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Preview: Buckminster Skeeter: Wanna buy a watch?

Buckminster Skeeter: Wanna buy a watch?

Updated: 2014-10-01T00:28:31.630-07:00


Bama horns


So all this Nick Saban / Bama stuff has fascinated me. I'm no huge Saban fan but I likethe guy ok. I don't think we shoulda paid that kind of bucks for him but so be it - the majority of the money comes from boosters anyway. Not like their stealing for the university system or anything. More on Saban later.

What really gets my grey matter flappin' is the hiring of Major Applewhite - not to be confused with Major Winterberry, the well known porn star from Vestavia. I'm assuming he'll be the Quarterbacks Coach since Pendry will most likely take the offensive coordinator spot. At first I thought.."Major Applewhite!?! I remember that guy.... good arm... smart quarterback.... played for Texas... SEVEN YEARS AGO!!!" What? This guy is only 28. So I immediately start doubting(image) his credentials and prepare myself to start shaking my finger at Saban and saying "you fucked it up already". Then I take a good hard look at his record at Texas - actually all the passing records at Texas. I learned that of the 63 individual passing records for the Texas Longhorns Major Applewhite owns 33 of them. You simply cannot own stats like that and not be a total wizard with the football. They (whoever they is) say he helped develope a young Vince Young. You know that Heisman guy who's all the rage for winning the 2006 BCS and having a decent year in the NFL. Like Michael Vick - everyone's ready to jump on the Vince Young wagon. Oh yeah... he has a whopping 8 records at Texas.. and a few of them are for rushing.

Alright Major - Since you look cool giving the pitchforks (devil horns, metal horns.) I'll give you a chance.

Musical Revelations


Musical tastes change over time. Through the years there are certain bands or albums which I thought I liked - but it turns out I really don't and never truly did. On the contrary, there are those I always disliked but, as it turns out, I actually do like them and probably have for a while. Some I have always liked but wasn't really "in to" heavily but have grown to become a huge fan. It's funny how tastes change over time. Of course a band or album may have a special place because of when I heard it - back in my youth - maybe it brings up certain great memories - but in retrospect I might think the music really sucks. The list (only partial here) of bands I once thought I liked but no longer do is much longer than the other list - but this is only natural, I guess.

Thought, or pretended, that I liked but I really don't:

Hammerfall, Gamma Ray, Gardenian, Soilwork ,Crosby Stills and Nash, Steve Miller Band, Viking, Dimmu Borgir, The Who, VoiVod,The Misfits, Brutal Truth, Accept, Alice Cooper, Malevolent Creation, Danzig, Motorhead, The Ramones, Biohazard, Corrosion of Conformity, Carnal Forge, and others

Thought I did not like or didn't realize that I liked as much as I do:
Aerosmith, Nile, Queensryche, White Lion, Fates Warning, Yes, Rush, Badlands, etc...

Then there are those bands which have stood the test of time (in some cases) and could probably be labeled as my all time favorites. These are the bands/albums which I can throw into the CD player and never touch the skip button on most tracks. CD's that I don't get sick of and let collect dust on the rack. For arguments sake I feel I should have listened to a band for at least 5 years before putting them on this list - preserves authenticity.

Iron Maiden, Nevermore, Black Sabbath, Entombed, Mastodon, Slayer, In Flames (almost), Vio-lence, Death Angel, OZZY solo, Crumbsuckers, David Lee Roth era Van Halen, Testament (minus the Ritual - which, like an Iranian to Israel, I refuse to acknowledge), CCR, and Leo Kottke.

More Robert Palmer


I was starting to think that Robert Palmer wrote songs specifically to confuse me when I remembered that Get it On (Bang a Gong) was not only written and performed years earlier, by T. Rex, but that Palmer's version was while he was part of Power Station - the '80's not-so-super group with 2 double Durans and some guy from the band Chic plus Palmer himself. Anyways, that song Get It On gets me. I have gotten it on many times. I have banged a gong, I think, one time. It was in a music shop in Birmingham called Nuncies back in the 80's. Is banging gongs something I'm supposed to relish? Is it something which enhances joy or the exuberance of youth? There's never been a situation where I had even the remotest possibility to both get it on and bang a gong simultaneously. Was Palmer suggesting that I bang a gong whilst getting it on? I guess it would be sort of a dramatic finish. The rest of the song makes fair sense to me. A lot of wearing black, dirty and sweet, you're my girl stuff. Kinda basic. Then I get really thrown off with "Well, you're built like a car...You got a hubcap diamond star halo....You're built like a car, oh yeah". Huh? First off is being 'built like a car' sexy? And what the hell is a hubcap diamond star halo? I guess I need to get out more. The next line proclaims "Well, you're an untamed youth.....That's the truth, with your cloak full of eagles." Eagles get me hard... Especially cloakfulls.

Eagles, hubcaps, diamonds, cloaks, and gongs.

And I thought metal lyrics were stupid.

No True Scotsman


I've only recenlty become aware of the concept of 'no true Scotsman'. says this:

No true Scotsman is a term coined by Antony Flew in his 1975 book Thinking About Thinking. It refers to an argument which takes this form:

Argument: "No Scotsman puts sugar on his porridge."
Reply: "But my uncle Angus likes sugar with his porridge."
Rebuttal: "Ah yes, but no true Scotsman puts sugar on his porridge."

This form of argument is a fallacy
if the predicate ("putting sugar on porridge") is not actually contradictory for the accepted definition of the subject ("Scotsman"), or if the definition of the subject is silently adjusted after the fact to make the rebuttal work.

Thinking hard about this I realize I use it all the time. It's a great way to stick your opinion out there. For example: No true musician would write such a horrible song or No true man would wear pink. I absolutely love the idea of implying some sort of divine "truth" about a subject based on my own interpretation of it's characteristics. Some people have called it a paradox but is it really? Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't a paradox a statement which inherently contradicts itself. I see nothing here contradictory. The beauty (and what makes "no True Scotsman" unique) is that it is making a statement which cannot actually be proven right or wrong - in a way. Now if we used some sort of concretely defined subject and proposition then it ceases to be a "no true Scotsman" and becomes a statement which can, in fact, be right or wrong. Such as (Wikipedia example) 'no true vegetarian would eat a beef steak'. Based on the definition of 'vegetarian' this is a true statement. A real 'no true Scotsman' statement only works if it is a fallacy. You probably use them all the time. Here's one I say all the time: "No reasonable person would......" or "nobody in their right mind would....".

Based on my new found fondness for NTS statements I'm going to try to employ them as often as possible. Perhaps 'no true wife would deny sex in public'; 'no true Bama fan would consider Spurrier as a head coach' ( one I agree with); 'no true metal head would listen to Celtic Frost's Monotheist willfully'.

How can there not be a name for this line of reasoning or statement making? 'No True Scotsman' is a little long. I'll call it a 'nots'.

Simply Irresistable


I have never completely understood what Robert Palmer meant by "She's so fine, there's no tellin' where the money went".



For some reason I have had this dialogue stuck in my head all day. It's from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.

"Yeah.. our oldest boy's preparing for his career"

"ahhh college!?"

"no, the Carnival. Last year he was spreadin' pixie dust on the til-ti-whirl. Hopefully this year he'll be guessin' peoples' weight or barking for the yak lady. You ever seen her? Ugly as sin, but one hell of a good cook."

My word for the day



There's nothing like using an archaic, dead english word in everyday conversation.

10 Reasons Bucky is cooler than Dr. Metal


Since Dr. Metal (pictured right) is practicing his conspicuous-by-absence routine I've come up with the following to fish him out. He can either not comment, therefore letting me get away with a barrage of insults, or comment therefore letting me get him to respond when he is specifically trying not to. Either way I win. I feel good already. Especially if I get away with the insults..

10 Reasons Bucky is Cooler than Dr. Metal.

1) I don't live with a bunch of teenagers I am not related to.

2) I am not losing my hair.

3) I did not finish my PhD because I never started on it.

4) I would not have passed on the opportunity to have wild drunk sex with a wild drunk German chick who specifically stated that she likes to "drink and fuck!"

5) I do not like Gamma Ray, Amorphis, or Incubus.

6) I can fish.

7) I do not play squash.

8) I do not have the uncontrollable urge to look at my watch every 30 seconds when I wear a watch.

9) When I lose a wager I pay up (usually).

10) I wouldn't hang out with a person like Bucky.

Shit and Shinola


Yesterday someone had the unfortunate luck of saying to me that I did not know "shit from Shinola". My retort went something like this:

"Actually shit is a term derived from the old Norse 'skita'. It is commonly used to refer to feces which is a brownish by-product of digestion consisting of 75% bacteria and 25% water. Shinola, on the other hand had little to do with feces. It is a brand of U.S. shoe polish patented in the 1920's with a full line of high quality polishes, conditioners, and dressings. Shinola was also the sponsor of the highly popular radio show The Lincoln Highway."

Without this blog and the wealth of 'seemingly' useless information on the web I would not be armed with such gems. Thanks, Al Gore, for inventing the internet (sarcasm, of course).

The 11th Commandment


Thall shalt not apply Preparation H before you have wiped yourself.

Atta boy... Shula!


Perhaps Shula read my open letter - monumentally unlikely!! I watched the game against the football powerhouse that is Florida International this weekend and was surprised to see some of the things I wrote about come to fruition..firstly...Darby only had 10 carries. Now, of course, one could say the Shula was 'saving' his "star" running back for the next three games... But I think not. Other than 1 long gain and 1 or 2 medium yardage gains Darby did his usual hop, skip, and fall routine. The best run of the day came through a hole in the line the size of a Cadillac Escalade. I think Shula may be slowly.... creepingly... Shifting the running game away from Darby... I can dream at least.Castille did his normal battering ram runs - good for what it is.secondly...Jimmy Johns had 9 carries with only 22 yards to show.. It's true... It's true... But, Johns got the most of the running calls during the second half when the Tide enjoyed a comfy lead and all the freshmen and 3rd stringers were in there. He was somewhat of a sacrificial back at that point.. I still say He Da Man. Did you see him taking the snap during that series after Wilson was shaken up?... Let him throw the ball as well... Why the hell not? Can he be that bad of a passer? But please..... Shula, Please........ Don't run a quarterback keeper 3 times in a row with Johns. Fool them once, fool them twice, the third time their gonna get him for a loss... And they did.. No shit!thirdly...Redzone offense was better but third downs are still ATROCIOUS!!!!! Of the 3 offensive touchdowns 2 came from short yardage passes - 9 and 6 yards.... See there Shula old pal... You can get short yardage gains without the old run it up the middle routine.. Short yardage 3rd down plays - 2 for 6 (the two converted were passes). 3rd downs ,in general, were ugly - 3 for 13 - aaaagh. But at least you are spreading the ball out in the air with 8 different players having a reception.. Good job.fourthly...Wilson. Not a bad outing for the youngster, 8 of 13 - and one of the incompletes in the hands of would've been a 20 yard+ td but apparently McCoy can't catch a ball thrown directly into his hands.... Not the real McCoy on Saturday. Great job on not letting Wilson throw down field!!! He only threw 1 ball past 25 yards and it was, surprise, underthrown. Luckily we got an interference call on it and got some yards anyhow. How many defensive pass interference calls were there on FIU? At least 5 I think - that shows that our receivers were getting open and beating the coverage.. Good job.lastly...growing a pair of balls. Perhaps you have coach.. Perhaps you have. I sit here today honestly impressed at some of your calls. Sure, we were playing FIU and were never in danger of a come from behind routing.. But still... Good calls. Not only did you go for it on 4th down - but you did it 3 times. One the opponent 1 yard line - fuckin' A ,coach. 4th and 7, on the FIU 28 with 8 minutes to go in the 4th (up by 27 points) - you go for it on 4th - double fuckin' A, coach. Now that's some aggressive football - something Bowden would do - I like it... Keep it up. Just work on those 3rd down plays.All in all I think my letter to Mike helped out.Here's tips for this weeks match up:Be overly aggressive.. Sylvester is begging for his first SEC win and they just may be hungry enough to fight for it. You need to whip our guys into a bloodthirtsy frenzy - we need a huge scoring, brutal hitting game to carry our team into the following 2 games. Facing LSU and Auburn after routing 2 teams would be perfect. Facing them after narrowly winning against Crooms' 8-23 record is like fighting Holyfield after barely winning a fight against Rick Allen (yes, the one armed drummer for Def Leppard) - no offence, Rick.[...]

A Shitload of toilets


You ever wonder why we use so many different names for groups of animals? I do... All the time.. I'm wondering it right now when I should be doing something "work" related at my desk. Nevertheless.....

Here are a few:

Army of frogs, Ambush of tigers, Bale of turtles, Band of jays, Bevy of quails, Bouquet of pheasants, Business of ferrets, Cete of badgers, Charm of finches, Clowder of cats, Clutch of chickens, Colony of gulls, Convocation of eagles, Covey of partridges, Crash of rhinos, Earth of foxes, Exaltation of larks, Family of sardines, Flamboyance of flamingos, Flight of doves, Gaggle of geese, Hover of jellyfish, Herd of antelope, Kennel of dogs, Kindle of kittens, Knot of toads, Leap of leopards, Mob of kangaroos, Murder of crows, Ostentation of peacocks, Parliament of owls, Pack of wolves, Paddling of ducks, Pitying of turtle doves, Pod of whales, Pride of lions, Rag of colts, Richness of martens, School of fish, Shrewdness of apes, Siege of herons, Sounder of boars, Skein of geese, Skulk of foxes, Sloth of bears, Stable of horses, Swarm of bees, Trip of goats, Troop of monkeys, Unkindness of ravens.

Strange... huh!? I have read that these names derived from people's perception of the animals based on their physical characteristics, behavior or mythology/folklore. Using this same methodology I've come up with the following names:

Mullet of rednecks, Jockstrap of ball players, Mirage of magicians, Rudeness of yankees, Avocado of Californians, Thrash of metal heads, Stench of hippies, Buffet of fat guys, Warrant of felons, Spatula of chefs, Chap of cowboys, Squirt of gigolos, Lay of whores, Coven of politicians, Pole of firemen, Brown of arabs, Razor of skinheads, Cream of lesbians, Whine of Democrats, Greed of Republicans, etc....

An Open Letter (list, actually) to Mike Shula


Dear Coach Shula,

* Put Kenneth Darby on the bench. As a fellow Bama fan pointed out to me a few weeks ago (image) Darby is too hoppy. He's too upright as he approaches the line of scrimmage and he hops side to side trying to find a hole. It's no wonder he has so many carries for loss and small gains this year. I'm not sure what happened to him during the off season but the kid has definitely lost his mojo. Get him running north and south from the moment he touches the ball to the moment he hits the ground then maybe he can have a little more playing time. But for now... Bench him. Johns, Castille, and McClain are perfectly able to move the ball on the ground.

* Find ways to get Jimmy Johns the ball more often. This kid is a multi talented playmaker. He was a quarterback in high school... Remember?? How about putting a couple of HB options in the playbook.

* Bama's red zone scoring percentage is heinous to say the least. The same can be said about our third down conversion rate. Stop trying to run it up the middle for a 5 yard gain.... It's NOT working out for you this year. Not only because of point #1 above but also because you ALWAYS do it. It doesn't take a genius defensive coordinator to sniff out your 3rd and short plan. Try running more cross routes and quick outs with Hall, Oakley, Brown and Caddell. These guys are good receivers... Just call their number. Plus if you bench Darby the ground game will actually work and the linebackers will have to play the line to guard against the run opening a hole for a quick slant and an easy 5-7 yard gain.

* Stop calling down field passing plays for Wilson. I like the kid and I think he is going to be (image) exceptional in '07 and '08 but he's mediocre now. The majority of the balls he throws past 20 yards are underthrown leaving DJ Hall to do some aerial acrobatics to prevent an interception and hopefully come down with the ball. Not to mention the fact that he throws into double and triple coverage. Plus the offensive line ain't really in a position to give Wilson the time he needs to make a long pass. Also - he telegraphs every throw - he stares the receiver down from the line of scrimmage on. Even I know where he's going as soon as the ball is snapped.

* Grow a pair of balls. How dare you not go for a 4th and 1 inside the opponents 10 yard line. The Tide defense had proven that they could handle the Vols offense. I guess you figured Bama doesn't score in the red zone anyway... Might as well take 3 and move on. If we would have gotten the first and subsequently scored we could have won the game by 1 rather than lose by 3. You have GOT to learn to take some calculated chances. You are waaaaaayyyy too conservative.

I hope you take my advice to heart. LSU and Auburn will be less forgiving than Tennessee.



I have recently had the urge to write down (on paper of sorts) my daily witticisms, recollections, musings, introspective criticisms, and religious deliberations. But I have decided not to as I cannot decide between starting a diary, journal, memoir, annal(s), daybook, chronicle, log, record, notebook, register, minutes, or remembrance.

Football Moves and Golf Shots


Today I have issue with some sports terminology. Whilst watching Bama make a charitable contribution by handing the game to Arkansas last weekend one play stuck in my mind. It was when a receiver (could have been a back) ran 10 yards downfield, turned around, caught the ball with two feet down, and fell on his back at which time the ball came loose. Ever since I was a young'en the rule was always having 1 foot down while in possession of the football (image) constitutes a catch. Period. Last year they threw in this little extra tid bit - the player must have possession AND demonstrate a "football move". Why? What was wrong with the 1 foot deal? And what exactly is a football move? I recall Troy Palamalu (Steelers) last year during the Colts playoff game dive for an interception: he dove, caught the ball clean, tucked it in his gut, rolled on his back, put one foot down solidly on the grass, started to stand, and when he planted his left foot to fully rise his knee knocked the ball out of his hand and he fumbled it - recovered b y another Steeler. Yet the officials claim it was an incomplete pass because there was no "Football Move". What the FUCK? In my Bama game example the guy clearly caught the ball and only lost it when he made contact with the ground. What kind of football move do they need to see when your falling full speed onto your back? And what if he caught the ball clean then did a river dance, or 5 jumping jacks? Is that possession or not because it wasn't officially a "football move"? And to make matters worse If the play happens at the sideline then only 1 foot will do, but if it's in "the middle of the field" then they must make a "football move".

(image) This next one makes me cringe every time I hear it - "golf shot". I rarely watch golf on television but every now and then I'll catch a little bit of a hyped up tournament or the Masters or something. Then the inevitable happens...... Tiger woods takes a 5 iron from his bag, gauges his distance, takes a practice swing, then strikes the ball beautifully towards the flag. The announcer says "That's a great golf shot". Well, what other kind of shot could it be? Was it a basketball shot? Perhaps a 9 ball in the corner pocket shot? Why must we add words to an already self explanatory phrase? "That's a great shot" would suffice. But watch on television and you'll hear this after just about every golf shot. This is crossing over to most sports nowadays - you'll hear "that was a good football play" and "basketball shot" too. Absurdity!

Find the Point - Point the Find


What is the big deal about pointing at people? Why is it rude? If I need to identify a person to make a point during a conversation it seems perfectly reasonable to point at them. That's the most direct, efficient way to pick someone out of a crowd. Have you ever been insulted because someone had the audacity to point at you in public. I've never had someone sprint across a room to hit me like a line backer merely because I expanded a digit in their direction. Phalanges is a great word for the fingers. It's a pity we don't use it more often in our common speech. "Give them the phalange", "Got my phalange on the trigger", " How many phalanges am I holding up?". Another form of the word is phalanx which is a group of heavily armed infantry formed in ranks and files close and deep, with shields joined and long spears overlapping (According to I see the similarity, do you? Oftentimes I wonder if people see things the same way I do. I mean actually see. If I see an apple, not a pear apple, on a table does it look exactly the same to you? Surely you recognize it as an apple but maybe an apple looks to you what a pear looks like to me. I know, I know.... The visual spectrum of light that my eye receives from an object is the same as that which you receive - but my brain my process the information differently. Then again maybe yours does. Blue to me may be red to you although you'll say it's blue because in your mind red is blue even though it's only red to me - if I were to observe it with your brain using my brains definitions of colors. If you were in my brain you would see that country music does actually all sound the same and the heavy metal is today's most advanced form of music - technically speaking. How often does someone "technically speak"? I hear it all the time....... "Technically speaking it's fruit, not a vegetable." I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were fully accredited to speak on behalf of technology. You must have some sort of advanced degree or something. Or maybe you just saw a special on Discovery channel about tomato farming and know you'll walk around all day relaying those little tidbits of knowledge like you've always known them. Tell me all about how Atlantis possibly existed on the continent of Antarctica - even go so far as to describe the Reis map and how it correctly identified the coastline of Antarctica - which is currently under miles of ice. Wow, you must be a foremost expert on all things Atlantian... Or did you just read that article in Time magazine the other day. I'm a big fan of the 'exploding planet' theory nowadays. It basically says that there was a planet - very close to us, how close I am not sure - which contained a very advanced race of beings. These beings visited us as the various gods we have in our human folklore. Their planet is the most likely prospect for being Atlantis - even though it exploded instead of sank. Alan Alford has written profusely on the subject. I like it. Problem is there is ZERO astronomical evidence of such an exploded planet and the similarities of the gods throughout human civilization are not strong enough to denote a similar origin. Methinks, anyway. That leads us to the next logical conclusion - that the egg did indeed come before the chicken. Why you ask? Can you prove otherwise? I thought not, so let's move on. I find it hilarious that our world economy, military conflicts, political power, and religious strife is all centered on oil. It OIL for god's sake. It black gold.... Texas tea........ It's liquefied dead stuff.......... It smells, stains, ignites, and is an extreme health hazard. Let's get over this deification of oil and t[...]

To Do List


It has been a while since I last hazarded a guess. Today I shall attempt to do so.

I still can't hear you!


I've never been one to put much stock in fate. It seems unlikely to me that there is some prevailing grid of circumstances, events, and goings-on that each of us navigate throughout our lives. But, oh how we love to believe things are "meant to be". Things just are. Even if you want to credit God or any other deity with pre-ordaining all aspects of existence you'd have to admit that most things are explainable and can be systematically accounted for happening. But even with all my doubts about fate I have come to a situation I feel is so unique that it's a little spooky.

Several weeks ago I was surfing the web (I do not remember what I was specifically searching for) when I ran across the 'longest ear hair' tidbit. I found it amusing and decided to blog about it (August post). Before I stumbled upon this information I had never, to the best of my knowledge, contemplated the worlds longest ear hair and definitely did not seek out any information pertaining to it. At no time had I ever, knowingly, been exposed to pictures, commentary, or descriptions of such a record. So accidentally finding the information on the web and randomly blogging about it should be the farthest limit to the chances of my being exposed to it.

Then fate intercedes..................................

2 days ago I bought my son a kids meal at Wendys - chicken nuggets, for the record. As everyone knows, kids meals always include a prize or toy. His prize was a deck of cards, like trading cards or baseball cards, made by the Guinness Book of World Records. Each card has a picture, description, and fun facts about a Guinness World Record.

Since his little fingers have trouble getting the plastic off the package I opened it for him. I removed the plastic, flipped back the top flap, and thumbed up the first card to find the current Longest Ear Hair record holder, Radhakant Bajpai, starring back at me. I felt a little faint. I quickly sat down and gasped for breath. How is this possible. Out of the ten's of thousands of records logged in the Guinness World Records corporate system how is it that (image) Radhakant happens to be the firstt card, in a pack my son randomly received at one of 1,000's of Wendys locations, that stares me in the eyes. Surely, the divine has interceded in my life. There is something about long ear hair which must play an important role in my life. Perhaps this man, Mr. Bajpai, will personally influence me in some way for the greater good. Perhaps I will someday find a way to trump his amazing 5.2 inches of ear hair and claim the record for myself.

NOTE: For the record - my blog on 8/16, What? I can't hear you through my ear hair, was apparently based on incorrect information as Radhakant Bajpai is the current record holder.

Video overload


Long ago there was Broadcast Television which was basically 4 channels - NBC, CBS, ABC, and PBS. They were transmitted via those large towers that spread the signal 'over the air'. You needed a good set of rabbit ears to pick them up with decent clarity. Then along came cable. These companies sent a hard wire directly into your house, eliminating the need for antennas and allowing for more channels to be carried. With this new technology channels of every kind started blooming - MTV, CNN, WEATHER, ESPN, DISCOVERY, etc.... All of a sudden there was more information available, faster, to more people. The cable companies dominated the video media landscape - they owned the hard wires and if you wanted cable you had to buy it from them. Fast forward a few years and we see Satellite television. Remember those gigantic satellite dishes you'd see in yards or up on a roof. Those things looked like your house was the broadcast center for a major network. Man, those things were ugly. And to pick up different channels you actually had to program the satellite to point to a different location in the sky to pick up the signal from a different broadcast satellite. Years later these colossal eyesore would be replaced by the sleek digital satellites - Dish Network and the likes. These dishes only have to point to one location to receive a digital stream of information containing a whole list of channels. So our main video sources at this point are cable companies and satellite providers. But now things are changing at a break neck pace. Prepare yourself for a complete upheaval in everything you know about home video.Many things are happening. First - Telecom (that's telecommunications) providers like Verizon, Sprint, and BellSouth have petitioned, sued, and won the right to provide cable video via their own networks. Fair enough I guess, the cable companies stomped all over the telecom territories a few years ago when they started providing voice service. This means that you'll have 3 choices for video service - cable, satellite, telco. In theory the competition would make the service cheaper - but in reality the cable and satellite companies will just think of new ways to get a buck from you to make up for the bucks they lose to the telcos. Imagine being the local cable advertiser. One year you spend $20,000 to advertise with Cox cable which goes to 200,000 homes in the area. The next year maybe 75,000 of those homes now have Verizon "cable" and you have to spend $20,000 with Cox and $8,000 with Verizon to reach the same amount of people with the same number of commercials. It will get very frustrating for advertisers.Now enters the internet. IPTV as it is called (Internet Protocol Television) offers something that people really want: The abiblity to watch only the shows or channels they want to without paying for "packages". I, for one, hate paying $75 a month for 250 channels when my family, combined, only watches maybe 17 of them. Internet based television will allow you to download and watch a baseball game, sitcom, movie, or new cast either live or recorded whenever you want, wherever you want. Every day data transfer rates get faster. Look at iPod video. It's been a big deal in the news the last 6 months or so that the networks are selling episodes of prime time TV shows to Apple for iPod downloads. Millions of people have paid $1.00 per episode to be able to watch Lost or ER while they're on the subway or waiting in line at the bank. YouTube is a very popular video site where anybody can upload any video they want and [...]

Quipper Types


Quipper: One who quips on a fairly regular basis, for better or worse.

Insipid Quipper: One who quips regularly but is unimaginative or dull.

Witty Quipper: One who quips regularly with timely, relevant, and inspired witticism.

Quipless Wonder: One who never, ever contributes a quip.

Anti-Quipper: One who not only never quips but gets offended easily and argues factual legitimacy of a quippers quips.

Rebound Quipper: One who quips, but only after, and in response to, a more experienced quippers quip.

Missing Quipper: One whose quip would make sense were it to stand alone , but in the context of the situation has incorrect timing or relevance.

Erroneous Quipper: One whose quip makes little or no sense regardless of the timing, relevance, or context.

Left Field Quipper: One who very seldom quips, but comes through with one when unexpected, thereby surprising others.

Gutter Quipper: One who quips regularly but generally sticks to sexual or toilet humor.

Over the Head Quipper: One who quips, but with such depth and intellect as to not be understood by even the most well read quippers.

Auto-Chuckle Quipper: One who quips then immediately begins chuckling at his own quip, be it funny or not.

Dueling Quipper: One who directs a quip at a quipper with the sole intent of starting a quipping confrontation.

The Insipid Quipper


Everyone knows a guy like this. I have recently had the displeasure of having to be around an insipid quipper. The guy who always, alwayss has to say something that he finds amusing. Now don't get me wrong - I love good witicisms and appropriate quips - and if they are thought through and delivered well I'm happy to be on the receiving end. But this guy is the one who uses ALL the overused and abused one-liners you've ever heard: "See you later" - "Not if I see you first"; "Walk much?" (after tripping on something); "It's a small world but I wouldn't want to paint it". You know - that kind of unimaginative drivel. It's almost like he walks around just waiting to toss one out. Like they're all on the tip of his tongue just waiting to be used. Even worse, his version of sarcasm is juvenile. Good sarcasm is a beautiful thing. Good sarcasm requires intelligence to create and understand, proper delivery to avoid insult yet poignant enough to grab attention. His sarcasm is thoughtless minor insults. For example, the other day my wife and I were going to a really fancy, black tie dinner event. He and his wife came over to watch our kids. My wife answers the door in her evening gown and his wife immediately says "You look beautiful, I love your dress". He walks in behind her and just says "I don't" and walks on by. My wife, knowing this jerkoff fairly well, took zero offense at it and shrugged it off as his vain attempt at wit. Sad. I hate to see someone fail so miserably with sarcasm. It's like a professional baseball player watching a co-ed church softball team who really think they are the best players in the county. What drives people to be like this? I've been paying close attention to this for weeks now and I have yet to see anyone within earshot of him do so much as crack a smile at his remarks. He was trying his schtick on a waitress not to long ago. Not only did she not laugh but I think she probably put a loogie in his Diet Coke. And yet he struts around like he's the coolest cat in the room everywhere he goes. Why? Does he believe, truly believe, that everyone thinks highly of him? Does he not give a shit? That would at least be slightly honorable but I don't think it is the case.

Big Label Smarts


I would like to give my public accolades to Warner Brothers Records. Major record labels shunned the heavy metal world for years with few exceptions. But in the past year Warner has signed 3 of my favorite metal acts: Slayer, Mastodon, and Avenged Sevenfold. Atlantic Records has seen fit to pick up Shadows Fall.

in other news: Displeased Records, which recently reissued Whiplash's Insult to Injury, have placed more classics on their release schedule. This fall, the label will put out two discs by New York '80s thrashers Toxik (World Circus and Think This) as well as the sole offering from technical thrash band Disincarnate (which featured Death guitarist James Murphy), Dreams of the Carrion Kind. The company will follow in the first half of 2007 with three reissues by San Francisco death-thrashers Sadus — Illusions, Swallowed in Black and A Vision of Misery — and two by Canadian death-metal outfit Gorguts, Considered Dead and The Erosion of Sanity. ...

Find the Point - Lose Your Soul


I'm becoming increasingly skeptical about the concept of 'losing' ones soul. If there is such a thing as a soul is it possible to actually lose it? I may lose my watch or lose my wallet but that's because it is easy to misplace a physical object. I suppose I could 'sell' my soul - for what? I've never been given an offer for my soul. Perhaps it is not as valuable as I thought. I tried to pawn it the other day but I just got a dirty look from the toothless man at the pawn shop counter. Toothless people have a special place in my heart. I'm torn between laughing hysterically, feeling sorry for them because they were perhaps never taught decent hygiene, and champing at the bit (pun fully intended) to ask them how they eat a pork chop. Chops, as everyone knows, are smaller cuts from the loin primal cut. There are blade chops, rib chops, loin chops, sirloin chops, butterfly chops, and boneless chops. Do you know what kind of chops you're eating when you get a plate of pork chops? You better start asking. Do we eat beef chops? In Korea dog meat is common and I understand it tastes good. The troubling part is that dogs are beaten to death, over a long period of time, to make them more tender. This is fucking barbaric! Those slants who practice this should have their souls lost. Notice how I use the epithet 'slants' here. I find it perfectly reasonable to throw out a racist slur when describing the less desirable of any race. I may, for example, dine with a fellow business partner who just so happens to be an Indian. But the Dot-Headed Odor Monkey waiter just spilled soup on my pants. I would not, ahhhccmmmm, wish to degrade an entire culture just for the actions of a few but it just seems right to label some people using the best (and ironically, worst) possible epithet. I've been trying to define myself lately with a racist slur but can't decide between 'cracker' or 'redneck'. I really, really wish 'honky' would make a comeback. I love that term. I wonder if white people in the 70's where ever really offended when someone called them 'honky'? How can you be? It just sounds so funny. Like something out of the Wizard of Oz or Chutes and Ladders. Leo Singer was a manager/producer who had a traveling group of midgets doing Vaudeville shows throughout Europe. He contracted with MGM studios to provide the "little people" for the Wizard of Oz. He managed to pull together 124 midgets to appear in the film. That's a lot of midgets. Where do you find 124 midgets? Come to think of it I haven't seen a midget, in real life, in quite a long time. Or an albino. I have seen perhaps one real albino my whole life. Wikipedia's entry on albinism lists 25 "famous people" with albinism. I have heard of one of them - Edward the Confessor, King of England 1042-1066. The Norman Invasion happened in 1066 - if my history is correct. So England was lost by an albino king.? That's not the kind of track record you want as an albino. I've never seen an albino in a porno. I've seen some weird shit in pronos but never an albino.[...]

Things I did not know, until today.


1) Badgers are the largest indigenous carnivores in the UK.

2) All Polar Bears are left handed

3) Chuck Norris' professional karate record is 65-5

4) Gouda cheese originated in Gouda, Holland

5) It is impossible (for most people) to lick your elbow

6) IBM holds the most US patents

7) The longest one sylable word in the English language is "screeched."

8) Canada has more lakes that the rest of the world combined

9) It is impossible to fold any piece of paper in half more than 7 times