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Preview: Ex-Confessions of a SPC

Ex-Confessions of a SPC

What used to be the fictional made up ramblings and events in the life of a UK Special Constable in a County Police Force. Its ups, downs, and amusing moments in the eyes of someone who does it for nothing! Am I mad?? Read on! All posts are Copyrighted

Updated: 2017-10-16T12:52:05.192+01:00





A Birthday Funeral


Well, almost been doing this for a year, but this is the last post.

PSD know about this, my supervisors know, thats enough. Im not putting collegues at risk, my force's reputation at risk etc etc, so thats it. The end. Sadly.

Thankyou all my readers, fellow bloggers, and collegues for giving me ideas and amusing tales.

Stay safe, oh, and enjoy some humble pie.

The Elderly of Today


Have a read of this story about a 68 year old woman who was found guilty of growing cannabis. In particular, I liked what a supporter of her said which was

"I hoped the jury would find her not guilty and that the law might change."

Quite how they would find her not guilty I dont know.

I am interested in peoples views of this old woman though. Would it differ if she were 28 as opposed to 68?

Local Community


Went into the local co-op today to get a few bits and bobs which I forgot from the weekly shop. Not only were there a couple of till persons, but a security guard who was saying how he was there full time now.

Quite sad how loads of places like this require a security guard.

On another note, why do we not get this type of stuff as reality TV. Would beat Big Brother any day!

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Proud to be British


Are you?

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I Would Never - Results!


CID(image) 5%6
Traffic(image) 7%8
Response(image) 3%3
Community Team(image) 5%6
Professional Standards(image) 25%27
Speed Camera Team(image) 35%38
Prisoner Interview Team(image) 8%9
At all(image) 12%13
(image) (image) (image)
110 votes total

So, Speed Camera Team was the most unpopular!? Why on earth is this??

Happy Hunting


Now that driving whilst on the phone carries 3 points and a £60 fine, will people stop doing it? Has anyone given a ticket for this yet? If so, what has their reaction been.

These photo's were taken yesterday






Obviously it wont change some peoples attitude



Its good to see the "youth of today" clearly listening to Tony Blair and pals with their concept of "respect"

Take the photo to the right for example.

What is it I hear you ask? It was an ambulance. Why is it in this condition? Is the garage decomissioning it? Was it involved in a crash?

No. It was parked outside a house on a 999 call. Whilst paramedics were inside the house, some "yoofs" decided to smash the windows, nick the sat nav, and smash the inside up.
Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting.

Dont Investigate Mispers


Having a read on it became clear why people dislike having to attend mispers.

"TWO fuming cops had to fork out £90 after their police car was clamped as they hunted for a missing person.

One of the officers had to draw cash from his bank account to get their marked Ford Fusion released after an hour and a half.

They parked in a private car park at 10.45am on Bank Holiday Monday — and a team from Aquarius Securities fixed a yellow clamp to a front wheel.

Witness Jim Birmingham, 45, said: "I was absolutely gobsmacked. When I caught his eye, the clamper looked at me with a little smile. The police were not a happy bunch."

Barry McQuile, of Aquarius Securities, said that the car was only clamped when it became clear the police were not on business at the firm that leases the car park space in Portsmouth, Hants.

He said: "Police need to realise they’re not above the law."

But Inspector John Anderson said the clamping firm had failed to use common sense.

He added: "The officers were investigating a case of a high-risk missing person. They were only gone five minutes. An employee has been reported for obstructing police."

Well, almost a detection out of it.

Still About


Just not had a chance to post anything lately. Apologies

UK Worst for Children?


Apparently this fine country is the worst for failing children! How can this be I ask . . . .

Be aware its quite graphic and violent.

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Other's have done this already, but still, it does amaze me how people find this blog! The following are various words used in a search engine to find this blog:

  • French Prison System
  • Being threatened by a member of the public
  • Stabbing at Tesco Express
  • How to do Wheelspins in a car
  • Confessions of Fireman Sam
  • Kitchen Nightmares
  • Chav Meter
  • Spc Limit Tea
  • What Makes People Lie
  • Spc Saudi Arabia
  • Sneaky Beaky
  • How to get off with seat belt offence
  • Dont See
  • Speed Bumps Cause Accidents
  • British Prisoners Freed
  • Solongo
  • Confessions of a Superhero Documentory
  • Women in Prison - What Does Time Mean
  • Police Shed Shot Available
  • Can a door supervisor use aggressive force
  • Special f***
Very strange!



Just a reminder that this blog is ficticious and should be regarded as such. Normal service will resume Monday

The Bill


Have to love "The Bill".

One of many things on it which would be great if real is when dealing with an incident!

The Bill

  • Get sent grade one to a 2 day old theft
  • Turn up on blues/legging it on foot
  • Talk to the owner, find out it was tens of thousands of pounds worth of goods taken, get a full perfect description with the offender caught on cctv with a full view of their face, drivers license with name and address on it too.
  • Leave the store after hearing this without doing any paperwork, taking statements, booking on crimes, spot the offender, chase them, and arrest them


  • Control calls for someone to attend 2 day old theft
  • No reply, so straws are drawn
  • Officers attend in the hope of being diverted to another job
  • Once they arrive, the item stolen comes to a value of £2.34, the cctv is of poor quality, all you can see is a blurred person in dark clothing as the camera was facing the wrong way, the disc of the cctv cant be released until the morning manager comes in the next day, the store worker is also unable to provide a good description.
  • Take statement
  • Book on crime
  • Give shop crime number
  • Leave
  • Go back to the nick and complete more paperwork

The Non Tale of the Criminal Damage...


..and the Taxi Driver.

Come across a taxi stopped in the middle of the road with two males squaring up to each other. Yep - you have probably guessed it, the taxi driver and the passenger.

The passengers issue was that he didnt want to pay to go all the way home. He was only just leaving the town centre and had been charged £4.00. It should be a £6 journey in total. I can see his problem, the taxi driver was having a go at trying to make a few more quid. Sadly for him, the passenger was sober and knew this.

A collegue spoke to this male who was a dead pleasant chap, and apparently his dad is a Chief Inspector in a neighbouring force. I got the short straw of the taxi driver!

He went on about how the male had kicked his car, and it went a little like this:

Him: He has kicked my car.......twice!
Me: Where is the damage?
Him: Here, look, look
*nothing to see at all, not even a foot mark!*
Me: I dont see anything at all *check around that area too*
Him: He did it, I want him arrested, I want him prosecuted
Me: There is no damage, I cant do any of this!
Him: You have to, you have to prosecute
Me: I cant, and I wont
Him: This is f***ing stupid
Me: Im sorry, but there is no damage or anything!
Him: You are useless, you are not doing your job properly, your a f***ing idiot, I have had enough of you lot, you are all s**t.
Me: Easy, there is no need to get worked up! There is no damage, your not injured or anything, calm down.
Him: You are useless you lot are, all a bunch of idiots, I want your number, your PC number.
Me: *I assumed he meant collar number* Ofcourse you can, its ***.
Him: I am going to complain that you are not doing your job properly.
Me: Oh right, I have said why I cant and wont do anything! I will have words with the male though
*take down his badge number and cab number*
Me: *recieves more abuse* How about I ring taxi licensing and let them know how rude, abusive, and threatening you have been towards me, how you will not listen to my explanation, and your threats to passengers??
Him: Ok ok sir, I sorry I understand, please dont please dont, I will lose my taxi.

Touché good sir!

The Liberation


Driving through Scroatsville town centre, we saw Tim being hassled by people. Being pushed about, jumped on, and mis treated. In the van, we mounted a mission to rescue Tim from this crowd. We spend a good few minutes planning the operation, risk assessing the situation and taking on board any diversity and human rights issues which may arise. We then commenced the operation.

We got Tim away from the abusive group and gave them strong words of advice for their conduct. They looked as if we had just taken away all their fun, totally ruining their evening.

We had.

Whilst the abusive group were distracted, we grabbed Tim and struggled to get him on the van, but eventually we did.

The sgt called up control and informed them of the sitation and that we were going to take Tim away from the scene for his own protection, and promptly left the scene.

Eventually we made it to the safety of Sainsburys, where Tim the Trolley was liberated.

For those wondering, yes it was a quiet night!

I Would Never


Another quick poll for you! Please feel free to add a comment to justify your reasoning! What would you rather do instead too!

I would Never Work....
Community Team
Professional Standards
Speed Camera Team
Prisoner Interview Team
At all

Deal, or No Deal?


Should I remain on a response team or should I go to a "community" team.

Being on response seems to be job to job to job and most of them seem to be domestics or shoplifters depending on the time of day!

The "community" team where I would be going is in a rough part of town (Crime Hub of Scroatsville), its easier to drive to from home, and doesnt cover anywhere near where I live. The stuff we would do is drugs raids, sneaky beaky operations etc. The team are great and we all have a great time when we crew and all are very pro-special.
Oddly there are more response drivers on this team than the response team.

What do you reckon? What woud you do?

Police on Speed


I have already looked at taxi drivers, mobile phone users and those who dont wear seatbelts and not forgetting speed cameras!What about all the stories we hear about how naughty the police are as we speed all the time. Sometimes without the blue lights and sirens.Just to clear up to members of the public who may be unaware.Section 87 Road Traffic Regulations Act 1984 exempts certain emergency vehicles from speed limits if observance would hinder the use of the vehicle for the purpose it was being used for on that occasion.Basically, if sticking to the speed limits would hinder the emergency/incident, then the police (and other services outlined in Section 87) then they can speed.This means thatBlue lights do not have to be usedSirens do not have to be usedIf a police car is speeding and doesnt have blue lights and sirens going, doesnt always mean that they are just speeding for the hell of it (obviously sometimes it does)If a police car wacks its lights on overtakes you turns them off and bombs it off, they are not always late for the Kebab house run, they may be going somewhere urgently but dont want to give the fact away to who they are looking for.Obviously, this leads to many problems.1) The moaning member of public. This is the sort of person who goes out of their way to find a non story, and blow it out of proportion. Such stories include the caller complaining that the police car went through a red light "too fast" or just the fact that they did it, that they were not wearing a seat belt at the same time as having the person in the back of the car jumping all over the place (kicking off).This sort of thing is something that happens quite often. This is one of the latest stories.You might even get the odd disalusioned person saying things such as "Speed cameras, and the way speed is being enforced, are criminalising everybody, but the police's own people are let off"Nigel Humphries of the Association of British Drivers. Lets see what he says when his house is being burgled with him being threatened with a knife or a gun and to have the police stuck in traffic, or making at the speed limit from 20 miles away.2) The more serious stories crop up from time to time which involve police vehicle accidents.Apparently, according to the good old Home Office anyway, 126 people died as a result of an accident involving a police vehicle between 2000 and 2004.Everytime a police officer gets into a car, they could be open to being charged with driving without due care and attention or even dangerous driving should something happen. Examples of this can be found here here and there are many times when a crash happens which injures or kills an officer.Not forgetting cases such as PC Milton - these dont help in what the public think of police driving!What should be done about it though??How many times on an average shift do officers go to a grade one (blue light job). Many thousand times a day across the country. How many of these result in an accident?What would happen if there was no exemption? People would critisise the police for taking too long to get somewhere, for not doing enough.This just relates back to my good old theory of damned if we do, damned if we dont.[...]

This Week


Following my last few posts on Prisons, this week I shall focus on "traffic laws" and stories to do with traffic.

As for my previous theme, let me know what you think to this idea below!

Theme Weeks
Yes! Great Idea!
Nah, its rubbish
Themes? I didnt notice

Britain Britain Britain!


Is this the only country where if your a dangerous sick (as in perverted) criminal, you dont get sent to prison yet if you "hack" a Royals phone, you get sent to prison.

Now I know which one I would rather see locked up!!

In the words of Inspector G "You couldnt make it up"

Aint it Funny


Scroatsville has been hit quite badly over the past few months with robberies in a specific area.

Solution: An operation
Details: Have dedicated plain clothes and marked patrols in the area
Sucessful: Yes - the main offender was caught in the act and arrested.
But really, was it sucessful: No - the offender that we caught is still out and about doing robberys and keeps getting arrested.

Surely he shouldnt be out on the streets!

A solution to this??

Prison II


My last post looked at how "bad" prisons apparently are.This time, a look around the world - I shall let you see how nice and cushty prisoners in Britain are compared to the rest. As always, please let me know your views.Russia Criminals in the former Soviet state are still sent to the “gulags” Russia has 900,000 prisoners and many are held in the 120 remote hard labour camps which date from Communist dictator Stalin’s brutal reign. During winter temperatures can fall to -40°C. Inmates are expected to cover their own costs and often have to cut timber in bitter conditions to earn cash. City jails are just as tough. Kresty prison in St Petersburg, where revolutionary Leon Trotsky was once held, was built for 1,000 inmates — but now holds ten times that figure. Up to 14 people share cells measuring just over 9ft by 9ft. Food is very basic and rationed and Russian prisoners complain of malnourishment. The conditions have led to poor health among inmates with one in ten contracting TB. Russia’s crime rate is 1,754 per 100,000 people. However, the country has an extremely high murder rate — four times that of America. GreeceGreece has a prison population of around 8,841 in 25 boot camp-style jails. In Athens’s Drapetsona detention centre, inmates — who can be detained there for up to a year — sleep on the floor, receive only basic food and little medical care. Prisoners are expected to buy their own toothpaste and other toiletries and use crude toilet and washing facilities. Detainees here are not allowed access to social workers or other state services. Greece’s largest jail is the Korydallos Prison Complex, which houses some 2,200 inmates. Its claustrophobic cells measure 6½ft by 10ft and prisoners are confined to their beds while under lock and key. Criminals on remand in Athens’s Kolonos police station jail also sleep on cell floors and are not allowed baths or hot water. Wardens feed them just one basic meal each day. Greek crime is 4,145 offences for every 100,000 inhabitants.Saudi ArabiaWesterners held inside Saudi Arabia’s no-mercy penal system often complain about harsh conditions — but very few risk becoming repeat offenders. Around 23,000 adult inmates are behind bars in 30 jails and more than half are foreign nationals. Saudi’s largest prison al-Hair, in the capital of Riyadh, is modern and clean but offers only the most basic of “comforts”. Jailed British expats complain of brutal conditions in al-Hair and other Saudi jails. They claim wardens regularly use axe handles and iron bars to extract confessions. Four hundred prisoners held at Al-Jawf’s central prison recently rioted over conditions. Inmates wanted newspapers, doors on bathrooms and recreation facilities. Saudi has just 405 offences per 100,000 people — the lowest crime rate of the nations on this page. BrazilScores of inmates leave Brazil’s tough prison system before the end of their sentences — but only in wooden boxes. Brazil’s 512 prisons — known as presídios — are among the harshest in the world. Sao Paulo’s Carandiru jail is Latin America’s largest jail, holding 6,500 inmates. Prisoners live in dormitory cells laid out along long corridors. Inmates depend on relatives to provide bedding, mattresses, clothing and toiletries. Brazil also locks up criminals inside local police jails. These often consist of a covered patio flanked by cells. An inmate in one such jail in Minas Gerais said[...]



Facts about prison

  • Up to three-quarters of men in UK prisons suffer from two or more mental disorders.
  • One in four women in prison has spent time in local authority care as a child
  • The number of 15-17 year olds in prison has more than doubled over the last ten years
  • It costs over £40,000 per year to keep a person in prison
  • 67.4% of all prisoners re-offend within two years of release
  • The suicide rate for men in prison is five times that of men in the community
  • Almost one third of suicides occur within the first week in custody, 1 in 7 within 2 days
  • One study found that 72% of those who committed suicide in prison had a history of mental disorder
  • Boys in prison aged 15-17 are eighteen times more likely to kill themselves than in the community
  • Almost 1 in 5 of those held on remand before trial were acquitted or not proceeded against
  • Recalled prisoners now make up nearly 11% of the population of local prisons
  • One third of all women in prison had no previous convictions
  • The majority of women in prison are held for non-violent offences
  • Nearly two thirds of women in prison have a drug problem
  • Over half of the women in prison have suffered domestic abuse, 1 in 3 sexual abuse
  • It is estimated that 150,000 children have a parent in prison
  • England & Wales has the highest number of life sentanced prisoners in Europe. It has more than German, France, Italy and Turkey - combined.
  • 30% of people released from prison will have nowhere to live
  • Over half of all prisoners are at or below the level of an 11 year old at reading
  • Just under half of all male prisoners were excluded from school
Does prison work? Does it rehabilitate people? Does it solve matters? More importantly, does it reduce crime?

Is it time to actually tackle the causes of crime, the upbringing of a child & parenting.

What I Saw Today


A driving instructor driving about on his phone. I do wonder what he would say if one of his pupils decided to do this.

Another thing I saw today . . .

Why is it perfectly legal for someone to, whilst driving, mess about in their handbag looking for their fags, find them, open the packet, stick a fag in their mouth, search around for the lighter, attempt to light the cigarette, find the lighter doesnt work so have to pay even more attention to the lighter trying to get it to work, even using their other hand.
However, its illegal to hold something to your ear and will soon carry 3 points and £60 fine.

Go figure.

(by the way, before I get jumped on, I do not think using a phone whilst driving is a good idea)