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LOL, Douchebags



OMG, douchebags are everywhere! Submit a douche: loldouchebags@gmail Our Mission



 



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Sun, 20 Sep 2009 20:59:54 -0400

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Douchebags of the Week (Sept. 5-11) While this is probably not...

Tue, 15 Sep 2009 20:00:28 -0400

Douchebags of the Week (Sept. 5-11) While this is probably not an actual photograph of the douchebag-in-question, we’re relatively confident that Mark Whicker and the editors at the Orange Country Register can’t object to our laziness in publishing it as such since it was one of the results that came up when we did a Google Image search for the sports columnist. Who has time for considering such things when your only concern is just filling space—regardless of how ill-conceived the ideas are? Last Monday, Whicker took on a whole new angle to the incredible developments in the case of Jaycee Lee Dugard, who was abducted in 1991 and resurfaced some 18 years later. If anything exemplifies a clear case of a newspaper columnist “phoning it in,” then Whicker’s decision to exploit the horrific story as an excuse to bullet-point whatever random collection of sports stories came to mind certainly takes the cake. It’s shocking that after more than two decades in the business, Whicker didn’t have the common sense to realize how terribly inappropriate and shameless this would strike every rational person as being; it’s even worse that none of the editors above him had the decency or respect for their audience to tell the columnist to go back to his desk and do some real work. Naturally, the reaction was swift and universal condemnation. Deadspin called it “the single worst piece of sports journalism ever committed to the page.” A reaction piece on The Huffington Post was titled, “Orange County Register Publishes The Single Most Tasteless Sports Column In The History Of Written Language.” And when Michael David Smith at AOL Fanhouse spoke to Whicker about the feedback, the writer claimed he was “surprised by the angry tone of the reaction"—which he also called "extreme.” And perhaps you couldn’t blame Whicker for thinking the idea wasn’t going to cause the shitstorm that it did—because he used the same concept in the same year Dugard went missing for a column attempting to tell Terry Anderson, the longest-held American hostage in Lebanon during that country’s 15-year long civil war, about the notable sports events that he’d missed. Of course, Whicker didn’t recall any negative feedback to that column and blamed the reaction on the “speed the enormity of the Internet”: “I’m a little saddened by the tone of some of the responses because I think it says a lot about what’s out there in computer-land,” Whicker said. “I’ve had some e-mailers say, ‘Why don’t you write about 9/11 while you’re at it?’ Another person said, 'Why don’t you write about the Holocaust next?’ I think that’s a really obscene thing to say.” Is it really? As the best satire has a way of doing, there was an awful lot of truth to the imagined line-by-line response Dugard would have had to the piece: How long before she fully digests the world she re-enters? How difficult to adjust to such cataclysmic change? The hardest part for me in this trying and nightmarish time is not knowing what happened in sports in the last 18 years. It’s been nearly as tough to deal with as all the constant rapes. While we can certainly understand that your editors here at LOL may be joining the mob mentality that is “America at our self-aggrandizing, self-righteous, politically correct worst” as Keith Scherer said in Rob Neyer’s reaction post over at ESPN.com—right before the web site showed it’s own journalistic integrity and axed the piece. We feel confident, however, that much like that douchebag we found on the side of the country a few weeks back, Whicker and his editors in the O.C. are emblematic of the very reasons print journalism’s health continues to suffer. While every columnist will have their occasional misfire, if newspapers continue to pump out opinions that have seemingly had little to no editorial thought given to them, who’s to blame the public for not giving any more thought to their product either?[...]



Douchebag of the Week (Aug. 28-Sept. 4) This here is Tim, a.k.a....

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 16:35:26 -0400

Douchebag of the Week (Aug. 28-Sept. 4) This here is Tim, a.k.a. onefootinthegrave, a.k.a. Hannibal Cash Esq. He was kind enough to warn everybody on August 30, “During football season I may reach Masshole levels of arrogant douchebaggery.” He’s certainly got the pose down pretty good, we’ll give him that. But Tim can be forgiven for taking pride in his World Champion Steelers or, in a few more months, World Champion Penguins. Heck, even Pittsburgh’s baseball team recently claimed a title of their own. But it’s funny because we were actually thinking of Tim that day when former veep Dick Cheney decided to emerge from his bunker and take to the morning airwaves of Fox News Sunday. When host Chris Wallace brought up some of the specific interrogation techniques mentioned in the inspector general’s report—such as waterboarding Khalid Sheikh Mohammed a mere, oh, 183 times—Cheney didn’t fail to display his contempt for the Constitution: “Chris, my sort of overwhelming view is that the enhanced interrogation techniques were absolutely essential in saving thousands of American lives and preventing further attacks against the United States, and giving us the intelligence we needed to go find Al Qaeda, to find their camps, to find out how they were being financed. Those interrogations were involved in the arrest of nearly all the Al Qaeda members that we were able to bring to justice. I think they were directly responsible for the fact that for eight years, we had no further mass casualty attacks against the United States. It was good policy. It was properly carried out. It worked very, very well.” That’s rather odd, because while Cheney was calling Attorney General Eric Holder’s decision to ask a former prosecutor to review CIA interrogations of high-profile terrorism suspects a “political move,” that very same day down the dial on CBS’ “Face the Nation,” John McCain—you know, the guy who was the Republican candidate for president just one year ago and is still very much a member of the GOP—seemed to have a slightly different take on that effectiveness: “I think these interrogations once publicized helped al-Qaeda recruit. I got that from an al Qaeda operative in a prison camp in Iraq. I think the ability to work with our allies was harmed.” But silly John, what would he know—having only been a prisoner of war and being subjected to extreme torture for a mere five and a half years? Of course, it got us thinking back to February of this year when Cheney was saying how he feared that “the people populating Obama’s ranks put too much faith in negotiation, persuasion, and good intentions"—because that’s, um … a bad thing? You might say that comment back then rubbed Tim the wrong way: What the fuck do you know about keeping this country safe you warmongering cocksucker? When you die, I will go to jail for pissing on your grave. As far as we’re concerned, Tim’s earned the right to boast about the Steelers, the Pens, or whatever the hell he wants. Rest assured that when Dick Cheney’s soulless, douchebag carcass is mercifully put six feet under, we’ll be right there pissing alongside him.[...]



Joe Wilson Office number: 202-225-2452 and @CongJoeWilson on...

Wed, 09 Sep 2009 21:25:09 -0400

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Joe Wilson

Office number: 202-225-2452 and @CongJoeWilson on Twitter.




Douchebag of the Week (Aug. 22-28) This heartwarming tweet from...

Wed, 02 Sep 2009 09:52:17 -0400

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Douchebag of the Week (Aug. 22-28)

This heartwarming tweet from talk show host Neal Boortz comes via Tumblr’s abbyjean:

Boortz has also called the overwhelmingly black, poor victims of the Katrina disaster in New Orleans “human parasites” and “deadbeats,” even suggesting that a victim of Hurricane Katrina consider prostitution instead of “sucking off taxpayers.” Although Katrina’s devastation cost this nation $80 billion, killed thousands, and displaced a million people, Boortz believes “Katrina cleansed New Orleans.” (thinkprogress)

not just douchey, repugnant.

Perhaps N'awlins isn’t a market that Boortz has deemed worthy of his concern or insight, but you can only marvel at this man’s sense of reasoning, which is (to put it as delicately as possible) certifiably batshit crazy:

Odd, isn’t it, that two million could get on the National Mall for Barack Obama’s inauguration without any public transportation, but 80,000 couldn’t get out of New Orleans with four days warning and busses and trains running.

No, we don’t get the comparison either.

But it appears that poor Boortz has trouble comprehending how some 1.8 million people from various locations outside of the nation’s capital and more than two months to make travel arrangements got to Washington, D.C.—despite the fact that the Washington Post reported how the day’s “transportation plan worked as well as it did because the planners fully exploited the Washington region’s biggest transportation asset: the Metrorail system.”

In addition to neglecting the Metrorail’s “highest ridership day in its three-decade history,” Boortz’s assertion of “four days warning” also ignores that a voluntary evacuation order from Mayor Ray Nagin came only one day before Katrina was upgraded to a Category 5 storm, and a mandatory evacuation wasn’t ordered until the eve of the storm’s initial landfall in Louisiana. (The entire timeline of the saga is here.)

Oh, and those “busses” and trains were running, you say?

According to his bio, Boortz’s aliases also include “Mighty Whitey and The High Priest of The Church of the Painful Truth,” although his website should be updated so that “Misinformed Douchebag” is first and foremost on that list.




Douchebag of the Week (Aug. 15-21) Does anybody remember a time...

Tue, 25 Aug 2009 12:03:31 -0400

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Douchebag of the Week (Aug. 15-21)

Does anybody remember a time not so long ago when we actually didn’t mind Brett Favre because he could pull off a movie cameo and memorably remind Matt Dillon’s character why he was in Miami? You could darn near say we loved the sumbitch after that.

Oh, but how times have changed. Nowaday, it’s an annual thing to see this blubbering mongoloid get all misty-eyed at the conclusion of a football season, pretend to wrestle with thoughts of retirement while avoiding any training camp and then, ultimately, announce he’s gotta come back because he just loves the game too much.

And you don’t just have to be an aficionado of the Green Bay Packers to be understandably irritated when the NFL’s premier prima donna gets the president of his fan club SI reporter Peter King to ask him fully-loaded questions that further fuel Favre’s attempted victimization.

From King’s Aug. 4 column after Favre announced he would not be playing for the Vikings:

Favre was down. He just sounded beat, like he had nothing left to give, and a little depressed. “I’m sure I’ll regret it down the road,” he said.

I asked him about the toll this had taken on his reputation. “Two years ago you were ‘Sportsman of the Year’ and an American folk hero,” I said. “Now there are kids and adults who are sick of you, who don’t love you anymore. How does it feel?”

“Well, then they really didn’t love me in the first place,” he said.

Oh, and just to clarify, Favre wanted everybody to know this had nothing to do with “revenge against the Packers” or “getting back at [Green Bay GM] Ted Thompson"—which is good, because those two rather important groups weren’t mentioned in the question either, but it’s nice to know that this yearly charade certainly has nothing to do with them. And when he announced his inevitable return on Aug. 18—nearly one week after training camp’s conclusion, of course—the headline declared ”this is not about revenge.“ Indeed, it all now has to do entirely with feeding Brett Favre’s massive ego and hoping that some city somewhere every season will be willing to play along with this tired routine.

Great athletes are forever indebted to the cities whose fans supported them by purchasing tickets and wearing their jerseys. While Brett Favre now seems fully intent on donning a new uniform every year for his No. 4, he’s also committed to becoming No. 1 among douchebags.




Douchebag of the Week (August 8-14) May William F....

Mon, 24 Aug 2009 14:02:46 -0400

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Douchebag of the Week (August 8-14)

May William F. Buckley’s conservative soul rest in peace, but you have to love that the Wikipedia section devoted to National Review in “popular culture” contains a film that’s more than a quarter-century old.

Not that editor Rich Lowry doesn’t try to stay relevant, of course. As a matter of fact, TPMMuckraker reported on Aug. 11 that Lowry actually offered to help make a push for former Karl Rove aide/ex-“cager” Tim Griffin when the Bush Administration sought some positive spin when doing a little housecleaning that, oh, “raised doubts about the integrity of Department prosecution decisions.”

And then of course they asked, “Anyone better?”

We’re not entirely sure of the accuracy in “the Effete Douchebag Index” one actual National Review reader used while pleading for Lowry to be canned, but it’s encouraging to see that these things are being noticed.




Douchebag of the Week (August 1-7) This is Washington Post...

Mon, 24 Aug 2009 13:12:33 -0400

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Douchebag of the Week (August 1-7)

This is Washington Post employee Ian Shapira, and we’re hoping that he doesn’t think we’re going to be paying him for using this photo. But Ian appears to be kind of new to this whole internet thing—or at least that’s what you’d have to assume when he originally became “a bit triumphant” about Gawker using his otherwise forgettable story. (Note which one you’d rather read.)

Shapira actually went on to author a piece entitled “The Death of Journalism (Gawker Edition)” in which he more or less proposed we rewrite the First Amendment. (We hope Ian doesn’t mind us taking perhaps nine seconds to summarize something he probably spent a far greater number of “painstaking” hours on.) Even former WaPo Executive Editor Jim Brady didn’t see what Shapira was getting at.

When he ended by inviting Gawker to do a number on that piece as well (their logical response is here, but the funnier one is here), Shapira suggested “Whiny WashPost Reporter Makes His Point: Respect the Genuine Article.” But by ignoring the increased readership Gawker got him and getting angry only after his editor asked him to, the only point Shapira made was to respect the fact that he was a clueless douchebag.




Douchebag of the Week (July 25-31) Behold Tennesee’s Sen....

Mon, 24 Aug 2009 13:11:21 -0400

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Douchebag of the Week (July 25-31)

Behold Tennesee’s Sen. Paul Stanley. That’s him and his family back in happier times, because just like every other anti-gay marriage, pro-abstinence Republican, he was always on the moral highground:

“The best home environment is one where mom and dad are there,” Stanley said. “When you’re married, there’s a commitment there.”

But on July 28, Stanley had to announce he was resigning from his position because of two folks he’d brought into his committed home environment. That gentleman in the mug shot on the lower left is Joel Watts, charged with extortion for threatening to make public some rather revealing photos he had that were taken in the senator’s apartment.

Those photos involved one Watts’ girlfriend/Stanley’s intern, McKenzie Morrison, naked in Stanley’s bedroom. She’s an innocent bystander in all of this, of course, seeing as at least this time her boyfriend didn’t beat an elderly man with a hammer.

But the real kicker had to be hearing that Stanley’s pension will be paying the evangelical Christian an all-too-heavenly $666 a month.

Anotherfamily first” douchebag exposed for the utter fraud he is? Praise the Lord!




Behold, Mt. Douchemore (via alexblagg)

Thu, 13 Aug 2009 21:24:07 -0400

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Behold, Mt. Douchemore (via alexblagg)




Douchebag of the Week (July 18-24)

Mon, 03 Aug 2009 14:31:19 -0400

Up until Friday, your editors here had pretty much thought that Deadspin had already made a pretty convincing argument that nobody had a rougher week than the folks at ESPN—with two highly douchebag-worthy offenses there, no less. But lo and behold Friday when the term douchebag seemed to be the only logical way to respond when shadeofgrey asked, “This guy CAN’T be for real, right?” alanfm78: shadeofgrey: I really can’t tell.  It would be pretty funny if it was all a big joke, but if he is serious, oh Lord, what a douchebag.  He’d be the DEFINITION of douchebag.  There is no douchier-bag than this guy. This article about him seems to indicate that he is, in fact, real? Nope, not a joke and if it is, still, he’s an insufferable douchebag. Yeah, not exactly a tough call this week, folks. Hell, even the author of the feature about the man actually concludes “it was possible to see Arthur Kade for everything he is — an unmitigated douchebag, to be sure, the poster boy for all that reeks about contemporary society and culture (the former businessman turned aspiring celebutard, forging a burr-hole through the cacophony that is the Internet), but a character at the same time entirely familiar, one wholly American, a modern-day Tom Joad setting out, sanguine to a fault, westward.” We don’t really know what else we can add here that isn’t already laughable on its own, but that “Kade Scale” certainly left us in remarkable disbelief at what a pompus ass this guy is. Better yet was reading how this man actually justified this “scale” and his wildly warped view of himself and others with claims of “reverse discrimination"—not to mention invoking a "Sex and the City” character Wikipedia describes as a “nymphomaniac narricist.” But to us, the real goods came from early June, when the disgraced best-selling author James Frey met with Arthur Kade for Gawker (the site describes Kade as “a character so committed to perfectly attaining the state of ‘douchebag’ (as originally defined) that some suspect he’s a performance-art hoax”). On his own blog, Kade actually wrote (emphasis ours): I am not sure why I am surprised at these things happening anymore considering how big I am now, but it’s still weird to have celebrities want to meet you. I think that when this is all said and done, and I have accomplished the level of success that I will, I believe that books will be written about me, and I will be in the pantheon of names like Bogart, DeNiro, Nicholson, etc., and I want to sit down with a great author like James and maybe write my memoirs for the world to learn from. In all honesty, that scenario couldn’t be more fitting: Kade sitting down with the same man David Carr had once described Oprah Winfrey as using publicly “to mop up the floor and clean up her reputation at the same time” after it was discovered that a number of details in his memoir were fabricated. Perhaps with Frey’s assistance, Kade can effectively gather up “A Million Little Pieces” from his own diary of delusion to release what could only be titled, “One Giant Douchebag.”[...]



Douchebag of the Week (July 11-17) Much like the week before,...

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 13:38:00 -0400

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Douchebag of the Week (July 11-17)

Much like the week before, another notable name left us too soon and, once again, another notable name used that death to astound us with douchebaggery.

The slaying of Steve McNair on July 4 was shocking, as were the details that came out regarding the murder-suicide. It’s not surprising how hard McNair’s passing hit many of his former teammates, but what in the world are we to make of the comments from Ray Lewis at the service for the former quarterback on Saturday?:

He left a legacy.  The same way when Jesus left, because he had to sacrifice for all of us.

While we sympathize with how hard McNair’s death has hit Lewis, was the Ravens linebacker really the best guy to be speaking at the funeral of a murder victim? That’s akin to Donté Stallworth delivering a lecture on defensive driving.

Beyond that, does McNair’s extramarital affair really make him comparable to the central figure of Christianity? While Jesus’ teachings were heavy on forgiveness of sin—and Lewis himself has gone to great lengths in recent years to atone for his own—trying to force the comparison of martyrdom where it doesn’t apply isn’t totally unforgivable. It is, however, totally douche-worthy.




Douchebag of the Week (July 4-10) When you think of the life...

Fri, 17 Jul 2009 10:15:00 -0400

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Douchebag of the Week (July 4-10)

When you think of the life Earvin “Magic” Johnson has lived and the phenomenal basketball career he had, it’s easy to understand how it might be difficult for the man to pick which one of the many awesome moments he had as being “the greatest.”

Was it one of those five NBA Championships? Or was it being awarded one of the three MVP trophies? Any one of those dozen All-Star Game appearances? Could it be when he was named one of the 50 Greatest Players in NBA History? Perhaps even the NCAA Championship he won at Michigan State could be a contender. Or what about that gold medal?

But as it turns out, during the memorial for the late Michael Jackson last Tuesday, Magic instead actually claimed that the single greatest moment of his life was watching the King of Pop eat from a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken:

I went crazy, like, “Wait a minute. Michael, you eat Kentucky Fried Chicken?” That made my day. That was the greatest moment of my life.

Ugh. That’s finger-lickin’ bad.

We heard plenty of ridiculous statements made in the wake of Jackson’s passing. But if Magic was hoping to try and make us all forget how much whiter Jacko grew with each passing year by utilizing a classic stereotype of blacks, then we’re quite confident that adding this week’s award to his list of accomplishments will, in his mind, pale in comparison to watching a guy eat poultry.




Douchebag of the Week (June 27-July 3) It’s not easy being...

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 11:00:00 -0400

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Douchebag of the Week (June 27-July 3)

It’s not easy being the main man in the Second City, but Chicago Mayor Richard M. Daley has been doing it for so long now that you can somewhat understand why he thinks he can get away with doing whatever he wants. And since he’s so convinced that Chicago’s ongoing bid to host the 2016 Summer Olympics would be nothing short of total economic salvation, the insane lengths Daley is willing to go to are beginning to show.

Daley’s problems began as soon as he returned from Switzerland last weekend and immediately attempted to explain—as only Daley can—how his agreement to sign a host-city contract does not in any way leave the taxpayers of Chicago on the hook for losses. (And if you’re believing that, then perhaps you might also buy that Daley knew nothing about “his nephew’s risky real estate venture with $68 million worth of city employee pension funds” either.)

Since April, the Chicago Reader’s Ben Joravsky and Mick Dumke have detailed how the Daley administration already cost the city of Chicago millions of dollars by leasing out parking meters for a fraction of what they were actually worth. And now that some aldermen are growing irritated with Daley for leaving them in the dark while he focuses on locking in another achievement for his legacy, it appears that the mayor isn’t quite ready to accept all the responsibility for this crusade just yet—although he is perfectly willing to question the patriotism of all who oppose it:

“If they want to be against it, fine—they can be against it,” he said. “This is not Mayor Daley’s idea. Let’s forget that. This is not Mayor Daley’s idea. This is not Mayor Daley’s plan. We went though a whole process several years ago with the U.S. Olympic Committee, and we got strong support, and we were the finalists—they selected Chicago on behalf of the United States of America. We represent the United States of America—not just Chicago… . If they oppose it, I have no problem with that.”

Nothing illicits groans from us more assuredly than those who use the symbolic nature of national spirit as some sort of explanation to a problem that is vastly more complex.

To see that Mayor Daley has now decided to run with the notion that he’s championing a cause not just for his city’s well-being, but to the benefit of the entire United States, is maddening to say the least. Chicagoans, you might say, have a number of other more relevant priorities for their tax dollars.

But Daley doesn’t need to drape himself in a flag, because as long as he continues to talk out both sides of his mouth in regards to how in the world he plans to pay for this party, he’ll just be one good ol’ red, white and blue douchebag.




Douchebag of the Week (June 20-26) It takes a very special breed...

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 18:29:26 -0400

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Douchebag of the Week (June 20-26)

It takes a very special breed to be assaulted in public and somehow fail to earn sympathy, but perhaps this is the reason the term “drama queen” was invented. The moniker certainly fits for Perez Hilton, a.k.a. Mario Armando Lavandeira, the blogger who seemed to be riding high for being a fabulously gay “gossip gangsta” leading a homosexual witch hunt and occasionally costing Christians a chance at Miss USA pageants.

But last week, Hilton’s charm began evaporating after a June 22 altercation with the entourage of the Black Eyed Peas in Toronto. While there was some immediate suspicion about the whole episode being a pathetic publicity stunt (in times of great distress, Perez obviously believes tweeting is preferrable to dialing 911), Hilton rather quickly managed to prove just how much deeper a hole he could dig himself into.

Hilton’s video “statement” was so laughable it even inspired somebody to give Breckin Meyer work again for a spoof, but perhaps more telling was the demand from the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) for the openly gay blogger to apologize for calling Will.I.Am a “faggot.”

“I am saddened GLAAD chose to victimize me further by criticizing me for how I non-violently dealt with a very scary situation that, unfortunately, turned violent,” Hilton originally said in response. Even Kelly Clarkson didn’t feel sorry for him.

But when he did decide to turn around and take GLAAD up on the apology suggestion, lo and behold, Perez suddenly found himself being asked to apologize once again.

So what’s the net gain for Hilton? Well, considering he’d just launched a new site less than a week before all the hype began (what a coincidence!), it appears that the numbers for the month of June have been pretty staggering—even if his actions did cost him, by some estimates, nearly 1 million followers on Twitter.

Since Hilton has long held the belief that he his helping civil rights by outing celebrities with the help of Microsoft Paint, we feel that we should logically follow suit and help mankind by outing Lavandeira for the megalomaniacal, self-absorbed douchebag he truly is.




Douchebag of the Week (June 13-19) It seems Juan Williams has...

Sat, 27 Jun 2009 21:49:39 -0400

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Douchebag of the Week (June 13-19)

It seems Juan Williams has been having a little bit of an identity crisis, but his latest appearance on the June 15 O'Reilly Factor should simplify the matter. Instead of wondering what to replace his former NPR affiliation with when Williams is likening the struggles of the anti-abortion crowd to the plight of the civil rights movement, we proudly offer our new, no-spin suggested title of Bill O'Reilly’s personal douchebag.




Douchebags of the Week (June 6-12) Sweet niblets, Miley Cyrus...

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 12:14:09 -0400

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Douchebags of the Week (June 6-12)

Sweet niblets, Miley Cyrus fans! With the help of her trusted handlers, Miley is to hopefully mature and crossover from her Hannah Montana fame to an assuredly older, even larger audience—she’s just not going to do it by growing up and answering any questions her handlers have not already pre-approved, of course.

Last Friday, Miley and her PR team pulled a double-whammy—hanging up on the MJ Morning Show after a question about something Jamie Foxx said, and then there was the eerie computerized voice that responded on Miley’s behalf when the tweenster was being asked about how often she actually sees her own bank account during a segment on KLUC in Las Vegas.

Excuse us, Miley, but weren’t you just telling Parade how much you “love the challenges” in your life?

Well, then you’re going to love the one you’ve got right now. Because as long as you continue to do interviews where you never get a question you don’t already have an answer to—or bail on the ones in which you get asked anything mildly unexpected—then you are allowing your career to be managed by douchebags. And by continuing to be marionette to their manipulator, you forever risk becoming one of them.




Douchebags of the Week (May 30-June 5) As AntiKris put it: I am...

Wed, 10 Jun 2009 16:28:00 -0400

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Douchebags of the Week (May 30-June 5)

As AntiKris put it:

I am sick of looking at these two….and their litter.  Why do we care?  Why are these victims of really bad haircuts and a clown car vagina something newsworthy?

Your editors here at LOL couldn’t agree more and want to finally call end to the tiring ritual of quietly nominating either one of these obvious perpetual douchebags any longer. So if you’d like to debate whether Jon or Kate is the bigger and more horrifying of the pair, go right ahead. To us, if the Octomom is getting more attention via the reality show, then humanity is better served by no longer mentioning this show or its stars at all.

We certainly hope that as many of the “Plus 8” as possible can avoid the hereditary form of the disease and eventually call out their parents for—and not, hopefully, continue to bask in—a childhood built upon exploitation.




nedhepburn: this guy is so rad. look at him. he is the...

Wed, 03 Jun 2009 19:24:08 -0400

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nedhepburn:

this guy is so rad. look at him. he is the definition of what a 7 year old kid thinks is cool. he literally sprang from that kids imagination and appears before us.

look at dude drinking out of a straw in the background. straws are tragic. straws are cool only in coke bottles and you’re leaning against a wall.




Douchebag of the Week (May 23-29) Is it 2011 yet? We’ll...

Tue, 02 Jun 2009 15:38:00 -0400

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Douchebag of the Week (May 23-29)

Is it 2011 yet? We’ll leave the open calls for sending a man to an early grave in the hands of Fox News, but perhaps Roland Burris could do all of us a favor and not worry about adding more time in the U.S. Senate to that list of achievements at the mausoleum he’s already constructed for himself. If he took the time to actually consider the people he’s supposedly representing, he could etch “2009” in as the conclusion to one very sorry episode that got even sorrier last week.

Federal wiretaps released on Tuesday revealed Burris more or less begging the brother of Illinois’ first impeached governor for the Senate appointment. Burris’ excuse?:

Sen. Roland Burris (D-Ill.) said Wednesday that his comments about donating money to then-Gov. Rod R. Blagojevich’s campaign fund in November were intended only to “placate” the governor’s brother and keep Burris’ Senate prospects alive.

Oh, right. Placating, of course. Only to Roland Burris could it possibly make sense that his actions didn’t constitute an ethical violation because he was lying.

While the Republicans don’t have the muscle and the Democrats don’t have the spine to ouster Burris, it’s discouraging all the same that nobody can manage to do what Burris should have done quite some time ago and rid the nation’s capital of one more douchebag.