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Putting the FUN Back in Fundamentalism



Updated: 2018-01-18T15:45:28Z

 



01/18/18 Grif.Net – Dieting One-Liners

2018-01-18T15:45:28Z

[Can you tell that all I think about is food? Posting = these motivational one-liners around the house]   I = know it’s 3 meals a day, but how many can I eat at night? I’m on = the rotation diet. Every time I turn around, I want to =…

[Can you tell that all I think about is food? Posting =
these motivational one-liners around the house]

 

I =
know it’s 3 meals a day, but how many can I eat at night?

I’m on =
the rotation diet. Every time I turn around, I want to =
eat.

My doctor said “You=
’re fat and you need to go on a diet.  I’m not going to =
sugarcoat it, because you’ll eat that too.”

I told my =
doctor that I’m really a light eater. As soon as it’s light I =
start to eat.

Sadly, I’ve found dieting is not a piece of =
cake.

Not saying I’m fat, but if I go on a diet, it could =
end world hunger overnight.

Thought about becoming a vegetarian, =
but knew that was a missed steak.

Gluten-free to me? Putting the =
‘die’ back into ‘diet’.

My diet is really =
perfect for me, because I’m thick and tired of =
it.

~~

Dr Bob Griffin =

bob@grif.net www.grif.net =

"Jesus Knows Me, This I =
Love!"

 




01/17/18 Grif.Net – Dieting Again

2018-01-17T16:06:26Z

[Day three of my diet. Started asking questions to = keep me sane] Q: What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet?A: A = desserter. Q: Why shouldn’t I quit and not worry about gaining = those extra pounds?A: Fat people are harder to kidnap. Q: Did…

[Day three of my diet. Started asking questions to =
keep me sane]

Q: What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet?
A: A =
desserter.

Q: Why shouldn’t I quit and not worry about gaining =
those extra pounds?
A: Fat people are harder to kidnap.

Q: Did =
you hear about the seafood diet?
A: You see food but you can’t =
eat it.

 

Q: =
Why should you go to the paint store instead of the grocery store if you =
are on a diet?
A: You can get thinner there.

Q: How do most =
Americans curb their appetite?
A: At the drive thru window.

Q: =
How do you know your low-fat diet is working?
A: The fat hangs lower =
every day.

Q: Did you hear about the Dr. DoLittle Diet?
A: You =
talk to food instead of eating it.

Q: Why can’t you lose weight =
by talking about it?
A: Dieting requires you to keep your mouth =
shut.

 

Q: =
Did you hear about the hungry clock?
A: He went back four =
seconds.

Q: How many dieters does it take to eat an entire hog? =

A: One, if nobody’s looking.

~~

Dr Bob Griffin =

bob@grif.net www.grif.net =

"Jesus Knows Me, This I =
Love!"

 




01/16/18 Grif.Net – Getting Even

2018-01-16T15:59:08Z

After a couple hours = shopping at the super store, I headed to the line checking out. The = clerk asked, "Cash, check or charge?" after ringing up my = purchase. As I couldn’t find my wallet in the bottom of my = purse, it took a while fumbling to…

After a couple hours =
shopping at the super store, I headed to the line checking out. The =
clerk asked, "Cash, check or charge?" after ringing up my =
purchase.

As I couldn’t find my wallet in the bottom of my =
purse, it took a while fumbling to find it. The clerk noticed a remote =
control for a television in my purse.

"Do you always carry =
your TV remote?" she asked.

"No," I replied. =
"But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this =
was the best way I could get even with him!"

~~

Dr Bob Griffin =

bob@grif.net www.grif.net =

"Jesus Knows Me, This I =
Love!"

 




01/15/18 Grif.Net – Good Book

2018-01-15T16:08:52Z

In the 1950’s, a new pastor decided to just go = to each home his small town and introduce himself with a visit with = every family, even though most were not in his church.   He = showed up at a home and said, “Hi, I’m the pastor and =…

In the 1950’s, a new pastor decided to just go =
to each home his small town and introduce himself with a visit with =
every family, even though most were not in his church.   He =
showed up at a home and said, “Hi, I’m the pastor and =
I’d like to come in and have a little visit with you.”  =
They invited him in graciously.

 

The mother, =
wanting to put her best foot forward, said to her little daughter, =
“Honey, please run and get the Good Book that our family loves to =
look at so much, and bring it here.”  She quickly returned to =
her beaming mother with the book under her arm.

 

Mom’s =
expression changed a bit as the girl handed her the Sears =
Catalog.

 

~~

Dr Bob Griffin =

bob@grif.net www.grif.net =

"Jesus Knows Me, This I =
Love!"

 




01/13/18 Weekend Grif.Net – Interview with an NFL Quarterback

2018-01-13T16:14:31Z

Philadelphia Eagles quarterback = Carson Wentz explained one "lie" about the Christian faith = that Satan wants people to believe while sharing his testimony. The = 24-year-old Wentz, who is in his second season with the Eagles after a = successful collegiate career at North Dakota State University, joined =… Philadelphia Eagles quarterback = Carson Wentz explained one "lie" about the Christian faith = that Satan wants people to believe while sharing his testimony. The = 24-year-old Wentz, who is in his second season with the Eagles after a = successful collegiate career at North Dakota State University, joined = with Eagles tight end Trey Burton and offensive lineman Stefen = Wisniewski for an interview last week. Considering that Wentz grew up = as a Lutheran but is now a born-again Christian, he was asked to explain = where he currently is in his faith. He began by talking about the lie = that a lot of Christians believe and one that he admitted falling into = the trap of while growing up. "That trap was believing I = could be saved by works. It is obviously a lie, but it’s a lie that a = lot of people believe. It’s a lie just in our culture. I know for me as = a man, even when I was a kid, with sports and anything I did, I was = going to work my tail off to earn what I got. That’s how I was wired, = that’s how the world kind of instills this value, so to speak, is work, = work, work, and earn it," he said. "And that’s kind of what I = thought. I’d pray, I’d go to church, I’d do this and that, and I’m like = that’s great, I’m a good person, I did the right and so I’m going to be = saved naturally. That’s what I thought," he added. "That’s the = lie that the devil wants you to believe." Wentz shared the Bible verse = that really changed his perspective. "For it is by Grace that you = have been saved through faith — and this is not of yourselves, it = is the gift of God — not by works, so that no one can boast. For = we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do go works which God = prepared in advance for us to do,’" [Eph 2:8-10] he recited. = "So, when I learned about this grace and learned about how my view = of Christianity was really flipped on its head, because you see, = Christianity is the only religion in the world that you can’t earn = Heaven, you can’t earn an afterlife, you can’t earn reincarnation or = whatever it is that other people believe." "Christianity says it’s = done; Jesus already did it. He took it all for you," Wentz = continued. "He’s saying it’s by grace alone you’ve been saved, not = by works so that no one can boast. I mean, he can’t lay it out much = clearer. Then he says, ‘But we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ = Jesus to do good works.’ See we’re not saved by our actions but our = actions come out of our faith." According to Wentz, the notion = that people are saved through works and not a relationship with Christ = is a "misconception that a lot of people = have." "I think it’s a daily = thing. I know for me, we get caught up in doing good, doing good, doing = good. That it’s a daily thing for me to just remind myself like without = Jesus in it, I can’t do it," he added. "I can’t earn my way to = Heaven and nobody can. So, I really challenge every one of us to just = [have] daily kind of have that perspective because it’s so easy to get = caught up in doing good and thinking that I’m good enough, but without = Jesus, none of us are.’" Wentz has not been afraid to = share his faith on Christ on social media and with others. In the = interview, Wentz was asked to explain how he handles criticism he faces = for expressing his fa[...]



01/12/18 Grif.Net – On the Park Bench

2018-01-12T15:59:19Z

Overheard two old men sitting on a park bench as they = were talking about women.  The first said his wife had not spoken = to him in more than two months. He  sighed and admitted he was = thinking about divorce.   His friend = cautioned him to not…

Overheard two old men sitting on a park bench as they =
were talking about women.  The first said his wife had not spoken =
to him in more than two months. He  sighed and admitted he was =
thinking about divorce.

 

His friend =
cautioned him to not make a rash decision.  “Remember,” =
he said, “women like that are hard to =
find.”

 

~~

Dr Bob Griffin =

bob@grif.net www.grif.net =

"Jesus Knows Me, This I =
Love!"

 




01/11/18 Grif.Net – No One Believes Senior Citizens

2018-01-11T15:45:07Z

An elderly couple was = celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as = childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after = they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school and = found the tree on the playground where he had carved…

An elderly couple was =
celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as =
childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after =
they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school and =
found the tree on the playground where he had carved ‘Jerry + =
Sally’ so many decades before.

 
On their way back home, a =
bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their =
feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they =
took it home. There, she counted the money – more than fifty =
thousand dollars!

 
Immediately, Jerry said, =
“We’ve got to give it back.”

 
Sally replied, =
“Finders keepers.” She put the money back in the bag and hid =
it in their attic.

 
The next day, two police =
officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and =
knocked on their door. “Pardon me, did either of you find a bag =
that fell out of an armored car yesterday?”

 
Sally said, =
“No.”

 
Jerry added, “She=B9s =
lying, officers. She hid it up in the attic.”

 
Sally smiled, “Don’t =
believe him, he=B9s getting senile.”

 
The detectives turned to =
Jerry and began to question him.
 One asked, =
“Tell us the story from the beginning.”

 
So Jerry began, =
“Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday . =
. . “

 
The first police officer =
turned to his partner and said, “We’re outta =
here.”

 

~~

Dr Bob Griffin =

bob@grif.net www.grif.net =

"Jesus Knows Me, This I =
Love!"

 




01/10/18 Grif.Net – Star Wars Q&A (part 3)

2018-01-10T15:28:12Z

Q: Why were the Star Wars = movies made out of order (4,5,6, then 1,2,3)? A: Because in charge of = scheduling, Yoda was   Q: Where do Sith = shop? A: The Maul. Everything is half = off   Q: Why did Anakin Skywalker = cross the road? A:…

Q: Why were the Star Wars =
movies made out of order (4,5,6, then 1,2,3)?

A: Because in charge of =
scheduling, Yoda was

 

Q: Where do Sith =
shop?

A: The Maul. Everything is half =
off

 

Q: Why did Anakin Skywalker =
cross the road?

A: To get to the Dark =
Side

 

Q: Why did Kylo Ren chase Rey =
through the forest?

A: He probably just wanted a =
girlfriend, since  he’d Ben Solo for so =
long.

.

Q: Yoda, are we in the right =
path?

A: Off course, we =
are

 

A: What do you call an =
invisible droid?

A: =
C-through-PO

Q: How did the Rebels =
communicate on the Forest Moon of Endor?

A: Ewokie-talkies

 

Q: What do you call a Mexican =
Jedi?

A: Obi-Juan =
Kenobi

 

~~

Dr Bob Griffin =

bob@grif.net www.grif.net =

"Jesus Knows Me, This I =
Love!"

 




01/09/18 Grif.Net – Star Wars Q&A (part 2)

2018-01-09T15:43:33Z

Q: What do you call = a pirate droid?A: Argh2-D2 Q: Why did the droid cross the = road?A: Because it was programmed by a = chicken Q: Why does = Princess Leia keep her hair tied up in buns?A: So it doesn’t Hang = Solow Q: What do you…

Q: What do you call =
a pirate droid?
A: Argh2-D2

Q: Why did the droid cross the =
road?
A: Because it was programmed by a =
chicken


Q: Why does =
Princess Leia keep her hair tied up in buns?
A: So it doesn’t Hang =
Solow

Q: What do you call a bounty hunter from the South?
A: =
Bubba Fett

Q: Why shouldn’t you ask Yoda for money?
A: Because =
he’s always a little short

Q: What do you call a Jedi =
Knight who knows how to use Photoshop?

A: Adobe Wan =
Kenobi

 

Q: What kind of money do they =
use in space?

A: =
Starbucks

 

Q: Which website did Chewbacca =
get arrested for creating?

A: =
Wookieleaks

 

~~

Dr Bob Griffin =

bob@grif.net www.grif.net =

"Jesus Knows Me, This I =
Love!"

 




01/08/18 Grif.Net – Star Wars Q&A (part 1)

2018-01-08T15:56:28Z

[Today = we begin a truly unremarkable interview about Star = Wars]   Q: What = is the internal temperature of a Tauntaun?A: Luke = warm   Q: Why = don’t you like to eat Wookie steak?A: Seems to be a little = chewy   Q: What = bedtime story…

[Today =
we begin a truly unremarkable interview about Star =
Wars]

 

Q: What =
is the internal temperature of a Tauntaun?
A: Luke =
warm

 

Q: Why =
don’t you like to eat Wookie steak?
A: Seems to be a little =
chewy

 

Q: What =
bedtime story would Darth Vader read to his son?
A: Good-night, Death =
Star

 

Q: What =
model of car did the young Jedi drive?
A: A toy =
yoda

 

Q: What did Emperor =
Palpatine say to Darth Vader?
A: Merry Sithmas.

Q: What do you =
call Mexican Jedi apprentice?
A: PadaJuan.

 

Q: Where does =
Princess Leia go shopping for clothing and such?
A: At the Darth =
Maul

Q: What character was the most =
vulgar?

A: R2-D2, since =
they had to beep out every word he said

 

~~

Dr Bob =
Griffin

bob@grif.net www.grif.net =

"Jesus Knows Me, This I =
Love!"