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Preview: Phil Lucas from Creators Syndicate

Phil Lucas from Creators Syndicate

Creators Syndicate is an international syndication company that represents cartoonists and columnists of the highest caliber.

Last Build Date: Sat, 20 Jan 2018 06:00:05 -0800


Miss Kitty, Can You Spare a Dime? for 01/04/2008

Fri, 04 Jan 2008 21:00:00 -0800

We shot the rabbit in midafternoon.

Four of us walked a logging road, shotguns pointed down, and it darted out of the bushes. One of the boys — they all went to Vietnam and two came back mostly whole, except for 40 or 60 years of coming nightmares and regrets — pulled up and put it down.

Just like that. A blur of fur one second, a limp body the next.

Updated: Fri Jan 04, 2008

Gotta Love Napalm in the Morning for 12/14/2007

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 21:00:00 -0800

If you love the smell of napalm in the morning, turn on your television, which I am watching from underneath my desk, cell phone open, putting in "to go" orders for ammo and gold.

The odor comes through the screen.

There is Henry Paulson, Goldman Sachs U.S. Treasury Secretary, looking like he has just shoplifted a box of BC off a Wal-Mart shelf.

Updated: Fri Dec 14, 2007

Have a Complaint? Get in Line for 11/23/2007

Fri, 23 Nov 2007 21:00:00 -0800

A reader called and said, "You are the sixth person I have spoken with, and they all denied knowing you."

I replied, "So, you've spoken with my relatives."

"No! The newspaper office."

Updated: Fri Nov 23, 2007

A Vote for Liberty or Death for 11/16/2007

Fri, 16 Nov 2007 21:00:00 -0800

Americans believe they are special, superior, chosen and blessed by God. All empires promulgated this myth.

There is no limit to the follies and atrocities of a powerful people when they impose their will upon others, as master to slave.

When humanity perceives such a people as a threat, the survival instinct is to kill the rogue tribe.

Updated: Fri Nov 16, 2007

We Have Seen the Rubes, and They Are Us for 10/26/2007

Fri, 26 Oct 2007 21:00:00 -0700

It is known outside of Northwest Florida that residents of this coast are a rabble of rubes.

These beaches, bays and bayous to which the country flocks go to waste on the natives.

It is true we take baths every Saturday night whether we need them or not.

Updated: Fri Oct 26, 2007

Help for Old and Young -- Federal Style for 10/19/2007

Fri, 19 Oct 2007 21:00:00 -0700

The first baby boomer signed up this week to collect Social Security.

Also, the government announced Social Security recipients would get a whopping 2.3 percent cost of living increase next year.

Hawaii here we come, perhaps by canoe.

Updated: Fri Oct 19, 2007

Grab The Tasers -- It's The Big One for 09/28/2007

Fri, 28 Sep 2007 21:00:00 -0700

It is coming in the nick of time.

In a move to ensure the staff's health, the newspaper may hold CPR classes between coffee and cigarette breaks.

I suggested this after another week of news, during which I hurled insults and sunflower seeds at the office tube, screaming, "It's the BIG ONE, you MORONS!"

Updated: Fri Sep 28, 2007

We All Bleed When The Crocodiles Cry for 09/07/2007

Fri, 07 Sep 2007 21:00:00 -0700

Gold topped $700 an ounce for December futures contracts.

You may recall when it was $270, when oil was $18 a barrel, when gas at the pump was about a dollar. We are not pining wistfully for some bygone era. This was six short years ago.

Even if you own gold, you may not celebrate its rise. It means the reason you bought it — as insurance against the profligate spending, greed, theft and immorality of government — has intensified.

Updated: Fri Sep 07, 2007

Gringos and Amigos Hit Road to Riches for 08/31/2007

Fri, 31 Aug 2007 21:00:00 -0700

The amigos gathered at the Alamo's electric meter, which was spinning, spinning, spinning.

The power bill had arrived. The boys took it as a threat to the Alamo homeland security. They stormed from the barracks, bent on vengeance.

They cast a Spanish spell — an intoxicating potion of beer and accordion music, in a haze of cigarette smoke. They flogged the meter with The Wall Street Journal, normally used to swat flies.

Updated: Fri Aug 31, 2007

Volatility? We've Been Here Before for 08/10/2007

Fri, 10 Aug 2007 21:00:00 -0700

Updated: Fri Aug 10, 2007

Hope For A Man Of The Earth for 07/20/2007

Fri, 20 Jul 2007 21:00:00 -0700

When I edited a newspaper in Alabama farm country, I acquired agricultural expertise.

A Yankee traveler called one afternoon and said she had heard of the crops in our part of the country, but she could not find the peanut vines.

Taking pity, I said, "Darlin', grapes grow on vines. Peanuts grow on trees.

Updated: Fri Jul 20, 2007

No, Walter, There Is Not A Santa Clause for 07/13/2007

Fri, 13 Jul 2007 21:00:00 -0700

Just when I needed a boost, a reader sent a letter that elevated my state of agitation to near normal. I herewith respond.

Dear Walter,

You object to my assertion in "The Boom and Bust of Malice" that the Federal Reserve engineered the Great Depression.

Updated: Fri Jul 13, 2007

Another Crisis Of Federales for 06/29/2007

Fri, 29 Jun 2007 21:00:00 -0700

A crisis shook the Alamo.

The federal ethanol scheme struck again. Already reeling at the price of tacos, the amigos appeared dumbstruck at the latest revelations: the cheese squeeze.

With about 20 percent of the nation's corn crop diverted from food to fuel — as promoted in television commercials with violin soundtracks — federal planners have achieved the ultimate in punishment of the populace.

Updated: Fri Jun 29, 2007

Liberty Is Not For Sale for 06/22/2007

Fri, 22 Jun 2007 21:00:00 -0700

Freedom dies in laziness and fear.

Yawning, we surrender without a shot our rights most dear. Quivering, we let a president take the power of a king.

We have given over our right to habeas corpus, guaranteed in our Constitution, to a single person, to any flake, fluke or fraud who might stumble or steal his way into the presidency.

Updated: Fri Jun 22, 2007

The Plan: We Share, They Prosper for 06/01/2007

Fri, 01 Jun 2007 21:00:00 -0700

The duck situation at the Alamo took a turn for the worse. The feathered welfare wards multiplied in number and girth.

Close observation revealed two causes: a Spanish infatuation with feeding the beasts, and prohibitions against the discharge of firearms within city limits, an assault upon our Second Amendment right to free our property of bird droppings.

Additionally, the fowls seemed drawn to Mexican accordion music, which wafted romantically day and night from boomboxes throughout the compound.

Updated: Fri Jun 01, 2007

Gas Gougers, Start Your Engines for 05/25/2007

Fri, 25 May 2007 21:00:00 -0700

Florida's governor arose from his tanning bed to engage in the populist pap politicians cannot resist.

Charlie Crist and a gang of governors, 22 in all, wrote a letter to Congress. They want hearings into the rising price of gasoline.

Go get 'em, guvnahs.

Updated: Fri May 25, 2007

Today's Stock Tip -- Buy Eggs for 05/11/2007

Fri, 11 May 2007 21:00:00 -0700

A colleague wondered what he might buy today and sell next year for profit.

I suggested eggs. The price rose 30 percent last year and should continue rising the next.

As the federales jack the price of corn via the ethanol scheme, financed with the deficit spending of a counterfeit fiat currency, anything produced from grain-fed beasts will rise in price.

Updated: Fri May 11, 2007

And Now, A Word From Our Sponsor for 05/04/2007

Fri, 04 May 2007 21:00:00 -0700

You cannot be trusted to choose.

Do not think about it. The state will think for you.

A fungus rotting the foundation of our republic, regressives will issue another fount of fascism from the cesspool of their collectivist ideology.

Updated: Fri May 04, 2007

A Sequel In The Drug Massacres for 04/20/2007

Fri, 20 Apr 2007 21:00:00 -0700

From Columbine perhaps to Blacksburg, we have witnessed carnage by people on psychotropic drugs.

Yet we hear no demands for probes into prescribed antidepressants.

Instead, we hear cries for gun control.

Updated: Fri Apr 20, 2007

It Is Time For A Trim, Comrades for 03/30/2007

Fri, 30 Mar 2007 21:00:00 -0700

I am in full bunker lockdown mode, heavily fortified, nose in the wind, ear to the ground, finger on the trigger and poised to make a break for the hills.

Even the despot Castro smells an economic rat. He has credentials. After almost 50 years of communist looting, he has raised Cubans' annual per capita income to $3,900, almost enough to buy one '55 rust bucket sans motor and wheels.

He rose last week from his soiled sickbed to pen a love letter to his people: "Reflections of the Comandante in Chief."

Updated: Fri Mar 30, 2007