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Cute Jewess Tells All

Back in the dating world. Oy.

Updated: 2014-10-05T00:39:55.954-05:00




The title of this post is: But will he be a dick?

I felt like having a title.

Because I am in need of distraction right now, I'm letting my Jdate screening process lapse a little. It's not like I'll go out with anyone, but if a guy rushes to ask me out after only a couple emails and no phone call, eh, I'll take it. And so we get Maybe Dick. I like how it sounds like Moby Dick, which makes me feel half-way clever.

Maybe Dick has an adorable dog (visible in pic) and a sweet smile. Annnnd that's about what I like about him right now. We will likely get together soon, but part of the planning process has given me pause. For one, he initially asked if I wanted to walk around the city for our date, dog in tow. I wrote back--Sure, but that'll mean I'll wear flats instead of my usual date heels. He protested: Oh, but I love heels! Let's do something else.

So wait. Maybe Dick expected me to walk all over town with his dog in uncomfortable shoes? Strike One.

Maybe Dick implied that he likes when women dress up a bit. He then gently balked when I suggested an upscale--not too pricey or exclusive, mind you, just not a pub--location. He said he'd been really busy that week and out a lot, and he just wanted to relax.

Soooooo wait again. He wants to relax, but he wants me to get all dolled up while he's relaxing? Strike Two. I very nearly wrote that to him: So you want to relax but not enough for me to be able to relax as well?

Yeah, sounds like a dick, no? Also I know he's very into my pictures more than anything else, probably because he's mentioned them more than once.

So why am I going out with him?

There you go. I need the distraction. I need to be out of my house and preoccupied away from my own thoughts. And if that means collecting a story about a guy who turns out to be a dick so I can blog about it? Then I guess that's what I'm doing.

But then maybe he'll surprise me...

--Cute Jewess



I haven't been writing because I haven't been doing so good. And I've been trying to find any distraction I can from thinking about how I'm not doing so good. Things with Surprise! got very close and intense very fast, and he was a dream. An absolute joy that made me happier than I've been in years. And then at the first sign that not every single moment was going to be all fantasy and perfection, he bailed. There's nothing I can do; he is gone. Even though the way things ended did indeed make me realize he wasn't as amazing as he seemed, it doesn't matter. He still broke my heart into tiny, sharp pieces, and they still sting. But I have tried to talk and think about him as little as possible.

Fratty, from a few weeks back? He continued to text for a while, and then he asked me out again. After things fizzled with Surprise!, I accepted. We had a great time. I like him, but I don't think we're a match for anything long-term or serious. However, as happens so often, he is now cooling and no longer responding if I text him. Great. If he vanishes, I won't mourn the loss of him so much as I will the loss of the distraction. We had fun. These days I need whatever fun I can get.

It's not just dudes. It's everything. Career, life, everything is going south. It's been very tough to take. I broke down and went to my parents' house, cried to them, told him how unhappy I've been recently. They assured me that they think I can do anything. That I will pull through. That things will be okay.

But for right now, it's just very, very hard.



Hottie1 never made a peep again. A guy friend says it sounds like H1 just wanted to get me interested, and then vanish off to get the next girl interested. Who knows? It was just--to me--an odd situation to have a guy calling, emailing, courting one minute and then, literally, vanishing the next. I still don't get it.

Fratty? We still don't get him either. He stopped emailing and texting for a day, so I figured--okay, he was just being friendly. I wasn't really into him anyway. But then he texted again yesterday, and he implied he's going to keep on texting me. Will he ask me out again when he's back from the long weekend away? I have no idea. Either way I won't consider it a big deal.

Now let's move on to "Surprise!" Surprise! jdate-emailed me last week, and if it weren't for his message, I probably wouldn't have written back. He hadn't written much on his profile, and his pics were not all that cute. Not unattractive, mind you, just on the shlubby side. But he complimented what I'd written in my profile, and something prompted me to write back. Maybe it was because I was still smarting from Hottie1, and any distraction was welcome. We emailed a bit, and it was a perfectly fine back and forth--if perhaps not exhilarating. We set up a date, I thought very little of it, and we went about our respective weeks from there.

Then I met him. Surprise! What a great guy. First of all, he's handsome. Very handsome. And the direct opposite of shlubby. Our conversation flowed well, and I had a great time with him. But I couldn't exactly tell how he was feeling about me. He seemed to be enjoying my company, but would the interest move beyond that? Earlier than I'd like, he said he had to go. It was a good reason, but I was disappointed--and a bit nervous. Was he just making an excuse to end the date? We walked out of the restaurant, to where he had his car (he has a car!), and I thought--okay, will he kiss me goodnight? Come on, Surprise!, kiss me goodnight. He took my hand and kissed that. Mmmmkay. What does that mean!? I felt my heart sinking. You don't kiss a girl's hand if you want another date, do you?

But then he said, "I had a great time with you, can we do it again?" And I said yes. Soooo hopefully we have an as-yet-unplanned date for the future. I was even more pleased when the first thing next morning I got an email saying again that he enjoyed meeting me and looks forward to next time.

That's good, right? I mean, I don't know anymore!!

Please let's not face another disappointment, Dating Gods. I've had some tough experiences with dudes in the past few months. My emotions can't handle too much more confusing disappointment...throw me a bone?



Boys. Are. Confusing. That's it right there.

I went on a date a couple days ago with a guy we'll call Fratty. As you might get from the name, he's not really my type. He's a bit younger, he's on the blond side, and he's kind of a frat-boy type. That said, our date was enjoyable enough. He was very much a gentleman, which I like. He pushed my chair in, walked me home, did all the nice touches a well-brought up boy does for a girl. Also, he's cute. And he's got a hot body. And he seems honest, doesn't give off the douche-vibe. So is he my soul match? Probably not. Would I go out with him again? Yes.

At the end of the night, Fratty stressed how good it was to meet me, and he kissed me on the cheek a couple times, but it didn't seem like he was trying to go for the goodnight kiss. We'd had laughs, good conversation. He seemed to like hanging out with me, so I thought maybe he'd go for the kiss. When he didn't--and when he didn't leave with the "I'll call you," then I figured--okay, guess he's not interested.

But the next morning, he emailed me. And again he said how great it was to meet me. And there's been some email back-and-forth and some texting since. More than I'd imagine from someone who's not interested, but still with no mention of getting together again.

So what's the story? Is he interested--and keeping in touch for that reason? Or is he not interested--and emailing/texting to be nice? I have no idea. But he did intimate during our date that he's not looking for new friends. So I am--surprise surprise!--confused.

Fratty's away for the long weekend. I guess I'll see what he does when he's back.

Boys are weird.



No Hottie1. And for the first time in months, no other guys waiting in the wings. So maybe I'll be taking a break from dating. I'm sure I'll get handily back on the saddle soon, but to keep looking forward to seeing someone and to keep being disappointed over and over throughout my many months of dating has gotten wearying.

Don't have much else to say right now!

--Cute Jewess



I am in a really bad mood.

Part of this has to do with my time of the month, which always makes me feel down. Part of it has to do with work stuff. And part of it has to do with Hottie1.

Hottie1 has vanished. At least for now. It's weird.

After our first date, he emailed me the next morning to ask for another. He's been calling, texting, emailing, all suave and charming and let's-court-CJ. Then, suddenly, he had to cancel our date, understandably. Since then I've heard nothing. I texted him since then, and he hasn't responded. I know he's away, but in the past he's still gotten in touch. It just feels weird. Why has he all of the sudden disappeared? I can't think of a single thing I may have done that could have scared him away.

I guess the only thing to do is wait and see if he reschedules. Again, oddly, I just have a feeling he's not going to. I hate this part. I hate when the gorgeous, sweet, smart guy vanishes for no reason. I just don't get it!

--Cute Jewess



Ohhhh well. I learned it wasn't that Hottie1 came home early. It was that he was going to be in town one night this week, and he wanted to see me.

But, alas, as I should have anticipated with only one day in town, work got him. He had to cancel our date. He was appropriately contrite, and genuinely disappointed.

I'm disappointed too! But the excuse was good, and so I'll hope for better next time! What a bummer that I have to wait, though.

Clearly Hottie1 hasn't been reading this blog and doesn't realize how impatient I can be!

--Cute Jewess

P.S. Gymnastics can be totally riveting, no!? And I thought dating was drama!



So what if Hottie1 was getting back in town earlier than he expected? And let's say he called to ask me out for the night he gets home?

How sweet would that be?

I'm having some what-to-wear indecision...

--Cute Jewess



Hmmm, since I started blogging again more frequently, the comments have been riddled with Orthodox Jewish spam. Note to all Jewish spammers: I screen comments. I delete yours. 

Hottie1 is out of town this week, so I figured I'd just talk to him when he's back, and we'd hopefully set up a 2nd date then. Surprisingly, though, he called me, out of the blue. Just to chat. He was obviously trying kinda hard, too. Trying to make me laugh, trying to compliment me. Just sounding like a guy who likes a girl and is looking forward to seeing her again. 

Now, Loverville and I know alllll about dudes who fall for us after the first date, shower us with attention, and then pretty much vanish after another date or two. What's nice this time around with Hottie1, is that while I do have a giddy feeling about him, it feels more tempered. More rational. With OS, for example, who's the guy I would most compare with Hottie1--two super handsome, successful, fun guys courting me after a first date--I was on cloud friggin' 9. I coulda had that cloud tattooed on my forehead. But the attention Hottie1 is showing me doesn't feel overdone. It feels like just the right amount--enough to show his interest, but not so much that the dating part will be moving full throttle forward.

And so, with Hottie1, we have a To Be Continued...

--Cute Jewess



I looked back in the archives to discover that the dude I'm going to tell you about next is Hottie1. Man he goes back aways. He's one of the best-looking guys I've ever seen on Jdate. He is hot. Period. Or, at least, his pictures were. We had made plans before, and they didn't work out. Basically, he never confirmed or canceled, and the day of the date simply passed by without event. So when I saw him back on Jdate, I didn't think much except, "Oh, there's that really hot guy I never got to meet." And then he popped back into my inbox.

Since he reconnected, Hottie1 has acted exactly as someone feeling contrite should act. He apologized for what happened months ago, he asked me if I'd give him another chance, and he put in every effort to take me on a very nice date. 

Um, guess what? He's hotter in person.

But it's not just about the hotness, I promise. He's also funny, so smart, successful, has a cute sense of style. And he made up for the lack of any affection showed by Sweet Square. He sat down next to me about as close as he could, and though we weren't really touching throughout the night, there seemed to be chemistry. He told me that he'd kept thinking about me since the last time we had spoken, and that I'd seemed so intelligent. He seems highly impressed by intelligence. It didn't hurt that he also told me I looked just like my pics. He dropped me on my doorstep, leaned in for a kiss, and it was an awesome one.

Back when we were first due to hang out, I remember feeling insecure--kind of like, but he's got these model good-looks, and I'm just "cute." I'm happy to report I didn't feel that way while anticipating the date this time around. I have felt like pretty friggin' hot stuff lately. I'm not sure where the change in attitude came from, but I feel like (tastefully) flaunting my little bod and making boys lust after it. Or something a bit more tame, but to that effect.

So will Hottie1 lust after me? I don't know. I do know he asked for a second date almost first thing the next day. I expect it to happen, but I do still feel a bit unsure about how reliable he is. Still, so far he's made every effort to court me well. He's not coming on too strong or too weak. I think we'll make it to a second date. Seems we both want to. 

He seems like the perfect catch. But perfect can also be scary. Because if no one's perfect...then what's wrong with him? We'll see where this one goes. But I'll tell you--he is without a doubt a superb antidote for the Original Sporty addiction. Then again, Original Sporty started out courting me hard-core too. And so I can have no expectations at all right now. 

Just some hope.

--Cute Jewess



I'm in my favorite blogging mode: With a glass full of wine and a head full of stories!Oh, there's so much to tell. I've been composing blog entries in my head for weeks now, while waiting for the subway or walking down the street. "What a good entry this would make!" has crossed my mind way too often for me not to tell you what's going on.But I'm in a conundrum--where to start!? Chronologically? Because that would be the best way for you guys to catch up. But for me? Well, I'm dying to tell you about the last guy, the one I'm most excited about...I wonder if that might have to wait for tomorrow, though.Let's step back a bit, and I'll bring you up to speed on my last 3 jdate guys. The first one we'll call Hell No (a name, you might imagine, conjured up in retrospect). So, Hell No and I had emailed a bit, but mostly we tried to find each other to IM when we were both online. He's a great IMer--witty, quippy, fun. At least on the internets...I was going to be Hell No's last Jdate for a while, he told me. He'd grown disillusioned with the whole thing. Said it wasn't going the way he'd wanted. Now, I've been told this by guys before. Usually it means the guy considers the woman not to be what's "advertised." So I assumed this was what Hell No meant. She doesn't look like her picture, she can't hold a conversation, etc.When I saw Hell No, I reconsidered that assumption. First of all, his profile pictures must have been 1) years old, and he's not an old guy, and 2) taken in light sent down from God's eye itself. I would never have recognized him. But still, what about the witty conversation, right? Ummm, no. He was sarcastic to the point of being actually rude. He insulted my interests, and when I said--not only politely, but actually interested--"Ok, so what are your interests?" He responded: "I have no interests."Really? Really, buddy? I looked at him quizzically. He said, "There must be things I do, but I forget them in an interview situation." Yeahhh, it's called conversation, homeslice. I basically wound up telling him the date should end, and he agreed impolitely. He was nearly mean to me most of the time.Note to Hell No: When you look completely different than your picture and you are unable to hold civil conversation, my guess is that yeah, Jdate ain't gonna work too well for ya.Soon after Hell No would be Sweet Square. We'd also had great email conversations--such a fun back-and-forth. In person, he was much more reserved. But I used to be like that on a first date, too, so I didn't think much of it. Something about him grew on me throughout the date. He's not knock-out handsome, but he was cute, in a square kind of way. This is not a carefree individual, but he had a good sense of humor, and an earnestness about him I liked. When he walked me home, we had some great kissing goodnight. At one point, he even exclaimed "Wow."From then on, we were email dating. Every day, all day, we'd trade flirty messages. Some of what he wrote me was just so sweet--the kind of stuff you hope a guy will write. It was fun, for both of us, and it got a little saucy! So when our 2nd date rolled around, I had somewhat high expectations. I waited for him to put a hand on my back, or casually touch my knee...something...but in person, again, he was absolutely nothing like his emails. Still, we had a few more kisses when he walked me home, and he asked me out on a third date.The emails continued. And they were great. We had such a good email relationship! Flirt, flirt, flirt all day long. It gave me the giddy feeling that makes the early days of dating worth it. I kind of hinted that I expected him to be a bit more flirty in person for our third date--very innocuously, and in the spirit of all our emails--and all of the sudden, he got cold. The next day he emailed me that [...]



Ack! I want to come back, I do!! Another venture is taking up pretty much most of my online free time, but I'll work on a balance.

In the meantime, I see OS on Tuesday, and he's been so sweet lately. I feel much more well-adjusted about our situation, and I'm seeing other people and just enjoying that he's back to the guy I loved hanging out with so much before. What will happen in the future? Who knows. But for now I'm not stressing about it (too much!) And yeahhhh I'll still always delete the know-it-all advice emails about him. They're just so holier-than-thou and make me go "Blah blah blah" in my head as I press "Reject!"

So here's what I need from the collective universe right now, and feel free to put forth your mental energies toward it. Not too much mental energy, mind you. Maybe just an "oh please!" or two. I've got a big date with Original Sporty on Tuesday, and he's promised to be verrrry good to me. But it's also smack dab when I'm supposed to be "indisposed," to use a lady-euphemism. Can the universe please postpone my "indisposal" time by 3 days? Pleeeeease? Just three little days?

Ugh, but I'm bloated and breaking out--that's so not a good sign. If the Monthly Gods give me until Wednesday, I promise the Blogging Gods I'll be a good little dating blogger and update more often. Prommmmmise!!

Stay tuned to hear about the other dude who's entered my life (you've heard of him before!). He's trying to court me pretty actively, and we're due for a lovely dinner Monday night. Let's see how that goes! He recently told me "You could have any guy you want." Haaaaa. If he only knew!

--Cute Jewess



I didn't mean to!I know I've been gone forever. Really, the biggest reason is that for the past 3 weeks, I've been preoccupied with something I just can't blog about because it's sooo identifying. But! It's a joyous thing that has made my life better--and it has eased some of the pain from the tragedy I went through a few months back that you might remember. If you want to guess, or you can't bear not to know, then email at rather than guessing in comments. Has nothing to do with boys, job, family, etc.But yes, in the meantime, I've dated 3 dudes. And I've had 3 other dudes disappear. That's a lot of blogging to do! And also...I'm supposed to see OS this weekend. Will it actually happen? I don't know. What will happen if it happens? I don't know. But it will be the first time we've hung out since the whole heartbreak, and the thought of seeing him again puts a smile on my face. (Yup! I still delete comments about how sure you are that I'm ruining my life by inviting OS back into it. I delete you, judgy commenters certain of your omniscience!)The three disappearing dudes:1) Edgy. We had a good date ages ago; he's sexy and fun. The next day he instantly facebook-friended me. We emailed and texted every day for a while--most often with him initiating! But then one day I texted him and he never texted back. So a couple days later I emailed him, and nothing. There's no figuring this one out, so I won't even try.2) Sweet Stocky. I'll call him that because he has such a sweet smile, and we had quite fun emails. According to his pics, he's shorter and stockier than most of the dudes I date, but still really cute. He left me a lovely voicemail message in which he said he was interested in talking in person to that cute girl he was emailing. I called him back and left a message, and then nothing. I emailed him a few days later, and nothing. Erm...?3) Tweener. Remember 'Tween? Again with this one--after our first date he kept texting me. In fact, once while I was out with Loverville and another friend, he texted that he couldn't wait to be kissed by me again. Never heard from him again.The dudes I dated:1) Quiet Risk Taker: QRT was somewhat reserved, perhaps shy, but was also a bit of a dare-devil. We had a perfectly nice date--one of the more enjoyable ones I've had lately--but there just wasn't any spark for me. If I had been inviting at the end, I think he would have called for another date. But no harm, no foul.2) FEGGELEH. Oy. This guy had such cute pics! Oh, he seemed adorable. We spoke many times on the phone, and he seemed very eager to impress. This actually soured me toward him a bit, because he had that "I'm a comedian! I'm going to be so funny for you!" vibe that you sometimes get when someone's trying too hard. But I thought if I turned out to like him in person, I'd consider it endearing. When we met...ick. He kind of looked like his pics, but his body language and mannerisms were completely different than what I expected. He had a bit of Woody Allen in him, mixed with what I can only describe as a kind of gayness. Don't get me wrong--I love gayness. But I don't want to date it.3) Crazy Politico. Oh, Crazy Politico. This was one of the worst jdates I've had yet. He seemed so interesting--cultured! Creative! Well-educated! But CP spent much of the date trying to convince me how right the war in Iraq was, then vehemently debated other hot-topic issues trying to convince me how his viewpoint was the only valid one. Finally, after over an hour of moralist diatribes, I asked him honestly and frankly--without malice in my tone of voice, "Is this how you usually are on dates? Because I don't think I can take it." He then said he wanted to burst into tears.And then he ordered another[...]



First--you got it, I'm still asking you to hold your tongues--things may not be over with OS. He said he'd call me to hang out. Let's see if he does. I'm more aware of his flaws now, and I'm further removed from those giddy first couple weeks, so I'm going to see how it feels to date him non-exclusively. If he actually calls, that is.

One or Other? Well, he wasn't as dashing as his best pic--which I expected. But he was also cuter than his worst pics. And so I will call him Between :-) 'Tween and I actually had a very nice date. He told me I looked better in person--definitely a confidence booster--and he seemed to greatly enjoy my company. He's a charming guy, and although he knows it, I think he might also be a decent guy. We had a nice kiss goodnight, he asked if I'd like to go on a second date, and I said I would.

I was feeling nice and even-keeled about him. I wasn't dying for the 2nd date, but it was something to look forward to.

But then he didn't call!

It's only been a few days, but usually the ones who want the 2nd date get in touch a day or two later. I still think he'll call, but--sneaky dude--the fact that he hasn't has me thinking more about him.

So to be continued on the Between front!



I haven't written lately for a couple reasons.1) The more something bothers me, the less I tend to talk about it. Not such a good thing, because talking about it usually helps. But it's that initial pain of scratching the wound that I'm really, really bad at. I am Avoidance personified. Cute Annoyance, of course.2) I'm in one of those spots where I don't want advice. I can't explain why--the instinct isn't coming from my rational self--but when I'm in this stage of not wanting advice, any time I read a comment from someone who thinks they know all the answers or a "Sorry to say this but you need to know" or whatever else comes from good intentions but sounds very know-it-all and, in truth, obnoxious, it makes me angry. Angry isn't fun. So keep your advice to yourself, please, no matter how right you think you are (especially considering how right you think you are), or whatever your intentions may be. And for those who say: Comments shouldn't get to you. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. Depends on the subject and my mood. What should or shouldn't be is rarely what is.I did meet with Former Shrink one time to talk about Original Sporty. And I think it helped--he opened my eyes to some facts I really knew but hadn't been able to articulate. Such as that OS is very immature, in his actions and the way he deals with his emotions. He's faulted in ways I had chosen to ignore in favor of the really good parts. I am more aware of these flaws now.Where I left things with OS was this: We said we'd talk things over. I told him I had a feeling I knew what he was going to say--that he didn't think we were compatible in the long-term. I told him I could be up for something more casual, not exclusive. He said that sounded like an interesting proposition, and we'd discuss things.We never did.In the way I go about things, I proceeded to stop talking about him. I pushed him out of my mind. Forcefully. He was something painful. And I am Cute Avoidance.But as is the case with painful things, the unresolved nature of the way we left things--unresolved to me, at least--has kept me from moving on. So I figured, I will write him an email. I'll tell him what I'm thinking. And we'll see how he responds.I didn't write the email.For days, I just didn't feel like it. I asked myself why. Was it because if I didn't hear him say "No, I don't want to see you at all anymore," then the possibility of seeing him again existed somewhere in the ether?Or was it what the Shrink thought? I told him I was scared of writing the email. He asked why. I didn't know. He says: This guy hurt you. He made everything seem like paradise, courted you and wooed you hardcore, and then turned in an instant into something different. What if he says yes? What if he says, yes, let's date casually, while we see other people. But then he creates this wonderful world for you again? Then he can hurt you again.I found myself in a spot where I was damned if I did, damned if I didn't. If I didn't write the email, I know I'd always think of him as a possibility, no matter what the reality of the situation was. If I did write the email, I might be opening myself up for nothing but more hurt in the future.I finally wrote the email.I'm waiting to hear his response.But in the meantime, I have several Jsuitors. Never fear, I am keeping busy. Tonight I have a date with One or Other. I'm calling him One or Other because of his 4 pics, a couple are just fine, one is reallly good, and one is not so good. So which will he look more like? One or the other?To be continued, my friends.Remember--you may be dying to write me your opinoin on the whole Original Sporty situation, in comments or email. I would greatly p[...]



Let's put OS on the table for now, and I'll let you know when and if there are developments.

In the meantime, though, I am keeping busy. With things besides dating, of course, but also with tidbits I can share here.

I met Hair. Oh, Hair. Update your pictures, please. I'm guessing they're at least 5 years old, if not more, and about 20 lbs ago. Besides that, I would not have recognized him. We had a pleasant enough date, and he's successful, with an interesting-to-discuss job, and I enjoyed myself just fine. But when he called the next day to leave a message asking for a 2nd date, I let him know that I just didn't feel the chemistry. I considered going out with him again--since he seems like a good guy--but I decided that I wouldn't try to force it. This time, at least!

There's another dude on the radar, now. One whom I've been emailing with a lot in the past few days. We'll call him Edgy, because he has kind of a hot, bad boy vibe. (I am not looking for a "bad boy," so to speak, I mean this more aesthetically.) We have a lot in common, and so we will see if and when we meet up.

There have been a lot of questions in the comments section--not just recently, but throughout my blogging life--about "What am I looking for?" Well, in the long term, yes, I want to find someone whom I can settle down and created a life with. But in the meantime, I'm satisfied to see where "dating" takes me. I'm not a "just sex only" gal, but I'm also not averse to trying out something casual while at the same time continuing the search for something more lasting. So I'm keeping an open mind as much as possible, hoping to find out what works for me, and what situations I'm okay with, and what situations I'm not okay with.

Even as I hope to find that special someone, it's not like I'm going to be all "Oh my God, we've been dating for two months so now you're my boyyyyfriend." I've said it before: I'm a step-by-step kind of gal. So where I am is this step: Find someone I like to date.

Should we change the name of the blog to Find Cute Jewess A Dude She Likes Dating? :-)

--Cute Jewess



Just a quick update, since many of you are nice enough to care about what's going on. Things remain in limbo with OS. It's confusing and uncertain right now, so more when I sort some stuff out, talk to him more, and make some decisions. Am I still upset about it? Yes. I haven't been thrown for a loop like this by a guy since college, believe it or not.

But if things do continue with OS, I know we'll be seeing other people. So I reconnected with Hair, from a while back, and we've got a date set up for tomorrow night.

That's part of the beauty of Jdate, I'll admit. When you feel like you really want a date, you can usually get a date.

Hair seems sweet, he's offered to come to my neighborhood (you know how I like that!), and so we'll see...

--Cute Jewess



Other shoe. Dropped.

After days of barely acknowledging my existence, OS is emailing that we should "have a chat."

We all know what that means.

So now I get to wait some number of hours before finding out his reasons. If he gives me any...

I've cried for him once already. Wonder what the actual end will feel like.




Oy. I'm stuck in the odd position of really not wanting to talk about it. But also having OS on my mind like a weight that won't be shaken. So what to do? I haven't really been talking about it to friends because it feels painful right now, and I tend to avoid painful things.

You may think I'm overreacting, and I probably am, but what can I do? How can I just dismiss feelings that are there whether I want them to be or not?

Just when I think things are entirely over, he throws me a bone. An email. He lost his phone. Contact is hard. But why isn't he emailing me, then, to say if we're having our date this week or not? It's such a neither here nor there excuse, and yet he's also not cutting ties yet. I feel entirely in limbo.

All reason and sense says to just end things. Just let him go myself. It used to be so fun. I was so giddy and happy when he was being so sweet and attentive. It isn't fun right now. I'm not giddy. In fact, I'm feeling rather despairish. Enough to create my own adjectives.

So I know what the logical thing to do is. I know he's not as into me as he once was. I know every bit of advice you could throw at me, and in fact I would probably give it to me myself.

But what can I say? I'm not ready to give him up yet. I'm just not ready yet. And so I'm in a sad, limbo-y, despairish mood right now, wishing so hard that things could go back to the way they were a couple weeks ago.

--Cute Jewess



At this point, it looks like he's just never going to contact me again. Going to act as if I don't exist. It's a horrible feeling on my end.




I think things will be over soon with OS, but I don't feel like writing much about it right now.

He used to text me just to say "I can't stop thinking about you." This weekend he didn't text me at all. Seems he managed to stop thinking about me.

Will we still have that dinner he promised me this week? Who knows.

I'm in a sucky mood about it, but that's not to be avoided right now, so let's hope it doesn't last long.

--Cute Jewess



My questions right now are:
1) Will OS text me this weekend?
2) Will we actually follow through on the tentative plans we talked about for next week?

I'm going to work hard on not texting him this weekend. I hope I stick to my guns! It'll be a busy weekend for both, with Passover here. I've got family in town, so I'll hope to be distracted.

I'll be so pleased if he just reaches out to get in touch.

Alright, folks. Good Pesach, good weekends, good weather, good eats, and we'll talk again soon.

--Cute Jewess



Ugh. So today's stop on the OS Emotional Roller Coaster has me back at a low point. I just get the feeling he's not that into me anymore, and that sucks. He used to text me how much he looked forward to seeing me next, that he missed me, anything cute and flattering and sweet. I feel like those texts are over and done with. But they were what was making me feel so giddy in the first place.

It was such a nice feeling: Look at this hot guy sending me these sweet messages! He likes me! And I like him! How cool is that?

We're both busy until next week, but we talked about trying to squeeze each other in tomorrow for a little bit. In the "old days" (of like a week ago), I feel like he would have worked to fit me in. Now, I'm not so sure. It will depend on both our work schedules, I know, but something tells me it's just not going to happen.

As to Hotness? I'm surprised, I admit, that he's not calling to end things--that he's just doing the "never going to call again" thing. He had been so focused on being gentlemanly--insisting on picking me up for dates rather than meeting me there, not letting me even buy him a drink when I offered. I'm wondering whether I should call him to find out where he went. My gut tells me he met someone else. Also, I'm trying to remember that there were things about him that really turned me off physically, despite the fact that he's a good-looking guy. So on the one hand, I miss him a little. But on the other hand, I know I probably would have ended things with him anyway. So do I call? Or do I let him slip away altogether?

Ugh. I have a feeling OS is going to lead to some tears, folks.

--Cute Jewess



Ok, I think OS and I are vaguely on the same page. He was pretty stressed out with work stuff last night, and not as affectionate as he was when we first started dating, but he seemed interested enough. He held my hand when we walked down the street. We continued to talk about future plans. We had pretty damn awesome sex. I stayed over his place, and his sweet little dog spent half the night sleeping next to me, snuggling, licking my hand, arm, cheek.

Here's the thing. I think right now both of us are mostly into the physical attraction. He is so hot. Just so friggin' hot. Crazy, I can't believe this guy is with me, hot. HOT. And great in the sack. But we both know--and we're both concerned--that we have very little in common. We enjoy doing some mutual activities, but mostly we're into different things.

And yes, there's the partying. He stays out late at night up to 4-5 days a week. I honestly can't do that, nor do I really want to. But so far he's not asking me to, so we'll see how that goes too. With Passover this coming weekend, I doubt we'll be seeing each other on the partiest of nights anytime in the immediate future. He did, though, offer to take me to this amazing restaurant next week for dinner, which sounds fun.

Know what else!? He's seen me in all my favorite jeans, so I was looking through my jeans drawer for this older pair that I remember being a little too baggy on me, but it was worth a try. I snagged the jeans, shrugged them on, and they fit like a friggin' glove. My legs looked thinner than usual, the jeans were tight but without the muffin top, they looked amazing. Hmmm, I thought to myself. Maybe I'd just washed them and they shrank? But then I realized--this was an entirely different pair of jeans. These were my skinny jeans. My size 3 jeans. I hadn't put them on in over a year.

When I joyfully remarked to OS that I fit into my skinny jeans, he said "That's because you're tiny," and he grabbed my ass.


For now, I'm feeling less panicky, less distraught. And that's all I needed. I won't be thinking "Why isn't he texting!?" or trying to stop myself from texting or emailing him. I'll just be able to go about my day, hearing from him or not, glowing a bit from a night of the best sex I've had in years.


--Cute Jewess




Things with OS at least via text and email have seemed closer to "normal" since last night. I'm seeing him tonight. Oh, I hope things go well!

At the very least, I think I'll have some good sex. I can't shake a stick at that, really, but oy, what if he's not a sweetie anymore? Or what if he's not affectionate with me anymore? I'll just be so in-the-funk about it, I think.

But worrying about that now won't do me any good. So I'll just hope that things are like they were last week, before he got weird.

Interestingly, Hotness has just vanished. I think this is partly my fault. I'm not very good at hiding my feelings--or rather, pretending to feel more than I do--and it's possible he felt my indifference last time I saw him. Or perhaps he met someone else. It saves me the horrible feeling of breaking things off, which is good. Also, I feel like I can always still call him up and reconnect should the urge arise.

Oh, Original Sporty! Cute as anything, makes my stomach plunge Original Sporty! Please be Dr. Sweetness and not Mr. Douche!

--Cute Jewess