like my best friend
- i like my purple pillow
- i like my Beth Fischer
- i like my heroes
- i like my dance moves
- i like my 180
- i like my peanut butter creamy
- i like my man
- i like my music loud
- i like my toys with no noise
- i like my road trips
- i like my airplanes
- i like my hair
- i like my secrets
- i like my life, my whole life is great

licking the bowl {3 days}

Tue, 07 Sep 2010 22:08:00 +0000

Seven was pretty stoked about this situation...


i take pictures {5 days}

Mon, 06 Sep 2010 02:37:00 +0000

i love it when people are willing to do things that are a little out of the box for a great shot!
this is Willow, she is one of those people!

getting ready. {7 days}

Sat, 04 Sep 2010 06:27:00 +0000

i am currently in "editing" mode. this means i am wearing my over-sized gray sweatpants, an old tshirt, ponytail and glasses. comfortable and creative.

the last 5 weekends can be summed up in one word: weddings. 5 weddings!

some of my favorite photos from a wedding day are of the bride getting ready, i feel honored to watch the transformation from (tired) "un-done" girl to stunning princess bride! i love the smiles when they look in the mirror as each step of the getting ready process unfolds... the smiles, the gasps and the giggles!

also on my favorite photos list? the "first look" photos. the moment where the bride and groom see each other all decked out for the first time! It's usually been a few HOURS since the bride started getting ready and a few MINUTES for the groom! i've seen tears, i've seen sheepish smiles, i've seen blank expressions and jumping with delight!

recently i have been pondering what it means for the Church to be the bride of Christ, a phrase i am not particularly fond of... it's a hard phrase to understand and fully "get", especially in a culture and world where a wedding is a commercial event, not a sacred covenant.

as i sit for hours and edit wedding photos i have thought a lot about "getting ready"... we get ready for the day. we buy calendars so we can plan and get ready for the week, month or year. we take action to get ready for birthdays, parties, days at the beach, road trips and bed.

girls need time to "get ready" for most things...especially after the age of 13... getting ready is more than putting clothes on and brushing out last night's bed head, getting ready is a process. we shower and shave. we brush, comb, back-comb and blow dry. we curl and pin. we apply makeup, lotion and perfume. we (most likely) try on a couple outfits before we settle on the one we are actually going to wear; not to mention the shoe options for each outfit.

for a bride on her wedding day take that process and multiply it by 100. most likely there have been multiple dresses tried on, once "the one" is picked it has to be fitted and hemmed. sometimes there is a practice run through on the makeup and hair. a lot of times there is a change of shoe, from the ceremony "pretty" shoes to the comfortable reception shoes. not one detail is left out. not one blemish is left un-covered or smudge of makeup left un-fixed. Tide-To-Go pens are a must have on the wedding day, just in case something gets on the dress... no one wants a blotch of lip gloss from the flower girl's hug on the white fabric.

if the Church is the bride of Christ shouldn't we be doing a better job at getting ready for our "first look"? should any detail be left out? should spot or blemish remain? are we too concerned with being "seeker friendly" rather than a pure bride?

empower. {8 days}

Fri, 03 Sep 2010 06:14:00 +0000

em·pow·er –verb 1. to give power or authority to; authorize, esp. by legal or official means. 2. to enable or permit.i have been pondering this word for a couple weeks and have decided i really like it. it's a verb. a "do-ing" word. i want to empower people to accomplish the will of God for their life by whatever means is in my hands. i want to permit people to speak into my life when necessary. i want to see people lifted up and encouraged because of Jesus in me.empower. it's a good word. [...]