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Healthy Selfishness

Updated: 2015-09-16T22:30:25.853-07:00


Bruno Pelletier


Bruno Pelletier is a kind of this year's discovery for me. This Canadian may be known to some english speaking listeners, however in Poland he is probably less than known. When I tried to buy his new CD I couldn't find in anywhere, so probably I'll have to search on e-bay. Nonetheless it's really worth to listen to his excellent voice, not forgetting his really good looks :)

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Nature's Duality


I haven't felt it for quite a long, more than a year actually. It strucked me few days ago, after the amazing Matt Dusk live concert I watched. It always does after I've felt great excitement- the longin for something unreachable dawns on me. It takes me few days to recover.
But there were times it lasted for weeks, making me miserable, but yet in a way also feeling sweet and dreamy. That was also the time my imagination fixated and creativness bloomed. The kind of self-destructive energy which found a comfy nest in my soul, like a parasite draining the optimism, but then again giving that sense of the possibilities I have.
That's the nature I have- on one side I cherish the moment I live (as I deeply feel that this life is all I have and I have to grasp it with my both hands), on the other- I long for the alluring things I can't even name, which I feel are getting away when I live the life I live. Stuck between the impossible and the present it requires from me a lot of time and self -improvement to hold the balance, sanity and harmony in my life.

The Short Story about My Son


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The King is dead - Long live the King


I'm thinking hard on how to start this post as every beginning that comes to my mind seems a cliché. It's always that way when You're dealing with something great. One feels speechless and overwhelmed when it comes to embracing it. That's why one can only focus on a small part of it, on one's own experience, on one's emotions. An no doubt Michael Jackson has been, is and will always be great. And it's really chalenging to write something that is not banal. To escape it, I will just drop few lines. The rest will stay deep inside me.
I remember listening to Michael Jackson's music back in my early school years. It was a frenzy hearing such music from pirate tapes (I come from Poland and those where the first years of capitalism after the cummunist era), looking at Michael's faces staring from the posters on my wall and watching his great videoclips. All my first musical infatuations came along with the platonic love for the idol. He was sooo handsome, so talented, the hell of a dancer ... . But when I started to mature, leaving those childlish obsession behind, the true value of that fascinanting music came into light. Countless times it made me shiver in excitement, gave me pure pleasure of listening to those genuinly mesmerizing tunes. Michael Jackson was a great artist and his work will be recognizable for ages.
Apart from his artistic creation, he was an exeptional, oversensitive man, who was definately overwhelmed by the life he was living. A controversial person who was accused of many things, but also given a boundless love. The mystery man, who lived the life in camera flashes, but has never revealed himself totally. Whatever is Your attitude towards Michael Jackson - the man, Micheal Jackson - the artist- will undeniably always be special and unique.
Rest In Peace My King.



The New Thing to Remember:
Contemplate the daily routine
It may sound hard to do, but once You switch to it, it gives the whole new meaning to the ordinary stuff that goes around. Try to do things precisely, with no hurry, focusing on one thing in time. Practising it gave me the balance and harmony, and that was exactly what I needed for the spring coming. It keeps my mind clear from anger and rush, making life easier to grasp. Go ahead and try. You won't regret it.

My Son- Dominik


I'm proud to announce that two months ago, on 1st of September, my baby has been born to this world. We've been waiting for him for 9 long months, and when He finally entered to our live we have instantly fallen in love with Him.
Having a child is an ongoing adventure. Every day brings new happiness. His smiles and "talking" make me cry with happy tears. It's love impossible to describe, a totally different shade of that feeling. I can't imagine the life without him now. And here's my boy:

Lucian Freud


You have probably already heard of Lucian Freud- the artist, whose painting "Benefits Supervisor Sleeping" was sold for more than 34 million dollars (22 million euros) in New York Tuesday, becoming the most expensive work ever by a living artist.

.I haven't seen his works before, but the one sold yesterday made me very interested in his paitings. So I searched art portals and there are few really cool examples of Lucian Freud's artistic talents I found.

(image) Reflection (self portrait), 1985

(image) Reflection with two children (self portrait), 1965
(image) Girl with a white dog, 1951-1952
Interior in Paddington, 1951

(image) 1947, Girl with a Kitten

A girl or a boy?


Friends call me a feminist. And I surely take myself for one. Limiting women's right in any part of life makes me furious. We are equal to men. We are as strong and as smart as men are. Centuries of male domination are over. Thanks to many bold women who started the change, we finally gain the respect we deserve. Therefore I can't agree with stereotypes that I sometimes hear from women.
Example: Few days ago I met a friend whom I haven't seen since I got pregnant. As she is a mother of one year old boy we talked a lot about the pregnancy and birth, as any advice and help I can get now is very valuable to me, especially from friends who have recently experienced what I go through now. Inevitably we also talked about the gender of the child, which is still unknown to me. So of course she asked what were my preferences. What could I say? I've always dreamed of a girl, but the moment I got pregnant the most important thing is that the child I'm bearing is healthy. Nothing more, nothing less. And there she comes with something like this : "I tell You, the boy is 100% better. At least he won't bring home a child". Come on! How can an educated woman say such rubbish? And even if that was supposed to be a joke, it wasn't funny to me at all. Saying such things degrade women and is appalling. Why do we have to demean ourselves this way, not appreciating the effort of years of ingenuine struggle of women to come to the place we are now?

Go with the Flow


Contrary to what we usually believe, moments like these, the best moments in our lives, are not passive, receptive, relaxing times - although such experiences can be enjoyable, if we have worked hard to attain them. The best moments usually occur when a person's body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.
I came across that quotation on Mind Hacks- the page I daily visit, dedicated to psychology issues. Taken from the book "Flow" which presents the theory of the state called by the author "the state of flow", the idea interested me very much. Flow (in short) is the mental state of operation in which the person is fully immersed in what he or she is doing by a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and success in the process of the activity.
I understand it as the moment of pure creativity, when the person is totally engrossed in the action, forgetting about the whole world, concentrating on this one and only thing. How many times it did happen to me- I can't even count. It's like getting into the depth of oneself and pouring one's inner consciousness into the activity, blending oneself with what one is doing, becoming the thing one is creating. It can be anything- drawing, singing, knitting, baking a cake, scrapbooking, learning new skills- whatever that makes me fully involved and happy. Though I try to live consciously and always mindfullness is my goal, those moments of full, subconscious engagement in activities are really precious to me.

Hello again!


Hello everybody! I haven't written and even checked on my blog for almost 5 months, but I see today that many of You are still dropping by. And that's the hell of an inspiration for me.
First of all, few words to explain myself why I haven't written for so long. Well, I've started writing blog in my national language and I didn't want to repeat myself. But now I think it doesn't have to be this way, or at least I'll try :). Many important things happened to me during those months of silence, but the most serious and the happiest, but also most surprising is definately pregnancy. That's the reason for the joy but also anxiety and great responsibility that fell upon me and my husband. Our now 23 weeks old Baby is growing in my womb, kicking from time to time, letting me know It really exists. That's the little miracle that's happening to me every minute of my life now, changing what I thought was uncheangable, creating what I thought could never exist, making me feel emotions I could never predict would be a part of me. The life is a continous adventure- now more exciting than ever. I hope I'll have opportunity to share it with You.

Creativity? Forget it!


It's been long since I was here last time! Sorry! I've been struggling with my throat illness but mostly I still struggle with the lack of inspiration. No time to wonder and wander. I spent my free time rearranging my house, cleaning piles of dust and dirt in the corners of my rooms what leaves just few seconds to read or watch something. I feel my creativity is at the level zero. Hope it will get better. I simply have to push myself and motivate somehow. Any advice?? Anyone??

They call it Halloween, I call it Memory


Forgive me the lack of inspiration that fell upon me in October. I'm a working girl, adrenaline hits my head, too many things to focus on.
But tomorrow will be the day of peace.
No matter whether You believe in god or You don't, each of us has relatives, the love ones, who are not with us anymore. Bones turned into ashes are blown away by the wind. It's the memory that lives. It's that simple- just don't forget.

Pin-up girls


I found pin-up girls really alluring. The images are frivolous, yet discreet, and very, very charming. More to see at Brenda's Babes. Enjoy!

Analog Earthquake


Hey guys! I wanna introduce the music of my very talented friend- Krystian, with whom I had pleasure working with few times. Check out his Analog Earthquake music. I hope someday we'll have a chance to do some music together.
Here's one of my favourite pieces he created lately.


Nobel Prize


Nobel prize in literature for Doris Lessing- prolific english writer.
Honestly speaking I've never before read any book or story by her, but I'm pleased that due to the Nobel prize I will have a chance to discover her prose. For those who also aren't familiar with Doris Lessing's writing, here's the link to her story "The Stare" published in The New Yorker (the magazine I truly adore for its intelligent and witful articles and fiction stories).

Nora and James


What a beautiful movie- "Nora" by Pat Murphy. The story of the life long relationship between Nora Barnacle and James Joyce. The hard love, full of great passion, but also pain of misunderstanding and sacrifice. Nora was Joyce's muse and inspiration. Their unconventional relation resulted also in controversial letters sent to each other, full of intimate and erotic parts, which unfortunately were never published by Joyce's relatives.
Back to the movie, James Joyce by Ewan McGregor was in my opinion one of this actor's finest performance.
The movie reminded me of John Huston's marvellous film- "The Dead", based on the last novel in "Dubliners" by James Joyce. The incredible atmosphere and the care for every detail, makes the movie a masterpiece. It was so influential, that after watching it I couldn't help, but read "Dubliners". That's when I discovered Joyce's genious prose

27th Birthday


What can be better than Birthday on lazy Sunday day?
The birthday cake is still in the oven, filling the house with marvellous smell,
the radio playing smooth jazzy songs and blues.
And it doesn't matter that it's gloomy outside,
beacuse the warmth of my home wraps me all around.
Home, sweet home on my Birthday.
My love ones on my Birthday.
Happiness is a small thing, right here in my heart.
And that's how it was on my 1st Birthday

Thanks Ben


Hi everybody! Let me introduce myself in picture this time. So, here I am!
That wonderful cartoon of me and my husband was made by a great artist Ben Heine,
whose talent and creativity are simply infinite.

See Ben, how happy You made me!



I'll consider Your gift as a birthday present.
I'm turning 27 on the 7th of October.



Scrapbooking is so alluring. I love looking at those tiny, creative works of art. I even bought few accessories to start scrapbooking by myself. But ... I'm afraid nothing but the s... will come out of it. However, I wouldn't be me if I didn't try. So maybe I'll show You some of my work (if they ever come to live).
How do You feel about scrapbooking?
Any valuable advice You can give me?

Housewife in 50's


The following is actually taken from a 1950s Home Economics textbook intended for High School girls; guidelines on how to prepare for married life. 1. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal - on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed. .2. Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift..3. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. .4. Prepare the children: Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces if they are small, comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. .5. Minimize the noise: At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of washer, dryer, dishwasher, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and be glad to see him. .6. Some DON'TS: Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't complain if he's late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day. .7. Make him comfortable: Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind. .8. Listen to him: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first. .9. Make the evening his: Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment; instead try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his need to be home and relax. .10. The Goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can relax. ...You know what? I'm lovin' it. And I'm lovin' those time ARE GONE :)[...]

My Quote: Rabindranath Tagore


The butterfly counts not months,
but moments
and has time enough.

Just a thought. Cherish a moment.

Illustration Art


If You want to get to know about artists who illustrated stories, advertisements and comics in the 20th century, visiting Illustration Art is a must.
I both enjoy watching and reading it. Truly engrossing.

Illustration by Norman Rockwell
If You have an interest interest in illustration from the 40's and 50's check out


Traveler's Soul


Do You happen to know who Ian Wright or Megan McCormick are? Anyone?
Probably You don't, unless You watch Travel Channel or Discovery Channel Adventure. They are both travelers, hosting their own travel programmes in the series Globe Trekker. Why do I mention them?
Firstly,because if I have more than a one free day (which is now, as I suffer from acute laryngitis), I love to indulge in watching travelling programmes. Yeah, the soul of the adventurer wakes up in my troubled existance, and with the click on the remote control, I can find myself anywhere I want. It's cheap, it's fascinating and of course ... it's lame, as it has nothing, I mean nothing to do with the adventure and travel. But, it's the first step to the real travelling and excitement, as there has to be a dream and desire for something to happen. And what's better way to make it burn, than firstly seeing those places and people on the Tv? It works for me, 'cause I'm a really curious person, always wanting to try everything on my own skin. Those programmes definately make my imagination work. And although I'm not a chronic traveler, my inner curiosty of the world made me travel to couple of places and countries I dreamed of. And you know what- I loved it.
Coming back to travelers, both Ian and Megan, are great hosts, which makes a real pleasure and fun discovering the world with them. What makes a traveler a good host? It's great sense of humour, curiosity, being open towards other people, but sometimes also being courages and ready for sacrifice and really crazy things that may happen- for instance hunting for anacondas. As for me, such host also has to be an erudite, but in both witty and comprehensible way. Such are Globe trekker presenters, which makes it one of the best travellers' quides programmes I've ever seen.



Teenagers. How difficult it is to sort out the problems when You're 13-14 and Your sister is 4 years younger than You? Believe me- I knew it. It seemed like the life she lived was totally different. Nothing in common, nothing to share, constant fighting. Nothing to talk about, because she couldn't understand problems I had, and I was far too immature to be understanding and help with her "childlish" issues.
Yes, I remember those years, and I also remember when it changed. It wasn't when I was 19- 20, but it happened I quess 3-4 years ago. It was when my sis was stepping into adult life, when the decisions she was to make were to determine what she'll do in her life, when she realised the responsibility for her actions and the future she had in front of her.
But it was also when I was mature enough to understand her, help her, and simply say "I love You", "I care for You". When I realised she has her own feelings and the right to make her own decisions in life. That's when I grew up to be supportive, not only nagging and giving advice.
We can disagree with each other, but we'll never fight. We'll help each other and support. I can surely say that she's one of my best friends. And it's so funny to see, that although we also thought we are totally different from each other, indeed we make the same mistakes and think the same things.
No wonder- we are Sisters.

The City I live in


I came up with an idea to show and tell You a little bit about the city I live in. If You know where Poland is :), then look on its North- East end. There You'll find the largest city of the region- Białystok ..The population of my city is almost 300 000 citizens, so it's not so small for people to know each other, but it's also not that big, that You have to travel from one side to the other for hours, waiting in traffic. As for me it's just fine. .More historical details You'll find following the link- Białystok, but in short, the first mention of the place in historical sources dates from 1437, but it received its city charter in 1749. From those days we have left many beautiful buildings. The most magnificent would be Branicki palace, which is surrounded by massive park with lots of charming benches and fountains. It's definately the place where couples in love can find a little peace cuddling, students come there after classes or exams, but it's also a great place for a Sunday walk, or a bike ride.. . . . . ..Białystok is a city with university. In Branicki Palace there is now a medical school. Near the Branicki park You'll find the building of the university law school, where I did my master degree in criminology.. ..More pictures to come soon.[...]