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Dave Barry's Blog





Published: 2017-05-26T14:15:17-04:00

 



FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

2017-05-26T14:15:17-04:00

"I request pre-trial release with accommodations of food and shelter at the most luxurious hotel at all while I prove my case of sexual trafficking against." (Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)



NOT SCREWED UP AT ALL!

2017-05-26T14:11:39-04:00

Models from the world's first agency for 'modified humans' have spent $3 MILLION between them on surgery to look like characters such as a Ken doll, Britney Spears and an ALIEN (Thanks to Patty Villanova and Allen at Division)



WE AGREE, IF YOU MEAN 'SURPRISING' IN THE SENSE OF 'STUPID'

2017-05-26T14:07:28-04:00

4 Surprising Ways to Use Beer This Summer (Besides Drinking It) (Thanks to MOTW)



OUR ADVICE IS, DON'T ASK OREGON TO HELP

2017-05-26T14:04:39-04:00

A rotting, putrid whale remains lodged on a Newfoundland beach, as a picturesque seaside town tries to come up with a plan to get rid of it. (Thanks to The Perts)



YOU KNOW WHO TAUGHT THEM TO DO THIS

2017-05-26T14:01:30-04:00

Monkey mafia steal your stuff, then sell it back for a cracker (Thanks to Patty Villanova, Le Petomane, Allen at Division and funny man)



'BOT DYLAN'

2017-05-26T13:57:53-04:00

Computer composes new tunes after being trained on 23,000 Irish folk songs It won't really work until they train it to drink Guinness. (Thanks to Jim Kenaston)



AHOY

2017-05-26T13:54:40-04:00

HBO series The Leftovers features mass orgy scene involving 200 naked actors who spent a week filming romps on a ferry (Thanks to funny man)



APPARENTLY THE DRIVER DIDN'T SEE THE RED LIGHT

2017-05-26T13:47:09-04:00

Tractor-trailer crashes into famed ‘Bunny Ranch’ Nevada brothel (Thanks to funny man and Richard Steurer)



UPDATE ON THE WORSENING SITUATION IN CANADA

2017-05-26T13:44:33-04:00

It's getting worse. (Thanks to Ralph)



SHE WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID ETC.

2017-05-26T10:29:40-04:00

A loggerhead turtle became disoriented early Wednesday morning and crossed a busy four-lane Key West road four times after laying her eggs on a path across the street from Smathers Beach, police said.



VERKING OF THE BEATS

2017-05-26T07:49:05-04:00

Here’s What Happened When Computers Tried Naming Metal Bands (Thanks to L. Raymond)



WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE CLASH

2017-05-26T07:44:38-04:00

Machete-Wielding Clown Tries To Hitchhike Along Busy California Highway Autoplay. (Thanks to Jon Harris)



CANADA: THE TERROR CONTINUES

2017-05-26T07:40:42-04:00

200 frozen turkey pies stolen from Ont. church (Thanks to The Perts)



NO DOUBT ON HIS WAY TO FLORIDA

2017-05-26T07:36:15-04:00

Astonished travelers on a Brazil road captured video of a man driving a car that's so badly damaged his head doesn't fit under the collapsed roof. (Thanks to Bob Brogan)



THE WACKEN OPEN AIR

2017-05-26T07:34:32-04:00

German music festival constructs 4-mile beer pipeline (Thanks to Bob Brogan)



OOPS

2017-05-26T07:32:10-04:00

City contractors accidentally knocked down a Riverside rowhouse Sunday as they attempted an emergency demolition on a property with a shared wall. (Thanks to John Lobert)



AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

2017-05-26T07:25:13-04:00

Naked Florida man steals $25K swan sculpture (Thanks to John Mayson)



NAME THAT STATE!

2017-05-25T16:30:55-04:00

A 53-year-old man called 911 repeatedly asking for an officer to harass him so he could sue the Sebastian Police Department for money. (Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says "Hard to believe this cunning plan didn't work. Or did it?")



SO FAR IT'S NOT TALKING

2017-05-25T16:27:45-04:00

Pigeon busted smuggling drugs in tiny backpack (Thanks to Fabian Marson and Jay Brandes)



WE DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT, BUT THEY WERE AN EXCELLENT OPENING ACT FOR WHITESNAKE

2017-05-25T16:21:07-04:00

Does parasitic worm spit contain the key to healing? (Thanks to coscolo)