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Contact Church Signs I’ve Written Comedy Sketches I’ve Written Jokes and other things I’ve Written Me Doing Standup



 



MOVIE OF THE DAYMedium Cool1969written & directed by Haskell...

Sun, 10 Dec 2017 12:01:37 -0800

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MOVIE OF THE DAY

Medium Cool

1969

written & directed by Haskell Wexler

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A New Week, A New Batch Of Jokes

Fri, 08 Dec 2017 17:09:14 -0800

It’s like clockwork, I tells ya!


An attempt last week to implode the Pontiac Silverdome, the former home of the Detroit Lions, failed. Although the attempt to do the same to the city of Detroit since 1980 seems to have been pulled off with aplomb.


Pink says she’s raising her child to be gender neutral and also time neutral so hopefully the child will think it’s 2002 and still listen to her.


Iowa Senator Chuck Grassley justified the GOP tax bill by claiming that non-wealthy people just spend their money on “booze or women or movies.” He plans on spending his savings on more sensible, GOP-friendly things like lawn jockeys.


The 2018 Academy Awards will start a half hour earlier than they did the year before. Mostly so they have time to read a list of all the accused.


IKEA is giving out a total of 118 million dollars in Christmas bonuses to its employees. Although they’re labeling it a Christmas Flørbuk.


According to North Korean defectors, the country’s nuclear tests are causing deaths and deformities by spreading a “ghost disease.” “I’m on the case!” said an enthusiastic Jenny McCarthy.


Donald Trump said he would recognize the Israeli capital of Jerusalem, so Jerusalem is a blonde woman under the age of 32.


A new report claims Donald Trump’s typical order at McDonald’s consists of two Big Macs, two Fish-O-Filet sandwiches and a large chocolate milkshake. Hillary Clinton’s order at McDonald’s is still that they shouldn’t raise the minimum wage.


Former congressman Harold Ford Jr. has been fired by Morgan Stanley after an investigation into allegations of sexual harassment. They want their employees to stay focused on only dicking people over financially.


“Time” has named “Silence Breakers” who have spoken up about sexual harassment as its “Person of the Year.” So look forward to reading that cover story when you’re in a doctor’s office waiting room in March.


A new line of Hello Kitty wine has now been released. It’s being marketed to Sharon in accounts receivable and Roy Moore.


On Saturday President Trump attended the opening of the Mississippi Civil Rights Museum. He asked where he should install the Stonewall Jackson monument.




SONG OF THE DAY for southern CaliforniaR.E.M.“Burning Hell”1985

Fri, 08 Dec 2017 09:41:02 -0800

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SONG OF THE DAY for southern California

R.E.M.

“Burning Hell”

1985

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The Onion has been doing a funny parody series of seemingly...

Thu, 07 Dec 2017 13:53:59 -0800

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The Onion has been doing a funny parody series of seemingly every late night talk show and this one is my favorite so far. 




- Justices Sharply Divided in Gay Rights Case - The New York...

Wed, 06 Dec 2017 13:58:28 -0800

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Justices Sharply Divided in Gay Rights Case - The New York Times

I feel you, having to talk to your family is one of the worst things a person can go through. 










SONG OF THE DAYKurt Vile and Courtney Barnett“Let It Go”from the...

Wed, 06 Dec 2017 10:44:08 -0800

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SONG OF THE DAY

Kurt Vile and Courtney Barnett

“Let It Go”

from the 2017 album Lotta Sea Lice, another album from this year everyone is going apeshit for but I could kind of take or leave it

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SONG OF THE DAYProtomartyr“Here Is The Thing”from the 2017 album...

Tue, 05 Dec 2017 09:36:37 -0800

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SONG OF THE DAY

Protomartyr

“Here Is The Thing”

from the 2017 album Relatives In Descent

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Foreign Lobbyists Contributed More Than $4.5 Million to...

Mon, 04 Dec 2017 11:30:43 -0800

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Foreign Lobbyists Contributed More Than $4.5 Million to Candidates in 2016 Elections - IB Times

The Podesta Group secured a $120,000-per-quarter contract to represent 7-year-old South Sudan, where the United Nations says 80 percent of the people earn less than $1 per day. The lobbyists have advised the young republic and represented them to the press, attempting to paint the government in a positive light, particularly around the anniversaries of the bloody civil war that has seen both government and opposition forces target specific ethnic groups.