Last Build Date: Fri, 29 Jul 2016 07:07:53 -0800Copyright: Copyright 2016
Fri, 29 Jul 2016 07:07:53 -0800(image) Well, everyone, that's it. As somberly noted earlier this week, I Watch Stuff is shutting down. After more than a decade, I am, for now, done watching stuff. In parting, though, I'd like to sincerely thank everyone again. Thanks for reading, and thanks to everyone for leaving such kind comments when I announced this news. I was, and remain, completely overwhelmed by the outpouring of sentiment. I know that I've been hugely lucky to have had the chance to do this job at all, and to know that it's mattered to others means a lot. On that note, also thanks to Anticlown Media for giving me this opportunity in the first place, and for giving me such freedom and support in building this dumb thing. It's been fun. It seems many of you are wondering why I Watch Stuff is shutting down. As you could and did guess, it's largely financial. Being a small, simple, non-very-clickbaity website is becoming increasingly difficult to get by on, and, unfortunately, it just didn't make sense to keep going any longer. And anyway, I had to stop at some point, right? As for what's next for me, I'm honestly not sure. I haven't had any real time off in years, so currently my only fully thought-out plan is to willfully avoid entertainment news for a couple weeks. If you'd like to know what I end up doing, or want to contact me for whatever other reason (solicitation, schemes, etc.), I'm @markinternet on Twitter. Now I'm gonna go throw up. Love, Mark
Thu, 28 Jul 2016 13:42:17 -0800(image) Finally, the Superman that looks like the Canadian guy from 30 Rock doing a sketch about Superman. Have a look below to see his full rigid, action-figure pose.
Thu, 28 Jul 2016 12:10:09 -0800(image) Disney is reportedly developing a sequel/reboot to The Rocketeer, the 1991 Joe Johnston film that was, like Johnston's Captain America: The First Avenger, a '40s serial-inspired film that really would have been so much better had Spielberg actually done it.
Thu, 28 Jul 2016 09:24:07 -0800(image) After being saved himself in Saving Private Ryan, Interstellar, and The Martian, Matt Damon finally gets to be the savior. The white savior, but still. In The Great Wall, Damon is joined by Game of Thrones' Pedro Pascal on the title structure, where they team with some actual Chinese people to defend it from invaders. Also, instead of being Mongols, the attackers are weird monsters or something. At last, China's history lines up with the version of it one dreams of after falling asleep watching Hero, The Bourne Supremacy, and Tremors. The Great Wall is also the priciest Chinese film ever made and directed by Yimou Zhang (House of Flying Daggers), though, so despite everything else, at least it looks better than the ridiculous revisionist histories the U.S. has been making. (I'm looking at you, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.) Check it out:
Thu, 28 Jul 2016 08:11:05 -0800(image) Does Rogue One: A Star Wars story see cameos from new Han Solo, Alden Ehrenreich, or willfully forgotten Anakin Skywalker, Hayden Christensen? Common sense would say no, of course not; why would you even think that given the context of this film? But as for Lucasfilm's official stance on the matter? Very similar!
Thu, 28 Jul 2016 07:01:11 -0800(image) From Mel Gibson, now simply credited as "the Academy Award-winning director of Braveheart" rather than "racist scream machine fueled by drunken rage," here's the trailer for Hacksaw Ridge. The film tells the story of Desmond Doss, a Seventh-day Adventist who was drafted into World War II but, per his religion, refused to shoot anyone or even carry a gun at all. And though that left his arms free to dance, dance, dance, his religion discouraged him from doing that as well. It was surely a real bummer. Nonetheless, Doss went on the front lines of the Okinawa battlefield and ended up saving many of his fellow soldiers, and he consequently became the first conscientious objector to receive the Medal of Honor. In Hacksaw Ridge, he's played by Andrew Garfield, who stars alongside Teresa Palmer, Sam Worthington, Vince Vaughn, and Hugo Weaving. Take a look:
Wed, 27 Jul 2016 13:25:04 -0800(image) Sony has sorted out at least one of the unseen male voices that will tell Charlie's Angels what to do. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Pulitzer prize-winning Proof playwright and screenwriter David Auburn will pen the new the Charlie's Angels reboot Pitch Perfect 2's Elizabeth Banks is attached to direct. (Notably, Auburn also wrote the bat-shit crazy, bewilderingly high-concept romance The Lake House, if that's any indication of what a Pulitzer's worth.) Details on the project aren't yet known, but it's said Auburn was brought on "to create rich, fully developed characters and not just pretty faces plugged into action," as the studio wants "a more female-empowerment message [to] be further amplified in the latest outing." About time Charlie's Angels had a strongly feminist message that still doesn't quite extend to not being condescendingly labeled as a man's beautiful property.
Wed, 27 Jul 2016 13:05:30 -0800(image) Here's the trailer for Ithaca, this historical drama that your parents are going to see together as a little date, and when you visit them next, they'll tell you how it was. Meg Ryan makes her directorial debut on the film, which centers on a teenage telegraph messenger whose brother has gone to fight in WWII, leaving him to take care of his widowed mother (Ryan). Dad will think that it was a pretty good story even if he would have skipped some of the slower parts. Mom will like that John Mellencamp did the music and how Tom Hanks briefly appears as the later-deceased father. "They used to be so cute together in that Sleepless in Seattle and that one... oh, you know--with the emails. So that was nice."
Wed, 27 Jul 2016 11:35:57 -0800(image) It's hard to miss that Netflix's immediate cult hit Stranger Things drew a lot of inspiration from late-'70s and early-'80s sci-fi, horror, and movies called E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial. But what you may have missed are some of the more direct visual references--deliberate or not--made to those films. Well, miss them no longer! Because editor Ulysse Thevenon has put together this video showing those references off with side-by-side comparisons.
Wed, 27 Jul 2016 10:59:14 -0800(image) Like everyone else, he doesn't count The Bourne Legacy. You'll have to ask Jeremy Renner's parents about that one.
Wed, 27 Jul 2016 09:24:21 -0800(image) For his follow-up to The Visit--his best reviewed effort since the year he was erroneously dubbed "The Next Spielberg"--M. Night Shyamalan has decided to just keep running with this "teens held captive by the mentally ill" thing. In Split, Shymalan shows us the many faces of Xavier, casting a bald James McAvoy as a multiple personality disorder-afflicted man who kidnaps a trio of girls (The Witch's Anya Taylor-Joy among them). If these young women hope to escape, they're going to have to play the personalities against each other. They're also going to have to put up with so, so much Acting. Have a look:
Wed, 27 Jul 2016 08:31:45 -0800(image) You get a winged centaur! You get a winged centaur! You get a winged centaur! Yes, everybody gets a winged centaur, because Oprah Winfrey is joining Disney's A Wrinkle in Time adaptation. According to Variety, she's already in final talks to take a major role in the film, which is being directed by Ava DuVernay. Winfrey, who already worked with DeVernay on Selma, would reportedly play Mrs. Which, an immortal, angelic being who has no fixed form but appears most often as shimmering light. Just like the real Oprah!
Tue, 26 Jul 2016 13:59:52 -0800(image) After breaking the news that Adam Sandler's next comedy will co-star Jennifer Hudson, THR now has the exclusive scoop that the film will also feature all those other fucking guys you already assumed would be in it in some combination. Like a Taco Bell in shorts, Sandler loves repurposing the same eight or so ingredients into some new piece of lazily-consumed trash that, ultimately, will become a red-hot pile of shit. Unsurprisingly, he's also doing that for his upcoming Sandy Wexler, as it's reported that usual suspects Kevin James, Rob Schneider, Terry Crews, and Nick Swardson have joined the film. In declining order of predictability, Colin Quinn, Arsenio Hall, and New Girl's Lamorne Morris will also be involved.
Tue, 26 Jul 2016 12:41:36 -0800(image) A series about people singing karaoke in a car is headed to Spike TV, the network where benign late-night talk show bits go to grow into malignant cable tumors. Having already turned Jimmy Fallon's fuckin' around into Lip Sync Battle, Spike has now given a 10-episode commitment to Caraoke Showdown, a game show that borrows from both James Corden's pap playbook and Cash Cab. Craig Robinson will serve as host and chauffeur, driving around and picking up supposedly "unsuspecting" contestants who will compete in karaoke-based singing events. If you thought it was fun to watch Michelle Obama let loose in an SUV, wait until you see a couple random drunk dudes belt out "Sweet Caroline" while trying to get to another bar downtown. That would be equally entertaining, presumably! In addition to Caraoke Showdown, Spike TV has further announced plans to just continue to show old Cops episodes until Seth Meyers comes up with something where celebrities sing in the shower.
Tue, 26 Jul 2016 10:53:35 -0800(image) Directed by guys who made The Switch and with a story from the writers of The Hangover and Bad Moms, Office Christmas Party is, well, exactly what that title and collection of talent with imply it to be. That is to say: it's a raunchy comedy about a bunch of adults getting excessively drunk and out-of-control at an office Christmas party, and Jason Bateman and Jennifer Aniston are there. Also there: Olivia Munn, TJ Miller, Kate McKinnon, Jillian Bell, Rob Corddry, and Vanessa Bayer. Here's the trailer that will convince you that maybe you'd watch this on an airplane or something.
Tue, 26 Jul 2016 10:06:16 -0800(image) Now 17 years since it jumpstarted the now overly-thriving found-footage horror genre, The Blair Witch Project is once again gazing up its own starkly-lit nostrils as it turns the camera upon itself with another sequel. Simply titled Blair Witch, the film seems to line up with the current trend of sequels that re-hash the original while also acknowledging that it exists. In this case, as you'll see in the film's trailer, that means a scene where this guy sees a Blair Witch Project clip on YouTube (so modern!) and is like, "I think my sister was the sobbing snot girl who you've never seen in anything since, so let's go try to find her and in the process get Blair Witched ourselves." There is one notably surprising element to this otherwise straightforward sequel wearing its forebear's skin, though: Blair Witch is, respectively, written and directed by the talented You're Next and The Guest team of Simon Barrett and Adam Wingard. I'm going to need to stand in a corner and think about this one for a while.
Tue, 26 Jul 2016 08:25:49 -0800(image) Apparently worried that their planned Speedy Gonzales movie wouldn't pack quite enough ethnic stereotypes into a small cartoon mammal, Warner Bros. is moving forward on their long-planned, wretched-smelling Pepé Le Pew movie. Hollywood's terribly prolific enfant terrible, Max Landis, has confirmed that he'll be writing the animated project, citing the French film Amélie and not-actually-French film The French Connection as inspirations. Think artful Parisian romance meets Gene Hackman's "Popeye" Doyle, who would now be a criminally horny skunk singularly obsessed with fucking a feline Roy Scheider. It will be the perfect companion piece for the eventual Marvin the Martian movie that will be Mars Attacks by way of The Deer Hunter.
Tue, 26 Jul 2016 08:00:04 -0800(image) You know, as far as twice-branded animated spin-offs based on toys crudely molded in the image of officially licensed comic book properties go, this could look a lot worse. See for yourself:
Mon, 25 Jul 2016 13:29:52 -0800(image) As debuted for Comic Con, here's the new trailer Doctor Strange, Marvel's first film about a superhero who really wants you to know that he went to medical school before he became a magician. Like, yeah, we get it, Doctor Strange. Benedict Cumberbatch stars in the title role and seems to have learned his gravelly American accent wholly from watching Kiefer Sutherland movies. Rachel McAdams, Tilda Swinton, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Mads Mikkelsen, and Benedict Wong co-star alongside Inception's byzantine maze of folding city streets. Take a look:
Mon, 25 Jul 2016 12:04:48 -0800(image) Well, looks like the Vulture isn't just be this weird guy wearing a green bodysuit and covered in feathers anymore. Finally, that can again solely be my look.
Mon, 25 Jul 2016 10:54:46 -0800(image) Following the mediocre critical and commercial reception for The Man from U.N.C.L.E., Guy Ritchie has returned to the proven Sherlock Holmes formula of well-known characters + Jude Law + all the stylized action, dialogue, and sinewy, shirtless fisticuffs from Snatch. In King Arthur: Legend of the Sword, he ttakes on the Arthurian tale of Excalibur, casting Charlie Hunnam as Arthur and Law as the villainous uncle holding a grip on the throne with the same tenacity as Law grasps at his retreating strands of widow's peak. Here's the trailer:
Mon, 25 Jul 2016 09:44:44 -0800(image) In Kong: Skull Island, Brie Larson, Tom Hiddleston, Samuel L. Jackson, John Goodman, and some Tropic Thunder cosplayers find themselves stuck on an island with the only reigning monarch more unbelievably enduring than Elizabeth II. I won't spoil who it is, but suffice to say that it is a king and also a large gorilla, yet it is not this really cool inflatable ape used to promote a Kia dealership. Test your guess against the trailer below.
Mon, 25 Jul 2016 08:42:36 -0800(image) You saw her fight some awful, nigh-invisible orc thing in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. Now, in a fairly benign turn, watch Wonder Woman wage war on a bunch of WWI-era soldiers and make them look like absolute chumps in the Comic Con trailer for her solo movie effort. Take a look for the fairly convincing case for glowing rope as a surprisingly cool weapon.
Mon, 25 Jul 2016 07:46:27 -0800(image) From the weekend's Comic Con, here's the first trailer for Justice League, the superhero film about Batman taking the initiative to start his own little club to make new friends. In it, we see Bruce Wayne recruiting--or at least attempting to recruit--the members of his team. From what is called a "village" but is clearly actually a homeless shelter, he finds Aquaman. From a CBS procedural's idea of a criminal hacker's apartment, he finds the Flash. From maybe an XBox One fighting game, he finds Cyborg. And Wonder Woman, well, he probably traded emails with her over Superman's corpse or something. Anyway, have a look: