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Comments for Psychology, Philosophy and Real Life

Looking at life through the prism of psychology, philosophy, mental health and more. Originally created by counsellor, psychotherapist and philosopher Dr Greg Mulhauser, this blog is now the work of an international team of contributors.

Last Build Date: Thu, 20 Oct 2016 19:56:51 +0000


Comment on Playing the Blame Game as a Manipulation Tactic by Linette

Thu, 20 Oct 2016 19:56:51 +0000

LynetteB, I GET IT! I have been in the same kind of relationship for almost 10 years. When I am ready to file the papers, he turns on the nice, I will change attitude. I love him very much, so I have stuck in the relationship because I honestly believed he could change. Sadly, I am realizing he can't change, nor does he want to. So blame is always turned on me with "You do it too" as justification for his actions. He is also very angry all the time. Good luck to you. I make the decision every day and it is impossible to plan anything.

Comment on Playing the Servant Role as a Manipulation Tactic by Sandra

Wed, 19 Oct 2016 01:10:19 +0000

Wow. I just finished In Sheep's Clothing, and went back to these articles for some reinforcement. I work with someone who exhibits CA behaviours, and targets (bullies) specific people in extremely subtle ways. The book was so helpful in validating my feelings and recognising their tactics (and helping me to realise I'm not paranoid). In our situation, this person often gets their way or sabotages projects by misrepresenting or selectively/creatively quoting our manager, "playing the servant" by acting like the devoted employee, but really just pushing forth their own agenda. It's so great to be able to name these tactics. Thank you!

Comment on Gaslighting as a Manipulation Tactic: What It Is, Who Does It, And Why by eudoxiajones

Tue, 18 Oct 2016 00:38:51 +0000

Having had extensive experience in gaslighting relationships I took time out and decided to self hack. You can't change him you can only restructure yourself for the better. This might sound rather punitive but it isn't. It is deconstructing your personality and finding out what early childhood maladaptive schemas that are operative within you. It takes a great deal of self honesty as we have to fully open up to and embrace/own our shadow - which is our dark side. I am not saying there is anything wrong with you. This is the normal condition of humanity sadly. What is not normal is for us to remain in this condition. Can you short cut this process - well yes you can actually. My suggestion to you is this - go out and buy 3 books you can probably pick them all up on Amazon second hand if you are pressed for cash. They are Emotional Alchemy (Tara Bennet-Goldman) Emotional Intelligence (Dan Goldman) and The Power of Now (Eckart Toll) read them in that sequence. The last book gives instructions of how to stalk yourself by watching your thoughts and the emotions they raise within you. Gaslighters are all fully pathological no matter which personality disorder they have and they are disordered. Psychologically healthy people do not engage in this type of behavior. The resources given above assists you to become psychologically healthy as a defense to maladaptive people and you will understand how to recognise them by the behaviors they exhibit. By knowing your true self will further help you to bring out and recognise the false self you have constructed over the years and have come to recognise as you. Once you understand that these people who gaslight are truly sick people and you know your core self (this takes in reality many years as more hidden false beliefs come to the surface during self observation or self hacking as I call it) then you will cease to take their behavior personally. This stops you from going into victim mode and you accept that while they are extremely disordered and very sick people you do not have to have them in your life and it will be easier for you to sever ties and just walk away without guilt, shame or remorse. This is not the same thing as a psychopaths lack of guilt, shame or remorse. Also bear in mind when a disordered person is making accusations against you of behavior you are simply incapable of engaging in then they are showing you who they are. That is their own projection, it is their way of avoiding ownership of their own shameful behavior by projecting it onto you. It is truly pathetic and it allows them to have subtle power of you. These people in all reality should be rounded up and placed under intense psychiatric evaluation as they are very dangerous people maybe all not capable of physical violence but they are all capable and experts at emotional violence. The only thing you can do is protect yourself by knowing yourself.

Comment on What is a Character Disorder? by Rick B

Mon, 17 Oct 2016 12:04:23 +0000

Using an example of someone of whom we've seen a great deal and whose personality is distinctive, do you think that Donald Trump has a character disorder, a personality disorder or something else?

Comment on Lessons I Learned From a Visit to the Holy Land by TC

Tue, 11 Oct 2016 18:34:32 +0000

Yay, love this article! Have been reading Dr. Simon's articles for years and been thinking the one thing missing from his writings are a Christian perspective. He has remarkable insight into disordered personalities, now if he combines that with a Christian basis I see so much potential to influence others for God's glory.

Comment on Gaslighting as a Manipulation Tactic: What It Is, Who Does It, And Why by Woman who knows

Sat, 01 Oct 2016 03:10:30 +0000

If it helps women to know, many women have been gaslighted through covert trauma based mind control methods. You are not the only one, it was never your fault, and you cannot remain in the same house as an ego abuser. Remember, we are survivors and we will not be the ones that stand by silently, but will step in on behalf of other woman who are tormented like this.

Comment on Kindness and Generosity are the Keys to Relationship Bliss by B

Sat, 24 Sep 2016 16:53:09 +0000

I think they are almost always wasted in relationships. You get one trying to take advantage of the other one. So, the kind one must always be on guard.... How is that good for them?

Comment on Shameless and Guiltless Thinking in Character Disturbance by Robert Fizek

Sat, 24 Sep 2016 01:16:14 +0000

I'm a non- expert, so this is all quite interesting. I must "confront" 'Not Moses' with a question: Do you really believe that your clients have no sense of being subjects or rather objects in your Therapeutic complex? I think even "Watson" was programmed with a more compassionate frame of mind.

Comment on More on the “Art” of Benign Confrontation by Robert Fizek

Sat, 24 Sep 2016 00:49:39 +0000

Dear Doctor, Would you be available for numerous sessions with our US Presidential Candidates? - and our media Oh and our legislative branches? Perhaps also the entirety of the legal professions, and of-course many -if not most-members of your profession. Please.

Comment on Living With a Passive-Aggressive Personality by Veronica

Tue, 20 Sep 2016 17:07:07 +0000

Can a person alternate between passive-aggressive and covert-aggressive behaviors?