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Chronicles Of The Un-Rich And Un-Famous Blogger



Take a long glance into your life, now take a big step into the perceptions of unruly thoughts, a huge welcome into my world of hopeless imaginations. The blogger is a combination of: wild dreams + bad vocabulary + parmesan cheese + pieces of heritage + a



Updated: 2016-01-20T01:59:47.039+08:00

 



Until The End Of Time

2014-11-02T21:13:04.014+08:00

I realize that we don't grow up. There is just no end to this process called "growing up". It is a forever going cycle, that doesn't meet an end. Unless, you die of course, but still, that doesn't mean you've grown up.

You see legally, there is an age when you are considered an adult to vote, to marry, to have sex (and I'm not saying you should just because you can). You're put under this shelter of an "education" or family system where decisions are kind of made for you, instead of by you. Try as we may to differ, but we don't get the luxury to choose what we want, in the name of protection, love, "for your own well being" or whatever you may call it. Then you reach a certain age and you're suddenly allowed to make worldly decisions even though you've hardly proven you're any good at choosing a caption for that picture you want to post, or that filter you chose, does it really make you flawless?

As I roamed my elder brother's apartment the other day, I came across these little cute outfits of a little person hung to dry. A year ago, I'd be seeing sports gear and jerseys. This was a radical change. A year ago, we'd be discussing where to countdown for new year. This year, we're talking about if an accomodation has a refrigerator for milk storage.

You see, there is no point where we magically grow up. We are continuously growing up. There is always room for improvement because we are humans. We are not perfect. We are flawed, and as much as we may want to look the person beside with a hint of distate, we must never forget that he may be better at something we know zilch about! We go through phases of childhood, puberty, being teenagers, and then reach this stage called adulthood. Most tend to think it ends there. Like you made it pass the tour de france or something, and that gives you the right to be above others. But it's not that simple.

Just because you are a certain age of "maturity" (with lots of questions marks here) that does not give you the right to think too highly of yourself, to belittle, to not think before you speak, to think that God actually spent more time on you because it clearly doesn't reflect that. Everyone has room for improvement. You, at one time, did not know how to do your job effortlessly. You, at one time, did not know how to parent/cook/teach/public speak/drive/house manage/etc etc as you would now.

 

Apparently this is a journey. So, if this is yours, and YOU have reached your destination, why are you still here?

 




Food For Thought

2013-10-07T20:59:21.857+08:00

Something I came across and thought I'd share. Or rather remind myself :)

 




Don't Let It Wash Away Our Sanity

2013-05-08T01:30:17.181+08:00

so you lost,

and you blame everyone but yourself.

you say your failure,

was caused by us.

how about, not.

how about,

because you are a failure,

hence you lost.


i remember growing up and being taught to take responsibilities. for all of us, we are still held for our own accounts. stop being a kid and own up. i may be able to forget the magic, but not this blame. it disgusts me. 



A Drop Of Entertainment

2013-03-13T00:19:52.221+08:00

Sometimes I wonder if I've grown up too fast? Is that even a valid question I ask myself on other days. As you can see, my mind is a complete mess. Still undecided on which side of the line it wants to be.

 

The other day while driving back after a really long day at work, I started smiling to myself watching the raindrops on my car. Prior to that I was really pissy because I was plain exhausted. You see, when I was younger, I remember sitting in the car watching the rain drops wiggle away trying to "run away" from the wipers while my mom drove. Making a little scene ala a short disney movie about rain drops on windshields. In flight entertainment of sorts.

I used to make up noises and conversations in my head, putting voices to those raindrops. Sometimes it was a race, sometimes it was just running for safety. All in the span of 5 seconds before the wipers wiped them out. You can imagine how many re-runs there were!

I don't know why I suddenly remembered doing this, or when I stopped doing this in the process of growing up. But it calmed me and made me forget a lot of things I was worried about.

I tried to dig up my memories and think about other unusual things I had done but I could not recall. I do wonder though, do we lose a little of ourselves as we grow up? These little things that may have defined you as a kid, the same things that make adults go, " oh i remember when you were young you used to do this and that, but what happened to you now? "

 

Oh, must be life! That must be it. Life tamed me. It stole my innonce, ignorance and simplistic happiness and left me with "responsibility" instead. How nice :p

 




Mutant Onboard

2012-09-02T04:57:38.251+08:00

Just got off the flying white elephant and found out TheReliableOne played a little trick on me. All this while I've been told we'd have a two hour transit between cities.

Instead, I find myself mind-boggled when I see the next departure many hours later. Thought myself silly for getting the time zones confused, recalculated the local time many times because our watches weren't synchronized yet but it all didn't make sense. The numbers didn't tally. Did I see the wrong flight? Impossible.

I turned to him and asked, "we have a five hour transit?", baffled.

And I see him giggling.

Ahhhh what surprises are in store for me. Oh well, as I usually say in-flight: sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight.

Gotta trust the pilot, right? Heh.


"Experienced" this (pic below). Had a little Jean Grey-xmen moment in the toilet. Would be cooler if I could "move" time though. That'd be helpful now!




Misinterpretation Of Communication

2012-09-01T17:41:14.225+08:00

I don't know how I read that as "masturbating" instead of "maturing". Took me to finish reading the second para before I realized I read it wrongly.

Then I jumped back top to read again.

*slaps forehead*

Anyway, today will start another journey into unchartered territories. New adventures on the way :)



Burnt Words

2012-08-17T21:29:19.563+08:00

" People talk too much. Humans aren't descended from monkeys.

They come from parrots. "


Friends gifted me this book, and I've been glued to it. So many twist and turns, and beautifully written. I can only imagine how much more amazing this book is in its original language. Wished I read spanish.

Endless time I'm left shocked and awed. It's addictive. I almost need to map out the less-than-6-degrees-of-separation between them characters because my mind can't comprehend all the revelations that keep coming. I love how everyone has a tale to tell, true or not. The story just keeps going. Akin to my harry potter fascination.

" Destiny is usually just around the corner.

Like a thief, a hooker, or a lottery vendor:

its three most common personifications.

But what destiny does not do is home visits.

You have to go for it yourself. "




Like A Toy Airplane

2012-08-15T14:10:18.716+08:00

The other day IvanTheTerrible and NigelBuscuitBoy were playing badminton in the porch when they spotted a red jet aircraft flying past. Excitedly (expectedly) they ran in the house screaming and shouting.

 

"Uncle Sharman your aeroplane flying! Come and see! Come! Quick quick!"

 

Oh boys, if only it were indeed my own aeroplane. I could afford a lot of other things too ;)

Anyhow, it's much better than my fate in the eyes of their younger brother. JoelGotGroove always takes his toys to the bathtub. Unlike sesame street, it's not yellow rubber duckies, instead cars, robots, or a toy aeroplane.

One fateful day during his bath he flew his aeroplane around pretending I was the pilot in the said plane. Suddenly the plane took a dive and he exclaimed, "oh no Uncle Sharman! Aeroplane falling down. Oh no!"

Then he crashed the plane.

Repeatedly.

With full dolby surround sound effects.

So much love.

title="YouTube video player" class="youtube-player" type="text/html" width="500" height="305" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/c4BLVznuWnU" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="">
 

One of my current addictives right now. I thought the video was really funny, do watch and enjoy!




Dear Kitty

2012-08-04T18:42:04.295+08:00

I've always been keen to read this memoir for many years. I remember reading about it in the papers when I was still in school, and the name Anne Frank stuck in my mind. I never did find the book till recently and finally got the chance to immerse myself in it.

It's been awhile since I read a novel this thick. Admittedly, lately I rather read simpler stuff because I can't wait to reach the end. With rosters being quite tight, I thought I'd never get time to read. Luckily, I persevered :p

I had reservations when I got the book. Anne Frank was a teenage girl. Could I relate? Could she hold my interest? I know it's archaic to think like that despite the many commends she has received.

I smiled when I read her first entry though. The way she wrote, light-hearted and warm. It was harder to put down than I earlier perceived.

Her entries were honest. I got sucked into the innocent abandon she wrote with. There were also entries with so much details, it felt like the journalist she aspired to be. As I read through her pages, her words felt as though they were for me. It felt as if I was Kitty, as if I could receive letters from the past. As I read more, "yours truly Anne Frank" was a friend I knew growing up. The different phases she went through, the fear, frustrations, hopes, despairs, all of it as if she conveyed personally to me. How a person so young like her, in such circumstances as hers, was able to keep pulling through, I cannot imagine. Makes one rethink about perspectives of life, the wants, the needs, obsessions and inspirations.

Reading the final pages today, my heart sinks at the unhappy ending my friend has to face. If you knew her, many like her, you'd ask why do certain people even exist. And therein lies all the contradictions about life.

68 years on this very day that I read her final words, the Secret Annexe was raided. Reading the after words, I hear a heart thumping so fast in the distant. I wish I could save her.

"I want to be useful or bring enjoyment to all people, even those I’ve never met. I want to go on living even after my death! And that’s why I’m so grateful to God for having given me this gift, which I can use to develop myself and to express all that’s inside me!"

- words from Anne Frank -

 




Willy Bonkers

2012-06-10T19:22:53.976+08:00

The blood turned out to be a side effect from the operation. A bloody mouth I had.

Retracing my words, I mentioned the nurses monitored my pressure and temperature every hour. Every time they came to check, they kept asking if I had gone to the loo.

Number 1: I felt like I was still on heavy anesthesia. I could barely reply them, much less take a leak.

Number 2: I had been fasting since 7.30am. I came out of the operating theater almost 5pm and didn't have anything to eat or drink, except for the drips. What was I suppose to dispose?

Finally at 5am the following day I had the urge to pee. I could almost hear a sigh of relief from the nurses. So after they took my temperature and pressure, I made my way to the toilet, trying my best not to make a sound so I won't wake the ReliableOne.

I stood. I tried. I panicked.

I needed to pee, yet nothing was flowing out. What the hell was happening to me? Is this why the nurses kept asking if I took a leak? Possible outcomes include a broken willy? Why wasn't I informed?!

How was I going to live with the urine bag? Could I still fly? What if turbulence broke the bag somehow? NOOOOOO...

I tried to rationalize the situation: doctor did a job upstairs, why would it affect downstairs? Come on, Sharman. Make some sense.

Yes biology and I don't go too well but I couldn't find the connection. I concluded I was merely freaking out for no good reason then calmed myself down. Closed my eyes and let it flowwww...

Peeing never felt this satisfying.

 

I later found out anesthesia could affect your bladder's mechanical work. Something like a temporary shutdown while it's in effect. See, I'm only filled with crap because of the anesthesia.

 




Deep Slumber

2012-05-29T02:28:44.475+08:00

I never knew the anesthesia would last for so long. I was out for almost 14 hours. I wonder if my lack of sleep that day had any effect for my knock out.

I remember the nurses coming to check my blood pressure and temperature every hour. Each time they came, I would only be awake for about 5 seconds then I'd be back to slumber land.


I remember my throat feeling uncomfortable after the operation. Like I had phlegm stuck there. You know how annoying that is? It felt worse because it hurt when I tried to clear it, and the anesthesia made me feel woozy. The good thing was, the anesthesia made me feel woozy. So after a few attempts to get it cleared away, I decided to wave the white flag and go back to my deep slumber. Not hard to do at all.

But then I'd wake up every so often for a few seconds and I'd feel that uncomfortable phlegm stuck in my throat again. It's really really really annoying because I felt really helpless unable to do anything about it. I couldn't even whine!

So finally after many 5 seconds wake, I decided enough was enough and I could not take it any longer. I mustered all my energy I could find and tried to signal my bedside buddies for help.

I. Needed. To. Spit.

I turned. They brough me a cup. I closed my eyes. Held my breath. And cleared my throat. Ouch. Dammit.

Then spat that damned phlegm out of my mouth. I felt like a warrior that just owned a monster-that-wiped-out-an-entire-village.

In my semi-conscious state, I stared blankly. Baffled. What just came out of my mouth? That doesn't look green. Or yellow. Matter of fact, it's blood red. Fuck. Did the doctor tingle with my eyes instead? Have I gone colour blind?

Why is it red?!

Suddenly I felt like a boxing champ because I needed to spit out more blood. Round two.

Then panic loomed again. Why was I spitting blood? Is this normal? Should I be freaking out instead? I felt kinda cool because usually when people spit out blood, they're in pain but I didn't feel anything. I was doing it effortlessly. BUT WHY WAS I SPITTING OUT BLOOD? Was there some internal bleeding I should be worried about? Did I need to see the doctor again? Was I going to die? I did what I thought was the best idea then. If I was going to die then...

 

I'm going to sleep on it first. This anesthesia is doing me too good.

 




Balled Out Of My Mouth

2012-05-26T10:14:16.492+08:00

I decided to get my tonsils removed a few days ago, and now I'm food deprieved. I can't wait to have my solid food again. But the frappes are a welcome!

I was initially looking forward to this operation, to the better quality of life it promised and because it was my first ever operation. You know, the excitement of doing something for the very first time? Yes I'm weird. Then as the days got nearer, I started to freak out a little. I started wondering the what if's. What if things go wrong? What if they find something they weren't suppose to? What if I wake up in the middle of the op? What if...

I have a side of me that has affinity for morbid thoughts.

Well the day came, and as I sat in the room with the ReliableOne counting down the minutes, I began to wonder.

Were they really going to wheel me down in my bed? I felt like I was taking advantage of these nice nurses. Perfectly healthy (except the tonsils) 25 year old over-stretched human being going for a free ride. That's not how my momma taught me. Or was I gonna walk down to the OT? Walking around in the gown made me feel obscene and that would be so undramatic of an entrance, no?

So in the end, I was wheeled down in my bed. There I lay, not sure where to look, what to think of, what to do. I tried to act natural and look at the ceiling, but not knowing where I was going was even more nerve-wrecking. In the cockpit, we always have one of the pilot's heads up. Usually that's me because I like to see what's coming. Hence, I felt a bit crippled and out of my place in that bed.

Let me just say, for my years of being infatuated with Grey's Anatomy, being a patient surely feels shitty. You're like a slab of meat being pushed around, nervous and cold. Then everyone around is prancing about doing something important, and you're just there humming to yourself. They lift you, slide you, poke you, and you realize the Operating Theater isn't that grand. Or much of a theater at all. So much for dreaming of a concert. It felt a little morgue-ish in fact.

The anesthetic doctor was a kind old man. He tried to entertain me, asking me what I did, where I studied. But I was plain nervous giving him simplest answers. Then I met my ENT for a whole 2 seconds, said hello and went missing. Then I was back to mr anesthetic and he was telling me what he was going to intoxicate me with. He said he was starting with the painkillers, and that's going to make me sleepy.

I was flying by the end of that shot.

Seriously, I felt why would I need anesthetic if I already felt mighty fine with just the painkillers alone? Then the anesthetic kicked in.

And I was knocked out cold.

For a surgery that was suppose to take half an hour, I decided to be a bloody patient. Took the doctors an hour and ten minutes instead ;p

 




Dear Dan Dan

2012-05-29T02:45:58.409+08:00


'Da-Daaah!'


Sudden weight upon my back. Sticky fingers round my eyes. Cheerio breath in my face.


'Da-Daaah! Guess Who?'


You never had to guess with Daniel. Perched on the stairs above the landing. Same ambush every time.


I might step aside, let him crash into the wall. Or play along if I felt kind. Fight back more often, floor him. Times I really did forget. Not many.


'Da-Daaah! Guess What?'


'Did you see the hillycopters? Can you guess where I was hiding?'


Oh, Dan. I wish.






- "Hide & Seek" -

 




Bright Lights

2012-04-25T04:39:21.826+08:00

Senses cold,
Blinded by your sight,
These guards crumbled,
My inhibitions lost.

Thoughts disarray,
Yet one was not mistaken,
In darkness I see your play,
In light all others were hidden.

Sooner or later you'll disappear,
My everything I forsook,
Dreamers run far and near,
Chance for a second look.

Save your bright lights for me,
All of it just this once.





Overheard At 30-Odd Thousand Feet

2012-04-12T01:17:08.332+08:00



pilots have manners in the air. it's common to hear when flying through different countries' airspace to give a greeting like good morning/good afternoon/selamat siang/sawadeekrub when entering boundaries. i guess it's a little impolite to just barge into their airspace without a hello. this guy however, takes the cake for rudeness. 

when flying INTO kuala lumpur airspace a pilot calls to the air traffic controller:

aircraft: lumpur control, selamat datang! this is XXX.

it's like a stranger walks into your home, then welcomes you to your own place, claiming all your possessions.


maybe we should strictly stick to standard english phraseology. 





A Simple Life

2012-03-21T12:23:28.987+08:00

i watched this film yesterday, and it pulled a lot of hidden strings in me. there were so many parts which i felt relatable. scenes where it almost felt like i was watching me from the outside looking in. the drama starts slow. it almost felt dry, and i almost was wondering what i had gotten myself into. almost, because the movie picks up soon enough. i was really amused with how humour had left me laughing in stitches despite the inevitable sad note the movie is set in. the beauty in all of it is the conversations i think. about two weeks back, i had the honour of driving one of my friend's nanny. while we drove, we spoke of many things like my friend's childhood, what she was like as a kid, how she's changed etc etc. like her, i also had a nanny that practically lived with us. like her, the nanny was with the family even longer than i had been.see for those of us privileged to have another mother figure in the form of Tao Jie, it's hard to grasp and explain our relationship and dynamics of the whole family. sure she was paid, but never would we treat her like she was paid. she was indeed family. closest Roger could call himself was her godson, but i'm sure in truth, even godson is an understatement.i grew up a certain amount of years, not realizing my nanny back then, wasn't blood related. she was there in family pictures before me. she was there when i was born, changing my napkins, feeding me food, buying me toys, she was there every step of the way. it's hard to explain if you have not been in the same situation because back then, our nannies were family.it didn't help that i called her grandmother. or the fact i had never met my real grandmother. for many years, she was my actual grandmother in my mind till i eventually made out the whole scenario and why she had her own family.when you realize this lady who's been taking care of you all your life like your own flesh and blood, i do wonder how she did it all. i do wonder, was it wrong for me to want her when she had her own family. was it fair? in the movie, you see that wall breaking down between employer and employee. you see it in the conversations, how they tease each other, how they speak and treat each other, how they reminisce. the movie if it doesn't affect you anyhow, i'm sure the least it would do is remind you to appreciate life, for that is all we have. to be nicer. to be kinder. to give back.watch this movie. it left me in tears, for laughter and otherwise." warm your hearts,before the end of the world. "[...]



Cockpit Conversations

2012-04-12T01:16:29.185+08:00

Capt: you think we can go for flight or not?

Me: i don't think so.

Capt: i go back early also no point. my wife not here.

Me: where she went? holiday?

Capt: my wife went back to see her mother.

Me: oh okay.





Me: then we go search for you new wife la!

Capt: waaaah you sangat pandai ah!!! mau saya tinggal seorang seorang. you tau i sudah tua lagi mau saya cari wife baru. nanti my wife halau me!



Water Breathing Dragon

2012-01-24T21:30:00.422+08:00

It's a new year! Hope everyone's having a splashing new year. This blog needs a splash of life too. Have been far too busy letting life get me by lately.

Things get a little frustrating sometimes. Everything moves so fast, it's the end of a year, and beginning of another. All I can remember was getting out of bed at ungodly hours. Was that really all?

There was a time I remember lying in a foreign bed far away and isolated with unfamiliar faces, wishing my biggest wish.

That I'd be exactly where I am, here, now, today. At that time, I'd give anything to be here. For at that time, this life was the perfect one. The greenest pastures on the other side.

But when you're finally where you wished to be, then what? What comes next? I guess it's normal to feel unsatisfied and unfulfilled.

Stop. Breathe. Time to remember to be grateful to the loving family, the great friends who have come and stayed on, the good memories, laughs and tears.

If this isn't enough, or just wasn't good, how would I have it? I've been reading a little more than usual lately. I keep forgetting life can be worse. And if I had it like that, how would I cope?

I can't imagine.

So time to brush the weightless off my shoulders, and be thankful for all that's here now. Family, friends, opportunities, and a working mind, body, soul.

Happy New Year everyone!






Loaded

2011-10-02T22:03:12.091+08:00

"... can't keep their mouths shut, can't keep their noses out of people's business.

... I hear what she says about him, what she exposes about his life when he's not here, and then I wonder what she says about me when I'm not there. I keep my mouth shut."

words of christos tsiolkas.
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone



You Play Love Like A Fool

2011-09-13T21:14:52.271+08:00

"the sense of ending" is a beautiful book. literally. i love how crisp and dark it has been made. i'm usually not a fan of hard covers, but it has a really nice feel. i love the black edges too. oh, and the story's good. i feel like i'm in an all-boys school once again. i feel like i've met adrian, anthony, colin, or alex before. like there was actually five of us. like i was sitting on a wooden chair at my wooden desk again with the morning dampness in the air, with teachers you love and hate preaching their philosophies.

haven't felt lost in something, other than reality, for so long.


it's been ages since i've picked up a book. i realized, this is only my second buy for the year.

i've become a slow reader. but damn it feels good. definitely worth the wait making that mph assistant search for it for half an hour aimlessly. bliss.



Morning Already

2011-09-09T08:58:18.899+08:00

i reached home at seven thirty in the evening last night. made myself indomee, and passed out on the couch till 4am with the tv running on what was suppose to be law and order. then i continued to the bedroom and knocked out till 8am.

effects of too many long morning. at least, i feel a little bit alive now?


i thought september was gonna be a horror. i feared the unknown. i couldn't wait for it to be over.


turned out it's going pretty well. sometimes we just gotta have a little more faith.



Overheard At 30-odd Thousand Feet

2012-04-12T01:16:50.868+08:00

aircraft xxx: singapore radar, xxx radio check?

controller: say again aircraft calling?

aircraft xxx: radar, xxx radio check?

controller: xxx loud and clear.

aircraft xxx: oookay. just checking. very quiet here.

controller: okay, we can see you. you're still flying.

aircraft xxx: yea we hope so!


*******


i have come to a point, where i've somewhat resigned myself to fate. it's almost as if the case of giving your best yet your best isn't good enough. since good enough is subjective, as is many others aspects of life we will live to realize. if i was really not good enough, then i accept the fact. but if i was not good enough because you feel the need to feel empowered and belittle others, then this would be a heartbreak. such is life. nasty. so, i will try to take everything in it's stride, come what may, i'll come out of this taller.

if not already.


" In this life anything can hurt you,

Push you, then forget you,

Erase your history.

But I remember me, I remember me,

It don't matter where I go,

What I'm told,

Now you know.

I remember me, I remember me,

Even if I say goodbye,

Start to cry,

Do or die,

I remember me. "

- jennifer hudson "i remember me"-



Need A Clearance

2011-08-18T20:08:20.102+08:00

" you don't know what's going to happen tomorrow.

you could be here,

you could be somewhere else,

you could be gone.

so just get it.

if you like something,

get it.

don't think so much.

don't think about the money.

money will come and go. "



great advice from the aunty, if she only knew about the credit card statements that come with the things i like. not so great. nevertheless, words i can and will live by.

not that i haven't *gleams*

anyways, the other day i got a call from the credit card company. how excited i was initially. seeing how loyal and such a good customer i was, i thought they called to say i won a car or an all expense paid trip to ibiza or some plain cold hard cash. nope. nehi. they had some saving plans they wanted me to sign up, and it's so awesome, they can just start charging it to my card that i'll be saving without doing anything. can you sense my excitement that i did not use an exclamation mark at the end of my last sentence?

i don't need another savings plan, but i would be eternally grateful if you could just clear my outstanding statement like it never was there?


THEN maybe you could start charging me for your (insipid) savings plan. doesn't help that your "marketing strategy" was to curse me, saying in a decade i'm gonna be in financial ruins filled with debts.

smart ass.


*sings* stop calling. stop calling i don't wanna talk anymore *runs away*



Beggin' For A Saturday

2011-08-13T12:43:55.372+08:00

width="560" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/vlgJMGHAPAc" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="">



i really like this cover. happy saturdays everyone!



Cherish (part 3)

2011-08-04T12:47:53.203+08:00

your mum had lost so much weight. she was nearly a size zero. i kept thinking victoria beckham in my head. i noticed her face had sunken in however. but still, i kept thinking to myself, to lose that much weight in such a short time, she must have worked hard!before i could tell her how amazing she looked, Kit, my colleague, grabbed me by the wrist and squeezed. i held my words, and shrieked just a little."she's got cancer. her husband just told me. i'm freaking out". i froze.damn it. what do i do know? i literally felt as if i had been dumped into a freezer. i tried to carve a smile, but my whole face was stuck in such an awkward position. now everything made sense. why your dad looked worn out. why he was so angry about the album. why your mum lost so much weight.oh my gosh. what would happen to you?Kit squeezed my wrist harder. "shut your mouth and smile".the missus was looking my way and i was stunned with all the thoughts running through my head. i forced a hello, not sure if it could be heard. then she came my way."from your expression, i'm guessing you heard", your mum said as she took my hand. "i don't have much time, the doctor confirmed it. so the important thing now, is for me to spend as much time with my family. to make memories. as many as possible," she said as she wiped the tears that had welled up, "and you've been taking wonderful pictures, i want you to continue doing that for us. i don't know how the future will be. i pray he'll grow up to be a strong boy. nevertheless, he needs to know i'm there for him in the toughest situations. it's going to be hard, i can't imagine. one day he will miss me and he'll have so many questions. he'll probably get into an argument with his dad, and i pray and hope these pictures will provide him some comfort. i won't be there, this is all he has."i blinked and managed a weak "okay", as she proceeded to get ready for the shoot.i could not fathom all that was going on. why would life present itself in such an ugly manner? give you happiness, then just pull it back from right under your feet? it's like a teasing game. give you a taste of what you could have, then saying you can't have it. why would anyone have to subject themselves through this unjust? how would you ever comprehend this? i could not. then your dad came over and said, "i would like him to know how much she loves him. i can't think of any other way than through these pictures. he needs to know his mum loves him. he needs to know she never left him. he needs to remember being with her".it felt as if the world started moving in slow motion, if it did not already stop. i tried to put myself into their shoes. but even as a passerby, this was torture. seeing such a strong structure slowing crumbling into pieces, i wondered, what really mattered in this world then? if this does not last, if this is how the fight ends, should we just give up already?"it's not always about forever. sometimes it's about whatever little time you have that matters. the memories you make, you cherish them forever. at least, you tried. at least, you had them even if it was just for one moment. i hope one day, he'll understand".was my thoughts being played out on a megaphone? your dad's words seem to nail the spot. then he asked me a favour, one i had never done, or even our company."the day she goes, will not be the happiest day. but she insist, it should be a celebration of life, instead of a[...]