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Updated: 2017-01-17T01:24:34+00:00


Deaf Sex


Two deaf people get married and during the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom with the lights out since they can't see each other signing, or read lips. After several nights of fumbling around and many misunderstandings, the wife figures out a solution. She writes a note to her husband: 'Honey, Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast two times. The husband thinks this is a great idea. He writes back to his wife That if she wants to have sex with him, reach over and pull on his penis one time. If she doesn't want to have sex, pull on his penis two hundred and fifty times.

submitted by /u/funkycartoons to /r/Jokes
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LPT: How to mute the gas pump.


If your gas pump has one of those screens that blares sports center at you, there's an unlabeled mute button here.

EDIT: Thanks for the gold! I think I've stumbled into some kind of suppressed Jimmy Fallon hatred.

submitted by /u/mrbibs350 to /r/LifeProTips
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Don't buy textbooks at College/University


After completing my 4 year degree, I purchased 4 books in semester one. I realised throughout the semester that I'd used the books maybe 3-4 times (typical student). The cost of the books, $300, didn't seem feasible. I looked into other avenues and found that the library has most books available for short (3-7 day loan). You can also scan a certain number of pages (I think it could be 10% - I'm in Australia - check this to ensure you aren't doing it illegally) and just scan the select few you need at the time. I did this successfully throughout my degree and found it rather easy and no major effort at all!

By doing this, I spent approximately $50-100 for my remaining 7 semesters. In comparison, my colleagues spent $2500-3000 for the same educative experience.

For those books that you absolutely need, either borrow from a friend, or buy second hand. You can save hundreds, if not thousands this way also!

TL;DR - Books expensive. Borrow from library. Paid $300 buying books Sem 1. Spent $50-100 for remaining 7 semesters through borrowing/scanning pages I needed (see above for legal issues - unsure if countries have different laws). Colleagues spent $2500-3000 over the four years in comparison.

submitted by /u/Shaunzki to /r/personalfinance
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