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AngelBrat's Blog

Random thoughts from the mind of me - a happily married stay at home wife and mother with two beautiful girls and a very handsome baby boy.

Last Build Date: Fri, 16 Mar 2018 11:22:42 +0000


Thu, 29 Jun 2017 05:24:00 +0000

I'm still here. It's been a busy spring and summer. Morgan had a very rough spring. She spent a grand total of 26 days in the hospital and had 2 major abdominal surgeries. She's had GI problems for years, and it turned out that she had a previously undiagnosed congenital malrotation that had to be repaired, so the first surgery (in March) was a laparotomy with a Ladd's procedure and an appendectomy. She had a second, 12 day long hospital stay resulting from complications a few days after she got home from the first surgery, and a second reparative surgery was scheduled for April. That one was a duodenojejunostomy. She's pretty well mended by now, but she had to go on homebound teaching for school because she missed everything from the last part of February on. So she's out of school, but we're still playing catch up with her work. 

She turned 16 in April, and earlier this month her Uncle Will bought her her first car (I know). So now she's on the hunt for a job and I'm basically going a little insane that she's only going to be a kid for a few more years. Jack starts kindergarten this fall too, so there's that. 

I've really been struggling the last little bit, fighting off depression. I emailed Nick tonight and told him this, and basically called a permanent end to DD. It hurt to do so, but it's really not been a thing for us for a long time. My need for it is as strong as it ever was, so for there to be this constant faint but not real hope that he might pick it up again has been so incredibly hard for me. I think that just knowing for sure that it's dead will maybe be easier on me. Frankly every time I've tried to bring it up (which has been a number of times lately), he's just kind of given me a blank stare, and it's like he has no intention of ever doing it again, but he doesn't want to take the responsibility of admitting it because then he's the bad guy who let me down. But there's no point in stringing me along. There's been no mention of it at all from him since that one time in January, and that really was because he was angry, not because he was trying to benefit me. And whatever, I get that it's not his thing and never was and he was only doing it for me. I just wish he would own it that he's abandoned this. The
whole "You wanted me to be in charge so let me decide when we do this" argument is kind of bs. It's a cop out. I just want some freaking closure so I can move on. I told him about the email, and I know he's read it, but he hasn't responded or even acknowledged it. He came to bed and barely said goodnight before he fell asleep, which leaves me feeling like even a conversation about it is too much of a hassle. And whatever, I don't want think about it anymore. I don't want to be like this anymore. I wish I could just turn it off forever, because this is never going to be anything but an unmet need for me, and I don't know what to do with it or how to make it go away. But I need at the very least for him to say, "Okay, you're right, we're done with it, I quit." Maybe if I hear it in words instead of just actions I can start to find peace with it. 

Thoughts on closets and convenience

Fri, 13 Jan 2017 08:12:00 +0000

Tuesday evening I got a spanking. I haven't talked about it here because I wasn't sure yet how to talk about it and say what I meant. I screwed up. I didn't mean to, but it happened. After juggling some things around with bills, I went to Walmart on Friday and spent about $240 on groceries and other necessities. We hadn't bought groceries in a while and we were out of almost everything, plus we've had a birthday party planned for this Saturday for Jack. When I got in the car and looked at the bank account I realized that we were actually going to end up about $18 short when the electric bill came out in a few days.It was snowing pretty hard right then though, so I decided to go ahead and head home. The party is supposed to be dinosaur themed, and I had planned to make stuffed dinosaur tails for the kids as party favors and had purchased two large bags of stuffing for that purpose. So anyway, on Monday I took back the stuffing and deposited the money in the bank to cover what we had out. Tuesday when Nick came home we lay down on our bed for a few minutes since Morgan was graciously making dinner for me that night. I pulled up the bank account to make sure my deposit from the previous day had gone in and was shocked to see that we were showing over $200 overdrawn. I said a rather bad word, which got Nick's attention, and he asked me what was wrong. I was frantically scrolling through the transactions and realized with my stomach dropping that a $212 bill payment transaction I thought had already cleared before I went to Walmart in fact didn't clear until Monday night. My deposit covered that transaction, but now there wasn't enough to cover the electric bill, which was showing pending and causing the overdrawn total. The really terrifying thing was that it was just pending and and hadn't actually been paid yet, so not only were we looking at a fee when it processed, but the bank might actually decide to return it, possibly causing our power to be cut off. To say Nick was furious is an understatement. As I was desperately searching the transactions to see if it had somehow posted twice (it hadn't), Nick got up, and I heard the lock on our door snap into place. He told me to get up, and it was with a sense of amazement that I realized he was going to spank me. I hadn't been punished in over a year. The whole concept of domestic discipline has been much on my mind lately, perhaps because we reached our 13th anniversary with it on New Year's Eve, but every time I wanted to ask him about it I couldn't find the words or the nerve to do it. I assumed it was a thing of the past, and when I thought of it, it sat there in my heart like a small heavy thing with no way to remove it. It wasn't something that actually even occurred to me when I saw the bank balance, but I got to my feet without conscious thought and followed him into the closet. Our closet is very large, really big enough to be a decent small office, and our chest of implements sits under the window at the back of it. When I had thought about where things like this would take place in this house I assumed it would be the closet. It sits above the garage and puts two doors between us and the kids, so it's really the only place to go where they might not hear a spanking being given. He shut the closet door behind us, his belt in hand, folded over twice. He herded me back to the chest and I sat down on it to face him. There was a quick brutal lecture about paying more attention and being more careful and taking more responsibility, but I didn't have anything I could say in my defense other than I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, it was an accident. He told me to get up and turn around, then to bend over. I bent over and put my hands on the chest and lasted 10 licks before I couldn't stay still. He made me bend over again, and again I made it through 10. He told me I'd better turn back around and be grateful this was all I was getting, and he gave me 10 more. When it was over he left me there and went back to lie down on the bed. S[...]


Fri, 13 Jan 2017 06:53:00 +0000

So I fell off posting in December. It's always a crazy busy month for me because of dealing with Christmas gifts. God showed up in so many ways for us last month. One of the biggest blessings was around the middle of the month. All three kids were sick, but especially Jack. Our pediatrician copay is $5, and I had figured out that we were going to have exactly that much available in the bank to cover it. Then a preauthorized payment came in a day early. I got enough money in the bank to cover it before it processed out, but because they knew about it before I made the deposit, they still charged $70 in fees, which put us $65 overdrawn. Not only did this take the copay money, but it meant that if we couldn't get enough to cover the shortage within a few days they would charge us another fee on top of it. I asked my Facebook friends to please lift us up for an unspoken prayer request, and I called the bank as soon as customer service opened. I explained the situation, and the agent was very nice and agreed to refund half the fee ($70), which was great, but it still left us $30 short and needing money for the doctor. I asked if a manager might be able to refund the rest, and he seemed doubtful, but agreed to get one on the line. Let me just tell you, that lady was an angel. She listened to this stressed out teary mama, and not only did she waive the other $35, but she went back on the account and waived every fee she could find, putting our account at a positive $110. I had gone to drop off some work for Morgan at school since she was home sick and made the call from the parking lot there. I sat in my car and cried over how above and beyond good to us God is. So I got to take all three kids to the doctor instead of just Jack, which turned out to be a very good thing since they all three had strep. 

The whole month God pulled us through bit by bit. I had 8 or 10 craft orders throughout the month that covered gas and groceries day by day. 

Grant and Kelly had their baby boy on the 9th of December, and I got to be in the room for it taking pictures, which is such a special thing for me. This is the third niece or nephew I've had the privilege of seeing born, and it's the best thing ever!

Christmas was very nice. Nick bought me a couple of pieces for my Willow Tree Nativity, a couple of pretty bras, and some makeup. I got him some duck decoys, a duck call, a few stocking stuffers, and I made him 4 custom t shirts, which were a big hit. The kids got pretty much everything they wanted, and life was good all around. 

Right now we are in a very hard place financially again, but I know God shines brightest in those situations, and I can't wait to see what He does to meet our needs again. 

December already

Sun, 04 Dec 2016 20:17:00 +0000

I can't believe it's December already! It's been a little bit of a rough week. Our dog Taco passed away Wednesday evening. He was a rescue the came to us from my sweet friend Mary who saved him just as they were taking him back to euthanize him. She got him to us, and we had two sweet years with him before he passed away. 

Friday we had a family get together at my cousin's house, which was fun. The kids got some fun gifts, and I got to see some family I don't get to see very often. 

Yesterday my mom brought by some groceries, which was a huge help as we were basically out. Right now I would really appreciate your prayers that God will send some funds by tomorrow. We have car insurance coming out, and I don't have the money in there to cover it right now. Nick also needs gas in his truck, and we have about another $85 in bills to cover by tomorrow as well. I know God is able, and I'm grateful already for His timely provision!


Sun, 27 Nov 2016 07:32:00 +0000

Did you guys have a good Thanksgiving? Ours was very nice! As usual we went to my mom and dad's house, and Mom fixed the ham, potatoes, and a few pies while Kelly, Faith, and I handled the rest of the food. Kelly made the turkey, which is always amazing. She gets it so juicy! She also brought a few other things, deviled eggs, sweet potato casserole, rolls, chocolate truffles, and the sweetest little turkey cookies for the kids. Faith made squash casserole, fried okra, shucked beans, rolls, and homemade honey and pumpkin butters. Yum! Nick made deviled eggs, and I made corn casserole, lemon blossoms, pumpkin trifle, and cranberry sauce. After lunch the guys went hunting while the rest of us just hung out and talked and watched the kids, and I even got to take a nap - decadence!I got paid for the aprons I made for the church that day, and I also had the money come in on Paypal for a decal order, which was nice. Another neat thing that happened was that Nick got to bring home a HoneyBaked Ham from his job on Wednesday, and it is SO good! I mentioned last time I posted that I had found some great Christmas gifts at thrift stores. Well, one of those gifts that I found last week was a kid's die cutting machine called a Cuttlekids. These retail for about $45, and I found one new in the box with all the accessories for $3.99. I have a big die cutting machine myself that I love and use all the time, and Daisy always wants to use it, so I know she'll love this. The thing is, it only comes with a couple of dies, so when I went to a different thrift store this past Wednesday I had it in mind to try to find a few more dies for it. Now I didn't think it was particularly likely that I would find any, but it was just a thought. Would you believe that I found a whole pile of them still in their packages? They ranged from $.99 to $1.99, and the $1.99 ones had multiple dies in the pack. I scooped them right up! Then I went to Joann Fabric for their early Black Friday sale. They had flannel on sale for 70% off, so was able to buy enough for baby blankets for all the soon to be born babies I need to buy for for less than $2.50 a blanket. I'll be taking 5 of them to church tomorrow and making 3 for Kelly and Grant's baby. Joann's also had their remnants marked 75% off the current price, which made flannel remnants something like $0.52/yard, and I got a bunch of remnants which will go to make pillows and lovey blankets. We've been so blessed this year with Christmas gifts for the kids coming in from all different directions. A friend messaged me today asking me if I would like a pair of boots that belonged to her daughter and had only been worn twice. Yesterday  I got a call from my mom telling me that my cousin had decided to get rid of their air hockey table and my aunt wanted to get rid of her elliptical machine. They were both just going to take them to the thrift store, but they wanted to know if we wanted them instead. Um, yes please! The elliptical is going to go in our bedroom, and the air hockey table is going to be an awesome Christmas gift for the kids! This particular cousin has blessed us with timely hand-me-down in the past. In fact, she's pretty much made Christmas for our kids a time or two. Jack's birthday is 8 days after Christmas, which sometimes makes it a little tight, and last year she passed along her son's like-new Spiderman bike for us to give him as a gift from us.Kelly, I think I mentioned, is having a baby (any day now), and she asked me if she could buy some htv (heat transfer vinyl) from me for a project. She wanted to make a milestone blanket for the baby, but she was afraid that if she ordered the vinyl online it wouldn't have time to get here before the baby came. I had some on hand, so she came out tonight and I cut out the numbers and words on my Cameo and we put it together. She owed me money for the vinyl (it took over 6 feet of it), but she forgot to bring it with her, so w[...]

Showers of Blessings

Wed, 23 Nov 2016 08:35:00 +0000

Guys, I just have to tell you, God just keeps blessing me! As of my last post before LOL Day, we were pretty down to the wire with money. Kelly and Grant's photo shoot was very close to our house thankfully, because I drove there on a very close to empty tank. The photo shoot went so well - both my niece and nephew and even the dog were so cooperative and well behaved, and I got some great shots of everybody. After we were done we walked back to our cars, and I was kind of hanging out talking to Grant while Kelly got the kids in the car. She walked over to tell me goodbye and handed me a check for $75.00! I honestly, really, truly had not expected them to pay me anything, and I wasn't even thinking about it standing there. They've sometimes paid me some in the past, but not always, and I was happy to do the shoot either way. I assured them that they didn't need to do that, but they insisted, and it was such an answer to prayer! I was able to put gas in the car and buy some groceries for dinner that night.A little later my mom called to tell me she had found a couple of really cool robotic dinosaurs at a thrift store for me to give Jack for Christmas. Morgan was spending the night with her, so when I dropped her off Mom showed them to me, and they both work.  I looked them up online, and they retail for around $100 each, but she got them both for $12. They're going to make an awesome Christmas gift for him!The next day we had lunch provided for us at the birthday party of one of our other nephews, which was nice. I was supposed to do his 3 year pictures that day after the party, but Faith wasn't feeling well, so we postponed it.By Sunday the $75 has been almost completely spent on gas and groceries. I sat in church that morning thinking about the last $8 in my wallet, about how I had asked God to bless me, and how He had been doing so, and how that $8 was just about 10% of the $75 Grant and Kelly had given me. So when they passed the plate, I dropped it in, determined to keep having faith. Nick runs the sound board every service at church. After the service I made my way to the sound room to find him with a huge grin on his face and an envelope with his name on it in his hand. Inside was a Christmas thank you check from the church for $750. For the last couple of years they've done this for him because he not only runs the sound board, but he also maintains the supply stock in the room and fulfills the requests for our sermon CD and DVD ministry. We had both forgotten about it though, and it's not a guaranteed thing anyway. What a blessing! God took that little $8 I put in the plate and gave it back to us almost 100 fold! I thought He was blessing me with the $75 a couple days earlier, then He turned around and gave us 10x as much! And you want to know something funny? Remember that $8? Well a couple weeks prior a lady at church had asked me to make her a couple of decals for her and her husband, but they hadn't been back to church since. That morning her husband was there and told me his wife had told him he needed to give me some money. It was to get his decals that I had gone up to the sound room when Nick showed me the check. And it was with that happy news in my heart that I brought the decals back down to the man - and collected $8 from him.Yesterday I had a deposit of $27 for an Etsy order that came in on Thursday. Today a lady that I was paired with in a craft exchange a couple of years ago messaged me and ordered 11 decals from me, which will be $33 when it comes in. Tonight Robert asked me to make a church logo decal for his car and asked me to price them out because he's going to offer them for sale to church members. And just a little while ago I finished up an order for 9 aprons for a church that our church supports. Our church bought all the materials and will be paying me $45 labor, plus I get to keep the heat transfer vinyl that was leftover.I've also found some real[...]

Love Our Lurkers 11

Sat, 19 Nov 2016 04:15:00 +0000

Well I'm getting a bit of a late start, but I wanted to post for Love Our Lurkers Day! I can't believe this is the 11th one! I'm afraid I'm almost completely a lurker these days, just because of time constraints, but I know from experience that we bloggers love to hear from our normally silent readers! Maybe you're just exploring the world of DD, or maybe you're like me and have read for years but don't have a lot of time to comment. I'll confess, a lot of the reason I don't comment very much is because I'm generally logged into the Google ID I use to interact with people in rl, and leaving a comment means logging out of the Google profile attached to the rss reader that I'm reading your post on (along with all the crafting/vanilla blogs I follow, also attached to the gmail address I use to email my parents, and the blogs for my photography and crafting businesses), logging into my AngelBrat user ID, finding your post outside of my reader, commenting, then logging out and back into my vanilla ID so my 15 year old doesn't borrow my iPad and find something personal in the history. It seems like a lot of steps to leave a comment that is basically just saying hi. It was a lot easier when the kids didn't get online! That said, I do sometimes do that if I feel like I have something worthwhile to add to a post. Anyway, if you're lurking, I hope it's because of some convoluted reason like I have and not because you're nervous or scared or weirded out. If it's one of those reasons, get over it and say hello, ya big goofball! Welcome!

Answered prayers

Fri, 18 Nov 2016 03:08:00 +0000

Yesterday my mom bought me and Morgan lunch, which was really nice. Today she fixed me breakfast while I was at her house. Jack's preschool is about 5 minutes from her house, but about 25 minutes from mine, so to keep from making the drive twice in one day, I hang out with her and my dad for the three hours he's in school twice a week. It's been really nice to spend some time with them. Today I asked her to be intentional about praying specifically that God would send me just an abundance of craft orders over the next few weeks to cover Christmas this year. (I would love it if you would do the same if you think of it). Not even an hour later a lady who ordered some felt Christmas tree sets from me a few weeks ago messaged me to order two more plus a felt Thanksgiving play set. She won't be picking them up and paying for a couple of weeks, but it was really neat to see such a quick answer. 

Speaking of God's blessings, yesterday I was kind of freaking out. I opened up my laptop to burn an image DVD for a photography client, and I got a message that my cooling fan was not working and my computer would be shutting down in 15 seconds to prevent loss of data or damage to the computer. Whaaaaat?? Guys, I NEED my laptop. Without it I can't do photography, blogging, a great deal of my crafting, etc, etc.You'd better believe I started praying! I started it back up, hoping to just keep it running long enough to burn the DVD since I was due to meet my client in about 30 minutes. No joy. After about 30 seconds it got scary hot, so I shut it back down. I decided to try to take the back off and see if there was some obvious obstruction to the fan, maybe dust buildup or something. But I couldn't figure out how to get the back off. I replaced all the tiny screws, popped back in the battery, flipped it over and opened it up, then said one more fervent prayer and turned it back on. The fan fired right up, and it's been running well since!

Tomorrow I've got a photo shoot for Kelly, who's 37 weeks pregnant and ready to pop. I don't think it will be a paid shoot, since it's family, but I've done all of her maternity pics, and I'm excited to be part of pregnancy #3 for her. The next day is my nephew's 3rd birthday party, and I'm doing his three year shoot that afternoon. It's going to be a busy weekend, but full of family, fun, and love!

Starting Christmas

Tue, 15 Nov 2016 04:03:00 +0000

It's been a good weekend. We're low on money at this point, but we were able to pay the bills, put gas in the cars, fill Morgan's lunch account, and buy a few groceries, although we need a few more of those. But dinner tonight was delicious, and I know what I'm making tomorrow. We have season passes to a local amusement park, and we took the kids for a few hours last night to see the Christmas lights, which was a lot of fun.

I was also able to knock out six major Christmas gifts using a huge coupon, which was a big relief. Every year I make photo calendars for the dads and brothers in my life using an annual buy-one-get-two-free coupon, and they are always a huge hit. Putting them together is probably the most stressful and time consuming part of the Christmas season for me, but I'm thrilled to have something that works well and is affordable for people who are otherwise hard to buy/make for. 

This starts the busy season for me, the time when I start making all of our Christmas gifts for everyone. The heat press my parents bought me for my birthday/Christmas is going to be a huge help with that this year. I'm so grateful to have the tools and materials I need to help make instead of buy gifts, as well as to bring in a little money here and there with orders. 

Speaking of orders, my mom has ordered several custom aprons, and I'm working on an order for a memory blanket made from special clothes for a friend's daughter. I've also got a couple of decal orders waiting for pickup. None of these are super lucrative, but they do add up, and I'm grateful!

Another answer

Wed, 09 Nov 2016 20:46:00 +0000

This morning my photography client messaged me and told me that she has decided to buy the full session disc of her photo shoot, which is great news, but she won't be able to do it until Friday, which was not so great news as it didn't do much to help me come up with dinner for tonight. or to cover what I needed in the bank. When my mom called me later to talk about the election, I asked her to pray that God would cover our needs, specifically that the insurance check might come in today after all, even though our agent said it would likely be tomorrow at the earliest. A few hours later I called the claims office, and the lady who answered said that my agent should call me when it came across his desk. I asked if she would care to just check anyway for me, and she came back with the good news that she had the check in hand! I drove down and got it and deposited it before picking Daisy up from school. I'll go get a few groceries here in a bit when Morgan gets home. Again, God is always on time!

Grace for the day

Wed, 09 Nov 2016 17:48:00 +0000

Today I am thankful for the grace I see among many of the people on my Facebook feed. There are a few who are openly bitter too, but for the most part, the comments of voters on both sides reflect the desires of President-Elect Trump's victory speech early this morning - to work together, to move forward, and to remember that we are all Americans. Here in my own house, I am depending again on God to provide for us today. Once again, I don't know where the food for dinner or the money to cover our needs in the bank will come from, but I'm trusting that He will provide. 

Dinner Update

Wed, 09 Nov 2016 01:38:00 +0000

Nick's cousin messaged me to meet to get the shirt she ordered from me. I met her, got paid, swung by the grocery store with the money, and we're all sitting here with bellies full of yummy cheesy chicken enchiladas. God is so good, and He's always right on time!

His provisions

Tue, 08 Nov 2016 19:49:00 +0000

Hi guys. I don't know that there's anyone around anymore, but I thought I'd pop in and post. Once upon a time I used the blog to regularly talk about life and the way God was blessing me. Then life got in the way, and although He's definitely still blessing me, I haven't posted in a long time. So I thought I would try to get back into that habit. A few quick updates first: we've been in the new house for about 6 1/2 months now, and we still love it. Jack is in preschool, Daisy is in 1st grade, and Morgan is a sophomore in high school. Domestic discipline has been more or less non existent for the better part of a year. There was a quick stress relief spanking back at the beginning of August, but it's not something we ever talk about, although I miss it.It's been a really rough few months financially. Nick's paycheck has taken a hit numerous times from factors outside his control. But God has been good as always. When the tires on my car got too worn for safety, God provided a buyer for one of Nick's bikes. And He gave him the grace to let it go. My parents bought me a heat press for my birthday/Christmas, and I've been able to pick up a few orders for custom shirts/onesies. They've also slipped us a twenty a time or two, and even $100 once.I've also gotten to sell a few felt play sets, which provided some much needed gas/grocery money.Nick took a vacation in mid-October, for which we had been planning for months to take the kids camping. When the week arrived though, there was no money whatsoever in the bank, and no way to buy supplies or rent a spot. Enter my mom and dad: they live on 21 acres, 12 of which are wooded. They invited us to come up and camp there, so that's what we did. I admit, at first we thought it would be kind of a lame substitute for the week we had planned, but it turned out to be awesome. Nick built a great fire pit with a cinder block oven over it, and we had amazing campfire dinner packs put together by my mom. We roasted marshmallows and hot dogs and made hot cocoa, and my brother and sister-in-law brought my two year old nephew to have dinner with us and my parents. This was Jack and Daisy's first time camping, so it was nice to be relatively close to civilization, and it didn't cost us a thing. In fact, it went so well that my parents have decided to create a permanent camping area back there. And on the last night all three kids decided to sleep in my parents' house, so Nick and I got to have a very rare night all alone! Believe me, we didn't waste the opportunity!At the end of that week our church took a trip to the Ark Encounter Museum in Kentucky, and we didn't have the money to go, so (without us asking) they paid for both the hotel room and the tickets.On the way out of town to go on that trip we got rear ended in a Chick-Fil-A parking lot. No one was hurt, and the kid who hit us had only been insured for 4 days. He'd been driving for longer, but his mom thought his dad had added him to his insurance, and he thought she'd added him to hers. The damage was superficial, and we own the car outright, so we were able to just cash out on the accident. That paid for tires for Nick's truck, which by that point had gotten so bad that he'd had to replace one with his spare.Believe it or not, a little over two weeks later we got hit again. It was just me and the kids this time, and again, no one was hurt, although this was a much scarier wreck. A drunk driver hit a car beside us hard. That car then bounced off a car to their left, and then back into us, on their right. The drunk driver went to jail, and we got to drive away yet again. The driver didn't have insurance (or a valid license for that matter), but fortunately we have uninsured motorist coverage on our policy, so now [...]


Fri, 01 Jul 2016 08:06:00 +0000

Hello? Anyone still reading?Gosh, where to start? Well, I'm posting this from our new living room! Okay, so we finally sold the house. Like for real sold it and closed on it and bought another one. It took 136 showings, 3 contracts, and 5 extensions on the closing date, but it got done! It was a serious roller coaster. We got the contract in February and were supposed to close March 24. We actually ended up closing April 22. There were so many crazy things to happen. All of the delays were the fault of either our buyer or his loan company. It actually caused us 3 days delay on the scheduled closing of our new house. Speaking of the new house, we love it. We really, really, really love it. Before we found it, during the mad rush to find a home once our old one sold (which turned out to be not such a mad rush after all), we found another home that we fell head over heels in love with. It was crazy how perfect it was for us. It's like it was actually custom built for us. But we lost the bid on it, and we were devastated. After that it seemed like nothing we saw was appealing at all, and we looked at A LOT of houses. In fact, we actually signed a contract on one at one point that we didn't just love, simply because it would technically work for us, and we were running out of time. Fortunately the inspection on it came back with some minor issues that allowed us to back out of the contract. I'm so very glad now that we didn't buy that house, but at the time it seemed like we were out of options. Then when our realtor showed me this one (I went without Nick the first time), I said to him, "This is the first one I've liked since we lost (the other house we wanted)." Nick liked it too, although it took him a little bit more time to get fully on board with it. But once we got our hearts wrapped around the fact that we really were not going to be able to buy our first pick, this one was the obvious choice.Let me be clear, I know that God had a reason for us to not get that other home. Yes, it certainly was everything we wanted, but it was also a very long commute to Nick's job, and the neighborhood was not as nice as the one we now live in. And I just have to trust that there may have been other issues that would have come up down the line.But anyway, here we are. The kids all have their own room, Nick and I have a massive bedroom and a ridiculously large closet, his commute to work had been cut in half, and.....there's a craft room! Actually it's technically a den, but for me it's an awesome craft room, and it's all mine! I'm still working on getting it all put together, but I'll get there. I'm mostly done. And the back yard is big and flat and fenced in for the kids and the dogs, and a walking trail runs right behind it. Earlier I made blackberry cobbler from the blackberries we picked along the path back there.We celebrated our 18th anniversary last Sunday. Actually we celebrated it the Friday before with an awesome kid-free trip to an amusement park, but Sunday was the actual day. The whole weekend was wonderful, but we especially had fun on our date Friday.I finally got Jack potty trained. And yes, he's four, but between all the chaos of having the house on the market for almost a year with nearly daily showings and the four weeks we lived with my parents it was just an impossible task until we got settled. Oh, I didn't mention we lived with my parents for a while? We moved out of the old house March 26. At that point there had been one extension and we were due to close on the 29th, so we cleared out so the buyer could do his final walk through. Then of course we ended up not closing for almost another month. My parents were really awesome, but it was an extreme[...]

So, an update

Mon, 30 Nov 2015 15:18:00 +0000

Life has been...full. Some definite frustrations, but some huge blessings too. Around October 5 we got an offer on the house. A very low offer, but the first one we'd had after 5 months and 85 showings. We countered and they countered and then a slightly better offer came in, which was still about $5,000 lower than we wanted to sell for, but we accepted it. The inspection was on the 12th, and it turned out to be really bad news. The buyer backed out without even negotiating for us to fix anything. The biggest issue was that there was foundation damage that we didn't know about. Like almost $10,000 worth, which we obviously couldn't afford. So we regretfully let all our family know that we would be taking the house off the market when our realtor's contract expired at the end of the month and apparently staying here indefinitely. Then Nick's sister Kate found out what was going on, and she and her husband offered to send us the money to fix the foundation. So our agent contacted the guy whose offer we didn't accept, explained the whole situation with the first buyer backing out and the foundation issues and the impending repair. And he matched the first guy's  offer, so we were back in business. The foundation repair, which came with a transferable lifetime warranty was scheduled to be complete November 2. In the meantime the second buyer's inspection was completed. The foundation repair company we hired is the top name in our region, and they obviously stand behind their work, but the guy doing the inspection also works for a rival company, and he told the buyer that he would do the repair work a different way. So, on the day that we were having thousands of dollars worth of professional, guaranteed work done, the second buyer backed out. So that's where we are now. We've raised our price by a little to try to recoup some of the value of the repair work, and we've also put in new countertops and backsplash in the kitchen. And we're back to showing again. It's very frustrating, but that's how it sits right now. But at least the house is in the best shape it's ever been in since we've owned it, so if nothing else it's a better place to live. And obviously God is providing. He's even blessed us with some just plain fun stuff lately. I got some really cool craft stuff for my birthday in October, and I also had a couple of photography jobs that paid me enough to upgrade my Silhouette craft cutter, something that's been on my wish list for a couple of years. We got to upgrade our phones, and the agent we dealt with put us in a much cheaper plan that not only allowed us to get way better phones than we had hoped for (I'm typing this on an iPhone 6s Plus), but we were also able to give Morgan my old phone and get her a line since she was apparently THE LAST high schooler on the face of the earth without a cell phone. AND our purchases qualified us for a $100 iPad mini, which Nick bought me for Christmas. So we have been blessed for sure. I will say that I've had a bit of a struggle since we lost the last contract on the house with staying as much on top of things. Up until then we were all doing fabulous with keeping the house spotless. We had to - we were averaging 17 showings a month, so we never really had time to let it get dirty! But the loss of the contract(s) was disheartening to say the least, and we kind of lost momentum. Not that it wasn't still miles better than it used to be, but we had a showing a few days ago and it was more of a mad rush to get things ready than it should have been. And I've entered my usual Christmas rush, unwisely shifting my priorities like I somehow do every year. Last[...]

What happened then...

Wed, 16 Sep 2015 00:32:00 +0000

So my last post went up just after midnight on a Friday. Friday morning when Nick got up for work, he read it. My posts get auto emailed to him when they go live. And he was maybe a little extra affectionate, a few pats on the butt and a bit more attention as I got Daisy up and ready for school. But he didn't mention it. And honestly, I didn't expect him to, not then anyway. But I thought we might talk about it that night. We didn't. Nor the next night. Finally on Sunday night, he said, "I read your post." "Yeah?" "I know you've been under a lot of stress lately, and I haven't been very good about dealing with it." And that was it. That night we went up to bed and he got on his iPad and played a bit, knowing he and the kids were off for Labor Day the next day and we could sleep in.I thought maybe he would bring it up, or even act on it, but he didn't, so I tried talking to him about it. I tried explaining some of the feelings I was trying to work through in the post, and what I needed from him (basically piss or get off the pot). And he acted as though I literally wasn't there. Not so much as an acknowledgement I was speaking. So I turned over and went to sleep. At that point, yes, I was hurt, but in a dull kind of way that just felt like something I had known for a long time was being confirmed. I wasn't pouting or working myself into a crying rage. I was just tired, in more ways than one, so I went to sleep.The next day we were supposed to spend the day at Kelly and Grant's house. I was quiet and a little subdued, but I wasn't sulking or trying to have a bad attitude, and I was friendly and sociable throughout the day. What thought I gave to the whole DD situation was brief and not too deep and mostly centered on whether I should write him an email or just put it in a blog post that this part of our relationship didn't seem to be worth pursuing any longer. I wasn't exactly angry, just resigned a and a little sad. It was a long day with a lot of little kids running around, and by the time we got home, I was worn out. Jack and Daisy were both asleep, so we put them and Morgan straight to bed, and we both just kind of vegged out on the couch for a bit. Finally I headed up to bed to read for just a few minutes, already dreading getting up early the next day to get Daisy off to school. A few minutes later Nick came up and I heard him rummaging around in his closet, but I didn't think anything about it. When he walked around to my side of the bed and I looked up to see him standing there holding his belt, I was genuinely startled. And I got really angry. He started telling me that I'd had a terrible attitude all day, and that he was going to deal with it. Frankly I just wasn't having it. I had spent basically weeks by this time accustoming myself to the idea that he had moved on from this, and his complete lack of response the night before had more or less confirmed it for me, and here he was turning everything upside down.He pulled the blanket and sheet off of me and told me to turn over, and I flat out refused. Several times. He warned me that he could make me, and I more or less invited him to do so. Within the next couple of seconds I was face down in my pillow, and he was basically wearing me out. It wasn't a particularly long event, but it did break through my anger, and I was hardcore ugly crying before it was over. And the crying went on for a very long time, far longer than the spanking itself would account for. I was just working through a ton of built up stress and fear and sadness. I would like to say that the evening ended with him holding me and letting me cry it out on his shoulder and then maybe some sweet [...]

A Year

Fri, 04 Sep 2015 04:02:00 +0000

We are still working on selling the house. It's an exhausting and frustrating process, and I'm tired. Today was our 60th showing. 60th. And we have another tomorrow, and one on Sunday, another on Monday. We lowered our price by $10,000, something we didn't want to do, but we felt that so many showings with no offers was telling us it was the right move. We also found another house that we would like to buy, but if course ours has to sell first, and we have to figure out the financing based on our new lower selling price. This is the fourth house in a year that we've tried to buy. I know God has a plan and a time. I'm just getting worn out.So the title of this post doesn't refer to the year we've spent house hunting. What it refers to is the longest DD drought we've ever had. Sunday will be one full year since my last punishment. And I'm frustrated. And sad, and hurt, and weary, and angry. I have asked him multiple times if he's just done with it, and he always says no, it's just something we haven't done "lately". But "lately" seems like a flimsy term for this situation. This feels like he just doesn't want to bother with it, but he also doesn't want to be the bad guy who admits he just doesn't want to do it anymore. He doesn't want to have that conversation or shoulder the guilt for bowing out of a responsibility I've shouldered him with. Or maybe he thinks that if he "officially" stops spanking, I'll stop deferring to him and treating him as the Head of the Household. The thing is, I don't treat him that way because of any DD dynamic. I treat him that way because I believe that is the plan for marriage God has laid out, and our whole family is happier for it. Being honest, I don't do a whole lot to piss him off these days. The house has been clean for four months. The laundry is always done. I have dinner waiting almost every night. But I'm functioning with a high level of stress. I have no outlets left. Most of my craft things are in storage, and what is still here has to be pulled out of closets and set up on the kitchen table to be used. And the entire time I'm having a mini panic attack because it's causing a temporary mess that needs to be put away. My laptop is excruciatingly slow, which makes my photography unenjoyable. I have a craft blog that I was very active on for a while, but once we went to market with the house, the combination of the slow laptop and the inconvenience of doing projects in a space that needs to be always neat has kept me scarce over there. I've tried having some craft days with girlfriends, but with kids on hand and no good place to spread out, it's always been more trouble than enjoyment. Money has been tight, so we've not had any sort of date night in months, and we didn't get to take our annual trip to Texas for the same reason. Nick has plenty of stress to deal with too of course, but he has a few outlets. He goes fishing just about every chance he gets. And this past Sunday he went and played Foot Golf (like golf, on a course, but with a soccer ball and really big cups) with some of his friends. He sometimes goes to the gun range, and he has a gym membership. Daisy has also started kindergarten, and while she loves it and is doing great, any change of routine is stressful for a while. I'm up before Nick every day now, and with Jack home with just me all day, he's right on top of me all the time. Not that I don't love having one on one time with him, but he can be a little intense. On top of that I'm trying (unsuccessfully) to potty train him. And yes, he's three. I admit, it all gets to me, and it's less rare than it should be that I l[...]

Busy life

Tue, 21 Jul 2015 09:00:00 +0000

So four months have gone by. I'm sorry I've not been updating. I just haven't been able to find the wherewithal to sit down and post. But a lot of things have been happening. First of all, the house I mentioned back in February. We didn't get it. We kept working toward getting ours ready to market, and the Realtor called us periodically to find out how close to listing we were. Finally he called in April to tell us the homeowners expected an offer from a particular buyer any day. This would be their very first offer after over a year on the market, so we expected them to take it, which we hated, but we just weren't ready. Then the other offer got delayed. Finally the Realtor called and asked me what it was that was keeping us from submitting a contingency offer. I explained that we still had a few things left to do, which we were working to come up with the money for, and we knew a contingency offer would be time sensitive. We didn't want to waste part of that time with our house not yet for sale. He said he felt like they would be open to a lengthier contingency time frame than normal since no other offer had come in, so I told him we would talk about it and pray about it. We finally decided to go for it, and we submitted an offer several thousand dollars below the asking price, with the expectation that they would counter. And of course the other offer came in the same day. But they asked the Realtor to come back to both us and the other buyers and ask us to submit our very best offers. So we gave them an offer for the very most we were willing to spend. The next day the Realtor told us he was very sorry, but they had chosen the other buyers. So I was very sad and upset for about an hour.Then Nick found a very new listing online for a house in close to the same price range with even more room than the one we had just lost. It was For Sale By Owner, so we called the number listed and asked for a showing. We went to see it the next day, and we fell completely in love. Like head over heels. It was definitely a project home, as the owners had purchased it to completely renovate and then run out of money after running into some nasty surprises. But they had fixed most of the big things, like a new roof, a new ($20,000) HVAC system with all new trunk lines, new plumbing, a completely renovated kitchen with granite counter tops, all new cabinets, and all new higher end appliances, tile flooring in the kitchen and living room, and new carpeting upstairs.  The husband is in the military, and they bought the home based on the information that he was going to be deployed to Afghanistan. They were going to used his deployment salary to pay for the renovations. They went ahead and started the major renovations using credit with plans to pay it off when his salary came in. Then his deployment got cancelled. By this time they were tens of thousands of dollars in debt with the renovations, so they decided to cut their losses and sell. It had everything we wanted and even things we hadn't  been looking for, like a pool and a tennis court (yes, a tennis court). And there was a ginormous craft space with a kitchenette attached to it. Okay, it was a mother-in-law suite, but it would make a dream craft room. And there was a huge detached garage tall enough for Nick to install a car lift in, which has long been on his list of someday dreams. The bedrooms were massive, and there was tons of natural light throughout the whole house.We loved it so much that, after praying about it, we made an offer that same day. At first they didn't accept it because w[...]


Sun, 22 Mar 2015 05:41:00 +0000

It never really goes away, you know. That insatiable need, that mild to raging obsession that is always lurking there at the corner of whatever you're doing. I wish that it did. I wish that I could flip a switch and fade it from my psyche, but the very fact that my mind has already haplessly seized on the word "switch" and imbued it with a startlingly fleshed out story line gives lie to the notion. And it's nothing new, this discipline-obsessed incubus that chatters in my ear at every turn. It's been over 6 months since the concept of discipline remotely related to anyone past middle school in this house, and the buzzing in my head has reached a bleak and mournful pitch. I hate this. I hate the fact that I can't master this need for mastery, that it pulls at me at every turn in a room where there is no place for it. It's ridiculous, this deep seated longing for boundaries and a regular occasion to smash up against them. And it seems patently unfair, when the man I love with all my heart can't hear the bellowing whispers of this need. And why on earth should he have to? I am not a child. I don't need someone to remind me to go to bed at a reasonable hour, to tell me to remember to eat before I feel shaky with the lack of it, to manage my time so that I'm not constantly running out the door 10 minutes late. So why oh why are these things that I struggle with, and struggle more with in feeling obscurely hurt that no one is stepping in to make me get out of my own way? I'm neither incapable nor a fool, so what exactly is the problem?And if I am neither incapable nor a fool, neither am I petty enough to act out in a way that is harmful to my marriage. Certainly there are small rebellions, sneaking a lidded drink up to bed when we agreed to keep food off the new carpet, a quick trip to the thrift store while I'm meant to be running out for ground beef, maybe one more round of Trivia Crack when I should really turn out the lights and go to sleep. And each harmless act carries with it a delicious thrill of what if... But I'm not spending the house payment on a new craft cutter, flirting with other men, taking up smoking again. I'm far too in love and filled with a genuine, bone-deep gratitude for what I have already to fire randomly at our marriage in hopes of drawing a response. I love this man, and he is good to me.What frightens me the most about this need is its insistence in the face of starvation. Go without sex for long enough, and you will, eventually, all but stop needing it. The lack may tell in parts of your life, but it won't haunt and mock you after a while. There is no such relief for me and this commonly bizarre cry for discipline. The clanging bell in my head rings loudest for punishment, not play. While I certainly enjoy an occasional sexy spanking, I can generally take them or leave them. It's genuine chastisement that makes my gears turn, although that arousal comes well after the event, and stoutly depends on the punishment being both real and effective. It seems there's a sixth love language that fits me like a glove. I have made it a point to be purposeful in my sexual thoughts, to cast only my husband in my fantasies, and for the most part this is easy. I have no desire for other men, and the best sexual scenario for me in any situation involves only him naturally. But when I feel untended and burdensome, it's because the real life experiences are long MIA, and it becomes hard to get the highlight reel to load. I have to fight the urge to go skipping through the offerings of the internet, a trap I have cause to kn[...]


Wed, 18 Feb 2015 16:47:00 +0000

I know it's been too long since I've posted here. But I'm still kicking. Life has been busy but wonderful. Christmas was a precious time as always. I got some fun things, but the biggest was a Dyson DC59 Animal with a Home and Car Cordless Tool Kit from Will and Kate. I know it's not exactly a wild and crazy gift, but I was super excited - it's the first decent vacuum cleaner I've ever owned! And it was completely unexpected. Kate has one that she loves and uses constantly, and I've used it at her house. I was thinking it was a Shark and that it also was a steam cleaner, and a few months ago when we were looking for something to buy to use on our laminate flooring I called and asked her what kind she had. She told me it was a Dyson and that it was just for vacuuming, so I pretty much forgot about it since A) Dyson's are crazy expensive and B) we were looking for a steam mop. Anyway, we found a Shark steam mop at Lowe's that we've loved, and we put an actual vacuum on the back burner since our only carpet was in our bedroom and on the stairs. The carpet in both places was pretty sad, and we had a little Shark hand vac, so we decided to just stick with that for now.BUT, now we have new carpet!! We're smack in the middle of (well hopefully not the middle of, hopefully more toward the end of) getting our house on the market. Last month we found a house that we really, really love. It's already on the market, but it's been sitting there for 11 months now with no offers. In fact, we looked at the listing last year, but at the time they wanted $30,000 more than their current asking price, and it was beyond what we could even consider. But they've come down to within our price range, and their realtor (who will also be our realtor when we list) told us when he toured the house with us that they are not firm even on the lower price, so they may be willing to come down some more. One point against it for some buyers is that it is located directly across from the entrance to a rifle range, which scares a lot of people who don't know much about it. But the shooting area for the range is far, far away on the property on the other side of the street and facing away from the house. And it's also 3 driveways down from our community soccer and football fields, which should tell you something about the safety of it. I think the biggest reason they've not had any offers is because of their more or less horrific decorating style. The big dark poofy drapes, excessive floral and gilt, and terrifying 80's furniture is pretty off-putting, but that's their stuff - we're only worried about the house beneath it. And the house itself is awesome. The only cosmetic stuff we would have to change would be switching out a few chandeliers for ceiling fans, replacing the blood red shower surround and matching vanity, and adding a dishwasher. Everything else is perfect, including the fact that it has a ginormous garage for Nick, a huge playroom for Jack and Daisy, a separate room for each kid, 3 bathrooms, generous closet spaces, a massive master bedroom, a laundry room, tons of play area outside, nice landscaping, and........a craft room!!! Can you hear the angels singing? It's about 2 1/2 times the size of our current home, but it's well insulated and also has a wood stove to help with heating, and the utility bills are actually pretty comparable to ours here. Property taxes are also about the same. The owners built the house 43 years ago and raised their family there, and you can tell that it's been lovingly maintained. They're retire[...]

Holiday fun

Sun, 07 Dec 2014 07:43:00 +0000

Hi, guys! Just popping in for a minute. Thanksgiving was wonderful! The food was wonderful, and it was such a sweet time with family! I'm actually just about done with Christmas gifts, if you can believe it. I was able to do some careful shopping, and I was able to get some really great buys, so I'm having to make very little this year. 

God has been taking care of us as always. Sunday on the way into church, we were discussing in the car how we were going to be able to make it through the pay period since Nick had just gotten paid two days earlier, and we were already at the end of our money just with bills and both needed gas in our vehicles, not to mention groceries. We just prayed about it, and when we got to church, our head deacon handed Nick an envelope with his name on it. Inside was an unprecedented, VERY much unexpected check for $750. The church had decided to give a one time Christmas gift (of varying amounts I think) to several of the people who serve in our church, including our piano player and her bass player husband, our youth pastor, and Nick, who runs our sound booth for every service and creates all the CDs and DVDs for our media ministry. This is not necessarily going to be an every year kind of thing, but it was such an incredible blessing this year!

I've also gotten several photo shoots recently, and just tonight Nick got a job for some mechanic side work. God is so very good to us, and I need to get back to posting regularly so that I can share (and later remember!) just how very much He blesses us!

Tonight was Nick's work Christmas party, and while it wasn't the best year by any means, it was still really nice to have a few hours out kid free with him.

Last night I went up to bed a bit early because I had to get up early today for our Ladies Craft Meeting at church. I was still awake though a little while later when Nick came up, and I was pleasantly surprised to feel him curl  around me and began to explore. Next thing I knew, he had flipped me onto my stomach and was giving me a very hot spanking, followed by equally hot sex. Good night indeed. :)

I'm off to bed for now. Have a great night, all!

Lover Our Lurkers Day 9

Thu, 13 Nov 2014 03:29:00 +0000

Hi, guys. I know I'm quiet here lately, and I'm afraid I'm a bit of a lurker myself these days, but I'm still here nonetheless! Today we celebrate Love Our Lurkers Day for the 9th year. This day was started by Bonnie to welcome all our readers and give a bit of encouragement to those who've maybe never said hello to just, well, say hello! These days LoL Day is hosted by Hermione, and who also does a great job hosting The Spanko Brunch on Sundays, also started by Bonnie many years ago. I've participated every year except for LoL6 back in 2011 when my laptop was in the shop and I didn't have a way to post.

I've been blogging here for almost a decade now, and I've met so many awesome people, some of whom are now my friends in real life too! I know that when I first started exploring the spanking community online I was very shy, and I know many of you probably are too. But you won't find a nicer, more welcoming, and helpful group of people anywhere. Come on out and say hi, even if you just want to do so anonymously. I'd love to hear from you!

Catching up, and a birthday spanking to remember.

Tue, 21 Oct 2014 06:26:00 +0000

It looks like it's been over a month since my last post, and you can blame Jamie and Claire. Well, partly. I may be halfway through Drums of Autumn, the fourth book, which means that I have devoured approximately 2700 pages in the last 3 1/2 weeks. But, honestly, I can't blame them entirely. I finally found the kids a new pediatrician, something I've been trying to accomplish all year, so I had to deal with well visits and immunization catch ups for Jack and Daisy. Quick(ish) summary: last fall our longtime pediatrician group quit taking our insurance. We decided to go with the one Robert and Faith use, but they wouldn't see new patients till the New Year, so we were in limbo for a bit. When I was able to schedule an appointment finally, they set it for the 3rd week of January for Jack to get his 24 month immunizations. Then both he and Daisy got really sick, and they agreed to see them both early the next morning at 8 AM. But that night they spiked scary fevers, so we took them to an urgent care office. They both had double ear infections and strep like symptoms, and the urgent care place wrote them prescriptions. So first thing in the morning I called the peds office to cancel the appointments, but they didn't turn their phones on till 8:30, 30 minutes after our appointment (weird, right?), and the answering service said they could not get them a message. So I called back when they turned on the phones in the office and explained the situation. The nurse was super understanding and assured me they wouldn't count it as a no show since they were unavailable to be notified. And they told me that they would call me the day before to remind me of Jack's previously scheduled appointment, still several weeks out.Right before that appointment, our pipes burst, and we spent two days cleaning everything up. The next day (Friday) was his appointment, but I thought it was on the coming Monday, and they never did the reminder call. So on Monday morning I called to confirm the time, and they told me that we had missed the appointment, and they would not see Jack at all as a patient, because this was our third no show. I explained again the situation with the original appointments and told them that I had been assured that these would not be considered no shows since I had done my best to let them know before my appointments. She agreed to ask the doctor to reconsider in light of the extenuating circumstances, but I've never been able to get her to call me back on it, despite bringing it up during every visit with Daisy (who oddly enough could still get appointments). Daisy only saw the nurse practitioner, so I never actually met the doctor. Anyway, I finally had enough and changed to the pediatrician Kelly and Grant use, and we LOVE them!So when I took Daisy to her well visit a couple of weeks ago, it turned out that one of her ear piercing sites was infected. They had to get the earring out so it could heal, and it was terribly painful and traumatic for her (and me watching!). (But the doctor and nurses were fantastic). The plan was to get it re-pierced after it healed, but she ended up being so afraid of it getting infected again that she's opted to wait until she's older. Ah well, at least when she does get them redone she'll have plenty of earrings on hand, because she got about 40 pairs for her birthday.So what else? Kelly's birthday was the 29th, and I made her a couple of pairs of earrings. Will's birthday was the next day, and I m[...]

A New Addiction

Mon, 15 Sep 2014 05:27:00 +0000

So it was only a few days ago that I was introduced to the Outlander series. I had heard of it in passing, but it honestly didn't sound interesting to me. Then I read a post by Rogue where she mentions it along with showing an art poster depicting a rather interesting scene from the first book. Needless to say, my interest was piqued, so I did some research and thought perhaps checking out the TV series would be worthwhile. Fortunately we have Starz on our cable package, and I was delighted to see that there were already 6 episodes available. I really wanted to watch the series with Nick, but he didn't seem too interested. Fortunately he gave it a chance for me, and after the first episode we were both truly hooked. We watched the first 4 hours last night and the next 2 hours tonight. And now we're trying to reconcile ourselves to the fact that we have to wait till Saturday for the next episode. I'm holding out very little hope that any of the books will be available any time soon at our library, so I'm thinking I may need to head to our used book store sometime soon to trade in some old books for a used copy of as many of the series as I can find.

Nick's heritage is Scottish, and when he was a kid his grandparents took him to the Highland Games every year. I admit, Jamie and Claire have me quite stirred up with fantasies about my own rugged Scotsman, and I've let Nick know I'll have him in a kilt before it's done. :) 

As I've not read the books yet, I'm not sure, but I think the episode where Jamie spanks Claire for running away must be coming up relatively soon. I know that at the very least it's been filmed already. And yes, I'm looking forward to it, although I'm a little nervous to watch it with Nick. Not because I'm afraid it will stir him to reenact it :), rather the opposite actually. I'm afraid it may appear abusive, when what I've read of the scene doesn't come off that way to me. It seems to me that she ended up with a much longer and harder spanking than she had to because she refused to cooperate, something I've done myself many times, and I think she deserved every lick (as did I). I just don't want Nick to see something like that and it make him feel like that sort of thing is brutal and it maybe color his view of spanking in our own relationship. That's probably a silly fear almost 11 years into DD, but the last spanking I got ended probably before it should have because he felt like he was being too hard on me. Truthfully, I was rather unhappy in the moment, but even at the time I knew I needed more, and I wasn't even tender 5 minutes after he stopped.

Anyway, I'm off to see if I can find a source for his clan's tartan. :)

An Answer

Fri, 12 Sep 2014 06:11:00 +0000

So. We didn't get the house. Which is a disappointment, but also not. Because I know that, however sad I am about not getting in this house, God has something else, something inevitably better, in mind for us. This morning the guy called me and told me that he had misfigured (by quite a bit it seems), and our payments would be about $200 a month more than the absolute most, stretching-it-maybe-even-more-than-we-should payment we could afford. And he still really wanted to sell it to us (but not badly enough to lower the price apparently lol), but I had to tell him that we just have to walk away at that payment amount. In a way, it's almost a relief that it was so far out of reach, because if it was like $50 too much, then we would have been really tempted to still buy, even if it put us in a precarious place financially. So anyway, it seems that's God's answer on this, and we're just going to continue to trust in His timing and provision. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.