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Comments on Ha'azina Tefilati: Release

Updated: 2014-03-13T20:55:14.183-05:00


Thank you Remson. There is a darker side to cuttin...


Thank you Remson. There is a darker side to cutting, aside from the fact that it can be life-threatening even when you don't mean it to be. I noticed--and I know I'm not the only one--this last time that it was like a drug.

A few minutes after one long gouge, the pain came back and then I dragged the hooked object over my skin again and even though it hurt and made me sick it was like a drink to an alcoholic. I was calmed, drinking in the pain. It was a true release. It took a dozen times or more to finally stop. One was deep enough that I may have a permanent scar.

My counselor suggested holding an ice cube instead. It still hurts but causes no lasting effects. And you can't accidentally die from it. I would have to be limited to one ice cube.

She asked if the gouging/cutting worked and I said, oh yes, and she was frustrated because she hoped I wouldn't get the release from it.

It's a little scary to think of its effects as being like a drug.

Dearest Rivka,You are so beautifully articulate......


Dearest Rivka,
You are so beautifully have described so eloquently the dilema I have faced. As a teenager I turned to cutting. Recently I was in such anguish I wanted to cease to exist when one of my sisters pulled me aside and told me to cut rather than kill myself...she, like you, cuts herself rather than kills herself when her depression descends. Thank you so much for sharing your inner most struggles. Your writing is a gift. I simply wish you didn't have to suffer such turmoil in order to do so.