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Dr. J On Life



Witty, Incisive Advice For The Not So Faint Of Heart. If You Are Brave Enough To Leave Me A Question-I Will Do My Best To Set You On The Right Path!



Updated: 2015-09-16T22:01:57.468-07:00

 



Tip Of The Day!

2009-12-18T07:22:02.655-08:00

Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.



Fear of Santa

2009-12-18T07:19:06.638-08:00

QUESTION:

My son and I went to see Santa Claus to get our annual photo taken but this year he would not get on his lap. What happened?

ANSWER:

As children get older, their senses develop in ways we sometimes overlook. I believe what your son is going through is a normal fear associated with being in near proximity to a very rotund stranger clad in red.

In professional terms we call this "CLAUSE-traphobia".



Christmas Gifts To Beware Of

2009-12-17T07:34:59.793-08:00

QUESTION:

I'd like to get my child a dog for Christmas this year. Is there anything I should worry about when choosing a gift like this?

ANSWER:

The golden rule here is to look for a dog that suits your family. It can be big or small, active or sedentary, but you must make sure that it's personality is one that will blend easily with the entire family. There is really only one precaution you should take and that is to avoid pet stores boasting signs like the one below.

Dog for sale:
Eats anything and is fond of children.



How Can I Make Holy Water?

2009-12-17T04:33:55.576-08:00

QUESTION:

This holiday season I am feeling grateful for everything I have. I would like to perform a special ceremony to bless everything in my house but can't get my local clergyman to come over to perform this holy rite. Is there anything I can do at home to make holy water?

ANSWER:

This is a pretty easy fix. There are only two steps to making holy water:

1. Get a pot, fill it with water.

2. Put it on the stove and boil the hell out of it.



Question Questions

2008-07-09T09:14:35.082-07:00

QUESTION

I am a teacher and try to ask my students questions that they can intuitively answer. They are usually about things they see in every day life. Is there a way to avoid getting answers that are given by students who are extremely perceptive?

ANSWER

Children today live in a much more open society. They see and hear things that we're not aware that they're picking up on as witnessed by the following story. One teacher blindfolded one of her students and popped a Hershey's Kiss into his mouth then asked him...

"What does a kiss taste like?" she asked. "Do you know what it is?"

"No, I don't," said the little boy.

'Okay, I'll give you a clue," she said. "It's the thing your daddy wants from your Mom before he goes to work."

Suddenly, a little girl at the back of the room yelled "Spit it out you idiot, it's a piece of ass!"



Child Labor

2008-07-06T16:26:35.994-07:00

Question

My child has expressed an interest in getting a job. Although his is still very young, seven, we are wondering if it would benefit him to join the workforce early enough to allow him to discover where his talents lay.

Answer

By all means. Give him the car keys and shove him out the door. Okay, so I'm just kidding because obviously he is not tall enough to see over the dash yet, however, a car booster seat could be the answer.

It is never too early to start your children on the road to riches. Many of the jobs that will be available to this younger generation have not yet even been created so it is wise to start looking around to see what their adaptability is like.

A perfect example of how it works and how much your child can get out of early employment and learn to deal with all sorts of situations can be seen in the story below.

________________________________________________

A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew began to build a house on the empty lot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in the goings-on and spent much of each day observing the workers.

Eventually the construction crew, all of them 'gems-in-the-rough,' more or less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her during coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars 'pay' she'd received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, 'I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us.'

"Oh my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"

The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the fuckin' drywall..."

_________________________________________________

What this child received from this experience is priceless. Not only is she learning to bank her money, she is also on the fast track to learning a new language. I say go for it. What's the little bastard got to loose?



Sometimes It Pays To Listen

2008-04-23T05:50:43.670-07:00

(image)



Therapy Versus Euthanization

2007-07-16T13:29:42.424-07:00

Question:

My dog seems to have a controlling personality. Should I seek help and try medication to help him sort through his odd ways or what?

Answer:

If your dog spends too much time on his own he may resort to creating an invisible play mate so he won't feel so alone. There are a few solutions that might benefit your dog such as providing him with a mate, someone he can learn to play with during the times you are away, or you might consider working from home to spare him from seperation anxiety.

Many breeds are prone to vivid imaginations and can create something out of nothing as seen in the following video.

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Marriage Versus Courtship

2007-07-13T08:21:53.351-07:00

Question:

Will marriage end the delightful times of courtship?

Answer:

Often times things do change as relationships progress. Sometimes it is better not to tie the knot, but simply carry on in a care free manner. Below is what can happen when boredom sets in.

Here we see true love during courtship. It can have that anytime, anywhere kind of love fest that is found during periods where there is no pressure, no expectations, no strings attached.(image)

When you add the responsibilities of maintaining a long term relationship such as marriage, the stress can often lead to arguments and tension that cannot be resolved by sex alone.(image)

Many times, long term relationships end up becoming very flat when the excitment of new love wanes so you should carefully consider all aspects of committing to a life long relationship.(image)



Healthcare Ain't What It Used To Be

2007-07-11T11:46:38.524-07:00

(image)






HAPPY MOTHERS DAY

2007-05-13T10:43:43.657-07:00




Too Much Time On Your Hands

2007-05-07T14:31:57.499-07:00

Question:

I've been alone with my dog for so long is it possible that we are starting to not only look alike-we're starting to sound alike. Am I the only one with too much time on my hands?

Answer:

You are definitly not alone when it comes to companionship overload with an animal, although taking up an outside hobby might be wise at this time.

For many folks across the country it can be their only contact in their solitary world. After all everyone needs somebody to talk to on occasion.

So you won't feel too alone, watch this video made by other dog owners with too much time on their hands.



Talking Dogs
|Funny Jokes at JibJab



TIT-illating Not So Uncommon

2007-05-04T14:58:11.235-07:00

Question:

Do boobs really titillate a mans senses or is it just a reconnection with his mother?

Answer:

Sometimes the issue of boobs can be a 'long' story, especially for anyone who has nursed a baby or two.

Men have always been fascinated by the glam glands and have never kept that a secret. Most overtly stare when they find a pair that appeal to them and so they should because a nice pair of boobs is worth appreciating. They have long since lost their fear of being smacked by those they openly ogle and some even long for the smack (pain and pleasure theory).

What you have to ask yourself is this, does the entire mammary gland appeal to you or is it just the nipple?

If it's the entire breast, then you're a reasonably normal male who can be dropped to the knees at the sight of cleavage, however, if it is specifically the nipple you desire, you're most likely longing to pick up the phone and call your mother.

Breast feeders across the nation suffer from what many experts qualify as separation anxiety. You spent many months suckling on your mothers breast so it's no wonder that many men are still fascinated by the wiggling, jiggling milk bags.

Women also appreciate breasts whether they are straight or gay. Celebrities have often evened the playing field by posing naked for magazine covers, thus perpetuating this infatuation.

For a more indepth look at who appreciates their own boobs, watch the following video. [Don't forget to turn the sound up]

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Bloggers Unite For Peace

2007-05-01T06:55:31.822-07:00

(image)



BUT...

it is not the silence that unites us, it is the words spoken over and over by billions of people around the world every day who hope one day we can find a peaceful place to co-exist.

The words are for victims everywhere in the world, for soldiers who need our voice because they are couragiously working in silence, for victims of senseless violence, for abused children too young to stand up for themselves, for battered wives who've lost hope, for students now afraid to attend school, for people seaching for a better life outside the realm of their borders.

Yes, pictures speak a thousand words but a voice speaks volumes.

SILENCE=DEATH

[Banner courtesy of Mo at It's A Blog Eat Blog World]



Stress Can Be Relieved Harmlessly

2007-04-22T07:25:58.625-07:00

Question:

I'm feeling extremely stressed out at the moment. Is there something I can do to relieve what's boiling up inside?

Answer:

Every one of us has daily stress factors that alter our everyday lives.

In this day and age it's not uncommon to find ones plate full and then some but, what do you do about it. Usually we go back for seconds and even thirds to feel like we've accomplished something as each day passes.

Striving to 'do-it-all' and achieve goals too quickly can often dampen the glory of the win but, if you pace yourself, you might just find that you will accomplish the same goal without putting so much emphasis on the time frame.

If there is no way to avoid situations that put the binders on your emotions, look for ways to relax when you have a spare moment. Sex or masturbation are sure ways to release endorphins that usually will cause your body to let down for a moment and give you a little 'piece' of mind.

You can also turn off the television, put down the newspaper and avoid world news that is far too disturbing to digest. Cognitive centers will hold painful information far longer than that which we perceive as pleasant so avoid things that disturb you.

If it's housework that's got you overwhelmed, put it off for a day or two. Forget the fact that your laundry pile may have taken on a life of it's own. Wear a crinkled up dirty shirt and tell people it's linen. If it's the kids that have got you spiraling out of control, send them packing to a friends house for a night (or a week if you can get away with that).

If you need something more tangible to do immediately then you might want to watch this video that I previously posted on my other site The Not So News. It's sure to make you laugh, which in turn should help you release some pent up stress.

(embed)



Booze Can Ruin Childhood

2007-04-17T18:09:29.441-07:00

Question:

How early can alcoholism begin?

Answer:

Without a doubt, drinking is almost always promoted by parents worldwide as early as infancy.

From the moment a child born it's forced to suck back as much liquid as possible both by breast and bottle.

No studies have been conducted as of yet on the adverse effects of such early training but in this video it's clear to see that the early onset of binge drinking can have devastating lifelong affects.

(Footnote: Pearl, now 24 months, is now a recovering alcoholic and attends daily AA meetings)



Wife May End Procrastination

2007-04-14T07:40:16.060-07:00

Question:

I have so many things to do and I don't know where to start. It seems like I'm always behind in everything. What do I do?

Answer:

First of all, if you get the urge to procrastinate, just put it off!

Try to remember that you are not alone when it comes to staying current with everyday chores such as laundry, paying bills, taking care of a family, preparing meals, picking up dry cleaning, getting to work on time, picking up the dog from the groomers, getting the kids to and from school, organizing your office or even something as mundane as unloading the clean dishes from the dishwasher so the dirty ones in the kitchen sink can take their place. Yes...the list can be endless!

In the fast paced world that we live in, it's easy to let things pile up until they become overwhelming. Sometimes this makes us feel 'let down' about ourselves because we're always reading about people who are so busy, but, manage to pull everything off and get everything done in a timely manner. What we don't do is read between the lines of their life.

Many of these so called 'doers' have people. Yes, maids, drivers, assistants, nannies, chef's, accountants or WIVES. If you cannot afford people, your best bet would be to find a wife who would eliminate your need to even think about these daily chores thus allowing you to concentrate strictly on bringing home the bacon.



See If Your Dreams Will Come True

2007-04-11T20:06:31.512-07:00

Sometimes a test comes along that helps you slow down and think.

If you care to take this Personality Test and see what the future may hold for you do so at your own risk. I quite enjoyed it and if you really are truthful it's pretty exact.

The music is lovely so enjoy!

Dr. J



Dealing With Grief

2007-04-10T17:44:53.738-07:00

Question:

(image)

Answer:

Life does not always work out the way you think it should. People come and go in our lives and although we experience great sadness we are usually pretty freaking glad that it's not us that has passed.

As for this picture, I think the moral of the story is that we should always make sure our plate is full before we get fried. Live life to the fullest!






Where Have I Been You Wonder???

2007-04-07T20:21:56.197-07:00

First of all for the record, getting a new site off the ground is always tedious and requires a lot of patience. I am willing to wait and not pain over not having traffic. This site is for fun and I refuse to let it put pressure on me like my Not So News site that I felt I had to post on everyday for more than a year. Secondly, since I received nary a single question, which by the way is very assuring because this leads me to believe that all is well with the world, I decided to take on the remodelling of my entire back yard as a way of providing my own sorry ass with a little physical therapy. I have taken on this project with only a little help from a few people because to make things level two people are needed. I also contracted a plumber to run a gas line out to what will eventually become the hub of the back yard...our glorious fire pit. I think in the long run, doing all the work myself, we will have saved several thousand dollars in labor and I will have re-developed muscles that once, in my younger day were predominantly displayed. This ugly old wall has been hidden by trees and vines for years and once uncovered became even uglier. Everything came out and when all was said and done I questioned whether or not it was the right decision. Once I got moving it started to improve thought and a sense of satisfaction started to invade my wondering mind.All of this dirt, which has not seen a lick of water in forever had to be turned and a lot of it moved to other parts of the yard to get a level playing field so to speak.Now, with a new facade along the top (bamboo from which I received eight million tiny slivers from) I can live with the wall. And yes, that is my celebrity husband swinging the pick. (of course he quit after he realized that this type of work makes you break a sweat) The plants, bolganvia, will eventually cover the wall creating a span of color like you will only see in California.As you can see, exiting the house to the back yard has not been an option since we removed the unsightly wimpy two steps that were here when we bought this house some twenty years ago. I don't know why we waited so long to do something about it but during this remodel they have undergone a major transformation.Now, where those ugly two stairs sat, are a beautiful replacement that I will tile with travertine begining Wednesday next week. Building these took a lot of braun because all the conrete mix (a dump truck full) had to be dumped in my front yard on the driveway. That meant many back breaking 100 yard trips to transport it to where it needed to be.This is my friend Jim the plumber putting the finishing touched on the gas line. It was a labor of love and when he lit it for the first time my heart beat quickened and I knew that everything would go smoothly from there. The pit had to be done to accept the solid limestone top that will be set in place by 5 or 6 sweating (hopefully good looking studs) on Monday afternoon.This is what you will not see once the top goes on. Okay so it may not seem like this would be a tough project but it took me a good part of an entire day plus an extra scoop of concrete mix, which only got delivered because I went there in person wearing a tiny little tank top. Mixing concrete ( in a wheelbarrel by hand) is not for the faint of heart.Just in case you don't think I'm actually doing the work, here I am in the flesh removing the last of the dirt before I can lay the sand. Although it is not a flattering picture I can assure that th[...]



Whose The Fool Now

2007-04-01T08:33:26.511-07:00

As you know, today is April Fool's Day.

This means that you should use caution when listening to people, especially me. While none of what I have to say will lead to detrimental circumstances, be advised that you should use my advise sparingly and with a good sense of humor.

While I try to give my best shot advising people on how to deal with serious life issues, there may be some advise that is worthy of walking away from as fast as you can in order to eliminate any possible embarrassing situations!

The Doctor will be back in the office tomorrow so don't forget to leave me a question!

Dr. J



Tag...You're It!

2007-04-01T08:21:28.316-07:00

I have been tagged by Bud Wiser at WTIT Tape Radio to offer up five blogs that make me think.

Bud, whose humor is only surpassed by his good looks and witty humor has been nominated for "The Thinking Blogger Award" and has payed it forward so to speak by nominating five that makes him think..me included. I'm flattered Bud!

Thinking is what I try to avoid most often because it often leads to action and my plate is already so full. Thanks Bud!

But...here they are and NOT so elaboratly done as Bud:

The Not So Humble Opinion Of Theodore Trumblebunks
Bagwine Ruminations
Nurse Ratched's Place
Meloncutter Musings
Welcome To My World

And the rules:

The participation rules are simple:

1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think.
2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme.
3. Optional: Proudly display the 'Thinking Blogger Award'.



Underwear Dilemma May Lead To Wise Cracks

2007-04-01T07:39:10.305-07:00

Question:Dear Dr. J,I have a friend who developed a habit of pulling his underwear out of his fanny socket without realizing he's doing it. I developed...I mean, my friend developed this habit as a young boy. You see, he played baseball and every time he threw the ball (which was a lot, I was...he was a pitcher) his undies would get to riding in his bunny slice. Well, before you know it, he was doing it all the time, even when my underwear wasn't riding! It's very embarrassing for him now that I'm an...he's an adult. Is there some kind of meditation that will help him through this embarrassing habit? Or should he embrace it as a unique selling proposition for being my...his friend?Sincerely,Not Nick Badway, but someone else.Anwser:Well hello there not Nick Badway. Your dilemma is one that affects a great number of people around the world so don't ever feel like you're alone in this not so abnormal behavior. Studies suggest there are millions of others who wonder, and often question their usually ill-timed choice about removing that uncomfortable cloth build up from the crack of their ass. One study found that it usually affects more of the male population than the female. This ultimately could be the result of women's fashion trends, which prohibit the wearing of conventional underpants ((or Granny pants as they are often referred to)) that, not only skew how material drapes across the curve of the ass, but also cause bulges where there should be none ((muffing tops, saddle bags)), all things that 'most' women strive to avoid at all cost. That is why the undergarment industry has profited greatly from the manufacturing of the thong. Wearing one of these is not likely a good option for you because it would only exasperate your current situation.The issue of removing your undies from the folds of your buttocks ((or bunny slice as you, or rather, your friend would call it)) can pose many problems depending on where, when, and how often this occurs because of who is in the immediate area. It is not often openly discussed, but, since you are reaching out to see whether or not it will lead to complications in life or offer some kind of unique benefit we shall look at it in detail.It is often though of as rude to displace the pesky material while in public places and is ranked equally as high as public nose picking. ((Oh yes, we've all been witness to that, especially while stuck in rush hour traffic on the freeway where people just assume that they will never see you again in this life so they go booger diving with great finess.)) Both of these habits often command comments from total strangers, some of which you should be grateful you cannot hear. It can also lead to an undo amount of laundry to remove skid marks based on the underwears proximity to any kind of accidental discharge. If your spouse/partner is the one responsible for laundry chores you may end up suffering from ugly glares and comments when your dirty little secret is discovered.However, given your 'friend's' situation, and I have to assume that he is wearing boxers that tend to have far too much material gathering in the area of the crack, especially when rising from a sitting position, or, he is wearing tighty whities that have lost their elasticity, a simple solution would be to purchase new underwear that are slightly tighter than normal. This would eliminate the material from venturing into areas that cause you t[...]