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Copyright: Copyright 2017, Situation Publishing

Fan of FBI cosplay? Enjoy freaking out your neighbors? Have we got the eBay auction for you

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 23:28:12 GMT

Get this retired surveillance van for all your totally legitimate above-board activities

A rather unusual auction on eBay could appeal to aspiring spies and X‑Files fantasists alike.…

The Italian Jobs: Bloke thrown in the cooler for touting Apple knockoffs

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 22:14:00 GMT

Feds made Naples man an offer he can't refuse

A scammer who imported fake iPods, iPads, iPhones, and Sony hardware worth $15m into America was today sent down for 37 months.…

Intel is upset that Qualcomm is treating it like Intel treated AMD for years and years

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 21:55:44 GMT

Chipzilla takes number, joins queue to kick Snapdragon biz in the ball arrays

Intel has backed Apple in the iGiant's almighty scrap with Qualcomm – which is trying to ban sales of iPhones and iPads in America.…

DeepMind says it's given AI an imagination. Let's take a closer look at that

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 21:06:15 GMT

Google's machine-learning gurus see promise in simulated creativity

Google's AI boutique, DeepMind, known for dispelling human delusions of intellectual superiority by soundly beating the world's top Go players with computer code, has found that instilling its software agents with something like imagination helps them learn better.…

China censors drop the soap operas, sitcoms

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 20:29:29 GMT

That's the bad news. The good news is they've banned Bieber, too

Analysis A disturbing trend toward ever-greater censorship in China has seemingly crossed a line with the banning and blocking... well, fun, basically.…

Andy Rubin's overhyped and underdelivered Essential phone out 'in a few weeks'

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 19:38:12 GMT

At this point does anyone still care?

After months of hype and missed deadlines, it seems as though Andy Rubin's new smartphone might actually make it onto the market.…

Silicon Valley IT biz boss cops to lying about Cisco H-1B jobs

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 19:13:52 GMT

Consulting firm fibbed about hirings to import more workers

The owner of a Silicon Valley tech consulting biz has pled guilty to making up job offers in order to obtain US H-1B visas for overseas workers.…

Google, Amazon, Apple, Facebook blow massive amounts lobbying Trump administration

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 18:32:27 GMT

You know what they say: Money makes the world go round

Google, Amazon, Facebook and Apple are finding the Trump Administration a very expensive prospect, at least according to their newly released lobbying figures.…

Pull on yer wellies and let's wade through the week's storage news

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 15:04:07 GMT

But Muuuuuum...

A mudslide of storage news has mired Vulture Central and we're up to our waists in it. Alas, this seems to be becoming a weekly occurrence. We waded through it, sorted it out, tidied it up, and mopped the floors.…

Legal boffins poke holes in EU lawmaker's ePrivacy proposals

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 14:08:08 GMT

Recommend amendments on privacy, tracking and encryption

The European Commission's proposed ePrivacy law needs significant amendments, particularly on location tracking and keeping people's communications confidential, according to an in-depth study.…

What is this – some kind of flashy, 3-bit consumer SSD? Eh, Seagate?

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 13:27:08 GMT

Nytro new PC disk replacement line of SSDs

Seagate has a new line of Nytro consumer SSDs coming using 3-bits/cell flash.…

But how does our ransomware make you feel?

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 12:58:08 GMT

Psychology of ransomware threats unpicked

Ransomware crooks have become skilled psychological manipulators in their attempts to fleece victims of file-encrypting malware.…

Why you'll never make really big money as an AI dev

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 12:23:10 GMT

Artificial Intelligence? How the future was back in the '80s

Among the stupider things I said in the 1980s was a comment about Artificial Intelligence, including neural nets - or perceptrons as we called them back then - saying we needed "maybe a processor that worked at a hundred megahertz and literally gigabytes of storage".…

I've got a verbal govt contract for Hyperloop, claims His Muskiness

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 12:04:12 GMT

World+dog: Oh no you haven't!

The world's best business self-publicist since Richard Branson reckons he has been given a "verbal contract" to build an unrealistic high-speed tube train system across America.…

Vodafone reports sliding revenues but customers don't hate them as much

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 11:38:12 GMT

And India still a mighty struggle

Vodafone's UK reputation is improving thanks to network improvements, the company said, pointing to a higher net promoter score as it revealed its results today.…

Dump X of your crew, DXC Technologies UK told. Hundreds face axe AGAIN

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 11:26:11 GMT

'Please stop leaking info to The Reg,' says UK boss

Exclusive Less than four months after DXC Technologies was created and the Frankenfirm is already embarking on a second round of jobs cuts, with hundreds of frontline support techies earmarked for the chop.…

Shut up and take my money! AI luminaries go gooey for Graphcore's smart chip tech

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 11:03:08 GMT

Investors shove another $30m into Bristolian startup's mitts

Bristolian AI chip startup Graphcore has had a fast B-round 12 months after its $32m A-round funding was first revealed.…

Volterman 'super wallet': The worst crowdsource video pitch of all time?

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 10:29:06 GMT

The cringe is strong with this one

Do you need a "smart" wallet with a built in front-facing camera and GPS? Of course you don't. Not even with a built-in Wi-Fi hotspot? Well, enough people do to make a success of an Indiegogo project promising just that.…

Virgin Media broadband latency headaches still not fixed six months on

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 09:58:13 GMT

Promises firmware fix for superhub 3/Intel's Puma 6 'shortly'

Latency issues with Intel's Puma 6, used in gigabit broadband modems, have yet to be resolved for Virgin Media customers using the UK company's superhub 3.…

Reg reader turns Geek's Guides to Britain into Geek's Map of Britain

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 09:27:10 GMT

Too lazy to plug GPS co-ords into satnav? Fear not, gypsythief has saved you

A forward-thinking Reg reader has put the entirety of our Geeks’ Guide series onto a Google Map, for your navigational and geographically organised reading pleasure.…

Ten new tech terms I learnt this summer: Do you know them all?

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 09:11:08 GMT

Let's assume you've already heard of 'clickbait headline'

Something for the Weekend, Sir? I'll never forget the day I found my children looking at Spam for the first time. My son was particularly perplexed, asking: "Is that what I think it is?"…

You can't DevOps everything, kids. Off the shelf kit especially

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 08:34:29 GMT

Waterfalling for the, er, 'boring' stuff

Comment Hey, psst. Come over here, I have a secret to tell you. My fellow DevOps hoodwinkers would cement-shoe me for saying so, but you don't always need to do the DevOps. In fact, in many cases, it's likely a waste of effort. Let's start walking this way, briskly, now – I think I see some pink and chromatic blue fade-tipped Thought Lords and Ladies coming down the hallway towards us. They look like they're ready to do a blameful pre-mortem.…

The lady (or man) vanishes: The thorny issue of GDPR coding

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 08:03:13 GMT

The Devil is in the enhanced data model

Europe's General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR) is now less than a year away, coming into effect in May 2018, and any legal or compliance department worth its salary should already have been making waves about what it means for your organisation.…

User filed fake trouble tickets to take helpful sysadmin to lunches

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 07:33:09 GMT

Reg reader was shouted at for a problem the customer created, but won his respect and apologies

On-Call Hey, hey, it's Friday! Which means frolicsome weekend fun is just a day away … if you can survive work and this week's instalment of On-Call, The Register's weekly column in which we recount readers stories of jobs gone weird.…

Boffins back bubbles for better bonding with beautiful belongings

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 07:01:13 GMT

AKA how to watermark 3D printed stuff with air bubbles

To mark and track 3D printed objects, boffins propose injecting them with air.…

Q. What's today's top language? A. Python... no, wait, Java... no, C

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 06:29:12 GMT

Just learn them all and stop worrying about the popularity contest

Among developers, Python is the most popular programming language, followed by C, Java, C++, and JavaScript; among employers, Java is the most sought after, followed by C, Python, C++, and JavaScript.…

Burglary, robbery, kidnapping and a shoot-out over… a domain name?!

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 06:02:11 GMT

When transfers go really, really wrong, allegedly

A home break-in that resulted in two men being shot – one of whom was later charged with burglary, robbery and kidnapping – was the result of a domain name dispute, cops have said.…

Moneysupermarket fined £80,000 for spamming seven million customers

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 05:32:05 GMT

Go compare the original opt-out request, firm told

Price-comparison darling has been fined £80,000 for sending 7.1 million emails to customers who had opted out of receiving direct marketing emails.…

Authorities go hard on coffee maker for stiff Viagra-powered brew

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 05:03:11 GMT

Is that a DIMM in your pocket or have you been at this banned bean again?

How's this for a stiff one to start the day? We now go live to America, where watchdogs have recalled a batch of coffee for containing an active ingredient very similar to Viagra.…

Microsoft finally allows hosted desktops on multi-tenant hardware

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 04:02:09 GMT

Windows 10 enterprise licences to gain virtualization rights, plus roaming to personal devices

Microsoft's dispensed with a licensing oddity that saw it prohibit hosted virtual desktops running on multi-tenanted hardware.…

Bluetooth makes a mesh of itself with new spec

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 02:58:07 GMT

Up to 32,000 nodes without routers in the middle and battery life measured in years

The Bluetooth Special Interest Group has released the spec for Bluetooth Mesh, a many-to-many extension of the technology.…

ServiceNow stops over in Jakarta in its journey to AI-land

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 02:04:06 GMT

SaaS-y business process simplifier adds security chat rooms, cloud management and more to new release

ServiceNow's Jakarta release went live on Thursday, bringing with it plenty of new toys for IT departments and hints of artificially intelligent things to come.…

They say we're too mean to Microsoft. Well, how about this... Redmond just had a stonking year. And only 8% tax. Whee!

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 00:58:48 GMT

Paid -17% tax rate for Q4 despite making $72m every day

In its final quarter of its fiscal 2017, Microsoft more than doubled its profits, saw massive cloud growth, and managed to get a rebate from US taxpayers at the same time.…

So, FCC, how about that massive DDoS? Hello? Hello...? You still there?

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 22:27:12 GMT

Like trying to get blood out of a stone

Updated America's broadband watchdog, the FCC, has declined to share any more details on the cyber-assault that apparently downed its website shortly after it announced its intent to kill net neutrality.…

US Homeland Sec boss has snazzy new laptop bomb scanning tech – but admits he doesn't know what it's called

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 22:01:03 GMT

Fscking nerds, Secretary John Kelly sighs

Flying into America? Don't worry about that crackdown on laptops and similar gear in your carry-on luggage. It's no longer happening. No, instead, the US has something else up its sleeve.…

Alphabay shutdown: Bad boys, bad boys, what you gonna do? Not use your Hotmail...

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 20:28:44 GMT

...or the Feds will get you ♪

Analysis The alleged owner of dark-web marketplace AlphaBay was tracked down by FBI because he was stupid enough to include his real Hotmail address in the content management system used to run the site.…

Death to strap-ons, says Intel, yet thrusts its little AI stick into us all

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 20:14:58 GMT

Behold, the neural network gizmo Chipzilla will quietly kill in two years, like its wearables

Intel, having accepted the inevitable, has dropped out of the wearables and fitness band game, and canned the teams working on that strap-on tech.…

Second one this month: Another code bootcamp decamps to graveyard

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 19:48:32 GMT

'Unable to find a sustainable model' complains crashed programming crash course

The Iron Yard, a four-year-old coding bootcamp based in South Carolina, USA, said on Thursday that it is shutting its doors.…

UK uni warns students of phishers trying to nick their tuition fees

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 19:18:10 GMT

♪ You shall have a phishy on a little dishy when the hack comes in

Foreign students looking to experience the stochastic joys of a year at Newcastle University in England are being warned that phishers are after their cash – using an unusually well-crafted attack.…

Huawei reckons it can strong ARM its way into AI world with new chips

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 18:32:20 GMT

We're assuming Chinese giant will use ARM in ML processors. It probably will, right?

Chinese systems colossus Huawei claims it is developing chips optimized for artificial-intelligence tasks.…

Toshiba's spat with WDC over chip biz is now a song of strife and ire

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 16:33:45 GMT

Court orders only prolong bid process, and winter is coming

Toshiba regained a right to lock WDC (SanDisk) employees from their joint-venture fab in Yokkaichi, Japan, reversing WDC's court-obtained Temporary Restraining Order, which was won earlier this month.…

White boxer is a white racker: Supermicro touts Rack Scale Design

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 16:04:08 GMT

VBlock-like converged systems

Building servers, switches and storage are a good racket for ODM Supermicro but building Vblock-like rack scale systems is an even better one.…

Cops harpoon two dark net whales in megabust: AlphaBay and Hansa

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 15:38:23 GMT

Tor won't shield you, warn Feds

Two of the largest dark net marketplaces - AlphaBay and Hansa - have been shut down following an international police operation.…

Just look at our cloud sales, beams profit-sapped SAP

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 15:17:12 GMT

Boost to 2017 cloud guidance as revenue rises 29%

SAP has reported revenues of €5.8bn in the quarter ending June 30, up 10 per cent on the previous year’s figure.…

The eyes have IT: TSB to roll out iris-scanning tech for mobile banking

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 14:56:06 GMT

Biometrics, certificates combo to shore up security

TSB has announced plans to roll out iris-scanning technology for its mobile banking app from September.…

Uber, Twitter's legal eagles gather to wring claws about bro culture

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 14:31:08 GMT

Time to expand the brocabulary

Lawyers from Uber and Twitter spoke about ways to curb "bro culture" in the male-dominated world of Silicon Valley at an annual judicial conference this week.…

UK households hit by 1.8m computer misuse offences in a year

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 14:02:12 GMT

Stats show few report such crimes to cops

The number of incidents of computer misuse in England and Wales reached 1.8 million in the year up to March 2015, according to official crime statistics released today.…

NHS trusts splashed £260m on PCs in last four years

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 13:28:32 GMT

Obviously not enough to stop Wannacry...

In the last four years, NHS Trusts have spent £260m on 401,084 new PCs, at an average cost of £650.54 a box, according to Freedom of Information responses.…

This is why old Windows Phones won't run PC apps

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 12:53:54 GMT

The Tale of the Left Behind

Thanks to Qualcomm, x86 support is coming to Windows 10 ARM phones and tablets - but not to older Lumia devices. In a webcast, Joe Belfiore, these days the corporate VP in the OS Group at Microsoft, has explained why.…

'Coke dealer' called us after his stash was stolen – cops

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 12:37:16 GMT

Sir, what is your occupation? Um, what?

A man called the cops to report that cash and a bag of Colombian marching powder stashed in his car had been nicked, police arrest documents have revealed.…