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Preview: It's Taking A Village

It's Taking A Village

...just to make the child! We are a committed couple trying to create a child to raise in our loving family. The conception process for a lesbian couple can only be defined as a group effort. We have doctors, nurses, x-ray techs, donors, donor lab, fed e

Updated: 2018-03-05T16:16:33.946-05:00


Downright ticked


I’m offended. I’m outraged. I’m totally miffed about the current topics in the presidential campaign.

Is it about the economy? Is it about foreign relations and rebuilding the image of America to the world? Is it about health care for children and the uninsured? Is it about rebuilding our failing educational system? Is it about creating true energy independence? Is it about taking care of the world around us so that our children actually have a world to worry about?

NO. At least not in most of the media stories I see or the conversations I have hear/have regarding the candidates.

It is about gender. Excuse me? This is the president and vice president of the United States of America, not Mr. and Mrs. America.

Should Joe Biden focus on the total lack of experience Sarah Palin brings to the ticket? Does he have to be careful not to seem to attack a woman during a debate? Can Barak Obama not use a known statement (putting lipstick on a pig) originally used by John McCain about Hillary Clinton’s policies about John McCain’s proposed programs without being seen a being sexist?

The “coldest state, hottest governor” buttons are sexist not calling a VP candidate out about her blatant lies. Focusing on her being a mom and worrying about her ability to govern with a small child is sexist. Thinking I would vote for a Pro Life, aerial hunting, ANWR drilling, abstinence only touting, right wing nut just because she is a woman is insulting to my, (and every woman’s) intelligence. She is defiantly not a substitute for Hillary Clinton.

I am angry that just because she is a woman we have to focus on treating her like she is running for Miss Wasilla again instead of the Vice President of the United States of America. Do you think that President Ahmadinejad will hold back during a debate with her on nuclear proliferation? Do you think Kim Jong-il will agree to sanctions for fear of offending her as a woman? She has to be able to answer the hard questions anyone would ask of a candidate for vice president, especially one backing up a man two years away from the average lifespan of his gender.

People were perfectly comfortable asking Barak why he is qualified without it being about the color of his skin. He isn’t focusing on his race but on his ambition to make this country strong from homeland policies to foreign policies, from citizens of the US to global partnerships, from taking care of our economy with tax cuts to the middleclass to holding corporations accountable for their practices.

I will not get distracted by the right wing Swift boat politics. I want the hard questions to be asked of ANYONE looking to lead this country, both sides. It is time for this country to change and the only way we can make the change is if everyday citizens (workers, mothers, students, CEOs, teachers, social workers, doctors, lawyers, physicists, bankers, and so on) ask the hard questions, demand clarifications, and hold the politicians feet to the fire.

Do not be distracted from the mission; bring back the America that values all of us, not the one that works to divide us. Do not make decisions based on fear. Do not vote without ever asking what, why, and how. Be a part of the solution, not the problem.

Please vote but vote smart.

Case in Point


I just broke down like a blithering idiot to a perfect stranger about everything. I should be embarrassed, but I hope that I'm actually doing some healing. (Healing always requires tears for me.)

Finally, a little productivity


Yes, this weekend we finally managed a bit of productivity. In fact, one might say we're starting - JUST - to get the hang of this family/working/kid/daycare/dog-walking/keeping-our-life-together thing.

We're certainly not pros, but this weekend we found time to exercise the dog, run errands, relax AND waterproof the deck. Two nights in a row we've made lunches. I nearly got to work on time this morning after having myself a little run/walk with A and the dog on top of the usual morning duties. Tomorrow will prove to be a bit more challenging as I have an off-site and need to be early, requiring hands off the snooze button in the morning.

It finally feels like we've got our heads above the water.

This is what we bargained for. This is what we wanted. One thing I've not had time yet to blog about is just how our start to family life has left me feeling wounded and a bit bitter. I still cry every day. Not always a lot, but every day I get choked up at least for a minute.

Several folks have offered their admiration when they find out how I pumped so that our son could eventually be exclusively breastfed. They don't know that I have to. I need him to only drink 100% mother's milk because we missed out on so much for the first three months. I NEED something to be like I planned. I also don't want him out of our bed yet, even though we agreed. Even though E is ready to have her bed back. I want to snuggle him all day (which I can't do b/c I have to contribute to our mortgage) and all night. I never want to be away from him, and I want that time back. I want a do-over. I'm still pissed that it had to happen to us. I still feel like I was given more than I could handle. I still feel desperate sometimes, and I feel cheated.

I don't know if I'll ever get over it. I've had my struggles in life. My parents had a nasty divorce. I struggled with depression. My dad passed away when I was 21. Infertility and the complete lack of control it brought. None of those things compares to the pain I experienced with A's intestinal issues. One flash of a memory of those first days, and I am on the verge of losing it. I'm not healed from what we went through, even though he is a strong boy who came through it with flying colors. He seems no worse for wear because he is an amazing and resilient boy. But me? I'm scarred. I don't know if I'll ever be the same.

Well, that's not what I sat down to write... and really, in some ways that's only the tip of the iceberg. I know our story has a happy ending. I know we are far more fortunate than many. I know my A is OK. He laughs, rolls over, gives kisses, and coos all the time. He's a wonderfully amazing little boy who has blessed me beyond all of my expectations. I hope I never, ever, have to live through that kind of fear again. So, I guess feeling like we're getting some control over life is a pretty big accomplishment. It really was a good weekend.

We made it to Friday


I admit it: I've had a really hard week. It was a short week, but this one's been a bugger for me. I'm just not adjusting well to our new life. I hate that I have to leave my son at daycare. I have a lot of frustration at my job. I wish that we were closer to family. Throw in A's 4 month shots, and it's a recipe for tears and stress. Poor E, yesterday she was fielding teary calls from me, and picking up A from daycare because he was so crabby. I'm glad it's Friday.

A's 4 month check up did go well though. He's jumped up on the growth curve. He was hovering in the 10-15 percentiles for all of his measurements, but now that he eats all breast milk all of the time, he's jumped up to the 20-25 percentiles. So big!! Nothing else noteworthy, which is also a good thing.

So, here's to hoping that we have a relaxing and productive weekend. I need a mental break from work, and I need to get organized around the house. E would probably second that motion so that I'm not such a crazy person next week.

Weekend in Review


First of all I'd like to say that I love our minivan. We had my sister K and her husband B in town all weekend, and we could take one vehicle everywhere! Nice little bonus with the van. Seriously though, it is working out well for the entire family. I am nearly looking forward to our first big trip in it: it will be so comfortable!

We had a very nice weekend with our guests. Unfortunately, E wasn't feeling particularly well (and in fact is at home this morning still trying to recover.) She has a bit of a stomache bug. Hopefully she will be nearly back to 100% by tomorrow as I have to travel for work during the day and she may end up having A by herself for a while.

We always have a nice time with K&B. They bring their big neufoundland who wants to play with Gladys. Gladys, in turn, wants to ignore Olive. It's not the best system, but somehow they work it out so that both dogs end up having a nice time. I also dragged K to a cloth diaper store where we bought more covers. I loved every second of it. Now, we have enough covers to get us through the weeks at daycare. We have lots of fun covers too, which make A's little cloth diaper butt even cuter!

We don't have any guests coming any time soon. We are going to use our weekends to get the house more in order. We have lots of little projects that need attention, things that we had planned on focusing on this summer. Now that medical emergencies are behind us, we can focus on our family life for a little while. I. can't. wait.

My candidate


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I would have voted for Barack two years ago, but now that we have a family, I don't understand how anyone with kids doesn't yearn for BO's world vision. We can only accomplish as much as we aim to. I am looking forward to leadership that is aiming to make this country a better place, for everyone.

Cousins galore!


A is going to have another cousin. Another BOY cousin! My sister B just found out it's a boy!!

The photo


This photo was supposed to be posted with the conception anniversary post. Thank you vee and jay for the lovely shirt!



and another one of his cool t-shirts!


lifelong Democrats!


and now just a cute close-up!


Minivan Driving Mamas


We bought it! A will have his first ride in it this afternoon when I pick him up from daycare. Daycare, by the way is going relatively well. We are still tweaking the schedule, but A seems happy. He has played the maracas, made a sign w/ his hand prints, and made a friend, Sh. They smile at one another and make faces during tummy time. Cute! Honestly, I still don't like it, but we're adjusting.

Sorry posts are so short, few, and far between... we're trying to get into a rhythm around here and have been consumed w/ the vehicle search/coping w/ only one vehicle and lots of places to go. Hopefully we can get into a rut for a little bit. It'd be a nice change!

1st day of daycare and a broken power cord


Yup. We dropped A at 8am. I cried. And cried. And cried. E is picking him at 2pm today, and we are going to attempt an alternative schedule starting tomorrow. I hope he's happy there. I can't think about it too much b/c I also need to be able to work today.

I wanted to update that last post w/ a great pic made possible by Vee & Jay. HOWEVER, our home power cord went out and I couldn't update. So, once that's fixed more pictures will be posted.


One year ago today


my beautiful A was finally conceived.

We'd been trying for over two years, nary a glimmer of success. We winged it that month. Fertility signs were on the high side and we decided to forego the drugs, order Bernard as we called our swimmers, and go for it. The morning they were to arrive, E missed meeting Fed Ex. At work, I felt my ovaries go. I called E, panicked. We rushed to Fed Ex, picked up our swimmers and did the deed at 2:30 in the afternoon.

That day, the most wonderful being was created, and we didn't even know it yet.



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Another countdown begins


Grandpa leaves in one week... that means A starts daycare in one week. Wow. I'm nervous.

I think we will probably appreciate getting into and being able to stay in a routine. I'm sure that he'll eventually really like going to "school". Still, in one week, our four month old peanut goes to day care. I wish we had more options.

Keepin on


Quite the lively conversation in the comments from our last post! Erin thought we should probably start burning coal in the back yard, at least until we get the minivan squared away. I think we should burn old tires instead. Thoughts?

Sorry for the lack of posts. We're chugging along here at the Village, just kind of busy. Grandpa is here, hanging out with A all day long. They read stories, do tummy time, sit in the and walk Gladys. I'm not sure who is having more fun! I'm back at work, and our lives are starting to feel - dare I say it? - normal! Going back to work hasn't been as difficult as I thought it would be. I would still rather be with A, but I like working too.

On the minivan front, I think we're probably going to go shopping next weekend. This weekend, we decided, spur of the moment, to put a bunch of stuff we don't want in the front yard and see if anyone will buy it a la "yard sale". We're not putting much work into it, just enough to sell some clothes, barstools and a few other things. Come on big money!

I really am enjoying the idea of a relatively drama-free life for a few months. We are looking for homeostasis, and I think we're approaching some semblence of balance. We've got some kinks to work out, like a bed time schedule and getting prepared the night before, but we're getting there. I'm just so happy to be worrying about these sorts of issues. Speaking of which, A keeps leaking out of his cloth diapers. Tips? Tricks? Info? Resources?

Firetrucks and cloth diapers


Friday morning, E ran our run-around-the-town car into a firetruck responding to an emergency. She was ok, just lost our entire front end of our nearly classic H.onda Acc.ord (1992.) Thankfully, the insurance company let us make our late payment as we were making the insurance claim. (Still not sure how I overlooked that bill, but I guess we've had a bit going on over here.) Crisis averted!

So, Saturday, we decided to pre-shop for a minivan. We don't know that we're going to be buying a vehicle, and we sure didn't plan on spending that money at this point, but if the old car is going to be totaled.... so, we test drove some real family vehicles. Wow! Nothing says "cool 30-somethings" like a 2004 minivan. Definitely not "cool" in terms of image, but wow are those things functional!! Lots of space for people AND things. Gladys could lay on the floor! We would have room to grow our family (god willing.) So, we'll see what the insurance company says about the other car, but we may end up w/ a minivan yet this year.

In other news, we finally got around to enacting, albeit only partially, our cloth diapering plan for A. We spent most of today changing cloth rather than disposable. It felt good to be using something theoretically a bit more sustainable, but mostly it felt right to be doing something that we ACTUALLY PLANNED for A.

Progressing nicely


A is doing wonderful. The first day home, Wed, he was severely cranky and what seemed to be uncomfortable. He was straining do to gas and bowel movements. He was sent home on Re*glan to encourage his bowels to open up and flow. Well, we took him off of it and he is now a happy content pooping smiling baby. We both just felt like the drug was not necessary AND upsetting him. So far it proves to be the right decision.

S’s mom and grandmother are here until tonight and have been a great support and wonderful company. A’s great grandmother held him the entire day yesterday as S and her mom worked to get the house back in order after a wild and busy month. Thanks C and D!

My dad will be retuning on Sunday so A can have a few more weeks of recovery before starting daycare. Family is great!



yup, we're home.

Hospital: Tuesday - Update


Rumor has it that we'll be heading home tomorrow!!!!!

Hospital: Tuesday


A is now off of his IV. We are still working on feedings. He is progressing much more slowly than anyone had anticipated, but he's progressing and that is what we are happy about. Of course, we are rarin' to get out of here. I think tomorrow is overly optimistic, but hopefully on Thursday we'll be headed home. That may be optimistic too, I don't know.

In better news, A laughed for the first time. He laughed at Mutti. She was the most hilarious thing he'd ever seen. Of course, he was the best thing WE'D ever seen. It was fantastic!

Hospital: Sunday - Still slow and steady


A is doing quite well. This morning, the surgeon decided to up his feeds to 2 oz every two hours. The hope is that he tolerates them well and that we can go to ad lib feedings tomorrow (eating whatever he wants when he wants) as that will require more volume tolerance.

So, we know we aren't leaving here anytime before Tuesday. E probably has to go back to work before then, but I am staying out on leave until we go home. Grandpa is leaving today and Grandma (my mom) is coming this evening. Gladys misses us terribly and we're tired of sleeping on the worst couch EVER. Plus, A is getting kind of bored. Unfortunately, he's still hooked to an IV, so we can't do too much about the boredome.

Obviously, since I have the mental capacity to complain about these sorts of things,
A is healing well. We spend our days passing him back and forth for cuddles, singing songs, staring at his mobile (brought from home), and reading poetry books. A is ready for a change of scenery, but the days actually pass quickly, especially now that we feed him every 2 hours (which means we change his diapers every two hours too!)

Thank you again for all of your good hopes and thoughts. We are very fortunate to have such wonderful virtual friends.

Hospital: Friday - Slow & Steady wins the race


We've had another up and down day. The day started off with a nice big poop and the removal of the nose tube. That was followed up by some green throw up (felt like a major setback.) The surgery team did not put the tube back in, though. Instead, we received word around 4pm that A was allowed to EAT!! Not much, but an ounce every 2 hours is significantly more than he has eaten in 5 days!!!!

We'll see what tomorrow brings. One day (one step even) at a time. We are making progress with ups and downs along the way. Slow and steady wins the race though, and A is an absolute super star!

Hospital: Thursday #2- I think we'll call this progress


A had a real live poop today. Apparently, the previous ones were not what we were looking for, as today he had a nice big one that impressed everyone from the nurses to the nurse practitioner and the surgeon himself! A hates diaper changes (lots of cream for his never-before-pooped-on bottom), but his moms love them when they are full of his very first poops EVER.

We have received word that we will liklely remove the tube from A's nose tomorrow morning. There is an outside chance of feeding tomorrow afternoon (don't get carried away now!) Furthermore, the surgeon believes that rather than starting A back on his special formula (and working up to breastmilk), we will start him back on breastmilk when we move to real food!!!! (He will have to be on pedi.alite first, then a half-strength mix, and then on to the real stuff.) This is particularly uplifting for me, as you all know I've been religiously pumping since A was born. Not sure I'll be able to supply 100%, but at this point I should be kind of close.

So, things feel like they are finally moving. We are hanging in there ok. We had hoped to be further along by now, but the excellent progress today has lifted everyone's spirits. No one is in a rush to put food down, though, b/c the surgeons don't want us to overload A's system and give us a bigger set back. So, good news around here. Thank you for all of your love and support - we needed it (and still do a bit, I'd say. We're not done yet.)

ALSO, HUGE thank you to GRANDPA who is with us for each up and down while also holding down the fort over on D Drive. Gladys is well-walked & loved; the mail is piling up on the counter rather than the doorstep, and - most importantly - Erin and I have the freedom to focus on A and his healing. THANK YOU, Grandpa!!

Hospital: Thursday


Still no real reports around here. A is getting tired of being hooked up to so many things, but his intestines aren't "waking up" very quickly. He is healthy, just healing very slowly. Our spirits are ok. We are anxious for A to feel better. He just. doesn't. feel. good. And that's hard for his moms.