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Preview: Warped thoughts - Blogit

Warped thoughts - Blogit



Funny? Strange? Weird? It's all here. Generally the writing syle will be warp 11. Going boldly where no thoughts have (or maybe should) ever been before. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll scratch you head and wonder why? It's all in fun and maybe an



 



What could possibly go wrong?
I just saw a news article about the possibility of a human head transplant. No, really. Dr. Sergio Canavero says first human head transplant “imminent.” “He also said it would take place in China because his efforts to get backing for the project were ignored by the medical communities in the US and Europe” further states a USA Today article. Let’s play Nostradamus and jump forward a few years where we interview the first recipient of this controversial procedure. We go to reporter Justwanna...



And now a few words about
Car names. I am a car geek and I confess I don’t know what it is about these piles of chrome, steel and plastic that get me revved up but that’s just that's just the way it is. The first time I felt a stirring in my mechanically inclined brain was when I saw my first Corvette. Ah, the pride of the only American sports car. Then there was the Thunderbird, sleek and with the right glass pack mufflers it lived up to its name. There were Fairlane 500s, Bel Aires and the vaunted Impala, all...



And now, a few words about politics
Actually the fewer the better, but let me press on! First, from Webster’s – 1. The science of government. 2. Political affairs. 3. Political tactics, methods, etc. 4. Political opinions, etc. 5. Factional scheming for power. Well, let’s break it down, really there is science to government? I think we need to see the proof of that politicians and please include your work, double spaced on college ruled paper. Political affairs indeed, it will all come out in the wash, just ask Anthony Weiner’s...



Wisdom of aging…
The backs of my feet are starting to build thick callouses and crack all the time. It is really annoying but it does point out that old truth, “time wounds all heels!”



One foot at a time.
I got some new shoes, the ones with memory foam. They are really comfortable but I think they may be defective. I can never remember where they are!




Things thought of but I have no idea why. If you think about it long enough you realize that Picasso probably could talk out of the other side of his face. Consider: A banana walks into a bar. The bartender says “why the long face?” The banana replies, “no, you’ve got me confused with the horse.” “Oh yeah” the bartender quips, “unless you are a horse of a different color.” The banana eyes the bartender up and down then striking a sexy pose asks, “don’t you find me appealing?” The bartender,...



LAWNMOWER BLUES
Spring, and a man’s fancy turns to anything but lawn mowing. Darkness has enveloped eastern Washington and with it comes the chill of evening that is even chillier than the chill of day. After many hours putzing with his lawnmower, the do-it-yourself yard equipment maintenance technician considers keeping warm by setting fire to the old yellow Coast to Coast refugee from the junkyard mower that he has been working on for the past two weeks. The valves have been massaged and re-seated, the...



Things I can’t help but think
Every time I listen to or watch a baseball game, it seems to always come up and goes something like this: “Well Slugger MgGee is doing very good this season. Last season he struggled but then during the off-season he had Tommy John’s surgery and the improvement is outstanding.” It is then that I get sad and wonder: “Gee, what about poor Tommy John? All these guys getting his surgery and he is still in the waiting room reading a National Geographic from 1957. When oh when will it be his turn?”...



Maybe I need a hearing aid.
Sometimes, as I watch TV I mis-hear things that cause me to go, “wait!,what?) So it was the other night when the promos for Chicago Fire came on, followed by the promo for Chicago Police Department (or whatever its called) followed by the promo for Chicago Med. The first time they ran through this gamut of promos I wasn’t paying too much attention and thought I heard an added promo for Chicago Vet. Right away I knew dyslexia had kicked in and there was no such thing as Chicago Vet, yet I...



CRAPLOAD NEWS exposes Easter Bunny
After years of experience at hiding eggs, the Easter Bunny (Rabbit EggHidius) is about as effective as an air traffic controller, even little children are still able to find them. Why doesn’t the Easter Bunny get any better at hiding eggs? Now for a hardboiled report from ace reporter Kant Stoptalkinboutit. For the lowdown on this story, let’s hop to it. Ever since the Easter Bunny decided to hide eggs, apparently in an attempt to store food away for leaner times, people have been finding...