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All & Sundry





Last Build Date: Tue, 16 Jan 2018 14:58:12 +0000

 



Splenda in the grass

Tue, 16 Jan 2018 14:58:12 +0000

I’ve been on a cut-wayyyyy-back-on-the-carbs food plan lately, which is a pretty big change from how I was eating during the holidays (“holidays” meaning the entire chocolate-smeared section of the calendar from Halloween to New Year’s, mind you) and for the frillionth time I am faced with the undeniable evidence that I just plain feel […]



Turn to the left, turn to the right

Fri, 12 Jan 2018 22:29:09 +0000

I used to really enjoy picking out my kids’ clothes because they were so ridiculously cute — a tiny button-down plaid shirt! A pint-sized pair of corduroy overalls that ensured the wearer would make that comical vip-vip-vip sound while T-Rexing his way around! — and they were certain to fit, as opposed to anything I […]



You’re in the great game now

Wed, 10 Jan 2018 16:48:05 +0000

It is downright balmy here in Oregon compared to many parts of the country currently experiencing temperatures that don’t even start with an actual number because it’s so cold there has to be a symbol first and the minus sign was in use long before the far more appropriate hands-clasped-to-cheeks-open-mouth holy crap! emoticon, but it […]



Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Asshole

Mon, 08 Jan 2018 22:14:42 +0000

One of the difficult things about having older kids is the uncomfortable realization that the person you fiercely love with every molecule in your body is kind of an asshole. See, this is different from when they were a toddler and constantly acted like an asshole, because even in the depths of dealing with an […]



Sin City: PG version

Sun, 07 Jan 2018 18:24:55 +0000

Writing more often is one of my goals for 2018, so if the (probably super temporarily? But no: thinking positive) increased post volume has you regretting signing up for notifications, you can always unsubscribe at the bottom of this page. Also, if you’ve recently experienced weird malware warnings from this site, I’m so sorry! I […]



Visibility

Fri, 05 Jan 2018 18:58:36 +0000

I was leaving the gym the other day and came upon an older lady in the hall who had approached a young muscle-y dude. I could hear her asking him if he worked there. He shook his head dismissively without looking at her and continued on to the water fountain, while she said to his […]



Ring ring, hypocrisy calling

Wed, 03 Jan 2018 18:24:13 +0000

From what I’ve been told — multiple times, often accompanied by dramatic hand gestures — Riley is the only student in his entire middle school who doesn’t have a phone. Yes, literally every other kid has one, even that one guy who threw his phone on the ground on purpose when he was mad and […]



Dry

Mon, 01 Jan 2018 23:07:16 +0000

“Do you feel sober?” She’s looking at me, eyebrows raised, head tilted, her mouth a flattish line held snug against her teeth. Even without the body language, I’ve had a lot of counselors over the years. I know the difference between a question that’s simply meant to prompt introspection and one that implies the answer […]



Fa la la la bleaargh

Sat, 23 Dec 2017 16:56:40 +0000

The presents are wrapped, the stocking stuffers have been evaluated and the inevitable item-per-child discrepancy has been rectified, the pine-scented candle has been purchased to supplement the artificial tree (TEAM FAKE 4EVA, by the way; I swear it’s the best gift I ever gave myself and I permanently fixed my vision with Lasik in 1999), […]



A lot

Fri, 22 Dec 2017 02:54:19 +0000

Have you seen the new Star Wars? No spoilers, I just want to talk about Rey’s skin in that movie. There are so many closeups of her lovely face, and I swear to god she does not have a single pore. Her skin is like a smooth dewy expanse of fresh-from-the-fridge butter. One of those […]