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my father's house



...being created from the love of God and continually being loved by God are not enough for us. We want and also absolutely depend on the explicit confirmation by others of the life given us by God. We need God's love for us to be met, confirmed, and e



Updated: 2018-03-02T08:44:23.251-08:00

 



When I'm An Old Lady

2013-02-22T12:52:18.418-08:00



When I'm an old lady, I'll live with my son,
and make his life happy and filled with such fun,
I want to pay back all the joy he's provided,
returning each deed. Oh, he'll be so excited
. . . when I'm an old lady and live with my son.

I'll write on the wall with red, white, and blue;
and bounce on the furniture wearing my shoes.
I'll drink from the carton and then leave it out.
I'll stuff all the toilets and oh, will he shout!
. . . when I'm an old lady and live with my son.

When he's on the phone and just out of reach,
I'll get into things like sugar and bleach.
Oh, he'll snap his fingers and then shake his head,
and when he is done I'll hide under the bed.
. . . when I'm an old lady and live with my son.

When my son's wife cooks dinner and calls me to meals,
I'll not eat my green beans or salads congealed.
I'll gag on my okra, spill milk on the table,
and when she gets angry, run fast as I'm able.
. . . when I'm an old lady and live with my son.

I'll sit close to the TV, thru the channels I'll click,
I'll cross both my eyes to see if they stick,
I'll take off my socks and throw one away,
and play in the mud until the end of the day.
. . . when I'm an old lady and live with my son.

And later, in bed, I'll lie back and sigh,
and thank God in prayer and then close my eyes;
and my son will look down with a smile slowly creeping,
and say with a groan, "She's so sweet when she's sleeping,"
. . . when I'm an old lady and live with my son.



What We Do or Who We Are

2010-07-19T14:00:22.163-07:00

Meister Eckhart


People should not worry as much about what they do but rather about what they are. If they and their ways are good, then their deeds are radiant. If you are righteous, then what you do will also be righteous. We should not think that holiness is based on what we do but rather on what we are, for it is not our works which sanctify us but we who sanctify our works.

Source: The Eckhart Society


via inward/outward




NACR Daily Meditation

2010-07-01T09:21:29.873-07:00

The Lord replied, 'My presence will go with you
and I will give you rest.' Then Moses said to
him, 'If your presence does not go with us,
do not send us up from here.'
Exodus 33:14-15

God promised to be with Moses and to provide him with rest.
But no doubt other people had made promises to Moses that
were like God's promise. People had promised to be with
him but had later abandoned him. So, Moses' fears were not
completely vanquished when God promised to be present
and to provide rest.

We are like Moses. We are facing a difficult journey.
If God goes on ahead and waits for us at the
destination, we will never make it. We need God to
make the journey with us. We will need God every day.
If God does not come, it would better not to go. The
dangers are too great. The pain, too overwhelming.
We will surely lose our way unless God comes as our guide.

Moses' prayer to God is a good model for us. It is not a
sign of doubt or faithlessness to pray for what we need,
even if our needs are things which God has already promised
to provide. Praying for what we need is good communication.
If we are afraid that God will not be faithful, we can
share this with God. God will not be shocked. God will not
punish. God understands that our capacity for trust has been
damaged.

Honestly communicating our fears to God, will build our
capacity for trusting God's promises. God has promised
to be present with us. And God has promised to provide
rest. We will need both to survive the transitions and
changes that come with recovery.

Thank you, Lord, for the promise of your presence today.
If you will not go with me,
please don't send me.
Because I can't make it on my own.
The journey is a difficult one.
The path leads through deep valleys.
And, I am sure to lose my way
without your presence to comfort and guide.
Help me to rest today in your promises.
Help me to rest in your loving presence.
Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan



NACR Daily Meditation

2010-05-26T09:00:12.083-07:00

Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
Isaiah 43:1

Abandoned. Neglected. Alone.

Many of us share these painful struggles. Unfortunately, many of us have struggled with them from very early in life. People from dysfunctional families often feel that they were never acceptable to their parents. Many struggle with the feeling that they can never be good enough to receive attention. If reinforced by rejection or abandonment from friends, colleagues, or other significant people in our lives, we can easily conclude that we don't really 'belong' at all.

Humans have a deep longing to belong, to be emotionally bonded with others. Social isolation can be very painful to us. But social isolation may have felt like the only option open to us as children. Attempts at closeness may have meant experiencing control, abuse, rejection or loss. We may have pulled away to protect ourselves, even though it left us lonely and afraid.

God comes to our lonely, anxious hearts and whispers our name. God says "I see both the fear you have of closeness and the deep longing you have to belong. I have come to comfort you and to respond to your need. I have been seeking relationship with you. You belong. You belong to me. You are my child."

It may frighten us - this invitation to belong to God - even though we long for it. It may frighten us because we expect pain and disappointment, over-control and rejection. But gradually, as we continue the healing process, we can allow God to meet this deep need. We can allow ourselves to belong more and more to God.

Help me, God, to allow myself to belong to you.
Thank you for calling me by name.
Thank you for saying 'you are mine'.
I want to belong to you, God.
Help me to heal, Great Physician
So that I can accept my place in your family.
Take away my fear, Father,
give me the courage to belong to you.
Amen

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan



The Inner Landscapes

2010-05-12T08:57:29.064-07:00

Dawna Markova


We all have islands of fear inside us, but we also all have continents of wisdom and truth. How do we find our way to them when we are not educated in the interior dimension? These inner landscapes hold the patterns of our passion and purpose. Without knowing how to journey there, our lives remain unlived.

Source: I Will Not Die an Unlived Life


via Inward/Outward




Henri Nouwen Today

2010-05-11T11:51:09.424-07:00

Lifting the Cup

When we hold firm our cups of life, fully acknowledging their sorrows and joys, we will also be able to lift our cups in human solidarity. Lifting our cups means that we are not ashamed of what we are living, and this gesture encourages others to befriend their truths as we are trying to befriend ours. By lifting up our cups and saying to each other, "To life" or "To your health," we proclaim that we are willing to look truthfully at our lives together. Thus, we can become a community of people encouraging one another to fully drink the cups that have been given to us in the conviction that they will lead us to true fulfillment.



Give your sorrow space

2010-04-15T09:22:05.668-07:00

You must be able to bear your sorrow; even if it seems to crush you, you will be able to stand up again, for human beings are so strong, and your sorrow must become an integral part of yourself, part of your body and your soul, you mustn't run away from it, but bear it like an adult.... Give your sorrow all the space and shelter in yourself that is its due, for if everyone bears his grief honestly and courageously, the sorrow that now fills the world will abate.

But if you do not clear a decent shelter for your sorrow, and instead reserve most of the space inside you for hatred and thoughts of revenge--from which new sorrows will be born for others--then sorrow will never cease in this world and will multiply. And if you have given sorrow the space its gentle origins demand, then you may truly say: life is beautiful and so rich. So beautiful and so rich that it makes you want to believe in God.

Etty Hillesum via Inward/Outward



Words are Wonderful

2010-03-13T09:49:19.824-08:00

1. scrumptious
2. tweeze
3. clunky
4. marsh
5. hullabaloo
6. defenestrate
7. aboulia
8. unctuous
9. new york
10. montagne
11. qualms
12. rapprochement
13. iridescent
14. vestibule
15. shenanigans
16. smithereens
17. incandescence
18. menagerie
19. quixotic
20. moisture
21. aperture
22. aesthetic
23. hijinx
24. broccoli
25. apropos
26. humdinger
27. exacerbate
28. conundrum
29. onomatopoeia
30. swoon
31. literary
32. et cetera
33. gingham
34. yummy
35. luscious
36. subterfuge
37. anthropomorphic
38. quandary
39. caliber
40. delete
41. plethora
42. palpable
43. superfluous
44. lovely
45. hootenanny
46. scalawag
47. insane
48. zack
49. beloved
50. allegorical
51. moonlight
52. mayhaps
53. sublime
54. bemoan
55. bequest
56. tiny
57. hello
58. deluxe
59. bonus
60. cozy
61. angst
62. rustic
63. ballerina
64. melancholy
65. chartreuse



Dan's book is available.

2010-03-08T15:00:25.920-08:00




When I'm an old lady...

2010-03-04T09:18:13.201-08:00

When I'm An Old Lady

When I'm an old lady, I'll live with my son,
and make his life happy and filled with such fun,
I want to pay back all the joy he's provided,
returning each deed. Oh, he'll be so excited
. . . when I'm an old lady and live with my son.

I'll write on the wall with red, white, and blue;
and bounce on the furniture wearing my shoes.
I'll drink from the carton and then leave it out.
I'll stuff all the toilets and oh, will he shout!
. . . when I'm an old lady and live with my son.

When he's on the phone and just out of reach,
I'll get into things like sugar and bleach.
Oh, he'll snap his fingers and then shake his head,
and when he is done I'll hide under the bed.
. . . when I'm an old lady and live with my son.

When my son's wife cooks dinner and calls me to meals,
I'll not eat my green beans or salads congealed.
I'll gag on my okra, spill milk on the table,
and when she gets angry, run fast as I'm able.
. . . when I'm an old lady and live with my son.

I'll sit close to the TV, thru the channels I'll click,
I'll cross both my eyes to see if they stick,
I'll take off my socks and throw one away,
and play in the mud until the end of the day.
. . . when I'm an old lady and live with my son.

And later, in bed, I'll lie back and sigh,
and thank God in prayer and then close my eyes;
and my son will look down with a smile slowly creeping,
and say with a groan, "She's so sweet when she's sleeping,"
. . . when I'm an old lady and live with my son.



A big Yahoo!

2010-02-03T19:16:27.922-08:00

The blog that my friend Dan writes has been mentioned as one of the top 50 ecumenical blogs.

I just had to come back to post that!

His blog is called Faith Dance.



thoughts from here and now

2009-10-25T11:07:00.678-07:00

I have a friend I grew up with who has been diagnosed with ALS.

'Okay.' you say, as you wonder where I am going with this. It's been so long since I've posted anything, you wonder what has brought me out of hiding to post this now.

You see my friend lost her father to the same disease while we were still very young. While her family of seven children still had need of a father in their lives. I remember him well as he was the janitor at my school and whenever we went as a class to another area of the school he would single me out of the line to tug at my long hair and say 'hi Susie.' I don't know why that made me feel special but it did. It still makes me smile.

A few years ago that same family lost one of the brothers, also a friend of mine, to a brain tumor. He lived well beyond the years that the doctors had given him. Long enough to repent of the lifestyle that he had chosen in the 'lost years' between, between the death of his father and the diagnosis that changed his life, and eventually ended it. I had a dream about him on the night that he left this earth to be reunited with both his earthly father and his heavenly One. In my dream I was talking to his mother and asking where Brian was because I had heard great news that he had been healed. She pointed over to another area of the place that we were in, which I realized later was the church that I had grown up in. There he was chatting away to some others, full of excitement and joy. Then I woke up. I knew he had gone to be with the Lord, healed in a sense much more profoundly than the healing that he would have found here in his body. Healed in his spirit. A phone call in the morning from a mutual friend confirmed this.

Can you imagine being the mom in this family? I can't. How does a woman hold up under these burdens? To first loose her husband, then a son, and now the potential loss of a daughter. It's unimaginable, isn't it.

It makes my burdens seem light in comparison.

I know when I think about how she has managed that I have to come back to the presence of God in her life, and in the lives of her children. I know that I even envy that, when I look from here where I am, into the life that she bears. I envy the community of family that she had, and still has. The community that was modeled by herself and her husband before he passed, and that I see now in my friends life and marriage, being modeled to her children, and to me.

I have a hope to one day have that kind of community. First with God and a husband, and with children and grandchildren. It seems so impossible to me; not for lack of trying. I wonder why God has held it back from me and I wonder what kind of suffering I am willing to take on to find it.

I'm having an emotional day as I contemplate my own losses and know that I have not suffered nearly as much as others. In the absence of a 'community' to share that with, I come here to say what's on my heart.



0 Comments

2009-07-25T14:45:40.941-07:00

"Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

Margery Williams The Velveteen Rabbit



Zoe Celeste

2009-07-06T13:32:26.803-07:00

Misty took some great shots of my grand-daughter Zoe.



Revelation Song

2009-06-15T13:40:11.526-07:00

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the Recovery of Love

2009-06-01T11:32:47.576-07:00

Elizabeth O'Connor


We can create the climate and nurture the trust in which a deep giving of ourselves can happen. Much more than the confession of our light or our darkness is involved. What is involved is the recovery of love, itself, the communion that is the deepest need of every life, the unlocking of that infinite capacity that each one has to be a friend and to have a friend. If the pilgrim journey is a journey toward freedom, then the liberating work is the freeing of love in me and the freeing of love in you.




Seeing the Sacred

2009-04-11T10:08:19.767-07:00

All we lack is the willingness to imagine that we already have everything we need. The only thing missing is our consent to be where we are.

More at Inward/Outward



NACR for today Brokenness Part 2

2009-03-31T11:11:50.786-07:00

If I give all I possess to the poor
and surrender my body to the flames,
but have not love, I gain nothing.
I Corinthians 13:3

We need to experience loving relationships in order to
heal and grow. In loving relationships we experience the
safety that allows us to face the truth. In loving
relationships we experience the support we need to
begin to change. And in loving relationships we learn
that we are lovable and valuable.

Because we have been wounded in relationships, our
instinct is often to run from relationships. We
don't want to be hurt again. This leaves an
enormous void in our souls. And it is this
void which we desperately try to fill with addictions
and compulsions of various kinds. This text focuses
on two manifestations of religious addiction
(compulsive altruism and religiously motivated
self-abuse) and sums up the result: I gain nothing.
The same could be said of all of our addictions. "I
deliver my body to be burned" and "I gain nothing"
are an accurate description not
only of a particular kind of religious addiction
but also of chemical addiction, work addiction,
sexual addiction and relationship addiction, as
well as many self-abusive compulsions.

We gain nothing for all the time and effort
we spend on trying to numb the pain. It does not
achieve the desired result. The void remains.


Although loving fellowship may be frightening for
us, it is the path to recovery. The vulnerabilities
of intimacy may remind us of earlier times of terror
in life, but there is no way to recover in isolation.
The net result of compulsions and addictions is "I gain
nothing." But the net result of recovery is very
different. There is something to be gained by all
the hard work that recovery requires. Recovery builds
in us a capacity to receive love and a capacity to
give love to others. And that is a real gain.

May God grant you the courage you need today
to pursue loving fellowship.

Lord, you see my guarded heart.
You see the fears that make me run from love.
What I fear is what I want most.
I want to love and to be loved.
Give me courage to open my heart to love today.
Amen.




Brokenness. (part one)

2009-03-19T14:21:02.795-07:00

I'm broken.

There's just no way around it.

There are some hurts that I carry. They've affected me and those around me. I'm sorry for that. So now I have two choices; I continue to carry them, trying to hide their negative effects, or I find healing for them.

I've been trying to do the latter. Finding healing seems the better choice but certainly not the easiest.

I do know this. I am no longer going to apologize for being broken. I have learned that I will not find healing in isolation. It is only through interaction and loving, supportive relationships with others that I will find my way through.

I have a friend from the past who will probably at some point email me and question whether I want to share so much that is personal. "It hurts others or my kids or my ministry", whatever it is there is always a reason why I am encouraged to continue hiding the pain. The thing is that I've done that for so long, and it's really not working for me. I'm wearing a mask that says everything is okay. It's not authentic, it's not real.....it's not honest. And the fact is that I am not alone in that pain. It's a common denominator between us.

I think Satan would like us to believe that our brokenness is 'bad'. That others cannot stand to look at it, that God himself judges us for it. That because of it others will not want to come into relationship with us.

I think Satan would love to isolate us from God and from others....



Henri Nouwen today

2009-03-17T12:28:01.620-07:00

Not Breaking the Bruised Reeds

Some of us tend to do away with things that are slightly damaged. Instead of repairing them we say: "Well, I don't have time to fix it, I might as well throw it in the garbage can and buy a new one." Often we also treat people this way. We say: "Well, he has a problem with drinking; well, she is quite depressed; well, they have mismanaged their business...we'd better not take the risk of working with them." When we dismiss people out of hand because of their apparent woundedness, we stunt their lives by ignoring their gifts, which are often buried in their wounds.

We all are bruised reeds, whether our bruises are visible or not. The compassionate life is the life in which we believe that strength is hidden in weakness and that true community is a fellowship of the weak.



Happy St. Patricks Day.

2009-03-16T16:30:22.781-07:00

For the Irish among us.

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100 Mile Challenge

2009-03-11T12:52:30.388-07:00

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A Love Letter from God.

2009-03-01T16:23:57.085-08:00

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He makes all things new.

2009-02-25T08:33:59.918-08:00

A friend sent me this today after a discussion last night about how God first creates the desire within us and then works with us to fulfill it.

He Makes All things New

Today's Scripture

"…and He who is seated on the throne said, See! I make all things new…" (Revelation 21:5, AMP).

Today's Word from Joel and Victoria

When God puts a dream in your heart, when He puts a promise on the inside, He deposits within you everything you need to accomplish that dream. He wouldn't give you the desire to do something without giving you the ability to fulfill it. In fact, the scripture tells us that God gives us the desires of our heart. In other words, He puts the desire inside of us and then works with us to bring it to pass.

Oftentimes, people set out to accomplish their dreams, but they face a setback or disappointment, and then they feel like their time has passed. But let me tell you today, no matter where you've come from, no matter what's happened in your past, God wants to make you new. He wants to give you a "do over," a fresh start. If you feel like you've missed opportunities in your life, if you feel like your time has passed, remember, today is a new day. You are a new person, and God has new opportunities in store for you. If one dream has died, it's time to dream a new dream.

A Prayer for Today

Father in heaven, thank You for making all things new. I give You this day and invite You to have Your way in every area of my life. I choose to receive all the promises You have in store for me. In Jesus' Name. Amen




prayer for today

2009-02-24T14:24:49.124-08:00

May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.