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Preview: The Real Estalker

The Real Estalker


Updated: 2017-09-10T07:03:19.059-07:00


Here's The Deal...


First off, Your Mama would like to thank the children for their patience. We know we've kept y'all waiting a long time but there were, as they say, a lot of ducks that had to get in a row.

We noted that most of y'all were mostly good in our near three week absence and didn't get too out of line in the comments section. Some of you even left thoughtful notes. We appreciate that. We do not, however appreciate those couple of nasty emails. (You know who you are.) Anyways...

Your Mama could not be more pleased to finally tell the children that we're packing our bags and taking our saucy property gossiping ways over to Variety magazine. That's right. Variety magazine. Bam! Deal with it. It's the end of one era and the doorway to a whole new future.

This site, our beloved digital home for seven plus years, will remain accessible but inactive for the next few days at which point it will automatically redirect all Your Mama's children to our new digital home with all the fine, Showbiz reporting folk at Variety.

Starting today, all new online Real Estalker content can be found here, in the newly formed Dirt section of Variety's online portal. We'll also be dishing celebrity real estate-related dirt in the publication's weekly print issue.

Now, buckle your safety belts, kids because Your Mama is about to make a rare and uncomfortable but necessary breach of the fourth wall...

I would like to offer a sincere if woefully inadequate thank you to all the Real Estalker readers, especially the old timers and the regulars—you know who you are—for your often enlightening commentary and insight, unrelenting encouragement and absolutely humbling dedication.

I must also thank the hundreds of deliciously chatty informants, especially the old timers and the regulars. (Y'all know who you are, too, but as always will remain anonymous.)

And, finally, to my unfailingly supportive family and ever-so-tolerant friends—you all certainly know who you are, I hope—and, of course, to the good Dr. Cooter: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Now then, all of y'all put on your digital traveling shoes and follow Your Mama over to Variety...

Listen up y'all!


NOTE: Sorry, children, Your Mama needs one more day. Please be patient. (And don't make a mess is the comments sections or I'll just have to turn them off, okay?)

It may incite the vitriolic wrath of a few of the more sharp-tongued children but Your Mama has none-the-less decided to take a two week retreat in a remote, morgue-quiet high desert location where telephone and internet service is, at best, unreliable. That's right, butter beans, two weeks.

We do not plan to (dis or) discuss any celebrity-related real estate transactions until June 17, at which point we'll have some exciting news to unveil about the future of our little online endeavor.

Until then...

Jakob Dylan Quietly Sells Malibu Mini-Compound


SELLER: Jakob and Paige DylanLOCATION: Malibu, CAPRICE: $7,375,000SIZE: 7,752 square foot, 7 bedrooms, 5 bathroomsYOUR MAMAS NOTES: It took a bit of a group effort between Your Mama and The Bizzy Boys at Celebrity Address Aerial to figure out that singer/songwriter Jakob Dylan quietly unloaded a freshly rehabbed compound-like mini-estate in the Point Dume area of Malibu for $7,375,000.Mister Dylan, besides being honest to goodness rock 'n' roll royalty—his daddy is Bob Dylan, in case you didn't know, fronts the band The Wallflowers and, along with Dave Matthews, co-founded the fairly newly formed supergroup The Nauts.As best as this property gossip can tell, Mister Dylan and his former actress/budding screenwriter wife, Paige Dylan, purchased the hair-more-than-an-acre spread in February 2011 for $3,980,000. They hired accomplished Malibu architect Doug Burdge to give the 1950s-era semi-Spanish style residence a cosmetic overhaul that included the removal of a swimming pool and the installation of downright drool-worthy, wide plank white oak wood floors throughout.Listing details show the main house plus the two guest houses have a combined square footage of 7,752. One of the guest houses, as per the listing, has 650 square feet and the other 722. If Your Mama uses our ever-reliable bejeweled abacus to add up those latter two figures and then subtract the sum from the total square footage we come up with a main house that measures in at 6,380 square feet. Listing details we perused explicitly suggest the buyer verify the abode's square footage by their own means as the L.A. County Tax Man shows the house has just 5,303 square feet. (Curiously, a digital listing we dug up from the time the Dylan's acquired the property peg the place at 5,611 square feet with six bedrooms and 7 bathrooms.) Whatever the size, online marketing materials show the property has seven bedrooms and five bathrooms but, honestly children, where not sure if that includes any bedrooms and/or bathrooms in the guest cottages.A high wall and an even higher thicket of shrubbery obscure the peering eyes of passers by and a gated driveway pushes deep into long and narrow property where it circles up to pass under a humbly scaled porte-cochere and pools up in a motor court with front-facing attached garage.Wrought iron and glass doors open into a ridiculously but pleasantly over-sized reception gallery with pitched beam ceiling, huge windows and what Your Mama imagines (and hopes) is an authentic Beni Ourain rug. The luscious wood floors and vaulted ceilings continue into the living room where a chunky, minimalist fireplace with over-sized firebox anchors one end of the room and a wall of built-in bookshelves the other. Four sets of single-pane French doors that open to a terraces hemmed in on three sides by the back of the house and a baby grand piano and an acoustic guitar or two easily converts this the sitting room in to an extremely intimate music venue.It's possible and maybe even likely, much of the Dylan's personal day-core and artworks were stripped down for the marketing process but, even if not, we're in an honest swoon for the all but unadorned formal dining room that stops short of cold austerity with a glimmering crystal chandelier (that could probably be hung a mite lower), a rustic and beat up, 10- or 12-seat farmhouse table and eight elegant and refined button tufted chairs that evoke a soupçon of 1940s glamour. But anyways...We don't care what any of the children say about the uninspired, plain-Jane exterior of this house—because it's pretty ho-hum—but we think the kitchen is kinda fantastic. Two boxcar-sized center islands have slab marble counter tops on walnut cabinetry. Each has a two-stool snack bar and neither, it should be noted, are located underneath a dreaded and—Yes!—occasionally malevolent pot rack, thank you very much. The appliances are top-quality stainless steel and include double wall ovens and full-height side-by-side refrigerator and freezer[...]

Louis C.K. Snags Gloomy Shelter Island Tudor


BUYER: Louis SzekelyLOCATION: Shelter Island, NYPRICE: $2,440,000SIZE: 4,957 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 3.5 bathroomsYOUR MAMAS NOTES: Most New Yorkers at least the ones we know and whether they can afford one or not, have a picture of their ideal weekend getaway. For Bunny and Flower it's a rustically chic and arty-farty compound in upstate New York. For Jo-Jo R-Po it's a puny, un-winterized waterfront bungalow on the North Fork. And for Soozie-Q and Fred it's a rambling (and nearly ramshackle) shingled cottage on a large (if somewhat untended) lot in a quiet corner of the Hamptons.For Emmy-winner Louis Szekely, an upwardly mobile stand-up comedian and sitcom star known professionally as Louis C.K., it's Primrose Cottage, a gloomy but stunningly intact, turn-of-the-century timbered Tudor on two water front acres on Shelter Island that he reportedly snatched up for $2.44 million.So the scuttlebutt goes, Babe Ruth once summered in the three-story, 4,957 square foot house that listing details show has half a dozen bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms, and six wood-burning fireplaces. (Big whoop!) The generously proportioned main rooms stop short of grand—it's a vacation house, after all—and, although they could use some spit and polish, retain an impressive array of original architectural details. The tightly spindled staircase alone is a revelation and the built-in inglenook benches next too some of the fireplaces couldn't be more charming even if they are a wee impractical for modern day life.The pastel paint on the walls in some of the rooms is on decorative trend—not that Mister C.K. gives a shit about that—but it looks a bit wan and old fashioned in the somewhat dim listing photographs. And the kitchen, well, it looks reasonably sized but—lowerd have mercy, butter beans—it needs a complete overhaul starting with that mortifyingly massive (and massively mortifying) pot rack. All the children should know by now that Rule #8 in Your Mama's Big Book of Decoratin' Dos and Don'ts adamantly forbids the use of pot racks in residential kitchens. Not only are they voracious dust magnets they're also a capricious if inanimate menace that will drop a pot on a puppy's head without warning or snatch the weave right off the head of an unsuspecting weave wearer.An asymmetrical front porch overlooks an otherwise landscape-less, hedge-ringed lawn and, off the rear of the residence, a spacious and inviting, brick-floored screen porch has a long view over the flat back lawn to the water's edge. There isn't a swimming pool or a tennis court—there's room for both should Mister C.K. want them—but there is, however, a private dock that extends out into a cut that provides direct and easy boat access to West Neck Harbor and Noyac Bay. The convenient boat parking facility was probably a selling point for Mister C.K. who owns an micro-yacht that was recently featured on Jerry Seinfeld's pleasantly droll web series Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee.We read, Mister C.K. once lived at the fabled and controversially condo-fied Apthorp complex on the Upper West Side but we also have a vague memory of being told by someone—we don't recall when or by whom—that he moved downtown, to the formerly boho now fully gentrified West Village. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?In addition to his somewhat dark and relentlessly self-deprecating stand-up work the veteran comedian also writes, directs and edits a smartly calibrated and critically acclaimed, semi-eponymous sitcom (Louie) that closely adheres to the framework of his own life.In other Shelter Island celebrity real estate news, maverick ceramicist and home goods guru Jonathan Adler and his creative iconoclast husband Simon Doonan—amongst a myriad of other endeavors he's a sassy columnist at Slate and the Creative Ambassador-at-Large of Barney's—have one of their kalaidoscopically colorful and widely published homes on Shelter Island up for lease for the month of July at [...]

Jason Priestley Upsizes in The Valley


BUYER: Jason PriestleyLOCATION: Studio City, CAPRICE: $2,720,000SIZE: 5,075 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 6.5 bathroomsYOUR MAMAS NOTES: A couple of weeks ago Your Mama and all the other celebrity real estate watchers learned from the long-legged blond at Trulia Luxe Listings that race car driving actor/director Jason Priestley and his make-up artist wife Naomi Lowde-Priestley sold their Toluca Lake home to a not-famous couple for $2 million. The sale represents a $140,000 loss that does not account for carrying costs, any maintenance and/or improvement expenses the couple may have incurred or the real estate fees.*This week, oddly enough, Your Mama heard word from a couple of snitchy informants, including the inestimable real estate yenta Yolanda Yakketyyak, that the Priestley couple, who have two young children, bought a substantially bigger new house about four miles directly west in a leafy pocket of Studio City, CA for $2,720,000.**Listing details show the freshly constructed and well appointed, two-story wannabe-Cap Cod sits on less than a quarter acre right on the border between Studio City and Sherman Oaks and has a total of five bedrooms and 6.5 bathrooms in 5,075 square feet. A prominent, full-frontal two car garage has direct entry to the main house and a detached cabana adds additional living space . (By Your Mama's quick and rudimentary calculations the Priestley's new digs in Studio City is just over 1,800 square feet larger than their former home in Toluca Lake.)We don't love the exact tone of ashy medium brown as appears in listing photographs but otherwise we live, children, for the seven inch wide floorboards that run throughout the main floor living areas. A medium-width but exceptionally long center hall entry extends clear through to the back of the house with wide openings into adjoining formal living and dining rooms, both with scads of custom mill work and the former with a marble-faced fireplace. Not that it matters more than a damn pickle what this moody property gossip thinks but we could happily have done without the showboat-y glass display cases built in to the columns that support the shallow archway between the living and dining room.A luxuriously fitted butler's pantry with marble back splash and warming drawer links the dining room to the expensively outfitted family-sized kitchen. Along the long back wall of the kitchen dark counter tops (of unknown material) sit on snow white Shaker-style counter tops while the generously proportioned center island has steel grey Shaker-style cabinetry topped with an impressively thick single slab of marble. In addition to the four-stool center island snack counter there's a small informal dining area in front of a picture window with backyard view and all the appliances are top-grade, as should be expected in a house at this price point in this location. The kitchen opens to the family room where there's a deeply coffered ceiling, a bookcase flanked marble-faced fireplace, and a wall of wood-framed glass doors that fold open to a concrete-floored veranda that overlooks the backyard.Also on the main floor is a powder pooper for guest, an en suite guest bedroom, and a home theater with a projection system, milk chocolate brown fabric wall panels set off by lipstick red columns, lily gilding nightclub lighting, and tiered seating for (about) 11 in puffy black leather recliners with built-in cup holders. (We know they are a pearl clutching sight for sore eyes, children, but Your Mama would bet our long-bodied bitches, Linda and Beverly, and our mean ol' pussycat Sugar those recliners are as comfortable as they are hidjeous.)Upstairs, three guest/family bedrooms have private bathrooms and a second family room might easily be put to use as a children's play room, arts and crafts nook, yoga lounge or Pilates parlor. The spacious master suite has a (third) marble-faced fireplace, built-in bookshelves, something called "separate entry closets[...]

Virginia Madsen On the Move


SELLER: Virginia MadsenLOCATION: Thousand Oaks, CAPRICE: $1,088,000SIZE: 3,691 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 4.5 bathroomsYOUR MAMAS NOTES: We have a lovely fella we'll call Missy Hoo Hoo to thank for the kindly communique that informed Your Mama that Oscar-nominated actress Virginia Madsen has her reasonably spacious if fairly ordinary tract house inside the guarded gates of the Rancho Conejo development in affluent Thousand Oaks, CA, on the market with a $1,088,000 asking price.*Miz Madsen, in case some of the younger children don't know, has shaken her Showbiz money maker in Hollywood since the mid-1980s but didn't reach her to-date professional salad days until 2004 when she was nominated for an Academy Award for her quirky turn as a waitress in the low budget and much ballyhooed film Sideways. While the Oscar nod—she was also nominated for a Golden Globe—didn't catapult her to superstar leading lady status, she has worked steadily ever since. There have been numerous television programs (Justice League, Monk, Scoundrels, Witches of East End), a fair number of movies (The Number 23, The Haunting in Connecticut), and a bevy of television movies (Anna Nicole, Hatfields & McCoys). As per her resume on the Internet Movie Data Base, she has lead roles in at least four movies currently in one stage of production or another.Property records show Miz Madsen acquired herThousand Oaks abode in November 2005 for $1,351,000. A couple of quick calculations on our bejeweled abacus shows that even if her young and scruffy-chinned real estate agent manages to coax a full price offer, his Tinseltown client still faces a hardly inconsequential $263,000 loss, not counting carrying costs, improvement expenses and real estate fees.Current listing details show the two-story house was built in 2004 and backs up to a public park that Your Mama imagines could get loud with screaming children at least every now and then. There are four bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms and a garaging for three cars in two bays, both with direct access to the house. Your Mama isn't an educated expert so we really can't be sure what blend of architectural styles are present here but there's plenty of used red brick veneer applied to the exterior's lower level and there's a whole lotta quintessentially tan stucco on the upper level. Some of the vinyl-framed windows have (probably faux) shutters, the roof's edges are lined with brown clay tiles, and there's a minuscule, second floor veranda that overlooks the red brick driveway.Inside, listing photos suggest Miz Madsen has an unrestrained passion that borders on an addiction to elaborate wall treatments. In the narrow entrance hall and unexpectedly voluminous, double-height formal dining room the walls are slathered in a questionable, duo tone crosshatched situation that looks a little like an over-scaled linen pattern. Beige, natural stone tiles the in front hall and dining room switch to mahogany-toned wood with a semi-gloss treatment in the "formal" living room where we can't not notice the at least as equally labor intensive—and probably more questionable—bronze toned paint treatment on the walls and the ceiling.**Around the backside of the staircase in the formal dining room the an eat-in center island kitchen has faux-aged raised panel cabinetry, speckled tan granite counter tops, high quality appliances and—you got it, Tea Cups and Tiddlywinks—a hand-applied custom faux-paint treatment. The kitchen opens into a family room with television surmounted gas fireplace, plantation shuttered windows and doors to the backyard, and even more of the same buttery colored paint treatment as in the kitchen. Inexplicably and much to the chagrin of Feng Shui experts and aficionados around the world, the floor in the family room is partly done with a natural stone tile and partly with wood, or some of that new-fangled porcelain tile that looks like wood.Honestly[...]

Steve-O Snags Hillside Digs Above Beachwood Canyon


BUYER: Steve-OLOCATION: Los Angeles, CAPRICE: $1,162,000SIZE: 2,398 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 3 bathroomsYOUR MAMAS NOTES: Just because giddily vulgar Jackass stunt performer Steve-O will gleefully staple his scrotum to his leg, voluntarily let an alligator bite his nipple and somehow hold a lit firework in his—ahem—ass crack does not mean, at the end of the day, he doesn't want to come home to a nice house with plenty of creature comforts. According to the ever-vigilant real estate yenta Yolanda Yakketyyak, last month the pathologically masochistic Mister O— via a pretty much lewdly named trust—shelled out $1,162,000 for a fully renovated, canyon view contemporary residence perched on a steep hillside above Los Angeles's historic Beachwood Canyon.*Since his death defying stint on Jackass in the early Aughts, Mister O has appeared in more Jackass movies than anyone should care to count and he's helmed a series of similar programs where he performed such lurid entertainments and utterly pointless feats of stupidity as covering himself in stinging jellyfish and getting slathered in human excrement while strapped into a porta-potty his buddies launched into the air. Charming, right?More recently, the sober and more introspective former circus clown—a dedicated vegan who, as of mid-April 2014, said he was living a celibate life—popped up on Dancing With the Stars (2009) and developed a reasonably well-received stand-up comedy routine. And good for him. Not that it matters a single whit what this jaded property gossip thinks but Your Mama thinks a career move towards something less physically reckless is a good idea for the 40 year old Mister O. Let's be honest, butter beans, could there be anything more heart breaking than a heavily tatted 65 year old man who will snort wasabi for a paycheck and/or allow himself to be slathered in honey and locked up in the truck of a car with a dozen hungry rats? No, there really isn't, is there?Anyhoodles, poodles, it's a complicated and serpentine drive up from Beachwood Canyon to Mister O's new digs that present little to the street other than a two car garage, a high fence with secured entry gate and a dramatic, overlapping roof line. A tiny and gated courtyard leads to the front door that opens directly into a 40-ish foot long open plan main living space with wide plank wood floors and a winsomely pitched post-and-beam ceiling.Just inside the front door, where it practically does double-duty as the foyer, a compact but well equipped kitchen has walnut (or maybe teak) cabinetry, slab marble counter tops, high-quality stainless steel appliances. A two or three seat snack peninsula divides the kitchen from the dining area. At the far end of the room, a catty-corner fireplace surmounted, natch, by a flat-screen television anchors the living area that opens through sliding glass doors to the home's primary outdoor living space, a reasonably roomy, canyon view terrace that spans the width of the house.Adjacent to the living room, where it also has direct glass slider access to the deep and wide canyon view terrace, an over-sized den could be pressed into use as a fourth bedroom as it has a sizable walk-in closet and easy, semi-private access to the windowless main floor bathroom.A perforated banister hems in the narrow stairwell that leads down to the lower level bedrooms. There are two reasonably-sized guest/family bedrooms that share a two-sink hall bathroom plus a master bedroom with two closets and enough room for a generous sitting area. Glass sliders open to a private balcony cantilevered over the steep hillside and the attached bathroom with free-standing soaking tub and separate shower space.Fun Celebrity Real Estate Fact: Mister O's new digs happen to be on the down slope side of the same secluded cul-de-sac above Beachwood Canyon where, as it turns out, ill-behaved [...]

Stephen Gaghan Sells East Coast-y Abode in Brentwood


SELLERS: Stephen Gaghan and Minnie MortimerLOCATION: Los Angeles, CAPRICE: $4,995,000SIZE: 5,267 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 6.5 bathroomsYOUR MAMAS NOTES: Oscar- and Emmy-winning screenwriter Stephen Gaghan and his well-born wife Minnie Mortimer listed their East Coast-y abode in L.A.'s quietly swank Brentwood area in late April (2014) with an asking price of $4,995,000 and within two weeks the property was put into escrow with an unknown buyer at an unknown price. (As of this morning the deal has yet to close.)Early on Mister Gaghan worked in television (American Gothic, The Practice) and in 1997 he took home an Emmy in 1997 for his work on NYPD Blue. He shifted to the silver screen in 2000 with the war-drama Rules of Engagement and the star-studded Traffic (2000), the latter for which the clean and sober Mister Gaghan won an Oscar and Golden Globe. (He was also nominated for an Academy Award in 2006 for penning the script of George Clooney's geopolitical thriller Syriana, which he also directed.) In more recent years Mister Gaghan has shifted somewhat back towards television, writing scripts for a couple of programs that were not picked up for series and here are scads of reports he's writing (or written) a script for Malcolm Gladwell's fascinating book Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking but, honestly, children, we don't know nuthin' about that.In 2007, Mister Gaghan married New York City-bred Standard Oil heiress, fashion designer and casually chic sophisticate Minnie Mortimer. They met, so the story goes, at a pre-Oscars picnic at Diane von Furstenberg and Barry Dillers' secluded estate in Beverly Hills and their deluxe Fifth Avenue nuptials, attended by a who's who of New York society types, were swooned over in no less than The New York Times.Property records show Mister Gaghan and Miz Mortimer purchased their Brentwood spread in late 2008 for $4.4 million and digital marketing show the house was originally built in the 1940s on a gated and elevated 1.15 acre parcel with five bedrooms and 6.5 bathrooms in 5,267 square feet.Stone columns flank a gated driveway that rises gently to a decent-sized (if decidedly declassé) black topped motor court that gives way to a wee patch of tree shaded grass embraced on three sides by the house's wood, stone and red brick accented front façade. (We'd prefer the blacktop be replaced with pea gravel or compacted decomposed granite but what do we know, right?)Inside, the public entertaining spaces are spacious without being grand and include a formal living room with honey-toned wood floors, exposed wood beams on the ceiling, a flagstone-faced fireplace that nicely ties in the flag stone on the front façade, and a massive 18-pane picture window with lovely and long views.The roomy formal dining room does double duty as a library with floor-to-ceiling book-filled library shelves installed on three walls. While the living room day-core appears to have been put in place by Staging Lady in a Pink Toyota, the dining room still presents (in listing photos) as an eclectic, seal gray room with a idiosyncratic mix of furnishings and a capiz shell chandelier Your Mama would swear was hand-made by our dear old friend Gwen Carlton.The kitchen doesn't look particularly large in listing photos but it is expensively outfitted and well-equipped with a vaguely Craftsman style with unpainted Shaker-style cabinetry, marble counter tops and a full suite of top-grade appliances. There is, as per listing details, an "ample pantry and enormous Butlers/Laundry room" plus a convenient back staircase but and alas, as many of the eagle-eyed children probably noted, the kitchen designer failed to provide a built-in cubby for the microwave so there it sits, inelegantly at a cattywompus angle, on the counter top next to the sink.Off the kitchen there's a spacious sun porch with [...]

Orange County Housewife Shannon Beader Needs a Buyer


SELLERS: David and Shannon BeadorLOCATION: Newport Coast, CAPRICE: $13,498,000SIZE: 13,306 square feet, 7 bedrooms, 8 full and 5 half bathroomsYOUR MAMAS NOTES: A little birdie dropped a note in Your Mama's inbox to let Your Mama know that, like so many of the other "Housewives" across this great U-nited States—Real Housewives of Orange County's (RHOOC) Shannon Beador has her nearly new Newport Coast mansion listed on the open market with an asking price of $13,498,000.As it turns out, Missus Beador—who really is a housewife—and her hubby, David Beador, first listed their custom-designed villa in the exclusive, guard-gated Crystal Cove enclave* in April 2013 with an asking price of $15,998,000. About a month or so ago, the house was de-listed and quickly re-listed with its current and substantially lower asking price.Missus Beador revealed on RHOOC that she came from a privileged background and, hence, she may or may not be an independently wealthy woman. We don't know. Whatever the sitch, let's just assume her handsome, sarcastic and silver-haired husband, David, brings home a boatload of bacon as the owner a construction company primarily engaged in building freeways.Property records show the Beadors bought the then still bare .67 acre parcel in July 2006 for an unknown amount. Current listing details show they engaged the undoubtedly pricey services of neo-vernacularist SoCal mansion specialist Richard Krantz to do the architecture and interior designer Robert Ricker to gussy up the day-core with "heirloom and art-quality finishes." The result is a stately, walled and gated four-plus floor faux-Tuscan French farmhouse—it's described in listing details as "reminiscent of European country manors and legacy East Coast mansions"—that was completed in 2012 and spans 13,306 square feet of eco-minded traditional eleganza.** There are at least four fireplaces, about a dozen copper-framed French doors and an elevator that services the basement, main and second levels.There are six bedrooms and seven full and five half bathrooms in the main manse, including a private, main floor guest suite and a generously proportioned basement level staff room with private entrance, private pooper and walk-in closet. Three decent-sized and expensively decorated children's bedrooms on the upper floor each have a private bath and one of them has a private terrace. The roomy, upper floor master suite encompasses a separate bedroom and sitting room (with fireplace), two private terraces, a sprawling, compartmentalized bathroom and his and her walk-in closets, hers with glass-fronted wardrobes and an adjoining boudoir with spa tub. A stairway just outside the double doors of the master suite lead up to a small office/den/man cave.While (mostly) stopping short of fussy, the interior spaces are unquestionably plush and largely traditional as evidenced in the fully paneled, double-height foyer and stair hall with its checkerboard black and white marble checkerboard floor, a wrought iron railed marble staircase and antique crystal chandelier that Missus Beador revealed on RHOOC cost $150,000. (Or maybe it was $250,000. We don't recall, do any of you? What ever the cost, listing explain the chandelier is excluded from the sale, so...)Formal living and dining rooms flank the foyer, the former with a fireplace and a paneled, pass-through music alcove and the latter with a temperature-controlled walk-in wine cellar. Just off the formal dining room there's a fully and expensively equipped center island catering kitchen with super-size pass-through pantry. Right next door to the catering kitchen there's a larger and equally as expensively outfitted family kitchen with chandelier lit center island, top-grade appliances, marble counter tops and lightly faux-distressed, taupe-toned cabinetry. That's right, puppies, this family of [...]

UPDATE: Jamie McCourt


In 2004 wealthy Massachusettsians Frank and Jamie McCourt—much of their wealth was derived from well positioned parking lots in Boston—paid a heart pounding $430 million for controlling interest the Los Angeles Dodgers professional baseball franchise. They quickly and giddily carpetbagged their way to Los Angeles where they coughed up Grammy winner Baby Face Edmunds $21.25 million for a circa 1930s mansion on 2.61 gated acres in Holmby Hills. For better and/or worse, the estate sits directly across the street from the Playboy Mansion on Charing Cross Road.*Court documents from their acrimonious, public and crazy expensive 2011 divorce—their legal bills alone reportedly topped $20 million—reveal the erstwhile couple spent another $14 million on a series of improvements and expansions, including having the kitchen in their Brookline, MA, de-installed, shipped to Los Angeles and, like Humpty Dumpty, put back together again in their new Holmby Hills mansion at a cost of $180,000. They later replaced an outdoor tennis court with a partially subterranean indoor swimming pool and spa complex complete with sauna, steam room, dressing room and massage room. Divorce documents also revealed expenses related to the maintenance of the estate ran up to $202,716 per month including nearly six grand a month in utility bills. Think about that for a minute.So the reportage goes the divorce decree granted ex-Missus McCourt a settlement of around $130 million and sole ownership of a considerable number of the couple's many private residences, including the Holmby Hills estate. (They also maintained multi-million dollar homes in Malibu, Massachusetts and Colorado plus property in Mexico and Montana.) In March 2012, so Your Mama heard from Heidi N. Holmbyhills, Miz McCourt quietly floated the pretty darn palatial property as a whisper listing with an optimistically plump $65 million price tag. Almost two years later the property popped up on the open market with a $55,000,000 asking price and just a few days ago the lady property gossip at the L.A. Times announced that Miz McCourt had done sold the pristine property to an unnamed buyer for $45 million.**The 20,627 square foot Euro-style villa, according to the official listing details and other online resources, has five bedrooms, six bathrooms, a step-down living room, a library/study, billiard room, bar, commercial-grade kitchen, and a home theater. In addition to the main house the gated estate includes a guesthouse, staff apartment, outdoor swimming pool house and pool house as well as the aforementioned indoor swimming pool and spa complex.Naturally, as soon as we read that Mis McCourt sold the Holmby Hills house Your Mama tapped and typed our fingers to bloody nubbins contacting a few of our better connected contacts. We quickly heard back from Peter Propertyseller and Our Fairy Godmother in Bel Air who both told us they're quite sure the previously unidentified buyer is low-profile British billionaire Ian Livingstone.Mister Livingstone, a former optometrist who along with his younger brother earned their first (small) fortune through eyeglass stores, quietly parlayed the small fortune into a multi-tentacled, multibillion dollar real estate investment and development juggernaut that has, according to the fine folk at Forbes, ballooned their combined net worth to $3.7 billion. The brothers have their fingers in real estate pies all around the world (South Africa, Russia, Panama) as well as a bevy of swanky hotels in the U.K., including the stately and elegantly English Cliveden House.Even though she shed the Holmby Hills house, Miz McCourt still has an impressive property portfolio that includes a John Lautner designed house on Carbon Beach in Malibu that she (and her ex-husband) bought in 2007 for $27.3 from Courtney Cox a[...]

UPDATE: Fleur de Lys


Buckle your real estate safety belts, butter beans, because Your Mama is about to reveal the name of the mystery buyer who shelled out $88.3 million in cash for Suzanne Saperstein's world renown Los Angeles estate known as Fleur de Lys (above). But first, let's have a (not so brief) recap.In the late 1990s Swedish-born Miz Saperstein and her ex-husband David Saperstein, then based in Houston, TX, acquired 4.6 prime acres in L.A.'s super-swank Holmby Hills 'hood.* Inspired by the elegantly extravagant Vaux-le-Vicomte palace outside Paris, the famously spendthrift Sapersteins spared no expense to erect a monumentally decadent chateau of around 35,000 square feet that they slathered in gold leaf and filled to the gills with pedigreed antiques. The fully-landscaped estate also includes: a snaking 600 foot long driveway that ends in a motor court the size of a civic plaza; a separate sizable caretaker's house plus extensive staff quarters; a second motor court for staff and service vehicles; a swimming pool and spa complex; a lighted tennis court and extensive gardens that include a football field sized backyard lawn. A few short years after the estate was completed in 2002, Mister Saperstein left Missus Saperstein and took up with the family nanny, another blond but much younger Swede whom he later married.Missus Saperstein, a voracious consumer of haute couture who in 2008 described herself to W Magazine as "the most insecure person you could ever run into in your entire life," was granted ownership of Fleur de Lys and, post-divorce, often leased the palatial property out for parties and charity events. For at least half a dozen years—Your Mama first (dissed and) discussed the property back in 2007—Miz Saperstein had the fancy-pants pad on and off the open market with an astronomical asking price of $125 million.This property gossip has many times heard from impeccable sources deep inside the Platinum Triangle real estate game that Miz Saperstein once turned down an offer of $100 million because the buyer refused to cough up a couple more million bucks to cover her multi-million dollar moving expenses. British Formula 1 racing heiress Petra Ecclestone was widely rumored to have had an $80 million offer rebuffed and later there were reports of rumors that Petra's equally profligate sister, Tamara, was interested in the property. (She wasn't.) Pop superstar Mariah Carey was also widely rumored to have expressed some interest in the the property but that also turns out to have been little more than rumor.Anyways, in February of this year (2014) Your Mama received some juicy but unsubstantiated gossip that an unnamed Chinese billionaire made an $85 million offer for the grandiose estate and in mid-March we received a decidedly cryptic communique from a different but also anonymous informant who claimed Fleur de Lys was in contract for around $85 million with a Russian billionaire who is not Roman Abramovich, Andrey Melnichenko or Dmitry Rybolovlev but is "well established in California." But, as y'all will soon see, that bit of delectable scuttlebutt turned out to be little more than heavy load of Platinum Triangle real estate hooey.In late March an unidentified source told the lady property gossip at the L.A. Times revealed that Fleur de Lys was indeed to be sold to a mysterious buyer identified only as a French billionaire.** The report went on to say that the otherwise unidentified Frenchman beat out two other billionaires, one from China and another from the U.K., with an all-cash offer of $102 million with a 10 day closing. The sky-high and record-breaking price, so the reportage went, included a cache of unspecified antique furnishings.***Follow up reports revealed the new owner's tax bills were bein[...]

Dolly's Selling in Solvang and in Idyllwild, Too!


SELLER: Dolly PartonLOCATION: Solvang, CAPRICE: $950,000SIZE: 6 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms (total)YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Last week we learned that seven-time Grammy-winning country music iconoclast Dolly Parton* listed her excessively countrified bungalow-cottage in the heart of West Hollywood, CA, with an asking price of almost $1.4 million.Well, children, thanks to our dear and eerily vigilant informant Lucy Spillerguts, Your Mama has learned that the countrified cottage in West Hollywood isn't the only countrified cottage in California that the globally beloved and liberally nipped and tucked Blue Ridge Barbie doll owns and has for sale on the open market. As it turns out, Miz Parton also owns an itty-bitty compound in the high-lariously kooky and tourist-choked faux-Danish village of Solvang, CA, that's listed for $950,000. That's right, butter beans, Solvang. A little more investigating turned up evidence that Miz Parton owns a rustic retreat in the boondocks woods of Idyllwild, CA, that—as it turns out—she also has up for sale on the open market with an asking price of $599,000. More on that property in a minute but first let's go over the place in Solvang.There is evidence on the internets that Miz Parton has owned a place in somewhat unlikely Solvang—about two hours north and west of downtown Los Angeles—since the early 2000s but property records we peeped suggest she acquired her current hideaway in the pseudo-Danish community (via trust) in October 2007 for $1,085,000. That means, of course, even if Miz Parton's real estates manage to secure a full price sale she still faces a $135,000 hit to her bank account, not counting carrying costs, improvement expenses and real estate fees. While many might develop an angry and bleeding ulcer over losing $135,000, it's really pennies compared to the veteran country music tycoon's estimated $450 million fortune.The picket-fenced micro-compound, just a couple short blocks from the center of Solvang's densely faux-timbered downtown, occupies a .27 acre corner parcel and includes three separate living spaces. The compact, clapboard-sided main house, according to listing details, has three bedrooms and 1.5 bathrooms. The cottage is jam-packed with over-sized furnishings and decoratively done up with Old-Timey lace curtains, hokey stenciled borders around doors and windows, and a downright punishable amount of fake flower sprays and faux-greenery. In the living room there's a television surmounted gas fireplace set cattywompus to room and accented with blue and white Danish tiles.In the adjoining (and nearly claustrophobic) eat-in kitchen there are ordinary oak cabinetry topped with ordinary laminate counters and what Your Mama thinks might be the least expensive appliances money can buy.A gated gravel driveway separates the rear of the petite main house from a roomy bunkhouse with garaging for three cars plus a ground level studio apartment. Upstairs there's a three bedroom and two bathroom guest apartment with wood stove and an eat-in kitchen finished with the similar, humble finishes and appliances as in the main house.Each of the three living spaces has a private patio or deck. The ground level studio has a slender strip of grassy yard the main house has a fenced and gated deck area where Dolly can lounge around on her porch swing without being seen by all the clog-acquiring and pickled gherkin noshing hoi polloi that visit Solvang in droves. We are not even going to discuss the mortifying miniature windmill in the front yard because it's really just too much for Your Mama's delicate constitution to bear.Up in the semi-remote wilds of Idyllwild, CA, high in the rugged mountains between Hemet, Banning and Palm Springs, Miz Parton owns a rustic and also decoratively countrified r[...]

Dame Helen Mirren's Hollywood Pied-a-Terre Still for Lease


OWNERS: Dame Helen Mirren and Taylor HackfordLOCATION: Los Angeles, CAPRICE: $40,000/monthSIZE: 6,699 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 7 bathroomsYOUR MAMAS NOTES: One of the things that often flabbergasts celebrity real estate newbies is that scads of top-level stars who own multiple, multi-million dollar residences often lease them out, presumably to off-set the enormous costs of owning several high-maintenance homes or some other such unfathomable reason. Sacha Baron Cohen has his compound above Laurel Canyon quietly available for $85,000 per month; Dan Aykroyd recently put his picturesque spread in Pacific Palisades up for rent at $45,000 per month; Steven Spielberg has his ocean front compound in Malibu up for grabs at a $150,000 a month.Another of the A-grade celebs who regularly leases out her Los Angeles pied-a-terre is the utterly sublime and sexy Oscar-, Emmy-, BAFTA- and Golden Globe-winning—not to mention Tony nominated—British actress Dame Helen Mirren (The Queen) and her equally accomplished Oscar-winning film director husband Taylor Hackford (Teenage Father, Ray, Proof of Life, An Officer and a Gentleman).Property records suggest the two-parcel property was purchased by Mister Hackford back in 1986, a few years after he divorced his second wife and a decade before he and Miz Mirron were married. The double-gated and privately situated, Runyon Canyon adjacent estate sprawls across more than 6.6 acres directly above an aggressively lackluster if centrally located cluster of apartment complexes at the eastern edge of Hollywood. The hillside estate was once the home of silent film star Dustin Farnum, one of Cecil B. DeMille's first and greatest discoveries and the hastily chosen namesake of two-time Oscar-winning actor Dustin Hoffman.A long gated driveway decadently zig-zags up the lushly planted hillside and sweeps around to the front of the house where there's a motor court able to accommodate parking for 10 or 12 cars. Listing details (and other online resources) indicate the main house, a Colonial-kissed Mediterranean villa originally built in 1911, spans a comfortably spacious 6,699 square feet with four bedrooms and seven bathrooms. A separate, house-sized guest cottage of 2,740 square feet has another four bedrooms and three bathrooms, as per the L.A. County Tax Man. (There are also at least two additional structures of unknown utility tucked discretely behind a high-hedge and a dense and mature copse.)A double height, center hall entry with wood floors and impressive staircase connects to a lengthy and elegantly casual formal living room where there are a hefty handful of antique looking tables and sideboards and a pair of matching, roll-armed sofas that square face off against each other in front of a wood-burning fireplace surmounted by a swirly, gilt-trimmed mirror. Multiple sets of French doors open to stone terrace that runs the full width of the rear of the residence. Beyond the living room a less-formal library/den has another fireplace, at least one more set of French doors and built-in book shelves.The roomy formal dining room has more French doors, more antique (looking) sideboards and a highly-polished, double-pedestal table surrounded by seven or eight rivet accented light caramel-colored leather wing back chairs that any fool can see were an effectively idiosyncratic choice by Miz Mirren and/or Mister Hackford and/or, possibly, their lady and/or nice-gay decorator.The commodious if outdated eat-in center island kitchen has Mexican paver tiles on the floor, ordinary white cabinetry topped with thin slabs of specked gray granite, and a mixy-matchy suite of appliances that include a super-sized commercial grade range. (The children will note the original, wood-face[...]

Dolly Parton Lists West Hollywood Crash Pad


SELLER: Dolly PartonLOCATION: West Hollywood, CAPRICE: $1,395,000SIZE: 1,091 square feet, 2 bedrooms, 2 bathroomsYOUR MAMAS NOTES: The long-legged blond at Trulia Luxe Living revealed today that Dolly Parton listed her West Hollywood crash pad for $1,395,000. (The house is remarkably small but it sorta makes sense Miz Parton maintains a West Coast pied-a-terre in the heart of Boys Town, don't it?)The compact and extensively fenced and gated bungalow in the Norma Triangle 'nabe, is said to be the childhood home of Natalie Wood and was quietly acquired by the prodigiously talented and high camp country queen April 2007 for $1.2 million.Listing details indicate the bantam bungalow was originally built in 1923 and currently has two bedrooms and two bathrooms in 1,091 square feet. There's off-street parking for several cars—a real bonus in this tightly packed 'hood—several porches, a small tiled terrace with a garden shed and a detached one-car garage turned into one of the strangest little guest cottages this property gossip has ever laid our boozy eyes. (More on that in a brief moment.)We love us some Dolly Parton, children. We really do and, once upon a time in the not too distant past, Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter paid big bucks for prime seats at Radio City Music Hall to watch the anatomically illogical superstar knock her Showbiz ball out of the damn park. But, seriously, how does this woman not knock all that tchotcke around with her giant personality and super-sized chest and/or snag her big ol' wigs on all that country crap that clings to ever surface available in the itty-bitty cottage?And what about that room? You know which one we're talking about, the garage cum guesthouse one the buff-toned leather recliner and the toilet set out in the open right up next to the kitchenette. We don't mean to be crude, children, but a person could make microwave popcorn and take a dump at the same time. How–ahem—unusually convenient.Miz Parton, according to The Bizzy Boys at Celebrity Address Aerial, owns several other homes and homesteads including a small cottage near the zoo in Nashville and a large estate surrounded by housing developments near Brentwood, TN. They also keep a wee place in rugged Idyllwild, CA, and a vast tract of land outside Pigeon Forge, TN, not so far from where Miz Parton grew up in extremely humble circumstances.listing photos: Coldwell Banker[...]

Sting and Trudy List London Townhouse


SELLER: Sting and Trudy StylerLOCATION: London, U.K.SIZE: 7,000 square feet, 7 bedrooms, 6 bathroomsPRICE: On ApplicationYOUR MAMAS NOTES: Deep in the night Your Mama received a covert communique from an eagle-eyed informant we'll call Ozzy Anglophile who let us know that 11-time Grammy winning veteran rock star Sting and his producer/actress/philanthropist wife Trudy Styler hoisted their super-luxe central London townhouse on the open market with an undisclosed asking price.We're not exactly sure when the music world mandarins acquired the extra-wide, 17th century townhouse that backs up to the tree-lined Birdcage Walk along St. James Park but we do know they had the place worked over and expanded Lee F. Mindel at the high-toned New York City-based Shelton Mindel & Associates before they had the people in from Architectural Digest (A.D.) to fawn, photograph and document the extensive and expensive renovation for their May 2010 issue.Current digital marketing materials show the five-plus floor urban mansion spans 790.9 square meters—that's just over 8,500 square feet for all us non-metric Americans—and is currently configured with seven bedrooms and six bathrooms. (The A.D. article clocked it at 7,000 square feet but what's a 1,500 square foot discrepancy when big is big? Anyhoodles, poodles...)In addition to a marble-floored and pine-paneled stair hall with an elegant, corkscrew spindled staircase that will surely stop visitor dead in their tracks with it's, listing details describe a handful of amply proportioned reception rooms, including a fully paneled living room that spans the full width of the house with wood floors, a wood-burning fireplace and a delicious quartet of over-sized, six-over-six sash windows that peer into the tree tops of the rear garden. The couple, as per the A.D. article, furnished the room with a pair of Yves Klein coffee tables—each nowadays go for well upwards of $20,000, a Diego Giacometti side table—we can't even fathom the cost, a colorful clutch of Matisse prints and, over the fireplace, a cubist portrait by Pablo Picasso.A sinuously graphic rug and a wood-burning fireplace anchor an upper floor music/media room that also stretches the full width of the house and—again as per the A.D. article—was outfitted with faux-pine paneling interspersed with sound baffling fabric panels. Four more, although slightly smaller, six-over-six sash windows overlook the tree tops towards Birdcage Walk and St. James Park.Like is being done with vast engineering derring do and great expense in the finer neighborhood all over London, Mister and Missus Sting's extensive renovation included a generous expansion of the (somewhat subterranean) ground floor into previously unused space under the house's rear garden. The newly created area includes numerous storage and mechanical rooms, a home office accessible from a separate below grade street entrance. Smack in the center of the plan is a sleek, if windowless, all-white center island kitchen fitted and kitted with some of the best appliances and fixtures money can buy.The kitchen links through to a capacious dining area that's flooded with natural light by a massive sky-light. Open to but two steps down from the dining room is a cozy and low-key, if still buttoned up, family room space. The architect's tucked A discrete half bathroom tucked up into one corner and installed a tightly spiraled staircase that leads up to we don't know where. Four, 15-pane glass doors that open to a lower level of the rear garden.The couple's upper level bedroom—Let's keep the Tantric sex jokes to a bare minimum, shall we?—also has fabric paneled walls and an attached[...]

Pick Up Stick: El Fureidis


El Fureidis, the architecturally multi-cultural villa in Montecito, CA, originally designed by architect Bertram Grosvenor Goodhue for New York banker James Waldron Gillespe that was featured in the magnificent and magnificently violent Al Pacino movie Scarface, was hoisted on the open market last week with a $35 million asking price.

Our perusal of property records show the 10.39 acre estate is currently owned by a corporate entity directly connected to Russian-born and U.S. naturalized billionaire businessman Sergey Grishin who picked it up in October 2009 for just $6,230,000. The mansion has four bedrooms and four full and five half bathrooms in almost 10,000 square feet. Mister Grishin extensively restored and remodeled the mansion and in 2012 it popped up for rent at $30,000 per month.

The listing agent told to the Wall Street Journal that Mister Grishin wants to sell the painstakingly maintained El Fureidis because the estate "isn't his primary residence he isn't using it as much as he would like."

listing photos: Village Properties

Pick Up Sticks: January Jones


First came word from the long-legged blond at Trulia Luxe Living that Mad Men actress January Jones—single parent to a toddler, baby daddy unknown—listed her 2,200 square foot house in L.A.'s Los Feliz 'hood $1.495 million. (She purchased the property in 2009 for $1.02 million.)

Then, lo and behold, the very same blond property gossip dug up the dirt on Miss Jones's new digs, a nearly 3,300 square foot mock-Med in a small, guard-gated tract high in the mountains above the San Fernando Valley's Woodland Hills community that she scooped up for $1.7 million. It must have been a hot property because it looks to Your Mama like Miss Jones had to shell out more than 200 grand more than the $1.495 million listing price.

listing photos (Los Feliz): Nourmand & Associates
listing photos (Topanga): Snyder Sutton Real Estate

Poor, Poor Steven Cohen


Freakishly rich and legally beleaguered hedge fund bazillionaire Steven A. Cohen*—Forbes estimates his fortune at $11.1 billion and last year alone he reportedly hauled in more than 2.3 billion—listed a mansion-sized duplex in a glitzy Midtown Manhattan tower just over a year ago (April, 2013) with an astronomical $115 million asking price. In January (2014) the office price of the 9,000-ish square foot urban aerie with its 4 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms and 2 bedroom and 1 bathroom staff suite plummeted to $98 million.Without a serious offer to purchase the apartment in over a year despite an elephantine $17 million price cut, according to the the New York Post, Mister Cohen fifty shades of furious. One of the Post's two snitchy and unnamed sources claims Mister Cohen blames his high profile lady real estate broker for failing to unload his 51st and 52nd floor white elephant.Naturally, Your Mama has no idea if there is any veracity to the scuttlebutt but iffin there is, gurl, pleeze! Stamp your feet and have yourself a gorgeous hissy fit. Please do, Mister Cohen. Even better, please do it in a place where the media can catch it on tape because—listen to Your Mama here Mister Cohen because there is some sage advice buried in this here bite—there ain't nuthin' the hoi polloi like better than watching a man with 11-and-some billion dollars whine publicly about how his top-shelf real estate agent can't manage to sell his 9,000 square foot pied-a-terre in Midtown Manhattan for $98 million.Of course, as was gently posited by the kids at Curbed, it could be that the sorts of people with the sort of finances and impetus to spend nearly nine figures on a super-sized duplex in New York City just don't see this particular one as a nearly nine figure duplex, despite it's admittedly rare for New York City capaciousness. (What this nosy property gossip is dying to know, though, is has Mister Cohen received any offers and, if so, their amount(s). Bueller? Bueller? Anyone?)Meanwhile, as his sybaritic, art-filled triple-exposure Midtown duplex languishes without a buyer in sight, Mister Cohen has none-the-less hoovered up blue chip artworks and trophy real estate like, well, like it wouldn't matter an iota to his behemoth bank account if he simply gave the damn duplex to one of his hedge fund billionaire buddies. Last year alone Mister Cohen paid a bone-rattling $155 million to casino magnate Steve Wynn for Picasso's La Rêve, coughed up $23.4 million for a 10,000 square foot apartment in New York's ever more swank West Village, and he plunked down $62.5 million for a 6.5 acre ocean front estate in East Hampton, NY.And let's not forget, butter beans, in December 2012 he shelled out $38.4 million for a nearly 10,000 square foot townhouse-type condo in the West Village and he still owns a second, land-locked spread in East Hampton as well as a downright baronial estate in Greenwich, CT, where there's a massive and muscular Richard Serra sculpture in the front yard.*Mister Cohen was not personally charged but his firm, SAC Capital, was charged with insider trading and, after a lot of denials and belligerence and back and forth, eventually reached a settlement with the SEC in which SAC agreed to pay $1.8 billion in fines. The agreement also stipulates Mister Cohen can never manage other people's money and, hence, he's in the process of returning monies from outside investors and converting SAC Capital to a family office. But, seriously, what does he need with other people's money when he's got more than $11 billion of his own to manage and milk fo[...]

Ted Danson Nabs Rustic Canyon Retreat


BUYERS: Ted Danson and Mary SteenburgenLOCATION: Santa Monica, CAPRICE: $3,470,000SIZE: (aprox. 2,700 square feet), 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms plus a 2 bedroom and 2 bathroom guest houseYOUR MAMAS NOTES: There's no evidence we know of they sold or even plan to sell their current west coast outpost in on the border between Brentwood and Santa Monica but, as we first heard from real estate yenta Yolanda Yakketyyak and later confirmed with property records, Hollywood A-listers Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen quietly dropped almost $3.5 million—$3,470,000 to be exact—for a two-story Craftsman cottage nestled into in a scenically sylvan and semi-rustic canyon between Santa Monica and Pacific Palisades.*Mister Danson, who—so the tabloid gossip goes—sports what is surely one of the finest, more discreet and most expensive hair systems in all of Hollywood, rocketed to fame and fortune in the 1980s on the legendary and still-in-syndication sitcom Cheers. Since 1993, when Cheers went off the air, Mister Danson has been continuously and lucratively employed in a series of sitcoms (Bored to Death, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Becker) with brief forays into dramatic films (Saving Private Ryan) and dramatic television (Damages). Currently he shakes his veteran money maker on the boob-toob mystery-drama supernova CSI: Crime Scene Investigation. An actor with real if sometimes underutilized chops, Mister Danson can legitimately brag about his two Emmys—both for Cheers—and dozen more nominations, nine of them for Cheers. He also has three Golden Globes on his book shelf plus 8 more nominations and, although always been a bridesmaid and never the bride at the People Choice Awards, he can none-the-less claim an impressive seven nominations.Miz Steenburgen, Mister Danson's third wife for nearly 20 years now, may have a lower public profile, perhaps, than her husband but she's no less buried in industry awards and recognitions. She won an Oscar and a Golden Globe in 1981 for her role in the critically well regarded if largely under the radar dramedy Melvin and Howard* and in 2012 she shared a Screen Actors Guild Award with the cast for the much-lauded feature film The Help. She's was nominated for two other Golden Globes (Goin' South, Ragtime), twice more for SAG awards (About Sarah, Nixon), and she landed an Emmy nomination in 1988 for her lead role in the mini-series The Attic: The Hiding of Anne Frank.The deal for the Danson-Steenburgen's canyon residence appears to have gone down off-market because, not for some scouring, Your Mama did not turn up a recent, open-market listing for the property. A little hocus-pocus on the internets did turn up, however, a listing from 2011 when the house was listed for $3.15 million. (Use yer noggins now, children. That means the listing photos from 2011 may or my not accurately depict the house in its present condition.)The quiet canyon—where one long-time resident with whom Your Mama is friendly swears on his law library there are more Priuses per capita than anywhere else in Los Angeles—is home to at least two drop dead delicious Ray Kappe-designed homes as well as a fair number residences owned by famous folk including Robert Downey, Jr. and Bradley Cooper.Set behind gates and a high wall of shrubbery, the two-story shingled Craftsman was originally built in 1922 but has obviously been extensively updated and upgraded since then. As best as this experienced property gossip can parse from listing details and property records, the approximately 2,700 square foot main house has three bedrooms and [...]

Tennis Great Pete Sampras Buys Another in Bel Air


BUYERS: Pete Sampras and Bridgette Wilson-SamprasLOCATION: Los Angeles (Bel Air), CAPRICE: $3,501,000SIZE: 3,424 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 3 bathroomsYOUR MAMAS NOTES: Retired professional tennis player Pete Sampras—unquestionably one of the best players to ever manhandle and finesse a tennis racket—may be largely out of the hot glare of the tennis watching public but all the real estate obsessed children know the A-list athlete pops up on the regular in all the celebrity property gossip columns.In early 2008, the 14-time Grand Slam winner and his actress wife, Bridgette Wilson-Sampras, slapped a $25 million price tag on a gloomy, English Manor in Beverly Hills that they sold about six months later for just under $17 million to (Will & Grace co-creator) Max Mutchnick and his well-connected entertainment attorney husband, Erik Hyman. The Showbizzy pair, parents to twin girls, worked the place over in a sumptuously comfortable yet family friendly haute-homo glamour that was professionally photographed a couple of years ago for the glossy pages of Elle Decor. But we digress...The Sampras packed up their rackets and sneakers and decamped what Your Mama understands to be a very good part of Beverly Hills to what Your Mama understands to be a very good part of Thousand Oaks, CA, where they'd custom built a contemporary compound on a private, 20-ish acre promontory behind the swanky gates of the Sherwood Country Club. It wasn't long—March, 2010, as best as we can tell—before the sports-minded spread was hoisted on the open market with a $25 million asking price. Mister Sampras doesn't appear to possess much of a green thumb for residential real estate and his spacious Thousand Oaks estate finally sold last October (2013) for $13,560,000, pretty damn close to half the original asking price.In late 2009 or early 2010 Mister and Missus Sampras high-tailed it back over the Santa Monica Mountains to the Brentwood area where they shelled out $5.6 million for a six bedroom and six bathroom rustic-contemporary at the tail end of a leafy cul-de-sac.* A couple of short months ago just about every property gossip besides this one discussed how the increasingly peripatetic Mister and Missus Sampras laid out $5,996,500 for a 5,100 square foot celeb-pedigreed residence on 2.08 acres in the mountains high above L.A.'s Bel Air. The gated estate—with circular motor court, swimming pool and tennis court— had previously been owned by Albert Brooks and, before him, deceased television mega-mogul Merv Griffin.This morning, quite out of the blue, Your Mama received tongue wagging word from one of the Bizzy Boys at Celebrity Address Aerial that Mister and Missus Sampras coughed up another $3,501,000 to acquire a 1.12 acre property that's adjacent (and below) the hill top house they just bought in Bel Air. There must have been some serious competition for the semi-secluded property because Your Mama's research shows it was last listed for $3,195,000, a whopping $306,000 less than the recorded sale price. So says Your Mama's bejeweled abacus, the Samprases paid a total of $9,497,500 for the neighboring properties that combined encompass 3.2 acres.Listing details we coaxed out of the internets show the 3,424 square foot single-story residence, described in digital marketing materials as "an emotional ranch home," sits privately down a long, gated and tree-lined drive. An emotional ranch home? What in the devil's name does that mean? Will the damn thing will break into fi[...]

Ashton and Mila Buy Crib to Bring Up Baby


BUYERS: Ashton Kutcher and Mila KunisLOCATION: Beverly Hills, CAPRICE: $10,215,000SIZE: 7,351 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 4 bathroomsYOUR MAMAS NOTES: First came word down the New York City celebrity property gossip grapevine that Emmy-nominated and three time Razzie winning actress and producer Demi Moore quietly wants a spine-stiffening $75 million for her triplex penthouse at the celebrity-approved San Remo building on the Upper West Side.Next, coincidentally, came the dish this morning via the lady property gossip at the L.A. Times who revealed that Miz Moore's much younger third ex-husband—that would be sitcom star, producer and Twittering tech investor Ashton Kutcher—has quietly floated his very contemporary, post-Demi bachelor pad above the Hollywood Reservoir as a whisper listing with a hush-hush asking price of around $12 million. Mister Kutcher—reportedly the highest paid actor on television who reportedly rakes in $275,000 per episode for his starring role on the silly but wildly successful sitcom Two and a Half Men—picked up the 9,385 square foot three story residence (above) just two years ago (March, 2012) for $8.455 million.The decision to sell his super-modern mansion in the Hollywood Hills may or may not but probably does have something to do with the fact that Mister Kutcher and his current fiancée and former That '70s Show co-star Mila Kunis have a bun in the oven. The decision to sell so soon after buying the reservoir view residence also may or may not but probably does have something to with the procreating couple's recent and surreptitious acquisition of a new house in which to bring up baby.Your Mama first heard of the couples stealthy purchase of a new home about a week ago from Platinum Triangle real estate insider Peter Propertyseller and then—coincidentally—we heard it again just last night from the ever-plucky real estate yenta Yolanda Yakketyyak. According to both informants, the preggers pair quietly shelled out $10.215 million in an of-market deal for the Beverly Hills (Post Office) home of divorcing Showbiz movers and shakers Tom and Kathy Freston.*Your Mama didn't turn up any readily available digital marketing materials for the fairly traditional two-story residence so we'll have to defer to the Los Angeles County Tax Man who shows the existing house, in a private enclave long favored by famous folk, sits on just over half and acre of gated and landscaped grounds and was constructed in 1999 with three bedrooms and four bathrooms in 7,351 square feet.Very few details of the property are publicly available but Your Mama's investigative research shows there's a gated motor court and three car garage at the front and a series of verandas and terraces off the rear of the residence that step down to a flat and amorphous patch of grass and a dark-bottomed swimming pool and spa.Other celebrity residents of the exclusive 'hood include Cameron Diaz—she bought Candice Bergen's compound in 2010 for just shy of $9.5 million; Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem—who paid $3.3 million for the former home of Sara Gilbert; music world big wig Guy Oseary; actor turned professional gambler Gabe Kaplan; Reggae royal Ziggy Marley; and Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban. Sidney Holland, a woman best known to gossip glossy readers, perhaps, as Sumner Redstone's much younger gal pal, recently paid Jessica Simpson $6.4 million for a house that was formerly owned by Paul Hogan, Ellen DeGeneres, Rick York and—funnily enough—[...]

Andy Cohen Buys Upstairs


BUYER: Andy CohenLOCATION: New York City, NYPRICE: $2,571,081SIZE: 2 bedrooms, 2 bathroomsYOUR MAMAS NOTES: Thanks to the eagle eyes of New York City-based informant Polly Wannacracker it's come to this celebrity property gossip's attention that former Bravo Television executive Andy Cohen—He-Rah of The Real Housewives of... franchise—shelled out $2,571,081 for a two bedroom and two bathroom co-operative in one of the more coveted pre-war buildings in New York City's ever-more gentrified West Village.*The handsome and beefy bodied pop culture maven—his 2012 autobiography is entitled Most Talkative: Stories from the Front Lines of Pop Culture—won't have to schlep his backgammon board and collection of coffee table books very far since 2003 he's owned and occupied a similarly (and possibly identically) laid out two-bedroom apartment a couple floors below his new that he bought in 2003 for an unknown amount. The tchotcke-filled apartment was photographed for a flattery bio-piece last spring (2013) in The New York Times.Believe it or not, children, the reality television super-guru comes from a (slightly) more serious television background. He started as an intern at CBS News where he went on to produce The Early Show, 48 Hours and CBS This Morning. In 2004 he received a distinguished Peabody Award for executive producing the documentary The N-Word and in 2010 he received an Emmy as one of the executive producers of Bravo's Top Chef series. Last November (2013) Mister Cohen stepped down from his powerful (and no doubt lucrative) post as the EVP of Original Programming and Development at cable juggernaut Bravo but still serves as the executive producer of the the runaway successful Real Housewives of... franchise and for at least the next two years will also remain the liquor swilling host of Bravo's boozy night-time chat show What What Happens: Live. Mister Cohen launched his own production company, which he not surprisingly called Most Talkative, that has a deal to develop prime-time shows for his former employer. Anyhoodles, poodles...Based on measurements shown on the floor plan including with digital marketing materials Your Mama guesstimates the angled, high-floor apartment spans somewhere close to 1,200 square feet with two en-suite bedrooms situated on opposite ends of the apartment for maximum privacy. Listing details show maintenance charges rack up to a hefty $2,525.70 per month.The floor plan also shows a proper entrance hall, a nearly 25-foot long living room with fireplace and panoramic eastern views, and a picayune dining room that connects through to an essentially triangular (and windowed) kitchen. We counted new fewer than five walk-in closets where Mister Cohen can store all his body-conscious bespoke suits and semi-skimpy bathing suits.Other residents/owners in Mister Cohen's distinguished building include Oscar-winner Sally Field, who picked up her high-floor apartment in October 2011 for $2,550,000, and Marissa Sackler, the founder of the non-profit business incubator Beespace, who paid $12.5 million for her terraced duplex penthouse in August 2011 and is one of the many daughters of the late Purdue Pharmaceuticals co-founder and art patron Mortimer Sackler.In addition to his urban aerie(s), the out and proud Mister Cohen owns a compact, bay front cottage in a sleepy and not so long ago unfashionable section of East Hampton, NY.*The apartment was listed for $2,525,000 so, given that property records[...]

The Hiltons to Lease Hamptons Mansion....Again


OWNERS: Rick and Kathy HiltonLOCATION: Southampton, NYPRICE: $450,000 (MD-LD)SIZE: 10,000 square feet, 10 bedrooms, 10.5 bathroomsYOUR MAMAS NOTES: Summer's a comin, children, and if you haven't already it's time to line up your Memorial Day to Labor Day rental in the Hamptons. Those with deep pockets might consider letting a cedar shingled mansion on a multi-acre estate in the Water Mill area of Southampton (NY) that's listed for the summer season at a bulgy rate of $425,000* and owned by Rick and Kathy Hilton.**Mister Hilton, along with being an heir to the international Hilton Hotels & Resorts fortune, co-owns the powerhouse Platinum Triangle real estate brokerage Hilton & Hyland in Beverly Hills. He's also an occasional high-end property developer who is (partly) responsible for the relatively discreet (and somewhat discrete), guard-gated Brentwood County Estates enclave in Brentwood where professional pigskin passer Tom Brady and Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bündchen custom built an—ahem—eco-minded mansion that they publicly listed earlier this year for $50 million and Your Mama hears are rumored and reported all set to sell for around $40 million to hip-hop mega-mogul Dr. Dre.Missus Hilton, among other semi-professional endeavors, owned a tchotchke shop on the Sunset Strip before she hawked home accessories on QVC and, later, high-end skin care products on HSN. In the mid-Aughts she hosted a blessedly short-lived reality program (I Want To Be a Hilton) and she currently designs—or "designs" depending on your point of view—a line of mid-priced party gowns and cocktail frocks sold at hundreds of higher end department stores and boutiques around the world.Property records show Mister and Missus Hilton acquired the 2.7 acre, fully-landscaped estate in the guard-gated Fordune enclave in 1999 for $2,385,000. The property was once part of a vast, 235 acre estate called—you got it—Fordune that once belonged to automotive scion Henry Ford II. After it was acquired in the mid-1970s by an Italian businessman for just $1.8 million the property was subdivided into about 40 estate-sized parcels with deeded ocean access.This is not the first time Your Mama has (dissed and) discussed the Hilton family's gambrel roofed mansion in the Hamptons. In 2007 we piggybacked on an a fairly unflattering article in Vanity Fair that revealed they'd leased the property during the 2006 summer season for around $350,000 to some otherwise unidentified rich people who found the place to be a bit shabby. Indeed, one unnamed source cattily told Vanity Fair the house was "moldy and filthy." (And some of y'all think Your Mama can be nasty?) In 2009 the Hilton's Hamptons estate came back up for lease at $400,000 for the summer season and while we have no idea if the house was moldy and or filthy, listing photos showed the large home had sad and rather frumpy, chintz-centric day-core.Current listing details, however, show the approximately 10,000 square foot residence*** has had an extensive make-over and decorative redo. While the new day-core isn't going to win any style awards or get the place photographed for one of the better shelter publications, it certainly doesn't look dowdy and stale like it did in the 2009 listing photographs.There are, as per current listing details, a total of 10 bedroom, 10.5 bathrooms and three fireplaces including a two en suite guest/family bedrooms and a den/office on the upper flo[...]

We're Taking the Day Off...


Listen, children, Your Mama's taking a mental health day to catch up, pay some bills, take care of some pressing issues and otherwise get our damn head together. Stay tuned. It won't be long...

Demi Moore Asks $75 Million For Big Apple Triplex


The New York Post reported today that Demi Moore quietly wants an astonishing $75 million for her triplex digs at the twin-towered and celeb-approved San Remo building on Central Park West. That's right, puppies, $75 million. The sky-high price—which, according to the kids at Curbed, makes it a contender for the highest price co-operative sale ever—includes a ground floor two bedroom apartment for staff and/or guests.

Details about Miz Moore's triplex are—at best—slim, but last year tongues wagged when it became tabloid fodder that Miz Moore wanted her much younger third husband, actor/producer/tech investor Ashton Kutcher, to cough up an unknown but probably giant wad to cover unspecified renovation costs.

Over the years the San Remo has been home to scads and scores of rich and famous folk including (but hardly limited to) Dustin Hoffman, Steven Martin, Steven Spielberg, Glenn Close, Donna Karan, Tiger Woods, Diane Keaton, Princess Yasmin Aga Kahn and her mother, Rita Hayworth. Steve Jobs owned and renovated but never moved into a duplex penthouse he sold to U2's uni-monikered frontman Bono who later did legal battle with his 1980s rocker neighbor Billy Squier over fireplace smoke. Last December (2013) investor/philanthropist Robert Wilson jumped to his death from one of the three terraces of his 16th floor apartment that's currently listed for $25 million.

Miz Moore's property portfolio currently includes a contemporary, canyon side house on a gated, celebrity-lined road in the Beverly Hills Post Office area that she bought in April 2003 for $3.15 million and had worked over by high-octane designer Brad Dunning and much-lauded architects Ron Radziner and Leo Marmol. She formerly shared property with Mister Kutcher and had it photographed for Architectural Digest (March, 2007). As far as we know, she also continues to own a slew of property in and around Hailey, ID.

exterior photo: Christopher Bride for Property Shark