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Laugh At Life - Take Skincare Seriously

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Japanese 2 Day Diet: Dear Diary

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 00:01:00 +0000

Japanese 2 Day Diet: Dear Diary

Dear Diary: Okay, I’m having kind of a Bridget Jones’ episode. I know I’m fabulous but nobody else seems to. I’m taking control of my destiny – next weekend, for 2 days, I will do several of the items in the following list:

Japanese 2 Day Diet – AND/OR – 100 sit-ups
Japanese 2 Day Diet – AND/OR – jogging ten miles
Japanese 2 Day Diet – AND/OR – eating an entire bunch of broccoli
Japanese 2 Day Diet – AND/OR -- buying an entire wardrobe two sizes smaller
Japanese 2 Day Diet – AND/OR – hour and a half on the free weights
Japanese 2 Day Diet – AND/OR - drinking eight ounces of water every hour on the hour

I mean, who wants to forever be the funky, cool, gal-pal friend with whom you share confidences about the girls you want to go out with? Why is it guys feel some sort of shame/revulsion in the notion of liking a girl who isn’t a size 8? Why is it they’ve downgraded the size in that notion to a size 2, or even a size 0?

I’m thinking that a 2 Day Diet, in this case maybe this new Japanese 2 Day Diet, might be the jump start I need to shed my Bridget Jones physique and move to an Anne Hathaway one, hopefully finding better men than either of them seem to in real life.

Revitalizing Cream, Looking Great, and Time Expended

Sun, 26 Jul 2009 13:43:00 +0000

Revitalizing Cream, Looking Great, and Time Expended

In the wonderful, eternal back and forth between men and women, comes the issue of looking great vs. time expended to look great.

“I’ll be ready in two hours,” she says, “my revitalizing cream needs to really soak in…”

“Revitalizing cream!” he counters, “what the heck is revitalizing cream, and why, once defined, do you need – 1,7,9 – ten different jars of revitalizing cream in varying degrees of price range and intensity?”

“When we were dating,” she shoots back, “you said my skin was fresh as a milkmaid’s from a Thomas Hardy novel – how do you think it gets that way? Revitalizing cream, sir!”

“Okay, your skin does look great,” he concedes, “but how much revitalizing cream do you really need to get that way? You always look great.”

“Thank you,” she replies, “but keeping pretty skin requires constant care, attention and copious amounts of revitalizing cream – and it’s not just a matter of beauty – skin is important to health for women and men – you’d look younger and more prosperous with healthy looking skin – I bet it’d help you get that promotion.”

“O.K., sign me up,” he agrees, “I can still be a tough man with great skin and jars and jars of revitalizing cream.”

“Still two hours till I’m ready,” she says and shuts the door.

Men’s Aftershave and Memory

Fri, 10 Jul 2009 12:40:00 +0000

Mens Aftershave and Memory

Humans are funny creatures – our sense of smell is inextricably linked with memory.

Remember the scene in The Notebook? Where James Garner (Ryan Gosling could never have grown into JG; he is simply not cool enough) admits to chasing down a woman because she smelled like his wife? Hence, deciding upon a mens aftershave is a bigger decision than it might at first seem.

Lifetime repercussions of choosing a mens aftershave:

Every girl you date will think of you whenever she smells that particular mens aftershave;

Your wife will think of you when she smells the pillowcase and does your laundry and smells that particular mens aftershave;

Your children will have memories The Rest Of Their Lives when they smell that particular mens aftershave;

Being a Man and Mens Aftershave:

Man up; you’re responsible for being a good boyfriend/husband/father and making those memories good ones, but you’re also responsible for choosing your particular mens aftershave for quality and for how the scent reflects your personality.

Choosing a mens aftershave:

Remember, the men’s aftershave you select will have repercussions drifting downward through generations, so try out a large variety of mens aftershave lines before you decide on one. Here’s a great place to start:

Revitalizing Cream and Dumb Blondes

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 13:10:00 +0000

Revitalizing cream and Dumb Blondes

We have a lot of fun with the notion of dumb blondes – Jayne Mansfield is probably my favorite, with Judy Holiday a close second (though Amanda Seyfried, “It’s like I have ESPN or something” also comes to mind) – all very intelligent in real life.

But even your stereotypical, I-bleach-my-hair-into-straw-because-it’s-what-boys-like dumb blonde can learn new vocabulary if it’s important to them – here’s a really important term: revitalizing cream.

Revitalizing Cream: Important Vocabulary
Just living in modern times is rough on a girl’s skin – bad air, fast food – and dumb blondes tend to too much tanning as well. Enter revitalizing cream.

Revitalizing cream = “ameliorating” cream
Revitalizing cream = “give new vigor to” cream
Revitalizing cream = “restore strength to” cream
Revitalizing cream = “make more lively or active” cream
Revitalizing cream = “make younger” cream
Revitalizing cream = “make like new” cream

Hopefully, somewhere in that list we found a phrase familiar to the so-called dumb blonde, to get the point across. Skin is important to your health as well as to your beauty, and using revitalizing cream can make a huge improvement to quality of life.

Dumb blonde? A literary convention useful for comedic purposes; a pose useful for duping dumb boys. Extremely rare in the real world.

Skincare And Remembrance of Teen Angst

Tue, 23 Jun 2009 12:50:00 +0000

Skincare And Remembrance of Teen Angst

Another Family Anecdote: in an elevator with The Kid when she was about 12, friendly stranger comments, “Ah, the complexion of the young!” The Kid looks at us all like we’re insane.

Skincare Then, Skincare Now
Looking back on our teen years, now, we can see that all that oilyness and occasional pimply-ness was the essence of life, hormonal blooming, a lovely event, in fact. Skincare then was trying to stop the moisture; skincare now is trying to get it back.

Skincare Then, Skincare Now
In fact, right about now is the time when our skin really is at its best – pimples gone, mostly, and the dryness of middle- and old-age in the future. Though it’s a time to enjoy, it’s also a time to prepare.

To some degree, as we age, our skin will lose some elasticity and firmness, but we do have some control over how much and how soon; we have control over our own skincare regimen.

Skincare Now:
.Drink lots of water
.Eat well – high fiber
.Stop smoking!
.Use high-quality skincare products – daily!

It’s all a lovely event, in fact: crazy hormones in youth winding down to lovely adulthood and a handsome old age. Proper skincare really is a big part of the process.

Skincare Routines of the Summer TV Season:

Sat, 06 Jun 2009 02:02:00 +0000

Skincare Routines of the Summer TV Season:

Really looking forward to the summer crop of television series (I have no life), and the high heat and humidity are already steaming up my brain waves into hallucinogenic vapors….

Monk’s Skincare: Monk returns next Friday, I believe, on USA. We know about his dental care routine – he flosses 10 times a day, but what’s his skincare routine? I’m going to guess Monk Skincare involves high-quality Egyptian cotton washcloths AND loofahs AND very fast quantities of antibacterial soap. Probably a magnifying glass to inspect loofah for structural integrity. Probably a timer.

Brenda Lee’s Skincare: The Closer starts next Monday! Brenda Lee is overly meticulous about some things and overly lax about others; I’m going to guess she is on the verge of switching over on the skincare issue – from too-ego to too-id. She’s getting a bit older, and health in general will become a priority. So I think Brenda Lee Skincare was washing with soap at night (when she remembered) and is buying very expensive, high quality products found on the Internet and driving Fritz crazy with sticky masques.

Sam Axe Skincare: Burn Notice started this week! Sam, AKA Bruce Campbell, The Greatest Actor of All Time, isn’t the star, but he’s the best, obviously. His skincare shtick is feigning a deprecating attitude toward the skincare products of his manymanymany women friends, while surreptitiously making mental notes of what he wants to purchase later. Living in Miami, skin cancer and skincare have to be a priority.

...Mmmm Miami -- mojitos...... Bruce Campbell.....

Summer Skincare - A Family Anecdote

Mon, 01 Jun 2009 19:27:00 +0000

Summer Skincare – A Family Anecdote:

The Husband grew up with a battalion of cousins – big guys, all – but when they’d visit grandma at the farm, she’d outfit each of them with a lovely large bonnet, the down-at-the-farm version of summer skincare.

No pictures of this are extant.

Skincare Thru History

But when you start thinking about skincare through the ages, it does make you wonder – pioneer women working the fields sans sunscreen – did they burn often? Never seem to in Willa Cather novels. In really old photographs, they're always kinda squinting, so we know they saw sun.

And just slightly more recently in skincare history, my own youth – never sunscreen, ever; in my generation skincare consisted of tanning it as deeply and as often as possible, and skincare products were aimed to accelerate the process. The process toward skin cancer, as we now know, but then we just thought we were modern.

We’d giggle at the women in old movies who hysterically guarded their faces from the sun, who prized lily-whiteness – maggoty whiteness, we thought. Their skincare was soap and water, and a little pale face powder, if they were really fast.

Well, as in much of human history, we’re finding the old ways were the best. Let's try skincare aimed at protecting our skin from the elements, and the bonnets will just be there to keep us from squinting.

It's Time to Get Serious About Skincare!

Tue, 26 May 2009 20:59:00 +0000

Hey, I like Vanessa H. as much as anybody, but don’t you think it’s time you thought about making skincare a grownup priority?

Skincare is as much a health issue as it is a beauty issue. My old college roommate trained as a doctor; in casual conversation, she’ll remark on a passing stranger – “Oh, poor thing; blahblahblah (technical diagnosis that I didn’t get and can’t remember) will eventually be her undoing….”

Doctors can tell about your health from just quickly glancing at your skin, so don’t tell me skincare isn’t important. And speaking of celebrities, don’t you just love Red Carpet events, where celebrities don’t get the benefit of special lighting and camera filters?

Full, direct sun on your face demonstrates how much effort you’ve put into skincare – and the red carpet shows, even to amateur watchers, that no matter how much stuff you slather on top, if you’re not watching the health of your skin (and your body), your skincare routine is sadly – and in the case of celebrity overindulgers – comically – inadequate. Sweetheart, I can see every cigarette and every shot of whiskey right there on their skin.

Vanessa is adorable, and she has the skin of a beautiful child – we’re not children anymore; we have got to start thinking seriously about our skincare – more to come, girls….