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Rambling through adoption



Quite an interesting clan we are..... We have three biological sons, one adopted son, a seemingly never ending supply of foster sons and the wonders of all wonders... we are expecting our baby girl in March '08!! This blog is a place for us to get out our



Updated: 2015-09-16T10:28:54.698-07:00

 



I should know better

2009-01-21T18:54:50.998-08:00

I should know I shouln't have too much faith in habitual addicts (wait is that redundant?). Bears Birth mom relapsed within a week of graduating treatment. I was so damn proud of her. I thought of the two that SHE would be the one to remain on the straight and narrow. I assumed the birth dad would be the one to drop out of Bears life. He was screaming about relinquishing the first family team meeting, he missed months of visitation in the beginning. Now look at him he is doing AWESOME. Clean for almost a year now. Doing right, visiting his son etc. I can tell though he is SCARED to get his son back. I pray he doesn't sabbotage his efforts to get his son back.






One word...so many emotions

2008-11-13T12:59:00.502-08:00

The word? Well that word would be termination. Our little Bear's mom has relapsed again. Bear has been with us almost 18 months (since he was 3 months old). This last slip up seems to be the straw that broke DSHS's back! So as torn as I am, sad because it will be one more child they have lost but happy because Bear will no longer be put through the mess any more and we of course want him to be part of our family forever. Ugh I hate caring about people sometimes. I feel for his mom, she has gone through a lot but she is not getting the help she needs.
You know too if we adopt Bear we will shut our home down. Having DSHS out of our lives will be nice too



Former foster kiddo

2008-11-13T12:51:46.818-08:00

Out cutie little 5 year old is coming back next week. His dad needs to "take care of something" again so little man is coming back with us again. I am SO happy to be able to be a resource for him. He can at least be in a familiar place :)



The girls

2008-11-09T16:45:15.919-08:00

Well we have our homestudy in on the one girl out of CA. We have not heard anything yet but if we do well that means we are in the pool of potential parents for 'further consideration'.
the other girl was local, I got some further info on her and we were not scared away. Fetal Alcohol. Same stuff we deal with in Bear and the same effects with have with our AS. THAT we can deal with. It came out though she had some attachment difficulties. No way no how! After our experience with the two boys here RAD is NOT something I can deal with . I am in eternal awe of those who can deal with that though.



birth Moms

2008-11-09T16:40:02.355-08:00

Well I have a rant and a rave today I suppose. Our foster son Bear is now 20 months we have had him 17 out of those 20 months. His plan has been RU and remained RU all of this time. I have been friendly with the parents, no reason not to. Birth Mom had a relapse and it upset me. She got back into the swing of things and I was proud. Now in the span of what a few months? It has happened again. Why? I mean she was doing so well. I suppose I know why....addiction is a powerful thing. Who wants to bet it will be months more of letting the birth parents "work their plan" ? But birth dad is doing well enough and has not relapsed. Maybe Bear has some hope right?

Our adopted son. His birth mom is living back in the area. She has a young daughter and we have been taking baby steps to form a relationship. We are now emailing and she seems to be pretty damned level headed. So more baby steps and we will see how things go and hopefully she will be ok with being a part of our extended family. We have welcomed her father (Matt's biological grandfather) as a part of our lives even before the adoption and told him we would love it if he continued to be a part of our lives. He was the stable force in our guys life when things were in turmoil for him.

OK so there you go my birth mom experiences for the week haha.



Time keeps marching

2008-10-19T20:07:08.067-07:00

Well Dh is finally home. He has met our beautiful daughter. I will say she has him wrapped around her finger.
Our Bear....well parents are soon to head back to court and request overnight visits. Part of me is sad. Part of me is happy. I am hoping he goes back to his parents. Mom had her hmmm I guess I could say her lapse in judgement BUT she is back on the straight and narrow. They are accepting the fact that Bear has some sensory integration issues (that just came to light TODAY). they are good people who have not yet been able to get it together enough to parent one of their children. I think with our support as well as thier effort they may be able to do it this time!! Yeah yeah I am an optomist! So shoot me :p

We have out our homestudy in the ring to be considered for two little girls. Two separate children not a sibling group. I am hoping we hear back soon. Both seem like wonderful children though with their own issues of course. So now we wait. We would really like to adopt again.



update

2008-09-26T22:47:58.608-07:00

Well the child is on the way... oh yeah OOPS it is a girl HAHA They had the info wrong apparently



*yawn*

2008-09-26T22:32:07.058-07:00

Well I said yes to a late night weekend placement. All I know is I will have a 3 year old boy for the weekend. I tell you I get all the boys haha. I have never been in a position to say yes before. I liked being able to say sure this time. It is only for the weekend....but then again I have heard "just a few days" before. We are in month 16 with one of those few dayers haha
OK I am tired though and this kiddo isn't here yet. They need to hurry up or something :) I have soccer games tomorrow. And I will be much better with a few hours of sleep under my belt



sometimes I forget

2008-09-14T21:39:19.449-07:00

Sometimes I forget that our 6 year old came from a 'not so wonderful past'. Yet today he reminded me twice.
We were talking about a friend of his. The topic of Dads came up and he asked about his birthdad (for the first time in a long time if ever). He said he hoped to see him sometime soon. I explained to him that his birthdad was still making choices that were not safe. He asked what his birthdad was doing. Since he knows (in a general sense) about drugs and excessive drinking. I explained he was still fighting his problems with those. And he said "how long has he faught them? Since he was a kid?" I said yes pretty much. He said he has to get tougher so he can win finally LOL that was great logic for him. After that he didn't ask more though.

Then I made a late dinner tonight. He came to me and said "there is a weird thing going on in my tummy!" I asked what he said "it is making noises! I think I am hungry. I have never had that feeling here before" It made me sad to think about the fact he has EVER felt hungy anywhere before.



Can you at least be happy?

2008-09-10T15:47:36.652-07:00

Bear's therapies are going well. Up to three in home appointments a week. This past week has been filled with some significant gains. I try to tell the parents and I get a shrug. They say he isn't old enough to be evaluated and that he is just slow at developing. I understand developing at a different rate. But there are some HUGE red flags. I want them to share in my joy about their son but I don't see it happening.



Successes and doubts

2008-09-04T22:17:13.813-07:00

In a year and a half of fostering I had my FIRST child return home to a parent. The 5 y/o left today to return home. I am so happy for him and his dad. I will miss him a lot though.
Bear... oh sweet Bear. Yes he is still here. Bio mom had a BIG bump in the road. it has created more feelings of distaste for 'the system' for me. Bear is now finally getting the help I have insisted he needs. After his assesment, therapies are in place. three in home appointments A WEEK. Oh man. But I am hopeful it helps. He is already making strides. The parents seem disinterested in the therapies or his milestones. Insisting it is too early for there to be any actual delays. Having raised a few children through this age/stage there is something wrong I can tell you he needs the extra assistance. A concern has been expressed about his RU since he is so bonded and used to many siblings. But we all know that will not get us too far. Recomendations only go so far unfortunately. I just wish that after 15+ months we knew where things were going *insert big sigh here*



he is

2008-07-03T22:30:28.626-07:00

a good enough kiddo. I will call him Cam. Well Cam is a cute kid. He is not overly affectionate and not too standoffish either. I got him to smile and laugh a few times. The poor guy really misses his dad. Dad made promises to the kiddo that he would be back hom by Friday. Seeing as how tomorrow is Friday and the shelter hearing isn't until Monday.....I forsee a meltdown. He has a visit with biomom toomorrow. The visit supervisor called me and she was genuinely concerned about how Cam was holding up and she let me know she would be here to pick him up tomorrow. I heard about how poor Cam used to be picked on and everything. Poor kiddo.
I am wondering if he will be bounced back next week or not. This was to be quite temporary but the more I hear... however the system does not cease to amaze me some times.

on another note I got the bios of a pair of girls who needed an adoptive placement. Wow so not a match for our family. It is hard though... to say no and never be sure what happens with them,



What is wrong with the system

2008-07-02T16:12:51.280-07:00

A little boy is on his way here. He is 5 a little delayed but no problems (Time will tell if it is true ;) ) He has been in placement 4 times in the last year each time returned to his parents each time back in care. This time no different. When is enough enough?



I love that kid

2008-05-17T18:54:53.486-07:00

We were in this horendous line the other day. I was chatting up the ladies in front of and behind me in line. Strange coinkydink our husbands are all in the same strike group and deployed togetherWeird how that happened. Anyway My 3 y/o made fast friends with the boy behind us (he was 4) in line. It was so cute they found some ants and the both got on the ground and looked at the ants chatting away like they had always known each other.
The other ladies commented on how the world we be such a better place if adults acted the way kids do when it comes to friendships.
We finally got out of there and DS and I were talking later and I asked if he had fun with his friend. He looked at me and said he had lots of fun with his BROTHER hahaha. Foster care has made it to where every boy is his brother now :) I think it is cute



For you mothers

2008-05-11T19:02:51.621-07:00

No matter how you came about being a mother. If they are your birth, adopted, foster or fur babies...or heck even a signifigant other who acts like a child.... haha HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY



to clarify

2008-05-08T07:52:01.776-07:00

especially for those who like to be rude to further their agenda and website. NO I am not mentally unstable, a bit off as we all are, but not unstable. No I have not accidently breastfed a foster child nor would I ever. With a newborn and the late night feedings the half asleep mind does play tricks on you. That was the point of the post.



you know you are a foster parent when..

2008-05-07T23:06:08.184-07:00

In the middle of the night in a half conscious state when you go to breastfeed your own daughter and you get a momentary panic thought of "OMG why am I breastfeeding my foster child" It is that sleep confusion...a double confusion hahah sleepy thinking I was sleepy trying to breastfeed a foster oy all too confusing



it only took a year (almost)

2008-05-06T15:48:26.053-07:00

Well Bear is just one month shy of being here a year. Actually him and Liam both (they arrived w/in a couple of days of each other). Finally after months of half-assing through their case plan. Mom and dad of Bear seem to be pulling it together. Right before the state was set to file the TPR papers @ 12 months. BUT they ARE doing their services and he may go back with them. It will not be for another 6 months probably. And this is only IF they stay on track in getting their services completed. BUT the fact is that while I am happy for their family I am sad for ours.
A lot can happen in six months though. I am actually rooting for this family. I have been through most of it. With the occasional DO SOMETHING frustration. Getting 'down to' five chilren will be nice but as weird as it sounds it will be rather empty here.



Less than a year

2008-04-27T22:48:55.711-07:00

It has been less than a year since our adoptive placement came to live with us. He knew little. Not his alphabet, counting to 10 was not something he could do, he couldn't spell his name etc. Here we are 10 months later......He can count until we tell him to stop he will count FOREVER if we let him haha. He knows his alphabet, he can spell and write his whole name and he is beginning to READ!!! You have no idea how proud of him I am!
He has started to expand his horizons when it comes to eating different foods. He eats a variety of fruits and veggies now. he knows that dinner doesn't come from the freezer and veggies don't come from only a can.
It is amazing the strides that a child can make in such a short time.



She's back

2008-04-20T19:59:05.813-07:00

Well my sons birthmom is back in town. She was back East in jail. Got out, moved closer, which was still a bit close. Then I learned she moved again back into our area. A bit too close in some respects. I haven't had to deal with this through the whole process the bio dad was in jail popped into the picture for a total of one phone call to the adoption worker and dropped into the abyss again. The bio mom, well not much from her except the one letter and heck it was nice enough. What happens when she asks to see him? Or 'happens' to go by her fathers house (we allow him and our son to have visits). This kid is FINALLY gatting over, more finally coping with the trauma of losing his last foster adopt family.
I will sit back and wait to see what she does for now. I gauge my next step. She still has her daughter with her which is a positive. I may get to the point where I will meet her for coffee or soething one day. I have a positive relationship with my foster sons mother. I hope I can eventually have the same with her right? Eventually



RSV headache

2008-04-01T12:00:15.872-07:00

apparently as soon as I dropped him off Bear started to get sick. Apparently he got fairly sick fairly quick and ultimately ended up with the diagnosis of RSV. So he was out of our home an extra week. The boy STILL sounds like death warmed over. ALL of the boys in the house got some upper respiratory thing last week. So I think it is simply 'going around'.
I am praying our newborn escapes getting it. I can hope the miracle of breastfeeding will shine through and she will get all the immunities she needs.



See you all soon

2008-03-13T06:05:53.237-07:00

As I have been boring everyone with on Gina's Ramblings, our baby will be arriving very soon. As in tomorrow.
I got respite care for Bear set up early (I love how much she works with me on this!) So Ihave to pack his bag today. I packed DH's bag for his deployment last night. Yeah do the mental math there... even early he will miss the birth of his daughter. LeSigh



She's got Leeeeeegggsssss and

2008-03-13T06:01:23.107-07:00

she knows how to sell them. You all have heard me chat about my friend Baggage and her adventures, misadventures? haha in foster care and adoption. Well she is running a contest on her site to promote BugLegs
You can check out my post about it on Gina's Ramblings



Oh Mav

2008-03-10T22:13:18.441-07:00

The placement they found for him was a temporary placement on a trial basis. It didn't last the weekend before they called to have him removed. Dangit!!! It is so upsetting for me.
Mav's football coach, we know he was a co-worker of DH's. We got him and Mav back together, he is a great mentor. He may be staying there for awhile with his coach. But this whole thing has me ticked off. I hate that it feels like I failed him. And now it seems like it is the beginning for the 'follow the bouncing ball' bouncing of foster placements!
I am angry at the system, angry at family situations and family actions all around. How much of this could have been avoided LONG LONG ago had the first parent done things closer to right you know? The system fails these kids. Heck Mavs coach could have been involved from the DAY Mav was removed but no one returned his call!! We were the third placement he blew through his fourth placement in a couple of days.
I am glad we know these people and glad that we offered to stay in touch. We talked to the new possible placements as friends and were brutally honest. We encouraged them to read up on RAD. they know us our parenting styles and our children. So I hope they take it all seriously.