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I Hate Music – FreakyTrigger

Lollards in the high church of low culture

Last Build Date: Sat, 07 Apr 2018 11:53:15 +0000


Quantum Leap Year

Fri, 29 Feb 2008 13:48:35 +0000

We’re not really sure what happened. This week the Lollards went back in time to 2007 allegedly trying to rescue Tanya. Tanya herself called FT Towers yesterday asking for an explanation. I didn’t have one and then something strange happened last night… While I was tackling a technical glitch on our servers that was failing […]

IHM Lyric Watch – Robyn: Be Mine

Tue, 05 Feb 2008 14:00:38 +0000

I have already catalogued the extreme and somewhat unpleasant transformation of Robyn from novelty frog chart act to novelty Swedish pop star here. But it has been brought to my attention that even though she can be ridiculed for her po-faced personality, blonde Hitler haircut and a wardrobe which has at least two DIFFERENT hot-dog […]

IHM Lyric Watch- Kate’n’Ash – Foundations

Fri, 01 Feb 2008 12:07:27 +0000

Artistic collaborations are a bit of a mixed bag for me. Clearly Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney making Say Say Say was a black day in my book (though not as black as it might have been in the seventies), BUT it did mean that there were not two separate solo Jackson and McCartney slabs […]

Shooting Fish In A Barrel Department: Biffy Clyro Division

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 16:53:50 +0000

Biffy Clyro, Scottish emo pioneers* think that just because they have a stupid name that they are same from me. Perhaps they think that by being so awesomely bad on purpose, that I won’t bother to criticise their audience proof music. But seriously guys, red rag meet bull. They have named their new since Who’s […]

Taking The Temperature (OUT OF MY BRAIN)

Mon, 21 Jan 2008 17:12:27 +0000

I am not one to mock the afflicted, unless the afflicted are a) a wonky eyed singer* b) a one armed drummer c) a rhombus faced popstrel d) the blind – when the blind in question are Ray Charles or Stevie Wonder e) actually I’m probably going to run out of letters when I get […]

IHM Lyric Watch: Sugababes – Ugly

Thu, 03 Jan 2008 11:11:33 +0000

Yes I am back, and thank you for all your concern. I have been undercover in the Internet trying to destroy Radiohead’s In Rainbows from the inside. Unfortunately whilst in there I ran foul of the Master Control Program and lets just say I take corners a lot sharper now on my motorbike. Anyway, as […]


Fri, 12 Oct 2007 09:44:48 +0000

For obvious reasons I tend to avoid the Guardian on a Friday. Not only does it contain the Film and Music section, it has Beth Ditto’s advice column. I have a bit of advice for Beth Ditto myself actually – keep on eatin’ sister! Not only is your confidence and style an inspiration to plus-size […]

Tanya’s Music News Round Up!!!

Tue, 02 Oct 2007 12:41:40 +0000

In my never-ending battle against the evils of music, I occasionally come across allies who often are unaware of how helpful they are to me. Take the US Immigration services who have decided that The Pipettes are TOO DANGEROUS to be allowed into the US. Or at least mucked up their visa. This is the […]

Tanya’s Hot Date With… Sean Kingston

Tue, 25 Sep 2007 12:52:48 +0000

Online dating is a wonderful thing… SeanK35: Sensitive young man into eating, singing like a girl and the outdoors would like to meet an ugly girl, any age, any race just NOT BEAUTIFUL. TanyaIHM: Hi Seany, tell me more about yrself. I am in my early thirties and like relaxing, silent movies and the countryside […]

Tanya’s Who Do They Think They Are: 1: Robyn

Wed, 19 Sep 2007 12:25:37 +0000

Everyone knows that the hatchet faced Swede has not burst fully formed on to the UK pop scene with her number one hit “With Every Heartbeat”. Indeed she has been flogging the song for about a year, with the involvement of DJ Kleerup, who seems to have misunderstood the meaning of his own name by […]

Take A K Away: MIKA vs MIA (A Tanya Competition)

Wed, 22 Aug 2007 15:39:51 +0000

I got mail. Well a comment from someone calling him/herself TamilTyger after my comments about Mika’s probable blindness*: Dear Tanya, this is a bit of a cheap shot, even for you. Not to mention the fact that whilst that is a terrible cover, I cannot believe you did not notice the covers to MIA’s albums […]

What Album Covers Are Really Trying To Tell Us: 5: MIKA – Life In Cartoon Motion

Tue, 21 Aug 2007 10:16:42 +0000

Mika is a pop wunderkind isn’t he? Not content with “trying a little Freddie” in his intercontental balistic miss of a single Grace Kelly, he is now – er – trying a little Freddie in his Fat Bottom Girls rip “Big Girl (You Are Beautiful)”. Now I’m not a big girl, which means I should […]

IHM Health & Safety watch: THE WATERBOYS “The Whole Of The Moon”

Mon, 20 Aug 2007 16:56:33 +0000

Mike Scott was not a clever man. For instance, he seems unaware that all he has to do to see the whole of the moon, rather than a crescent, is wait a couple of weeks. However, the object of his affections in this song is perhaps even more stupid than him. The lyrics – while […]

Bible Of Badness Special: 1 Corinthians 15:55

Thu, 12 Jul 2007 12:16:25 +0000

Biblical scholars, have recently queried the standard translation of this particular part of the Bible. One of the more famous bits, this common exclamation was seen as a way of thundering against mortality, at challenging the heavens and claiming ones own manhood against the ages. All well and good during the period of the King […]

What Album Covers Are Really Trying To Tell Us: 4: Arcade Fire – Neon Bible

Wed, 04 Jul 2007 14:28:04 +0000

I set fire to an arcade once. Well, who could resist burning the leaping loons playing Dance Dance Revolution. I heard the thumping base of “You Can’t Touch This”, two synchronised robo-teens and all I could think of, whilst lighting my Molotov Cocktail was Die Die Revolution. Anyway, this deceptive album cover in full: Remind […]

They Are Coming For Our Kids

Wed, 27 Jun 2007 11:18:44 +0000

Why is pornography on the top shelf of a newsagents? Why are skin flicks on late at night? Why has Bob Dylan got a face that would scare off any babe-in-arms? SIMPLE: TO KEEP THIS SICK FILTH AWAY FROM OUR CHILDREN. I also used to think this was why they kept ABBA records on the […]

Tanya’s Army Of Awfulness: CAPTAIN BEEFHEART

Wed, 30 May 2007 10:55:43 +0000

Really. Do I have to write any words at all? Surely John Peel’s love for Don Van Vliet says it all. Surely the sunken hearts of every teenager who bought Trout Mask Replica in the belief it was the best album ever, only to realise it was a collection of sixth form poetry and farm […]

Tanya’s Army Of Awfulness: LIEUTENANT PIGEON

Tue, 15 May 2007 15:35:05 +0000

Ha ha, finally I get the jump on my arch-nemesis Tom Ewing and his music loving ways. Over on his tedious attempt to commit suicide / listen to every UK number one ever he is stuck in the hinterland on 1972. Possibly with the odd sequin between his teeth and losing the ability to spell […]

Tanya’s Army Of Awfulness: WARRANT (OFFICER) – Cherry Pie

Fri, 11 May 2007 15:55:18 +0000

“Damn fine Cherry Pie”. Such was Agent Smith’s catch phrase in David Lynch whacked-out-a-thon Twin Peaks. (A TV show responsible for not only Julee Cruise’s aural mogadon “Falling” but THE ENTIRITY OF MOBY’S CAREER – so Lynch is not on my Christmas card list). Clearly Agent Smith was talking about an actually Cherry Pie, and […]

Tanya’s Army Of Awfulness: XTC – SERGEANT ROCK

Tue, 01 May 2007 12:09:25 +0000

Actually the XTC single is called Sgt.Rock, where Sgt is the abbreviation for Sergeant. Which is not surprising for XTC, a band so poor at spelling that they could not spell their own name. Even the home counties numb-nutts that were EMF knew that Ecstacy starts with an E. Unless they were taking advice from […]

Tanya’s Army Of Awfulness: Carcass – CORPORAL JIGSORE QUANDARY

Fri, 27 Apr 2007 11:58:40 +0000

There are only two songs I could find that mentioned Corporals, and since my views on Pink Floyd seem adequately covered*, I would rather look at Carcass. Initially though I thought there would be little to say about the Napalm Death spin-off band which hasn’t been said here, or indeed is not said by the […]

Tanya’s Army Of Awfulness: PRIVATE DANCER

Wed, 25 Apr 2007 16:43:43 +0000

“God help us if there is a war”, my father used to say looking at Top Of The Pops on television. I could no hear him of course, as I had my fingers in my ears to protect them from the Saville peddled filth, but I could lip read and did not understand. God would […]


Fri, 20 Apr 2007 14:20:09 +0000

Friends of the busker men The View are in a spot of pickly bother, readers! They’ve lost their support band, The Horrors. I expect that the so-called Horrors realised what TRUE HORROR was after listening to the View soundcheck. Anyway, they’ve run away as fast as their skinny goth pins will carry them and the […]

The Theme Tune To Dad’s Army

Thu, 19 Apr 2007 09:44:48 +0000

“Who do you think you are kidding Mr Hitler” sings Bud Flanagan at the start of Dad’s Army. I think you’ll find that Herr Hitler was not “kidding” anyone, and was deadly serious about his attempted conquest of Europe. Indeed as statements in song about World War II this is almost as crass as “How […]

Not With The Beatles

Thu, 12 Apr 2007 16:04:51 +0000

Fifth Beatle Quits says BBC. It won’t surprise you to know that I think most musicians are a bit dim. But even I have to admit that they’re usually cleverer than the people working for them. “The man responsible for the Beatles’ business affairs has quit after more than 40 years with the band. Neil […]