Last Build Date: Sun, 24 Oct 2010 06:00:39 -0600Copyright: Copyright 2012
Sun, 24 Oct 2010 06:00:39 -0600Hey ladies and degenerates!!!! I’m doing this week’s picks like Old Man Favre: Just quick pics of my junk sent direct. I AGREE WITH YOU BLONDIE..... (image) YOU SHOULDN'T IGNORE THE OBVIOUS. CLEVELAND BROWNS @ NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (-14) 14 is 2 TDs and 2 extra points. That is also the almost exact number of points the Browns are averaging this year per game. They are @ss. Let me repeat that. They are @ss. The Saints, on the other hand, are the defending Superbowl champs and playing at home. Final Score: Browns 10 Saints 30 (image) ANYONE WITH THE INTERNET KNOWS TO GO WITH THIS UNDA!!! WASHINGTON REDSKINS @CHICAGO BEARS (UNDA 40) The Washington Redskins have been off the mark in the passing game all year. The Chicago Bears can’t give Jay Cutler more than a 1 step drop before he gets dumped on his head. Oh, it’s also probably going to be raining. This all means run, run, run, at least if Lovie Smith wants to keep his job. Quick, ugly, sloppy game, and easy unda. Final Score: Redskins 14 Bears 17
Sun, 19 Sep 2010 06:38:35 -0600Just like my girl Jarah... ...have a smile on your face, it's MFin Sunday Funday! Before we roll to Da Yeker's picks, I should tell you one thing. HAIL TO THE CHIEFS! Anytime Greggy G invests his Amsterdam money against his favorite QB (Seneca MFin Wallace), you know you should jump on board. CHIEFS MONEYLINE (+140) FOR ME! And with that... ...just like my girl says, Less Talk more Picks! SUNDAY FUNDAY PICKS FROM DA YEKER! Hey playas!!! If you followed Da Yeker in Week 1 you came out with a few ducats in your pocket to put towards the purchase of a new Kia Spectra. But that’s not good enough for Da Yeker. I want make it so you can roll like a Forte father, marry the one you want and kick out kids with the ex. Here are the plays that will get you on Maury in no time. Don't let him fool you...he's gonna be huge today! BALTIMORE RAY RAYS @ CINNCY BENGALS (+3) Two words: Home Dog. Those are two of the most important words for degenerates to remember. Probably, second only to “I’m wasted” from the girl next to you at a ladies night. The Ravens won an emotional one on Monday night and Batman Owens and Robin Ocho Cinco suffered a beat down at the hands of pretty, pretty Tom Brady. I guarantee Cincy used the extra day of practice to scheme up ways at the very least to keep it close to the Joe Flacco, Delaware’s finest, lead Ravens O. Final Score: RAY RAYS 20 BENGALS 28 Unlike our bad girl, our Ravens bad-boy ain't winning today! OMAR EPPS STEELERS @ PORN STAR STACHE TITANS (+5.5) (Ova 37) Both teams were big winners in Week 1 with the Titans recreating against the Raiders and the Steelers playing the little engine that could against the Falcons. The Steelers are living on borrowed time with Rothliesbig@assname still suspended for….for… well being a big@sshole. Look for Chris Johnson to run all over the 3-4 the crew from the Pitt are going to try to throw up. Frick, he might get 37 on his own. Final Score: STEELERS 14 TITANS 30 I'd rather blow a dude than watch this game...ok, maybe not ST. LOUIS RAMS @ OAKLAND RAIDERS (OVA 38) Yes you read that right, I am telling you to bet that both the Raiders and the Rams can put up at 38 points. Am I sniffing glue? Yes. But that’s not affecting my decision. Both teams Ds are banged up with the Rams having 6 on the Injury List and the Raiders having 7 on that same list, except in Oakland they call it “I don’t really feel like playing football this week because I play for the Raiders” List. Look for Emperor Palpatine lord over an offensive Dethstar explosion between the two teams. Final Score: RAMS 20 RAIDERS 24 I don't think it's a stretch to see a Pats blowout! NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (-3) @ NEW YORK JETS Did you see Mark Sanchez play Monday night? Did you see Tom Brady play Sunday? All the experts I read this week said the Jets O needs to open it up this week. With Sanchez at QB, they need to add “to an @ss whupin” to the end of that advice. The Jets also lost NT Kris Jenkins who was the anchor of their defense and have been inundated with press scrutiny over Locker Room Gate. BTW, I totally believe it’s a cultural thing with the way the Mexican TV reporter Inez Sainz dressed to go into the locker room. I’m going to celebrate that tradition by wearing nothing but sombrero while watching this game on Sunday. Final Score: PATS 40 JETS 13 [...]
Sun, 12 Sep 2010 06:49:32 -0600***With Greggy G still in Witness Protection, his protege Da Yeker will be running the show...but just in case you were curious, Mr. Gamble loves the Bengals (+5)! Watch as these two Divas start-out Greggy G undefeated! SUNDAY FUNDAY SELECTIONS FROM DA YEKER After last year’s performance, Da Yeker locked himself up in his hovel like the Lohan in the LA County pokie, where I’m sure she got plenty of that. All I did for the spring and summer was play NFL films on a continuous loop and practice talking like Ocho Cinco. I now piss excellence. Seriously, my only friends these last few months have been Ukrainian chat girls looking for an Americanski husband. Silly girls don’t know they no the way to my heart is not through borscht but breaking down the inferiority of a 3-4 in a rain storm. It’s Week 1 in the NFL, and Week 1 sounds a lot like weak lines, which is what I’m here to break down for all my degenerates out there. Read up like its Ms. Homan’s 1st period! Just like our friends here, the Dolphins will look just as sweet outside of Miami! MIAMI DOLPHINS (-3) @ BUFFALO BILLS C.J. Spiller. Let me repeat that, C.J. Spiller. That’s the entire Bills roster that’s qualified to play NFL football. The GM for the Bills was wrong last year about people wanting to coach his team. Most people would rather coach the Raiders over that collection of NFL Punt Pass and Kick talent. Here’s my rhyme reminder for the memory deficient: Bills got no skillz. Remember it all year long. Final Score: Dolphins 24 Bills 10 CINCY BENGALS @ NE PATRIOTS (Ova 45) In Week 1, just like my boy Tom Bunchen Brady is at banging hot model actresses, O has all the luck. (BTW did you check out Brady’s hair this week, he’s got a mane that looks like da Yeker’s. No wonder he walked away from his car crash unscathed). The only hiccup to this rule is if a team’s O did not click in the preseason. Both of these teams looked like machines in their mandatory scrimmages. Expect more of the same this week. Final Score: Bengals 27 Patriots 35 Not much work needed for this Ova! OAKLAND RAIDERS @ TENNESSEE TITANS (Ova 40.5) Rewind my statements from above. And, I know what you’re saying the Raiders can’t score. Oh but on the contrary, their new upgrade at QB Jason Campbell, downgraded from the Redskins, will give them a solid 10 pts per game average this year. That’s 10 points of Black Hole Thunder. Hey, that’s the name of one my favorite movies. Final Score: Raiders 14 Titans 30 DENVER ORTONS (+3) @ JAX JAGUARS This is exactly the type of game you look for in Week 1. Both teams are evenly matched with one team willing to run it more and one wanting to pass it more. Remember boys and degenerates this is the modern NFL where passing equals winning and running equals quick games. The Jags CB Aaron Kampman is also playing his 1st game with a surgically repaired knee. Look for a close game where taking points will guarantee an ATS win. Final Score: Ortons 23 Jags 21 I wonder if Iron Mike was wearing these when he last gave his Pant's Droppin' motivational speech? SAN FRAN PANT'S DROPPERS (-3) @ USC SEAHAWKS It’s a conference showdown Week 1. The team that wins it, will be the one that understands the importance of that. The team that knows that is the one whose coach emphasizes it. Let’s look at the coaches: LA fly by night, buy better talent Carroll or Drop my pants, show my ass to grow men Singletary. I’m choosing the later. Plus expect Patrick Willis to dump old, baldy Hassellbeck on his head like at least 2 times. Final Score: Pants Droppers 28 Seahawks 17 Sunday Funday is back Homeboys... ...and hopefully Greggy G joins the party again soon! [...]
Sun, 29 Nov 2009 10:45:35 -0600GREG GAMBLE'S 2009-10 PIGSKIN Picks: 14-9 ats...61% NFL 13-3 - NCAA 1-5 - Teasers 0-1 - Lovely Ladies: 69-0 GREG GAMBLE’S 2008-09 PIGSKIN Picks: 68-44 ats...61% NFL 28-19 - NCAA 20-15 - Teasers 20-10 - Lovely Ladies 69-0 Attention Degenerate Gamblers! Time to call your guy cause... ...Dennis Dixon doesn't look as scary outside of Eugene, OR! PITTSBURGH STEELERS @ BALTIMORE RAVENS (-8) Do I really need to explain how desperate the Ravens are and how overwhelmed Mr. Dixon will be on Sunday Night...seriously, I'm hitting my NFL picks on an 81% clip so just chalk this up as a victory! Final Score: STEELERS 13 RAVENS 27 Oh...btw, I totally believe Tiger never slept with this chick... ...and I'm confident his wife bashed the SUV windows with a golf club to save his life from an accident in his driveway! AND NOW, FROM MY HOMEBOY THE YEKER!!! I know Da Yeker has been creating hate mail messages for Greg Gamble throughout the season, but don’t worry playas as I’m still at 500 and looking to dominate this week. Nothing can stop me after gaining inspiration from my roots in watching another great Bayou Classic followed up with a 16 hour marathon session of BCFX on the 360. Man, Da Yeker was born to be a drumline major. FAMU Rattlers strike. Here are my Doug Williams mentored picks of the week: She's looking for an actually ATS winner from Da Yeker! SEATLLE SEAHAWKS (-4) @ ST. LOUIS RAMS Da Yeker may be calling a prediction for this game, but he also highly recommends not watching it since it will most likely result in permanent loss of NFL enjoyment. This game is another tale of injuries as the Rams will be racked with serious ones this week: QB Marc Bulger Out to be replaced by Kyle Boller, RB Steven Jackson a Questionable game time decision, FB Mike Karney Questionable, and 2 starting OLs extremely Questionable. The Rams have shown improvement since their Bye by getting their running attack up to speed. With that list of injuries above, however, look for it to be shifting into reverse for at least this game. The Seahawks might be only playing for pride now, but they are playing for the 1st time this season with all 53 men on their active roster available. Final Score: SEAHAWKS 24 RAMS 13 While the home whites are nice, Da Yeker likes Carolina on the road! CAROLINA PANTHERS (+3) @ NEW YORK JETS Da Yeker gets 3 free points in a game that’s going to be a match-up of who runs the ball better, the opposing team will be starting Mark Dirty Sanchez who likes to throw interceptions, and an extremely underrated, athletic Panthers secondary. No more analysis needed. Final Score: PANTHERS 24 RAMS 17 For some reason this reminds me of Mangino... ...kinda looks like a man, but is a complete bitich! CLEVELAND BROWNS @ CINCINNATI BENGALS (-14) It’s a battle for Ohio with two polar opposites playing in it. The Browns are awful with a head coach that is nearly not allowed at practices anymore for fear that the players will dump him on his head. They did finally find an offense last week by starting the Muscle Milkman Brady Quinn, but, most of those points were courtesy of an awful Lions D. The Bengals were playing well last week until they hit a road bump in the form of the Oakland Raiders. If the Bengals win this game, they will go undefeated in their Division, which pretty much will clench them a playoff berth. Look for their D lead by Dhani “Reality Star” Jones to step up big against an inferior Browns O. As for the possibility of the Yachtsman Ced Benson not playing this week, the Brown’ Shaun Rodgers is Questionable for the game having missed practice each day this week. Even if he plays, look for the Bengals RBs still to be able to take advantage of his injuries. Final Score: BROWNS 10 BENGALS 30 WASHINGTON RACIAL SLURS @ PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (-9) Chris Cooley Out, DeAngelo Hall Out, Clinton Portis Out, Albert Haynesworth Questionable (Did not play last week). If you see what I’m seeing, the Redskins most l[...]
Sun, 22 Nov 2009 10:00:38 -0600GREG GAMBLE'S 2009-10 PIGSKIN Picks: 13-9 ats...60% NFL 12-3 - NCAA 1-5 - Teasers 0-1 - Lovely Ladies: 69-0 GREG GAMBLE’S 2008-09 PIGSKIN Picks: 68-44 ats...61% NFL 28-19 - NCAA 20-15 - Teasers 20-10 - Lovely Ladies 69-0 While I like volleyball, my luv is made on the carpet! Btw, while I've been a Mike Crabtree lover for the last few years, the steal of the draft was Mr. Maclin from Mizzu! PHILLY EAGLES (-3) @ CHICAGO BEARS I'm rich this NFL season because I know when to bet against an overrated D and awful O-Line...and the aging, slow cats from my hometown have both. Oh yeah, their coaches and WRs suck too. Throw-in a must win game for the Eagles, and I'm not rollin' to the dollar menu with my girl tonight...we goin' Sizzler, we goin Sizzler! BTW, I like sandy feet and Picks from Da Yeker! and now... SUNDAY FUNDAY PICKS FROM DA YEKER No funny preamble this week. Just a note. Thanks Charlie Cheeseburger for giving annoying Notre Dame fans nothing to brag about over the last 4 years and providing the remainder of college football fandom years of needed silence. Just like our friend, the Bills margin for error is tight! BUFFALO BILLS @ JAXVILLE JAGUARS (-9) The Bills are 3-6 for on the year, their stuck playing their 2nd string QB, and just fired their head coach, Dick Jauron. In other words, it’s another typical Bills’ season. On the other hand, Jacksonville has moved their season into a winning one with a 5-4 record and into 2nd place in the AFC South. QB David Frenchname is also looking like he remembered that he was supposed to throw the ball for TDs instead of INTs. Look for the Jags to pound the Bills’ weak LB core with a healthy dose of Maurice Jones-Drew. Final Score: BILLS 10 JAUGUARS 28 Just like Peyton Manning dropping back, not much missing from perfection from this quality youngster! INDIANAPOLIS COLTS @ BALTIMORE RAVENS (OVA 44) While you always look twice at picking an OVA when the Baltimore Ravens D gets to play. The Ray Rays D , however , is not what it used to be, and this week it will be sans their number one pass rushing thug Terrell Suggs, injured Monday night with a cheap shot from Muscle Milkman Brady Quinn. While Indy’s offense sputtered at times last Sunday night, it still had enough to make Bill Hoodie Belichick scour in disgust. Last week’s win did come at A price with this week’s injury report having 3 DBs on it. 2 of which are definite outs. Baltimore should have enough O to easily put this game into the OVA column. Final Score: COLTS 30 RAVENS 24 Just like betting the ova when the Raiders are playing...sometimes sexy is hidden until you look closer! CINCINNATI BENGALS @ OAKLAND RAIDERS (OVA 36) 36 points. That’s all these 2 teams need to get. If the Bengals don’t do it by themselves, look for the woeful Raiders to kick in a few points themselves. Final Score: BENGALS 27 RAIDERS 14 Smile girlfriend...it's Sunday Funday! [...]
Sun, 15 Nov 2009 08:40:43 -0600GREG GAMBLE'S 2009-10 PIGSKIN Picks: 12-9 ats...57% NFL 11-3 - NCAA 1-5 - Teasers 0-1 - Lovely Ladies: 69-0 GREG GAMBLE’S 2008-09 PIGSKIN Picks: 68-44 ats...61% NFL 28-19 - NCAA 20-15 - Teasers 20-10 - Lovely Ladies 69-0 You know why she's smilin? She also got a free TD to watch... ...Mr. Garrard casually rolls into NY and win-outright! JAX JAGUARS (+7) @ NEW YORK JETS Just like your first prom date dive, not too many hairs to split between these two teams. The main difference, one has a veteran QB that's extremely consistent and underrated. The other has a mistake prone rookie who likes mustard on his weiner. Once again, this seems too easy this week...I'll take a free tuddie even though the Jags don't need it! Final Score: JAXVILLE 27 JETS 23 That's all for Greggy G...but luckily Da Yeker is here for more picks! SUNDAY FUNDAY PICK FROM DA YEKER As the weather starts to regress down the thermometer, so does Da Yeker into the hovel he calls home. Despite my hobbit like living, it only spells goodness for readers of the Plays, since all I do now is stare intently at injury reports and bootleg game tape I make with my cell phone camera at bars with the Ticket Package. Here’s what my shut in science has produced this week: While Vince has changed the the style, the fastest RB in the world is the biggest reason the Titans are winning again! Chris J...faster than a speeding bullet or a coed on a RV! BUFFALO BILLS @ TENNESSEE TITANS (-8) (Ova 41) It’s a battle of the not so good versus the even worse. If you asked me tell you which is which, I wouldn’t be able to do it. I do know that since their BYE the bearded Jeff Fisher’s Titans are playing similar to the team we saw last year, racking up 2 home wins in a row against bad teams in SF and Jax. The Bills are every bit as bad those teams. Both teams also are also allowing a combined average of 50 points in total scoring each week. Final Score: BILLS 21 TITANS 30 The Bengals getting a tuddie & Vegas thinking these two can't score more 10 pts a half...that's Misa in green good! CINCINNATI BENGALS (+7) @ PITTSBURGH STEELERS (OVA 41) The Steelers have been hitting on all cylinders since they scraped out a home win against the Minnesota Favres. Too bad those cylinders haven’t included a strong running game, which would have made their wins less close than they have been. The team that has been running like well oiled engine has been the striped ones from Porkopolis, the Bengals. They can run, throw, and play D. They suffered a big loss this week when Chris Henry went down for the season, but his replacement is named Maurice Purify. I cannot even wordsmith a better name than that. Whoever wins this game will only do it by a field goal, so give me the points Final Score: BENGALS 21 STEELERS 24 The Saints have a dangerous weapon at every single spot! ...and at this joint, the dangerous spot is at the Golden Tee machine! NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (-14) @ ST. LOUIS RAMS Oh man, man. I want to believe that the Rams used their BYE to scheme up a way to lose by only 13 this week. But, after the Saints nearly blew it against the Panthers last week, I know Sean Peyton will have his crew looking for blood this week in a dome game. Look for the Saints trip up the Mississippi to be an easy one this week. Final Score: SAINTS 36 RAMS 14 And in my opinion, with regards to the playoffs, this might be the MFin game of the day...don't u agree my pigskin friend? PHILADELPHIA EAGLES @ SAN DIEGO CHARGERS (-1) San Diego has been stringing together strong wins the past 3 weeks, with a stunning pull out against the Giants in NY last week. Philly looked slow, dumb, and confused in a terrible loss to Dallas last week. Their last trip out west was probably the most amazing loss of the year by any team when they let a wretched Raiders team make them look stupid in a 24 to 16 loss. Look for more of the same in this near pick’em[...]
Sat, 14 Nov 2009 08:11:41 -0600GREG GAMBLE'S 2009-10 PIGSKIN Picks: 12-8 ats...60% NFL 11-3 - NCAA 1-4 - Teasers 0-1 - Lovely Ladies: 69-0 GREG GAMBLE’S 2008-09 PIGSKIN Picks: 68-44 ats...61% NFL 28-19 - NCAA 20-15 - Teasers 20-10 - Lovely Ladies 69-0 (image) While we've been accustomed to greatness every time Trojans are under center... (image) ...with a young, developing QB and plenty of injuries at the skill positions, USC must lean on the D for victories! STANFORD CARDINALS @ #9 USC TROJANS (UNDA 57) Jimmy Harbaugh finally has the Cards relevant again in the Pac-10 by playing with the swagger of a High School squad on a state championship ride. That being said, they still don't have the bodies up-front to match a team like the Trojans, so look for Stanford to crowd the box on D, while keeping things short & simple on O to give RS Fr. Andrew Luck' a chance to gain some confidence. (image) While it's been a dream sr. season for one of the nations top & overused RBs, I expect USC to keep him under wraps! (image) ...cause it's all about containment Homeboys! Especially with the Trojans D starting to get their confidence back after getting blow-up for a few weeks, look for Pete Carroll to keep the crowd in a frenzy with plenty of pressure to rattle the Trees young QB. As for the Trojan offense, while their banged-up at key spots, the main reason I'm underwhelmed with their attack is I'm still not convinced the frail Fr. QB Matt Barkley (last week @ Az St: 7-22 112 yrds, Td, Int) is ever gonna be the real deal in College Hollywood. (image) And sometimes fellas, it just comes down to size! Especially with the size advantage USC has up-front and the injuries on the outside, look for a conservative approach to wear down the overachievers from Palo Alto. As a result, I'm guessing we see a field position battle for most of the day with USC gaining a few more points each quarter...which means I'm rolling with the UNDA Homeboys! Final Score: STANFORD 17 USC 27..aka THE MFin UNDA! Have a great Gameday my degenerate amigos... (image) ...and may the sun show you in a great light!
Thu, 12 Nov 2009 08:50:27 -0600GREG GAMBLE'S 2009-10 PIGSKIN Picks: 11-8 ats...58% NFL 10-3 - NCAA 1-4 - Teasers 0-1 - Lovely Ladies: 69-0 GREG GAMBLE’S 2008-09 PIGSKIN Picks: 68-44 ats...61% NFL 28-19 - NCAA 20-15 - Teasers 20-10 - Lovely Ladies 69-0 Samurai is back boys, but too bad it's on the wrong sideline! And unlike our friend here & Mr. Lovie Smith, Singletary still brings the passion with his eyes! CHICAGO BEARS @ SAN FRAN 49ERS (-3) While everyone from Da Bear beat-writers to the watering-hole wannabe GMs have bashed every aspect of the organization for more than a month, I’m amazed how many of these cats still thought Lovie Smith’s aging and talent-deprived squad had a legitimate shot on the Lakefront against Arizona. I guess they’re not that crazy since Vegas opened the best gambling line since David Spade’s was 456,542 to 1 to bag 10 of the top 100 chicks in America. When I saw the Bears open as a three point favorite last week, I took the entire week off to sell my girl’s shiznit at “Cash-4-Gold” and rummage through the sofa cushions for spare change. And today, I almost feel as confident as I did last week with the ineptness of my beloved pigskin squad. For all the Alex Smith bashing, I always think it's fair to give youngsters a few more chances! For all the nationwide jokes about Alex Smith as a starter on Sundays, I actually believe he’s a competent QB that can move in the pocket, can be extremely accurate when in rhythm, and knows he’ll be a permanent back-up if he continues to force the ball into the danger zones. Now I’m not saying he’s Dan Marino or Babe Laufenberg, but against a Bears D devoid of playmakers, look for the former Ute to distribute the ball to the numerous soft spots in Ron Rivera’s D (oh wait, we got rid of Rivera cause Lovie was jealous) while letting Frank Gore completely dominate between the hashes. While Frankie G can do damage even without a hole... ...he might be lucky enough to see running lanes like dis! Speaking of the running game, Da Bears D let Beanie Wells & Tim Hightower look like Sweetness & Neal Anderson last week, and coming off a short week and the depression that has set in on the season, how can you not expect Frankie G to have a fantasy day of the ages. In addition, I guarantee Chicago puts too much emphasis on finally stopping the run, not to mention TE Vernon Davis after his comments earlier this week, so look for Michael Crabtree & Josh Smith to introduce themselves to the nation with some big plays on the outside. What a great idea to let Rivera go...that really worked out! And just once Lovie, show me some passion in those eyes! As for the Bears on offense, does it really matter if your QB has star potential when the line can’t open a single hole for the running game and is loaded with #3 WRs and a TE that can’t block. Throw-in a coaching advantage for the 49ers where Samurai Mike continues to bring the passion and the players know he’ll back…while an emotionless Lovie Smith seems to have lost a squad that knows his days may be numbered. Wish I had better news for ya Bear fans, but this could get ugly again. Final Score: BEARS 13 49ERS 27 HAVE A GREAT THURSDAY NIGHT HOMEBOYS!!! [...]
Sun, 08 Nov 2009 06:23:47 -0600GREG GAMBLE'S 2009-10 PIGSKIN Picks: 10-8 ats...56% NFL 9-3 - NCAA 1-4 - Teasers 0-1 - Lovely Ladies: 69-0 GREG GAMBLE’S 2008-09 PIGSKIN Picks: 68-44 ats...61% NFL 28-19 - NCAA 20-15 - Teasers 20-10 - Lovely Ladies 69-0 Ur tellin me someone in da Bears secondary is gonna stop Larry? Cause just like our friend, Fitz's body of work is simply flawless! ARIZONA CARDS (+3) @ CHICAGO BEARS The Bears O-Line might be the worst in football, while their defense is extremely pedestrian. Throw-in an Arizona squad coming off on ugly home-loss, and I expect the Kurt Warner & Co. to light-up the scoreboard while the Chi-Town struggles to keep pace! Final Score: CARDS 31 BEARS 20 And Now... NFL SUNDAY FUNDAY PICKS FROM DA YEKER Da Yeker is on the road to SF in the NM this week to pick up some turquoise and marry off one of his long time and few friends (kinda what you get when you spend all day drinking Stoli, eating wings, and watching Al Toon’s greatest catches on DVD). If my picks seem better than usual, that’s just the added value that peyote brings. While Benson had some rough moments while in Chicago, I can't believe the grief he received for enjoying a boat ride! Cause anytime ur near the beach or water, good things can happen! Just an FYI, a good rule of thumb is to make sure your feet are not too sandy before jumping on a friend's boat! BALTIMORE RAVENS @ CINCINNATI BENGALS (+3) On paper, this game looks like it’s going to be as good to watch as Where the Boys Aren’t 4 was (Lived up and let down my hype). The teams are fairly evenly matched, with oddly the Bengals having the better ranked D and the Ray Rays having the better O. Baltimore is coming off a big win in handing the Denver Ortons their 1st lost of the season, and the Bengals are just getting off their double BYE week (I’m counting the Sunday they played the Bears as a non-workday). This will be a close game with harder hits than PacMan Jones at a Las Vegas strip club and an equal number of make it rain plays. When you see things line up for a tight game and there is a home dog, take the points. Final Score: RAVENS 24 BENGALS 23 She could be considered a Hot-lanta girl if those green tassels on her side were dolla bills and she had a tat on her neck! ...you know what I'm saying Roddy?! WASHINGTON REDSKINS @ ATLANTA STRIP CLUBS (-10) (OVA 41.5) The ‘Skins are competing to be one of the worst teams in football along with the Raiders and Browns. Both of those latter teams are on BYE this week, so I cannot choose against them (even though their starting teams will probably lose to the training squads in their practices). That leaves me with the opportunity to pick against the only team in the league with an offensive coordinator/head coach, Jim Zorn, who is not allowed to call his own plays. That responsibility goes to Sherm Lewis, who is only attempting that feat for the 2nd game in his career. The 1st was last week when the O only was able to put up 17 points against the Eagles. Atlanta is coming of a hard loss to their division rival, the Saints. They’re playing at home in the dome and need a win to keep in the playoff zone. Look for Atlanta to bust more end zone dance moves than Da Yeker did at his 1st Freakneck. Big shout out to my girl LaTonya. Hey Girl. Final Score: REDSKINS 10 FALCONS 35 It is usually pretty good odds to take the unda when this suddenly awful QB is on the gridiron! On a side note, I luv the Panthers team colors! CAROLINA PANTHERS @ NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (UNDA 52) Alright, this game can only go 1 of 2 ways: either it’s a close game with a well executed rushing attack by the Panthers that burns a lot of clock or it’s a blow out where New Orleans scores all the points themselves and intercepts the hell out of Jake Delhomme. Both options do not add up to 52 points. I’m betting on t[...]
Fri, 06 Nov 2009 01:55:28 -0600GREG GAMBLE'S 2009-10 PIGSKIN Picks: 10-7 ats...59% NFL 9-3 - NCAA 1-3 - Teasers 0-1 - Lovely Ladies: 69-0 GREG GAMBLE’S 2008-09 PIGSKIN Picks: 68-44 ats...61% NFL 28-19 - NCAA 20-15 - Teasers 20-10 - Lovely Ladies 69-0 How does this not make u luv the Aggies...and miss college!? TEXAS A&M AGGIES (-3) @ COLORADO BUFFALOES Once a proud pigskin program, 10 years of mediocrity and a hellacious recruiting scandal that made my bachelor party seem like a visit to Wally World, led the desperate university to hire Boise Headmaster Dan Hawkins for a quick-fix into football wonderland. Unfortunately, minus the Amsterdam-atmosphere that Gary Barnett produced, in his 4th season Coach Hawkins is farther from contention than ever and the players know he doesn't have an alumnus on his side. Even though Coach Gym Teacher already benched his son, trust me, the damage is already done with his players! ...and while I'd suggest to just lay back and enjoy the rest of the ride, Hawkins still thinks he is the future in Boulder! (get it, "lay back" and "boulders"...damn I'm good!) Seriously, just look at the info...With a record of 15-30 overall (2-6 to open this season), the belief he wasted the last 3 years wrongfully starting his Div II-talented son at QB, and the announcement this week that their prized-recruit will be transferring, Buffalo-nation and many of his youngsters are simply waiting for the season to be over…and obviously in the hope Mr. Hawkins won’t be back next year. I don't think people realize how big, fast, and accurate Jr. Jerrod Johnson is for Brett Favre's former headmaster! ...and just like our friend here, he has great intangibles! As for the Aggies, after some mid-season struggles, they’ve looked as deadly as any team in the suddenly woeful Big 12 conference and are building some momentum for some crazy showdowns to end the year (Oklahoma & Texas). After shocking the Red Raiders two weeks ago in Lubbock (W 52-30), A&M made my alma mater (Iowa St) look like a bunch of school girls with a 35-10 victory and have arguably the most underrated QB in the country. Duel-threat giant (6-5, 240 lbs) Jerrod Johnson has tossed for 20 Tuddies, only three interceptions, while rushing for 266 yards & 6 TDs. Throw-in a duo in the backfield that simply wears out the opponent as the game rolls on (Cyrus Gray & Christine Michael – 1036 rushing yards, 10 TD) and a bevy of tall, talented, speedsters on the outside, and I can’t see how the Aggies don’t believe they’re contenders in the conference. Sorry Colorado, even though ur kids worked as hard as Rachelle this summer, their still small, slow, & not very good! Back to Buffaloes, after scoring only 6 points against the extremely average kids from Kansas St (L 20-6), the rebuilding Tigers from Mizzu walked into Boulder and snapped their three-game losing streak with a 36-17 azz-kicking of Colorado. And the score didn’t indicate the blow-out as Missouri out gained A&M 400 to 176 in total yards. I could go on, but Videobox is calling my name! Final Score: TEXAS A&M 31 COLORADO 17 TOUCH ME HERE FOR MY FINAL THOUGHT ON COLLEGE [...]
Sat, 31 Oct 2009 23:03:02 -0600GREG GAMBLE'S 2009-10 PIGSKIN Picks: 9-7 ats...56% NFL 8-3 - NCAA 1-3 - Teasers 0-1 - Lovely Ladies: 69-0 GREG GAMBLE’S 2008-09 PIGSKIN Picks: 68-44 ats...61% In honor of Ray-Ray and the Ravens off the bye week... ...nuttin's better then this! DENVER BRONCOS @ BALTIMORE RAVENS (-3) What else do say Homeboys...Baltimore wins easier then TT Boy at birthday party with back-tats! Final Score: BRONCOS 13 RAVENS 27 Pink lingerie & Greggy G on Sunday morn...what else u need? AND NOW...TIME FOR PICKS FROM DA YEKER!!! (Let's go Yeker, ur MFin do for a run!) Man, I love Halloween night. It’s the only time of year that girls don’t find it weird that I want to wear my plushy bunny head to bed. Why am I so misunderstood for the other 364? If you degenerates didn’t get your fill of horror shows yesterday, you can always tune into the Rams at Lions. That’s sure to frighten away any resemblance of a professional football game. Here are my All Saint’s Days plays. Get you’re @ss to church and make some green, heathens. Flawless...just like the Wildcat versus the Jets! MIAMI DOLPHINS (+3.5) @ NEW YORK JETS While I prefer to keep most of my feline fantasies about my girl Cheetara from the ThunderCats, I’m started to get a semi watching the Dolphins run the Ronnie Brown and Ricky Rasta Williams WildCat O. This week, they’ll be running it in a grudge match against the NY J-E-T-S, who are mad at a week 5 Monday night last seconds loss. Too bad the Jets have a subpar rush D that is giving up 117 yards per game on average. With 3 of the Jets WRs are questionable for the game, look for Rex BigPants to have his offense also heavily focused on the run. This sets up for a tight score of a game. When games are going to be close, it’s all the better to have the free points, and thus, “Miami has the Dolphins, the greatest football team”. BTW, the Dolphins’ website has a medical glossary for all us Hippocraticly inept degenerates. Oddly there’s no listing on the medicinal use of marijuana. Final Score: DOLPHINS 24 JETS 21 These two are due and Bear D sucks, so... (GREG GAMBLE LUVS THIS PICK AND HAS ADDED IT TO HIS PLAYS...MOSTLY CAUSE IT'S ON TV AND HE'LL BE WATCHING IT!) CLEVELAND BROWNS @ CHICAGO BEARS (OVA 40) If you watch the Bears as much as the Yeker, you must be one sorry sorry SOB. You also know the Bears can’t even get their LBs and secondary to put together a D that looks like anything more than the sandlot version of guys pointing their fingers and saying “I got that guy:” Cleveland isn’t much better. Look for the teams combined D F’Ups to more than help the offense overcome this low Ova. Final Score: BROWNS 14 BEARS 30 She must luv the Cardinals wearing colors like dis! CAROLINA PANTHERS @ ARIZONA CARDINALS (-10) My analysis of this game is not a classic one of “have nots”, but of “haves”. And, the Carolina Panthers still have the Cajun Interceptee Delhomme under center. He single handedly kept them out of the game against the Bills last week at home. That’s the definition of “suck” in Merriam Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary. Carolina is going to have to recommit to the run this week. Sounds smart. Oh but wait, there on the road against the Arizona Cardinals who have the best run D in the League, only allowing an average of 67.5 yards per game. Old Kurt is going to be getting some spiky hair fem-mullet love after this game. Final Score: PANTHERS 10 CARDINALS 34 Just like Marisa is a lil older than most top models, Favre gets done even with a lil grey in the afternoon shadow! MINNESOTA FAVRES (+3) @ GREEN BAY PACKERS It’s the game of week, as if ESPN has not been pounding that into your head all week. This one is actually an easy one to pick. Drop all your misconceived notions that th[...]
Sat, 31 Oct 2009 00:36:09 -0600GREG GAMBLE'S 2009-10 PIGSKIN Picks: 9-6 ats...60% NFL 8-3 - NCAA 1-2 - Teasers 0-1 - Lovely Ladies: 69-0 GREG GAMBLE’S 2008-09 PIGSKIN Picks: 68-44 ats...61% (image) While this type of hype screwed them early... (image) ...this type of classy lady might screw them last if they continue to roll their crazzy-azz game! #25 MISSISSIPPI REBELS (-4) @ AUBURN TIGERS In August, nearly every gridiron guru was calling Ole Miss their sleeper team to watch and 6-3 Jr. QB Jevan Sneed their dark horse for the Heisman. And just like what happened when I awoke with two hotties in my college slumber pad, the Rebels ego soared after a few cupcakes and were brought back to reality when they opened SEC play. In their two losses (Gamecocks & Tide), not only did they look passive, but Mr. Snead was absolutely abysmal (33-comp%, 1 TD, 4 INT). (image) Just like our friend, I think the Rebels are gamers! Since then, the Rebels have displayed a swagger that ruined the Gators undefeated season last year and have blowout victories at UAB (48-13) and Arkansas (31-17). As for the former Texas-transfer QB, the NFL draft gurus are starting to see why they had a signal-caller near the top of their draftboards to start the year (67-comp%, 572 yrds, 5 TD, 2 INT). Throw-in the re-emergence of dual-threat speedster Sr. Dexter McCluster (last week: 22 rush, 123 yrds – 11 rec, 137 yrds TD), the power of So. RB Brandon Bolden (426 yrds, 5.5 avg), and plenty of threats on the outside, and Ole Miss has the makings of a strong finish. (image) So you think you can be horrific at ISU and be better in an inferior conference...yeah, that makes sense, kinda like... (image) ...Mrs. Armit thinking she has a chance at Greggy G...I'm way outta her MFin league! As for Auburn, f*ck that former Cyclones Head Coach…he got hired after winning about 25% of his games. Yeah, great hire. They’ve lost 3-straight and I guarantee the kids are wondering what the hell he’s doing running the program. Final Score: REBELS 31 lilTigers 17 (image) As they say, college fun is always fun!
Sun, 25 Oct 2009 01:22:07 -0600GREG GAMBLE'S 2009-10 PIGSKIN Picks: 9-5 ats...64% NFL 8-2 - NCAA 1-2 - Teasers 0-1 - Lovely Ladies: 69-0 GREG GAMBLE’S 2008-09 PIGSKIN Picks: 68-44 ats...61% NFL 28-19 - NCAA 20-15 - Teasers 20-10 - Lovely Ladies 69-0 Just like our friend, relax this Sunday Funday and wait for a gift for the Gamblin' Gods this evening... ...cause this lil cat in the ugly red sweater is gonna roll late night like I rolled game at DQ without a Driver's License! ARIZONA CARDINALS @ NEW YORK GIANTS (-7) Trust me Homeboys, it's cold, Kurt's old, the Cards aren't traveling for the playoffs, and Crazy Coughlin is comming off a loss...I feel like the day I saw Punky Brewster made into an adult film...really MFin Happy! G-Men in a blow-out. Final Score: CARDINALS 16 GIANTS 37 and now, PICKS FROM DA YEKER Listen Fellas, while DA YEKER has sucked this season, I have a feeling he's turing the MFin corner...or he's fired! Btw, this pic represents IP.com at a crossroads deciding if Da Yeker is worth keeping...if ur confused, just think of the chair as the crossroads I’ll tell you my fellow degenerates, my last 2 weeks ATS have wrecked my psyche. After last Sunday’s performance, I sat down and formulated a new training schedule and diet to get me back up to the Inside Plays tradition. I’m happy to say that my circuit training of forearm twists and a macrobiotic diet of Popov and pork rinds from the local bodega appears to be paying off. I punished myself yesterday by putting my skills to test in an all out 3 MAC game challenge. After watching hours of bad football that looked less athletic than Shannon Tweed dry humping on SkinaMax circa 1994, my skills are back with a 3 for 3 showing to prove it. Jigga wat’? Jigga money winning NFL plays, that’s wat’: You know DA YEKER knows something special if he thinks this cat is gonna help him win some dolla dolla bills! MINNESOTA VIKINGS @ PITTSBURGH STEELERS (OVA 46) Just rewind my winning comments from last week. The Steelers know how to score and can’t stop any team from doing it on them. 4 of their 6 games have had combined scores over 40 points. The games of their opponent this week, the Minnesota Favres, have topped the 40 point total score amount 6 out of 6 games this year. Minnesota will be down its best CB in Antoine Winfield. While I can’t confirm whether he Yankee great Dave Winfield’s love childe, I can tell you that it looks good for Brett Roethlisbigassname who has already thrown for a league leading 1,887 yards. This spells a sit back & root for pts situation. Final Score: VIKINGS 30 STEELERS 33 Here's an idea u lil wanna be QB superstar, start ballin like former Charger star Babe Laufenberg cause that'll mean... ...he's actually knocking it in the hole! (I have no idea what that means, but I like this picture) SAN DIEGO CHARGERS (-5) AT KANSAS CITY BRODIE CROYLES San Diego may have just watched its division championship hopes disappear last week at the hands of the Cowboy Kyle Orton. The rough faced Turner brother has to get his team a win this week to keep his job. Shawne Merriman doesn’t have a sack yet this season and he’s facing a team this week with a QB named Matt Cassell who has been dumped on his head the 2nd most times in the league this season at 19. All this spells a good chance that I might get to see my favorite retro-player Brodie Brodie Croyle. Lay the points against the home dog, ATS homeboys. Final Score: CHARGERS 34 CHIEFS 17 Just like I think happy thoughts bout whip-cream everytime I see her face, I think winning dollars when DA YKER picks Carolina BUFFALO BILLS @ CAROLINA PANTHERS (-7) So if you were like the Yeker last week and watched the season debut of Bills backup QB Ryan Fitzpatrick, you wer[...]
Thu, 22 Oct 2009 20:44:54 -0600GREG GAMBLE'S 2009-10 PIGSKIN Picks: 8-5 ats...62% NFL 8-2 - NCAA 0-2 - Teasers 0-1 - Lovely Ladies: 69-0 GREG GAMBLE’S 2008-09 PIGSKIN Picks: 68-44 ats...61% NFL 28-19 - NCAA 20-15 - Teasers 20-10 - Lovely Ladies 69-0 While Grandpa Joe's not smiling about Mayra... ...he's a happy cat because the Lions have Mayra's backside type of size to make the lil Wolverines shutter! #13 PENN ST. NITTANY LIONS (-4.5) @ MICHIGAN WOLVERINES I know lil Forcier & Coach Dick Rod spoiled my undefeated ATS season when they covered against the Hawkeyes…but I’m not wavering on my stance that the former Mountaineer headmaster is going to kill his freshman phenom QB before season’s end. And even though that same Iowa team bitch-slapped Granpa Joe in Happy Valley, trust me my fellow degenerates, the Gambling Gods have no sense of rhyme or reason. Penn St. is a powerhouse on both sides of the ball and will destroy one of the worst defenses in the Big Ten. Throw-in the fact that teams know more and more about the Wolverines undermanned spread attack and I can’t see how the Lions don’t win by double digits. Just like our friend, the Nittany Puddycats will walk away in style from Saturday's contest! While most think Penn St. is simply a power running attack, I believe they’re more balanced than Aurora Snow in Lollipop Lesbians and don’t make the mistakes in the passing game the way the Hawkeyes did against Michigan. Sr. QB Daryll Clark (last 3 games: 4 TDs, 1 INT, 598 yrds, 67%) has the outside weapons and a massive O-Line to pick apart a Wolverine D that will spend all their energy trying to stop one of the deadliest backs in football (Evan Royster 648 yrds, 5.8 avg). You'll soon see Evan racing past cats on Sundays soon... ...but till then, he's busting out like MF on College Gameday! Especially after the shocking loss to an extremely overrated Hawkeye squad, I think the Lions got the wake-up call they needed to shred the remaining Big Ten Beeatches. Throw-in that the Wolverines are coming off a game where they were facing D2 talent (Delaware St.), and I expect Grandpa’s boys to shock the overmatched and undersized kids from Ann Arbor early in this contest…which means they carry a 17-point lead into halftime and casually dominate the entire 2nd half. Final Score: JOPA 44 DICK ROD 27 Don't stare me down...I'm just trying to beat the man like u! [...]
Sun, 18 Oct 2009 00:08:55 -0600GREG GAMBLE'S 2009-10 PIGSKIN Picks: 6-5 ats...55% NFL 6-2 - NCAA 0-2 - Teasers 0-1 - Lovely Ladies: 69-0 GREG GAMBLE’S 2008-09 PIGSKIN Picks: 68-44 ats...61% NFL 28-19 - NCAA 20-15 - Teasers 20-10 - Lovely Ladies 69-0 While Tony Gonzalez will have the success early, look for Mr. Roddy White to have some fun just before you head to bed! Sorry Fellas, but while some things are hard to cover, ATL's line againt my beloved is not one of them CHICAGO BEARS @ ATLANTA FALCONS (-3) For a cat that luvs Da Coach, Jay Cutler, nationally televised night games featuring his favorite team, and Asian adult film stars, you know I’m 100% ATS committed when I’m rolling with a Bears opponent. The Falcons offense is more diverse than Aurora Snow in My Sister’s Hot Friend 4, and the Chicago D just doesn’t have any playmakers in the secondary and sports a pedestrian DT rotation with Israel Idonijie out of commission with a bum knee. While I hope I’m wrong, I have a feeling Jay “Jerk-Face, but I luv him” Cutler doesn’t have the weapons to keep pace on the scoreboard against a balanced Hotlanta attack at home. (BTW, why do I always think of a stripper named "Cocktail" everytime I write the word "Hotlanta"?) Final Score: BEARS 20 FALCONS 31 Come on DelSpazzHomme...just drink some water, relax, and have some fun today! ...cause it's just a day at the beach againt the Bucs! CAROLINA PANTHERS (-3) @ TAMPA BAY SUCKANEERS While Jake DelSpazzholmme squeaked out a win against the lowly Redskins, believe it or not, the Panthers are riding a ”we saved our season after the bye week and believe we’re still frickin good”-mojo and the inkling they can right a sinking ship with contests against the Suckaneers & bumbling Bills the next two weeks. Throw-in a Tampa QB that might be the most unknown signal-caller in the last decade, and I can’t see how DeAngelo Williams & Stevie Smith don’t dominate against a defense that is already playing youngsters for next year. Final Score: PANTHERS 24 SUCKANEERS 13 And now, PICKS FROM MY ATS HANDICAPPIN HOMEBOY DA YEKER While Da Yeker has been laying in the weeds, today I expect his sometimes sorry-azz to break-out with the magic! Alright, alright, let’s get this out of the way. Last week I sucked. I now know how it feels to play for the Raiders. But this week, I’m coming back with more analysis than places to tuck a buck at the local lingerie show. I guarantee that you will not be picking me last to be on your handicapping them after this week. Just like our friend, Da Yeker is done being depressed and just laying in bed because this OVA is just too MFin pretty! CLEVELAND BROWNS @ PITTSBURGH STEELERS (OVA 38) For all of us who watched the Browns play a game of grab @ss with the Bills last week, I think the NFL officially owes us an apology and a firing of Dick Jauron. That game set NFL offense back by 100 years. I’m pretty sure the total scores from each of the MLB playoff games this week were higher. While I’m no fan of Manggenius, he does know offense and you can be sure that was the focus of Brown’s practice this week. On top of that, I know the Steelers can score and also aren’t all that good at stopping other people from doing it this year. Hell, they let Daunte Culpepper and the Lions put up 20 on them last week. I know the Hair Polamalu is back this week, but 38 is just too low of an Ova to turn away from. Sit back and root for the points. Final Score: BROWNS 17 STEELERS 28 When Da Yeker is thinking dead-sexy, that usually means he's grabbing the Jergins and thinkin' Caprice...or Rex Ryan BUFFALO BILLS @ NEW YORK JETS (-10) The Jets have hit the skids the past two we[...]