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"I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that don’t work." - Thomas Alva Edison

Updated: 2017-02-07T20:50:09.251-08:00


It's that kind of day


I'm eating chocolate chips out of the peanut butter jar because my just-about-4 year old just pee'd all over me, himself, and half the bathroom including floor, walls, heater.  While we, ahem, I mean I was cleaning that up, he was crying that the floor was too cold to sit on to take off his pants.  So I stopped to do that, now he has no pants on, I'm still trying to clean up pee.  He's running around happy to be naked.  I can't imagine where he got the nudest streak from.  (shifting from foot to foot looking completely innocent)

Oh wait, what? While this was going on the dog ate his dinner off the table and knocked over the cup of milk? Of course he did.  He's the size of a horse and it's not even a small stretch to reach unattended food.  He also has a sensitive stomach so there will be land mines the size of basketballs in the yard later.  Gag!

I'm actually pretty sure my usually happy-go-lucky toddler has been replaced with a demon child.  Have you seen The Omen? He's currently losing his shit because the sleeve of his underneath shirt is sticking out longer than the sleeve of his sweatshirt.  He's forgotten how to ask for things and instead screams like he's facing certain death when he needs anything.  Like for instance, 5 minutes ago, I ran to the living room from the kitchen amidst hysterical screaming.  The remote fell on the floor and he couldn't reach it without taking his arm out of the blanket.  Do they make Snuggie's for children?

With a combined 3 hours of sleep over the last 2 nights, I feel I am ready to no longer be an adult.  Alcoholism, fatness, and a complete lack of pants is looking pretty good right now.  So, if you need me, you can find me in my blanket fort, drinking wine.  I may or may not be wearing pants.



Forgive me Blogger for I have sinned.  I've also forgot to blog for oh....I don't know...three years or so? I have to say before anything else, I've missed you Blog. You are my confidant, my soundboard, my grounding force where I can just let loose all the crap that flies around in my head without fear of judgement.  You don't care what I write, you happily accept all my random thoughts, grammatical errors, and spelling mistakes.

Quick recap of the past three years.

Daughter (D) is 19 almost 20.
D has nodules on her thyroid that are potentially cancerous. FUCK!
Son (S) is 3 almost 4.
I'm married (H)...for now.
I'm going to look at a house for sale on Monday without H's knowledge.  Looking for an escape.
I have a new job working provincially instead of Federally. Yay!
My boss is crazy attractive and that sucks ass.  Why couldn't he be an asshole and completely hideous.
I have a low functioning thyroid and potential for Rheumatoid Arthritis and crazy bad digestive issues.
I gave up gluten...mostly.  I fail sometimes and give in to temptation when it's something just so completely delicious, like cake, usually I have PMS, which I always regret. Always! Not the PMS, although I can do without that, but the cake. I guess I could do without that as well.
I'm 20 lbs overweight.  grr
I have PMS right now.
Can't decide if I want to fuck something, fuck something up, eat something, cry, or kill something.
I am a yoga teacher.  MUST. MEDITATE. NOW!
I am almost a personal trainer but I may not finish that.
My family is more fucked up than I thought which I discovered this past christmas.
I've rediscovered running and ran a half marathon last year.  No time or desire to run a full or even another half, but 10 is a good constant.
I swear a lot more than I used too.
Did I mention I have PMS? RIGHT NOW?
UGH, I'll be back.

Fart Friends


Definition of a Fart Friend:

In a nut shell, it's a friend you can fart around and everyone can have a great laugh at how disgusting it smells and no one is judging.

I have a couple of really great Fart Friends, unfortunately none of them live in PEI. I miss them terribly and wish I could see them more often. Stupid bridge toll**

I have a few people here that I have gotten to know through my husband and I would consider them friends, however, I'm unsure about farting. Not that I'm a big gas bag, just unsure as to how they would react if I really let my guard down and was my completely ridiculous self.

I miss home, it's so lonely here. Sniff!

**For those of you who are unfamiliar with Prince Edward Island, we are in fact, a tiny island on the East Coast of Canada and there is a ginormous bridge that takes you to the mainland. It's 13 km's long and costs 43.25 to cross it every time. Yup, that's right...EVERY TIME you leave. It's free to get ON the island, but it'll cost ya to get off. Now, keep in mind, this is for a regular 2 axle car. If you're driving a truck with more axles, it'll cost ya more. If you're dragging a trailer, YUP, you guessed right, it'll cost ya more. You cannot walk, bike, or hitch hike across. It's not allowed. There is a shuttle that will take you across (for a fee of course) but it's not reliable, has no set schedule, and if you just missed it, you'll likely have to wait over an hour for it to come back and get you. The other downside to that is you need someone on the other side to get you cuz there is absolutely NOTHING on the other side. It's completely desolate save for an eco-center and the nearest city is almost an hour of driving away. It's shit, not to be confused with "THE shit", it's just shit and it stinks.