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Preview: Zoning Out Again with Obsessive Yet Random Ponderings

Zoning Out Again with Obsessive Yet Random Ponderings





Updated: 2018-01-07T06:20:31.684-05:00

 



Re-Posting from the Archives Again. :0) (Hey, Xmas is around the corner!)

2009-03-01T21:40:40.654-05:00

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I’m not the type of person who needs very much in life.
As long as the bills are paid and no one is threatening to shut anything off or take something away, I’m a very content person. Oh yeah, food in the house is a plus. Sure, I won’t lie and say I don’t love technology, cool gadgets, fixing up my home and things of that sort, but materialism isn’t something I’m addicted to. I could live without it. It doesn’t take much to please me at all. In fact I’m the happiest person on earth when all I own is security.

Like for instance, the security of toilet paper. Nothing makes me feel more like I have a million bucks than a 36 roll package of quality toilet paper. I feel like…life is beautiful owning that much certainty. Just knowing you can go anytime and not have to hold it or worse, search for something similar, is pure ecstasy.
You know what I’m talking about! Don’t act like you’re above it. It happens to everyone. Not men though, in the case of #1, because you can just shake it off. But for females, it’s a double shot. (don’t even get me going about how females got the short end of the stick (no pun intended) in terms of bodily functions). That is a totally different tangent.

Anyhow, back to the abundance of toilet paper and cloud 9.
I am just thrilled beyond belief when I bring home a GINORMOUS package of toilet paper. Crack has nothing on double rolls! I take it all out, fill the cabinets that are positioned right in front of the toilet until they are jam packed and then I top it off with a huge pyramid I like to call QUILTED HEAVENLY PEACE OF MIND. I could sit and stare at it for hours. The cabinet doors are glass, so it’s just a wonderful view during every experience in the bathroom.

This is what makes me such a great person to buy presents for. I would love to receive a GINORMOUS package of toilet paper for Christmas. You would think my husband would figure this out and use it to his advantage, but no, as usual he has to go against the grain and come home with a measly generic brand, 1-ply 4 pack. I know he does it to annoy me! We have 5 people in our house. 3 of us are female ‘for you know whose sake’! So, dearest of family & friends out there who are reading this, especially those of you who shop at Sam’s or Costco, when you’re strolling the paper isle (or skipping as I do) think of me. Try it out for yourself. You’ll call me and thank me! By the way, my birthday is coming up in June and my favorite brand is Cottonelle. Splurge, I’m worth it! :0)



Does God Get Sick of Suck Ups?

2009-03-01T21:43:06.778-05:00

I'm getting back into the blogging swing of things and decided to start out the lazy way. I'm pulling some of my older posts out and re-posting them. Sort of like re-gifting only not as politically gross. Here is one of my personal favorites, because I now truly understand the answer to my question in this past post.
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Lately I've been so thankful for everything!

I find myself saying thanks to god for the smallest of things.

So much so that I feel like a total suck up.


"God, thanks for sending that flock of birds just now, I needed that".


"God, thanks for giving me a seat with a wonderful view while I work my second job performing mindless oopma-loompa-like work". Update: "Lord thank you for the new business that I love, love, love!"


"God, thank you for letting me get the last banana Popsicle. You know how these greedy people in my house can be".


"God, thank you for making me slam on my breaks, when that firetruck almost wiped my daughter and I off the face of the earth. (Well that one was legitimate).


"God, thank you for keeping me from killing my husband." (I guess that's a big one too).


"God, thank you for the invention of toilet paper, because really, what would we do without it?"

My thank you prayers get pretty ridiculous at times and the other day I thought to myself, "when does giving too much thanks become sucking up?" Is God up there screening his prayers because of me and people like me?

I can picture him saying " GEEZ ALREADY!" Or "Oh for My sake, not this one again!" or "this one is really clogging up my voice mail! Peter, can we put this one on the DO NOT PRAY LIST?"

Well, I guess I'll find out
  • if I ever when I get up there, won't I?
  • Update: My answer to this question is "No!". He never gets sick of us! He wants to hear more in fact! It beats the whining and complaining that's for sure!





    SHOT GUN!!!

    2008-09-25T09:03:47.084-05:00

    (image) "MOOOOOOM! I called SHOT GUN and she's running out to the car to sit in the front. I called it first and she knows the rules! Please tell her to get out of my seat!!!!" the other one argues: "No Mom, she called it like...15 minutes before we were walking out the door, the rule is 5 minutes, I did that last time and you made me get out of the seat!"

    These people are teenagers for crying out loud!!!!!


    Honestly, not only does this phrase "I CALL SHOT GUN" shrivel my very soul to dust every time I hear it, but it makes me want to go out and buy one! Not to use on anyone in particular.....except maybe myself.


    One day we were in church and in the middle of the closing prayer, they both at the same time passed me scribbled notes proclaiming their "Shot Gun" positions. I resolved to say "You're both sitting in the back seat. God called SHOT GUN before you did!"
    It was the best ride home I've ever had! I glanced back grinning from ear to ear, watching them both sitting in the back seat, trying to sit as far away from one another as possible.
    It was a perfect solution! Me riding up front with MY music blaring and God riding SHOT GUN. :0)




    WHY CAN'T WE HAVE A NORMAL FATHER'S DAY?

    2008-06-15T23:53:59.823-05:00

    (image)















    Better yet, a normal Father.
    Let's just say my husband is the one smiling vertically!
    I'll say no more.




    BALDING BY THE MINUTE!!!

    2008-03-17T00:24:20.741-05:00

    (image) Well people.....it's that time again in my life where I tear out large patches of hair from my head, chew my fingers down to the nubbs and grow a ginormous stress belly.
    Another one of my off spring has decided to proceed with turning sixteen next month. No matter how huge an internal conniption fit I throw, she still insists on going ahead with it.

    Next month one of my sweet little girls will be driving!!!!!!
    Driving me insane that is!

    I thought it would be a breeze when I taught my son to drive; Little did I know I should have worn adult diapers and taken a couple of those cute little pills before I left the house each time we went out.

    It was truly one of the most disturbing experiences of my life and I LOATH having to do it again! LOOOOAAAATH IT! ...and then I have to do it again next year for 'thank the lord' the last of the brood! Honestly, I would rather feel the pain of childbirth for a month. I'll even give up the smorgasbord of drugs they so kindly provide! Can I still get some of those for this occasion? Okay, okay. I'll wait to take them after each lesson. Whaaaat? I'll have a designated driver! Sheeeezz! For those of you men who've never experienced child birth let's say, 'I would rather take a sledgehammer to the old egg pouch'.

    Anyhow, not only is this wonderful child (who can barely walk without falling or stumbling into something painful), planning to operate a moving vehicle amongst unsuspecting drivers, pedestrians and possibly farm animals; she is also planning a Sweet Sixteen party to commence in a little less than a month.
    I'm supposed to attend my 20 year reunion in August.
    I am destined to look like something from The Hills Have Eyes!
    At least I'll have something to come back here and vent about for the next couple of months.
    PLEASE SEND ME SOME DRUGS! PLEASE!!!!!

    Oh and a special shout out to my mom for the wonderful curse she put on me!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks a lot! Love you too!!!!
    (YOU SHOULD BE SENDING ME SOME DRUGS!).



    TOM JONES INSURES HIS CHEST HAIR FOR 7 MILLION DOLLARS!

    2009-08-19T23:25:14.651-05:00

    (image) What the hell is this world coming to? Hell.
    Exactly that. I can't believe they insured him given the high melanoma risk. Not that I'm speaking that into existence for TJ.

    What exactly might happen to this incredible chest hair and who gives a rat's you know whattie? Shouldn't his hair be gray by now? Does he dye it? I wonder if that was asked on the health screening questionnaire. Is it even possible to dye chest hair?
    SEVEN MILLION DOLLARS FOR CHEST HAIR???
    Can I insure my chest hair? Eww. I kid!

    What constitutes submitting a claim?
    A small brush fire breaks out spontaneously? Lice move in and claim squatters rights? What about all that hair that resides below his chest and what about the hair on his back? Maybe he should buy a little more insurance. What if his hair dye and tanning oil combust?

    Who's boarding the silly train next? I can see it now.......
    'SIMON COWELL INSURES THE STICK UP HIS BUTT'.

    I'll stop before we're all bathing in a puke bath. Miss you guys! I'm back from my hiatus! A little grouchier these days, but I'll be back with short and sweet posts. Maybe.

    I've been gone so long I think I fell off the HUMOR-BLOGS list!



    I REALLY HATE GREEN PEAS WITH A PASSION!!!

    2008-01-01T22:45:38.240-05:00

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    (Not all peas mind you. I don't mean to offend any of you pea lovers out there.
    I do love snow peas!)
    That's all. Just wanted to share that.
    Happy New Year Everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



    SNOW DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and some new hair pics....

    2007-12-17T00:27:14.461-05:00

    Have you checked out the new Humor-Blogs site yet? Diesel categorized all of our blogs and I found mine under 'Family'. So on that note, I won't feel guilty posting a little slide show of our snow experience out here in the North East these past couple of days. This is for all of my Cali peeps and basically any of you who don't get to experience this season. WE LOVE LOVE LOVE THE SNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Between all of the shoveling and hot cocoa we managed to get in a few snowball fights. Here is a small account of how we passed the time during last Thursday's storm.
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    What's In Your Bag?

    2007-11-22T21:49:25.291-05:00

    Turn your volume up so you can hear me & click on the arrows at the bottom of the screen to navigate if you're impatient like I am. :0D If you're a Voicethread member, leave me a voice comment. If you aren't a member, check it out! Voicethread.com. Thanks for the heads up Joel of Crummy Church Signs



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    Check out what Theresa of The Rain In Spain has in her bag! And take a look at what Frogster carries in his pockets over at The Frog Bog



    WOO HOO! I'M IN THE LINE UP!!!!

    2007-11-20T23:44:13.730-05:00

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    Even though I don't expect to win this one, I'm honored to be in the top ten!
    I voted for myself which explains why I'm on the boards. Get over to Diesel's place MattressPolice and check out his caption contest. He's an amazing photoshop artist who super imposes himself into scenes and then people post their best caption submissions vying for a signed digital copy from the artist (no not Prince the Artist) and bragging rights with an "In Your Face" banner. The genius rigged the banner to bring the clicker back to his site.
    I appreciate his blog pimping ways!
    So get on over there and vote for your favorite caption. I'm partial to Crazy Aunt Bea from Central Snark Theresa from The Rain In Spain and Crummy Church Signs
    Good Luck Everyone!


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    NOPE...STILL HAVEN'T POSTED ANYTHING NEW

    2007-11-16T22:10:03.871-05:00




    I'M PULLING A BRITTNEY!!!

    2007-11-06T23:08:50.361-05:00

    Okay, maybe not as drastic as Brittney, and this is for a good cause.
    I'm taking the girls and we're lopping off our hair for Locks of Love.
    See all this hair?
    (image)

    It's all coming off in a couple of days! WOO HOO! I can't believe that people sell their hair instead of donating it to others in need! My hair grows fast so I'm just going to farm myself out! No that doesn't sound right, but you know what I mean!
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    Below is how it's going to look. I hope. :0)
    I thought about going completely bald but winter is almost here! I also thought about piercing my cheeks. Have you seen that? It's so cool! If I were a full time artist, I would do it, but I doubt it will go over well in the Real Estate world.

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    I LOVE MY VERY FAR IN THE FUTURE FUNERAL HOME!!!!

    2007-09-30T22:29:05.700-05:00

    Oh, it feels so good to take a break! Finally! Work is really going to kill me one of these days. Speaking of...I know this topic sounds really sick and twisted, but hey, what else can you expect from me? I just have to say that I have found my second to last final destination after I take the big old plunge.I know, you’re thinking this topic might jinx me, but I’m writing it anyway.I live a few blocks from this funeral home I’ve fallen in love with. Every time I drive by with my children in the car, I tell them ‘look everyone, it’s my funeral home. Wave!” They think I’m demented. I call it being positive.I must get it from my Mom. She and her husband purchased their plots already. They live in California and bought their plots in Chicago. After purchasing their plots during a visit, they took pictures of themselves standing on them, smiling and waving, then sent them to me! How sick is that? Pretty damn sick I tell you!So here are a few photos of my funeral home. I don’t ask for much. I’m never materialistic, (my toilet paper fetish does not count). I never got the wedding of my dreams. (Either time). I didn’t get to buy my dream home. I could go on, but why be negative. My new goal is to be extremely positive, starting with looking forward to going out in style! I keep bringing this funeral home thing to the attentions of my family and friends hoping that someone will remember in 60 or so years that this is my dream funeral home. Isn't it beautiful? Go ahead...Click on the photos to enlarge them and get a good gander! Gander...where did that come from? I'm already talking like an eighty year old!Even the hearse is beautiful.The building is beautiful. The grounds are always beautiful.If you’d like to start sending donations now, please do. Why wait until the last minute? People always ask for donations when someone dies don’t they? A little too morbid? Take a look at these photos and tell me you wouldn’t be just as excited.I had always planned on being cremated, but if I could be put on display here, I wouldn't mind the thought of maggots later. So here is my verbal wish online forever.This funeral home, ballons, a picnic on the grounds, and a band. (no clowns please, unless they are from Cirque Du Soleil), pop corn and cotton candy.HEY I GREW UP AS A JEHOVAH'S WITNESS AND I'VE MISSED OUT ON YEARS OF BIRTHDAY PARTIES, HOLIDAY PARTIES AND OTHER SUPERFICIAL STUFF. Oh yeah, positive....So there it is: Write to me about where you can send the donations. :0) I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!http://zoningoutagain.blogspot.com/rss.xml[...]



    I CAN'T WAIT FOR HALLOWEEN!!!!!

    2007-08-18T22:55:20.423-05:00

    (image)
    Last year I had the time of my life decorating for Halloween. It was the first year that I didn't have to chaperon my girls with 10-15 of their friends all over creation. Last year, another parent FINALLY did the deed. Don't get me wrong, I'm going to miss that phase in their lives when they were young enough to trick-or-treat, but it's pretty much over for them. Now that they're teenagers, they've informed me that last year was in fact the last year. I got to stay home for the first time and scare the crap out of little kids. If I remember correctly even the high school kids were freaked out a bit.
    I know I've got a couple of months left still but this year I've got to out do last year! WOO HOO!!!!
    Let me know if you have any good ideas.
    I wish I had a hologram machine.
    I'd love to create a grave yard with holograms of ghosts.
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    HERE I AM SIMPSONIZED

    2007-08-11T00:39:28.329-05:00

    Yeah yeah, I'm copying the cool kids! :0P
    LOOK YOU CAN STILL SEE MY BRA FAT!
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    CAN A UVULA BE REMOVED WHILE SOMEONE SLEEPS?

    2007-07-31T22:26:10.078-05:00

    If I were one of the 7 dwarfes, I’d be sleepy. Sleepy, because my husband refuses to sleep quietly. Is it too much to ask that someone keep their snoring in check? I’m usually a very mild mannered person. Nothing really gets to me the way that most things get to other people. People like my mother-in-law whom I’m sure unknowingly eats a healthy dose of chef saliva every time she goes out to eat. I don’t even want to go down the list of things that bother my husband resulting in stark raving lunaticisms. Likewise if I were to go through a list of things that certain people in my office find themselves easily annoyed about, we’d be here all day.So this snoring thing is out of control. I can usually sleep through anything. ANYTHING! Or if I’m awoken by accident, it’s all good, I can easily go back to sleep with no problem. Unlike other people I know, who once they get woken up, they make everyone in the house pay. I’m not just talking about my husband. I’ll have to tell you about the camping trip I took with my mother-in-law and her sisters and how we were all forced to go to bed like 8 year olds because my mother in law needs absolute deafening quiet when she sleeps. One minute she was instigating a balloon fight and as soon as she decided it was over, “it was over and why the hell weren’t we asleep already”. She can be quite scary when she gets annoyed. Even the crickets were terrified.Anyhow, nothing fazes me when I sleep, EXCEPT for snoring.There is something about it that just makes me want to take a pillow and snuff it right out. I’ve tried everything from poking a knee into my husbands back, to rolling him over myself. Once, I’m ashamed to say, that I even punched him. (not hard, because it didn’t wake him, but just enough to get him to shift positions so the snoring would stop). When he snores he’s always in a sound sleep, but one time I punched him (Oh I already said I only punched him once, maybe it was a couple of times) and he woke up and said geez why did you hit me? I played it off and said, “Oh, sorry I must have been dreaming about toilet paper sandwiches.” “what? Oh your talking in your sleep too.”So the snoring still continues from time to time and I just can’t sleep through it. I'm normally nice as pie. The phone can ring at any given time when I’m asleep, say around 3 am and I'll drag myself to the phone, wiping the drool off my chin, eyes all pasted together (isn’t that a lovely picture) and I'll answer the phone and pull off the “No, I wasn’t asleep, you aren’t bothering me at all” in a happy stepford wife tone. I’m not a grouchy sleeper.......UNLESS there's some snoring going on.It doesn’t have to be my husband who’s uvula I want to snip out of his throat with a pair of large toe nail clippers, in the middle of the night. It can be the dogs too. Once I slept in a room with 4 other adults who were all snoring. It was surround sound snoring at it’s best and I wanted to kill that night! KILL THEM ALL!I know, it sounds really callous and evil of me, but I’m sure that there are many of you out there who share my pain. All the tossing and turning, and sighing and punching in the world doesn’t make it any better does it. There must be a support group out there. SAS? Spouses Against Snoring. Let me know if you come up with any ideas before I KILL someone. http://zoningoutagain.blogspot.com/rss.xml[...]



    MAN NIPPLES......

    2007-08-20T15:42:43.176-05:00

    The other day I was 'chillin' in my back yard with my daughter and our dog Max. As she was rubbing his belly, much to his delight, she pondered out loud “why do male dogs have nipples?” I replied “Well, human males have nipples too. Hmm, why do males have nipples? There’s really no purpose for them, right?”My daughter is the female version of Cliff Clavin from Cheers, so I figured she would give me some long detailed explanation on the purpose of male nipples. Much to my delight at the time, she had nothing. It’s been a few days now and the question still flickers in and out of my head, as if I don’t have enough to think about.So does anyone out there have a good explanation for what purpose male nipples serve? The question takes me back to that one time when God created Adam. You remember that time right? Anyhow, I wonder if Adam started out WITHOUT nipples…and then along came Eve.In my mind, male nipples may have come about a little something like this:(I’ve illustrated a cartoon for this, but I’m too busy these days to dig out the scanner).Adam: Here ya go lord, here’s the rib.God: Alright, let me see what I can come up with.~POOF~Adam: Hmm, cool. But she looks a little too much like me.Isn’t there something you can do to make sure you can tell us apart?God: I see your point. How’s this?~poof~Adam: o000O00OH, Adam likie!What are those? Ya know, I think I would like a set for myself.God: No, I don’t think so.Adam: I want em!!! I want em!!! I want em….God: FINE! Poof~ There ya go.Adam: Ohhh, they’re really uncomfortable.God: Okaaaay How about….that?Adam: Muuuuch better! Now what are they for again?God: I was hoping you were going to tell me.Adam: Hmmm. Can I have some wings too.God:Your really pushing it!OKAY I KNOW YOU HATE YOUTUBE CLIPS BUT THIS IS FUNNY!And besides, it isn't YouTube it's JIBJAB. :0Phttp://zoningoutagain.blogspot.com/rss.xml[...]



    CONSPIRING WAITRESSES

    2007-08-20T15:43:38.212-05:00

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    Hmmmmm?

    Maybe I'm Paranoid?! I don't know if this happens to other people when they go out to dine but it does happen to me! After my food arrives and I am a 3rd of the way into it, whether I'm watching for the waiter/waitress to come back so I can ask for something else or not, they always seem to show up when my mouth is full.

    I think IT'S A CONSPIRACY!!!!!! In fact I know it is!

    Haven't you noticed that they wait in the shadows and when your mouth is packed so tightly that you can barely close your lips together, they run over and ask "Is everything okay?" With a mouth stuffed like that it takes at least five minutes to finish chewing, swallow, and make sure there is nothing in your teeth when you answer.

    Unlike some of the men on my husband's side of the family, I choose not to talk with my mouth full. So I miss out on whatever it was I may have needed. I look like a Boa Constrictor with half a small animal in my mouth. I always end up smiling and nodding to motion that all is well while trying to keep the contents from spilling out.

    Of course, there is the real possibility that they are waiting for me to take a break but then finally give up. (hence the name *Waiter *Waiting on you *Waiting for you...to slow down and take a breath of air.)

    NOPE! After years of watching this, I'm convinced that this is a tactic that all waitstaff use to get out of having to run back and forth.

    What do you think?
    (and don't tell me to take smaller bites!) :0P



    Happy Birthday to Me.....Again!

    2007-08-20T15:44:16.555-05:00

    WOO HOO, I've gained another year!
    Last year leading up to today I've been saying and believing that I was 37.
    I was really 36 all a long obviously, but I tricked myself into thinking that I was older. (Of course my subconscious knew the truth and was secretly thrilled that I was actually a year younger).

    Now that I've come upon yet another dreaded reminder that I still won't be allowed to audition for American Idol,(heh), this time around it's a little more tolerable! I feel like I've cheated Father Time out of an extra year before the big 4.0. The other day someone asked me how much older I was going to be and I said "Oh yeah...37....again. Cool!"

    Yes I know I sound like an idiot, but it gets me through okay! This is where you're suppose to chime in and say "no you don't sound like an idiot April,
    that's brilliant!"


    well??? *taps foot impatiently*
    Anyhow, I hope I'll be able to pull it off again next year!

    I meandered over to Dan's Blah-blah-blah Blog
    and found out that we share the exact same birthday!(oops I have one to many blahs in there). Anyhow check out his post "You Despise Me, Don't You". HILARIOUS!!!!! You won't regret it!


    6/29/07 Update: This might not be a great idea after all! I just realized I missed out on 36! COMPLETELY MISSED OUT ON 36! 36 IS A VOID! :0( Now I'm sad!



    HUSHIE-UPPIE!!!

    2007-08-20T15:46:52.132-05:00

    I have finally mastered the art of blowing off telemarketers, bill collectors, salesmen and Jehovah’s Witnesses in the nicest way possible. I’ve always been the type of person to get reeled in and on countless occasions I’ve been held hostage by all of the above. I could never bring myself to get rid of them in the quickest way possible for fear of hurting their feelings. Unlike my father-in-law who takes rudeness to an awesome level. Jehovah’s witnesses would come to his door and he’d scream at them saying “I told you people to stop bothering me!” then would slam the door in their poor faces. Real nice pops! That actually brings back some bad childhood memories. Wait a minute, I need a moment in my happy place. Okay I’m better.Anyhow, I’ve been working myself up to the best and easiest way to get these people to step off. :0) Nicely~For telemarketers and bill collectors I like to entertain myself by getting them to hang up on me. I answer the phone in my most childlike voice (which for me is not a huge stretch) and I say “I’m sorry my Mommy and Daddy aren’t home right now, do you want to talk to my turtle? Why? He wants to talk to you. But he’s going to cry! I’m telling my Daddy! What’s your name and telephone number? Are you a pedophile? Have you seen Dateline?” They end up hanging up on me! Works every time and it usually stops repeat calls. I love it!Sometimes I’ll get a really overzealous or rude person who calls, (you know the obnoxious personality who just won’t allow you to hang up or won’t take no for an answer?) I’ll let them think I’m interested, quietly set the phone down and let them run their spiel. I could nip it in the bud, but because they are so hyper-motivated, I feel sorry for them. Sometimes it seems that some of these sales people might get some sort of credit for just the right amount of dialog they pop off. They ramble on and on at a 100 words per second. If they cram it all in maybe their victim might happen to be a speed listener and will have a change of heart instead of feeling highly annoyed. I don’t like to let those personalities down. I might ruin their day. Waste their valuable time by interrupting every few seconds by quickly spitting out “no thank you”, “I’m sorry but I’m not interested”, “I’m not allowed to make the decisions in my house, trust me I'll be beaten”, “using your product is against my religion”; So I just let them do their thing, meanwhile, I put the phone down and walk off to do mine. I think it’s nice of me! Okay it’s a little mean but it beats getting upset, slamming the phone down and feeling bad about it later. I’d been snowed the year before by a very fast talking door to door salesgirl who wouldn’t take “I HAVE NO MONEY AND I MAY LOSE MY HOUSE NEXT MONTH” for an answer. Even after, “WE HAVE NO FOOD THIS WEEK!” she just kept going on even though I kept saying "no". Then my girls came over and she roped them in: “let me ask you girls something, wouldn't you use these educational products to help you get better grades? They are really cool computer programs that are more like fun games”. She stooped to the worst level! I was outside gardening and therefore didn’t have a door to slam. Not that I would have even if I had access to one, but I wanted to in the worst way. (In my mind it was a Scrubs scene where I day-dreamt that I slammed the door in her face a 100 times). Anyhow the girls said “oh yeah, we could definitely benefit from those!” “See they can really use the[...]



    A PEEK AT OUR CITY

    2007-08-20T15:47:56.492-05:00

    I haven't a thing to post AGAIN! I'm so glad to hear that I'm not the only one who is struggling to come up with something funny these days! There are so many of my favorite blog authors who share a seat with me on the same sad little boat. At least they're still funny when they think they aren't. ie; Central Snark with Nothin’.

    I can't even comment funny! I've been dragging these shackles around with a sour puss on my face for weeks now!

    My last post was just complete gibberish about what I'm not sure of, even after I re-read and read it again. Two of my children came to me and said, "you know, your last post really wasn't all that funny mom" and "I didn't even laugh once throughout the whole thing. You need to go back to your original style of writing and stop worrying about who's reading it because we can tell you're trying too hard." Thanks! Thanks so much Siskel and Ebert! BTW you're grounded!
    CRITIQUE THAT! :0P

    Okay, so it wasn't funny and it probably made me look really sick and deranged that I would offer excrement to my children for dinner.

    Anyhow, I still have nothing funny to offer up, so I thought I would post a little tour of our city.
    theresa of (image) gave us a cool little tour of the shopping she did in Pamplona, Spain. The Rain in Spain...: All in a Day's Shopping
    This is a little tour right back at ya theresa. Not as exciting as beautiful Spain, but I love it here none-the-less. I left out all of the modern shopping areas which are starting to boom in our area. Ooh, and don't forget to click on the "more photos" button. (and make sure your volume is up for the full experience).
    I didn't embed it into the post because the frame is to large. I need to get a wider layout. Anyhow here it is:

    Click Here For Tour Of Our City



    STOP HOLDING ME HOSTAGE!!!!
    (I’m referring to the voices in my head again).

    2007-08-20T15:53:48.150-05:00

    Wooooooo. It’s been crazy at work and then some these last couple of weeks. I haven’t had time to get on and post or even get on to read anyone else’s posts (except for a couple of my favs). I know whine-whine-whine.Life is good though! Really good! I have nothing to complain about! Can you believe it? Me not complaining about anything… I know, that’s rich! I find I’m not very funny when I’m not complaining. Then again maybe I’m the only person who thinks I’m funny when I’m droning on and on about something that no one really gives a damn about. Like right now.Anyhow, I’ve been slacking on my posts so I’ve really got to dig down deep right now and find something to good to whine about. Something everyone can relate to and somehow make it funny. Hmmm…. Nope, I can’t do it. I’ve been in too good a mood lately! How abouts’we explore a bunch (well more like a couple) of silly things that roam around in my head instead? Seeing as I’ve been away for such a long time and I may be away for a few more days once again, I think I’ll just throw a bunch of stuff out here in one post. Sort of like going on vacation and leaving one of those automatic pet feeders for the…..well duh, the pets of course. Not that I’m referring to you as the pets mind you! Is this lazy of me? Too bad, it’s all I have right now. Look it’s almost 4 am over here, cut me some slack!Okay, you twisted my arm. First I’ll start off with a little something to complain about of course. Gotta bait you with something funny right off the bat, correct?Let’s start with something that bothers me beyond bothered. Today's Lyrics in most of the music my kids listen too! Geez I never thought I’d hear myself saying that! I loved music as a teen and still do, and when I go back and listen to what I used to listen to in the 80s I guess my parents may have been cringing too.Most of todays songs are fouler than ever! I’m still very protective of my kids even though 1 is in college and the other 2 are in high school. It kills me when there are songs that are playing that warrant re-explaining the birds and the bees. I hate todays MTV which should be called Ho'TV, or Stripper TV. My girls think it’s funny to torture me by popping in a CD with this crap they know I hate to listen to in their presence.So I’m thinking that if I call them on some of the stupid lyrics they’ll be embarrassed and will take out the cd never to be played in my car again. I say “hey what did he just say? The lyrics to this one song are actually“I said my n*ggas don’t dance we just pull up our pants, now lean back, lean back, lean back, lean back”. Of course the N word is paused out of the song on the radio so to me it sounds like he’s saying; “my nuts don’t dance they just fill up my pants, now lean back, lean back ….” This other song that came out called "Party Like a Rock Star", I swear they are saying "Horny like a rock star". Eventually, I’ll embarrass the crap out of the girls and they won’t bother to play that garbage anymore. At least not around me! It’s bad enough most of the lyrics are just a 3 to 4 worded line repeated a bazillion times.CRAP I TELL YOU! (Oh man, I sound stogedy!)And now a little something I’m sure my kids will complain about. Remember, complaining is funny right?Is Ca-ca, poo-poo and pee-pee funny to you? Tickle any familiar funny bones?Close your eyes and take yourself back to the ages between 4 and 21.(Yesterday for some people).The re[...]



    22 Comments

    2007-05-18T21:36:35.233-05:00

    SOMETHING :0)



    OUT TO WORK

    2007-05-15T12:26:04.852-05:00

    (image)
    ALL THIS WORK AND NO TIME TO POST!!!!!!!!
    :0( I'LL BE BACK SOON!!!!!!
    I MISS YOU!!!!!!!



    THIS IS BRA FAT and it needs to go!

    2007-08-20T15:45:52.352-05:00

    (image) Okay ladies, (and some of you men),

    Can anyone tell me what the purpose of Bra Fat is? What does it do? Why is it there? How did it get in myyyy shirt?

    Other than confusing people about which is the front and which is the back, what is it's function? The least it can do is store water like a camel!

    I look like I have a sixpack on my upper back!
    (and a Keg in the front).
    This is rediculous!
    theresa was over at her place talking about fashion and how there is an 80s revival in Spain right now. People... can we please just go back to the 1800s and bring back the Corset?

    (image)
    Ya know they also make them for guys with man-boobs!

    Please post some suggestions here so that I can just STOP THE MADNESS ALREADY!

    I need another bra for my back!!!
    (Yeah yeah, I know.....ewwwww!)