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Preview: equivocality


Teacher of the heart.

Last Build Date: Wed, 17 Jan 2018 16:19:40 +0000


almost like the blues

Sun, 07 Jan 2018 20:39:17 +0000

Now in the dark world where I dwell, ugly things, and surprising things, and sometimes little wondrous things, spill out in me constantly, and I can count on nothing. —Philip K. Dick Winter has traditionally been a difficult time. In my youth, the holidays were filled with family gatherings where I never found my place1. […]

keeping the rage tender

Thu, 05 Oct 2017 10:36:50 +0000

Fall has fallen, and I was ready. I was waiting. I was trapped for months on end, when my body wouldn’t cooperate or anxiety got the better of me. Even hearing Townes Van Zandt sing to me about snow in Raton was enough to make me miss winter again. I’d live vicariously in any form […]

Six Feet Deep

Tue, 12 Sep 2017 21:57:46 +0000

WARNING: Massive spoilers ahead. An old girlfriend introduced me to Six Feet Under more than a decade ago, but it turned into such a grind that I managed to finish the series only last week. There’s a lot of complex drama without stability to balance it out, a lot more tension than resolution. One of […]

can we speak in flowers?

Sun, 30 Jul 2017 15:11:18 +0000

Tiana recently shared this great article with me. It’s written as a guide for personal growth within one’s relationships, but I find myself well familiar with the concepts it covers; being accountable, empathetic, grateful, introspective, and responsible are all things that tend to come naturally to me. I’ve also been actively working on (or struggling […]

to drink all damage into love

Wed, 21 Jun 2017 20:54:45 +0000

My three-year anniversary with Heather came and went without fanfare or ceremony (or even notice, on my part). Our time together went by in a blink; being chronically single for me, and trapped in an abusive relationship for her, made the three years prior to that feel like an eternity by comparison for each of […]

whales in the bodies of tiny fish

Fri, 02 Jun 2017 12:44:02 +0000

It’s been months since I had an appointment with my therapist. I’ve needed the time to work on myself before making further progress with him; a sign that I’m at a point where there’s a sense of direction, instead of relentless confusion and dread. Now it’s a matter of absorbing the concepts I should know […]

escape artist

Thu, 04 May 2017 15:01:54 +0000

“Suzanne is forty years old and has never had a close relationship. She spends most of her spare time reading books and browsing the web. Suzanne is most comfortable with casual, friendly relationships where nothing very personal is discussed. Suzanne is married to a man who is out of touch with his feelings. He’s more […]

consider this place

Fri, 24 Feb 2017 14:55:11 +0000

It’s getting harder to write. Not that the spirit is unwilling, although that was the case for years, when the things I needed to talk about most were the exact things I needed distance from. At this point, the flesh isn’t even that weak1, but a lack of certainty in which to ground my perspectives […]

eight lives left

Fri, 23 Dec 2016 12:44:50 +0000

A little while ago, Byron stopped holding down his meals, and we’d consistently find chicken parts scattered about the house shortly after he ate. A visit to the vet, along with the usual blood tests, came up empty. It was only an x-ray at the ER that showed a small object lodged at the start […]


Thu, 08 Dec 2016 15:45:47 +0000

It’s taken me a generous distance, as well as a healthy break from the pain, to realize I don’t understand what my mom thought of me. In my earliest years, I believed she loved me, cause none of her demands were unreasonable. After all, children are often helpless and don’t even know what’s best for […]