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Preview: The Adventures of Em

The Adventures of Em

Articles and Update of my Adventures on Earth

Updated: 2018-03-05T15:19:08.131-05:00




Animal Encounter: Silly Goose!


This morning I was relaxing and watching Stark Trex TNG, having breakfast and hanging out with my adorable and venerable Gordon the Shichon ( bichon + shih tzu pronounced SHEE-shon). I happened to look out the window (as I am doing more and more with the warning of Winter coming the trees put up a colour show!) to see a large brown paper bag. I zoned out and kept looking at it, and it just moved wrong. So with closer inspection I realized it was a big bird with head tucked invisibly within its grogeous drab plumage. What kind of bird? I wasn't sure! As a car went by at a stupid speed for a curved (and obstructed-view with hedges etc) residential street, I realized others might percieve it as a bag, and had a small and important choice to make: grab my camera and waste precious moments OR sprint out in the street and give it a better chance at not being Roadkill Surprise! I chose sprinting.

I was not wearing shoes. Purple socks. I was wearing layers upon layers as I am battling a lung cold/flu, purple flowery pj pants and a green jogging material skirt, a black tshirt with a maroon cardigan. It was cold too.

I approached it, meaning business, and it unraveled itself and stood up. It was a young adult and since it is hunting season here - I wondered if it had been shot for a second and then tried to back it onto the grass of the park. Nope. He hissed at me! Beak opened 45 degrees then 90.. I remembered the rules of bird posturing: get big.. really big.. and make crazy loud noises.. I opened my ample cardigan as my makeshift wings and made bedlamesque-voiced commands, "come on, silly goose, out of the street!" and it opened up its bodacious and wide-spanned wings (about a meter). I won the posturing match but it glided further down my street!!

"Noooo! OFF the street!" I ran after it and herded it towards the edge but it took a good risky amount of time till he or she finally decided to work with me. He waddled upon the green and safe grass! Yes! "Good! Now stay thete" and I chased him up toward the backyard of the home so he would take a safe nap within view of my window. Mission accomplished!

Just then, I noticed neighbors watching from a nearby door way and a window of a separate house who did not seem to see the goose. They just saw a crazy girl running down the street in pants and skirt yelling "get off the road" in socks and with fresh Kleenex tucked into every pocket and fold of fabric. Grreeeeeat! ;)

But the goose.. Is safe!

Ps. No pics tho :(

- Posted using BlogPress by Emilie L

Lionel the Lionheart!


This week something both horrifying and joyful happened that I thought I would share on facebook via my Blog.
Please! If you are easily upset or disturbed by severely injured animals, don't read this next part. Read Happy Endings at the end of this post!!!

The Sad Part
Yannick, my soul mate and best friend, heard about a cat with something wrong with its eyes through his mother's coworkers at a care Mansion. (He was taking his days off at his home in Cornwall, where his Mom lives too.) They were brought this tiny kitten, looking no more than two weeks old, and much to Yannick and his mom's horror.. The eyes were not only wrong but they had been shredded and externallized. Yannick hypothesizes a weed whacker whipped the lil guy's head at the eyes. They acted quickly, rushing the no name kitten to the vet and all agreed action had to be taken immediately, it was late at night and it was a fragile and emotional quest.

This was a cat who had been in the wild. He was flea ridden, but the vet treated it, dirty, and alone when found.

Brave Lion
The little one didn't show any signs of pain, no crying, no shudders or evasive movements when handled. No complaints. But also, no eyes. He was, and is to be, blind - I don't want to get your hopes up on that sadness. However at the end of this I'll explain research how it will be overcome.
Yannick decided he would pay for surgery to keep this junior cat alive! He waited nervously for the time to call and find out how the operation went, and it went well! He was so tough and doing so well. He could go home the next afternoon! And he did!

******Happy Endings******

So now there is a new feline in our lives, from a hard life into the lucky life of being selflessly rescued by Yannick and his mother. Yannick sacrificed a great deal of time and money, getting him the life saving surgery.

I came up with some names, but my favorite names had to do with Leo.. For many reasons. My beloved Grandfather Lionel is someone I have always greatly admired for his strength, courage, and wisdom. The kitten showed he has the heart of a lion, finding help instead of just finding a spot to die! He was born during the Zodiac sign Leo. He is feline so related to the big cats. He purrs loud! So after deliberation over dozens of names, Yannick and his Mom decided that Lionel fit :)

Facts about Lionel:
- He has been aged about four weeks old
- He is a long hair
- He is white with grey areas
- He has a a very strong apetite
- He is very affectionate and loves to be cuddled
- He wears a cone around his neck to stop him from touching the drains from his surgery.
- He is about the size of a large guinea pig.
- He is a very happy cat.

I am going to meet him in person next week, as he is staying with Nick's Mom during his recovery and until we buy our house. I don't know if I will be allergic, so I hope not. Yannick is smitten with this kitten.

I will post photographs when I can, Nick's friend Chris has some pics from last night.

Your prayers and wishes are welcome to help Lionel stay healthy and happy!

I will post some research later, as I have been reading about blindness in kittens online.

(the above art is by Victoria Frances, look her up she's amazingly talented)

- Posted using BlogPress by Emilie

Yup, another Earthquake! Eastern Ontario. August 23rd 2011


Several back and forth style tremors felt in Orleans, Ottawa, and Cornwall.. Calling around for more locations. Share your stories and lemme know!!

Update: Virginia!!! 5.8 epicenter????
New York STATE, Ohio felt it.

Lol CNN still have not posted about Canadians feeling the quakes.

Update: London, Ontario checked in - sorry the comment system is mailing by not authoizing very quickly. Yup, it's the same quake!!

Update: Montreal felt it

Thanks for all your comments, I will put the info in this post as they come in and publish them once I can get the authorization to work :s Chaple Hill ty for comment!! You felt it too!

Update: up to the Laurentian Mountains!

Update: Pennsylvania felt it

Update: people are feeling it in Fredrickton, New Brunswick!

Oh and reporters are now starting to pump out the multiple locations. Good job!!!!

Update: Thanks for reporting in Maryland!

Update: Thanks for reporting Michigan! Detroit!

Update: Thanks for your report Delaware, Chicago, New York City, and Conneticut!

Update: Thanks friends in Sudbury, North Bay, and Hamilton Ontario. I appreciate the reports so I can see the distance.

Update: Thanks to Toronto and Indiana for reporting in!

A lot of people are getting evacuated in case of aftershocks which csn be more powerful than the initial quakes. We counted three here in Ottawa. Again, like last time.. My fibromyalgia was acting up like crazy before the quake and I had to lay down, I am always in bed when these things strike. Interesting. Keep the locations coming and I will post them when I can. I love hearing these tremor tales!

Update: the quakes were reported to me in Waterloo Ontario, Belleville, Windsor, and South Carolina. Thus ends my hour of amateur reporting!! Thanks for your reports and I will see you next time I have an interesting project ;)

After the first one (here I would say it was around 3 on the RS) I went to the bathroom and got another one.. O m g .. I felt seasick!! It was interesting. It was slight enough not to be at all scary but enough to be fun. Those are the good types of quakes ;)

Tip: avoid going to the bathroom while an earthquake is in progress! Feels sooooo wrong.

- Posted using BlogPress by Emilie L

Chronic Illness/Pain tip: Know the Spoon Theory


Joining Twitter has been a boon for the stress of my illness. It is a Perfect analogy for how people with chronic illness and/or pain must manage their lives. I kept seeing people with Chronic Illness use the tag #spoonie and so set out to find out what that was. I was changed by the answer after I read said theory.

Christine Miserandino is definitely a Hero in the pantheon of chronic illness. Thank you very much for this amazingly accurate analogy!!

I encourage you to read the full article (click on pic below) but for those of you who want a quick answer due to fibrofog or rush:

Every day chronically ill people start off with a set amount of energy and tolerance. With each activity that amount of energy/tolerance is less and less, until the sufferrer must stop* - otherwise the following days or even weeks will have a debt of fatigue, pain and other consequences*.

Stop = Bedridden or must sleep or just do nothing.
Consequences = major side effects common to the illness, for example fibro sufferrers may get thick fibrofog or dizziness or digestive inflammation which leads to constipation or diarrhea.. Etc.

The Spoon Theory by Christine Miserandino at - Click on the pic below to read it :) It will show how Lupus Warrior Christine used spoons to explain to a close friend her experience compared to 'normal' folk.


- Posted using BlogPress by Emilie L

Fibromyalgia Tip: Spots (Pain Tip)


Focus on a part of your body that does not hurt ar the moment. It can be big as a limb or small as a pencil eraser's tip. Focus on that art with all of your mind. Search for more places if you have some, again the smallest pieces of nonpain will work. If none of you is like that.. Find a place with less pain than the rest.
Focus on all these places with all of your mind.
Try to "grow" the spots with your mind, picture them dilating and relaxing.
Keep focusing for ten minutes. Just focusing on the painless areas will help the mind relax pain signals as it tends to overreact during pain episode and showing it less pain in as many areas as they exist will stop that overreaction.

As always: practice makes perfect. I have tested this method for over six months and have severe fibro pain: this works. Put your heart in it.

I find calming music helps.
Press your thumb to your index finger's knuckle (whichever feels comfortable) while you focus. Doing this enough will allow you to have a Pavlovian response next time you touch your thumb to knuckle. Save the other fingers and knuckles for different responses - I will be adding more tip. When you train enough, day after day, you will be able to just touch thumb to index finger knuckle and get a pain relief automatically.
Breathe in slow and deeply: breathe in counting to four, hold two, breathe out eight, hold two, and repeat. On the out breath, try to do it gently and slowly.

- Posted using BlogPress by Emilie L

How to Woo a Worthwhile Woman - Meeting her Part 1 - Intro to the series


After downloading and giving advice on the newish app Opinionaided, a great deal of men drew my attention to a problem so many men seem to face: How do you find, woo, and keep a worthwhile woman?Qualifications: I have been a woman for 30 years, my job includes but is not limited to counselling men and women about relationship problems, I have known many women and men in my life too and have had extensive relationship experience. And I am crazy about learning.. Including the human struggle to find and keep and please a mate.Note: I think any human being is qualified to give their opinion/advice on such a topic as we are all humans and therefore experts in the human condition in some way. Take any advice you get from amateurs or professionals with hesitation and analysis.. Critical thinking and common sense must be applied to everything you read anywhere.What is a worthwhile woman? A woman who takes dating and love serious enough not to be flippant, and does not take it too serious enough to be crazed and desperate. A woman who can love and has the capacity to overcome or at least take on the dangers of opening themselves up to love. A woman who is brave enough to open herself to trust but wise enough to know when not to. A woman capable of commitment, tenderness, compassion, understanding, and humor. This does not by any means suggest that she should be obedient or blindly servile.. That is not a good thing. Usually those women are hurt and need healing. That does not mean she is not worthwhile, however, it means you cannot be a lazy man that takes advantage or her pain. A worthwhile woman should be able to spot a worthwhile man.. With the qualities I listed for the worthwhile woman. Worthwhile is sexless, all encompassing.Flippant: someone who doesn't take you seriously in love is probably closed hearted and might end up cheating or just plain lose interest or you will do that to her. One must be cautious of flippancy but not mistake it for a frivolous sense of humor, or faking flippancy. How do you tell the difference? Ask. Do you take our relationship seriously? Honesty and outright clarity will not phase a worthwhile woman but improve her respect and intimacy with the worthwhile man. If your girl freaks out, do be patient and let her think about the question for a day. She may have her reasons, and the worthwhile ones will explain them if you ask what they are. What are your true reasons for not taking it seriously? Could it be fear that I do not? Could it be fear that our relationship will fail? Could it be history clouding your thoughts? Tell me about it? These questions may not only clear things up and confirm a worthwhile mate, but also bring you closer together in that communication and honesty. Keep the questions away from padding or fancy vocabulary as basic will ring true of genuine motive.Desperation: people can get desperate, even the worthwhile woman and man. Don't judge too quickly, take your time and ask questions. Sometimes, however, desperation can be a sign of needy, clingy, controlling, manipulative and dangerous behavior. One way to find out if the desperation is bad is by taking your time in the relationship from the first moment.. A desperate yet sane and perhaps worthwhile partner will be okay with that. Bad desperates will get worse over time. Don't commit to any labels until you are sure she is not dangerous. The worthwhile woman will become clear if you say outright: you seem a bit desperate and that unsettles me, I really like you but want to know if you like me for who I am and not just a warm body or hobby. She may be upset or mad, fuming perhaps, but stated without sass and with kindness and honesty: she will understand your concerns and perhaps even benefit from such a query into her motives and outward appearance. Personally when my beloved poses me with criticisms I adore his way. It is not mean or teasing, he is genuinely con[...]

Vocabulary Building: Free Ap Review


Ap Review: Vocabulary BuildersBeing a big nerdy fan of expanding minds, including my vocabulary, I decided to download all the free vocabulary building aps I could have patience for... And then review them in order to choose the one that will sit on my device desktop. And yes, I know I need to hone my grammar.I am testing not only builders but quiz aps and games, as I am looking for anything to help build vocabulary. I will be rating each on word difficulty and amount, presentation, ease of use, and how well you can learn from the program.Vocabolistic, iPhone, iPad, iPod First impression: this was designed for the iPhone, and also designed casually. Advertising lines the bottom of the interface and helps this stay free so it isn't as annoying when that input into perspective. You have gear icons that are the settings, a Home icon on the right for when you want to go back from the word lists and quizzes.What I like at first use is the fact that you can select words from those you haven't yet read from those you already have read.It is a basic program but has great word learning value in terms of personal study. There is a quiz function. I am definitely keeping this one.The amount of words is more than satisfactory, the difficulty too, and can be browsed alphabetically by using the letters on the right side of the word list like a scroller. Easy to use, clean, and simple. You can pick up and use it without tutorials.The definitions, however, are short and basic. You have the basic definition in a handful of words, then you have antonyms and synonyms.Oh and I love that you can rate words by difficulty next to the quiz button. Sweet. Then you can access words by your ratings... Hard, medium and easy.Next, we have Articulate!Made for the iPhone but compatible with iPad and iPod, rectangle interface.At first I was enamored with this, but then it stopped working (connectivity issues, saying I wasn't connected to the net.) I will keep an eye on future bug fixes.If this works for you, I recommend trying it. It is a vocabulary quiz. Multiple choice. Great words, as far as I could tell before it stopped working. I will update this if and when The program works.Vocabulary Bubble Free, Game, iPad, iPod, iPhone , designed for iPhone by Donoma Games.Cool game. Easy to use, easy to pick up, colorful. You can even sign up to submit your scores. Competition is great for learning, and so this is definitely a plus.Here is how you play... you are faced with a definition at the top of the screen (horizontal iPhone format, no gyro) which you must match to words floating about in colorful bubbles. There is a time limit, so you must pick quickly. Correct answers gets you additional time. When you run out of time, a final score will appear. The time limit adds to the learning experience greatly, quickening the mind with a frenzied kick to the bum... So to speak. But it is more memorization than comprehension. As a word builder on it's own you will not get that full-flavored comprehension aspect.Definitely a great way to quiz if you are fast enough, and even if you aren't, it'll make you faster at recognizing and defining on the spot.. Very useful in conversation.After using this for only (twenty) minutes my score quadrupled. Impressive little ap.Next we have AccelaStudy, for iPhone, iPod, iPad. Rectangle format.100 words in this free version. Satisfactory length of definition, but it also has the great feature of saying the word aloud for pronunciation. This is extensively important when using new words in conversation. How painfully embarrassing mispronouncing a difficult word you are proud of learning! This is something the perfect vocabulary builder would have.There is also the wonderful context function which gives two sentences in which the word is properly used.There is a quiz function, very basic and dry, but useful and mature.You can study the words[...]

Morale Boosting Tip 1


It's not all bitterness. Even with severe pain and symptoms, I am a generally happy, bubbly, and positive person. Sometimes I don't appear so due to facial expressions and stress in my voice - but nine out of ten times I am happy and satisfied with my life.
Every day, and this is perhaps the most bolstering of activities, I make a list of things I have that make me happy and a list if things I am so glad I do not have. Usually I do this in my head, but for the purpose of blogging, imma list it in writing. Also, note that I don't mind if you put fibromyalgia on your list... So please don't get upset if you have one of the diseases on the list. It's not an insult. It's an example of something difficult.

Happy list for September 26, 2010 ( the lists are both usually longer but my hands hurt so I shorten )
- I have a wonderful and perfect boyfriend soulmate that loves me tons
- I have a wonderful family, couldn't ask for better
- I am in a great country with great medical care that makes my life so much less stressful
- I of course have the best dog
- I am in a nice home with my loving family.
- I have a notebook filled with lists like this an inch thick and rarely repeating.. Although some things deserve repeating.
Things I am glad I don't have
- I am debt free
- I do not have MS or ALS
- I do not have cancer, that I know of
- I am not sense impaired
- I do not have Leprosy
- I do not have a flesh eating disease

This is a small list, but I try to do longer mental lists as a bolstering device. Don't make each item too complicated, as you might get stuck on one and get depressed that you can't make either list long enough. Little things are important. Little positive things can do a lot for blue days.

New post!


For a long while I've not written here due to pain at my desktop computer. I have a new interface, so hopefully I will be able to write more. Recently, yet more research has proven that journalling is good for what ails us... Including pain.I am lost when it comes to where to start, what to do with the blog.. Brainstorm. Fibroventing and info, app reviews, Gordie, life. Sorry this sounds just like a boring regular blog. Maybe it won't, maybe it will.First, bad. Then good.Fibromyalgia has done a good job at painting me into a tight corner. Pain and symptoms continue to escalate. The pain scale goes:0-10. Zero being no pain and ten bring the worst pain imaginable. My imagination for that ten worst possible I can imagine grows further than I am comfortable with. It scares me greatly that the pain keeps getting worse. When I was in high school it made me grumpy, especially since I didn't know I had fibromyalgia.. I always thought I was just a wimp. But as it got worse I started to see doctors about it. Growing pains. Depression. Bad excuses that I knew could not be right. So I started to focus on the most localized pain, the uterine pain. PCOS, endometriosis, fibroids.. Confirmed. But some of the symptoms didn't fit. More doctors, more tests. More pain, and more disabling effects. Fired from two jobs for going to the emergency room more often than they'd like.. Then the diagnosis. So I have it. People around me, not my immediate family, started to say things like "I thought you had endometriosis... Not fibromyalgia" and "so why is it disabling now and not in highschool?"and "if you're in so much pain, why aren't you screaming?" and "you must be exaggerating or faking because you don't look sick or in pain."Of course there was much more stupidity in quotes, but I want to continue.This infuriated me, of course, especially coming from people close to me. I was blessed with wonderful parents, and they always knew the truth of my pain because they saw the effects every minute they were around me. Others judged upon their experience, their thoughts, their ignorant crap. People I respected, or at least tried to. Long story of course.I had two friends that mostly understood what I went thru, one that really really understood out of those two. One I thought did wholly but turned out there was a lot missing. Both very nice people and deserving of happiness, but of course you saw the past tense there in the first sentence of this paragraph. As the illness grew thicker and deeper roots, became worse exponentially, I became less and less relatable, and so did they. I changed into something alien. More misunderstandings lead to more fights, and they needed things of me I could not supply.Thus as things withered, my heart ached and hardened to what was to come. The last respective straws loaded on my back and I was not able to support it anymore.Next.Another person was so obviously disgusted and doubtful of my condition that it came to harsh situations I would rather not get into. It continues, I think, but no longer am I getting words about it. To this person... I am a liar, lazy, slobbish, and just plain wimpy. I should toughen up! I should work full time! I should be stronger and tough it out. This is a painful thing for me, but there is nothing i can do.For anyone who has an invisible illness, this is a fact of life: some people will be disgusted with you, distrustful, and disappointed. Why?Why!That question haunted me for quite some time, but along the way I have discovered aspects of the possible answer.People that are disgusted and disappointed in people with invisible illness are usually people that try too hard in life, sacrificers, and work their butts off to less result than they expect. Working too hard in life means they put in more effort than is physically and mentally safe, and th[...]



If you haven't already seen it.. you should - at least once. I saw it on Attack of the Show and required myself to spread it.

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Egg-scavation: Turtle Eggs Part Two!


After consideration and study - the turtles were in a bad place. Foot traffic, possibly car traffic - dogs off leash, egg predators - and a massive colony of ants. Excavating the eggs is a careful process. You can't just go with a shovel or small garden spade. Nope. The eggs are fragile, easily perforated. They are also required to stay in the same position, as the fetus is attached to the egg's skin. Detatchment.. well, is bad. The turtle will most likely die if you do that. So - here is what I did. First, I excavated a thin layer of soil - as well as weeds and grass that had grown over the site. The picture directly below shows the site after I did this. The white isn't an egg (bottom of pic) it's the plastic spoon I was using. It wasn't sharp so there would be less danger involved. Next, I dug carefully with the spoon, wiping away with a large paintbrush - bristles about 2x2 inches and 0.5 inches thickness. Slow and steady, turtle style! I admit, I was getting discouraged, I felt the eggs were close but I wasn't finding any! I was finding LOTS of ants and dead roots, however - which tipped me off. The dead roots had been uprooted by the mother, so I dug more in the dead root area. After forty minutes of diggin - I gasped. I could see three little eggs...I marked each one by one - with a nontoxic marker. An X on each egg. I carefully excavated the area around each egg with the paintbrush and my fingers. (Make sure you wash your hands before and after this procedure - should you need to do it.) Remember, the eggs absorb things - (air, water, etc) you don't want to use poisonous substances in this process. Below, you can see one of the eggs, marked with an X - and a few roots around it. The roots were hard to get through, but of course worth every minute of it.I carefully removed each egg. Keeping it X side up, gently scooping it up with the spoon and my fingers. I had made little nest-like holes in some potting soil I poured into a plastic container. Each egg was nestled in its own little nook. You'll get to see this in the next post I write about the eggs in my home. In one of the photographs - you can actually see an ant egg. You see the photo above this text? It's in the top left quadrant near the edge. There were dozens of them around the broken egg. Out of 9 eggs, only one was broken and being feasted on by the large colony of ants. It was humbling to see the ants heaving the eggs to safety as I used a paint brush and plastic spoon to excavate the nest. They rushed them to a nearby hole, disappearing one by one in beautiful order. I left the broken egg to the ants after making sure there wasn't a turtle in it. A bit of fact-finding. Are these eggs fertilized? We'll see. Part three coming soon![...]

Turtle Saga!


1. Tooga towards the end of her laying...(image)

This is Tooga, an Eastern Painted Turtle (to my untrained eye and googling), she came to the yard in front of my home and laid eggs in late May. This is a photo of her laying her eggs - she didn't like it when I went around her, so I stayed on this end, further away, so that I could get a shot without bugging her too much. It took quite a while for her to lay her 9 eggs in a fairly deep hole in the yard. It was on a patch that hadn't taken to grass - mainly clover as you can see in the photos. I am posting about it now because, as usual, I've been struggling the epic battle of freakishly severe fibromyalgia.
Anyways, the scene was beautiful - a sunset, soft breeze on a nice warm Spring day.. All quiet and almost no one noticed me sitting with a sketchbook on the ground - sketching Tooga as she did her thing. I made sure no neighborhood dogs got to her - which was a little scary. We live next to a "no leash" park.. which don't get me started on it.. I'm so bitter at people who don't care if their dogs bite human children or adults. I would never let my dog out of my control unless I knew 100% that I had control over him not to do harm to anyone.
Anyways - here is Tooga towards the end of her laying..(image)
It took her a couple of hours, then she rested on our lawn under a pine tree all night - and my Mom escorted her safely out of the way of the street.
Tooga was not seen again, and we left the eggs alone. Many dangers began to show themselves over the next month, and so something had to be done if these eggs were going to make it. Urban sites next to roads and no-leash parks... I wanted to give them a better chance.. and good thing I did..
Next: Egg Excavation!

Earthquake in Ottawa June 23rd 2010


Update #2: 5.0 - 5.7 now - bedrock spreads the energy further - I've heard that several US states felt it - and of course Ottawa and Quebec. I've heard two accounts of the epicentre now: the St. Laurent River - and Chelsea, Quebec - North of Ottawa.
So far no injuries. Except the pride of a certain NDP conference - the same image of the conference being interrupted over and over again - same dude looking confused and trying not to look panicky.

Update - it was a 5.5 Surface Earthquake 11 miles down Epicentre near Ottawa - From Montreal to Toronto. So the news say, however they didn't talk about the width - although I know it went at least to North Bay and was still powerful there. Mainly I wanted to post as I couldn't find anything about this online - and the news was all about Obama's speech.. So just in case you're wondering sort of thing.
Many people in Ottawa and Toronto were worried about bombings, terrorists - or protestors going too far due to the G8 and G20. Some were caught in elevators! Can you imagine??

Yep, that was an earthquake.. big and long and reached at least to North Bay, Ontario only at most a minute after it hit Ottawa - around 1:50pm. I was on the phone with my Dad while he was there, he called not knowing about it - just to tell me he'd reached his destination - and as soon as I told him about it, it hit him and I could hear my grandmother scared.
I'm trying to find news on what that was on the scale, and trying to pick up all the stuff that's fallen off the shelves and walls in the house.
Weird thing was, my pain has been bad since 3am - I wonder if there is a connection? I can predict weather with insane accuracy due to my fibromyalgia but what about tension in the Earth's crust? Probably not, but it'll be interesting to see if the huge pain increases happen again before the next quake.

Now comes the weird part..


Now I've got a weird flare up of tiredness... very strange and very annoying! Like the "sleeping sickness" but not from a tsetse fly. Trying to stay awake is painful and



Well it's done now! All done! I had emergency surgery!
Just to keep a tiny update, it was both good and bad. Good - they got it out without having to cut me open, just the lap holes +b.button. And it's over!
Bad: I was awake during some of the surgery (was not supposed to be, general anaesthetic etc) and it's really messing with my head. But that's okay, I'll tell you about that little nightmare later. Fibro is really flared up cause they didn't take my fibro concerns into the surgery.
Really good: this is the beginning of the fifth night and I can sit at my computer for a minute! I can also walk a little bit and coughing doesn't elicit as much of a yelp as it has in the past days.

Besides the deep effed upness of being awake in surgery and feeling pain in it, feeling instruments and listening to chatter you'd rather be unaware of.. besides that - I'm really happy this is all over and now I can get better and see if my other symptoms improve. I plan to write tips on fibro and surgery that I learned from research, nurses, and people - soon.


Operation, and not the game with Mr Red Nose and Buzzing.


Quickly, as I'm uncomfortable from the "issue", I'll update and then be off to the busy-ness that is sickness.
After a stay in the hospital (my first overnight visit to the hospital I might add) I learned that a serious issue has been hiding underneath my fibromyalgia. I don't want to talk about what it is, as it freaks me out. Anyways, to top it off, I got sick out of town! Not too far, but far enough to cost tons of gas money getting there for the numerous pre-op appointments, and I may have to convalesce out of town.. which would be bad for my beloved as he works here where I live. Worse... the surgeon doesn't seem to want to awknowledge fibromyalgia. Yep, another person who doesn't believe. I wish people who didn't believe would get it, temporarily of course, until they saw the gaping maw of chronic pain and chronic annoying and depressing symptoms and the sacrifices you have to make in order not to get a flare up. What worries me about this is that I'm afraid no precautions will be taken to avoid a flare up of fibro.. so I'm bringing a list to the next pre-op with a nurse and insisting.
Sacrifices have been many in the past couple of years due to fibro, which have been incredibly difficult. Anyways more on that when I have some oomph, feeling sick again have to tend to my ever present fever.

Love :)

Underwater Weirdbeauty

2009-02-26T16:02:24.146-05:00 Deep sea creatures Barreleye Fish... transparent head, new discovery!

HP Lovecraft and Youtube

2009-01-31T15:49:01.621-05:00 A dream that HP Lovecraft has, inspiring him to feverishly write out the 'mare. (Yeah I know I can't embed these videos for some reason, I keep getting errors when I try.) Black and White, high quality download available. "Ryleh" a must-see for HP fans, great CG animation with a real raw edge to it. Very well done animation of the "Terrible Old Man" - so perfect!

(More to come as I find them :)




Escapes and Venting Pressure


There are certain places that are escapes from the every day.. escapes from the malign forces in your life. Mine are: going for walks, playing World of Warcraft, and meditation. Lately these things have been polluted by outside forces that have brought me down to a level of flare up that I haven't yet experienced. There's no place away from Them. Them is a generalized term for invading forces into the land of escapism.Walking, I meet up with smokers, inconsiderate off-the-leash dog owners, retarded teenagers ( I mean no disrespect to actual retarded people), and just plain rude people. Smokers give me asthma attacks. Off-the-leash dogs try to fight with my puppy or they jump on me and get my pants all shitty. Teenagers regularly block the route I'm taking and taunt me. And rude peope, well I think that covers a wide range of things.Online, I encounter dozens of rude kinds of people. I am an online shrink apparently, as well. People dump their problems onto me, then when it comes to my side of the conversation, it's magically time for them to leave. Of course there are nice people, who will gladly listen to my end of the conversation, they'll talk with me and care what I say, they'll help me out and I'll help them out. Nice! Those people should stay, and then my perfect little escape would be complete. Of course it's filled with politics, rules, demands, expectations... like highschool but you're paying for it. I get 200+ Spam emails a day. I can't use instant messaging anymore... that was just way too much intimacy.Now in meditation, it's so hard to focus. I feel crowded by people. I feel sickened by proximity to them - both online and off. Sometimes I'd just rather be alone on the planet with my loved ones, and just live my life quietly.I live a very simple life. I think that's important. Not many people I know like simple lives. It's all about complications, added problems. If something is superfluous in my life - if something is costing me peace of mind.. well it's time to cut it out. And perhaps it's time to cut out my game, and find a new place to walk.I hate dating. I hate the idea of marriage. They've soured me on it. Especially the last one. Disclaimer: this is not about all men so don't get touchy. It's about what I feel would happen to me. I suck at picking men. 1 out of 14 men was nice.Here's an epic poem for the ages I wrote some time ago:TOILET SEAT ROMANCE: Portrait I - Sept 30thFall in love - glowing heartKiss, cuddle, touch, meldLinger, talk, massage, smilesCan't wait to see you, don't be gone long"Where were you? Why are you an hour late? I've been waiting.. all dressed up.""I'm sorry.."Kiss, shifting eyes, heavy heart, forgiveMove in, happy, wallpaper, wood screwsPlaster on your face, I wipe it offWe collide on the drop cloth and explodeSo happy playing house, playing love"Put down the toilet seat please""Put down the toilet seat.""I've told you a thousand times, please!""I see you haven't put down the seat.."The seat is up, he peed on the floor. How old is he?CLANG as I put down the toilet seat and sully my fingers."Would you shut up about the toilet seat?"He's not home yet: she's a nagHe doesn't care anymore: she's boringI can't take it, will he leave: gotta shut her up"Marry me, my darling" midnight bended knee in the parkMarry.. Marry? It's the answer! "Yes! Oh yes!"White dress, black tux, tears of joy like crystals fallProud fathers and hesitant mothersBridesmaids rotting on the inside wondering when it's their turn"It's cute when we argue about little things, l[...]

Forgiving the Inconsiderate


So much has happened in the past few months. I've been on overload and unable to write anything really coherent. So I'll try to catch up my tale and defrag my memory banks ;) Here is the first entry in the catch up.RevelationI was given the wrong prescription this month, and before noticing the mistake (I take so many pills it's really hard to remember them all) I had taken it for close to two weeks. During that time I was very irate, introverted, and terrified. I was so scared and all I could think of is death and dying and how I didn't want to kill myself, but I didn't want to live either - I was done! I didn't know what was wrong with me, as usually I'm strong enough to work through my problems. Even when I saw my brother's family, I felt a strong need to be isolated, and I had a great deal of trouble relating to my nephews and their parents. I had a great deal of trouble being near anyone, or even talking on the phone. My own parents were hard to be around, as my paranoia soared to new levels, and my anger grew to greater depths.So when I found out about the mistake: I was really exasperated by the situation. I go to doctors upon doctors to heal me, monthly visits and daily handfuls of pills.... it really pissed me off that someone's mistake had taken me a step back. I'd been taking two strong sleeping pills (hypnotics) each and every night. When I stopped taking them, at the advice of the pharmacists, I couldn't sleep for days.Anger and despair gripped me, as I felt out of control. Many things in my life were making my disease much worse - people's problems, finances, health as usual, and the weather's cage around me gave me the worst cabin fever in months.I went to the pharmacy in that anger, that exasperation, and I was quickly losing my temper with the pharmacist. She was angry right back at me, never apologized, and patronized me in a way that made me want to slap her. I felt like I was going to cry. I wanted an apology. I wanted them to know how sick I'd been in the past two weeks, and that I trusted them with my many pills. But this pharmacist was having none of it. She hated me and that was that. She even told me that I had to be more polite - and that it was my fault for not noticing SHE gave me the wrong pills.. pills that they knew I was sensitive to. Yep, I'm intolerant to these meds too. So my energy was being sapped by the anger that continued to develop.I got my money back (a substantial amount, my benefits only cover certain drugs, a good portion of my drugs I must pay for out of my living expenses) and the right pills.. but I was so angry. I wanted her to pay, I wanted her to suffer like I do.. I wanted her to say sorry at least. I mulled over this for a day - cried for hours at my situation. Not just the mistake, no, the most part of what I was crying about was the sheer helplessness that came with fibromyalgia. Your body is decaying, you're on poisonous pills, pain is the main focus of your life - and fatigue colours everything you do. This is of course a summery of FMS, quick, as it is certainly not the point of my revelation. Nothing new there.People generally make my illness worse indirectly. You know, people dump problems on you and then won't let you help because you're just a disabled naive person.. what the fuck do I know? I just live under a rock. I am treated by the majority of the public like I am a lazy sack of horse manure, faking or exaggerating, or thinking I'm milking the pity of people around me. Most of them never eve[...]

Creative Charity Drive for FMS that Anyone Can DO


First, the actual site for the clothespin challenge, and how to get your kit. Then, the article I learned about it from - which I learned about thru a lovely lady on the online FM support group.

This is the neatest idea for a Fibromyalgia charity drive... Click to learn more about:

"The Fibromyalgia Clothespin Challenge: Awareness at Your Fingertips"

I love it when they find creative ways to gather up money for research and development. In case you hate clicking, here's a tidbit.

"The National Fibromyalgia Association today launched “The Fibromyalgia Clothespin Challenge: Awareness at Your Fingertips” to commemorate September Pain Awareness Month. The objective is to keep a clothespin on your finger for 30 minutes. For each minute that you fail to keep the clothespin on your finger, a donation will be made to the National Fibromyalgia Association. (So, if you can only keep the clothespin on your finger for 10 minutes, and you pledge to donate $5 per minute, your donation is $100.)

“Fibromyalgia means living with stabbing, burning, throbbing pain every day,” says Lynne Matallana, president of the National Fibromyalgia Association who was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 1995. “With this challenge, we want to call attention to the fact that you can remove the pain when you remove the clothespin, but imagine if you cannot. That’s what it feels like for people who have fibromyalgia.”



I am losing myself a little bit here and there. Like I'm melting in a giant oven and the heat is cooking my heart and soul into little walnuts of coal. A handful of reasons to stay keep me away from the great precipice I ache for daily. I will stay. Stay is a strange word in that context. Like an anvil.

New posts


It's been a really long time since I've posted on this blog.. but I hope to post more soon... I am posting on my private journal, which I am posting under an alias. I'm also playing World of Warcraft, which has taken over my dear Guild Wars... More later.