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Grif.Net



Putting the FUN Back in Fundamentalism



Updated: 2018-04-26T14:33:11Z

 



04/26/18 Grif.Net – Buggy

2018-04-26T14:33:11Z

For nearly 7 years I pastored in northwestern = Wisconsin, in a county with a number of Amish farms.  Always had to = be on the lookout for slow wagons and carriages.   I did = come up behind a buggy and noted that the owner obviously had a sense…

For nearly 7 years I pastored in northwestern =
Wisconsin, in a county with a number of Amish farms.  Always had to =
be on the lookout for slow wagons and carriages.

 

I did =
come up behind a buggy and noted that the owner obviously had a sense of =
humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed =
sign . . .

 

"Energy efficient vehicle.  Runs on oats =
and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."

 

~~

Dr Bob Griffin =

bob@grif.net www.grif.net =

"Jesus Knows Me, This I =
Love!"

 




04/25/18 Grif.Net – Point of View

2018-04-25T14:13:19Z

We tend to be myopic, thinking only of self and = personal interest.  Consider these facts from another perspective = (reprint from September 1996 Grif.Net):   *From = a clock’s point of view, the hands move = counterclockwise.   *From = a chicken’s point of view, every egg you eat…

We tend to be myopic, thinking only of self and =
personal interest.  Consider these facts from another perspective =
(reprint from September 1996 Grif.Net):

 

*From =
a clock’s point of view, the hands move =
counterclockwise.

 

*From =
a chicken’s point of view, every egg you eat is =
poached.

 

*From the sun’s point of view, it never rises on =
the British Empire.

 

*From =
the tardy worm’s point of view, he missed being =
breakfast.

 

*From opposing pitcher’s point of view, Babe Ruth =
struck out 1,330 times.

 

*From =
the trash collector’s point of view, your garbage is bread and =
butter.

 

*From your furniture’s point of view, antiques will =
be a thing of the past in the future.

 

~~

Dr Bob Griffin =

bob@grif.net www.grif.net =

"Jesus Knows Me, This I =
Love!"

 




04/24/18 Grif.Net – Status Quo

2018-04-24T14:07:07Z

[My friends share = some odd “status updates” but these tell me a lot about each = of them.] Scott wrote, “I tried to make reservations at the = library, but couldn’t.  They said they were all = booked.”   Wayne wrote, = “I was absolutely furious until I finally…

[My friends share =
some odd “status updates” but these tell me a lot about each =
of them.]

Scott wrote, “I tried to make reservations at the =
library, but couldn’t.  They said they were all =
booked.”

 

Wayne wrote, =
“I was absolutely furious until I finally understood my deacons =
were calling me incompetent, not =
incontinent.”

 

Ken wrote, =
“At my age, I get sore doing =
nothing.”

 

Sue wrote, “I =
sent my six-month old baby off to the military.  He ended up in the =
infantry.”

 

Richard wrote, =
“Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a =
scoop of ice cream fall out of the cone.”

 

John wrote, =
“Come to Chicago for the food.  Stay because you’ve =
been murdered.”

 

Paul wrote, =
“Don’t ever let anyone tell you that fairytales aren’t =
real.  I wake up every morning and drink a potion made from magic =
beans that brings me back to life.”

 

Marilyn wrote, =
“Eventually you reach a point when you stop lying about your age =
and start bragging. I love to hear people say ‘You don’t look that =
old’."

 

Alex wrote, =
“Don’t forget, tonight the moon will be visible from =
earth.  The last time this happened was . . . last =
night.”

 

Tom wrote, =
“Is an argument between two vegans still called a =
"beef"?

 

Steve wrote, =
“I’d give up sarcasm but that would leave interpretive dance =
as my only means of communication.”

 

~~=

Dr Bob Griffin =

bob@grif.net =
www.grif.net

"Jesus Knows =
Me, This I Love!"

 




04/23/18 Grif.Net – Dog Breeds, Final Installment (maybe)

2018-04-23T14:47:41Z

Additional new cross-breeds not = yet recognized by the Kennel Club   Collie = + Lhasa Apso Collapso, a dog that folds up = for easy transport   Terrier = + Bulldog Terribull, obviously not a good = dog   Bloodhound + = Labrador Blabador, a dog that never =…

Additional new cross-breeds not =
yet recognized by the Kennel Club

 

Collie =
+ Lhasa Apso

Collapso, a dog that folds up =
for easy transport

 

Terrier =
+ Bulldog

Terribull, obviously not a good =
dog

 

Bloodhound + =
Labrador

Blabador, a dog that never =
quits barking

 

Collie =
+ Malamute

Commute, a dog that travels to =
work each day

 

Pekingese + Lhasa =
Apso

Peekasso, an abstract =
dog

 

Malamute + =
Pointer

Moot Point, a dog that, well, =
it doesn’t matter anyway

 

Deerhound + =
Terrier

Derriere, a dog that =
continually chases its tail

 

~~

Dr Bob =
Griffin

bob@grif.net www.grif.net =

"Jesus Knows Me, This I =
Love!"




04/21/18 Weekend Grif.Net – An Unexpected Appointment

2018-04-21T14:12:42Z

[= Wayne Muri is an old college buddy who pastors in Michigan. His timely = reminder is worthy of solemn reflection this weekend by = everyone.]   B= y now you’ve all heard about the woman who was nearly sucked out = of a Southwest plane window in flight and…

[=
Wayne Muri is an old college buddy who pastors in Michigan. His timely =
reminder is worthy of solemn reflection this weekend by =
everyone.]

 

B=
y now you’ve all heard about the woman who was nearly sucked out =
of a Southwest plane window in flight and died of her injuries. We joke =
about stuff like this happening, and there are more than a few instances =
of this occurring in movies, but in real life? Never happens. But on =
Tuesday it did.

 

N=
ow, think about the poor lady who died. One assumes she got up that =
morning, went through her normal routine, double-checked the flight time, made her way to the airport, =
went through security, found the gate, boarded the plane, stuffed her =
carry-on in the overhead bin, and settled into her seat next to the =
window for the flight.

 

A=
t no time in this entire process did it ever occur to her that the =
window would explode and her life would be snuffed out. She wasn’t =
expecting to die today. Her thoughts were on what was going to happen on =
the other end of the flight–but she was thinking “airport”, =
not “eternity”.

 

S=
he wasn’t the only one to die on Tuesday. A lot people died. Auto =
accidents, industrial accidents, violent crime, and medical events =
— but know this, none of them were expecting it. No one knows the =
hour or the day of their death. Which means we have to be ready to face =
eternity at all times.

Jennifer Riordan’s last day was Tuesday. She was ready for the =
events planned for that day, but was she prepared for the possibility =
that death would interrupt her schedule? More to the point: how do YOU =
know today is not your end-of-life-appointment?

 

A=
nd if it is, are you prepared for what comes =
next?

 

~~

Dr Bob Griffin =

bob@grif.net =
www.grif.net

"Jesus =
Knows Me, This I Love!"

 




04/20/18 Grif.Net – Diner Fare

2018-04-20T14:55:36Z

Attila walked into a diner in Texas, put down his = sword and shield on the stool next to him. The waitress asked, = “What can I get ya, Hun?”   ~~ Dr Bob Griffin = bob@grif.net www.grif.net = "Jesus Knows Me, This I = Love!"  

Attila walked into a diner in Texas, put down his =
sword and shield on the stool next to him.

The waitress asked, =
“What can I get ya, Hun?”

 

~~

Dr Bob Griffin =

bob@grif.net www.grif.net =

"Jesus Knows Me, This I =
Love!"

 




04/19/18 Grif.Net – Weasel

2018-04-19T14:25:14Z

A weasel walked into a restaurant.   The waitress = looked at him amazed and said, “In all my years here, I’ve = never see a weasel in our place.  But hey, welcome.  What can = I get you.”   “Pop” goes the weasel. [hat tip to = Sharon for…

A weasel walked into a restaurant.

 

The waitress =
looked at him amazed and said, “In all my years here, I’ve =
never see a weasel in our place.  But hey, welcome.  What can =
I get you.”

 

“Pop” goes the weasel.

[hat tip to =
Sharon for this one]

 

~~

Dr Bob Griffin =

bob@grif.net www.grif.net =

"Jesus Knows Me, This I =
Love!"

 




04/18/18 Grif.Net – Logic Class

2018-04-18T13:19:03Z

During one semester in the late = 1990’s I taught a logic class at Pillsbury College, and asked this = question: “If Philadelphia is 100 = miles from New York and Chicago is 1000 miles from Philadelphia and Los = Angles is 2000 miles from Chicago, how old am I?”… During one semester in the late = 1990’s I taught a logic class at Pillsbury College, and asked this = question: “If Philadelphia is 100 = miles from New York and Chicago is 1000 miles from Philadelphia and Los = Angles is 2000 miles from Chicago, how old am I?” =   One = student in the back of the class raised his hand and when called upon = said, "Dr. Bob,  you must be 50."   I = was stunned. He was absolutely correct, so I asked, “Tell me, how = did you arrive at the answer so quickly?"   The = student said, "You see Dr. Bob, I have a brother who’s 25 and he’s = only half as crazy as you are."   [True = story]   ~~~ = ANSWERS to = yesterday’s quiz for the under-30 crowd   1. FUDDY-DUDDY is = someone very old fashioned, out of touch, and probably a bit = stuffy   2. DEAR JOHN is the = name for the letter from a soldier’s sweetheart saying their romance was = ending as she had found another in his absence.   3. TRICKS is asking = “How are things?” Women seldom said this because of moral = concern that some might think a “trick” was a term = prostitutes used   4. DAVENPORT is a = couch or sofa, eponym from furniture maker of couches, Alfred H. = Davenport of Boston.   5. LONG-DISTANCE is = a meaningless phrase in a cell-phone world, reflecting on exorbitant = charges for non-local land-line calls.   6. 8-TRACK (or = CASSETTE or TAPE or VHS) is a recording on tape. Tape is another term = rendered obsolete in a digital world.   7. LITTLE BLACK = BOOK is a small notebook with names and phone numbers of current and = potential dating candidates or business = contacts.   8. WET RAG (or wet = blanket) is something one might smother a flame with but focused on = people who put a damper on the party.   9. WHOOPEE (as in = “making” it) refers to any level of romantic intimacy, an = older version of “hooking up”.   10. ROLODEX is a = file on the desk that held all of your “contacts”, neatly = typed (maybe “typewriter” should be added to this quiz)) and = filed on cardboard cards.   11. MOOD RING is = like wearing a thermometer on your finger (the liquid crystal changes = colors depending on body temperature). For youth today, using emojis to = express moods is better than a ring.   12. JUST ONE MORE = THING is the phrase of the rumpled TV police detective Columbo. He’d = question some poor weaselly suspect, then shamble off, only to turn back = around with his head slightly bowed and one finger in the air . . . and = administer this coup de grace on them.   13. THRILL OF = VICTORY, AGONY OF DEFEAT is the opening catchphrase of Wide World Of = Sports (1961-1998) showcasing otherwise-unavailable footage = of good/bad sports.   14. UP YOUR NOSE = WITH A RUBBER HOSE is the primo insult used on TV by Vinnie Barbarino = (Welcome Back, Kotter).   15. FOTOMAT is a = little drive-through coffee shop style building where you’d physically = drop off your film to have it developed the next day.  I need more = time to explain was a CAMERA is or what FILM is.  Trust me, = I’m not making these words up.   16. WALKMAN = predated MP3’s (another outdated term), a small cassette player = with AA batteries and headphones for personal = music.   17. GOT YOUR EARS = ON? Is a CB (Citizens Band) radio question whether another listener can = communicate.   18. PASSION PIT is = a Drive-in [...]



04/17/18 Grif.Net – Under 30 Quiz

2018-04-17T13:38:49Z

I took one of those = “on-line” time-wasting tests to see it my vocabulary showed = if I was really ‘old’.  I aced the quiz because I = old (and I’m okay with that). If you are under 30 = you may have trouble with some of these catch-phrases/words…

I took one of those =
“on-line” time-wasting tests to see it my vocabulary showed =
if I was really ‘old’.  I aced the quiz because I =
old (and I’m okay with that).

If you are under 30 =
you may have trouble with some of these catch-phrases/words that the =
generation ahead of you used regularly.

 

Define the =
following:

 

1. =
FUDDY-DUDDY

 

2. DEAR =
JOHN

 

3. HOW’S =
TRICKS

 

4. =
DAVENPORT

 

5. =
LONG-DISTANCE

 

6. 8-TRACK =
(CASSETTE, TAPE, VHS)

 

7. LITTLE BLACK =
BOOK

 

8. WET =
RAG

 

9. =
WHOOPEE

 

10. =
ROLODEX

 

11. MOOD =
RING

 

12. JUST ONE MORE =
THING

 

13. THRILL OF =
VICTORY, AGONY OF DEFEAT

 

14. UP YOUR NOSE =
WITH A RUBBER HOSE

 

15. =
FOTOMAT

 

16. =
WALKMAN

 

17. GOT YOUR EARS =
ON?

 

18. PASSION =
PIT

 

19. =
FUZZ-BUSTER

 

20. GOOD NIGHT, =
JOHN BOY

 

(Answers tomorrow, =
maybe)

 

~~

Dr =
Bob Griffin

bob@grif.net =
www.grif.net

"Jesus Knows Me, =
This I Love!"

 




04/16/18 Grif.Net – Shooting

2018-04-16T13:27:34Z

A police officer called the station on his = radio.    “Captain, I have an interesting case here.  = An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just = mopped.” His superior asked, :”Well, do you have the = woman in custody?”   “Not = yet,”…

A police officer called the station on his =
radio. 

 

“Captain, I have an interesting case here.  =
An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just =
mopped.”

His superior asked, :”Well, do you have the =
woman in custody?”

 

“Not =
yet,” the officer replied. “The floor’s still =
wet.”

 

~~

Dr Bob Griffin =

bob@grif.net www.grif.net =

"Jesus Knows Me, This I =
Love!"