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Blogging Through The Brokenness



Irregular blogging from a man, husband, father, friend, who sometimes stumbles down life's road If your heart is broken, you'll find GOD right there; if you're kicked in the gut, he'll help you catch your breath. Psalm 34:18



Updated: 2017-11-17T02:47:16.950-08:00

 



A Little Lost

2015-07-14T14:40:10.523-07:00

I feel like so much has gone on lately.
Kicked in the gut
Run over by a truck
surprised by the actions
of some
Caught off guard,
I feel unmoored,
unhinged
floored
Punched in the face
and knocked on the ground
floundering
flailing

I feel broken.

I feel a little lost

can't steady myself

What else?

There is hope,
even if I feel hopeless
Jesus, Help me
Throw me a rope,
give me a life raft
Save me from my fears.




Kicking the tires...

2011-11-09T22:05:43.561-08:00

It has been a long time since I've posted....Blogger is new looking and I have to get familiar with it again. 



NaPoWriMo # 27: Outside the Delirium

2010-04-27T09:04:38.719-07:00


Outside the Delirium

Orchestral movements, diorama dreams
Canines and felines swim slowly upstream
Tiny violins are playing for the complainers.
Overrun with roaches, my
Back scratcher has become a weapon.
Execution or eviction, either one
Reverse direction !

April 27, 2010



NaPoWriMo # 24: REX Surveys the Damage

2010-04-25T00:09:20.039-07:00

REX Surveys the Damage

There aren’t any plastic eggs
after four rains soaked
& overwhelmed his planet.
REX had hard words
for the weather bureau,
all were caught off guard
Clean up started,
all dogs of the planet
had trouble locating
missing bones & balls.

REX decided it was time
to visit his local Barkbucks,
get a double espresso,
ricochet some thoughts
& banter with the baristas.
He need to kills some time
till life got back to
the normal rhythm
and Dogopolis dried out.

Puddles everywhere,
papers & leaves still
floated like butterflies in migration.
When he’d get home
LULU would be glad to know
Barkbucks had cleaned up,
enough to be brewing again.
Soon the Bullet Tube
would be running again,
& working from home
would end.

April 24, 2010

Rex has also made appearances in 2009 and 2008.



NaPoWriMo # 22: Old Enemies

2010-04-23T08:24:57.053-07:00

Old Enemies

The day started as abruptly
as a bomb reverberating
outside the cold war shelter,
the shelter that was never use for
the bomb that never dropped.

The doors of the shelter were
covered in rust,
flowers filled the fears
of tomorrows predicted to
be replaced by mushroom clouds
instead of flinching, crouching under desks
we are all dizzy from the Wall
crumbling in 1989.

While we walked
the emporium of cold war relics,
a squall was building,
a fierce psychosis of false security,
as the loan bombers,
replaced the normal old enemies,
that once could always be
reachable
by a red phone.


April 22, 2010

This poem was based off a prompt at Read Write Poem that showed a Wordle.
Here is a Wordle made from my poem. You can make a Wordle to by going to http://www.wordle.net/



NaPoWriMo # 21: My Sister's News

2010-04-21T23:28:17.617-07:00


My Sister’s News

I know I should have been happy for you,
but I was so sad for me.
Colorado seems so far away.
I know it’s just a phone call,
just an email,
I know we live 100 miles apart now,
but Colorado seems so far away,
you’ll seem so far away.
It’s been a while
since we live so far apart.
We used to live 1000s and 1000s miles away,
you in California,
me in Massachusetts,
Then me in Florida,
you in California,
but it’s been so long.
I know I should be happy for you,
Colorado seems so far away.
but I’m so sad for me,
today.

April 21, 2010



NaPoWriMo # 20: April is Hard

2010-04-21T12:02:04.512-07:00

April Is Hard

Poems have been ruling over me.
Quantity over quality has weighed,
like a bag of bricks on my shoulders.
April is the cruelest month,
so said a great poet.
He must have participated in
NaPoWriMo 1930 something.

Pushing yourself can be good,
can be tiring,
can be surprising.
Worth the effort?
Of coarse it is!
When it’s run the course,
I may be hoarse
in my mind.
April has worn me
down, pushed me hard,
and stretched my writing muscles.
Will I do it again,
next year?
You bet!

April 20, 2010



NaPoWriMo # 18: Cat and Dogs

2010-04-21T12:01:17.960-07:00


 Cats and Dogs

Cats are self-centered,
doing what and when they want.
Loyalty does not seem to be there.
Dogs are another story.
You don’t hear of any Old Yeller cat books
Dogs aim to please, sometimes
almost worshiping the ground,
their owners walk on.
The cat could care less.




April 18, 2010
 



NaPoWriMo #16: Running From Myself

2010-04-16T22:50:31.037-07:00

Running From Myself

my heart is bursting
off my sleeves
I’m broken
the pieces feel
like they’ll never
come back together.
I tried to pick them up
but kicked them
across the floor
under the refrigerator
I could cry all day
weeping through the night
the fog hangs over me
I tried to climb
out of the depressed clouds
but I keep slipping
keep falling
back to the mess of me
can’t quite catch my breath
I’m drowning in pain.
composure’s hard to keep
aching heart bleeds
trying to fake it
barely can contain it
scared to face me
I keep hiding
keep running
but myself
catches up to me
and must run again,
must flee on the treadmill

April 14, 2010



NaPoWriMo #15: Flying Past Saturn

2010-04-16T00:14:05.474-07:00

Flying Past SaturnThe planet Saturn had me inawe when I was in 6th grade.I clipped newspaper articlesfrom the Providence Journal when I lived with my grandparents,and still went by Jamie, instead do James. I couldn’t get enough, day after day, in the paper,in National Geographic Magazine,that my Nana shared with me.Wondrous pictures taken by Voyager IBig dreams, vast dreams I had.My big Christmas presents that year,the Micronauts, little translucent spacementhat went through tubes; I played with them for hours.When did I stop dreaming about space?When did I stop clipping articles?Maybe the mess of nuclear family explosions,blew up my love of outer space,Saturn then JupiterKaboom!Kaboom The wonder went up in a mushroom cloud.Those dreams floatedout into to space,on the back of the Voyager.A bit of wonder,pieces of dreamscrept back upon me,when my two boys,asked for a telescope,after watching Nova:Hunting the Edge of Space.Magnificent pictures captured all of our imaginations. “Jamie” may catch a spaceshipflying to his dreams againApril 15, 2010[...]



NaPoWriMo #14: Poem Line

2010-04-21T12:00:39.769-07:00

Poem LineThis poem line has been removed to protect the writer.This poem line has been deleted to protect the innocent.This poem line has been stricken to protect the guilty.This poem line has been purged to preserve favorite conspiracy theories.This poem line has been expunged from the record to protect national security.This poem line has been rubbed out to protect the rubber eraser industry.This poem line has been recalled to preserve the Class Action Lawsuit industry.This poem line  has been blocked to exclude exclusive clubs .This poem line has been blacked out to preserve the white out industry.This poem line has been blown up to protect the dynamite makers.This poem line has been bleeped out to protect television companies.This poem line has been cut up to preserve the scissor makers.This poem line has been sterilized to be ready for surgery.This poem line has been forgotten to protect the dreamers.This poem line has been crossed out to make the easily angered, mad.April 14, 2010[...]



NaPoWriMo # 13: Paper Mache Monkeys

2010-04-14T09:13:57.592-07:00


Paper Mache Monkeys

The stories we tell
ourselves, the ending often
the same. Missing pieces,
lost chances, sometimes regrets.
Tigers in college changed
for one of many
manifestos, like changing shirts.
It still haunts us.
Yellowed papers float down,
like confetti ghost parades
trees batter our windows,
wake up, shake loose.
Vigorously fight off yellow
dogs, make war with
goblins, scratching and scraping,
tearing faded paper Mache
monkeys off our backs
choose a better story,
white out all misgivings,
writing on gilded paper.
Ink spots smeared across,
dress shirts crumpled on
broken mirrored closet floors.
The looking glass never
showed much after shattering.
Pick up shattered shards;
gather up broken dreams
fashion together with sweat,
heart pumping, passions yearning.

April 13, 2010




NaPoWriMo #12: Hack Attack

2010-04-13T09:02:14.118-07:00

Hack Attack

Alabama gray warms hallways
Japan, backs away as
Canada’s land grab starts small.
Pray that Alaska stays away
Wax, wan
Rattan Cane lawn lacks banana
Bar chart all Asthma attacks
Abraham’s sarcasm starts at Atlanta

Marshall Law starts alarm
Always alpha llamas swarm
Straws that crack clay
black claws astray
Macaw tall as salt grass,
Manx attacks
harass Bach’s halls
array carts and racks,
sand bass has mask.
Snaps back spasm and chasm ,
After Bahamas warm manta rays.
warns phantasm and mass class clash.

Any day, ask Graham.
Aack, a cat!



NaPoWriMo # 11: Click For Friends

2010-04-11T23:03:15.563-07:00

Click For Friends

Tick tock tick tock
The plains of Iowa have more ears of corn,
Than Facebook has users.
Tick tock tick tock
How many real faces are missed
Peering into all the virtual faces?
Click click click click
Tick tock tick tock
Loss of something?
We know more and more people,
Less and less.
Does the connecting me
Mean virtual ties,
Hold us together?
Will the bandwidth exceed
Our friendship bandwidth?
Click click click click


April 11, 2010



NaPoWriMo # 10: Wedding Day

2010-04-10T15:56:25.675-07:00

Wedding Day

My wedding day, I remember,
the intimacy of just us and the pastor,
quietly taking communion together,
that part was private,
an imaginary curtain drawn
around us.

My wedding day, I remember,
the reception at Nordahl hall,
All our friends and family were greeting
Us as our wedding party was eating
Mexican food first, passing in front of us
as if we were Royalty,
which we sort of were
for the day.

My wedding day, I remember,
the first dance, a song by Latin singer,
Juan Luis Guerra, Burbujas de Amor.
It ended and went to the next song,
more quickly than I wanted.

My wedding day, I remember,
dancing and dancing and dancing.
Then the cake,
we planned it out,
shove it in each other’s faces;
I think I shoved harder than
she expected,
everyone loved it.
I know I did!

My wedding day, I remember,
the throwing of rice,
running through the crowd,
like we were contestants
on The Price is Right,
as we dove into the limo,
happy for the day, yet
happy to be alone.

My wedding day, I remember,
But the memory fades a little, as that
was one of the many memories we’ve built
and are building over these 17 years.
The humor and joy is what I remember most,
As we celebrate each day and year together and
with our growing family, more adventure…

I remember and smile.

April 10, 2010
(image)



NaPoWriMo # 9: Connectedness

2010-04-09T23:43:36.962-07:00

Friendships important.
Loneliness brings heart sickness;
seek companionship.

April 9, 2010



NaPoWriMo #8: Step Into Your Life

2010-04-08T23:29:39.505-07:00


Step Into Your Life

Each step directs,
the last one
leaves behind
regrets
what ifs.
When there’s no
resolution
When there’s no
purpose
When there’s no
grand plan,
heart’s crest fallen.
Falcon crest
was a show in the 80s
I’m a fan of crest tooth paste
splitting hairs
mincing words,
tom foolery
Put behind
child’s play
Dream big
go for broke
burn the ships
Make a leap of faith.
Live larger
Take the first step.
April 8, 2010



NaPoWriMo #7: He Comes Quietly

2010-04-07T23:15:09.023-07:00

He Comes Quietly

The poem is slow in coming,
out run by his friend sleep,
who slips quietly in the back door,
unnoticed, but fast and hard.

Can’t shake him, he’s after me

Must out type him.

Can’t get past.

He comes

without

A word.

April 7, 2010



NaPoWriMo #6: Uncoiling

2010-04-06T23:19:36.818-07:00


Uncoiling

can’t get out the words
spiraling inside.
slow down.
Breathe deeper
Think clearly
Write it out.
Pull out the inside,
from the core,
can’t ignore.
Turn over
Shake it out,
bring emotion
to the fore

Subtlety
beyond depravity.
fight the gravity
That pulls down,
curtains drawn
to reveal the clown,
and his tracks of tears.
Feelings hidden,
white makeup hides
expression
fight the depression.
turn on the fog lights,
as you crawl through the mire.
Find the desire.
Don’t quench the fire.
inner thoughts,
not a liar.
Uncoil
uncoil.

April 6, 2010




NaPoWriMo #: Breathe

2010-04-05T23:30:04.156-07:00

Bursting upon the morning.
Moonbeams shine forth.
Catch your breath,
Breath deeply,
The Napalm never smelled so fresh.
Wake a smell the daisies.
Something is rotten in Finland,
Or was it Madagascar?
Wake up and smell the coffee.
Every breath you take
Someone will be watching you.



NaPoWriMo #4: Held Back

2010-04-04T23:42:26.458-07:00



Dams hold the water back,
power restrained.
Emotions dammed up,
spill out.
Is it like a leaking dike,
just plug it with your finger,
Or will water burst forth,
flooding everyone?
Emotions are more powerful.



Randomness: NaPoWriMo # 3

2010-04-04T00:20:29.906-07:00

What will I do with:
A ½ dog-eaten Patrick the Starfish ornament ,
a Soccer ball, one of the dozen my daughter has
Ibuprofen
Netflix envelopes that arrive almost daily in our mail
Tape measure,
fence that blew down two different times one winter
½ empty Starbucks cup,
one of my favorite addictions,
I mean places to go
Cinnamon Life Cereal can be good
sweet but not too sweet.
2 Grand Prix Derby Cars
will likely never be used.
Index cards to jot ideas,
I’ve jotted.
Can of Diet Coke,
sometimes a lifeline
Hand Sanitizer, germqphobia!
we will clean the world
Purple party streamers
from a party long ago
Gels pens bought to write out the Christmas cards
that we didn’t send
and didn’t write out

What would an archeologist think of all our stuff
100 years from now?

April 2, 2010



In My Mind: NaPoWriMo #2

2010-04-06T23:46:41.776-07:00

In My Mind

I climb the stairs to the attic
on my mind,
Pulling up the folding stairs
behind me

Alone, muffled voices recede
the attic’s rooms expand
before me.
wandering through the corridors
I pass flat screens
Sometimes stopping,
I catch glimpses,
DVDs for the real me,
in High-Def.

I visit the Hippocampus room
There goes the frontal cortex foyer.

I’m lost in the grey matter

April 2, 2010



Falling Down: NaPoWriMo #1

2010-04-01T21:05:40.869-07:00


Falling Down

Before going down,
back to bedlam and chaos
thoughts wander to better days,
a heartfelt celebration,
abundant joys.

Hearts swelled,
like a the Goodyear blimp,
up to lofty heights.
Jubilation.
Now feels forgotten,
like a tire
in life’s dumps
cast off
Falling from graces,
after the beautiful letdown,
I’m left speechless—
I know
I’m spoken for.

April 1, 2010
Based on a poetry challenge at Read Write Poem:  Shuffle Poem (http://readwritepoem.org/blog/2010/04/01/napowrimo-1-shuffle-a-poem/)Put your iPod on shuffle and write down the first 5 album titles and      use the complete album titles in a poem. My album titles are Speechless (Steven Curtis Chapman) Back to Bedlam (James Blunt), The Beautiful Letdown (Switchfoot), A Heartfelt Celebration (Reggie Coates), and Spoken For (Mercy Me).



Goal Formation for 2010

2010-01-23T22:06:59.698-08:00

I need some big hairy audacious goals this year.....I want to go for broke....I want a better story filled with passion and zeal. I want to strive and reach further than my grasp can reach. I don't want to settle; I don't want to shirk; I want to live abundantly! I want to have more of the 3 R's in my life this year: Reading, Running, & Writing! I have started my goals. I have the different areas I want to cover, which include Family, Physical, Emotional, Spiritual, Writing, and Work. Here are the goals I have so far: Family: I want to go out to breakfast with each of my kids on a separate Saturday of each month. I want to go out on a date once with my wife (Not including Anniversary and Birthdays). While not a goal necessarily, Becky are attending 7 week parenting class to just brush up things and get some good perspectives on parenting. Physical Health: I want to run a Half Marathon this year. I will most likely be running in a Half Marathon in San Francisco on November 7th of this year. I created a schedule on a spreadsheet, like I did when I trained for the 5K I ran in September. I will be running about every other day, slowly increasing my time & distance; the schedule is made through March 31st. As part of my training & motivation I registered for a 5K on April 11th and a 10K on August 15th, both in San Francisco through San Francisco Dolphin South End Runners Club. I will create a new schedule a couple weeks before that time based on my progress that has taken place. I will also start doing some cross-training and core exercises to improve my overall health and strength. Eating will be something I will look at as well; I think I have been too friendly with the donuts at work :-) Emotional/Mental Health: I want to go to counseling through my EAP program. I went to a counselor and talked about depression, stress and how I interact with people. I talked about how more or less I get swept up by other people’s stress at times. She said that sometimes people who have permissive parents have a hard time with “boundaries,” this can lead to reacting. Also, the counselor recommended that I get a book called, SOS Help for Emotions, which I ordered on Amazon but found the first chapter online as a PDF. I also want to explore the possible need for medication for depression instead of just St. John's Wort, but at the moment I will stay the course and continue on with exercise, etc for depression. I want to seek out new friendships and maintain/grow my existing friendships. I want to be content where I am and not always think that grass is greener somewhere else. Spiritual Health: This one is still in formation but I want these elements. Music worship, Journaling, and God's word. I need more specifics for this and will think and pray on this area. Writing: I will participate in National Poetry Writing Month in April, as I have the past two years. I want to possibly also commit to writing 100+ poems this year. I will write some longer piece of fiction, a short story or a childrens' book. As part of this, I am going to have a night, or day of the week where I take a break from online activities and do reading and writing. Currently I'm leaning towards doing this on Sunday or Sunday night. Work: I'm not sure what I want to do in this area. Will have to do more think on this. I am attending a class later this m[...]