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Preview: Rattling Bones Undead Musician Magazine

Rattling Bones Undead Musician Magazine

All the news from the Netherworld about the hottest Undead Rock musicians. And Death Cheese too. Like someone threw a bunch of fictional multiverses into a Hadron collider and hit "pulverize." All set to a kick-ass soundtrack. You won't believe your eyes

Updated: 2016-05-05T08:41:34.049-06:00


The Hazy History of Cie and Mal: An Incident Outside Ulthar


Image SourceIn the Dreamland city of Ulthar, the cats reign supreme. They will help those with sympathetic souls, but woe betide anyone who attempts to harm a cat.Will Mal be able to help Cie, or will the horrors of his own situation overwhelm him?The Hazy History of Cie and Mal:An Incident Outside UltharbySexy SadieThis event takes place on November 21, 2014Bon and Malcolm found Cie sitting in on the outskirts of Ulthar near the bridge over the river Skai. A pair of cats, one a white tom with umber eyes, the other an exquisite black queen with eyes of the same color, sat one to each side of the unhappy woman. An empty bottle of Hestpyss lay broken on the cobblestones, spilling the last few drops of its malevolent contents.“Go talk to her,” Bon ordered Malcolm.“Yer comin’ with me, right?”“I’ll be over here near the trees. Quit bein’ a chicken shit.”“Oi!”“Mal, I’ve seen you stand up to blokes twice your size. You ain’t a coward when it comes to the possibility that you might get taken apart physically, but when it comes to tellin’ a very sensitive bird who is evidently utterly smitten with you that you’re fond of her, well, you’ve got a yella streak up your back wide as me hand. Why is that?”“Because I’m afraid of screwin’ things up and hurtin’ both her and me. Fuck’s sake, Bon, she’s so fragile, and…well, honestly, so am I. I never expected to be in this position again. To be perfectly honest, I sure as fuck never expected me brain to be turnin’ into a feckin’ Swiss cheese. What the fuck…”Malcolm turned away, his eyes filling with tears.“What the fuck could she possibly want with a broken, dying bastard who’s fuckin’ scared to death?”“Why don’t you ask her that? Now, I can’t promise she won’t hurl on you again after drinkin’ that swill, but…”“Fuckin’ hell, I don’t care about that. Arite, I’ll do it. I’ll lay it on the line. Been stringin’ her along for long enough. She deserves that much consideration.”Malcolm slunk out of the shadows and slowly approached the Cheesemeister.“Cie, you oughtn’t be comin’ to the Dreamlands in your body,” he admonished. “I’m sure you know that.”“What do you care?” Cie groaned, rubbing her temples.“C’mon, let’s get you back to the Netherworld Hotel so’s I can help you get rid of that headache. I’ve a wee bit of knowledge how to deal with hangovers. Unfortunately, my go-to was generally to drink more of the hair of the dog that bit me on the arse in the first place, so I’d suggest we not use that method.”“What method would you suggest?”Malcolm positioned himself behind Cie and began gently massaging her shoulders and neck. “I’d suggest you relax. Your neck and shoulder muscles are really tight, and that’s makin’ the headache worse. Then I’ll bring you a nice cup of herbal tea and a good breakfast, which you’ll eat nice and slow. And then, Sweetheart…”Malcolm gently kissed the back of Cie’s head. She heard his voice break as he began to speak again.“And then you’ll sleep, and I’ll watch over you.”“Mal…”“No, please, don’t look at me. I don’t want you to see me like this.”“I won’t look. Just don’t run away again. I want to help you. I can’t help you if you run away. Please, tell me what you need.”“What I need ain’t you or no-one else can give me.”“You’re right. I can’t give you your life back. But I can give you someone to talk to. Look, I know you’ve been taught that men don’t cry, but I don’t think you’re less of a man for crying. Mal, what’s happening to you is beyond horrible. Please, don’t be ashamed of your tears.”“Oh please, God, please, I just want…what the fuck did I ever do that was so horrible that I could deserve somethin’ like this?”Defying Malcolm’s admonition, Cie turned to see him crumpled on the ground, heart-wrenching sobs wracking his tiny body. Saying nothing, she scooped him into her strong arms and held him against her as her tears began to flow. His face was hid[...]

The Hazy History of Cie and Mal: Bon's Bright Idea


Image by Natalia SoleilNatalia and Soleil are among the hard-rocking Succubi hoping to grab a piece of Malcolm Young's tailFortunately or unfortunately, Bon Scott has a brilliant idea to put the lusty infernal ladies off Malcolm's scentThe Hazy History of Cie and Mal:Bon's Bright IdeabySexy SadieThis event takes place on November 20, 2014“Oh, Malcolm, you’re so sexy!”“Let me be your little lover, Baby!”“Malcolm, Sugar, you’re such a treat!”“Come play with us, Malcolm!”“Yes, come have some love at first feel. We’ll make you feel good!”“Once you go Succubus, you never go back!”“Shite,” Malcolm Young sighed. “It’s them succubi again. Y’know, when I was twenty years old, this would have been a dream come true. At this point, it’s a feckin’ nightmare!”“Mate, just go out there and blow ‘em a kiss,” Bon Scott suggested.“Yeah, that’s a brilliant idear, Bon. Why don’t I just add fuel to a fire I’d rather put out? What the fuck do they want with me anyway? I ain’t exactly good looking and I sure as hell ain’t tall or muscular.”“It’s the innocent thing that gets ‘em goin’, Mal. You seem innocent. Just kinda makes them lovely infernal lasses wanna teach you some lessons in love, y’know.”“This place really is hell, innit? First I get some crazy bird throwin’ her knickers on me head. Then I get sent some perverted fan fiction sent to me that embarrasses me so bad it makes me flicker in and out like a wonky light bulb. Now I got a bunch of succubusses wantin’ to do pervy things to me, and fer the icing on the cake, you go and say some shite that makes me wanna puke.”“Y’know, I really don’t know what you’re so worried about. It ain’t like you’ve gotta actually fuck ‘em. Just go out there, blow ‘em a kiss, then tell ‘em you’re busy. They’ll be happy to be acknowledged. It ain’t nothin’ more than a bandaid, but it will give us time to figure out a better strategy.”“Yeah, arite, I guess I can do that. But you best be ready to pull me back inside. They can fly and stuff, and if they decide to come up here on the balcony and rip me feckin’ clothes off, I ain’t gonna be a happy camper.”“Well, if they do that, just tell ‘em you and me are together.”“Like together-together?”“Yeah. What other kind of together would I mean?”Malcolm gave Bon a sideways glance and sidled away from his old chum.“Don’t flatter yourself, Mate,” Bon sighed. “I don’t mean I actually want to be together-together with you. I’m just givin’ you an out so’s you can get rid of them randy infernal ladies.”“Arite, I’ll keep it in mind as a last ditch option,” Malcolm agreed.“’Course you did French kiss me arm, so that’s gotta mean something,” Bon teased.“Probably means your arm smells like fish and chips,” Malcolm shot back. “Arite, I’ll get out there on the balcony and wave hello to them horny hellhounds. Then if they keep up their catcallin’, you come out here and put your arm around me shoulders, and I’ll tell ‘em you and me are an item. Why do I have the feeling this is gonna backfire big time?”“You worry too much, Mal,” Bon declared. “This plan is foolproof!”“’Kay, then let’s just go out there and announce our love and devotion from the get-go. I ain’t any good at flirting, and I want them to get outta here so’s we can write some songs and I can figure out how I’m gonna let Cie know once and for all that I hope she’ll take a chance on me and give it a try, ‘cause I can’t fuckin’ get her off my mind.”“Fine. But I expect a real ring, not some cheap trinket from a bubble gum machine.”“Fuck you. Let’s get this over with.”Bon and Malcolm walked out onto the balcony, arm in arm.“Oi, Ladies!” Malcolm called, but his voice was too quiet for them to hear.“Hello, glorious succubi!” Bon boomed. “C’mon, bring it down a notch, right? Mal here has something he wants to say, don’t you, Gorgeous?”“Don’t overdo it, ya[...]

Nightmare Rescue


Image by Forgotten OnesDwayne Hicks II's Nightmare Team may be second to none...Image by Kiartiabut Charlie Horse is one of a kindYour reporter pantomimes riding a horseNightmare RescuebyWilly DarkstarPrompt Used:Daily AU"It's pouring rain and I saw you pulled over under an overpass in just a white t shirt that's already soaked through, and you look cold do you want a ride?"This adventure takes place on November 19, 2014Malcolm Young was glad that he'd come to the Hicks homestead in Ruralia County. In spite of the pain they'd suffered during their lifetimes, Dwayne Hicks II and his wife Aferdita were positive souls. It wasn't a Pollyanna positivity; it was the sort of honest wisdom that Malcolm could relate to. Malcolm was about to ask Aferdita if she had any advice regarding his almost romance with Cie Cheesemeister, when suddenly there was a clap of thunder so loud it threatened to split the sky open."Dwayne, we-uns better get out there an' look fer Miss Cie," Aferdita postulated, a concerned look on her face. "She done rode off on ole Charlie, an'...""Say no more, Dita, I'm on it," Dwayne II declared. "Pore ole Charlie is as useful in a downpour as a quilt is agin' bullets.""Why do you say that, Sergeant Major Hicks?" Malcolm asked."'Cause that dang night horse is scairt of the rain, an' don't call me Sergeant Major," Dwayne II admonished. "My military days are long over. I'm jest plain ole Dwayne.""Is Cie in danger? Oi, I'm comin' with ya!""Mal, maybe you oughta let Mr. Dwayne handle this," Bon Scott suggested. "You ain't exactly an expert on horses. Fact is, you'd probably just get in the way.""Shut up, Bon. I'll stay out of the way, and if he needs help, I'll be there to help.""Arite, I'll come too. In case you need help with your helpin', y'know.""I'll ride along," I said. "Old Charlie is a Xenomorph hybrid from one of the Kronos mining colonies. I ought to be able to calm him."Dwayne II hooked the nightmare team to a tricked-out stagecoach, and Malcolm and Bon climbed into the back with Aferdita. I hopped on a giant black steed, and we were off to find The Cheesemeister and Old Charlie.With the keen sense of smell of the nightmare team and myself, we found The Cheesemeister and Charlie under the West Elysium Overpass. Every time the thunder cracked, Charlie would whinny in terror, and the shivering Cheesemeister would try in vain to calm him."Oi, she's gonna get stomped or somethin'!" a worried Malcolm expounded. "Cie, hang on, I'm comin'!""Hope he don't scare that horse more than it's already scared," Bon postulated."Here, Darlin', take this blanket," Aferdita said. "You can put it over his eyes."As Malcolm ran towards Cie and Charlie, Bon suddenly threw a blanket over his head."What the fuck?" Malcolm demanded."I meant the horse's eyes, Dearie," Aferdita explained as she ran past."Oh. Sorry about that, Mal.""Yeah, me too. Sorry yer a feckin' idiot, that is. Give me that thing! Oi, just look at her! Ain't wearin' nothin' but a white t-shirt, and I mean nothin' but, and, aw fuck's sake! At this rate, St. Finger is gonna come down from Heaven and point his peter at me, and then where will I be? I'm tryin' not to stare, but, y'know, it's a tit bit nipply out here, ain't it, and she's so boobiful...I mean cold! I mean, obviously she's cold, y'know. This sudden rain got the breast of her.""Mal, why don't you give her this blanket? Then she can cover up her distracting lady lumps and you can quit obsessing on 'em.""Oi, what are you doin' noticin' her bosom, ya pervert?" Malcolm demanded, swatting Bon on the arm. "I swear, you don't never think about nothin' but sex! Give me that blanket! I'm gonna wrap my sweet innocent Cie and her ample bust up in it so's she won't catch pneumonia again.""I think that's what I suggested," Bon sighed. "I try to be a good wingman, but half the time I get abused for my valiant efforts.""Honey, he appreciates you," Aferdita said gently. "He's such a sad, lost little fella, but when you're around, he really perks up.""Hopefully n[...]

The Hazy History of Cie and Mal: Demonus Interruptus


The hawt fantasyImage SourceThe slobbery realityThe Hazy History of Cie and Mal:Demonus InterruptusbyA Fungus From YuggothThis event takes place on November 18, 2014"Oi, Cie, Darlin'! Watch, and I'll juggle me balls fer ya!""Wha...?" a flummoxed Cie Cheesemeister murmured, struck speechless as the vision of a shirtless Malcolm Young stood before her on a green field, a set of silver balls in his hand. "I mean, ohhhh...."The day was impossibly bright. Cie could hardly see Malcolm through the glare from the sun, but she could look at nothing else. Suddenly, she was splashed by a wave after wave of slimy water."Ewwwwwwww!!!!!" Cie shrieked as she was snapped back to the reality of a demon soldier's corpulent green hell-beast licking her face."Watch out where yer goin', Mate!" Malcolm admonished the demon. "There's folks in the flesh in this place! Ain't right to be tryin' to kill 'em 'fore their time is up!""My apologies, good Sir," the recalcitrant officer offered.Cie gripped Malcolm's hand."Oi, Cie, you're all right!" he declared, relieved. "Still, I think maybe you oughta be seen by a medical professional. C'mon, I'll take you to Hell's Pass Hospital so's they can check you out.""I think probably all I need is a bath," Cie countered."Well, I can help you with that--I mean, I can wait for you whilst you do that, um, outside the bathroom and all, y'know, just in case you need me or somethin'. Look, I mean, we oughta make sure you don't have a concussion or such.""You all right, Ma'am?" the demon officer inquired. "I apologize for running you down in such an unseemly fashion. My noble steed and I were in a bit of a hurry, I'm afraid.""I'm fine, Admiral I. Sea," The Cheesemeister stated. "Thank you for your concern.""Lucky for you," Malcolm admonished. "Oi, what were you thinkin', bringin' that gigantic lug into the hallways of this here hotel? Takes up half the place, he does!""True that, Citizen," the Admiral agreed. "My apologies. I am used to the grand hallways of the Infernal Realms, which are more than adequate to accommodate my friend Yqany. In the future, I shall be more cautious."With that, the Admiral and his great companion took their leave."C'mon, Cie, let me help you up," Malcolm offered."Better do it myself," Cie groaned. "Ugh, I'm all covered in Yqany's slimy spit! You know, you're lucky Admiral I. Sea turned out to be nice. Some demon aristocracy are far less pleasant.""You sayin' I got a mouth on me?""I...I'm saying that you have a tendency to speak up where you see injustice, and I wouldn't want you to get hurt.""I never worried about that before, when I was alive, I mean, in me body, y'know. Now c'mon, let me help you. I don't reckon a spot of Yqany slobber is gonna melt me or nothin'. There we are, that's me girl...I mean...sorry, used to talkin' to me daughter, y'know, when she was a wee one. Ya never forget...I mean, I thought I never would."Malcolm went quiet, his expression sad."I'm sorry, I..."At that moment, Vivian Violent and Bon Scott approached."Cheesy, let me help you get cleaned up," Vivian said. "C'mon, Mate, let's go talk," Bon gently suggested to his old friend. "You can call her later on. She understands.""I do," Cie agreed. "If you need anything.""Yeah, I'm sorry," Malcolm said again, his voice almost too quiet to hear. "What I need is for me life not to be fucked, but that ain't gonna happen. I'll see ya later, arite?""Oh, Vivian, this is just wrong!" the Cheesemeister declared in a trembling voice. "He doesn't deserve this! Isn't there anything we can do?""Honey, his physical brain is too damaged to repair," Vivian explained. "I wanted to help him, but I was ordered not to interfere. If I knew why this was his destiny, I'd tell you, but that information has been kept from me.""He's so unhappy, and here I'm thinking how lucky I am to be having an almost date with him," the Cheesemeister admonished herself. "I'm a selfish asshole!""You're good for him. He enjoys being with you. Don't sell yourself short.[...]

Prince Jams with Death Cheese


7 June 1958 - 21 April 2016

The haters might say that there's no way a talent like Prince would stoop to jamming with a bunch of lowbrow death metal musicians, but The Artist had a great time when he took the stage with Death Cheese. He says he looks forward to many more such collaborations!
We're looking forward to it too. The Funk-Metal onslaught made the audience mosh like it was 1999. 

Image by Kaijugod

Peggy Sue was bummed that her show-stopping twenty foot tall self was too big to fit into Prince's little red Corvette. The Second Doctor cheered our favorite diva by taking us all for a spin around the galaxy in the TARDIS. We kept the party going like it was 1999 and 2068 and 3449! We look forward to many more good times in many more years!

Buzzoff and Buzzin
Rattling Bones Undead Musician Magazine
a division of
FOGNL/UNDEAD Entertainment


The Netherworld Welcomes Chyna


27 December 1970 - 20 April 2016

The WWF Wannabes insisted that Death Cheese give a no holds barred, VIP tribute concert to welcome their heroine Chyna to the Netherworld. Chyna was very pleased by the all-star treatment lavished on her. No-one had to twist her arm to convince her to sign on as one of Team Netherworld's badass Wrestling Superstars!

Bonez Basher
KHEL 666 Sportin' Reportin'


The Hazy History of Cie and Mal: Saving Malcolm


PANSI preaches the gospel of revealing your glory to the LordMeanwhile, the Netherworld Special Victims Unit tries to keep a straight face whenUnsettled Netherworld Noob Malcolm Young details what he believes to be sexual harassment by PANSI!!!!!PANSI declares that Angus is holier than Mal, due to Angus' love for taking it offAs opposed to Malcolm's tendency to put it onTHE STOREY WHERE PANSI!!!!!! TRY'S TO SAVE MALCOM YUNG'S SOLE, BUT HE IS TO BLAST FEEMUS TO BE SAVED!!!!!BYPANSI!!!!!!!!!!!! Hallo, worshippers!!!! It is your diva, PANSI!!!!! Hear with Aubvey and Emrald and the Cheese Mistress to help me with the boring edditing of this storey. The Cheese Mistress want's me to to tell you that this happined on Novemberrr 17 2014. This is when her Unholy Hairy Chested Hunny Buns Malcom Yung furst maid his offishal appearense in the Never World. Now I need all of you to no that Malcom maid a lot of truble for me cause he is a Blast Feemer who miss interpret's the Word of the Lord. The Lord was speaking thru me, and what I said maid Malcom act like a vampire which has been showed a Cross. Any how, he caused a lot of truble for me.Now, evry one no's that Malcom's band with his brother Angus is called AC/DC, which of coarse stand's for Anti Christ Devil Children, and we all no Angus has devil horn's. Still, the Lord work's in mesterius way's, becauze Angus is ackshully the Holyer of the two Un Holy's. He is the one who bare's his flesh the way the Lord intenshoned it, while Malcom is all way's putting his close on!!!!I onley wanted to give Malcom a chanse to re deam himself. So I aproached him with a Cross of the Lord in my hand, just in case he is a vampire, and I said to him:"Listen to me, you Blast Feemus Musician! You can re deam yourself now, if you will just take your close off like your mostly unholy brother does."Well, I think Malcom is a little dense may be. Because insted of thanking me for saving his soul, he said to me: "I beg your pardon?"I thot may be he mite be a little hard of hearing from playin such loud and blast feemus music during his yeers. So I said louder "take your close off, you wicked heething! Be naked before the Lord!"Well, Malcom's face turned red like the devil's bottom, and he said "sorrey, Love, I don't do that sort of thing."Now you have to under stand, I was onley trying to help this blast feemus heething! So I taked it upon my self to undo his trouser's to give him the idea. But being the Unholy Devil Spawn that he is, he totally freeked out."Oi! I didn't give you permission to unwrap me package!" he shouted, as if I had done some thing rong! He then ran out in the hall way of the Never World Hotel and told Oxy Moron the Jester to call the Police, becuz he had ben molested by "some sort of sex crazed pervert."Well! It was not until laiter that I lerned that he thot I was a sex crazed pervert! It was lucky for Malcom that the Never World Speshul Victim's Unit was holding their Police Ball in the Never World Hotel Grand Gala Ball Room, so Oxy took him in their so he could tell them his totaly exagerated report about being ass salted by a pervert."What did this pervert look like, Mr. Yung?" Eliot Stabbler asked Malcom."Well, she was a doll. I suppose maybe she was some sort of sex doll, since she kept trying to make me take off me clothes," Malcom said. "I'm tellin' you, Officer, her intentions was totally perverted! I'm quite certain she intended to rape me.""Mr. Yung, did this doll have pink hair?" Detective Munch asked."Yeah. And she was naked. But she did have tattoos, or maybe paint. I don't know. I really didn't look that close. Also, she was some sort of religious fanatic.""Did she say anything else, Mr. Yung?" Detective Benson asked him."Yeah. She said me brother was hotter than me 'cause he takes off his clothes."Now if there is one thing I can't stand it's when people take the word of the Queen Diva--I mean,[...]

The Hazy History of Cie and Mal: Strange Bedfellows


Will Bon Scott ever overcome the trauma of having his parrot tattoo sleep-smooched by bandmate Malcolm Young?Conversely, will Malcolm ever overcome his disgust at having soul kissed his old friend's arm?The Hazy History of Cie and Mal:Strange BedfellowsbyOxy MoronThis incident takes place on November 16, 2014"Don't worry, Cie, I promise I'll treat your heart tender."Bon Scott woke to the sensation of his old friend and bandmate Malcolm Young snuggling up to him and stroking the parrot tattoo on his left bicep."Oi, Mal!" Bon hissed."Oh, Darlin', I'm so glad you feel the same way I do," Malcolm crooned."Me parrot ain't into you that way, ya twit," Bon groaned. "Mal, cut it out! Bad enough I'm stuffed in this sleeper car with you. Worse that you're molestin' me arm.""Y'know, Love, I think it's time we stop pretendin' too," Malcolm continued. "Oh, Cie, you're so brave to tell me the innermost feelings of your heart this way. I know you're afraid of bein' hurt, but I promise to be ever so kind. Oh yes, of course I want to kiss you too!""All right, that's it, I tried to be nice, but desperate times call fer desperate measures," Bon declared, whacking Malcolm with a pillow in hopes of disengaging his old friend's suckling mouth from his increasingly wet arm."Oi, what the hell?" Malcolm groaned."You were makin' out with me arm, Mate," Bon explained. "Guess I probably won't need a shot, considerin' that we're both spectral and all, but, honestly, gross.""Ugh!" Malcolm declared. "Sometimes I feel like the feckin' Universe just took a piss in me mouth. This is one of those times. Tastes like I've been suckin' on an old sock the entire time I was asleep, and then I wake up to find that I've licked your arm. This is a nightmare!""I don't think you were havin' a nightmare, but I do think your obsession with a certain band manager combined with your belief that she don't feel the same way is gonna lead to nightmares for any bedmates you may have prior to her.""Remind me why the hell you and I are stuffed into this sleeper car like sardines again.""'Cause the 666th Infernal Squadron's transport vehicles were sabotaged, so they commandeered the Rock and Roll Train to the Netherworld. Seein' as most of the blighters have wings, I hardly see why this is necessary. No sense arguin', fuckers wantin' to throw their muscle about are the same in any dimension. Now, as to your Cie problem, why don't you call her or text her and ask her to have breakfast?""Arite, I'll do that. First, let me just...""Never mind, I'll do it. We could be here till eternity waiting for you to work up your courage.""Bon, damn it!"It was too late. Bon had already dialed The Cheesemeister. "Hullo, Cie," he said cheerily. "I was wondering if you'd like...""Yes, whatever it is, yes! Meet me in the corridor!""Mate, we've no idea why she reacted that way," Bon attempted to console the crestfallen Malcolm."Apparently she was extremely happy about your call," Malcolm stated. "Look, Bon, I ain't one to horn in where I ain't wanted. You and her oughta have breakfast together. Maybe I'll fuck off and join the Infernal Foreign Legion.""Aw, cut it out, ya twit! Look, you ain't been here long enough to know just how crazy shite can get in the Netherworld. She didn't sound so much like she was enamored of the idear of seeing me as she did like she wanted to get the fuck out of wherever she is. So, let's go meet with her and find out what's goin' on."As Bon and Malcolm squeezed past demon soldier after demon soldier, they came to Cie's sleeper car. She poured out of the chamber into the hallway, followed by Axe Man, followed by a foul cloud of noxious fumes."Oh, thank all that's holy!" The Cheesemeister gasped. "Axe Man and I were forced to share a sleeper last night. He's trying to make me Undead!""Not like you not contribute to vile fart cloud!" Axe Man retorted. "Axe must admit, manager [...]

The Hazy History of Cie and Mal: Can I Sit Next To You Part Tres


Malcolm is always better at writing songs than actually talking to peopleThe Hazy History of Cie and Mal:Can I Sit Next To You Part TresbyPeter PiperThe Previous Post in this series is Here."Cheesemeister, stop being ridiculous and come out of that sleeper car!" I admonished. "We are approaching Gehenna, and your bands need you.""All right, Peter, just hold on," The Cheesemeister agreed. "I need to find a nice shroud to put on so certain unfortunate not quite spirits whom I puked on won't see me.""You are being extremely asinine," I expounded. "He's a musician. I'm pretty sure he's partied to the point of puke before. Anyway, hiding from him isn't likely to put forth the impression that you're into him.""Who says I'm into him?" The Cheesemeister barked as she exited the sleeper car and rudely shoved me against the wall."Oh, I don't know. Maybe, like everything," I teased before bursting into song. "Why do birds suddenly appear every time Malcolm is near?""Peter, shut up!" The Cheesemeister snapped."Are the stars out tonight, I don't know if it's cloudy or bright, I only have eyes for Mal Young," I continued, filling the corridor with my melodious voice."Peter, you're evil.""And you're mad for Maaaalcolmmmmm," I trilled in a scintillating falsetto."I puked on him.""In the scheme of things, that's a trifle. Stop being so exceedingly thick about this. You guys are good to go. All you need to do is pull the hair trigger, and you'll be travelling down the highway to lurrrrrve with your adorable not quite Undead.""Quiet, you obnoxious satyr.""He's the man of your dreeeeeeams! Admit it, Cheesy, you're sweet on him.""All right, I like him a little.""A little? You're positively over the moon for this semi-undead craftsman of the tune!"In the meantime, Bon Scott found Malcolm in the observation car, bent over a notebook, a no longer lit cigarette hanging from his mouth."That's gross, Mate," Bon declared, plopping himself down in the seat across from Malcolm."Oi! You ain't even read it yet!" Malcolm protested."Not the song, you twit. The smoked down to the slobbery butt cigarette. That shite's fuckin' foul. Think she's gonna wanna kiss your ash tray breath? Thought you quit the ciggies.""I did. But when I'm under pressure, sometimes one appears, and I don't even think about the fact that I'm puffin' away. Anyways, who says she wants to kiss me?""Her. Every time she's next to you, she can't look at nothin' else. Every time she thinks you might not feel the same way, she goes into a deep blue funk. When are you two idjits gonna pull the trigger on this? Here, let's see what you've got. Oi, Mal, this is really nice.""Yeah. Now I've just gotta find someone to jam with so's I can get it out there.""Hullo, you're in a bleedin' train full of musicians, and they all like you. You're guaranteed to bust this song out tonight. All's you gotta do is ask.""Bon, would you help me? I've gotta let Cie know that she's the girl for me, even if she did vomit in me lap. I never thought I could love anyone again, but what I feel for her is so real. She's been so kind to me. She makes me feel, y'know, maybe kinda cute even though I'm an ugly rat, or, y'know, maybe a vole or somethin'.""Would you stop it? Don't take this wrong, but you ain't entirely unappealing. Not that I want what you got, but Cie sure does. You two have it bad for each other. She's a big grouch who don't care what nobody thinks, but since you came around, she's been fallin' all over herself tryin' to look pretty. You're one of the smartest blokes I ever met, but when it comes to her, you're dumb as rocks. Now c'mon, Young. We've an entire rock and roll train full of bastards who would be utterly fuckin' honored to jam with you, me included. We're gonna fuckin' help you kiss your queen. Now, let's get on the expressway to love!""Expressway to love?""Little something I'v[...]

The Hazy History of Cie and Mal: Can I Sit Next To You Part Deux


Malcolm attempts to keep his stomach steady after The Cheesemeister yaks in his lap, thanks to...Image SourceThe rocking of the train car by a couple dozen of these arseholesThe Hazy History of Cie and Mal:Can I Sit Next To You Part DeuxbyThe Spooky GuyThe previous post in this series is here."Gugs!" shouted Geoff Ghast. "They're hoping to rob the train car. Well, they won't be expecting the total ass-kicking wrath of Death Cheese or my Moves Like Jagger. Come on, guys, what are you waiting for? Let's kick some Gug ass!"Axe Man and the WWF Wannabes bounded from the train into the tunnel. Still, there was enough Gug power for the bastards to continue rocking the train car. I could see The Cheesemeister beginning to turn an awful shade of dark green, as she is quite prone to motion sickness. "Oh, Gods, I've got to open the window!" she groaned."I'd not do that, Love--er--Cie," Malcolm said. "Them things might bite your head off. Here, squeeze my hand and count to"It was too late for any hand squeezing or counting to be of any use whatsoever. The Cheesemeister leaned over and upchucked in her unfortunate victim's lap."Ew!" Leonardo Lothario shrieked. "Sorry, Baby, but no date for you!""I don't even want a date with you, you nauseating hemoglobin sucker!" The Cheesemeister moaned. "Oh no, what did I do?"", you vomited, Love," Malcolm said obviously, trying not to barf himself."You yakked all over his lap!" Leonardo shrilled."Shut the fuck up, ya jackass!" Malcolm snapped. "I'm sick of your damn brayin'. Feel like throwin' up meself with them bastards tossin' the car about this way and that. Cie, where are you goin'? I don't think you oughta go nowhere just now. It ain't safe.""Oh Gods, can't you see it?" The Cheesemeister wailed. "I like you so very much, but I just make a mess of things. This time I've truly made a mess of things. I'm going to the sleeper car and lock myself in. Maybe the Earth will open up and swallow me.""Cie, c'mon, it's just a little barf," Malcolm protested. "Yeah, it's gross and all, but I can probably make it disappear. Anyways, I can wash it off. Oh, for fuck's sake!"As The Cheesemeister scurried off, howling loud enough that the entire Netherworld could hear, Malcolm chose this moment to get his hackles up."Y'know, I'm really sick of arseholes interruptin' the moment any time I work up me courage!" he declared. "I'm gonna go out there and take care of these fuckwits.""Great. This means I have to put aside my issue of Curmudgeonly Merchandisers Quarterly and go save his fool ass," I groaned. "Quorthon! Quit being a lazy fucker! We've gugs to fight!""What do you mean a lazy fucker?" Quorthon demanded. "I have already taken out ten of the bastards. Turns out the sound of my voice is soothing to them.""I always did say you could put an audience to sleep," I said. "Well, come on, then. We must play Cupid for Malcolm and The Cheesemeister. Without our help, those two buffoons shall never figure out how to get together."The Spooky GuyforRattling Bones Undead Musician Magazinea division ofFOGNL/UNDEAD Entertainment[...]

Happy 61st Birthday Angus Young


"Hey Angus, who's your friend--or is that your butt?"Team Netherworld loves thiswild andcrazy guyand his oft-bared posteriorImage SourceHappy 61st birthday to the Netherworld's favorite Moon Man![...]

The Hazy History of Cie and Mal: Can I Sit Next to You?


A flummoxed Fetch tries to think of something cool to say when...The Cheesemeister asks if she can park her ample assets in the seat next to his, in order to avoidstock photo purchased from 123rf.comDirty Dan's creepy cousin, Leonardo LotharioThe Hazy History of Cie and Mal:Can I Sit Next To You?byGeoff GhastThis event takes place on November 15, 2014Hey everyone! So, like, Death Cheese, Ectoplasm Attack, the Ghastly Crue, the Iron Troglodytes, The Jimi Hendrix Reanimated Experience and The Spammy Pipers were heading off on the good ole Rock and Roll Train to perform at the Gehenna Opera House. We were a mixed group: some natty, some edgy, and, unfortunately, some just plain nasty.The Cheesemeister was trying to get close to Malcolm Young without seeming overeager, so she sat in the seat across the aisle from him. Unfortunately, this put her in the proximity of Dirty Dan's embarrassing cousin, Leonardo Lothario."Zowie!" Leonardo declared as Cheesy sat beside him, not even initially noticing his odious presence due to her eyes being glued to Malcolm as she tried not to drop her ever-present tech bag and purse. "I surely would like to sink my fangs into your juicy neck, my beefy babe!""Kiss off, you lowlife vermin!" The Cheesemeister barked. "I'm too busy to bother with your odious advances. Ugh, what the hell have you been eating? Whatever it is, some of it is still on your face.""Why, only the finest Burning Hearts from Steak Through The Heart Bistro," Leonardo purred. "If you give me a kiss, you can taste them too.""Ugh!" The Cheesemeister retorted. "I'd sooner kiss a toad's ass! You, Sir, give a bad name to the noble Vampire race."With that, the Cheesemeister jumped up, emboldened by her disgust at her current seatmate. She walked across the aisle.""Mr. Young, can I sit next to you?" she asked."Yuh...uh...fluh?" Malcolm blathered."She's askin' if she can sit next to you, Mate," Bon whispered. "I'd say the answer ought to be yes, but the power of speech appears to have escaped you. Would you like me to answer for you? Blink your eyes once for yes and two for no.""I'll give you a black eye if you don't shut your gob!" Malcolm hissed. "But yeah, tell her it's okay.""Have a seat, Cie," Bon offered. "Thank you. It's very kind of you," Cie said. "That vampire over there was suggesting the most disgusting things, and his breath made me exceedingly queasy.""Would you care to have Malcolm and I put the fiend in his place?" Bon inquired."As long as he stays in his place and doesn't bother me any more, it won't be necessary. But thank you."A moment later, Bon received this text from Malcolm."Fuck off and get us some refreshments like a good chap.""It looks as if you lot could use a wee bite and perhaps a sip," Bon, ever the good wingman, decreed. "Yeah, make sure to search for the yummiest stuff, Mate," Malcolm ordered, now feeling more confident. "Take your time, don't be careless.""Just so," Bon said agreeably. "Oi, and if that vampire gives you any hassles, just whistle and I'll be here, Johnny on the spot, y'know.""Yummy food, Bon. Time's wastin'.""Right. Be back soon. But not too soon.""Nice bloke, but he does run on at the mouth," Malcolm said. "Now, that fiend didn't hurt you, did he?""Who, Bon?""No, the vampire. Oi, did Bon hurt you?""No. I was just confused. I tend to get that way in the presence of kissable...I mean, quiet and extremely talented personal heroes of mine.""Yeah, I know what you mean. I get a bit flummoxed meself in the presence of, y'know, fantastically gifted road managers. Um, so, I was wonderin', after the show, would you perhaps like to..."At that moment the train lurched to a stop and the car went dark. The Cheesemeister protectively pulled Malcolm against her as ominous groaning sounds surround[...]

The Hazy History of Cie and Mal: Become the Umbrella


Malcolm attempts to blend in with the umbrella holderThe Hazy History of Cie and Mal:Become the UmbrellabyA Fungus From YuggothThis event takes place on November 14, 2014The previous post in this series is here."You seem perturbed, Cheesemeister," I noted. "What is troubling you?""A ghost, Fungus," The Cheesemeister replied. "Although he isn't really troubling me and he's not quite a ghost. That is to say, hypothetically, if he were a he, because ghosts can also be she. Also, perhaps I should say Undead, because not all Undead are ghosts, and if someone isn't quite a ghost but they are no longer part of the living world, then they might be an Undead but not a ghost. Hypothetically speaking, of course.""Naturally," I said. "Now, tell me, in what manner did this Undead not quite trouble you?""Well, why don't we just call him a ghost for simplicity's sake? Hypothetically, of course.""Agreed. Now, which actions taken by this hypothetical ghost have you in a state of agitation? Were you injured by the actions of this ghost?""Oh no, not at all. He was a very lovely lurker, although I'm pretty sure lurking wasn't his intent. I think we can just refer to the hypothetical ghost as 'he' for the sake of simplicity, don't you?""Absolutely. Now, what, precisely, was his intent?""I can't really say, because he wasn't precisely specific. You see, the ghost in the umbrella stand had long thick hair and wide eyes, and he watched me while I pulled my rainboots on. Oh, Fungus, he has such pretty eyes, although he looked rather terrified. I think he was hoping that I wouldn't see him.""Cheesemeister, you look sad. Why are you sad?""Because the charming ghost with the pretty eyes was leaving me a box of candy.""Was it bad candy? Did he leave you the Whizzo Quality Assortment? I am sure that if he did so it was out of ignorance rather than malice. I believe this ghost to be dense as opposed to evil.""No, Fungus, it was nothing like that. It's just that I think he was leaving the candy on behalf of my secret admirer.""My dear old friend, pray tell me, why does this make you sad?""Because whoever my secret admirer is, I'm afraid I'm going to have to break his heart.""Why would this be the case?""Because I don't love him. I love his messenger.""Cheesemeister, I believe you are causing yourself unnecessary grief," I said kindly. "Oh, I know. I should keep an open mind, perhaps I'll fall in love with my secret admirer, yada yada. I've heard it all before, Fungus, so please don't say it.""I was not planning on saying this, for it is not what I believe.""Well then, what do you believe?""My friend, it is obvious. The secret admirer and the messenger are one and the same.""What in the world give you that idea?""Cheesemeister, anyone viewing the situation would perceive the same.""Don't be silly. Why wouldn't he just give me the candy if he wanted me to have it?""Because he is terribly bashful, you dense human!""Fungus, I hope what you're saying is true. I was walking with him in my astral form last night beside the glorious Lake Yath, when we were set upon by Quyagen, who tried to pull us into the Southern Sea. Malcolm...I mean, the hypothetical Undead, whose name may be Malcolm for all I know, performed an Assist Dreamer spell to free me from the clutches of that foul Octopoid. I suppose maybe he was coming to check on me to make sure that I was all right, but...""But what, my friend?""I have the feeling that he'd rather I just leave him alone.""Why would he leave candy for you if he wishes for you to leave him alone?""I...oh, I don't know! I don't understand men...I mean, Undead men...I mean, Undead at all!""We shall get to the bottom of this mystery, Cheesemeister, have no fear," I said, patting her shoulder. "Just give m[...]

The Cheese Grates It: Body and Soul


“Some people touch your body, some people touch your soul.” --Bruce AdlerMalcolm Young never touched my body, not even a handshake. But he touched my soul more deeply than some people whom I foolishly allowed to touch my body out of desperate need to find some semblance of love--even a perverted pretense of love--somewhere.It makes me kind of sad when I see girls and women literally proclaiming that they’d happily “be a groupie” for (fill in the blank.)I would never have been a groupie for anybody.It isn’t that I have disdain for people who choose to be groupies. I admit, I did when I was younger. I thought they were cheap. Over the years I’ve come to see that such people tend to be looking for love. But you aren’t going to find love when you allow yourself to be but one of someone’s many options. Never let yourself be someone’s option. You’re better than that.Beyond his early 20s, Malcolm was not one to sample from the vast pool of groupies making themselves available. I respected that. If two people are unattached and want to hook up, fine. I don’t respect the sort of fellow (or lady) who is in a committed relationship but hooks up with everything that comes along anyway. I feel bad for such a person’s partner, who is no doubt hoping that one day he will settle down and be true. My experience has shown me that such people never do.I know sex is a big thing for a lot of people. Personally, I don’t care about it. I can only be involved with someone I care deeply about, and I’d have to trust them deeply too. I don’t trust easily.I can’t really explain why, but this is a person who truly does touch my soul. I care deeply about him. I wish I could heal him.Sex? Meh, I have my hand for that. What is in the heart means much more than a random meeting of genitals ever could.Granted, not everyone is wired the way I am. That’s okay. Just so long as no one is going behind someone else’s back, I really don’t care what people do. I just got tired of being mocked because I’m not that way.The Cheese Hath Grated ItCross-posted to: Cie loves MalEncyclopedia NetherworldOne Love Rattling Bones Undead Musician Magazine[...]

The Cheese Grates It: When Everything Starts To Fall Apart


 This is Brian JohnsonThis is Angus YoungI can't be arsed to find a picture of Jim Breuer.I probably won't be so unkind as to expose you to a picture of me.Recently, Jim Breuer stated that Brian Johnson presented as depressed during a personal conversation with him. It came down to the issue that Brian faces a permanent, total loss of hearing if he continues touring. Breuer went on to say that Angus Young, the band's leader since his brother's forced retirement, "heartlessly kicked Johnson to the curb."Breuer later backpedaled, claiming that his statement was hyperbole.This may be all the more that needs to be said about the subject. Anything I have to say is subjective, and no-one cares about my opinion anyhow. I only spew it on blogs that no-one reads to get it out of my head in order to make room for more shit, such as taxes.I was not there, so nothing I say is written in stone. I only state possibilities and probabilities from observations of human nature in general over the past 51 years in which I have lived on this often very shitty planet.That Brian Johnson would be depressed over both a potential loss of an important sense and the loss of his longtime livelihood should surprise nobody.If Angus Young did state that Brian Johnson should no longer work with the band, I rather doubt that he did so "heartlessly." From a purely self-serving point of view, it would not serve him to get rid of Johnson, who knows the band's material, and whom the audience resonates with. This would be a stupid move, and Angus Young is not stupid.It is possible that Angus said something along the lines of he could not in good conscience allow Brian to continue touring with the band, that he couldn't be responsible for allowing Brian's hearing to continue to deteriorate, or something of that nature. This is not heartless, even if it might be interpreted as harsh.It is possible that whatever Angus said, he might have said it in a way that could be interpreted as cold. I highly doubt that Angus is a very happy person at this juncture of his life. When I see recent photos of him, I do not see someone who is enjoying life. I see someone who is on autopilot. Performance is Angus' escape hatch. At this point it is more an act of desperation than an act of joy. I feel that he is likely torn, on one hand wanting to continue performing forever so he never has to completely face the horrors confronting him in his personal life, and on the other hand just wanting it to all be over. He is doing what his big brother told him to do, as he so often did, even though his brother is no longer aware of this or anything else.Angus may well have numbed himself emotionally, which may cause him to present as cold. People who must deal with the loss of someone dear to them due to dementia can present as hard and angry. Dementia is different than other diseases. The person one used to know is no longer there, but their body is still there. It can seem as if God/the Cosmos is mocking one by leaving in their loved one's place a soulless shadow.Younger people may find it difficult to understand any of this. At my age, I have been confronted with it not only as a professional who worked with the elderly for most of my career, but on a personal level, seeing my own father deteriorate due to vascular insufficiency, which eventually caused dementia. Now my aunt is succumbing to some sort of fast moving form of dementia.One would think that I would cry. I don't. Often people who have been through a great deal can't cry any more. We do not see a bright future. We see only more loss on the horizon.When I wake up, I don't think "Oh, joy, another day!" I think "Oh shit, not again."&nbs[...]

A Lucent Soul in a Dead World: The Spooky Guy Version


Image by Mila LosenkoA Lucent Soul in a Dead WorldbyThe Spooky Guy“Spooky, in spite of your sardonic manner, I find yours to be quite a lucent soul,” Yitzy Yithian stated kindly.“Do not spread such terrible rumors, or my membership card for the Curmudgeon’s Club may be revoked,” I admonished. “I am a charter member, and proud of it.”“I see no curmudgeons here other than yourself,” the friendly Yithian retorted. “Thus, unless you take it upon yourself to reveal your insubordination, your secret is safe, gentle curmudgeon.”“Fine. Just keep this between us,” I grumbled. “The lighting is terrible in this fucking place. Always I like lighting which is dark and gloomy, but with something of moonlight.”“This planet has seven moons,” the Yithian offered.(Image by Michael Gaida)A side entrance to the palace of the Royal Family of West Zecor“Yes, well, this is fine and good. However, inside this shithole of a palace on this dead fucking rock, the lighting is foul. Also, the evil energy which remains behind from the foul fuckers which previously dwelt here hangs about like a wet mildew. And furthermore, why the fuck is it raining? It is as if this damn world does not know it is supposed to be dead!”Image Source“The world still gets enough radiation from the damaged sun to allow an atmosphere. Perhaps it is trying to cleanse itself.”“Yes, well, good luck to it, I suppose,” I muttered. “I cannot help but think the entire cosmos would be better off were the damaged sun to explode and take the first six planets with it. The mining colonies are far enough out in the asteroid belt that the shock should not significantly impact them, and they possess artificial atmospheres. In any case, I suppose it is not mine to decide. I am simply very sensitive to atmospheres, and I do not care for this one in the least.”“I cannot blame you for this. I sense what seems to be the remaining psychic energy of the malevolent presences which created the hive community of which you told me previously. Only the shadow remains.”“It is enough,” I declared.The Spooky GuyforRattling Bones Undead Musician Magazinea division ofFOGNL/UNDEAD EntertainmentPrompts Used:Hourly Writing PromptsPicture Writing PromptsTeam Netherworld's Wicked Wednesday: TrifectaVictorious VocabularyVisual Writing PromptsWrite About Comma[...]

The Hazy History of Cie and Mal: Retroflected Wisdom


Wisdom by Rebecca YanoskayaThe Hazy History of Cie and Mal:Retroflected Wisdom byThe Spooky Guy"I am very much enjoying your recounting of the formation of the extremely deep bond between Malcolm and The Cheesemeister, Spooky," Yitzy Yithian said. "I do hope it will not disturb the flow of your recounting of this tale a love that refuses to die in spite of all the obstacles against it if I ask a question. I believe it to be a simple question, or at least it will likely seem simple to you with the well of sagacity that you possess.""It is no need to flatter me, Yithian," I retorted. "I am simply very observant. I am also certain that you shall remind me where we left off should there be such a need. What is your question?""It seems that Bon played a great role in facilitating the formation or reformation of the bond between Malcolm and The Cheesemeister. However, and correct me if I am in error, having retroflected on the relationships between the participants in this lively drama, Bon and The Cheesemeister at one time had a romantic bond.""Yes, Yithian, they did. After the demise of his body, Bon encountered The Cheesemeister. She was empathic and sympathetic, and he was saddened by the untimely termination of his most recent incarnation. They began conversing with one another, and over time began to fall in love.""Why was their romance terminated?""The Cheesemeister was too young to be able to fully understand the sacrifices she would have to make in order for such a union to be successful. She also suffered from improperly diagnosed psychiatric illness. She was plagued by doubts. She ended the relationship with Bon. He was saddened, but he realized that it was for the best.""He was not angry with her?""No. He continued to look after her. He often felt quite helpless as he watched her suffer.""Why would he assist Malcolm to bond with her if he still felt love for her himself?""The love he felt changed form and became friendship. He feels a bond of friendship with both Malcolm and The Cheesemeister. When The Cheesemeister said that Malcolm was the only one that she would undo her vow never to allow anyone into her heart again for, Bon realized just how serious she was. In fact, he and I spoke of it later as we retroflected upon each of our past romantic ties with The Cheesemeister.""What sort of conclusion did you, in your sagacity, come to?""What other conclusion could we come to? We realized that there could only be one conclusion. The feelings that The Cheesemeister and Malcolm had for each other weren't just based in need or weakness. It is not based in them finding one another photogenic or on having lust in their loins. Neither of them is young, and both is exceeding wounded in the heart and soul. Now, some fellows who has had a failed relationship with a woman might wish to curse that woman and any potential successors to her love. Bon and I, however, agreed that we would be wingmen to Malcolm and The Cheesemeister.""This is very noble of you, Spooky.""Indeed it is, Yithian. Thank you for recognizing it as such.""There is no need to thank me for observing the truth. I do have one question, however. How far back do you believe that the bond between Malcolm and The Cheesemeister goes?""As to Malcolm, I know that he is the eighth offspring of Lucifer, the Father of the Netherworld. When he came to the Earth plane, The Cheesemeister assisted him. Both of them became lost along the way. They have found each other again, but there is still a threat, not only to their love, but to their very existence.""You and Bon will help them counter this threat?""Yes. A good wingman does this. It se[...]

The Hazy History of Cie and Mal: Death Unfold Me


Death Unfold Me by FDA SuarezThe Hazy History of Cie and Mal:Death Unfold MebyThe Spooky GuyThis event takes place on November 13, 2014The previous post in this series is here."Oi, Mal, get the lead out!" Bon Scott called to his old friend and bandmate Malcolm Young. "You don't wanna keep your Darlin' Cie waitin', do ya?"Malcolm emerged from his suite, his face the approximate shade of 666 very red roses in full bloom."I don't think I can look 'er in the eye, Mate," he muttered. "I'd feel like she was lookin' right into me filthy, nasty head and seein' all the naughty visions of her me mind conjured up while I slept.""Do tell," Bon said, intrigued."You wish, ya perv! Thanks, but no. I believe I'll keep me very personal visions of me comely Cie to meself.""Young Malcolm, how do you expect me to assist you if I haven't a good idea of what's going on in your head? I'm actually not trying to be a pervert. I think it would be quite a lovely thing if my two really shy friends could help each other overcome the rather unfair helping of unhappiness that they've both been served in this lifetime. Now, out with it. What x rated sugar plums danced in your dreams during the night?""Y'know, Bon, if it had been just your standard sex dream, it wouldn't be so unnerving. But there was something so deeply and utterly unsettling and beautiful and heartbreaking and terrifying about this dream. It was Cie, and yet it wasn't. She was younger, but it was more than just that. The way she spoke, the words were in some bizarre language, yet I completely understood what she was sayin'.""Mate, sometimes when you're asleep, some sort of weird language comes outta your mouth," Bon revealed. "Spooky said it was a dead language, and I thanked him to shut the fuck up because I really didn't want to piss myself.""What did you mean by a dead language, Spooky?" Yitzy asked."I am getting to that. This is explained easy enough in Bon's words.""Very well. Please do continue.""Well, what did he mean?" Malcolm asked Bon."He said he meant that it was a language spoken by a race of people who were long dead, and that you were speaking it because you were one of them.""What, like Elvish or something?""I asked Spooky that. He said this was not Elvish, and that Elvish is not a dead language as there are still Elves. He said that he didn't know what the language was, he just knew that all the people who spoke it were long dead.""Well, that is rather fuckin' unsettling. Still, it gives some explanation to this dream.""Care to share?""Don't feckin' look at me face! All right, I'll tell you. You'll probably laugh at me for bein' so modest or such, as we didn't actually have sex. What happened was even more intimate than bangin'. She was crouched on the bed, lookin' at me from behind her hair. She said to me 'please kiss me now, my sweet young baby, my beautiful boy, my thief of hearts. I've missed you so, I've wept for you over so many centuries that the color has been washed from my eyes.' Bon, I was excited and terrified all at once. Like I told you, I didn't understand the language she was speaking, but I understood every word she said, and I wanted to be with her so damn bad. That's why if I was to go to Cie today, I'd have to put a feckin' bag over me head, 'cause I couldn't even look at her without me face goin' red!""Mate, with what you're tellin' me, this thing you feel for her ain't based on loneliness, and you sure as hell ain't just lookin' for a piece of ass. This is some kind of deep bond unlike any I've ever seen, and if you keep denying it, you're gonna keep on hurting both you and her. So fuckin' [...]

The Hazy History of Cie and Mal: After the Storm: Part One: Atomic Tangerine Bonefish Sanctuary


The fence surrounding the new Atomic Tangerine Bonefish Sanctuary in the courtyard at the Hell's Pass Hospital NUKE Kids Treatment ProgramThe Hazy History of Cie and Mal: After the Storm: Part One: Atomic Tangerine Bonefish SanctuarybyBuzzoff ByakheeNotes:The previous post in this series can be found here.This event takes place on November 12, 2014THIS MULTIVERSE MASHUP CONTAINS MILD HETERO SLASHSIDEBAR RULES APPLYIF YOU DON'T LIKE THE RULES, DON'T READ THE POSTPrompts Used:Daily PicspirationOTP PromptsPrompts Galore"You see, Yitzy," The Spooky Guy imparted to Yitzy Yithian, "The Cheesemeister and Malcolm is both prone to being most obsessive, and they was fixated on the well-being of the Atomic Tangerine Bonefish. Malcolm had this idea to build a sanctuary for the Bonefish in the courtyard outside the NUKE Syndrome Treatment Unit, where there currently stood a very brackish pool, which had seen no use since 1983, or perhaps 1883. In any case, Malcolm asked if they could fix up the pool to use as a sanctuary for the Bonefish. Well, the idea to do this brought the NUKE Syndrome kids there for treatment no end of joy, so how could Dr. Schitz say no? He is a failed curmudgeon with a soft heart. He gave in without a fight.""Florana, who is the sister of Fast Frankie, had an idea to build a little cafe so the visitors to the new Bonefish sanctuary could enjoy a nice bean soup. I suggested to Dr. Schitz that they give a free anti gas pill to each diner, otherwise the Netherworld might have a quick increase in its Undead population.""Can digestive gasses actually cause the sufferer thereof to explode, Spooky?" Yitzy inquired. "I have never encountered such a thing in humans, although the Flatulators of Uranus take great joy in building up their digestive gasses to such a point that they explode into millions of pieces. They then chortle gleefully as they knit back together, for they are themselves beings of a gaseous nature.""Sounds like the perfect fucking holiday for Beavis and Butthead," Spooky groaned. "In the future, keep such repulsive knowledge to yourself, Yithian. You might inquire of Dr. Schitz whether any human has ever exploded from a case of the farts, but I believe the answer would be 'no.' We is not among the belly busters of Uranus. I was only hoping to keep the hospital from smelling like dung. Now, in spite of his vast medical and DNA manipulation knowledge, Dr. Schitz is a bit obtuse and was unaware that I was making a very zany ass related joke. He praised me for my conscientiousness and went off to create a combination anti gas formula melded into a breath strip.""You are an exceedingly inspirational fellow, Spooky. So, what transpired next?" Yitzy asked."Well, the bean cafe was built next to the Kool Kidz Ice Cream Parlor. Then The Cheesemeister and Malcolm went outside to direct the construction of the new Bonefish Sanctuary pool area. It may surprise you to hear that Malcolm is actually quite adept at renovations.""This is news to me, but not quite so surprising. Malcolm is extremely smart and seems to have a love for various work.""Yes, well, The Cheesemeister was quite charmed by his direction of the building of this aquatic zoo. She is not quite so adept with construction planning, but she enjoys to decorate things in her own whimsical fashion. She designed the fence which surrounds the pool, which is decorated in depictions of various aquatic life. Malcolm was very encouraging of said whimsy.""It seems that he works well with whimsical people. His brother is not exactly the most grounded sort, and they [...]

Angus and the Comfy Criminal


The Angus Eating ChairAngus and the Comfy CriminalbyMalcolm YoungHullo everyone! You know, it greatly cheers me when my brother Angus is able to come visit me here in the Netherworld. However, he always manages to get himself into a spot of trouble without even trying.For instance, there we were, travelling with the Tenth Doctor to the year 2068 in order to prevent some apocalypse or another. The Doctor told Angus to be careful where he placed his bum. "Some things are not quite what they appear to be," the Doctor warned.Well, you know that the Doctor is very literal and Angus can be a mite dense. Angus also loves to play his guitar, but he don't like to wear clothes. Well, when he saw what appeared to be a very cozy chair in one of the Doctor's many store rooms, he stripped down to his socks, parked his bum in said chair, and began to play guitar.Next thing you know, we heard the most awful screams. The Doctor and I barely got hold of Angus in time. That bloody chair already had his arse pulled into another dimension and was working on taking the rest of him there as well."Hell's Bells," I expounded, tossing the little nudist a towel. "Cover it up, Mate! Really, did you have to strip off before sitting there? Bad enough you don't listen to the Doctor when he tells you to be careful where you sit. Worse when you have to do it starkers!""I couldn't help it, Mal," Angus insisted. "I heard it whispering to me, offering me the most comfortable seat of me life. 'Come rest your tired buttocks, good Sir,' it said. Well, how could I refuse?""Seems to me I'd be rather disinclined to place me bum in a talking chair," I retorted. "Never know what perverted idears the bloody thing might have. You also never know who else has sat in it and what they may have done while sitting in it. Right unsettling it is.""Well, I'm glad I've got you to look out for me. I'd have been drawn into that other dimension bum first if it wasn't for you. Doctor, what's the deal with this chair anyway?""We're returning it to the Interstellar Penal Colony in Orion's Butt forthwith," Ten said. "It's seduced far too many innocent souls with its cushy cushions and welcoming understated elegance. This chair is one comfy criminal. It needs to be incarcerated quickly.""Ang, for the love of all that's holy, would you please put on your pants?" I demanded. "While the Young family jewels are a priceless treasure, I can't say I've a particular desire to gaze upon them. Cover up, Mate! We've work to do.""Oi, Doc, I'm wondering," Angus said, making me palm me face with the most zealous of zeal. "Might this comfy criminal have an overstuffed ottoman for a sidekick? Because that would certainly be a combo that was near to impossible to resist!"Malcolm YoungforRattling Bones Undead Musician Magazinea division ofFOGNL/UNDEAD EntertainmentDespite this song's lyrics, Angus can't claim that the comfy criminal didn't have a hold on him--and his backside! allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="" width="420">[...]

Mal and Cie's Valentine 69 Interruptus


The Birthday Girl's favorite giftCheesy is ready for loveTommy Thrasher wants to help. Really, he does. But...Mal and Cie's Valentine 69 InterruptusbyMalcolm YoungTHIS POST CONTAINS NON-EXPLICIT HETERO SLASHSIDEBAR RULES APPLYIF YOU DON'T LIKE THE RULES, DON'T READ THE POSTI love Xenomorphs. Really, I do. Some of my favourite creatures in the Netherworld are Xenos. Xenos tend to be most gregarious. They are intelligent. They are resilient as all fuck. They are great pilots. One thing they ain't, though, is quick on the uptake. In fact, you might even say they're dense.Because of all the shite that happened last year with General Deborah Wylie and Cyren and Indigo's mum invading my suite and threatening to throw me off the balcony and other unsavoury shite like that, my darlin' Cie thought it would be a fine idea to have a bodyguard, and what better bodyguard than a creature that can scale buildings without ropes or crampons or any of that other stuff? So we hired Tommy Thrasher, who is a former Netherworld Wrestling Federation champ to hang out and make sure no unwanted arseholes interrupted my darlin' Cie's happy birthday and personal private Valentine 69 with her favourite fetch, yours truly.Not to go into details that you perverts ain't got a need to be privy to, but Cie and I were having a lovely time. To quote a song that ain't mine, we were just about to groove and we were thinkin' it's a breeze, when suddenly there was a light in our eyes and then this voice said:"Hey boss man and boss lady! I'm just scaling the building to make sure nobody bothers you. Ain't seen no trespassers yet. Gonna keep climbing though and make sure.""Tommy, what the hell is that light?" Cie demanded."Oh, that's just my new friends, Bucky and Steve," Tommy said. "They're test-piloting this new short-hop interplanetary heli-chopper for my pal Elaine Evenstar's Earth-Venus-Mars tour service.""Yeah, great. Hope they enjoyed the view of my arse," I grumbled. "Meh. You've seen one Young ass, you've seen 'em all," Bucky called through a megaphone. "Yeah. Pretty much looks like your brother's--white and pasty!" Steve added."Everyone's a feckin' comedian," I grumbled. "Oi, Peepin' Tommy, if you're done givin' them flyin' fools an eyeful, would you mind shuttin' the damn window and drapes and such?""Tommy, you're doing a great job, and we really appreciate it," Cie said. "But you don't need to report to us, unless something happens. If nothing's happening, we'll see you in the morning.""Oh, okay. Got it, Boss Lady. You folks have fun now! Hope you lay a real nice cache of eggs later!""Somehow I don't think Tommy understands the human reproductive process," Cie said."Yeah," I agreed. "Nice enough bloke, but I don't think he's the sharpest tool in the shed.""Honey, you know that Xenomorphs aren't as modest about intimate relations as we humans," Cie explained. "Tommy didn't think twice about interrupting us, because a Xeno couple would be perfectly fine with having a chat with a friend while they continued going at it. I'll talk to him.""Yeah, you do that--later. Right now, you and me got an intimate appointment with love. Oi, that sounds like a song lyric! Help me remember it.""You've got it, my fetching fetch! Now, where were we?""I do believe I was gonna go down under, and...""Hold on there, little fellow and lady!" I heard Tommy's voice as he climbed through the window. "The boss man and the boss lady are trying to be intimate and make eggs. You shouldn't oughta be interrupting 'em.""Tommy, what the [...]

In Memory of Bon Scott


9 July 1946 – 19 February 1980

It's hard to believe that it's been 36 years since Bon Scott was found dead at age 33 in the back of a car where his friend left him to sleep it off. There have been a lot of stupid rumors surrounding Bon's death. I'm not going to justify any of these by acknowledging them. His death was a tragic accident. 
I believe that Bon is looking out for Malcolm Young, who is now so terribly ill. It's the sort of thing that he would do. The reality about the members of AC/DC is far more boring than the tall tales of their reputed villainy. The truth is, they are, overall, nice people and have had more than their fair share of tragedy.
We of Team Netherworld love them. We salute you, Bon.


Quorthon's 50th Birthday Bash


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We couldn't very well leave Venus without celebrating Quorthon's 50th birthday! The beloved Master of Viking Metal serenaded the crowd for close to six hours. A wonderful time was had by all! Cheers to one of the coolest, kindest, and most gifted performers ever to bless the world with his presence!

Cie Cheesemeister
Rattling Bones Undead Musician Magazine
a division of
FOGNL/UNDEAD Entertainment

Valentine 69 2016: Day 3


Image SourceYour reporter, looking enchantingValentine 69 2016: Day 3by Kizz MyassKindest greetings, lads and lassies, boils and ghouls, beasts and fiends! It would be impossible to top the solid sounds of the past two days of Valentine 69, but they were very well equaled by today's performers. I'll zip my lip quick as that and let you get down to the business of listening!Mind, The Quick and the Undead is a melting pot of epic performers from Earth 3D. The videos featured showcase some of the tunes they gave us during their time. Imagine these splendid sounds all put together! Now imagine a band of demons joining in, and you have Wild Child. Put them together, and it's a very special performance for one night only by The Quick and the Wild, where members of the two bands come together to delight!Ectoplasm Attack is another tasty melting pot of a band. Top the whole thing off with Death Cheese, and you have one stellar jam! Let's get to it!Kizz MyassforRattling Bones Undead Musician Magazinea division ofFOGNL/UNDEAD Media ServicesThe Quick and the Wild allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="" width="420"> allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="" width="420"> allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="" width="560"> allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="" width="420"> allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="" width="420">Ectoplasm Attack allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="" width="560"> allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="" width="420"> allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="" width="420"> allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="" width="420"> allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="" width="420"> allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="" width="420">Death Cheese allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="" width="420"> allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="" width="420">[...]

Valentine 69 2016: Day 2


Image SourceYour reporter prepares to take in the showValentine 69 2016: Day 2byYitzy YithianHello everyone! Tonight's Valentine 69 performance slammed into the audience's auditory receptors like a Hammer of Yg. Just when you thought things couldn't get any more intense, a new batch of intensity rose to the occasion. All in all, it was an incredible show! But you do not wish to hear me prattle on, I'm sure. Bring on the melodic noise! Let us rock Venus!Our three performers for today's aural blast are:Layne Staley's Alice UnchainedRonnie James Dio's Holy DiversMotorhead ReanimatedYitzy YithianforRattling Bones Undead Musician Magazinea division ofFOGNL/UNDEAD EntertainmentAlice Unchained allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="" width="420">Holy Divers allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="" width="560">Motorhead Reanimated allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="" width="560">[...]