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Preview: The Snarky Gerbil

The Snarky Gerbil

Yes, I *am* analyzing you.

Updated: 2014-10-07T00:33:08.773-04:00


The return of Mrs. Davila


Mrs. Davila is one popular lady. I--or rather, she--got another call the other day:fundraiser woman: Hello, this is so-and-so from such-and-such charity. May I speak to Mrs. Davila, please?me: I'm sorry, there's no one here by that name.FW: Oh, my apologies, she must have had your number That's okay. Have a nice--FW: Wait, while I have you on the phone, are you the lady of the

2009 Report on My Balls


Okay, I admit: I totally neglected this blog for five months. I kept thinking how I really ought to post things, and then I never did, and I really have no excuse for leaving you, dear reader, high and dry for so long----except that in the meantime I've been running after a 1-year-old (who is newly walking!), getting dressed up three times a week like a therapist again and being paid nicely for

Other things Toni Braxton wishes could be reversed, but hasn't immortalized in song


- Unrip My Jeans- Unburn My Toast- Untrip My Fuse- Unsteal My PIN- Unspill My Drink- Unlose My Phone- Unbounce My Check- Unshave My Head- Uncrash My Car

Not a dirty word


Every time I hear or read about some Republican's beef with Obama's reference to "spread[ing] the wealth around," I wonder all over again what is wrong with this idea."What's wrong with a little socialism every now and then?" I ask myself."Oh, right," I answer myself. "I'm a socialist!" You are a Social Liberal (76% permissive)and an... Economic Liberal (8% permissive)You are best described

A matter of opinion


I present a pair of guide words from our phone book:I suppose it's all in the ear of the beholder.

Proctered and Gambled


I have fierce brand loyalty where toiletries are concerned. Though Mrs. Gerbil thinks I am unnecessarily finicky about such things, I simply will not settle for store-brand skin care, dental care, or feminine hygiene products. But for all my desire to cut costs wherever and whenever possible, I am a creature of habit, and a lot of times the store brand just isn't the same.A lot of my favorite

Mel Gibson is stalking me


...and he's not doing it very effectively.Cases in point:1) In 2002, M. Night Shyamalan's rather disappointing Mel-Gibson-vs.-aliens flick Signs was filmed in and around my charming old historical hometown. But I'd moved from my parents' house to Cleveland a little more than a year prior. Sorry you missed me, Mel.2) Last week, scenes from the new movie Edge of Darkness were filmed at the book

It's what's inside that counts


As part of my policy of getting out of the house at least once a day, Tovah and I make regular trips to Big Y. By "regular," I mean "at least six times a week." Sometimes we go more than once a day, but this is because we live across the street (translation: no wasting of gas) and Tovah goes in the stroller (translation: I can't fit that much in a basket).The parking lot is not very

Attention to detail not required


Rule #1 of classified advertising:Do not misspell the name of your company.

Guilty as charged


Yesterday I saw an interesting car. It wasn't a hybrid, bio-diesel, natural gas, or electric vehicle. In fact, it was a rather ordinary late-model wagon, festooned all over with various bumper stickers proclaiming its owner's position on various social issues. For a car parked in Northampton, Mass., this is not so unusual.What made this otherwise unremarkable car so interesting was that one of

Go with the flow


Asthma medications and nasal sprays, many types of which I've had the (mis)fortune of sampling over the years, seem to be named by the Chinese-menu method--one from column A, one from column B. With the limited variety of prefixes and suffixes, I tend to get confused when I'm asked to identify which medications I've tried over the past quarter of a century. Was it Rhinocort that made my nose

The Spam Files 6: Paris Hilton


According to my spam folder, Paris Hilton has been very busy. Not only has she been getting it on with SpongeBob, but she's entertained various other luminaries:from: First Gerendasnesubject: Corzine visits Paris Hiltonfrom: Corbin adfasfwesubject: Scooter Libby heads for Twin Towers' Paris Hilton Suitefrom: Garrison Lucajsubject: Epidemic Breaks Out in Prisons After Paris Hilton's Releasefrom:

The Spam Files 5: The simple life


from: wlock Skeiesubject: SpongeBob named in Paris Hilton paternity lawsuitAnd here James Dobson et al. had me convinced that SpongeBob is gay.

Poor aim


Periodically I have anxiety dreams about being in high school. In these dreams, I'm my current age, but for some reason I have to retake one of my high school classes (usually calculus) and attempt to blend in with kids at least a decade my junior. What makes these anxiety dreams is that invariably I've forgotten something important--such as an assignment, a test, or the location of the classroom

Dutch treat


The English language has the reputation of being notoriously hard to learn, as it's chock full of words whose pronunciation doesn't match their spelling, bizarrely irregular verbs and plurals, and a subjunctive tense that not even native speakers understand.Dutch, however, is just plain funny. At least, the English-speaking Mrs. Gerbil and I think so.For example: did you know that "Monsterhouder"

Support single-payer healthcare!


A cute video from my aunt's colleague's family:

Growing up


Although I'm only 17 months and two days away from turning 30 (ZOMGWTF!), I occasionally still have difficulty remembering, and accepting, that I am an adult. Perhaps it is my baby face. Perhaps it's a lingering effect of having been at least a year younger than my classmates in school. Or perhaps it's a function of just how long adolescence lasts in US culture--some theories of development hold

Fight the future


1998:"ZOMG, the X-Files movie comes out tomorrow! We've got to go see it--tomorrow!"2008:"ZOMG, the X-Files movie comes out tomorrow! Oy, we'd need a babysitter... but Tovah's not taking a bottle regularly, and what if she doesn't behave herself, and what if we can't concentrate on the movie because we're worried about her, and... Oh well, guess we'll just wait till it comes out on DVD."

Wait... what?


I enjoyed a lovely grape Popsicle this evening, and I was rewarded for my brain-freezing efforts with the following oxymoron-masquerading-as-a-joke:Uh...

The Spam Files, Episode 4: Wrong spouse


I got this great spam the other day:from: Christsubject: Memo to all employeesIf you know Mrs. Gerbil, 'nuff said.

Post #200: Beep beep


Hey! This is my 200th post! Rock on.During the last few months of my pregnancy, I enjoyed a brief hiatus from being honked at by dudes in cars. Though Mrs. Gerbil would beg to differ, I've never thought of myself as particularly attractive. The extra forty pounds made me feel even less attractive (again, Mrs. Gerbil would beg to differ), so I was glad for the lack of honking.A staple of my

Grand Rounds at Shrink Rap


My blog-pals Roy, Dinah, and ClinkShrink are hosting this week's Grand Rounds over at Shrink Rap.Even if you are not excited about the prospect of lots of health- and mental-health-related blog posts, it's worth it just for their awesome interactive iPhone graphic. (Which has a little purple gerbil in it!)

On peer review and cell phones


My cell phone and I have a love-hate relationship. I do not care for bells and whistles like call waiting, text messaging, or camera functions; and I always have a devil of a time explaining myself to the guys at the Verizon store. I also do not care for cell phones' collective implication of round-the-clock availability of their owners. But I like being able to talk to certain people for free,



I am a very, very bad child of the 80s.Last weekend I finally saw Michael Jackson's "Thriller" in its entirety. All 14 cheese-tastic minutes of it.(In my defense, I was three when the video was released, and my parents do not have cable. But still, this is kinda embarrassing.)And it made me wonder--what, exactly, is involved in an audition for a zombie movie? Do they ask aspiring zombies to

Gerbil Jumble #4: Didja miss me?


I haven't posted one of these in ages--almost two years, to be exact. But that's not to say I haven't been doing them. I just haven't been posting them.