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Preview: The Register - Odds and Sods: Verity Stob

The Register - Bootnotes: Verity Stob

Biting the hand that feeds IT

Copyright: Copyright 2017, Situation Publishing

2001: A Stob Odyssey

Tue, 28 Nov 2017 10:57:13 GMT

Open the chuffing pod bay doors yourself, Dave

Stob has obtained access to the unpublished journals of a young British programmer who found herself assigned to the elite team that built the HAL 9000 computer during the 1990s.

Programming in the Middle Ages: Docker makes a lovely pair of trousers

Tue, 19 Sep 2017 09:14:11 GMT

Lest we forget

Stob These days we hear a lot about luring the young away from happy, fulfilling careers and into the world of programming. The kids have been freed from the tedious yoke of the boring and 'Microsoft-heavy' ITC syllabuses courtesy of popular hero Michael Gove.…

Miss Misery on hacking Mr Robot and the Missing Sense of Fun

Tue, 28 Mar 2017 09:00:11 GMT

He's both the sharpest tool AND two spanners short

Stob Are you lolling dolefully? Then I'll continue. The TV show Mr. Robot deals with the life and adventures of Elliot Alderson, a twenty-something New York devop and cyber-vigilante. He and his circle of chums, seeking to inflict revenge on a mega-corporation for a hushed-up industrial accident, stumble towards bringing e-civilisation to a sticky end.…

Seven pet h8s: Verity is sorely vexed

Fri, 20 Jan 2017 10:03:09 GMT

Where's pocket Bjarne Stroustrup when you need him?

Stob Peter Wayner, a tech columnist, claims to have identified the seven most vexing problems in programming. According to his subheadings, these are: multithreading, closures, "too big data", np-completeness, security, encryption and identity management.…

Brexit at the next junction: Verity's guide to key post-vote skills

Mon, 26 Sep 2016 08:59:09 GMT

Breaking up is hard to do

STOB Pay attention, campers. I have conducted an impartial analysis of the post-Brexit landscape and identified a list of concrete, must-have programming skills for your edification.…

Washed out summer? Fear ye not: DVDs for DevOps droogs

Tue, 26 Jul 2016 08:27:10 GMT

Virtual box sets for REAL IT pros

Stob Hurrah! Summer is at last well under way, so how better to pass the weekends than pulling the curtains on the rainscape, lolling on the sofa and inhaling a few dozen hours of downloaded TV? I am aware that such an introduction sets up certain expectations.…

The Sons of Kahn and the Witch of Wookey

Fri, 20 May 2016 08:40:09 GMT

Verily, they did make support for the Internet of Things

Stob Editor's Note: Verity Stob's Chronicles of Delphi [King James ed.] began in 1996. The most recent translations can be found here: The Sons of Kahn and the assembly language of the internet, here: The Sons of Kahn and the Pascal spring and here: Sons of Kahn: The Apocrypha.…

Alice, Bob and Verity, too. Yeah, everybody's got a story, pal

Mon, 07 Mar 2016 13:04:05 GMT

Bus bore claims saucy crypto bragging rights

Stob Once there were a million A&B stories on the Naked Web. Now there are a million-and-one.…

Learn you Func Prog on five minute quick!

Wed, 13 Jan 2016 12:34:06 GMT

I remember the Monoids; they came before the Cybermen

Stob Functional Programming is the great paradigm shift that is sweeping through software development.…

A Bombe Called Christopher, or A Very Poor Imitation

Mon, 26 Jan 2015 13:08:12 GMT

Verity publishes the real script of Turing biopic The Imitation Game

Stob Some weeks ago, on the back of superlative-laced recommendatory posts like this one, I took myself off to the Fosse des Puces high art cinema to see The Imitation Game, the new biopic about Alan "Weird Al" Turing starring Benedict Cumberbatch.…

V. R. R. Stob's magnificent saga A Game Of Dog-and-Bones

Thu, 18 Dec 2014 09:00:12 GMT

GUARANTEED no elves and hardly any violence. Or incest

Stob Laud Satya Nadella stood at the leaded casement of his garret, contemplating the ominous, brooding sky to the south. The flag over the Maeiouster's Hub Complex barely stirred in the still air, so that he could not only see the sigil of his once-proud house - gules and vert oblongs accroupis sur a respectant brace, azure dexter and jaune sinister, of quatrocons, conjoined to the Mark of Registered Trade - but also make out the motto VENIT FENESTRAE (which, as everybody knows, is Old Visbasian for "Windows is coming") proudly emblazoned in the finest, most delicate Comic Sans that the T-shirt weavers of Old Redmond could fashion.…

Today's bugs have BRANDS? Be still my bleeding heart [logo]

Thu, 01 May 2014 07:02:04 GMT

Code-slinger Verity reviews the rash of groovy-named open-source security vulns

Stob In view of the ongoing security-holed far-too-open source situation, I have decided to convene an emergency meeting of ERCOCC, the El Reg Committee Of Competent Coders, to review what has occurred and how we should go forward.…

Eight EXCELLENT languages for the fondleslab-friendly Intranet of Thingies

Mon, 20 Jan 2014 10:01:09 GMT

Shifting software paradigms and so forth

Stob What are you up, Verity? Ensconced in one of your comfortable, miles-from-any-critical-path projects?

Three Men in a Tardis

Tue, 12 Nov 2013 13:23:31 GMT

Verity has discovered a pre-Doctor Doctor Who episode

Stob Significant anniversaries bunch together like buses. Three are assaulting me simultaneously, give or take a month or two.…

Down with Unicode! Why 16 bits per character is a right pain in the ASCII

Fri, 04 Oct 2013 09:03:52 GMT

We were sold a lie. It's time to go back to 8-bit

Stob I recently experienced a Damascene conversion and, like many such converts, I am now set on a course of indiscriminate and aggressive proselytising.…

Verity's summer songs for programmers: Sing your pals to sleep()

Mon, 22 Jul 2013 09:43:08 GMT

When Irish IDEs are smiling, and so on

Stob "What better way to dispel the rainy gloom of an English summer," mused Ms Stob, in an introduction presumably written some time in March, "than a mass office sing-along to a selection of IT-themed pastiches?"…

Bjarne Again: Hallelujah for C++

Mon, 17 Jun 2013 12:05:24 GMT

Plus: Now officially OK to admit you never used STL algorithms

Stob Now it has been scientifically demonstrated that we Delphi users are the happiest of all programmers, proper significance can at last be attached to the rare woes that occasionally break through our Stepford Coder personas.…

In space, no one can hear your laptop Blue Screen

Tue, 07 May 2013 06:03:08 GMT

Way above the Cloud, there's a bring-your-own-disaster brewing on the ISS

Stob Reg columnist Verity Stob says she's uncovered the following string of eye-opening electronic missives between the International Space Station's crew members. First, some context:…

Six things a text editor must do - or it's a one-way trip to the trash

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 09:02:51 GMT

Does your source code editor pass the Verity test?

Stob When I heard, in a tutorial video, the multi-platform programmer's editor Sublime described as "the cool kids' code editor" (or possibly "the Cool Kid's code editor" - the speaker didn't enunciate his capitals and apostrophes very clearly) I was puzzled. As the goto (or, rather, the call-by-reference) consultant on Agile Harlem Shake in the northwest corner of our floor, surely no such assertion could plausibly be made without first interviewing me?…

Who ate all the Pis?

Tue, 29 Jan 2013 11:44:08 GMT

Verity Xmas wish comes true

Stob 10/11/2012

8086 and All That. Revisited

Sat, 22 Dec 2012 11:01:28 GMT

Back when England was Top Nation in computing: reassembled from ancient parchments

Stob Editor's Note: Verity Stob's celebrated history of computing was first published in EXE magazine in 1997, but has been unobtainable on the internets for several years. Now, thanks to the painstaking reconstruction of small pieces of parchment, and a small monetary inducement, we can now bring it to you as a Seasonal Treat. With added Annotations.

The Sons of Kahn and the assembly language of the internet

Tue, 11 Dec 2012 10:00:10 GMT

C# hath become a lonely path. And the Beast hath shut its gates against us

Stob Editor's Note: Verity Stob's Chronicles of Delphi [King James ed.] began in 1996. The most recent translations can be found here: The Sons of Kahn and the Pascal spring and here: Sons of Kahn: The Apocrypha.

Google defames Reg columnist Verity Stob

Thu, 06 Dec 2012 15:31:08 GMT

Auto-trawled headshot too AWFUL to contemplate

Google’s latest improvement to its web search has produced a catastrophic consequence. The Chocolate Factory now adds biographical information to the search result for a person, drawing on the fantastically accurate well of truth that is Wikipedia, and also adding Google’s best guess of an identifying photograph.…

Stob on Quatermass: Was this British TV's finest sci-fi hour?

Thu, 08 Nov 2012 11:00:07 GMT

Let's shake the dead fly out of the DVD

Stob Special In the pub, with my editor. "Those sci-fi classics of the fifties," he mused. "Not the Hammer remakes - the originals. Are they really classics? How do they compare with modern Doctor Who? Are they even watchable?"…

Five go wild with the Administration Tools Pack

Tue, 23 Oct 2012 10:00:38 GMT

Nobody owns the Linuxes, Julian

Stob As you have surely heard, it’s Alan Turing’s centenary this year, and the Bletchley Park museum is celebrating by releasing a game of Monopoly themed on the life of that mathematical genius. I’ll pause for a sentence or two here, while you let your boggle levels equalise, because, given Turing’s life story, this is a quite a bizarre concept to digest. For example, what are the Chance cards going to be like?…

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love IPv6

Tue, 21 Aug 2012 10:01:28 GMT

You make my heart go Ping

Stob IPv4 addresses are a rapidly dwindling commodity [...] ICANN distributed the last big chunks of available IPv4 addresses to the five continental Regional Internet Registries earlier this year. The RIRs in turn are running out of supplies to allocate to ISPs and other network operators - El Reg

Welcome, friend, to Metroland

Mon, 09 Jul 2012 08:33:12 GMT

You Betjeman

Stob When I saw that my editor had written 'Metro isn't the problem: catapulting into Metro land (and back again) is', I said: 'There's an idea - I could do try out the Betj pastiche macro in my HTML editor'. And scurried out the door before anybody thought to stop me.

Stuck in a dull conference? You need Verity's survival guide

Mon, 14 May 2012 09:19:03 GMT

Getting your own back on technical seminar speakers

Stob The technical conference season is once more upon us. The speakers at these affairs spend a lot of time sharing their software design patterns and anti-patterns with us; as a regular attendee it seemed to me that we punters were overdue for revenge. Here is some of their own medicine.…

Hold on, Booker prize judges - Stob's penned a steampunk hit

Tue, 17 Apr 2012 07:33:08 GMT

Everyone has a novel in them. Sadly this includes Reg columnist Verity

Stob Somewhere on the hard drive of every programmer-wannabe-writer’s laptop there is the first chapter of an unfinished steam punk novel. Here’s mine.

Molesworth and the New Latin

Mon, 27 Feb 2012 13:19:08 GMT

'Why must we lurn about computa sciense sur? Why?'

Stob 'In his speech [...] the Education Secretary Michael Gove appeared to accept in its entirety the argument that ICT had become little more than training in office skills and something far more rigorous was required [...] While Alex Hope's slogan "coding is the new Latin" did not appeal to some, it must have appealed to the classicist in Michael Gove' - Rory Cellan-Jones, BBC website

The Sons of Khan and the Pascal Spring

Mon, 16 Jan 2012 13:02:08 GMT

How Embarcadero made Delphi as groovy as a Lumia phone. Um...

Stob [We last heard from the Sons of Khan in 2010. The scriptures continue - Ed.]…

Riders of the Bearded Sage

Mon, 21 Nov 2011 10:11:06 GMT

Is that a dead parrot in your pocket, or are you just trying to please me?

Stob Ever since Richard Stallman hit the news ...…

Doctor Who and the Unsatisfactory Five Hole Tape Punch

Mon, 07 Nov 2011 10:30:10 GMT

Stob Early world-dominating computers of the series

Verity's secret shame revealed

Mon, 19 Sep 2011 09:41:18 GMT

Password techniques and retrospective Daleks

Stob I defrosted my ideas box, and found several morsels which wouldn't make a whole meal in themselves, but nonetheless needed eating.…

Here lies /^v.+b$/i

Mon, 22 Aug 2011 12:20:03 GMT

Stob Which programming language to use on one's headstone?

Educating Verity the OU way

Mon, 18 Jul 2011 10:00:02 GMT

'The skin of my C++ custard remained unruffled'

Stob I think I mentioned that I was doing an Open University PGDip course in software development. (For those not familiar with the institution, the Open University has rightly been described as a sort of mental gym. You join with great enthusiasm; then, after three months, having attended just twice, you can drop out and ask for the balance of your subscription back.)…

Verity Stob and the super subjunction

Wed, 01 Jun 2011 10:28:52 GMT

Excuse me, Miss, but your pronouns need upgrading

Stob Just downloaded the beta version of English V3.31, and I have to say I am very excited about it. This is definitely going to be a feather in the cap of Anglophones everywhere, and way better than the notorious V2.99 release of French (or the 'deux point neufty-neuf' as it has become known). There's a ton of new features to talk about, so let me dive in right away with some toothsome details.…

No stranger to the moleskin trouser

Mon, 11 Apr 2011 10:42:18 GMT

Not around the water cooler

Stob A website called MySpace is 'in a death spiral' according to Mr Robert Scoble, who attributes this unhappy state to its being implemented using Microsoft .NET technology, and because it is headquartered in Los Angeles, where apparently there aren't enough good programmers.

In defence of Comic Sans

Mon, 31 Jan 2011 11:12:35 GMT

Stob Comic Sans Relief? I already gave

The Girl with the NSObject Class Reference tattoo

Mon, 10 Jan 2011 11:30:02 GMT

Verity tackles Swedish noir

Stob What better occupation, at this time of year, than to polish up one's IT skills with some background reading? What have the great programming publishers got lined up for our delectation in 2011?…

I was timeboxed in a holistic scrum

Mon, 29 Nov 2010 11:30:02 GMT

More lithe than agile

Stob Do you suffer from unsatisfactory projectile climaxes? Is your software construction methodology previous generation? Do you require the predictable outcome of pre-planning with the flexibility of iteration and the lightness of touch of partially de-hierarchicalised management approaches?…

Verity Stob faces execution, Wikipedia-style

Tue, 05 Oct 2010 14:17:34 GMT

Citation needed

A 22-year career chronicling the world of computing programming counts for nothing, it seems. Columnist and author Verity Stob may be nominated for deletion from Wikipedia for not being "notable" enough.…

Diary of an Overflow Addict

Tue, 05 Oct 2010 11:11:55 GMT

Upvote, accept

Stob Thursday
Medals 0 Rep 0

Sons of Kahn: The Apocrypha

Mon, 23 Aug 2010 10:07:51 GMT

Delphi in a Discotheque

Stob The Sons of Kahn move on

Lord Peter views the logfile

Mon, 26 Jul 2010 09:02:02 GMT

Top hole, Bunter

Stob "What is design? Dorothy Sayers (English writer and dramatist - quoted by Brooks) suggests that design has three phases" - InfoQ reviewing Fred 'Mythical Man' Brook's latest tome.

A Rumba with a Roomba

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 08:32:59 GMT

Verity puts her feet up

Stob Don't tell me. I've heard it already. You've got the iPadFever. Or Obsession for iPhone 4. Or iMac Mini Madness.…

I Married a Monster from ISO 9000

Mon, 24 May 2010 09:02:02 GMT

We're getting harried in the morning

Stob We had our quality audit the other week. Its cadences seemed curiously familiar.…

First among SQLs

Tue, 20 Apr 2010 11:03:40 GMT

COBOL for lawyers

Stob Legend has it that Edgar 'Ted' Codd got the idea for SQL while attending a 'Sky at Night' spin-off lecture. Patrick Moore, pointing at the blackboard, said: 'Select a star from the table'. 'That's it!', cried Codd, and ran out the door to follow up his inspiration forthwith, missing a good discussion of vulcanoids.…

Is it ta-ta for Flash?

Mon, 01 Mar 2010 11:58:12 GMT

Interview with a Flash Harriet

Stob I hear you're a bit of a Flash programmer. Why is Flash in the news so much, Verity?

Verity Stob's App Store

Mon, 18 Jan 2010 11:32:09 GMT

Immature Content

Stob You have had your Sweet iJesus NexPreDroidBerry smart-like-hell-when-you-get-the-statement-phone for a month or so now. Perhaps the novelty has worn off a device that's much more difficult to use than its primitive predecessor, and which eats its battery charge faster than a New Year's resolution breaker munching an economy-sized bar of fruit-and-nut.…