Preview: On My Own...
On My Own || Wait while you are redirected..
Thinking out and loud, going through my blue mazes of life.
I decided to close this blog, however will continue blogging in English and Arabic on my new space: http://lastoadri.com/blog
My RSS feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/lastoadri
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It takes two to Tango..
One of the reasons why I love music is that I can easily teleport myself somewhere else. These days Marcel Khalifeh is doing great job, he is helping me to escape...
I’m now in Paris, dancing in the streets on his "Tango", over a bridge may be alone... mm... No.
But that's a new story..
It’s autumn again
It’s sad. I’ve never felt as lonely as these days.
Myself has been always a good company, thanks for that my friend.. But I need someone else. Someone I can weep on his/her shoulder or hush me till I sleep..
I really need to sleep and then wake up in a green garden with small red flowers, white doves, and a wide blue sky..
Can you afford me a hug as wide as the sky, as warm as the sea and as comfortable as my favorite music?..
As simple as that
I think I've screwed things up..
Because I can no longer focus on what I'm working on..
Sometimes, like today, I open a word file in front of me and stare at the white page with a blank feeling that I want to translate into words, and of course I fail.
I’ve been asked if I’m stopping my blogging activity, and I am not. I am not stopping because my activity decided to stop on its own. Words do escape, seem so repetitive and boring; like increasing hollow black spaces on a white paper.
Yesterday was my first time to use a pen and paper for inspiration, and listen to radio in many years. Mmm.. Remember when we used to say, it’s been days, then months, now it’s years, such an easy way to put it. It’s been years. Hell yeah! It’s been years! And other years expected to come? I wonder how hollow these will be.
Yesterday I also discovered that I don’t have any rituals that cheer me up. Not a favorite place or favorite voice I’d like to listen to when I’m down. In fact, when I’m down I’d like to be left alone. I don’t want to talk or hear anybody’s voice, or see or know about anybody. Tell me, how many times do I have to say I hate pictures so pictures would leave me alone?.. how many time I need to say I hate life and living, so life would forget me finally?
Am I trapped?
Trapped in fear of going somewhere of no return or staying where I am where no way forward?
@Serag told me yesterday, we will always be trapped somewhere even in our own imaginations. True. But what if you don’t have imagination to be trapped to?
What should you do when you understand suddenly that the sky is just void, not a dream to go up to. When you finally realize you can’t really fly because of your weight and gravity and you can’t really dance because it is haram. Tell me, what should I do when I know I can’t really live a life I want because that’s the way it’s meant to be. Living miserable inside, no matter how I tried to cheer myself up, because I don’t have my own rituals, and I don’t have favorite place, song, or person. What should I do now, when I’m begging myself to feel better.. and left with a blank feeling in front of an empty paper?
Everything and everyone will soon disappear and go away, os why bother?
Why linger to a dying hope? And empty promises?
Sometimes like yesterday, when I stare at my empty page I wonder, what is the meaning of life?.. what’s the wisdom behind the fact that everything will end, die or disappear at the end?.. What is the trick that makes everything look not the way they really are?..
“There is no spoon” my friend.. though you might be the one who did create that one..
Sometimes, sometimes like yesterday I dream of escaping, to start somewhere new away from the blank page. And so I try to look for another blank page that might be inspiring this time.. but trapped to the fact.. it will be a similar, if not identical, one..
On online friends
I was curious today to check my old email on gtalk. To my surprise, I found people who no longer show on my new email are online.
I made sure to ask about these 2 people few days ago to check if they are alright.. sent one a Twitter msg and the other facebook msg.. both of them replied that theyare busy these days and do not log online anymore..
It happens.. it surely happens all the time with anyone of us..
But what doesn't happen, is to be online on one account, and offline on the other :)
Sometimes I prefer to act as stupid and show as if I didn't understand whats going on.. "Ah, it surely is a technical problem".. it surely is.. for I would prefer to believe that online friends are no better.. instead of just believing I am a boring person, who will die one day out of depression..
My quote of today
"To realize that everything is meaningless is tremendously liberating, since it then leaves us completely free to create our own lives and ignore the plans that others have for us."
How to be free -- Tom Hodgkinson
Its kind of very frustrating because I am a 24 year old girl who can not decide when she wants to travel and where.. and I'm afraid I can't really think of my chances to study abroad any more..
I have high hopes and dreams.. I want to live many experiences.. but really locked up with such damn eastern traditions ... I want to REVOLT!
An important note
I'm busy, that’s why I don't write... And I no longer like this place as before.
I no longer like the fact that people I know in real life reads here.
I'm not closing this blog, but I'll start as new and anonymous somewhere else..
It's one big mistake when you introduce people in your real life, to your private corner..
Never ever do this mistake.. Take my advice.
A brief history about how the hashtag #CairoSpeech made it up to Twitter's trending topic during Obama's speech in Cairo.A story how the whole thing started 2 days before ;) Lastoadri Lets us the hashtag #OinCai , to live blog and comment on Obama's speech in Cairo. What do you think Tweeters?! 02 Jun 2009 from web Kawdess @Lastoadri I think it's not clear enough. Maybe a simple #CairoSpeech? 02 Jun 2009 from web in reply to Lastoadri Lastoadri Lets use the hashtag #CairoSpeech for anything concerning Obama's speech in Cairo, next Thursday.. 02 Jun 2009 from web -- this quote was brought to you by quoteurl PS: I adore the butterfly effect ;)http://twitter.com/Lastoadri/status/2001379652http://twitter.com/Kawdess/status/2001398394http://twitter.com/Lastoadri/status/2001502123[...]
On my To-do list
- I haven't been productive enough this weekend. I haven't done many of the things I planned to..
- No problem, Don't make a long to-do list next time.
- We are usually too optimistic. So lets make it one thing at a time: changing the world at 10:00 am
New lessons added
Last two days I learned 3 lessons:
1. If you want something done, do it yourself.
2. Never cross post ideas..
3. To gain your manager's affliction.. Market yourself well!
Books I'm currently reading and need to finish in order:
1- What is survey
2- How to be free
3- Animal farm
4- History of women's movement in Egypt
5- Heret muslima
6- How to be a journalist
7- Arab media
Don't watch it, read it
So I've finally watched "PS I love you
" after strong recommendations by friends and promises to see the best movie ever after.. To cut it short, I was disappointed.
Few months ago I finished reading the novel. Exactly couple of weeks after the last book fair. I went there with one of my office colleagues and once she laid eyes on the cover - I found her screaming all the round place (aka Soor El Azbakya), because she finally found her most favorite novel. I followed her passion and borrowed the book.
It was good. At least it wasn't bad. It was not perfect. May be a little bit over good? two little bits over good? nay.. three or four...?
It was good enough to take me out of this world for few hours..
Today I watched the movie by chance, and I thanked God I'm still sticking to my rule.No to watching a movie before reading its book first (except for boring ones)..
The movie can't be even compared to the original script. There is something about books! The villa I drew in my mind is much better than the ugly flat she was living in. Her friends were much better.. she was more prettier... and well.. I can't really talk these days, but that concludes it all.. The movie is a fail compared to the book..
So, I decided to take few days off from work. I've been running in loops for quite a while now.
Work Work Work.. Activities Activities Activities.. then few mins left for sleeping.. That's my present life.
No complains.. at least I'm busy doing something, better than busy not doing something, or not busy at all.. LOL!
Still I have my dreams I'm chasing. And I'll never rest till I have my feet firmly to the ground..
Organizing and days off, here you are my to-do list:
1. Finish the list for my books.
Email O and W about the survey.
3. Finish writing the advertisement
4. Go to the dentist
5. Finish reading 3 books: Animal farm,
, History of women's movement in Egypt,
Write 2 articles on GVO for the preparations and the day
Formate the PC and install Linux
8. mm.. will get to it later
That’s enough for now.. oh.. and SLEEEEEP .. full stop.
Two days ago I was down, totally down. Today I am good. And apparently I am because of my last decision to take a day off. isA I'll join my friends in a trip for the first time in may be three years, since Luxor and Aswan..
I can't believe that roughly two years already passed since my graduation.Llike a dream?.. no, but even faster..
I am happy I'll join them. I am really really happy and enthusiastic, as if life started smiling..
la la laaaa.. Can't wait to see the sea.. can't wait to click my camera and practice photography .. can't wait to unplug life.. can't wait to smell fresh air.. can't wait to fill in my ipod.. can't wait to laugh.. can't just
wait.. and wish Saturday would never end :)
Mood singing in a Lala Land:
البحر دا مش مية أو موجة فوق صخرة
البحر دا أغنية بسمعها ميت مرة
من تانى بتوحشنى.. البحر بيخطفنى
My up's and down's
Though I have work today, I’ve slept yesterday at 4 am. I was tried, but I couldn’t sleep. My mind is occupied, my time is occupied.. my every inch is occupied. Tired.. exhausted.. running after something, and I’m not sure if I’ll reach it.. I’m not sure if its OK to run in that direction..
No guide, no light.. no previous experience to judge based upon
God!.. why is it so hard to think sometimes..
I want to let it all out and be free.. really free.. why can’t we feel freedom.. why do we have to be bound to earth and uncertainty.. Why oh why I don’t know!
I wish I am in the desert right at the moment. NO cars. NO buildings. NO smoke. NO noises.. nothing but earth and sky.. nothing but fresh air and stars..
I can see it all.. but I feel lost..
I know myself.. but I don’t comprehend..
I am smart.. but acting dump..
I am at rage.. but resorting to silence..
I am happy.. but want to cry
I want to fight.. but running away..
I am a million things I can’t understand.. and 10 million others I don’t know how to describe ..
I am up and down.. worried and sure.. cheerful and depressed..
I want freedom to me and myself..I want freedom more than anything else..
The amazing #Gmail fail
I never believed it. I never believed when people talked about Google taking over the world, or the near coming of Revolution 2.0. That was like mere Sci-Fi stories .. It was fiction people!
But today, I lived the great February outage
. Woooh! I lived when Gmail was Gfail and the whole world was buzzing
about it.. SMSing, IMing, blogging, Twittering
.. writing news about it
For a moment in time the whole world, the entire waking humans, were united to one topic..
For the first time in history, the world really feels like a small village..
These are few of my "tagged" things *
Tayb, Thanks Gjoe for the tag.. though its been long I haven't replied any tags.. bas its good to have one every once in a while.. especially to show a life "signal" to whoever following this blog ;)Favorite color: Baby blue, baby purple and baby pinkFavorite perfume (guys): e7m, I don't knowFavorite perfume (girls): two e7m-s and a half.. I don't know!Favorite pj brand: I'll know, once you tell me what PJ :SFavorite clothes brand in general: going local?.. Rojada :DFavorite person in the entire world: My fiance, brother, Bavalova and my mother (in no order)Favorite country: Egypt.. of course!Favorite car: Beatles :D and 128Favorite sport: walkingFavorite sport player: mm.. shall I say e7m too?Favorite spot in the World: A desert between high mountains and seaFavorite animal: HorsesFavorite movie: Esha3et hob and You've got mail :DFavorite singer: mm.. Alot bsara7a.. lets say Abdel Wahab, Thoma, Omaima, Marcel khalifa, Asmahaan, Mohamed Mounir, Ali El Haggar, Hanan Mady.. ABBA, Josh Groban, Michael Bubble, Air Supply, Charles Aznavour, Jose Feliciano.. ah.. enough!Favorite day in the week: TuesdayFavorite time of the day: At sunset and very late at nightFavorite holiday season: any agaza, as long as its agazaFavorite number: 3Favorite food: Beeb Beeb molo5ya! wara2 3enab?.. yum yummy.. fatta?Favorite chocolate: Dark chocolate or chocolate with fruitsFavorite cartoon: Anastasia and Finding Nemo (3ashan gjoe matz3alsh :D )Favorite blogger: yaaah keteeeeer... everybody on my Fl-Alb ;)Favorite Flavor Ice Cream: Mango or Mystic with PistachioFavorite Mobile Brand: Sony Ericsson all the wayFavorite name: lasto adri :PFavorite hobby: Reading, writing, following latest on social networking revolution.. as well listing to radio and nagging my brother..Favorite room in my house: I used to like odet el sofra fi betna el adeem.. mm.. I hate our current houseFavorite Fruit: Mango tb3anFavorite flower: Purple or rosy tulips..Favorite Quran Reciter: El MenshawyFavorite Ayah: Ayet el KorsyFavorite Website: :D ah! I can't live without My Reader, Gmail, Twitter.. my blogs.. and.. you can actually sum it up into 1 phrase "the entire web pages"I Tag: Zeinobia, Tarek, Deee, Juka, Nerro, Nisso, AD Sabry, layal, Nousha, Enadaha, Noon, Hagar and Cesario.-------------PS: The title is from the song: "These are few of my favorite things"[...]
God bless all the martyrs
Gaza City, Gaza Strip, Palestine
I am Sameh A. Habeeb. I'm a Palestinian born and raised in Gaza. I'm 23 years old. I have a bachelor degree in English Language and Literature. I have worked in several different fields’ pre and post of my university studies for almost 5 years. I have worked as volunteer in civil societies where I practiced tasks to help people and educate children. I worked as News Producer and a Journalist at the Ramattan News Agency which is Regional Media facility based in Gaza and the Middle East.
I’ve read the above words on Sameh’s blog
, while wondering.. He hasn’t blogged since 2 days.. where is he now? Is he alive? Or is it electricity outage that stopped him from accessing the internet? Or did Israeli’s manage to stop all forms of communication? Is he dead? Or flit somewhere to escape the bombs? Is it cold where he is? How can he bear the bombs all night? Can they sleep? Can they eat, drink or breathe?
He’s 23.. as old as I am.. with a bachelor degree.. as my studies degree.. he’s a news reporter.. as my dream..
I’m here typing my words of disbelief and pain, and he –God knows where.
I am sitting in my room eating a luxurious chocolate.. listening to music and pressing letters forming words.. my family sleeping in the other room.. the kitchen is 1 meter away.. and.. alone..
Sameh might not be the only one who disappeared under such conditions.. but above all I’m sure.. with all the prayers world wide.. He must not alone..
Enough is Enough
If Arabs are willing to win the case.. then KNOW YOUR ENEMY first!
Read Israeli's blogs and know their lies.. it isn't a hard equation after all..
For a disguised reason -I'm sure I don't know-, I decided all of a sudden to quit internet. I took the cable cut as an excuse and a start.
Well, life doesn't look darker without my Laptop buttons, and not that dull without chatting or empty without Greader. In fact, my inner chatting suddenly increased.
I have time to read and watch TV. And above all.. I have few extra TIME..
Amazingly, I don't feel bad! no not at all. I feel much better... as if finally sober from an addiction..