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Preview: The Register - Odds and Sods: Bootnotes

The Register - Bootnotes

Biting the hand that feeds IT

Copyright: Copyright 2017, Situation Publishing

Coventry: Once a 'Ghost Town', soon to be UK City of Culture

Mon, 11 Dec 2017 14:05:24 GMT

Stalingrad's erstwhile twin will take the reins from Hull in 2021

Coventry – the city that was flattened by the Luftwaffe and later inspired The Specials' urban decay anthem "Ghost Town" – has been named the UK City of Culture 2021.…

YouTuber cements head inside microwave oven

Fri, 08 Dec 2017 11:07:09 GMT

Don't forget to like, subscribe and send a chisel to my PO box

A YouTube stunt imbecile was rescued by firefighters yesterday after cementing his head inside a microwave.…

Meet the woman with a supernatural affinity for stiff lovers

Thu, 07 Dec 2017 14:56:12 GMT

Something went bump in the night... over and over

It takes all sorts to make a world and some on the fringes of life often turn up on daytime TV. And so El Reg was fascinated by the story of Amethyst Realm, who dumped a human in the, er, physical realm to become a ghostbuster banger.…

O Christmas wreath, O Christmas wreath, thy potent skunk's in bunches

Wed, 06 Dec 2017 14:38:12 GMT

Ding bong merrily you're high

Nothing says Christmas like a wreath. Except of course a reefer wreath. But why stop at Jesus and Mary, when you can add a full ounce of Mary Jane, dressed with eucalyptus, wheat and rosemary that stoners can use to decorate their knockers this festivus.…

Viagra's Irish plant STILL giving local men and dogs stiffies (not really)

Tue, 05 Dec 2017 13:26:09 GMT

And I’ll stay up 500 weeks, and I’ll stay up 3,000 days

The near two decade-old story that refuses to lie down aroused interest again at the weekend: folk from Ringaskiddy in rural Ireland complained once more that a nearby Viagra plant was still giving local men and, um, dogs a chubby.…

Quentin Tarantino in talks to make Star Trek movie

Tue, 05 Dec 2017 08:02:07 GMT

I double dare you m*therf*cker, say 'illogical' one more Goddamn time!

Entertainment publication Deadline Hollywood has reported that cinematic enfant terrible Quentin Tarantino has pitched an idea for a new Star Trek film.…

WW2 Enigma machine to be seized from shamed pharma bro Shkreli

Sat, 02 Dec 2017 07:06:05 GMT

Also his Picasso and that Wu Tang Clan album

A World War II German Enigma machine will be among the valuables a US court plans to seize from convicted felon and shamed former pharmaceuticals exec Martin Shkreli.…

Foil snack food bags make a decent Faraday cage, judge finds

Fri, 01 Dec 2017 08:36:08 GMT

Chap kept his work PDA in one, slacked off, played golf, lost job, appealed, failed to get job back

An Australian electrician has failed in an effort to regain his job after a judge ruled he hid a work-issued GPS-equipped PDA in a foil snack food bag to avoid being tracked.…

Lock them up and throw away the (don)key

Tue, 28 Nov 2017 13:25:04 GMT

Mischievous herd serves 4-day sentence

Eight donkeys were released from an Indian jail yesterday after the law proved itself to be, well, an ass, and imprisoned them for eating the prison officers' plants.…

2001: A Stob Odyssey

Tue, 28 Nov 2017 10:57:13 GMT

Open the chuffing pod bay doors yourself, Dave

Stob has obtained access to the unpublished journals of a young British programmer who found herself assigned to the elite team that built the HAL 9000 computer during the 1990s.

Tom Baker returns to finish shelved Doctor Who episodes penned by Douglas Adams

Mon, 27 Nov 2017 12:28:11 GMT

Shada serial completed with animation and voiceovers

The fourth and finest Doctor, Tom Baker, has reprised the role to finish a Who serial scuppered in 1979 by strike action at the BBC.…

Vanity, thy name is: M1SCO company car reg plates for sale

Mon, 27 Nov 2017 10:02:34 GMT

Private equity investor of fallen reseller launches online auction

Whichever fool once proclaimed money can’t buy one class clearly wasn’t privy to the inventory of now defunct tech reseller Misco Group that was recently put up for sale by private equity backer Hilco Capital.…

Aussie Catholic School forced into hasty cover-up over suggestive Saint

Wed, 22 Nov 2017 18:35:13 GMT

Off-shored statue offered a curious roll

A Catholic School in Australia has been left red-faced after a newly commissioned statue of a revered saint appeared to be offering to share more than a few loaves and fishes with the little children.…

Borat creator offers to cover mankini fines. Is nice!

Wed, 22 Nov 2017 11:03:13 GMT

Sacha Baron Cohen steps in after Czech tourists become butt of joke

Borat creator Brit comedian Sacha Baron Cohen has said he'll pay the fines handed to a group of mankini-clad Czech tourists by Kazakhstani authorities.…

Nathan Barley blamed for global GDP slump

Mon, 20 Nov 2017 15:38:05 GMT

Clueless freelancers and the productivity puzzle

Nathan Barley, the insufferable "self-facilitating media node" of Charlie Brooker's TV series, may be a prime culprit for Britain's lack of productivity growth.…

The Independent 'live streamed' space vid recorded in 2015

Mon, 20 Nov 2017 12:38:12 GMT

'We naturally regret the human error that led to the mistake'

For reasons unknown, on Sunday The Independent "live streamed" footage from space that was more than two years old.…

Dick move: Navy flyboy flings firmament phallus for flabbergasted folk

Fri, 17 Nov 2017 19:15:11 GMT

Highway to the donger zone

A US navy pilot in an EA-18G GROWLER is facing stiff action – after crafting a novel flight pattern that left much of central Washington state staring up at an anatomy lesson.…

New UK aircraft carrier to be commissioned on Pearl Harbor anniversary

Fri, 17 Nov 2017 16:24:09 GMT

You know, the surprise attack intended to sink aircraft carriers

Her Majesty the Queen will commission the new British aircraft carrier named after her into Royal Navy service in three weeks – on the anniversary of an infamous naval battle where numerous warships were sunk.…

The Reg parts ways with imagineer and thought pathfinder Steve Bong

Fri, 17 Nov 2017 12:11:11 GMT

He built a plane called Digital Innovation and told readers: 'Come Fly With Me'

The Register is reviewing its relationship with columnist and Shoreditch entrepreneur Mr Steve Bong MBE after Mr Bong admitted to having a close working relationship with the Kremlin this week, in a piece titled Yes, I took Putin's roubles to undermine Western democracy. This is my story

Yes, I took Putin's roubles to undermine Western democracy. This is my story

Thu, 16 Nov 2017 09:02:10 GMT

Ever heard of 'GDS'? Yup, that was me

¡Bong! Every man must make a reckoning, and now I must make mine. มาลัย (which means 'Garland of Flowers' in Thai), please note the following.…

How about that time Russian military used a video game pic as proof of US aiding ISIS?

Thu, 16 Nov 2017 06:02:08 GMT

This week in fact

Earlier this week, the official Facebook and Twitter accounts of the Russian Ministry of Defense said it had "irrefutable evidence" the US was aiding ISIS in Syria – and revealed four grainy photos apparently backing up its claims.…

Pastry in a manger: We're soz, Greggs man said

Wed, 15 Nov 2017 12:01:11 GMT

We swapped out Lord Jesus for meat in sweet bread

Budget Brit pastry purveyor Greggs has been forced to apologise after substituting a sausage roll for Baby Jesus in its limited-edition advent calendar.…

World Vasectomy Day: 15k men line up for live vent-blocking

Wed, 15 Nov 2017 10:03:11 GMT

24-hour extravaganza ... live ops streamed

SFW The Reg readership might be interested to know that the coming Friday does not just signal the end of the working week and time to cut loose, it is also World Vasectomy Day.…

Amazon to make multiple Lord of the Rings prequel TV series

Tue, 14 Nov 2017 01:58:07 GMT

This could work: Gandalf, Aragorn and Sauron all get busy between The Hobbit and The Fellowship of the Ring

Amazon's television limb has announced it will make multiple series based on J.R.R. Tolkien’s the Lord of The Rings.…

Mm, sacrilicious: Greggs advent calendar features sausage roll in a manger

Mon, 13 Nov 2017 12:20:11 GMT

Pie love thee, Lord Jesus

Nothing quite says Christmas like greasy, calorific overindulgence, and this year budget sausage roll shop Greggs is ready to get you in the mood with its "treat-filled" limited-edition advent calendar.…

Shiver me timbers! 67cm Playmobil pirate ship sets sail for Caribbean

Mon, 13 Nov 2017 11:33:28 GMT

Scottish vessel gets a refit by team that restored Cutty Sark

A Playmobil pirate ship has been launched off the west coast of Africa after stowing away on a full-size Norwegian vessel.…

Sean Parker: I helped destroy humanity with Facebook

Fri, 10 Nov 2017 15:04:08 GMT

Sorry isn't enough, Sean

The billionaire and former Facebook president Sean Parker now says he regrets helping turn the social network into a global phenomenon. The site grew by "exploiting a vulnerability in human psychology" with its greed for attention and the careful reward system it created to keep users addicted.…

'Sticky runway' closes Canadian airport

Fri, 10 Nov 2017 03:01:10 GMT

Don't laugh: Goose Bay strip is where an A380 landed after its engine blew up in September

Canadian airport Goose Bay has closed due to a “sticky runway”.…

Jet packs are REAL – and inventor just broke world speed record in it

Thu, 09 Nov 2017 15:19:11 GMT

Easier than riding a bike, apparently

A British inventor has set a new world record for fastest speed in a body-controlled, jet engine-powered suit.…

Irish priests told to stop bashing bishops

Thu, 09 Nov 2017 14:03:46 GMT

Confidential helpline considered for distressed and lonely churchmen

The annual general meeting of Ireland’s Catholic Priests has been told to ease up on attacking their seniors, amidst increasing concerns over the future of the Church in the country.…

Lord of the Rings TV show shopped around Hollywood

Tue, 07 Nov 2017 06:23:06 GMT

Rights carrot dangled before Netflix, Amazon and HBO, apparently

J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings could be on its way to the small screen.…

Guy Glitchy: Villagers torch Openreach effigy

Mon, 06 Nov 2017 10:52:10 GMT

Huh! More like 'won't reach'

Bonfire night has come a long way since Guy Fawkes' failed attempt to blow up the House of Lords on 5 November 1605. Now, we prefer to burn more modern day villains. Such as Harvey Weinstein, Donald Trump and, er, Openreach.…

$10,000-a-dram whisky 'wasn't even a malt'

Fri, 03 Nov 2017 17:32:09 GMT

Chinese fantasy star fell for fake

A Swiss Hotel bar has apologised to a Chinese fantasy novelist who paid $10,000 (£7,649) for a shot of rare whisky – only to discover the single malt was a fake.…

Those IT gadget freebies you picked up this year? They make AWFUL Christmas presents

Fri, 03 Nov 2017 09:01:13 GMT

Cyber Monday is coming but I still feel so green

Something for the Weekend, Sir? An eerie green glow is radiating from my 1960s sideboard.…

Birds are pecking apart Australia's national broadband network

Fri, 03 Nov 2017 03:24:13 GMT

Everything in Australia wants to kill you and if they can't find flesh, telco cabling will do

Australia's national broadband network (NBN) is being pecked apart by birds.…

KFC turns Japanese bath tubs into party buckets

Thu, 02 Nov 2017 14:31:08 GMT

Now we can all toss in the Colonel's secret herbs and spices

A campaign launched in Japan has meant anyone partial to diving into a tub of finger lickin' good chicken now has the chance to literally do just that, thanks to the arrival of the KFC Bath Bomb.…

Landlubber northern council shores up against boat-tipping

Thu, 02 Nov 2017 13:12:12 GMT

Ahoy there, m'ducky. Chart a course t'Doncaster

One landlocked council's battle with fly-tipping has taken a nautical twist this week after it had to deal with a speedboat... left in a road.…

Osama Bin Laden had copy of Resident Evil, smut, in compound

Thu, 02 Nov 2017 07:27:04 GMT

CIA server goes down after release of docs from Abbottabad, reveals Osama liked BBC wildlife docos

The United States Central Intelligence Agency has released a new trove of documents from computers found in the Abbottabad, Pakistan, compound at which Osama Bin Laden was killed in May 2011.…

My #95Theses of #Digital

Wed, 01 Nov 2017 15:02:05 GMT

I promise not Reformation, but #Transformation

¡Bong! It's exactly 500 years to the day since Luther Blissett nailed his "95 Theses" to the door of Battenberg Cake Factory.…

'The Queen' is showing Geneva how to be polite on public transport

Wed, 01 Nov 2017 13:58:12 GMT

One must wait one's turn

The Queen, accompanied by a Queen's guard and gentleman in a top hat, has been drafted in to help encourage Genevans to act more courteously when boarding trains.…

Caption this: Capita staff picket a bunch o'er pickled pensions

Tue, 31 Oct 2017 12:03:13 GMT

It's day 2 at Reading Bridge House picket line. Make 'em laugh

UK staffers at outsourcing giant Capita – deep in the weeds of its "turnaround year" – are entering day two of union protests over proposed changes to their pension plans.…

Robot takes the job of sitting on your arse

Tue, 31 Oct 2017 07:55:08 GMT

Ford reveals 'metallic butt' used to test car seats. We're calling it Seat-3-P-O

Poll Car-maker Ford has revealed a robot that's taken the job of sitting on your arse.…

Submarine builder admits dismembering journalist's body

Mon, 30 Oct 2017 16:29:09 GMT

Danish seafarer denies murdering Kim Wall

The man charged with the murder of a Swedish journalist in his private submarine has admitted dismembering her body and dumping the parts into the sea – but insists he did not kill her.…

Biz quadruples value overnight by adding 'Blockchain' to name

Fri, 27 Oct 2017 14:02:08 GMT

A tactic ailing companies might want to use?

How do you increase the value of your business by 300 per cent overnight? Simple, add a buzzword to your name.…

Man: Just 18 Bitcoin babies and my home is yours

Fri, 27 Oct 2017 10:10:12 GMT

'People are doing it for high-end properties – why not Grimsby?'

A man in Grimsby wants to flog his house for 18 Bitcoin (£81,305) because he calcuates the currency is a better investment than cold hard British pounds in the bank.…

The UK's super duper 1,000mph car is being tested in Cornwall

Thu, 26 Oct 2017 12:27:03 GMT

200mph runs up and down Newquay Airport runway

The 1,000mph (1,609 kmph) Bloodhound supersonic car is undergoing its first test runs at Newquay Airport in Cornwall later today.…

Rob Scoble's lawyer told him to STFU about sex pest claims. He didn't

Wed, 25 Oct 2017 22:32:49 GMT

And you'll never guess what happened next – or perhaps, depressingly, you can

Comment If you have cause to hire a lawyer, it is usually worthwhile listening to what they have to say.…

Uber's revolting sexism, the movie

Tue, 24 Oct 2017 02:58:12 GMT

Susan Fowler's story pitched as 'Erin Brockovich meets The Social Network'

The blog post that lifted the lid on Uber's uber-sexist culture and led to the demise of founder Travis Kalanick might become a movie.…

'Screaming' man fined $149 for singing 'Everybody Dance Now'

Mon, 23 Oct 2017 13:31:11 GMT

'I don’t know if my voice was very bad and that’s why I got the ticket,' he said

A man has been fined by police after being caught singing the 1990s dance anthem "Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)" while behind the wheel of his car.…

We talk to Tron artist Syd Mead: On the other side of the screen, it all looks so easy

Fri, 20 Oct 2017 14:03:09 GMT

Lightcycle creator on the classic sci-fi film as it turns 35

Star Trek: The Motion Picture, Blade Runner, Aliens, TimeCop, Johnny Mnemonic and Elysium all benefitted from the design magic of Syd Mead.…