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YeSHEvish





Updated: 2017-08-10T03:31:24.430-07:00

 



Reply to SM

2008-10-31T13:20:22.445-07:00

First off I would like to apologize or offer an explanation for my previous post. It wasn’t my own creation, but rather a cut/paste job from one of the members of our face book group. I was experiencing writers-blank and couldn’t think of anything to post, so I chose to use this rather just leave the blog empty another few months. The author of that piece is also a very close friend, so I meant it as a compliment that I was posting ‘her’ creation.

However, it was brought to my attention that this post strayed from the original goals and objective I set for this blog. Im sorry that SheidelMaidel was offended. It wasn’t my intention, and for that I ask mehila from SM and anyone who was upset by the post.

One of the currrent reasons for this blog and the Facebook group associated with it is to, provide an outlet to frum men who are attracted to crossdressing or female-role-playing in any capacity. We can argue cows come home about the halachic ramifications of that. The bottom-line is we all have nesoynos. Whether, it is znus, or loshon hora, or failing to keep the laws of bain adom l’chaveiro to the fullest. Or even wasting time on the internet instead of sitting with a Gammarra. At the end of the day, I feel it is infinitely better to have a site that caters to other yidden, and endeavors to keep the pritzus out, rather then go to the myriad of Goyishe CD and Tranny sites that are open sewers of frightening magnitudes.

Someone I was recently chatting with, related to me, that one month on the day his wife was scheduled to go to the mikva, there was a stain, necessitating the waiting of another 7 days. He claims that, by dressing once or twice a day he was able to get over this disappointment and setback. I’m not a poisek , so I cant comment on this halachically. But I would like to point out, that in the real world that I live in, many guys that are in that situation will be tempted and occasionally do go to bad places and commit sins far worse then cross-dressing in the privacy of one’s own home. Because, hopefully we all strive to keep the Torah, but we are only flesh and blood, not melochim.

To be honest, in the outset, I merely read Aviva’s post on CalmKahhahs, and found his stories amusing and entertaining. When he wanted to delete his blog, I offered to take it over , because I liked them so much. At the time, I viewed it as a joke . Somewhere along the way the blog became a lot more serious and developed into a Facebook group. It was there that I surprised the most, in a very positive way.

All the guys I met thru this group turned out to very caring, supportive and sensitive. Much more so, then most of the guys I know from Yeshiva , business, and the shuls I frequent. By the same token , when are in ‘girl’ mode, they possess far greater depth , and are considerably less shallow and superficial then the frum women that I have corresponded with online, or the vast majority of Yeshivish women that my wife has been exposed to.

Just thought I would express my thoughts



Going to the Mall

2008-08-05T07:35:27.736-07:00

Me and some of my girl friends are going to the Mall. I received some very helpful information from my close friend Devory.

here are some advice on how to go out shopping to the mall:

First go to the mall and observe what women are wearing. You don't want to stand out. You Need to act the way women do.

Next, there are several great websites devoted to the support of crossdressers that offer tons of advice in how to look and act in order not to stand out, in other words "pass." Check them out.

Next decide what you want to wear. A dress is a simple one piece outfit. A skirt and blouse gives you more opportunities to 'mix and match.' Of course you can go the slacks/jeans route as well. Those are probably the easiest of all to do.

A wig is a must have. Dont be cheap here, use a very good Sheitlmacher, get recomendations before hand. Its also very good to learn as much as you can about Sheitl maintenance on your own, so you always keep it looking just perfect. There are plenty of places to pick up one that matches you skin tone and close to your natural color. What makes it obvious, is a person with blond wig with black eyebrows and eye lashes. You'd stand out in a crowd.

Make up can be a biggie. A hint, less is more. Don't over do it. Worst part is beard cover. Once you hide the beard, then apply foundation then the rest, but do not over do it.

Boobs can give you away if you are too flat chested (some men are developed and get away with a bra). You can buy silicon ones from $60 to over $200. Foam breast forms are a lot cheaper and then you can make your own with stockings and bird seed to fill a bra. What ever you decide, make sure your breasts are in proportion to your body structure. In other words, if you go out with size F cups, you better believe you'll get noticed in a heart beat, and in the wrong way. Stick with B to C cups.

Legs, if you were a dress or skirt, stocking or pantyhose are a must. They can really enhance the looks of your legs so you don't stand out. If you have a lot of leg hair, and do not want to shave it off (it grows back anyway) you may wear two pairs of stockings/pantyhose to hide the hair. But it is best to shave.



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Shoes, if you have never worn them, do not wear high heels. Go with flats or shoes with heels of no more than an inch. Your legs will thank you and it is easier walking until you get used to them.

When you do get out there, relax and act natural and enjoy yourself. Act like that you've been doing this for years and do not bring attention to yourself. Remember one thing, there is no crime in going out crossdressed. """"Women have been crossdressing for years"""""'.

Go out and have fun.



Tips for looking your Best

2007-12-23T11:48:21.969-08:00

The following are helpful things Ive learned over the years for looking your absolute best.

Wear simple clothes; nice sweaters; shirts; blouses; and tees.


* Make sure all clothing are clean and pressed.
* Skirts, jeans or black pants, black tops, greens, dark grays, reds are ok.
* No white or light color tops please


Do not wear... busy prints, ruffles, or anything with a logo (ie: Nike, Tommy).


Wear your hair and makeup simple, the way you would normally wear for an audition.
Remember your head shot should look like you.

If you are hiring an in house makeup artist please come in with no makeup and clean, dry hair.

Try to relax and come across naturally, let the real you come out in your photos.
Do not act scared the camera will pick it up. Practice your smile in a mirror.

Helpful Hints for Composites

Bring bright colorful clothes, props, and matching jewelry.
A variety of different outfits with multiple different looks.
(example: business, casual, sporty, bathing suit...)

Supply your own hair accessories to match your outfits.


Wear your hair and makeup simple, the way you would normally wear for an audition. Remember your head shot should look like you.


Try to relax and come across naturally, let the real you come out in your photos.
Do not act scared the camera will pick it up. Practice your smile in a mirror.


About Clothing Color, Tone, and Style...

Make-Up...

Make up should be worn in the normal amount. Do not apply extra unless you are having a modeling session done,

in which case a licensed aesthetician, trained in model make-up, should be handling the details.

You'll also want to consider the location of your session. For a natural setting like the beach,

more neutral and soft colors will harmonize well. For a business portrait with a little flash, bold colors and high contrast eye shadow can give you the attention you desire.



Wedding

2007-10-21T18:48:36.600-07:00

So, I have Chasana coming up next week and Im trying to decide what to buy/wear.Its a Chasidish affair, so I need to fit in, Many thanks to my friends Shira and Aviva for sending me the following links. Facebook's my style has helped immensely too.

I need a very classy, elegant suit, but not sthing too stuufy or tired. Something with a lot of class and refinement, understated elegance. Yet also possessing some bounce and suoir de vivre. The following caught my eye.


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I love the rich sily, satiny look. With the right shoes and hosiery it really does wonders.Of course its absolutely essntial to keep the following in mind for the right results, when you absolutely, positively must have excellent results.

1. Plump – use two moisturisers, maybe a hydrating one and a balm.The sales lady at Victoria Secret gave me a very helpful and most informative demo of this. They have such nice products and great service.

2. Brighten - concealer under the eyes will brighten and make you look less tired.
3. Smooth – foundation or tinted moisturiser will help to even out the skin tone.
4. Define – liner and mascara will define the eyes. Also use a brow pencil and lip-liner.
5. Pop – this means colour, add a little to your cheeks and to your lips.

I hope I am able to get it all together for the desired effect..



Frustration

2007-10-12T02:23:03.654-07:00

Our Succos party was a smashing success, much appreciation to all of you who came. Especially you Shira, for all your Chizik and enthusiasm. Its friends like you that make this whole blog worthwhile.

On Simchas Torah, I decided to listen to Shirah's advice and dress up for Hakofos. It was a little bit of a disapointment as the women in the shul I was at, as well as several other Yeshivas and places I went to just stand in the balcony and watch the men and dont dance or do anything particularly special to acknowledge Simchas Torah. But I still had a wonderful time and found many lovely ladies to talk to about a host of topics. I learned how to make Choluptches (stuffed cabbage) with a real zesty, tangy sauce. Discussed how to prevent a good roast from shrinking and drying out. More importantly, I stand corrected from my last post. It seems that its perfectly acceptable to wear nude tights in the fall and winter with a suede skirt.

However the past few days have been rather frustrating, as I saw 100s of exquisite gorgeous outfits in Shul and on the streets of Monsey on Yom Tov and different Chol Hamoed outings. But then this week , the past few days I have been googling for hours and visting hundreds of websites, and cant find a single thing I like.

Fortunately, a very good friend in New Zealand send me the following link... To go with these or these
I hope now that the holidays are over, to hear from my facebook friends a lot more. Not finding the rt outfit should be the worst thing that happens to us.






2 Comments

2007-09-24T00:34:07.048-07:00

Its been a while , so I felt I am long overdue. Initially I looked at the comments, but then decided I am writing this as a catharsis for me, not to get mega-comments.

Its also part of the blog-facebook-email support group for several really special "girls" so I am going to do a new piece.


Rosh Hashana and YC was very nice. Its the time of year when all the new fall fashions are out. I really love the sheitels with the the layered look. This one in particular is very nice.

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These are the outfits I am currently looking at..

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Succos is the time when traditionally, we switch from nude to black opaque in hosiery styles. Looking forward to our annual Succos party get together. Hoping to see all my friends there.



Aviva

2007-07-30T16:33:42.938-07:00

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I am actually quite busy these days, but since my dear friend Suri, asked me I will write a short lil post. I want to wish a special heart-felt mazal tov to her on the recent of a beautiful baby girl ...7lb 7 oz..

Me and the girls would love to throw her a baby shower, but she is in California and we are all on the east coast. So just tell us what you need..

In other news Im very worried about the sudden diapearence of Aviva. Suddenly theres no trace of her on Facebook, and she deleted her blog again...Hope everything is ok...



Tagged

2007-07-11T20:46:54.912-07:00

I've been tagged by Venter


Here are the rules:


Each player lists 8 facts/habits about themselves.The rules of the game are posted at the beginning before those facts/habits are listed.At the end of the post, the player then tags 8 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged.



1) I love being a girl

2) Lovely womens clothing, especially hosiery makes me feel so calm and relaxed.

3) I am especially very happy to see we are getting new members in our facebook . Its great providing emotional support and closeness for each other.

4) Doing lunch with my friends and going shopping for new outfits in the mall is da bomb...

5) The city is great for shopping and eating out, but nothing beats a quiet upstate sub to chill at night..

6) Pink is sooooo my color, great in skirts, intimate apparel, and hand bags..


7) A girl can never have too many shoes..

8) In the hot summer, falls rule...



I tag Shpitzel, Chaverah, JACP, MegaPitzel, NotsoFrummy, FrumSatire, Sweetrose, David on Lake



My Best Shabbos Ever

2007-06-24T06:10:41.618-07:00

I had absolutely, positively without the very best Shabbos experience I ever had. Friday afternoon after coming home from the Mikva, I took a very relaxing bubble bath.....

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This was follwed up by splashing on my favorite Jean Nate body lotion. The piece de
resistance was this really beautiful product that makes all the difference in the world.

Super-Primal
Human Female Pheromones
“The Little Bit of Magic a girl cannot be without”
“Pheromones are hormonal secretions which stimulate a physiological or behavioral response from individuals of the same species.”
Quite simply, pheromones define us to the opposite sex.

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A million thanks to Aviva for sending me the link..You have really improved my life in so many ways. I can never repay you.
Now I was ready to get dressed. After intimate apparel, which I am not about to discuss here for obvious reasons, my choice was a very elegant brown suede skirt, and lovely coffee knee-highs, and a very eidl light tan cashmere sweater top, with with a floral and fruit pattern.

Obviously the head piece was regal... (image)

Along with this this ...

The folks at ..Womans Touch conveniently located near Boro Park helped immensely to make this dream come alive. They do excellent makovers, help you shop for clothing, teach you grace, poise and style. How to walk and talk like a lady. Then to top it all off, take you on a social outing such as a tea, or a luncheon with other ladies, until you have down perfectly. And you can cofidently socialize with any group of women..


Finally, I was ready to go to my very first Shalom Zachor as an Isha. I had the most
wonderful time imaginable. I will treasure it forever. Whenever I went as a man, I just sat all alone, completely ignored. The other guys discuss real estate or politics or other shtissim, and no one says a word to me. Here every woman say hello, and were allexceptionally warm and friendly. They all seemed to care very much about each other. Its such an ecstatic sublime feeling. I am so thankful to have this brocha



Emotional Turmoil

2007-06-06T21:44:28.039-07:00

I'm very happy that Facebook is up and about.I hope it will develop into the kind of support , Aviva had in mind, when I initially agreed to create this blog. You have all got me thinking,about many things, particularly, on the relationship, communal, and hashkafic levels. Shira, I have the same dilemma you have. Bh, my wife is very open and understanding, and we believe in keeping the lines of communication open, but she is always sending me mixed messages.On the one hand we have spoken about it numerous times. We always go for manicures (clear polish, obviously lol), pedicures, and eyebrow waxings together. She loves the fact that I go shopping with her in the mall for clothing, handbags, jewelry, cosmetics, and hygiene supplies. Whenever I go to sheitl salon or make-up stores, she says, its great to have a girl-friend, most men would be bored to death and have no patience for this.Then she tells me whimsically, “just remember I’m the queen bee. You aren’t getting a fallor an outfit or nice shoes, until I get a Human Hair sheitl or a new suit. If you want to have your lil fantasies, that’s fine, but at my expense. “Seriously though, She is always saying things like, anyone can dress up and play Purim, but I would love for you to see what a period feels like just once, never mind child-birth. You could never survive that. I was dicussing linen wraps and eyebrow-shaping, the other day, when suddenly she tells me I understand you are curious how the other half lives but don’t get carried away. I want a real man. Or she says, don’t worry you can go to the best mak-up artist in the world you will still have all the annoying male characteristics. You still think like a guy.Over Shabbos, we had a minor tiff. She told me that I need a shower. When I replied, half-kidding, that I could use a relaxing bath with Channel splash-on, she got annoyed and said stop with the faggy-talk My wife isn’t as annoyed as I thought she would be about my shaving most of my body-hair. She just remarked in passing, “I love fuzz, someone as annoying and frustrating as you needs all the cute-appeal you have, you’re a man, just be happy with that and enjoy the benefits.. “.So basically, this causes me intense, internal turmoil.. Do I suppress what makes me very happy, and gives me the most menuchas hanefesh, for my wife’s sake. In order for her to be calm, relaxed, and possibly happy, albeit only externally.Or do I completely embrace my inner feelings, when we are alone in the privacy of our house. This way I am pretty sure that I can provide genuine love and affection, radiate complete inner peace.Similarly, in regards to Avodas Hashem, I realize that there is the obvious issur of Lo Tilbush. But it is my understanding from a perfunctory reading of the Bais Yoseif, Ramah, Rambam, Smag, Chinuch, and other sources, that the main issur is to mingle with women for the purpose of Znus. So for the sake of this conversation, lets say that one is only CD-ing in the privacy of one’s bedroom.Aside from this, should one endeavor to always suppress ones feelings and emotions in order to hear Krias HaTorah, dav with a minyan, go to a shiur, learn Torah in the best possible way, and have access to Tzibbur-related mitzvos and communal activities, even if this results in depression. We know from Chasidishe seforim, that one can only grow in Ruchnius and Avodas Hashem thru Simcha. Depression is the antithesis of this and will cause a big Yerida, instead. Or should one embrace who they are, and acknowledge their emotions and feelings, especially if it causes you be Shtark bSimcha, and have calm, peace and tranquility. As a result of this, one obviously has significantly less Torah, quantitively, but perhaps more qualitatively. I would sincerely like to hear Esti’s feelings and experiences i[...]



Like to join our Facebook group?

2007-06-01T10:11:40.190-07:00

If you're a FRUM cd/tv or tg, you can join! It was created by Sara B. To get an invite, you must first TELL US something about yourself as it relates to crossdressing. Please email me at genevieve-2007@hotmail.com



Feelings

2007-05-28T22:59:09.324-07:00

So yesterday, first I was in the Library in the morning, as I don’t have a printer. As fate would have it , the computer that was assigned to me, had me sitting next to a rather attractive young, frum lady. She was quite a distraction, but not for the obvious reason that most people would think. I really admired her shoes and hosiery. How I would of loved to tell her, and have a girl-girl conversation.

Her sheitl was also really beautiful. I found it frustrating, beyond words that I couldn’t tell her so, but obviously in our circles that would be suicidal. I wonder how many of my new friends, that BH, I have been fortunate to meet thru this blog experiences these nesoynos on a regular basis.

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Later on in the afternoon, I had to attend a Vort . Since, I didn’t know a soul there, as it was my wife’s friend , I spent most of the time together with my wife in the lady’s section. There was no one to talk to, so I basically was just observing what everyone was wearing, and how put-together most of the girls were. I experienced tremendous feelings of jealousy, as I would of loved to get all dolled out for this affair. Especially since on a more social note, I find it somewhat unfair that often I can go to a Shalom Zochur or Kiddush, even with a crowd that I know and still just sit there the whole time and be totally ignored. Whereas, my wife or mother-in-law can go to the same simchas, and know absolutely no one and yet all the ladies are very friendly and talk to them the whole time. . I sometimes make myself happy by fantasizing that I say some magic words, and puff, Im one of the girls, the prettiest one, lol…

Shirah, commented about the brocha “Shelo Asani Isha”. That is something to ponder. Do you go by your thoughts, feelings, emotions, or do you still go by your physical mtzius. Its hard to say. On the whole topic of cross-dressing in general, and the emotional feelings in particular, first I asked a number of rather Yeshivish Rovs in the community. I specifically went to the ones that I had the impression were very open-minded and understating. To my total chagrin and disappointment, they just said, that it’s a disgusting, sick world and such ppl need help. Fortunately, I was pleased that I emailed here, and they did a very nice piece, even though they sidestepped the core of the matter. But at least, I know where to go to discuss it further.

In conclusion, I also want to say thank youto SaraH, the warmth and friendship she has extended me means a lot.



Fiction is back up

2007-05-27T08:09:05.942-07:00

AvivaTamar has posted her old fiction posts, this time in one chapter-based post. Click on her link at right to read it all.



Shavuos Get Together

2007-05-22T10:31:04.188-07:00

We will be having our Shavuos party Wed afternoon by Aviva’s house Wed afternoon. Since I am making all the cheesecake, Im providing the recipe here.


3/4 bag vanilla cookies, crumbed
several spats butter

Dump crumbs into 9" round pan (the foil pans have the 8 triangles on the bottom - that is the indication that it is the 9" pan), place spats of butter on crumbs and place in oven that is pre-heating on 350 degrees for a coupla' minutes, until you see the globs of butter melting down. Remove. Mix crumbs with butter, then press crumbs down to form crust.
Cheese Mixture:
1 lb. farmer cheese
1 small sour cream
3/4 - 1 cup sugar (depending on how sweet you like it)
1 scoop vanilla sugar
3 eggs
2 tsp. lemon juice or 1/2 squeezed fresh lemon
3 tbsp. flour

Blend all ingredients well, until very creamy. Pour onto crust and bake for 50 minutes at 350 degrees.
Decorate as per your individual liking.Enjoy! It's cheap and yum!
Then Im going to do a nice chocolate fudge topping…



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Sara is bringing her special Fettucini Alfredo…


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I got a nice comfortable hat and suit for yomtov…Along with shoes to match.

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Aviva, stunning as usual..


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Looking forward to seeing everyone… ChagSameach..
Sara_H, your invited too…



My World and Welcome to It

2007-05-20T22:30:12.608-07:00

Another look into my world. While going about my numerous errands on a very busy Sunday afternoon with my wife we stopped in a Barnes and Nobles to pick up a copy of Newsweek. Thank you, Shira for the tip about the article. Ordinarily, it would of been unconsequential. However, since I usually only buy computer magazine and Yiddishe periodicals, so it raised some suspicion.

After this we needed to go to Walmart, as she just had her monthly Vest, and it really hit hard, totally soaking thru an overnight pad in 2 hours, with severe spasms. Something,that, us wannabee-girls dont have to experience, BH.

Once inside Walmart, I decided once I'm already there, I would get Nair or a similar product for my legs . Now, for regular girls, this is as routine as buying a carton of milk. However, in my case, I had to employ considerable stealth and cunning as well as tremendous discretion. When she had her products, I convinced her to pay for them and go to the bathroom. This allowed me time to make my purchase.Only problem was that all I could see in the store were Chasidishe yidden. As I was trying to make my selection, it became necessary to walk away from that aisle numerous times when froin in bindelach, came by to look at stuff.

Not that I minded the oportunity to admire their outfits. Many of them are clearly more fashion-conscious and color coordinated then plain vanilla frum women, but I so don't go for that coffee shade hosiery look.

Finally, I found what I wanted, and managed to buy it and hide it in the car, while my better half was in the bathroom.. Mission accomplished, although it felt as dangerous as doing something like shoplifting jewelry...Anyone else have these experiences...








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Night Out for the Girls

2007-05-18T12:48:38.525-07:00

Originally I intended for this to be a very serious blog, for discussing feelings and emotions, halachic and haskafic thoughts on the subject. However, my dear friend Aviva, asked if I could write some fiction. So I figured its Rosh Hodesh, and Sfira is over, so why not have some fun. Sara really does need to get out more, so Avia, myself, SM, and Esti decided, why not go to this lovely Tzedoka event. I heard about this backyard BBQ in a very posh neighborhood.. Fortunately, I don’t live anywhere near there and no one knows me or my friends, so why not. Aviva thought it was a great idea, so I called SM, and Esti. Chumi couldn’t make it, because her best friends Vort was that night. It took a long time to decide what to wear. I had these outfits to choose from . Finally I decided on this. It goes well with these... ... Now I need a Sheitl to go with it.. Now all I need is the right bag.. Decisions, decisions... !!! Nuance Perfume was the piece de Resistance.. Aviva had a really stunning outfit, too. When you go to these functions, its very important to come early, because one would that these ladies never saw food in their life, all the good stuff disapears so fast. The pregnant ones, especially can really eat, K'Ayin Hora. Can't say that I blame them as the food is really good, and I love BBQ.. However, its worth mentioning, and this is serious, pay mention to how you eat. If you are used to being around Yeshiva guys, your manners are probably not up to snuff. The ladies have impeccable manners and etiquette and eat very gracefully. This will give you away faster than anything else. The Chinese Auction was really exquisite. I ended up with nothing as usual, story of my life, but Esti is always winning something. This time, a really cool Cuisinart blender, last time it was a very elegant lamp. After that, there was a musical presentation, by a group of High Schol girls.Uch, oh, now we're in trouble, I said to Aviva.I had to think fast. Upon reviewing the entire sugya in my mind and working it through, I finally came to the following conclusion. First of all, R Ezril Hildesheimer wrote a Tshuva and Poskined that Trei Kolos Lo Mistamei (several voices at once arent discernible ). and tend to drown each other out so there isnt a recognizable Kol Isha. Although the Gam' in Sotah 48a, discusses a ladies quoir with men answering the refrains and finds it very bad, because it incites the Yetzer Hara, like a lit match burns up straw.The Mishna Brura (560:13), cites this and rather vehemently condems this custom of quoires in shul. Nevertheless, this case is different. Tos' in RH, states that if one hears a Tekiah and a trumpet-blast at the same time, one can be yoitzeh the mitzva of Tekias Shofar, because he greatly relishes the mitzva and will be mechavin to the Shofar. One sees from this, that if not for the mitzva, we would say Trei Koilos Lo Mistame. So it would seem that in this case, with the girls singing, one can rely on R Hildesheimer's psak. In addition, there is a tziruf, that there was a microphone/sound system, so we are actually hearing Kol electronics, rather than a real Kol Isha. As it turned out, during the singing, a lady sitting next to us, was talking rather loudly to her frend about a girl that just got engaged..In the row behind us, two girls were discussing how crazy their HS is, and how new takanas are being enforced concerning tight A-line skirts. So we didnt hear the singing so clearly. Most of the ladies were vere very sweet. Sometimes you meet very snobby types, at these things, but this time it was very nice, and it was for a very chshuv Hachnasas Calla organ[...]



Shabbos was Wonderful

2007-08-14T22:44:09.092-07:00

I must say the past Friday night was a real rush. I was feeling particularly, down, because I read so much online about CrossDressing, and check a few very good forums, but I was still seriously procrastinating. Partially, due to the time,but there is also sthing, that needs to be done, learn, davern, eat, sleep, check the endless amt of blogs, orums, chatrooms, etc...They can be really addictive. Not to many thousands of really cool sht to see online. I could spend all my waking hours, just cleaning and organizing my home. But you have to prioritize, really. Here I am in the same gringy black pinstriped suit, wrinkled up white shirt, very far-hungert tznipsl (I think thats yeshivish-yiddish or dorm-speak for a very blase tie that seen better days) . Scratched up ecco loafers, that are eechhh, theyll do. Just feeling and looking at these clothes, really depressed me more then usual. It might be easy, to just make the internet the culprit, like everyon does in my circles. They blaim the internet on everything from a bad hair day, to a bad economy, to the theoretical Shidduch crisis ( doesnt it just stink when you got to have a Porshe and you barely have enuf $ for a 10 yr old run-down VW), to the reason for the turmoil thruout the world. However, to be totally honest, these strong desires and feelings were very much a part of me long before this was an internet, or even home computers, so I dont know. Will blogs such as this, and other cyberfriends that dont make me feel like the lone sicko, propel me to embrace a CD lifestyle, possibly Transition, or was I anyway just doomed to snap, if I tried to just bottle it up and deny it for life. I suppose at the end of the day, if someone is hearing-impaired Chas V Shalom, do they reject a hearing aid, or treatment, so theyll hear Loshon Hara, I dont know.. So anyway, I was determined to go for it, or at least privately until I did more research on social interaction. Afterall, this is potentially suicidal. Were not talking non-jewish open-minded club-hopping chicks in So-Ho, that might accept it after a fashion, especially if they were snorting, lol... But I could never feel comfortable or relate to such ppl. As I have been hermetically sealed in an intensely, closeminded, insulated suburb way upstate NY, for over 20 yrs. Im not complaining, dont get me wrong, I love the sweet, lovely BY girls very much, and feel infinitely closer to them, than I would to any Goy, even a very nice, open-minded, accepting one. That why, as much as I am literally dying to go out enfemme, it requires tremendous research, and planning, so that I dont scare or freak anyone out. Before Shabbos, I had a very nice bubble-bath, Jean Nate beads, it was heavenly. I want to remove the thick growth of hair on my legs, and chest, but havn't decided whether its better to use a plain razor and cream, or something such as Nair or Veet. One apprehension, I suppose is that, it might cause suspicion at a men's mikva. I guess, I can go to a small quiet one, at a time when no one is there, or just say that I shaved it all off, for bicycle-racing and swimming purposes. For the time being, I guess, nude pantyhose, is out, even though that is my favorite hade and texture, so I will stick to black, navy blue, and off-white/ivory-opaque. I splashed on Chanel #5, and it was a very exhilarating feeling.My choice for the evening was a very nice black suede suit, with strips across the jacket and golden-swirl buttons, with matching black corderoy skirt. I can not even begin to describe the total state of euphoria, I felt. Never dreamed I could have such strong feelings of ectasy alone. I[...]



The Origins

2007-05-10T21:50:35.893-07:00

Ever since I was a small boy, I always felt more comfortable around girls. Throughout elementary school, I only walked home and played with girls in school, my block, and all other social settings. Although many attempts were made on my part to interact with other boys, in many areas, be it homework, designing science projects, playing sports, or just being wild and fighting in the playground, little ever came of it. My father worked very hard to give me the all-American male upbringing, Little League, baseball, soccer, basketball, scouting, and other male-bonding rites of passage. We had a pitchback on our front lawn, so that every day that wasn't brutally cold, would have us there attempting to play baseball, quite often being interrupted by his screaming, "catch the ***&&%% ball, chucky, don't be afraid of it" . He became the little league coach, where I was further humiliated in front of all the other boys. In Cub Scouts, I was the only boy that could never tie the knots, learn any of the camping skills, or earn any of the Merit badges. Once again my father was the Troop leader, becoming very frustrated and embarrassing me in front of everyone. JHS, especially in Public School, is extremely traumatic for anyone. However, it was infinitely more so for me, because as much as I tried and wanted to make friends, bond, and form solid rel-ships with other boys, it never happened. At the time, I was beginning to develop a strong interest in Yiddishkeit, and learning Torah. Every Shabbos, during walks home with the local Conservative Rabbi, someone from the old school, who learned in Torah V-Daas, not JTS, there was no end to my questions. Most went unanswered. This caused great internal turmoil. On the one hand, I now realized, it was important to relate to boys more, on the other, emotionally, this was extremely difficult and I never succeeded at it. In fact, the closest relationships in my adolescent years were with girls, and none of them became sexual. If you are wondering about my orientation, I am 100% straight and for sure, there were tremendous taivos and thoughts like any healthy adolescent, going thru puberty, nevertheless none of thes friendships ever became physical. By the time, I reached High School, there was really no point in denying my feelings, and the tremendous pressure of being in all Honors classes, and working hard to get all As, and do my best to assure getting into a good college left no energy, or mental/emotional abilities to fight it..As a result of this, whereas, in JHS, I took wood-shop, contact sports, and all male-dominated subjects and activities; in HS , I took Home Ec (cooking and sewing), tennis, golf, and swimming. Interestingly, I was able to convince the Phys Ed director to allow me to swim between periods, when the pool wasn’t being used, to avoid mixed swimming. For extra-curricular activities, I got very involved in Debate Club, Poetry Club, and a Literature extra-credit seminar that featured romance novels. An added benefit of was that extremely intelligent, cultured students were far more open-minded and accepting than the general school population. I developed many close relationships with very sweet girls as a result of this.In 11th grade, after making the full commitment to become frum, a strange dichotomy came about. I wanted to avoid girls entirely to conform with halacha, but that was sort of like not breathing. The year started off with an eight week stint in a mainstream Yeshiva HS, far away from home, that was abysmally unproductive. The secular education provided was appalling; the Limudei Kodesh was at [...]



Input needed

2007-05-07T21:09:01.239-07:00

(image)


What will become of this blog?
As I stated last week, I don't want to cause others to sin. Some people have commented that I was in fact performing a service, allowing us closeted frum CDs an outlet. But if it is to be used as an outlet, that means YOU have to ALSO contribute. The CD fiction was fun, but I think it may be exasperating our "issues" not helping.Your thoughts and contributions would be appreciated.

It would be greatly appreciated if anyone who has thoughts, feelings, experiences relating to this would share them in a caring, sensitive way, as I am trying really hard to avoid Goyish support groups and forums, and feel very alone and confused...




A New Beginning

2007-05-07T14:22:51.274-07:00

I found this blog to be so unique, so comforting, and so helpful, that it cused me considerable distress when it was taken down. So I have decided to rebuild it, and help my new friend Shoshana run it. Unless there is a tremendous demand from the readers, I have decided to avoid the whimsical fiction and stick to truth. The main part of the blog will be to predominately discuss issues, be it of a psycological, emotional nature, as well as the Halachic and Hashkafic ramifications to Orthodox Jews who have already transitioned and are living it full or part time, those in the process of transition, as well as, those among us, who are merely curious, and are exploring the CD and re-evaluating our gender issues and what we are comfortable with.. That isnt to say it will be a deadly serious blog, either. Hopefully there will be room for fun too...

Stephany



Do Orthodox Jewish crossdressers exist?

I'm not really sure. I sometimes feel as if I am the only frum man out there with a desire to look like a beautiful frum, woman. Am I wrong? If you're an Orthodox, frum man, and you're a crossdresser, please use this blog as a place where you can let your hair (or sheitel) down! Tell us about yourself, in as much detail as you'd like. If you're married, does your wife know about your second self? If so, does she care a lot or a little? (I can't imagine any woman encouraging this!)

I don't want to really encourage crossdressing, because if you're frum, you also know this behavior is questionable. But hopefully this can be an outlet.

I look forward to hearing from the "women" in your lives!

Love,
Genevieve