So You Want To Be a Banquet Manager...

Where Was That Dollar Yesterday That You Got For a Tip Today?

2010-02-08T17:55:21.647-05:00

Do you f'in believe it?  My dumb-ass waiter put liquid eggs in a customer's coffee cup instead of half and half. How stupid could she be? Here's the story... We had a wedding for 213 people on Saturday and all was going well.  The band stopped playing when I asked to, the kitchen did their job and gave us plenty of food for the cocktail hour (another miracle) and my staff was on their game.  I did my usual routine; bride and groom intros, first dances, parents dances, cake cutting ceremony, with no issues. Just as the waiters started to pour the coffee, I noticed one of my newer girls walk over to the cook's refrigerator and take out a carton of milk, or so I thought.  At first I didn't think much of it but something about the container bothered me so I walked over to check it out. I asked the waitress what she was looking for and she said "the guest wanted soy milk and I thought there may be some in the cook's refrigerator, and look I found some" she said with a smile as she walked away. Well ok, it's soy milk, but I've never seen soy milk here, how the hell did she find soy milk? I decided to look in the refrigerator just to check it out and didn't find any soy milk.  But I found a shit-load of quart containers of liquid eggs!  And to top it all off, it was the same brand as the regular milk and half & half milk we already use.   WTF!  She is about to serve coffee with liquid eggs in it!  Holy shit! Now I go running, yes running, through the kitchen screaming "Get outta my way, I gotta go" as I high-tail it into the ballroom.  Just then I see the waiter placing the coffee cup in front of the customer.  Screw me, now what?  So I go over to the guest and take the coffee cup away from her (well, what the hell else was I supposed to do, right?) The lady gives me a puzzled, but pissed-off look and says, "Hey, what are you doing?"  Quick as I can I spouted off to her, "Oh I'm sorry but I noticed that when your waiter took the coffee from the kitchen, it was the last cup from the pot and I wanted to make sure that no coffee grinds had fallen into your cup".  "Please allow me to get you a fresh cup", I finished and with that I was on my way. Now the waiter follows me into the kitchen and asks what happened.  What happened?  "Look in this cup you shithead", I wanted to say.  "I saw that you poured liquid eggs instead of half and half in the cup".  "You trying to get someone killed"? Then came all the usual apologies and tearful looks from the newbie-waiter.  I wanted to ream her out but kept my cool and walked her to the cooks refrigerator and gave her a quick lesson of whats inside.  Then we poured a real cup of coffee with cream for the guest and delivered it to the still confused lady.   By now the whole kitchen was wondering what the heck happened and so was my other waiters.   Just another day in banquet manager paradise... Next Post: Restaurant Promotes Sex in it's Bathrooms! Like this story? Get all my posts send to you by email. Click here... Share [...]

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