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Preview: Nashville Knucklehead

Nashville Knucklehead



It takes a village. And I proclaim myself to be this particular village's idiot. I am the all-powerful Knuck L. Head!



Updated: 2016-04-05T06:03:13.795-05:00

 



Adios

2008-04-04T19:02:04.207-05:00

I'm done.

Thanks for coming by.

-- Jim



Geography Lesson

2008-03-23T13:37:39.454-05:00

If you've ever driven anywhere around these parts, you've seen the "See Rock City" birdhouses and barns and signs all up and down the highways in the South. And you probably know that Rock City is on Lookout Mountain in beautiful Chattanooga, Tennessee. So Rock City is one of Tennessee's most famous tourist attractions, right? Wrong.

Rock City is in Georgia by 1/2 a mile. I am heartbroken.

Maybe we can trade them some water for it.



Biz Card Update

2008-03-18T15:26:23.183-05:00

I think it's time to update my business cards. Something more like this:
(image)



Big Brother and the Insurance Company

2008-03-14T09:04:17.859-05:00

When I first started blogging I was anonymous. The reason was I was telling true stories about my life, and I didn't want any crazy ex-girlfriends to show up at my door with a shotgun or a kid they claimed was mine. Then I opened a restaurant and lost my anonymity. These days, with all the social networking I do for both work and personal purposes, I'm pretty easy to find.

I have been shopping for car insurance lately. I got several online quotes. I spent about 30 minutes on the phone with a very nice lady at Progressive Insurance. I haven't got a new car yet, so I haven't picked out my insurance yet.

Well, I logged onto my LinkedIn account today and noticed that there was a bump in the people who looked at my profile. Well looky there, I'm suddenly a person of interest from people in the Insurance industry, including a person in Customer Service at Progressive.

So why are they Googling me? Is it curiosity? Due Diligence? Racial profiling? I don't know. It's just a little creepy.

If you are here because I'm inquiring about buying insurance from your company, you really ought to hear the story about the time I got shit-faced drunk and stole a police car and crashed it through the window of a daycare, killing hundreds of toddlers. To read that story, click here.




A Serious Look at International Politics

2008-03-09T11:40:10.006-05:00

Do you know who this is?
(image)

Not sure? Here's another one.
(image)

Ok, here's one more hint:
(image)

That's right! It's the First Lady of France! It's the French Laura Bush. See the happy couple:
(image)

I guess there really is something to the old adage that power is an aphrodisiac. Or, to put it another way: "That dude is tappin' that?!?!"

Attention all single Italian heiress supermodels. I'm a Vice President. I've got a business card to prove it.

On an unrelated note, the buzz around Washington is that Bill Clinton is lobbying hard for the Ambassadorship in Paris.



SXSW

2008-03-06T10:03:53.591-06:00

Techies and Musicians are all abuzz about the South by Southwest (SXSW) conference going on in Austin. In 1987, I was in a band called The Cartoons that was pretty popular in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area, especially in our hometown of Denton, Texas. We were contacted about playing at the first SXSW conference.

"Just another music festival that wants us to play for free," was our attitude. We declined. We assumed that SXSW would fizzle out after a year or two, as most of those things did. I guess we was wrong.



The Answer is No.

2008-03-05T18:44:59.243-06:00

Dear Spammers,
The answer is no. I have not always been teased about my tiny pecker.

Interpret that as you wish.



Is America Ready?

2008-02-22T10:40:48.867-06:00

Overheard phone conversation:

Dad, he's not going to win. The Democrats may be ready to vote for a black man, but have you seen his family? His kids are cute and all, but America is not ready to put an entire black family into the White House.



You Say It's Your Birthday . . .

2008-02-20T10:00:09.205-06:00

Dearest Daughter,

They say the internet is forever, and it is possible that you'll stumble across this when you are a grown-up person. You may not want to continue reading if you find yourself as an adult with any "issues" about your upbringing.

I sent a small fortune to your mother to pay for half of some Nintendo thing. But since that thing is going to be at her house, it doesn't count. Because at seven, it's all about how much you rake in for having an anniversary of the day of your birth. The booty. The spoils. the riches.

I got nothing for you. So here's what I'm going to do. On the way to pick you up at school today, I'm going to stop in a WalMart or Target or some other crappy, soulless corporate big box store and grab a bunch of crap made in China and throw some gift bags and tissue paper in the cart and pay for it and put it all together in the parking lot. The whole process is going to take less than 10 minutes.

It's not that I'm not thoughtful, it's that you're seven. It doesn't matter what I get, it's going to end up at the bottom of your closet in two days. My job is to teach you the important things in life, like golf course etiquette and a love of football and an appreciation for sarcasm and the proper timing of a punch line. You'll lose interest in some kind of Polly Pocket Animal Care Center in no time. Learning to be a total smart-ass just like dear old dad will last a lifetime.

Happy birthday.



Cuban Strategery

2008-02-19T08:32:58.054-06:00

This is a great day in U.S. Foreign policy! Castro is stepping down! The embargo worked! Eisenhower was right! And nobody got antsy, and it worked!! Way to go Kennedy and Johnson and Nixon and Ford and Carter and Reagan and Bush and Clinton and Bush!! The fact that you avoided a knee-jerk reaction really paid off!!!!!!!!

See, you don't have to invade every country that's headed by an evil despot! Just wait them out. Forty-eight years or so.

(I'll tell you who needs to be nervous, and that's the Bahamians. My guess is that within five years, 75% of the American tourist dollars that are going to the Bahamas will end up in Cuba.)



We are the hurl

2008-02-16T17:07:20.098-06:00

Did I ever tell the one about the time I was in the showband on a cruise ship and on the last night of the cruise all the entertainers for the week got on stage and we did "We Are The World" and I threw up on stage in a trash can right at the big key change at the end, but I didn't miss a note?

No?

Someday, I'll tell that one.



I Think She Likes Me

2008-02-09T15:41:36.237-06:00

Inside my head at the Green Hills Kroger:

DAMN! Lord have mercy, she is HOT!!!

She sees me, uh . . . , looking at her and gives me a polite smile. I give her the dumbass dope-nod.

Oh, yeah. I guess that's one reason why Vince Gill married her.

(image)
Stop staring at me, you freak!



Patrick Rocks

2008-02-09T09:13:55.932-06:00

Those of you who don't have children of a certain age are missing out on some pretty good pop culture. To wit, Patrick rocking the Simmons Drums, 80s style.

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Naked Twister

2008-02-06T09:08:15.393-06:00

I hardly ever remember my dreams. And if I'm reading someone's blog and they start talking about a dream, I go on about my merry way without reading.

However, two nights ago I had a major tornado dream. The sky looked like the sky toward the end of the Wizard of Oz, except instead of flying monkeys, the sky was full of tornadoes of all sizes. And I was running from shelter to ditch with several folks, playing dodge the next twister.

Last night, a sky full of tornadoes hit Tennessee. As I was laying awake last night at 2 a.m., listening to the tornado sirens wailing and the winds howling and the thunder booming, all I was concerned about was the fact that I was naked. I wondered if I should get up and put on some sweatpants or something, because if a twister came and blew up the house, I didn't think it would be appropriate to be wandering around the neighborhood in the nude.

Then it occurred to me that there wouldn't be any wandering. If a tornado blew up the house, it would take me out with it. And I thought that would be appropriate, to leave the world the same way I came into it.

So I've decided that if I start to experience chest pains and numbness in my arm, my courses of action will be to take an aspirin, call 911 and take off all my clothes.

I hope that doesn't happen in an important business meeting.



New Favorite Song

2008-01-10T15:34:08.466-06:00

This song was released in 1971 by The Holy Modal Rounders. I can't believe I had never heard it until today. This is quite possibly the most beautiful song ever written.



Today's Nashville Celebrity Conversation

2008-01-08T13:24:06.390-06:00

Scene: The buffet at Sitar Indian restaurant on 21st and Hayes.

Michael McDonald: "Oh, excuse me."

Me: "No problem."

(For the record, he was getting a bowl of that classic authentic Indian dessert, red Jello.)

(image)
"I like Jello!"



Shopping Again

2008-01-06T13:06:29.171-06:00

I am having a couple of people over for the Titans game today. I went to the store this morning and got a bunch of stuff to make white chicken chili, which needs to cook for a few hours. But, while I was at the store I couldn't buy beer for the game because the government thinks I should be in church and they won't let me buy beer before noon on Sunday. So now I have to go back to the store again, because it is after noon and I am now allowed to buy beer.

Thanks, government!



Home Run Throwback

2008-01-05T15:53:26.500-06:00

Home Run Throwback is the play call for the following video.

Not that I think the Titans need a miracle tomorrow against the Chargers or anything. It will be seven years and one day, though. Just sayin'.

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Iraq Blogger Killed

2008-01-04T15:40:29.748-06:00

I don't write on my blogs much anymore. but I still love the whole concept and the power behind it. The power to be heard. An American blogger in the Iraq war, Andrew Olmstead, was killed yesterday. He wrote a post to be published if that happened. Whatever you think about the war, you should read this.



Playoff Bound

2008-01-04T10:11:40.967-06:00

Some thoughts (off the top of my head) on Sunday's playoff game, Titans V Chargers, 3:30 Central (God's time), on Sunday.

Roydell Williams broke his ankle in practice yesterday. What are we talking about? We're talking about PRACTICE, man! He has been the leading receiver this year. Bo Scaife is out. He's been the second leading receiver this year. We're relying on guys like Troupe and Ealy and Gage and Moulds. You know, the slow guys who drop a lot of passes. My prediction: LenDale left. LenDale Right. LenDale middle. Repeat.

Some (Merrill Hoge) are saying Kerry Collins should play because he had a good game against Indy's scrubs who were laying down anyway. Vince Young has struggled all year. He's also 17-11 as a pro. If you think Fisher is going to sit him when he is able to play, you've lost your mind.

The Chargers will have very little home field advantage. It is forecast to rain on Sunday. I used to have a job where I went to San Diego every Thursday. From my experience, it is 72 and sunny every day there. The game isn't even sold out yet, the league had to give the team and extension on the blackout. Nobody in SoCal wants to sully the Jag for a football game. Plus, nobody there has heard of this mythical place, "Tennessee." Look for the crowd to be thin and apathetic, compared to other playoff atmospheres.

The Titans' injuries are mostly on offense. The reason we won 10 games this year is because of the defense. Look for Philip Rivers to actually start to cry midway through the third quarter, when he takes his second safety. Bring on Volek.

Prediction: Titans 4, Chargers 0.



Google 'em

2008-01-03T12:11:26.549-06:00

The great thing about this internet thing, is when someone from your past pops into your mind for whatever reason, you can just Google 'em to see if they've done anything Google-worthy, and perhaps even re-connect with them. I've found old friends from college, but not anyone farther back than that.

I thought of a guy I sorta knew in Junior High the other day. I Googled him. He became fairly famous in his field. He's also been dead for 10 years.

So much for that tearful reunion.



Signs, Signs, Everywhere a Signs

2008-01-02T19:25:57.436-06:00

NFL Refs started using microphones to call penalties in 1975. College followed soon after. Why do they still insist on using their sign language, over 30 years later?



Rules are Rules

2008-01-02T10:06:13.623-06:00

(image)
Even in the strip club.



Useless Trivia

2008-01-01T18:28:17.364-06:00

(image)
Stewardesses is the longest word in the English language that you type entirely with your left hand.

Sarcastro comes close to making a run for second, until the last o.



College Football

2008-01-01T15:30:33.006-06:00

There is a lot of college football going on this week. If I had but one wish, it would be that whoever thought of arranging the opening riff of Black Sabbath's "Iron Man" for marching band then sold his arrangement to every college marching band in the country, hadn't done so.