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Preview: Mr Joe Blog's Blog!

Mr Joe Blog's Blog!

Updated: 2017-07-08T05:33:05.095-07:00



The apprentice has become the master!

Alternative Daily Mail


What you wont see reported in The Daily Mail.

A Northern family claim no benefits and have prosperous jobs.

A Muslim preacher teaches tolerance for all faiths.

Football manager will be given time to build a team and rightly so.

Thousands of people come away happy with NHS treatment.

Tracksuit wearing Chav opens door for elderly lady.

Immigrant worker with no criminal record works hard and doesn't claim benefits.

Gay couple raise a child to be a perfectly happy, sane and valuable member of society.

Constantly reporting on someones weight causes eating disorders in some women.

Some drugs are okay for recreational use as long as in moderation, and Russel Brand has actually achieved a lot in his career.

The weather will be moderate and there will be no immediate need to build an Ark.

Use of telephoto lenses is rife in seemingly respectable news organizations.

Royal family are entitled to a private life, and we will not be showing any pictures of their holiday. Instead we will have a 14 page spread on tolerance and how to combat xenophobia.

Selfies of Kim Kardashian's butt are not news, but we will take a look at ourselves and our reporting.

Comedy Gold


Russian jets tried to enter UK airspace.  Maybe they wanted to deliver their Eurovision ballot early or they see us as the new Crimea.  Do you want Russian dolls for Christmas or an Xbox One?

Surgery in South Korea making people unrecognizable at customs. Ken and Barbie keep getting turned back.

George, Kate and Wills in Australia.  In the film Wolf Creek it states 30,000 people go missing in Australia every year.  In England taxes go missing every year on Kate's dresses.  If Kate and Wills did go backpacking in Australia, I wonder if he would have his crown jewells lopped off by an Aussie psychopath.

Shakespeare's birthday still being spoken of today, that is true fame.  He would probably be suited as a birthday card message writer today. 

St Georges day seems to be as celebrated as Hitlers birthday, i.e not much, by anyone.  I suppose if he was alive today his dragon slaying would have been a You Tube hit. Though animal rights campaigners would have preferred a more humane killing.  Halal dragon meat, could that have been a thing?

World Cup in Brazil coming up in June, nations fighting it out for the Jules Rimet trophy, Kanye West has his trophy wife.  The winners can look back on their tapes and bask.

London Mayor Boris Johnson to become mp, which means he may run for Prime Minister.  David Cameron says he wants his best striker on the pitch, not much good if he wont pass to you though.  No sports team wants a conservative goal tally either.

Beckham went on the Chinese voice, if they'd judged Posh Spices singing harshly, he would have told them to swivel on it.  Their chairs I mean.

Green bile found in a chicken in the shop Morrisons.  I'm sure Id rather get Green Lantern from a Kinder egg.

Piers Morgan got the sack and so did Man United manager David Moyes. Moyes should have heeded the warnings of his swimming pool lifeguard who told him he was out of his depth. One sour Scot and one pompous Englishman go in to a pub, Moyes drink was of course on the rocks, and Morgan began chatting to the barmaid but was told, I don't want your life story.


Not the end of the world then.  Bit of an anti climax.
The Hobbit is doing well at the box office, Tom Cruise does it again.
A new type of hair removal is taking off, 'the Frodo', for those extra hairy feet.
News on Twitter, cause is now following effect.  Ive, tried to follow Usain Bolt, but I cant keep up. He is now working as an air steward, very good at pointing out the exits.


Tom Jones on jukebox it's 2012.  That sexbomb needs to be dismantled.

2012 Still here!


Apocalypse now! Or maybe later 2013?

Euro 2012, booked my tickets to Martin Luther King airport in Krakow.

Wheres the funny?


To be found on this site.  Often hidden well like the answers in the final News Of The World crossword. 

Isnt Sky News reporting on hacking scandal akin to a family member doing your autopsy.

News International implosion, a bit like the death star exploding.  Gene Hackman rumoured to be starring in movie with music by Taylor Hackford. 

I have never used hacking in any of my news scoops though I did have a bad cough while writing this.


Cyanide & Happiness @


Cyanide & Happiness @

Should Snowmen be allowed to adopt?





Spare a thought for the person most affected by the credit crisis... the deal or no deal banker. And no ones banking on Weakest Link anymore.

Ringo Starr has asked fans not to request autographs and all requested will be tossed after 20th October. Not much of a paperback writer then. Stevie Wonders much better he always signs, seals and delivers.

News Stories that contradict common phrases:

Dr Harold Shipman murdered over 100 me I'm a doctor
Millions lost as Icelandic banks can bank on it
Politician Peter Mandelson returns to government after 2 dismissals...your fired!

Any Offers?


Having declined £50 for this site, I was interested to read an old guest on here was looking to trade his house. Yes thats right Kyle MacDonald, the man who traded a paperclip for a house, is now trading up again.Also interviewed in The New York Post, this quote shows you his thoughts after the whole exprience, "It's about what possibilities are out there," he says. "We look at the world and go, 'That's the way it is.' But there's no one way the world is."I contacted Kyle to see if he'd accept my trade.Joe Blogs : The whole concept of One Red Paperclip is obviously an ingenius idea you had that grew and grew. Whats been the second most successful idea you have come up with apart from One Red Paperclip, or does nothing else come close?Kyle MacDonald : Really, the only thing I've ever tried to do is find out who these guys are: Blogs : I read somewhere a movie was in the pipeline, what can you tell us about this?(im a movie nerd)Kyle MacDonald : I know about as much as you do on this. Dreamworks has the rights to the 'one red paperclip' story as a film or TV. It might get made, might not. I sure hope it does!Joe Blogs : House prices are falling in the UK, would you accept a turquoise paperclip for your house? (I'm sure I'm the first person to ever ask this question)Kyle MacDonald : How big is it....and what is it made of? Joe Blogs : My paperclip? Oh yes erm it's fit for purpose as they said about the captain aboard the Titanic. Not only does it hold paper together, but if you bend it out you can pick locks. It is made of steel, incorporates nanotechnology, and is available in mutli packs for 99 pence! My Ex returned it as she thought our relationship was going no where, it was too stationary.Joe Blogs : Seen as your stationary is so valuable do you store your pencil case in a safety deposit box?Kyle Macdonald : What's a pencil case?Interview terminated due to transatlantic language difficulties.HOUSE FOR SALE Oh and just to prove what a legend he has become he appeared on the Richard & Judy show!Joe Blogs : What did you make of them?Kyle MacDonald : They are nice.Joe Blogs : Do they seem to get on?Kyle MacDonald : I'm not sure what that means, but it was really hard to tell how they really were cause we only talked when they were in "TV mode" and they had so much makeup on it didn't really seem like their real thoughts could be read. Makeup makes people look really smiley and professional.Joe Blogs : Did you like Richards bad jokes?Kyle MacDonald : Yes, he's quite the champ in many respects.Joe Blogs : Were you impressed with the gnomes they traded for your umbrella?Kyle MacDonald : Oh yes. I liked the gnome so much I even traded it with somebody right away. I forget what I got in return.[...]

My Junk Email Exposed


#4 Basil's Fawlty Business Proposal

Dear Owen
I crave your indulgence at this mail coming from somebody you have not met before. I decided to do this after praying over the situation, you should please consider this transaction on its content and not the fact that we have not met before. I need not dwell on how I came by your contact information because there are many such possibilities these days.

I would like to introduce myself as Mr Basil Omiyi; I am the procurement director with Shell petroleum plc Nigeria. To begin with sir, A contract of $50 million was awarded to one Mr. Whyte a U S national to supply raw material to our flow station at Eleme Port-Harcourt, River State South of Nigeria, Mr. Whyte has since completed the contract awarded to him and shell has paid him half of his contract fee of $25 million, he was asked to come back on the 12th of December 2005 for the payment of his outstanding fee of $25 million. However tragedy struck as Mr. Whyte was among the passengers on board sosoliso Airline that clashed on the 11th of December 2005 from Abuja to port-Harcourt arround 7:47, if you are conversant with world news you would have heard about the clash.

Sir all avenue has been exploited to locate any member of his family, but all to know avail, a later was also sent to his address but it was returned on the basis that Mr. Whyte has no living relation. So I am seeking for your assistance to stand in as next of kin to Mr.Whyte and allow me to transfer the balance of $25 million into your account, I will give you 40% of the money and 50% for me then 10% will be for any expenses we will incur in the course of this transaction, I assure you Sir that this transaction is 100% risk free.

If you are interested in this transaction. Reply as soon as possible via my email for more information and please keep this absolutely confidential. Although, I am in London at the moment for an official duty Thanks for your cooperation. I await your urgent response.

Basil Omiyi

Comment : Firstly my name is not Owen. Same old story here. 40% of $25 million, and a tragic plane crash.. Need not dwell on how he came about my contact information? Thats nice for him.

You crave my indulgence? I bet you do and a couple of zeros added to the end of your bank account no doubt.I like to think of myself as conversant with world news, but no I hadnt heard about this crash. If you were conversant with world news Basil you would have heard of fraud and scams by email.

Aside from the transaction being 100% risk free as you claim, I just cannot do business with someone called Basil.

My Junk Email Exposed


#3 More Foreign RemittanceFROM THE DESK OF MR.IDRIS MUSABILL AND EXCHANGE FOREIGN REMITTANCE DEPT.BANK OF AFRICA ( BOA) OUAGADOUGOU, BURKINA FASODear friend, Compliments, I am the manager of bill and exchange at the foreign remittance department of BANK OF AFRICA. I am writting to seek your coperation over this business deal. In my department, I discovered an abandoned sum of$15million USD(Fifteen million US dollars)only , in an account that belongs to one of our foreign customers who died along with his entire family in a plane crash that took place in Kenya,East Africa, the Late DR. GEORGE BRUMLEY,a citizen of Atlanta,United States of America but naturalised in Burkinafaso,WestAfrica and contractor with ECOWAS,(ECONOMIC COMMUNITY OF WEST AFRICAN STATES) .Since we got information about his death, we have been expecting his next of kin to come over and claim his money because it cannot be released unless somebody applies for it as next of kin or relation to the deceased as indicated in our banking guidelines but unfortunately , all his supposed next of kin or relation died alongside with him at the plane crash leaving nobody behind for the claim.It is therefore upon this discovery that I now decided to make this businness proposal to you and release the money to you via your foreign bank account as the next of kin or relation to the deceased for safety and subsequent disbursement since nobody is coming for it and this money Could go into the Bank treasury as unclaimed Bill. The Banking law and guideline here stipulates that if such money remained unclamed after four years, the money will betransfered into the Bank treasury as unclaimed fund.The request for your assistance and maximum co-operation as a foreign citizen to stand as the next of kin in this business is occasioned by the fact that the deceased customer was a foreigner and a Burkinabe cannot stand as next of kin to a foreigner.40 % of this money will be for you as my foreign partner, inrespect to the provision of a foreign account. 10 %will be set aside for expences incured during the business and 50 % would be for me. There after I will come over to your country for disbursement accoding to the percentages indicated. Therefore to enable the immediate trnansfer of this fund to you as arranged,you must apply first to the bank as the relation or next of kin to the deceased, indicating your claims and wherein the money will be remitted.Upon receipt of your reply, I will send to you by fax or email the text of application which you will fill and submit to the office of the foreign remittance director of the bank of africa.I will not fail to bring to your notice that this transaction is stricly confidential and i will use my position in this Bank to effect a hitch free transfer of the fund. You should contact me immediately as soon as you receive this letter. Trusting to hear from you immediately. Please , visit the website below for more informations about the Plane Crash and the tragic death of the deceased and his entire family, Late DR.GEORGE BRUMLEY.・s faithfully,MR.IDRIS MUSAComment : Wow, looks like I'm in the money again. Strangely similar to the last email, only this time I only get 40% of $15 million. 10% will be spent on expenses? I didn't realise you had any, unless you are a heavy drinker? So a Burkinabe cannot take receipt of the money. More importantly what a lovely word, Burkinabe.So I'm learning thats its impossible for people in Burkino Faso to withdraw money and the planes are not too reliable.[...]

My Junk Email Exposed


#2 I'm In The Money!FROM THE DESK OF MR.WILSON KABOREAUDITING AND ACCOUNTING MANAGERBANQUE ATLANTIQUE-OUAGADOUGOUBURKINA FASO.Trust/Confidential proposalDear Friend, Please this is important and very urgent i have an urgent transaction of $20.6 million usd to transfer to your nominated account, I am mr wilson kabore i am an Auditor, with Accounting Department,BANQUE ATLANTIQUE here in OUAGADOUGOU, BURKINA FASO.Aftergoing through some old files in the records, I discovered that if I do not remit this money out urgently it will be forfeited for nothing. The owner of this account unfortunately died in the plane crash of Union Transport Africains Flight Boeing 727 in Cotonou, Benin republic on the december 25, 2003. You will read more stories about the crash on visiting this website other person knows about this account or any thing concerning it,the account has no other beneficiary and my investigation proved to me as well that his company does not know anything about this account and the amount involved is (USD 20.6 MILLION) Twenty million Six Hunderd Thousend United States Dollars. I want to transfer the USD 20.6 MILLION) Twenty million Six Hunderd Thousend United States Dollars into a safe foreigners account abroad , but I don't know any foreigner, I am only contacting you as a foreigner because this money can not be approved to a local bank here, but can only be approved to any foreign account because the money is in US dollars and the former owner of the account is a foreigner too. I know that this message will come to you as a surprise as we don't know our selves before, but be rest assure that this is life time business for both of us even for our generation to come.With believe in God that you will never let me down in this business. You are the only person that I have contacted in this business, so please reply urgently so that I will inform you the next step to take urgently, Send also your private telephone and fax number. I want us to meet face to face or sign a binding agreement to bind us together so that you can receive this money into a foreign account or any account of your choice where the fund will be safe.I will fly to your country for withdrawal and sharing and other investments. I am contacting you because of the need to involve a foreigner with foreign account and foreign beneficiary. I need your full co-operation to make this work fine because the management is ready to approve this payment to any foreigner who has correct information about this account, which I will feed you with, if you are able and with capability to handle such amount in strict confidence and trust according to my instructions and advice for our mutual benefit because this opportunity will never come again in my life. I need truthful person in this business because I don't want to make mistake I need your strong assurance and trust.With my position now in the office I can transfer this money to any foreign reliable account, which you can provide with assurance that this money will be intact pending my physical arrival in your country for sharing. And i want to remind you that your share has been carculated at 35% of the total sum. I'am waiting for your urgent reply so that i will give you more information about this deal. Please reply back to my private email address regards, Mr WILSON KABORE.Comment : 35% of $20.6 million, not a bad days work for just opening an email. So I'm the beneficiary because I'm a foreigner presumably with an account. Lucky me. So Wilson wants to fly over to split the dosh, hes very trusting isnt he.[...]

My Junk Email Exposed


The idea of this series is to show the rubbish that gets sent too my email account daily. And thats it really. Hopefully some comment and humour can be derived from it.

#1 A Friend In Need?

Dear Friend,
I am wife of sacked deputy president of south africa, jacob zuma. It is out of desperation that i am sending you this mail. my husband and i need your help in fronting for us as owner of funds that are his which might come under investigation soon if the fund's ownership is not changed soonest. as my husband's finances are increasingly becoming the source of investigation by our distractors. the source of these funds which my husband's earnings would not validate, will further sink him into the cesspool dug by our enemies.

It is because of the dire strait we find ourselves that we resolved to reach you and ask for your assistance in this matter. we are averse to letting those we know here into this deal because we are no longer sure of who our friends are. you will be rewarded if you choose to help us in partnership in this deal. I will be expecting to hear from you via my personal email account( and will disclose further detail to you upon your response. do well not to disclose the content of this mail to anyone.

Best Regards,
Lindiwe Zuma

Comment : The wife of the sacked deputy president of South Africa, I didnt know I had friends in such high places. Jacob Zuma is the current president of the governing party ANC. He admits to being a polygamist and has been married 4 times. Though I cant see Lindiwe listed anywhere as his wife.

He is being investigated by the National Prosecuting Authority for corruption surrounding an arms deal, including tax evasion, money laundering, and racketeering. And Lindiwe wants me to front ownership of his funds. Well I won't be emailing her just yet...

New Season of Joe Blogs Blog!


Hi readers, welcome back for Season 2. Unattended blogs are like over run gardens, the weeds take over, well i'm back with more explosive material than a Chinese factory making Mattel toys. I should work for Royal Mail our beleagured national postal system, no post since August 14.I wanted to end it but Kathy Bates reprised her role from Misery, told me she was my number 1 fan, hobbled me and is making me type this post in a remote outhouse. I almost escaped but she found out I had been out of my locked room, she noticed her favourite ‘rabbit’ wasn’t facing due south.. I would like to smash her round the head with my monitor but she reads this..King Tutenkhamuns body was shown for all to see recently. He died at the age of 19 and his buck teeth are still evident. Shame there were no good dentists in those days. They bought him back out for Halloween. I might add Tutenkhamun to my Facebook, though if I poke him he might break. He'll be lucky if anyone adds him with that face.F1 Driver Lewis Hamilton has left Britain for Switzerland siting wanting to live a normal live as the main reason, tax is not an issue I suppose. Though its fitting he goes to Geneva as the convention was set up to help the human rights of millionaire playboys.Britney Spears was left in tears after a custody meeting, she then had sex with a magician who made her tears disappear.Some strange laws I came across :It is illegal for London taxis to carry rabid dogs or corpses, that excludes Britney Spears on a night out.It is illegal to die in the Houses Of Parliament. How can that be? I'm presuming you wouldn't have much choice in the matter. It is fine to tell lies and make broken promises though. Dieing politically is another story.It is treason to place a British postage stamp with the Queens head upside down. But its fine for Prince Harry to snort Vodka.In France you cannot call a pig Napoleon. Or presumably a frog.In other news, a 13 year old Illinois school girl got detention for hugging two friends. What kind of puritanical place is America. Maybe they preach about God versus Huggy Bear nowadays. They are certainly putting the squeeze on student displays of affection.Heather Mills-McCartney complains the media victimize her. I can't explain it, I just can't help it, if Paul McCartney was a real beetle she would have been done for animal cruelty, whats shes put him through. All for a bit of beetle juice. He should have realised on the night before his wedding, she will step on a stag beetle.So Kiefer Sutherland is going to serve time for DUI. Wonder if he ever acts under the influence, from his father.New FilmsIn Saw IV the Jigsaw killer lives on. Incredibly before dying he tape recorded various new games for future victims. This guy should work for the Olympic planning committee. If Jigsaw man did Sat Nav, “Joe, I want to play a game, do as I say and you will increase your chance of surviving, now turn left…”Anyone see Hostel 2? I can’t believe that hostel is still in business. You never get your passport back, you get drugged then tortured and killed. I wonder what star rating they get. I’d prefer to stay at Fawlty Towers.Tourism can’t have been helped in Alaska this winter with the film 30 Days Of Night. The title is a give away but the film also features supernatural flesh eating zombies. Come to Alaska for the cold winter bite.[...]

Joes View


F1 Racing driver Lewis Hamilton is dating the boss' daughter. Apparently he likes her lap dances. He must really like living in the fast lane. His boss will know about all the moves he might try.

A poet has been employed to read at Reading Station. The amount of waiting time she could read War And Peace.An arrest warrant is out for new Man City football club owner Thaksin Shinawatra. Maybe he has been playing away from home.

If Karl Rove is Bush's Brain then what is Dick Cheney?

O.J. Simpson's book If I Did It is to be published, along with JFK's If I was Shot, and Bill Clinton's What If I Did Have Sexual Relations With That Woman.

Hate sequels, I didn't like going through rush hour the first time. Too long and was going nowhere.

Baby Spice lives up to her name and has a baby.

The Bourne Rhodedendrum, Jason Bourne tries to stop a botanist from blowing up the world.
Bourne Free, Jason releases lions on heat seeking missiles.
Bourne Again, Mel Gibson to direct.
Bjorn Ultimatum, serve an ace or die.

A man has had his hand surgically whittled to be better able to use the Iphone touch screen. They should make a phone for him, the Ipodge.

An ancient forest has been discovered in Hungary, tree trunks 8 million years old. That's a lot of rings to count. More than Elizabeth Taylor has.

A girl who works in a sandwich shop overdosed on coffee. She might be one sandwich short of a picnic. I know listening to too much Ice T can be bad for your health though.

Karl Rove has stepped down. The retired neo-con helped Bush into power. Imagine Rove in a retirement home.
Karl Rove : Hell, Nurse wheres my dinner?
Nurse : It'll be ready in 45 minutes.
Karl Rove : I don't believe you. That Stevie Wonder is playing his music too loud.
Nurse : Let me plump your pillow. Settle down now.
(Rove sneaks out, enters Stevie Wonders room and turns off the record player)
Stevie Wonder : Who's that, turn my music back on.
later on...
Nurse : Did you turn off Stevie's record player?
Karl Rove : I must admit I did, it was a pre-emptive strike.
Nurse : And you shouted at Buffy The Vampire Slayer next door?
Karl Rove : Understand, its a war on Sarah Michelle Geller.

Insert Title Here


Premiership football clubs who have spent millions on new players have already won a title, "Hey Big Spender".

New green version of Madness song Driving In My Car, "I go driving in my car, it wiped out the jaguar."

When Gordon Brown talks I can see his lips moving but can’t take anything in that he says. Even lip readers lose interest, and start focusing on his tie. People who do sign language start playing rock, scissors and stone.

Many people lost out on insurance policies when Enron collapsed, opposition leader David Cameron knows what it’s like to have no policies.

Michael Moores documentary on the American health care systems exposes that George Clooney is not going to be your doctor.

Laura Bush : First Blair and now Brown
George Bush : What?
Laura Bush : Another special relationship, whats a girl to think?
George Bush : You worry too much, I'm just brown nosing.
Laura Bush : Well OK I wouldn't worry so much but I remember you and camp David.





Gordon Brown has one fan at least, Aretha Franklin, 'the only man who ever loved me was... the son of a preacher man.'

The British government has banned Russian diplomats, you only get out what you putin.

After the BBC faked footage of the Queen, they have decided to come clean on a number of issues, BBC spokeswoman Meg Ryan, admitted the corporation was guilty of faking it, and came clean on a number of issues, "the moon landing, JFK assassination, and Dr Who is not actually a registered Doctor." Meg Ryan has a new film out, Deceitful In Seattle.

Floods in Britain means you can go fishing for Blu-Ray DVDs.

Tony Blair proposed to Cherie in a lav, its no wonder this country has gone down the toilet. Maybe Tony thought the engaged sign on the door was a hint.

Cruise : how ya doin Becks
Beckham : good thanks, I touched down in LA
Cruise : wow u only just arrived and you scored on the soccer field
Beckham : um no..

There is not much original music around, so many covers, more than Wimbledon this year.

Anyone who asks the quickest way to a mans heart should ask the steward at the javelin throwing contest.

With talk of doping in golf, two spectators were struck. A case of roid rage? Drugs might be par for the course.

Bush has had a semicolonoscopy to sort out his grammar.

Joe Blog's Interview #115 The Iraqi Dentist


Name : OmarAge : mid-twentiesLocation :BaghdadVocation :DentistPhilosophy : yet to choose oneSum up what your blog is about.Iraq and the war on terror, that's what it's pretty much about.Why are you doing your blog?To tell the world what's going on from an Iraqi perspective.What’s the funniest entry on your site?No funny entries on my blog as far as I know. War and politics at a time of war leave little, if any, space for humorous writing.What is your writing style?I honestly don't know. I haven’t received any training for writing so I just write whatever comes to my mind and feel is worth mentioning...I simply let the ideas decide the shape of the posts.What do people commonly say about your site?Things range from "excellent, informative, reliable" to "fake, propaganda, full of lies".What would you be doing if you weren’t doing your blog?Pulling and filling more teeth.Why should someone visit your site?I think the visitors can answer this one better, maybe because they enjoy our reporting or because they want to know what some guy in Baghdad thinks about the situation in Iraq.What did you learn from your first love?There was no such thing,Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?Yeah, there's a bunch of blogs that I read quite often including Instapundit, Mudvill Gazette, The Fourth Rail, Michael Totten, Sandmonkey and many others.What makes you feel positive about Iraq today?The resiliency of our people and their love for life.What conclusions have you come to over the situation in Iraq?In what respect? Books can be written on this, you know!If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?I have made friends with many people through the blog whom I hadn't meet thus far, I'd like to invite those guys if I could.Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.Recently? Nothing.Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.hat's funny to me might not be funny to you and vice versa. There are rare times when I laughed at a joke told by a westerner so let's spare everyone the embarrassment.What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?To spend more time on reading.Any interesting travel stories?That would be my trip to the States a couple years ago but I prefer to keep it for myself.What’s the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?Nothing significant thus far, but I'm expecting something big quite soon. Will talk about it when the time comes.Your Site Address : Iraq The Model[...]

Joe Blog's Interview #114 The Cartoonist


Name : Royston RobertsonAge : 39 (genuinely, not in an I'm over 40 and don't want to admit it way ...)Location : Broadstairs, Kent, UKVocation : Full-time freelance cartoonistPhilosophy : is the name of the second track on the Ben Folds Five debut album. It's brilliant.Sum up what your blog is about.Back To The Drawing Board – Cartoons and thoughts by Royston Robertson, UK freelance cartoonist.Why are you doing your blog?To promote my work, give it another outlet on the web, and so I can talk a little about the process of cartooning.What's the funniest entry on your site?I couldn't really comment on that – hopefully one of the cartoons,What is your writing style?The key thing I bear in mind is to try to be brief with my entries! There are far to many over-wordy blogs and not enough hours in the day to read them.What do people commonly say about your site?That they like the insight into how I come up with gags, the stories behind each cartoon, how it was developed etc.What would you be doing if you weren't doing your blog?Drawing more cartoons, ideally.Why should someone visit your site?For a laugh.What did you learn from your first love?Wow, this suddenly got personal!Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?Mainly cartoonists : Mark Anderson, Mike Lynch, Wilbur Dawbarn, Rod McKie, Drawn!, Chewing Pencils, Matt Buck, and Linkmachinego, which is not about cartooning but always has lots of interesting links.Tell us about the process you go through creating a comic.For gag cartooning, it goes like this: Think up the idea. Pencil the drawing. Put pencil drawing on lightbox. Ink on a piece of paper over the top (keeps it looser than inking the pencil lines, I find). Scan. Make any adjustments on screen. Add colour or tone if needed. Add caption plus name and contact details. Hope that it sells …What is your favourite sketch you have done?The most recent one. No, forget that, the one I got paid the most for ;-)Now it's your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.Is Joe Blogs your God-given name?Joe Blogs : Maybe, but I know drawing isn't my God given talent. Check out Royston's Blog, he has been commissioned by a multitude of publications, including Readers Digest, and Private Eye.Your Site Address : Blog : Back To The Drawing Board Website : Royston Robertson [...]

Joe Blog's Interview #113 Flea


Name : FleaAge : Old enough to know betterLocation : The AnnexVocation : MusicianPhilosophy : If all else fails, read the instructionsSum up what your blog is about.Politics and pop culture as seen from Northanger Abbey.Why are you doing your blog?My Hyde Park soapbox is not handy for Toronto so I am not left with much choice. I would quite desperately like to stop blogging, actually, but if I did I fear my pineal gland would explode.What's the funniest entry on your site?I think my review of CBC logos was quite witty and of interest even to foreigners and those of us who tend not to watch the CBC (excepting Coronation Street broadcasts and the title sequence of Hockey Night in Canada).What is your writing style?Seventy-five words per minute on a USB Hansen Writing Ball means I write with more of a flourish than is strictly necessary.What do people commonly say about your site?They only read it for the articles. And the totty.What would you be doing if you weren't doing your blog?I would sleep in until 7am and quite possibly represent the people of Trinity-Spadina as a Member of Parliament.Why should someone visit your site?It is that or I stand outside the front door rattling a tin cup and crying (slowly at first). Trust me, nobody wants to see that twice.What did you learn from your first love?Sed fugit interea fugit irreparabile tempus.Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?Oh yes, lots. I start my day with Rantburg, for example. I stroll down my blog roll through the course of the week.If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?From beyond the grave: Gwen MacEwan, a poet who explored the Toronto inside Toronto. I would like to thank her for everything.From the here and now: Christopher Hitchens. All this bourbon is not going to drink itself.What do you dislike in 21st century culture?The 21st century has a culture? How fascinating for it.Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.So much of good manners and common courtesy takes the form of forbearance. Many of my recent good deeds are in the form of things I have not done.Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.I have a rather clever story about funding research in the UK heating/ventilating and air-conditioning industry but it is a bit convoluted for this context. Suffice to say the British government is the clear origin of Vogon planning permission etiquette.What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?Quit your job. Live the life you were meant to.Any interesting travel stories? I was arguing so vehemently the merits of my hypothetical black-and-blue garden over Vita Sackville-West's white garden that I missed the train station for Sissinghurst. Though I think that was more amusing for those who were present at the time that it sounds in retrospect. I was right, by the way.Do you have any strong opinions you would like to debate with me?You can defend single malts while I advance the cause of Irish blends.Joe Blogs : Single malt is whiskey as it should be, back in the day they used to call it the water of life. So single malt is pure quality. An Irish blend is like decaffeinated coffee, not drunk as God intended.What's the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?Noticing spirals in her eyes.Now it's your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.You have an opinion about whether it was an African or a European swallow, don't you? J'accuse!Joe Blogs : Oh your refer to Monty Python And The Holy Grail! I'd need to kno[...]

Joe Blog's Interview #112 Grumpy Old Book Man


Name : Michael AllenAge : 68 on 4 May 2007Location : Wiltshire, EnglandVocation : WritingPhilosophy : I try not to worry about things I can do nothing about.Sum up what your blog is about.It's about books, the technique of writing fiction, and the changing business of publishing (and printing) in the digital age.Why are you doing your blog?It keeps me out of the pub (bar) and (I tell my wife) it keeps my mind off other women. It certainly isn't for the money. Also, and perhaps most important, it enables me to put in front of the (mostly uninterested) world my views on book-related matters. For years it irritated me that I was thinking all these thoughts and had no means of making them public. Blogs give you a platform.What's the funniest entry on your site?Any humour is probably inadvertent.What is your writing style?I hope it is clear, but it's certainly old-fashioned and English.What do people commonly say about your site?Those who read it regularly seem to like it. If I had to guess why, it's because (a) I introduce them to unusual books, (b) I preach that popular fiction is just as good as literary fiction (and often better).What would you be doing if you weren't doing your blog?Possibly some more walking in the Wiltshire countryside, and taking photographs of same.Why should someone visit your site?If you are interested in writing fiction, the three years of the Grumpy Old Bookman supply a considerable amount of advice on narrative technique. If you like reading, just for the fun of it, you might find some books that you've never heard of before which may prove worthwhile.What did you learn from your first love?What first love? My first love affair? If so, I learnt that love is not always reciprocated. Dammit.Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?I regularly read the following, in alphabetical order:BookslutBuzz, balls & hype Creative CommonsGalleycatLiterary SaloonMadame ArcatiMaud Newton If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?Er... Pass.What is the greatest literary work of all time?There is no such thing as a 'great book' as generally understood in the world of literary criticism. For details of why I say that, read chapter 5 of my book 'The Truth about Writing' -- it's available free online. Here's the link: said that, I do of course have a list of favourite authors. Here it is :Margery Allingham, Richard Condon, Ian Fleming, James Joyce, Terry Pratchett, Neal Stephenson, Algernon Charles Swinburne, Thomas H. Uzzell, Kurt Vonnegut, Colin Watson.Do you count yourself among the adults who read Harry Potter?No. I read the first one and thought it was pretty good, but I haven't been tempted by the others.Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.I do get quite a lot of correspondence from people who seek my help and advice on publishing matters. If I can, I provide that help. But some people you just can't help. One man called me a c**t and a t**t because I wouldn't read his book.Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.I am very bad at remembering jokes, but one that I remember from 50 years ago goes as follows. A Church of England Bishop found himself late for a train, so he ran along the platform, jumped into a carriage, and slumped into a seat, just as the train started to move. When he had settled himself, the Bishop suddenly realised that the only other occupant of the compartment (it was an o[...]

Joe Blogs Interview #111 Mr Murphy


Name : Gary Lawrence MurphyAge : 50Location : NE shores of Lake HuronVocation : Handle what comes upPhilosophy : As it comes upSum up what your blog is about.A notebook for fragments of sermons I will never give, on the topic of clinging to our humanity midst a life out of balance.Why are you doing your blog?Because, other than my cats, I have no other willing audience. I started because I believed in self-publishing; I kept going because there were things I had to say, and when I start talking like this in real life, people find another seat on the bus.What's the funniest entry on your site?The funniest was a post a long time ago where I offered to host an interview with JustinTrudeau; a magazine journalist was only given summary space by her editor, so I offered to host the whole thing on my main website, and then blogged just a brief item to say I'd posted the interview over at the other URL.The blog posting was deluged by comments, hundreds of them, mostly by women, all of them personal messages to Justin Trudeau!"Remember me?" and "Call me!" and "You're soooo cute!"None were including telephone numbers, though.What is your writing style?A revisionist stream of consciousness. When a topic takes me, I just write it in, top to bottom, conversationally as it happens spilling out in a boorish style where the only pause is to ask rhetorical or leading questions. Did I mention that I tend to get my own seat on the bus?I often go back over and grind down awkward phrases, sometimes mashing words or phrases to clear up an intent, sometimes to cool down libelous wordings after my blood pressure returns to normal.What do people commonly say about your site?"You have a blog?" or the equivalent "I've read everything you ever wrote" or, most often, "Love your site!" followed by a long list of casino andpharmaceutical URLs.What would you be doing if you weren't doing your blog?Torturing family, friends and neighbours with these same random pontifications. Most often I do that anyway; its a safe thing to do considering none of them read my blog.Why should someone visit your site?The side-bar blog-roll is a pretty good collection of jazz, science and technology writers! Other than that, I don't really know what possesses my readership. Misery loves company, maybe?There is some guy called msnbot who keeps coming back day after day -- I really have to wonder about someone like that.What did you learn from your first love?How to lie about where I was last night.Are there any blogs you enjoy reading?Whenever I am certain humanity is going to hell in a handcart, I tune in on mark woods, ralf zeigermann or jay manifold because they are my proof of intelligent life out there. When I get to feeling that we are the Invincible Ape, I like to share the gloat in Data Is Nature and The Music Thing. If I dare think I really understand, I'll check out Jack Sarfatti.If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?Hard to choose, even sticking with those who are living. I might want to discuss tone science with Marshall Allen or listen to Ran Blake reminisce about Lenox, but I'd probably just be all school-kid fumbles and dumb questions like that time I interviewed John Cage in the kitchen, so I don't know, probably too risky.How about Tony Blair. Not to talk politics or anything, just because he probably needs a friendly quiet getaway these days and while we maybe wouldn't agree on any[...]