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The Daily Week



Your Source for the Totality of Human Knowledge



Last Build Date: Tue, 06 Sep 2016 10:23:32 +0000

 



Soccer Socker Shocker

Wed, 07 Jul 2010 13:16:39 +0000

In a statement that shocked sports fans around the world, FIFA president Sepp Blatter admitted yesterday that the goals in professional soccer are all faked, and that the game exists only to sell socks. “Soccer is now, and has always been, about socks,” said Blatter. “The goals, the running around on the grass, the fouls, […]



Canadiens use Voodoo to Defeat Capitals

Thu, 29 Apr 2010 11:41:22 +0000

The eighth place Montreal Canadiens defeated the regular season NHL champion Washington Capitals in game seven of their first round playoff matchup in one of the biggest upsets in NHL history yesterday. Most believe the team came up with a little something extra to win the series, but insiders believe that “something extra” was voodoo […]



My sordid life as a rock idol – Bingo’s Banana Splits shocker

Tue, 27 Apr 2010 00:05:32 +0000

It’s been over 40 years since the smash sixties rock group The Banana Splits rocked the charts and the airwaves with their infectious fire station menagerie sound. But now, drummer Bingo has rocked the music establishment with his revelations about the band’s shocking, sordid, secret life. “From the outside, we had it all,” said Bingo, […]



“Modest Dalek peacekeeping force” to augment troops in Afghanistan

Fri, 23 Apr 2010 20:02:00 +0000

KABUL – NATO Secretary General Anders Fogh Resmussen announced today that the alliance would phase in Dalek forces in its operations in Afghanistan. Said Resmussen, “We fully intend to withdraw foreign troops from Afghanistan. But Daleks are not foreign. They are alien. And there is a big difference.” The mutant alien life forms, encased in […]



Airliner stuck aloft in volcanic cloud

Thu, 22 Apr 2010 19:53:14 +0000

Rescuers continued efforts to free the airliner which became lodged in the cloud of ash on Wednesday evening. The plane struck the ashbar while cruising at 40,000 feet, minutes after Captain Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger caught sight of the cloud, believed to be fallout from the recent Icelandic volcano eruption. Sulllenberger quickly slipped the plane into […]



Early humans bred with many types of animals says donut store regular

Wed, 21 Apr 2010 17:41:04 +0000

Fact: Humans bred with animals. I know what you're thinking. No way. But, yes, because - think about it - there must have been a first human, right? So, before that they were all animals, right? So - who did that human breed with? Animals! Stands to reason.



Young insurance executives beat Minesweeper

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 19:44:15 +0000

In a moment that resembled a scene out of The Hurt Locker, three insurance executives at have cracked Microsoft's Minesweeper game.



“I’m a hero,” says Sully after more water landings

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 18:45:02 +0000

Captain Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger and First Officer Jeffrey Skiles reunited in the cockpit to take charge of a flight from North Carolina to New York City. He then astonished and thrilled passengers by landing his plane in the Hudson for a second time. “Just as we were approaching the airport, a goose flew into each […]



New rudest word discovered

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 18:43:15 +0000

A team of vulgarity scientists at the University of Dublin has confirmed the existence a new word which is believed to be ruder than any yet known. It is nearly three times more obscene than the current rudest words, with a offensiveness index of an incredible 2.75. By comparison, “bum” rates a mere 0.12, while […]



World not realistic enough say reality show fans

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 18:42:05 +0000

Reviews from reality show fans suggest that the real world falls short of their expectations, and unless steps are taken quickly to improve the situation, they will give up on it. Cynthia Narwhal was inspired by the series The Apprentice to get a receptionist job at a real estate development company. But instead of intense […]