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# Pornographica

## - Old Movie Reviews and Stuff

Updated: 2017-09-07T18:22:20.155-07:00

Base37 Sucks

2016-03-10T14:31:31.042-08:00

I occasionally run across a brand of math mumbo jumbo that seems to link all kinds of numbers (pi, Fibonacci sequence, golden ratio, etc) and attach significant meanings to them. Stuff like "there are 5 sides to a pentacle, in the whatsits series 5 happens 5 times, arrange the 5 series in a circle and, blah blah blah) Now this might be hard to follow but math always works regardless of the base you are using. We use base10 i.e. the numbers 0-9 but computers use base2 and to a lesser extent base16. Ancient Mesopotamians used base60 and could do algebra with it. It doesn't matter. the patterns and relationships of mathematics persist regardless of the number system you use. Pi will always be the ratio of the radius of a circle to it's circumference. So while pi might be 3.14 in base10 it will be a different string of numbers in base2 and again in base60. Expressing pi in different bases has no effect on the ratio of pi because it is based on a real relationship and pattern. A more relatable example of this would be degrees and radians. there are 360 degrees in a circle or 2pi radians in a circle. They both mean the same thing and trigonometry works the same way regardless. Algebra, calculus, differential equations, they all work no mater what base you use. So if you have found a bonafide natural pattern it follows that that pattern will exist in all number bases. The number magic i come across almost always is trapped in base10 and concerns itself with the appearance of numbers but has no grasp of any meaningful symmetry or natural pattern.

Alas Tube Man, I Knew Him Well

2016-02-23T08:58:02.529-08:00

the only request i have made is that there be an inflatable arm flailing tube man at my wake. So everybody is trying to be serious and solemn and there is this fan going "brrrrrrrrrrrr" and this day glow tube man flopping everywhere and everybody is just staring at it and shouting "i'm sorry for your loss!" "What?" "I said, i'm sorry for your loss!" meanwhile his head got caught on a flower arrangement and now tube man is twerking right in the face of my daughter-in-law who has only been part of the family for a short time and has no idea what is going on.

Clan of the Cave Bear (1986)

2016-02-17T09:48:16.382-08:00

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So working my way through the Daryl Hannah filmography and i have to say it was not as bad as i though it was going to be. Not sure what i was expecting. It is a famous and loved book series after all. Perhaps the bone through the nose "ooga booga" cave man stereotype and to be fair they do employ the eighties heavy metal bouffant hair.  We all know of course any cave man worth his food taste dirt would have dreadlocks and braids.  But hey it was the eighties and we were experimenting with the cave man look. We know better now days.  it is however an interesting idea of a transitional period in evolution when two lines of humans haven't quite speciated yet. Most of the dialogue is subtitled as communication is mostly done through hand signals but it's not a distraction and seems to work.  The movie has stuck with me a day later so they had to have done something right.  It's one of those movies that is going to get me to read the book series.  Plus it does have one of the coolest movie posters of all time.

Vegan Powers Activate!

2016-02-11T10:45:33.032-08:00

(image) It is impossible to venture through life without accumulating some scars and personal baggage. At 40 i have few scars but unfortunately i have discovered 20 pounds of personal baggage.  Now this in it'self is not necessarily a problem and many i am sure would give me the finger when i say that i am overweight.  It issue as it turns out is not the weight per say, but the distribution of said weight and the resulting curvatures.  Nature is very specific on this point and compound curvatures are the preferred aesthetic.  Sadly the phenotype is devolving into a rather uninspiring geometry analogous to the equation pi*r^2 or what my cousin so eloquently describes as "like an egg on stilts."  The 6 pack is now a 40oz and on its way to becoming a keg.
So it is time to change something.  Doing an impartial peer reviewed double blind study has produced the following three results:  1) vegans get naked. 2) vegans get laid 3) vegans are just better than everyone else.  That my friend is a hat trick of winning.  If only the food didn't suck.  Running it is.

Alcoholic FAIL

2009-01-08T09:49:56.791-08:00

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So new years was fun. Unfortunately I am alcohol impaired and have no fear of puking. I just never can get there to that passed out drunk place. A few beers and a shot of tequila and my body goes "this isn't fun anymore." Off to the bathroom and all is well again. Alcoholic FAIL.

More Dumb Stuff I Do

2008-11-24T11:30:04.930-08:00

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I did not expect this level of dirty and underhanded methods from a people who hold the game in such esteem and reverence. Yet to show up to the Vegas Tournament completely sober and rested has brought the Canadians to a new low. It flies in the the face of everything beer league hockey stands for and just proves that there is nothing they won't do to win. I hope they are ashamed of themselves.
By some miracle of fate i managed to survive with all my teeth intact, my body on the other hand is going to need a week to recover. Apparently "busting your ass" is not just an expression. Mine is most certainly malfunctioning in some way. The referees were shall we say disinterested and i took some good hits. As a result the pace was absolutely breakneck. The Canadians where great to watch. They picked us apart so effectively i had to remind myself to keep playing and not just stand there in amazement in how good they were. I really had to step up and i played better and faster than i have in a really long time. The tournament drove home how lazy i've been playing.

The Calender Should Be Out Soon

2008-11-10T11:59:10.142-08:00

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Soaring to new heights yet unattained, i now stand amongst the rank of the elite urban warriors protecting and serving as i must do when life is on the line. Let me explain. when one practices super villainy such as myself eventually the need for a evil lair becomes absolute. I have recently found myself to this point as nefarious and diabolical projects were beginning to spill out of the office into less evil environments. Not to mention that long hikes for tools back and forth were annoying resulting in implements of destruction being left out and not returned to their proper places. Mrs. Evil is patient but she still gets annoyed resulting in less than evil fun time. So I'm in the process consolidating and converting the garage into one massive headquarters for heinous acts of an unspeakable nature.
Enter winter, the most vile of seasons and the evil lair has no central heat. A rather dubious kerosene heater was brought out of deep storage and pressed into service. Sure, many high ranking super villains have run their lairs 24/7 but i simply haven't got the budget so there is a bit of a power up delay before things are fully online, i.e. not totally freezing. With the kerosene heater, about 20min. So activating the power up sequence i returned to the house to await the dastardly fun which would no doubt ensue. When i returned at the appointed time i was greeted with dense smoke emanating from the frame of the secret entrance and the sure knowledge that i was about to witness a chemically driven fire of epic proportions. I have no patience for OSHA and my chemical safety protocols are lax.
The phrase "so thick you can cut it with a knife" while often overused is a completely accurate description of what i experience when i opened to door. I've never experienced anything quite like it. The air had mass, a lot of mass and was completely opaque. There are 4 four foot shop lights on the ceiling and it was completely dark. Fortunately the fire was contained in the heater itself and once i located said offending heater i managed to turn it off.

The penalty for failure is death.

So a new propane shop heater is now in service and power up times have been reduced to 5 minuets. A serendipitous byproduct of all this is the entire lair is now covered in soot inadvertently improving the aura of evil it projects.

Sticky Nugs of Dank Cauliflower

2008-11-03T13:07:49.781-08:00

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Behold my hydroponic production facility producing lettuce at a mere \$50 a head. Ah, but the kids like it and having some green around and bright light will probably help me through the despair of winter. After some rigorous analysis in the form of tallying up my receipts, I've determined that there can be only one product that is profitable under a hydroponic system. Judging from the walk in clientele at the hydroponics store, I'm pretty sure i was the only one there growing vegetables. I must admit to a certain fascination if not down right temptation. How often do you get a chance to screw criminals and the government at the same time. It would be effortless and undetectable. However the state and the federal government seem to be locked in some heroic conflict over who gets to violate me as a free citizen. I think I'll wait and see where the dust settles.

Anyhooh it's been an interesting undertaking. Historically the only plants that got water in my house are the ones that climbed off the shelf and drank strait from the tap. Needless to say there have been numerous botanical casualties. I often feel like some ogre sized retard asphyxiating and crushing the poor kittys i love so dearly. Under this system the plants get automatically watered three times a day and spend 18 hours under direct light, also automatically controlled. Perhaps the plants are finally safe.

Dumb Stuff I Do

2008-10-31T22:43:16.698-07:00

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Well i almost broke my foot last night trying to block a slapshot with my skate. Now i'm going to be limping for the weekend. The same maneuver got me this bruise a few weeks before.

And a full sized image.

2008-04-19T00:30:29.422-07:00

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Lets try out this phone thing.

2008-04-19T00:22:02.817-07:00

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Just going to try out the mobile posting. The great and glorious gunther.

Doomed to Fail

2008-04-18T23:57:01.204-07:00

Ok so i think my world record for keeping a journal is about 3 days so i'm not to optimistic that this thing is going to work out.