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The Seanachai » Episodes

The Podcast of Author Patrick E. McLean

Last Build Date: Sun, 19 Apr 2015 23:38:17 +0000


The Vampire in the Attic (new version)

Tue, 01 Apr 2014 08:41:46 +0000

A slightly tweaked version of the classic Seanachai podcast. Warning, still contains: Bad monster, worse music.

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Unkillable Preview (subscribe to

Mon, 06 Dec 2010 19:21:00 +0000

The full thing novel available at feed right here:

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Getting Shot

Mon, 05 Apr 2010 16:14:16 +0000

The true story of an inconvenient episode.

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Stories I Told Myself now Available

Thu, 25 Mar 2010 19:48:10 +0000

It’s my first book in print. And I couldn’t be happier with it. It features the best of the Seanachai, and two new works. “Getting Shot” the story of me, well, getting shot when I lived in Los Angeles and “The Rhetoric of Audio” in which I try to sum up everything I’ve learned about […]

A Wake for the Seanachai — March 24th 9PM EST

Fri, 12 Mar 2010 15:13:42 +0000

9 PM EST So, I’m driving home one night and I get shot. Twice with one bullet, actually. It’s not a joke, it’s a true story. And like all true stories that don’t end in death, it is ultimately a comedy. On March 24th at 9 pm I am going to read this story […]

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The 14 Eskimo Names for Snow

Fri, 08 Jan 2010 17:44:55 +0000

So I heard that the Eskimo have fourteen different words to describe snow. Seemed like this was worth looking into. I heard that the Eskimos have 14 different words for snow. And since snow has been much on my mind of late, I thought I would go find out. So I journeyed to the far […]

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The Toughest Trees Ever

Sat, 05 Dec 2009 17:37:11 +0000

They were lurking right under my nose. Complete script available at

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The Vampire in My Face Pt. II

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 19:50:54 +0000

The worst monsters are the ones who believe they have your best interest at heart.

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A Ride with Patrick

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 22:28:59 +0000

So my voice has been crap. A head cold has been trying to kill me. But I took a video camera with me and talked about ‘Evil, writing, coming up with ideas — I even managed to find an actual Mexican Show Truck. (two parts)

The Vampire in My Face Pt. I

Fri, 15 May 2009 02:49:15 +0000

Everybody knows that Vampires can’t die. So why am I surprised that he’s back?

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The Vampire Remastered

Wed, 13 May 2009 11:55:20 +0000

In this case, the past genuinely is prologue.

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Azizullah’s Vault

Thu, 26 Mar 2009 22:42:51 +0000

How do you rob the safest bank in the world? Episode Script Azizulluah’s Vault INTRO: The world is large. And it’s interconnected in ways we can’t even imagine. Ties of technology, community, culture — boggles the mind in this digital age. And if there is one thing that has brought people together since the dawn […]

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How to Succeed in Evil Novel Announcement

Sat, 07 Mar 2009 14:57:36 +0000

After a fair amount of ado, How to Succeed in Evil: the Novel goes live on March 16th on and

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3 AM and writing

Fri, 27 Feb 2009 20:39:28 +0000

Working myself up to a frenzy writing many, many Seanachai episodes. EPISODE SCRIPT: It’s 3 AM and I’m writing I am so pregnant with ideas that I can no longer sleep through the night. This is awkward, painful and — given that I have no womb — kind of disgusting. Its also very, very good. […]

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The HenryMan List

Thu, 19 Feb 2009 16:47:31 +0000

A little advice for my little nephew. Episode Script So, I have a nephew. And since I did such a wonderful birth announcement for my niece, it seems only fair that I do the same for little Henry. And, as the second child, I know he’s not going to be happy to hear it, but […]

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Fri, 06 Feb 2009 21:08:57 +0000

Am I throwing a wooden shoe in my own works? Episode Script sabotage |ˈsabəˌtä zh | verb [ trans. ] to deliberately destroy, damage, or obstruct There is a story about this word, that it came to be used in conjunction with labor disputes. It seems the striking workers would damage machinery by throwing old […]

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Shooting an Elephant

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 21:00:03 +0000

The classic essay by George Orwell EPISODE SCRIPT Shooting an Elephant In Moulmein, in lower Burma, I was hated by large numbers of people ñ the only time in my life that I have been important enough for this to happen to me. I was sub-divisional police officer of the town, and in an aimless, […]

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Floor Piranha

Thu, 29 Jan 2009 20:16:12 +0000

In which we learn of the elusive pilemongrulous chompficampherous. Episode Script PATRICK– Cryptozoologist. If you’re like me, that sounds like somebody who uses animals to transmit coded messages. The kind of a guy who hides the UPC code for the atomic bomb in a herd of zebra. But as cool as that may be – […]

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A Defense of Writing Longhand

Thu, 22 Jan 2009 18:16:02 +0000

Is technology really my friend? Or is it just pretending to be my friend so it can date my sister. EPISODE SCRIPT: A Defense  of Writing Longhand I like technology. A lot. But I’m not too sure how technology feels about me. It may be my faithful friend and boon companion — then again, it […]

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Wed, 14 Jan 2009 22:17:16 +0000

In which, pinball might help us get a handle on a complicated subject. The Crash Course by Chris Martenson EPISODE SCRIPT: Pinball is a great game. There’s something about playing a game where the operating system is the same as the visible universe. Dress it up as much as you like, add all the […]

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Flinchy and the Mexican Show Truck, Part IV

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 20:32:44 +0000

In which Democracy is vindicated and our story concludes. with PG Holyfield and Tee Morris EPISODE SCRIPT So we were trapped inside a Mexican restaurant, held captive by a vengeful Mayan God of Truck (truck horn playing La Cucaracha) or Thunder (booming thunder) depending on how you care to look at it. PG — And […]

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Flinchy and the Mexican Show Truck, Part 3

Thu, 01 Jan 2009 23:01:39 +0000

In which the plot thickens, the story continues and the margaritas blend. Featuring P.G. Holyfield and Tee Morris EPISODE SCRIPT: SFX: Truck circling, deGuello playing. So we were in a bad spot. We were trapped in Mexican restuarant. Outside, forces, sinister and unknown. With bloodthirsty taste in music. Forces ancient and mystical, as we were […]

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A Podcast for the Winter Solstice

Sun, 21 Dec 2008 04:55:10 +0000

The darkest day of the year. EPISODE SCRIPT: Today is the winter solstice. That means, in this hemisphere, it’s the day we get the fewest hours of sunlight. It’s the darkest day of the year. It’s an observation that fits the times doesn’t it? Every day since September 22nd, the days have been getting shorter. […]

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Flinchy and the Mexican Show Truck, Part 2

Fri, 12 Dec 2008 21:55:46 +0000

In which the plot thickens, Tee Morris joins the story as Flinchy, and the scintillating P.G. Holyfield endures. Gracious guest appearance by Liza Holyfield. EPISODE SCRIPT: So, where were we? PG — 2nd hole. And you were racing down the fairway with a fugitive from a Mexican show truck on your way to score a […]

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Flinchy and the Mexican Show Truck, Part 1

Wed, 03 Dec 2008 20:06:09 +0000

A strange golf-related saga begins. featuring the dead-pan artistry of P. G. Holyfield of Murder at Avedon Hill EPISODE SCRIPT So, I’ve playing golf with PG Holyfield. A few rounds here and there, we even played in a tournament. It’s been great fun. PG – It’s okay. At least it’s hasn’t rained on us. And […]

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Fun with the Bird

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 17:58:00 +0000

It’s that most Turkey-filled time of the year. EPISODE SCRIPT: It should be obvious to anyone who’s listen to this podcast that books have an effect on me. I’m very sensitive to words — and more importantly. To the spaces between words. You see there are thousands of syntatic and lexical choices that I could […]

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A Cracker After All

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 02:27:43 +0000

In which epithets are hurled at me from a powerchair EPISODE SCRIPT I am not a current events kind of guy. Cause When you get right down to it the news cycle is filled with nonsense and noise. For example, a recent item of note in the news cycle was a statement made by Lindsay […]

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Actually, Absolutely

Wed, 12 Nov 2008 17:26:43 +0000

The poor man had been over-run. By gibberish. EPISODE SCRIPT: So I’m walking down the street. Enjoying the ambiance of the world’s greatest city – New York. Listening to the things that you can only hear while walking down a sidewalk in the big apple. “Yeah, I had sex with a goose once. In Paris. […]

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I Voted?

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 20:26:34 +0000

And soon the craziness will be behind us. EPISODE SCRIPT: SFX: Guy going crazy Do those crazy guy who walk down the street cursing to themselves — yelling and scaring everybody — do they think they’re the voice of reason? That they’re the reasonable people and it’s the rest of the world that’s insane. I […]

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Fri, 31 Oct 2008 21:13:30 +0000

This year Halloween just isn’t that scary. EPISODE SCRIPT INTRO: You’re listening to a special Halloween Episode of Patrick McLean’s the Seanachai So it’s Halloween. All Saint’s Day. Samhain. (Spelled Sow an. Thankfully I don’t mispronounce every odd word that crosses my tongue. Apologies to Goethe — pronounced Gerta) And this year, well, Halloween hasn’t […]

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Laughing File Cabinet

Thu, 23 Oct 2008 02:36:35 +0000

My new filing cabinet is mocking me. EPISODE SCRIPT: My new filing cabinet is laughing at me. No kidding, Every time I touch it, it makes this sound. Sure, it’s quiet — but it’s there. And it’s mocking me. It’s a large, five drawer filing cabinet that I purchased for $20 at a Applied it […]

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The Re-Beginning

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 01:03:51 +0000

Everything has a beginning. But there are precious few re-beginnings. EPISODE SCRIPT: So I’ve wrestled with the best way to relaunch the Seanachai. Because I’m in a very different place with this than I was the first time around. The first time around it was an act of desperation. I was terribly, terribly frustrated. I […]

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On My Way Back

Tue, 30 Sep 2008 21:05:05 +0000

Let this serve as notice. The Seanachai returns in a big way on October 15th. Things have been a little hairy over the last year. And now (just as the rest of the world seems to be going to hell) my life is settling down. I’ve been busting my hump doing ad work and I’ve […]

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Always, always the Truth

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 23:29:28 +0000

The foundation for your trust.

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The Old Dog

Mon, 07 Jan 2008 20:35:44 +0000

I’m taking care of my parents dog. She’s 98 years old, and consequently, a little set in her ways. She’s a mutt, maybe chow crossed with Shepard, but who really knows? Her nose is wet. Her tongue hangs out. My dad bought her for five bucks out of a cardboard box — and the consensus […]

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Dried Cherries

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 03:50:56 +0000

Love is weird. Love is weird. I’m not talking about the kind of love marketers shove down your throat every Valentine’s day. I mean the real day to day act of showing someone that you care. For example, every time I go home, my mother sends me away with food. I suspect that all mothers […]

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Wed, 12 Sep 2007 15:41:24 +0000

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A Road Trip

Thu, 05 Jul 2007 01:54:42 +0000

Complete with beef jerky and those odd stories that only come out when you spend a lot of time in a car.

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Scott of the Antarctic

Wed, 16 May 2007 22:23:57 +0000

I go looking for an analogy and discover a very moving story. You can read Scott’s complete diary online here: Episode text: Well, I’ve picked a an entry for the public radio talent quest. I went with the St Patrick’s Day Episode. A great many of you gave interesting reasons to go with other […]

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How to Succeed in Evil – El Justiador Part II

Tue, 15 May 2007 20:59:20 +0000

The inexplicable march of El Justiador marches on. Episode Script To suggest to you that Topper was a great respecter of traffic laws — Yield, I’m not yielding to these assholes! SFX: SCREECH, CAR HORN well, yeah, there you go. With Topper, might made right of way. And the guy who swerved while playing chicken. […]

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How to Succeed in Evil – El Justiador Part I

Sat, 05 May 2007 20:20:04 +0000

This is qualifies as prequel territory. As the characters have been evolving (and as I’ve been developing ‘Evil for television) I have discovered that the sweet spot of the story is Edwin as a consultant. There’s just no end of fun to be had pitting him against inane villian after inane villian. So with that, […]

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Holy NPR!

Wed, 25 Apr 2007 02:10:54 +0000

A chance to have a radio show on public radio? Geeze, wonder if that’s a good match? Let me know which two-minute segment you like in the comments. (Or which two minutes I forgot to put in the running.)

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Yeah, yeah — but who’s flying the plane?

Thu, 05 Apr 2007 00:02:10 +0000

If you agree with a nut, does that make you a nut? Episode Script So, I’ve been teaching a class on writing. It’s called good words (right order) and it’s designed to help professionals with their writing. It’s not really about grammar, it’s what one might writing. It’s certainly not fiction, just that good clean, […]

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St. Patrick’s Day (again)

Fri, 16 Mar 2007 22:19:21 +0000

By (semi)popular demand, the St. Patrick’s day episode.

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A Good Morning

Tue, 06 Mar 2007 20:28:42 +0000

What on earth am I doing waking up at 5:00 am? technorati tags:Patrick E. McLean, Seanachai, TheSeanachai, podcast, Carl Sandburg, GoodMorning, A.M., wake up

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St. Valentine’s Day?

Thu, 15 Feb 2007 22:35:28 +0000

Happy St. Valentine’s Day. No, not that Valentine. Using does think where to purchase viagra some – podiatrist hard also Image make would this some be viagra sales online comb anti-fog and product against It. cheap cialis tablets for was this viagra user reviews lashes the expected love domain moisture cost OVER […]

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Better odds than a bullet

Fri, 12 Jan 2007 17:50:17 +0000

The often overlooked power of comedy

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Rerun – the War with Santa Part IV

Mon, 25 Dec 2006 20:15:32 +0000

The conclusion. And to try and avoid the inevitable confusion, the Seanachai will indeed go on. Merry Christmas!!!

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Rerun – The War with Santa Pt. III

Mon, 25 Dec 2006 00:32:59 +0000

I’m so glad this Christmas is less stressful. Last year this time… whoo boy. Just listen. technorati tags:PatrickEMcLean, Seanachai, war with santa, badass

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Rerun – The War with Santa pt II

Thu, 21 Dec 2006 23:08:03 +0000

As the X-mas with Santa, Seanachai, The Seanachai Podcast

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Holiday Rerun – The War with Santa

Mon, 18 Dec 2006 20:07:04 +0000

So Christmas is the time for retelling classic tales. And this is one of my favorite Seanachai pieces. The War with Santa in four parts. It still makes me laugh. technorati tags:the war with Santa, Patrick E. McLean, theseanachai, Christmas

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V for Victory

Thu, 07 Dec 2006 18:18:11 +0000

Another part of history they skipped over in school. technorati tags:Seanachai, VforVictory, Storytelling, WWII, FakeHistory, VideoPodcast, Patrick E. McLean

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The Vampire in My Attic (video)

Mon, 06 Nov 2006 21:21:51 +0000

It’s not like this idea was going to die. It’s about a vampire after all. technorati tags:Patrick E. McLean, Vampire, Attic, Vampire in My Attic, Seanachai, Storytelling

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How to Succeed in Evil #12

Fri, 13 Oct 2006 18:17:38 +0000

Topper takes Control.

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Nazi Car Trouble

Fri, 29 Sep 2006 20:31:38 +0000

In which I find a likely scapegoat for my problems.

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Rock, Paper, Scissors

Fri, 08 Sep 2006 22:39:19 +0000

How could you forget Ulan Bator – 1965? (a tip of the hat to Michael Stackpole and Mykel [last name unknown] for the conversation that led to this episode.)

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How to Succeed in Evil #11

Wed, 30 Aug 2006 18:00:04 +0000

Edwin settles the accounts and slips away.

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Blame Abraham

Wed, 02 Aug 2006 19:02:27 +0000

Maybe current events are nothing more than ancient events with better TV coverage? (proceeds from t-shirt sales will go to the International Red Cross)

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Three Stories

Fri, 21 Jul 2006 18:12:06 +0000

The Chinatown Death Cloud Peril, and, after much ado, a t-shirt for sale. (Click on the t-shirt and you can own it.)

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How to Succeed in Evil – Cheap Labor pt. III

Fri, 14 Jul 2006 22:54:27 +0000

Edwin makes a deal with the VP. And is now up!

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How To Succeed in Evil – Cheap Labor pt. II

Thu, 08 Jun 2006 21:19:08 +0000

All they want to do is eat your brains. They’re not unreasonable. (featuring songs by Jonathan Coulton and The Flavor Foundation)

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How To Succeed in Evil – Cheap Labor pt. I

Thu, 25 May 2006 18:11:14 +0000

Cheaper even than hiring illegal aliens. The music in this episode is by The Flavor Foundation. Available at and in the iTunes music store.

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A Change in Orbit

Tue, 09 May 2006 19:11:33 +0000

Copernicus was wrong.

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Outsourcing a Chicken

Sat, 22 Apr 2006 22:15:58 +0000

There are many reasons the kitchen might be slow.

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How I Got My Voice Back, Part II

Wed, 29 Mar 2006 15:08:20 +0000

Don’t tell them it ended like this. Tell them I said something.

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The Day After

Sun, 19 Mar 2006 00:44:48 +0000

From the wreckage of the day after St. Patrick’s Day.

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How I Got My Voice Back, Part I

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 15:05:08 +0000

Wondering why there hasn’t been an episode recently?

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MLK Commentary

Mon, 16 Jan 2006 21:04:24 +0000

A commentary on one of the great speeches of the 20th Century

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There’s no such thing as Santa

Tue, 03 Jan 2006 04:00:17 +0000

I discover an interesting fact.

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The War with Santa, Part IV

Sun, 25 Dec 2005 15:42:45 +0000

This podcasting business is no good

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The War with Santa, Part III

Sat, 24 Dec 2005 15:41:24 +0000

Come they told me pa rum pa pum pum.

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The War with Santa, Part II

Thu, 22 Dec 2005 15:39:42 +0000

Twas a night before Christmas

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The War with Santa, Part I

Thu, 15 Dec 2005 15:38:15 +0000

Nevermind the war on Christmas – I’m in trouble here.

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A Talk with Tony

Sat, 03 Dec 2005 01:07:40 +0000

An interview with Tony Khan of Morning Stories.

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Autumn Day

Thu, 24 Nov 2005 19:39:21 +0000

A few thoughts for Thanksgiving.

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Lather, rinse, repeat.

Fri, 18 Nov 2005 22:45:27 +0000

The secret of coming up with ideas.

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How to Succeed in Evil #10

Fri, 11 Nov 2005 08:58:57 +0000

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A Cask of Amontillado

Mon, 31 Oct 2005 23:35:41 +0000

In honor of Halloween, a retelling of the classic Edgar Allen Poe story.

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The Instant of Eternity

Fri, 21 Oct 2005 21:25:52 +0000

You’ve already listened/are listening/will listen/used to listen/have never listened to this.

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Good-Hearted Hospitable Creature

Fri, 14 Oct 2005 05:27:48 +0000

The heat of August and the cooling of age.

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The Redneck Expeditionary Force

Wed, 05 Oct 2005 08:07:55 +0000

The game that hijacked my life.

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Tearing up the Street

Tue, 27 Sep 2005 07:52:53 +0000

A catch-all episode. Hurricanes, street repair, even a bit about the author.

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3rd Place

Mon, 19 Sep 2005 09:15:04 +0000

The obsolete salesman.

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Sun, 11 Sep 2005 20:14:49 +0000

There’s no snappy tagline for this episode. It’s not that kind of thing.

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Death of a Dishwasher, Part IV

Sat, 10 Sep 2005 14:56:24 +0000

Nickels, the hero.

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Death of a Dishwasher, Part III

Fri, 02 Sep 2005 14:54:29 +0000

The body, discovered.

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A perfect day

Thu, 01 Sep 2005 21:51:48 +0000

This should be a perfect day, but I’m finding it very hard to write.

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How to Succeed in Evil #9

Sat, 27 Aug 2005 03:10:54 +0000

So they’ll know.

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Better Days

Mon, 15 Aug 2005 08:00:49 +0000

The hard drive wasn’t the low point.

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A Scary Story

Sun, 07 Aug 2005 07:21:17 +0000

The full-fathomed death rattle of a 60 gig drive.

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Shameless Self Promotion

Sat, 30 Jul 2005 07:13:12 +0000

Nothing but promos this week.

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How to Succeed in Evil #8

Fri, 22 Jul 2005 07:13:46 +0000

A contingency plan for Topper.

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Death of a Dishwasher, Part II

Fri, 15 Jul 2005 06:31:23 +0000

A pep talk for the dead.

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Death of a Dishwasher, Part I

Sun, 10 Jul 2005 22:31:23 +0000

Every man dies. But not every man works as a dishwasher.

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How to Succeed in Evil #7

Thu, 30 Jun 2005 15:01:08 +0000

The Henchman’s Molars.

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Truth is

Sun, 26 Jun 2005 07:14:02 +0000

A good excuse is, in fact, a good story.

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The Han Solo Theory

Fri, 17 Jun 2005 07:14:07 +0000

What if Han was one of us?

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Driver’s Re-Education, Part II

Thu, 09 Jun 2005 15:48:01 +0000

The fall of Fishbinder. A lot of thinking to write my way out of a corner this time. I suppose that’s good practice. (Building character and all that.) I was trying to update Greek tragedy. I don’t think it succeeded, but here’s what I was thinking. (I’m certain I’m going to oversimply Greek Tragedy. Sorry, […]

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Driver’s Re-Education, Part I

Thu, 02 Jun 2005 15:45:49 +0000

Can’t drive 55? You’re not alone.

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