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Comments for Psychology, Philosophy and Real Life

Looking at life through the prism of psychology, philosophy, mental health and more. Originally created by counsellor, psychotherapist and philosopher Dr Greg Mulhauser, this blog is now the work of an international team of contributors.

Last Build Date: Tue, 20 Mar 2018 02:00:48 +0000


Comment on Acting Innocent and “Playing Dumb” as Manipulation Tactics by Brett

Tue, 20 Mar 2018 02:00:48 +0000

Hello Dr. Simon, Do you have any recommendations for effectively dealing with this behavior in a group/workplace setting? I.e. multiple agressors using these tactics to target an employee. Thank you.

Comment on Dealing With Character Disturbance is All a Matter of Perspective by Lora

Sun, 18 Mar 2018 10:02:45 +0000

You wrote that we neurotics, when dealing with the character impaired, should call them out each time, sms in the moment, when they try to "sucker" us. I've found this very useful for the smaller actions that my spouse uses on me. I'm waiting for one of the bigger episodes that inevitably occurs, where he becomes incensed and goes on a tirade, how to keep my composure AND call him out under such duress. Any suggestions would be appreciated!

Comment on Minimization: Trivializing Behavior as a Manipulation Tactic by Palindrome

Fri, 09 Mar 2018 18:53:16 +0000

Thank you so much for your work & sharing these articles. I'm a little torn about how much to apply this to my relationship. I feel I fit the neurotic partner description during arguments, & my partner uses minimization, rationalizing, side stepping, blame shifting but he never yells, never name calls, & is generally very mild mannered & when we're not arguing is very sweet & considerate. The example of minimization in this article was the husband shoving his wife & then minimizing that. Can these traits apply to someone even if they're never that extreme? And is it valid for me to be so upset about feeling crazy even over mild or more trivial issues than being physically or verbally abused?

Comment on The Mass Killing Meme: What Can We Do? by michael smith

Wed, 21 Feb 2018 01:18:02 +0000

Mass shootings used to be less frequent, and mass school shootings unheard of. I see two problems here. The harder problem to address is deteriorating mental health in the United States. Family breakdown, rising diversity, geographic mobility, increasing downward social mobility, increased social isolation (ironically, due in part to the emergence of social media and cell phones), decreased participation in churches and other voluntary organizations, easier divorce laws, increasing cultural and racial diversity probably do not even comprise a complete list of factors contributing to an increase in the number of alienated individuals, who invariably seem to be social isolates or, more rarely, a small group of alienated social isolates who have formed a dangerous alliance of social misfits. No matter what kind of laws or regulations are created, such persons can always acquire lethal weapons of some kind if they want to vent their rage badly enough. The easier aspect to this problem involves the media. Many of these crimes strike me as copycat crimes by people who want to go out in a "blaze of glory," at least a blaze of attention. Taking local tragedies and turning them into nation-wide news events sensationalized for the masses over the highly visual and dumbed-down medium of television is the perfect way to encourage copycat atrocities. This should be stopped. Confine television coverage to local broadcasts, and allow the larger society to learn of it only through the medium of print, and never on the front page. Ratings be damned. The Supreme Court has ruled consistently for three generations (since 1937) that the 10th amendment does not apply when it even potentially has an effect on interstate trade, however minor, so the first amendment guarantee of free speech can easily be regulated by the same reasoning. The legal precedent has already been set and repeatedly reaffirmed. Indeed, the subordination of our bill of rights to the interstate commerce clause is the legal basis for the majority of our federal civil rights legislation. The subordination of the inalienable "rights of man" or "human rights" to the regulation of commerce has been the American way since 1937, so why not apply it to reduced copycat mass shootings? It will probably be a lot more effective than banning particular kinds of weapons. After all, we did not dramatically reduce smoking by banning tobacco but by manipulating how it was portrayed in advertising and entertainment. Now, I know some people will raise the "slippery slope" objection, but the time for that argument was the 1930's or the 1960's. Unless we want to roll back the legal foundation for most of our federal-level civil rights legislation, that legal Rubicon has already been passed and the doorway to regulating the content of the mainstream media (which certainly does affect interstate commerce, and is part of that commerce) is wide open. Plus, we can argue for a "compelling state interest."

Comment on Lying: The Ultimate Manipulation Tactic by dont want to list name

Fri, 16 Feb 2018 21:52:39 +0000

I am/was a manipulator, working on getting better, my counselor and many friends tell me I am not a manipulator, my spouse sees me as a manipulator,,,I am trying to figure it all out...Do you have any suggested programs to help with manipulation or to understand manipulation

Comment on Lying: The Ultimate Manipulation Tactic by Christina

Fri, 16 Feb 2018 21:40:10 +0000

I was a liar and a manipulator, I had an affair and lied about it and manipulated to make sure the truth did not come has now of course after 20 years. I am working on coming open and honest....but I'm a bit confused.... I wasn't a mean person who wanted to always be in control of my husband, or to get him to do what I wanted but I did not want the truth to come out about the affair, I was ashamed, scared, and didn't even want to think I could do what I did.. is there different levels of manipulators....My husband does not believe I am changing and believes that everything I say is a lie....I am working to build up that trust again and trying to understand lying and my question is are there different levels of manipulation?

Comment on Acting Innocent and “Playing Dumb” as Manipulation Tactics by jane

Fri, 09 Feb 2018 16:55:14 +0000

Your husband had Asperger Syndrome. Look it up. Heartless Aspergers is usually a good place to start for frustrated wives. You're welcome.

Comment on Comparing Coaches and Counselors by Lesah

Mon, 05 Feb 2018 19:07:14 +0000

This was a very helpful article - thank you.

Comment on Illeism and Narcissism by Judy Dixon Gabaldon

Sun, 04 Feb 2018 00:38:30 +0000

I looked up "referring to yourself in the third person" just now because of Donald Trump's Tweet about himself today as "Trump", which he has done often before, just saying "The President". The connection between that behavior and narcissism definitely fits here. P.S. Thanks for the new word, "illeism".

Comment on Bearing Responsibilities in a Hedonistic Age by Sharelle

Tue, 23 Jan 2018 13:25:16 +0000

Is it possible for a hedonist to change themselves or is there no cure? I feel like I know someone who, at first, was always hedonistic; thinking life is always suppose to be rainbows and unicorns. Now, this person seems to resemble more of a narcissistic masochist. How often are people comorbid with hedonism and narcissism?