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I Dreamed



Updated: 2016-09-29T02:56:15.223-05:00

 



Reverse city-access dream

2013-05-30T15:23:24.045-05:00

I've had a recurring dream all my life about trying to get into a city and being blocked by large, concrete structures--sometimes a bridge, sometimes a giant tube, sometimes a wall. 

Last night I dreamed I was stuck in the city and couldn't get out to Long Island.  I was supposed to deliver a paper at a conference there, and I was dressed too casually and couldn't get to the right train.  Eventually I got tired of trying and decided to enjoy myself. 

I went to several parties.  At one, I saw Timmy from Durango.  He had moved to the city and lived in an apartment with 30 people.  At another, I was on my back on the floor in a carpeted, sunken living room and M. Jab. was leaning over me.  I told him I was always unsure where I stood with him, and he looked at me intensely and told me he'd always been in love with me.  Then he made love to me, and he was surprisingly good at it. 

Last week I dreamed I was in a small, military-style airplane, flying over a desert.  I was throwing baby elephants out of the cargo hold.  They were supposed to fly, but many of them didn't.



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2012-04-05T07:23:40.981-05:00

I worked in a dysfunctional office environment with a large, open layout.  There were messy desks stacked on top of each other and a couple of wide walkways.  People ran through quickly.  I had been shopping and had brought back a manikin.  It was dressed in a long, ugly top and the pair of pants I had bought, and  I stood it on top of my desk as decoration.

A college student came by and showed me where I was on her schedule for helping autistic children.  I didn't want to participate, but she flattered me into agreeing to help by telling me a story.  She said she had met me when I was in high school and she was in a elementary school.  We had been in the bleachers at a football game with her little sister.  The sister was crying and struggling and I had apparently asked her to look at me and then talked her through her temper tantrum.  This had so impressed the older sister that she had decided to major in human development in college.

I looked out the windows and saw that I was on a college campus.  I saw two huge bulls bucking and running amok, flinging students off their horns.  I screamed out to the people at the desks to call 911.

I saw Matt Achemire through the walls outside at the bottom of a hill getting out of his car with his girlfriend, who worked at the office.  There was a thin strip of land, then a narrow channel of water, then high, straight cliffs.  His girlfriend and her friends came into the office and tried to get me to go with them somewhere.  I did, and when I came back, the manikin was gone.  I was furious and knew that Matt had taken it.  I yelled, "thief! thief!" and charged down the hill to his car.  He got out a surfboard and took off paddling in the narrow stream of deep water.  I followed on foot, running alongside the road on the highway.  I kept up with him until the road veered away from the water and uphill.  I could see down below where the waterway opened up and the cliffs broke up and the water flowed through and around them.  I wanted to be in that cold, clean, deep water.



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2012-04-05T07:09:23.072-05:00

I paddled out into the ocean on my surf board.  A group of other surfers, all men, paddled out behind me.  The ocean was perfectly flat and gray-green.  The beach disappeared, but I still new what direction to go to get back to it.  I asked the other surfers if the waves would ever come, and they weren't sure.  I was just visiting, and this was where they lived.  I wondered if we were being sucked out to sea, moving so fast that we couldn't tell we were moving at all.  I was worried briefly, but then I decided that I could always paddle parallel to where I knew the shore was and that would eventually get me where I wanted to go.

..................................................

I was upstairs at a complex of shops with wide, wooden planks for flooring.  There were wooden balconies and criss-crossed staircases everywhere.  The wood was a light, natural blue color.  I went down a set of outside stairs.  There was a fish restaurant  around the corner on the ground level with a door that opened to a busy sidewalk.  There was an orange extension cord attached to my back, plugged into an outlet upstairs.  I made it down the stairs and around the first corner before I came to the end of its length and had to stop.



Oh my

2012-03-29T08:26:47.757-05:00

I had a nightmare about the meaning of 'interdisciplinary.'  There were undergrads and un-cataloged ebooks there.  I tried and tried to explain and to show them where to click.  Not sure I really slept more than a few minutes at a time between 12 and 3am.  Tossing and turning, smiling and nodding "Click here! Interdisciplinary is good!  Yes!"   



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2012-03-16T20:37:30.868-05:00

I was dreaming I was where I was, which was asleep in bed, which is always horrible, except when you take off your panties and fly around the room.  This was, unfortunately, not a pantiless-flying-around-the-room dream. 

In the dream, my dog (which I do not have) was in the dining room, and he was hysterically barking at the refrigerator, which was in the dining room where the bureau is.  He jumped up onto it by leaping up against the wall where a few folding chairs were stacked, and bouncing off of them and up onto the top of the refrigerator.  I knew how scared he was, so I got up and went into the dining room and launched myself up on top of the refrigerator with him.

There was an invisible ghost there.  I felt him pushing back against me, so I bared my teeth and screeched as loud as I could while shaking my head and making claws with my hands.  Which woke me up, because I was actually doing that in my sleep.  Which was funny and made me laugh, but then I was afraid to roll over and curl up and go back to sleep for a while because I didn't want to turn my back to the dining room.



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2012-03-09T16:26:16.363-06:00

Two paralyzing dreams this past week.  The first one, I woke up on my back and was paralyzed and not breathing.  It wasn't as hard as usual to break the paralysis because I automatically gasped without having to try so hard to consciously move like you do with the usual paralyzing dream.  I took an automatic breath after just a few moments.  The second one, I was lying on my right side.  When I woke up and realized I was paralyzed, I was a little choked, but still breathing.  My arm was hanging off the bed by the night stand.  I heard that deeper-than-deep, gravely voice that I always hear in the paralyzing dreams, and it said something unintelligible.  It had three syllables.  The voice was right in front of me by the night stand, extremely loud and clear even though I don't know what it said (maybe my name?), and I jerked my arm back into the bed and sort of screamed, which broke the paralysis.  I was sitting up in bed the night after the second paralyzing dream, watching a movie on my computer.  I kept nodding off while sitting up.  It made me laugh every time I dropped off because I was sitting straight up, but it was also a little scary because when I jerked awake each time, it felt like I hadn't been breathing, like something had closed in my throat. It was funny also because it reminded me of the first time I stayed up all night.  I was in 7th grade, and I spent the night at my friend's house out in the country.  She lived on a ranch, and they had horses.  She always had great clothes, and I was so concerned about clothes at that age.  We looked through her closet, and she wanted me to tell her what I liked best.  I remember a yellow and blue striped top with a matching skirt that I liked a lot, and she laughed at me for liking it.  She was in ballet, and I had just started.  She had toe shoes already, and I wanted to try them out so bad.  She wouldn't let me, but when I had to go to the bathroom, I put them on anyway.  She came up the stairs to that bathroom a little later, and I was still sitting on the toilet, but I had taken the shoes off.  We were laughing about something as I peed, and it made me pee harder, which made us laugh even more because we could hear the sound it made when it hit the water.  The next day, she came over to my house, and we played all day.  Early that night we were going to the movies with my parents, and we were all sitting in the living room of my house waiting to go.  I kept falling asleep sitting up on the couch because I was so exhausted from being awake for so long.  I remember my head falling back against the cushion and that utter release, followed by such an immediately jarring flash back to awake. There's another really strong memory I have about her and her mom.  We were in the mall at Scotty's Wine & Cheese Shop, and she and I had ordered chef salads.  I don't know why we liked them so much or what exactly made them so good. We always put tons of ranch dressing on them, and it came in these squeeze-bottles that Scotty would hand out to you from under the cheese counter.  Those salads were so cold and salty and delicious.  We were sitting in a booth eating them, and her mom came in and was very agitated, telling us it was time to go.  One of the horses had gotten sick or something, and she was mad at us for ordering salads because she said they took a long time to eat.  I remember thinking about that and wondering what would have been something we could have ordered that would have been faster.  I didn't think salads were necessarily a slow-eating food.Last night I dreamed about a wedding.  I was getting married.  I've always had a hard time picturing myself in a wedding dress.  In the dream, I was wearing this ugly knee-length dress with a long train, but I [...]



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2012-02-25T08:24:25.955-06:00

It was dusk, and I sat in the grass in the front yard of a house.  I tapped my feet on the walk leading to the front porch and looked into the lit living room.  The woman who lived there was crying and stroking the body of her dead shrew, Ginger, who was laid out on the dining room table.  Her other pets were alive--a white weasel, a raccoon, a cat, a crow, and a small otter.  Ginger had reddish, striped fur and was shaped like a turnip with a pointed nose, long eye lashes, and a short, skinny tail.

Someone gave me a new car. It was a shiny, light green, VW bug with no roof.   It was dark when I got it, and I ran across a parking lot and vaulted into the front seat.  The stick shift was on the left, and I had to lean forward and reach down by my knee in order to shift. I drove it back to the house where I had seen Ginger die and parked it in front.  I knew later that it would be stolen.

I watched a video of a party I had gone to years before.  The shot was from up near the ceiling of a huge ballroom, looking down from a great distance at everyone dancing together.  I saw myself in the middle of it all, wearing a black dress and leg warmers.



Early morning dream

2012-02-17T12:08:47.513-06:00

I showed Tara a drawing I made.  It was on the wall, a small town with houses.  There was maybe a castle in the foreground.  Tara said, "Great, but you know what's the best part?" and then she looked past the castle and into the background, and we telescoped in together and zoomed through the town, with its weird, green commons, and small brick buildings, and skyscrapers and parks. 



Warm

2011-12-30T15:04:36.164-06:00

...on a beach.  The sand was tan and many other shades of light and dark browns.  I skirted Derek and Belinda, who were lying near the water, and went behind a low dune.  There was a scooped-out spot in the sand, and I crawled into it and sprawled out on my back for a sunny nap.  The cold ocean wind whistled over me, but I was in a small, protected, sun-warmed depression.  I stretched my arms and legs and enjoyed the warmth, immediately falling asleep.



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2011-12-27T09:52:44.811-06:00

I was in O* for the job interview.  I hadn't had a phone interview yet, and I wondered if they had forgotten that, or if this was just normal procedure for them.Tara and Jennifer were with me, and we stood together on the top row of a smallish stadium full of library and university employees.  The whole day was going to be a huge question/answer presentation in front of everyone.  As things were getting under way, a dark-haired man in a red sweater handed Jennifer a bouquet of red roses and said, "I understand you were a drum major--that's the glue that makes the whole organization work!  Congratulations to you."  I looked over my shoulder at him and said with disgust, "She just wore the stupid uniform and pranced in front of us with a flag--she wasn't even in band." Another man climbed up a ladder at my feet soon after this.  I looked down at him, and he looked up and said, "Well, that was the Director of the library--you just completely blew your chance here."  I was disappointed and angry with myself, but I realized that I have been being pretty negative lately and needed to stop.I was asked to step down onto a concrete platform so that people in the audience on the field could ask me questions.  It was difficult to navigate the rows of seats, tunnels, and platforms, and it look me a long time to get down to where I was supposed to stand. I lost my shoes several times, first a pair of clogs, then a pair of sandals, and I had to backtrack and search.  It occurred to me that I was under-dressed.I finally made it to the platform, and I stood looking down at everyone, waiting for the questions to start.  A young guy in a bellboy hat tapped me on the shoulder and told me that the place we had parked was being bulldozed and I should move my car.  I was very flustered, and I hoped everyone understood what was happening and that it wasn't my fault.  ThenI felt kind of resigned about all the difficulties and wondered if they were setting me up with little trials to test my composure.  I walked back with him to the parking lot and dug change out of my pocket.  I handed him handful after handful of change, but it didn't help anything.I was told that the next part of the interview would be with a smaller group of people, and I made my way down to a tent in one of the stadium tunnels.  Inside, there was a conference table with folding legs set up, and a group of librarians and staff milling around.  They were dressed very casually and some of them sat on the backs of their chairs with their feet on the table.  I had lost my shoes again.  They ignored me and asked questions of each other, and they were very hostile and rude.  I kind of liked it because it seemed like they might be a group of people who were so comfortable with each other that they could argue and fight and not hold a grudge.No one seemed to want to talk to me, so I just observed.  Two women who said they were PhDs didn't want to participate with the rest of the group and only talked to each other.  One of them had dark, spiky hair and wore a shimmery, silver t-shirt and black sneakers.  People started wandering away, and I didn't want it to be over, so I decided to try to ask them questions instead.  I asked each of them to tell me an attribute that they thought would be important for a person in the position for which I was interviewing to have. Before we could get very far, I was asked by an older gray-haired, hippie man wearing a Hawaiian button-down shirt and flip-flops to come get in his car and go for a drive.  I went with him.  The car was filled with librarians, and I sat in the front passenger seat.  They leaned over the seat and asked me personal questions and talked about astrology.&nb[...]



In the morning

2011-12-26T20:14:26.010-06:00

...was having sex with someone in an alcove at a football stadium. I had earlier complained at a help desk in a library that there were no study rooms available.  I was kicked off of a computer in a small room meant for faculty, and from there, had gone to the alcove at the stadium.  A stage mom was on her way and I was afraid to get caught, so I frantically put my cheerleader uniform back on and rolled the guy under a curtain.  When the stage mom arrived, I demanded that the room be made private and neatened up.  Instantly there were thick carpets, sparkly drapes, heavy wooden tables, and deep comfortable recliners.



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2011-12-23T11:08:25.261-06:00

I was a man looking at myself in the bathroom mirror.  I had dark eyes, short dark hair, and dark skin, and I was handsome.  I repeatedly flicked cocaine at my face and then sniffled and rubbed my eyes and nose.

Then I watched the man from outside of my/himself as we shaved.



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2011-12-12T08:01:35.759-06:00

.....had to retrieve various items from a timeless, space-like void.  It was black and immense.  I navigated through the space simply by putting my arms by my side and zooming straight down through the black until I saw an item.  A lot of them were in silver boxes, arranged in a grid, but with enormous spaces between each thing. Specifically I had been sent to look for the sewing kit that had belonged to a friend's mother.  Sometimes I zoomed too fast and went right past an object.  Then I would slowly rise up again until it came into view.  Occasionally there were shelves with a lot of objects placed together.  I hovered there long enough to paw through them a little bit, then I zoomed down or sideways to the next thing.

....second night in a row that I've dreamed I was in love and loved by musicians.  I think both times it was someone from Guided by Voices but didn't look like anyone familiar.  I think it was a different person each night, but with the same dark hair and scruff. 



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2011-12-10T08:52:33.591-06:00

...in a strange house somewhere with many rooms.  It was some sort of business having something to do with newspapers and magazines.  It was in an ugly area--vaguely industrial with dirty sidewalks and ramshackle store fronts. There was a large open garage across the street.  I saw a huge dog pacing in and out of the garage, looking bewildered.  It cried and whined.  I told someone in the house that it was an Irish Wolfhound and that it had been abandoned.  I felt so sad for it, almost sick with pity.  Another, smaller dog ran up and down the street, as well.  He belonged to someone there with me in the house.

I looked down at my legs and was surprised and frightened to see that there were two long, thin, dirty-green tubes hanging out of my calf.  I wondered how long they had been there, growing longer and longer without me noticing.  There were actually several pairs on both legs.  The tubes were heavy, as though filled with sand, and seemed alive.  The weight of them tugged at my skin.  I got a pair of scissors and cut them away close to the skin, then pulled them all the way out.  They left sucking, round, red holes.  I went to a dermatologist in the basement to ask what was wrong.  She took me out to her truck, pulled down the tail gate, and we sat on it together and looked at my legs.  I pointed to one of the holes and noticed a big, clear plastic tube jutting out of my shin.  I remembered that I had had surgery some years ago and that the doctors must have left it in.  I pulled it all the way out, and though it didn't hurt, it was a sickening feeling.



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2011-12-09T13:24:53.750-06:00

I was at a party in the woods, in a dilapidated house with many rooms.  Tara kept trying to introduce me to her cousin.  He was a short, bald, Jewish man in his 40s.  He offered me hot tea in a fancy golden cup with a metal straw shaped like a tiny snake and a plate of something that looked like pulled taffy but that I was pretty sure was chicken.  I declined the taffy/chicken but sipped the tea, which was very sweet, through the cold straw.  I left to go into another room and I overheard the man make a comment about me to his mother.  He said, "She's got a step-father, so of course she's not a suitable bride."

I was sitting in the backseat of a car.  There was a man in the driver's seat I didn't know, Tara was to my left, and a woman with light-colored hair who I also didn't know was to my right.  Her name was Tannaquil.  We sat close together, scrunched up against the back of the seat with our feet lifted off the floor.  We all had long hair and wore white t-shirts.  I felt very quiet and peaceful.

Tara pointed to a tank-like vehicle parked next to us. There were three Russian spies looking out its window at us. They also had on white t-shirts, had light-colored hair, and wore military-looking bandanas around their wrists and foreheads.  They wanted Tannaquil--who I realized was some kind of a spy-colleague to them--to get back in their tank-thing.  They gestured at her and looked impatiently at us. I hoped she would stay, because I was happy sandwiched between her and Tara, just all being quiet together.

Our driver started to drive away, and the spies got angry that Tannaquil wasn't with them.  They drove right next to us as we moved faster and faster and started shooting at us.  I realized right away that our car was obviously bullet-proof, because the bullets were sliding backwards off the glass like rain drops in a high wind.  It was very beautiful and peaceful, and the three of us sat still and quiet, feeling snug as we sped along.  The tank slowed down and pulled behind us.  I was scared that the rear of the car wouldn't be bullet-proof and we would all be shot in the back, but it was just like with the windows.  I could feel a gentle wind and hear a small hiss as each bullet struck the car, and the fabric on the seat rippled in tiny, bullet-sized circles.

We slowed down to drive into a neighborhood and passed another tank with its gun trained on us.  I asked the driver if our car could withstand the tank's giant gun.  He calmly pulled over and stopped, so I decided the answer was no. I was impressed that he wasn't afraid to stop, and I felt confident that things would continue to go well.



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2011-11-21T09:59:14.910-06:00

I was Mozart in the 21st century.  He/I was a lush with a stand-up act who liked to go into local businesses and sing with the people there.  Everyone looked forward to his arrival because they knew they would be allowed to close the doors and have a party.

He/I drive down an interstate in a tight network of cars that I thought of with affection as my wolf pack.  The road was shiny and slick with lots of curves, and we drove too fast, bunched into a small group.  Sometimes I levitated my car so that I could fly above the others.

I drove to a city and walked up a set of marble stairs to an insurance office.  Two women were sitting at desks, and when they saw me, they looked at each other, smiled, and brought out bottles of wine.  One of them put on a red parka and tightened the hood around her face.

Then I was Mozart's wife.  She/I was a sad ballerina , and she and Mozart frequently forgot about each other.  She lived in a small apartment above a stage and sometimes came down to perform.  The only audience for these performances would be the stage hands, and her costumes were always a little dusty.



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2011-11-11T07:44:26.618-06:00

Two men sat on Adirondack chairs.  Both of them held electric guitars upright between their knees and played a song together.  They used metal wands to manipulate the strings.  I loved the song they played.

I was on a raft, which was also a kind of flat-topped car, floating in the surf.  There were 10 women with me, and the raft was dotted with barrels.  We moved sideways, back and forth with the tide in about three feet of water.  The raft was suddenly swamped by a wave, and one of us fell overboard, as well as a TV and some kind of small, empty cage.  The woman who fell over couldn't swim, and even though the water was shallow, we all desperately searched for her, splashing through the foamy waves.  The sand was light tan and there were small boulders here and there.  I couldn't see her.  A grandmother appeared to us, standing on a boulder farther out in the water.  She told us that the woman who had fallen off was safe.  She had staged her own drowning as a warning to the rest of us to stop arguing over cookies.  I sat on the edge of the raft and wept with relief.



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2011-11-11T07:36:25.022-06:00

I was in Texas, and I rode my bike to Heather W.'s house for a visit.  She was married and living in a ranch-style house with a giant basement.  She was practical as ever, no-nonsense, and comforting. I sat in a papa san chair and told her how much I hate my job.  I cried a little.  She was in the kitchen getting food ready for Richie when I looked out the window and saw five black tornadoes hanging like wriggling worms from a large cloud.  We ran to a back bedroom, and I curled up in a corner next to a pile of stuffed animals.  There was a window opposite me, and the shade wasn't pulled down all the way.  I could see out only a little bit, and I repeatedly crawled over to see what the sky was doing.  Maressa was there, too, and she and Heather sat on the bed and talked.  I checked the sky again, and I saw people hanging out of the bottoms of the tornadoes, kicking their legs as they were carried toward us.  Heather took me outside and tried to get me into a boat in her driveway.  He house was at the top of a steep hill, and I looked behind us and saw that we were in the foothills of some mountains I didn't know were there.  They were dusty and brown with squatty trees and brambles.

Then I was watching a lizard/bird animal crawling over the mountains blasted bare.  The ground was blackened with red squares of magma every few feet.  The lizard/bird crawled on its belly, looking at the dark spots on the ground.  Then I was the bird and I saw my reflection in a shiny silver puddle.




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2011-09-30T07:04:13.214-05:00

I stood on a sidewalk under trees looking up the wall of a skyscraper.  I watched as Dr. Grey and Dr. Sloan climbed out of a window near the top and tipped over the edge. Then I was Dr. Grey, and I was happily falling down the side of the skyscraper.  Ropes were tied to our feet, and we hit their ends somewhere in the trees.  We swung back and forth, opposite of each other, making huge arcs across the sidewalk and into the trees and brush.  We couldn't stop laughing. 

I was in a small group of people, all of us sitting on folded chairs.  There was a set of panels with images of snakes on them at my feet.  An old man stood behind me and lectured about the panels and about archaeology.  I was taking notes and doodling and thinking about other images I'd seen like the snakes.  The man stopped talking, and it got very quiet.  I knew he was staring at the back of my head waiting for me to turn around to see why he had stopped talking.  He suspected that I wasn't paying attention to him.  I continued to doodle and write and think.  I was going to out-wait him.  Then he tapped me on the shoulder and asked me to walk with him.  We walked toward a cafeteria to eat pancakes.  He told me that I was a terrible student, and I snapped back at him that he was vain and that I was the best student he was ever likely to see. 



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2011-11-07T06:36:49.512-06:00


It was dark, and I was running across a green meadow bounded on two sides by narrow, paved roads.  A flash of white light in the sky caught my eye, and I stopped running to look up.  I turned around as the white light passed over head, and I saw that it was the falling satellite.  It was whole, not in pieces, and it rotated end over end with a whooshing sound.  It hit the earth some miles beyond me and there was an enormous explosion.  Satellite debris flew back up into the air and began to rain down.

I dodged the spinning, falling chunks and crawled under a bus parked on the road next to the meadow.  The bus began to lower down over me, so I scrambled out.  The man sitting in the driver's seat opened the door and beckoned for me to get in.  I did, and then stood next to the door facing the driver as he drove away.  There was a family in the front seats, and they sat quietly and watched me.

Soon I told the driver to stop and let me out.  He told me he would not because I was destined to ride the bus with them forever.  I grabbed the lever, opened the door, and started screaming "kidnapped!"  "kidnapped!"  I made the words come out of my mouth and write themselves on a large piece of cardboard that taped itself to the top of the bus.  Then I jumped.


I wandered around a city that looked like NYC, but that I knew was New Orleans.  I saw 25th street and thought I might be in Tara's neighborhood, so I turned down it and went to buy a slice of pizza.  I waited for her on the front porch of her house.



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2011-09-14T07:22:42.787-05:00

A small black bear hung from a fire escape on the second floor of a brick building.  A woman lassoed him, then pulled herself up the rope next to him.  She put her arm around him, and they slowly back-flipped down the rope side-by-side.  I was waiting for them.  I knelt on the ground in front of an apple-green blanket, on which lay three small dogs. They each had a silver water bowl.  The bear climbed onto my lap, and the woman sat next to me.



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2011-09-01T18:59:14.107-05:00

I sat in the dark in the living room.   A small animal came in through the sliding glass door and walked across the carpet.  I went over to shoo it back out into the yard.  When I got it through the door, I saw that it was a small, light brown dog with curly fur.  He wore a collar, and a twenty dollar bill and a hand-written note were wrapped around it.  The note read, "I can't take care of the dog anymore." 



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2011-08-31T07:23:12.859-05:00

I was in an enormous building on a college campus, sitting on a bed, sorting IBM punch cards. It occurred to me that the building could use at least two book-return bins from the library.  I was swept up into a fast-moving line of people snaking down a wide hallway.  The line circled back on itself and cut through a bigger line of people in rows of three going in the opposite direction.  



Love dream

2011-08-25T06:32:16.793-05:00

I was in love with someone who loved me as much back.  He was my height with a lithe but strong build and red hair.  He was younger.

I met him in a concrete courtyard outside the library.  I had been at work all day, and it was near the beginning of the term. New students workers were in my department, and everyone was running around chaotically.  I tried to organize work to do, but things kept falling apart.  It was a happy feeling, though.  Everyone was in a good, celebratory mood. I kept finding myself naked.  I also sometimes had bags of blood attached to my head and covered by big, loose swatches of white gauze.  I didn't make much of an effort to find clothes or explain myself.  Once I ran across a meadow of flying white paper, but the pieces turned into biting butterflies made out of styrofoam.  I crunched through them and they pierced my feet.

At the end of the day, I went out to the courtyard.  A troupe of performers--acrobats, actors, jugglers, and ballerinas--were gathered in the grassy areas surrounded by the bowl of concrete.  I sat and watched.  This is when I met the redhead.

We sat on a bench together, and I saw how strong and competent he was.  I knew he could do anything and that I could trust him.  Everyone was being rowdy.

I can't describe what happened next.  Later we were in bed together, and we started to have sex, but I stopped us because we didn't have a condom.

I introduced him to Mom, and he & I sat in the hall together at the top of a set of stairs.  He was calm and confident.  He showed her a video of us--how we met, when we kissed.  Then the video stopped on a scene where he and the performers were brawling near the bench in the courtyard.   Mom disapproved, but I didn't let her feelings change the way I felt.  I knew the brawling was alright.

We rode a snowmobile together up a set of railroad tracks.  I held his tiny green baby the size of my thumb made out of play-do.  I had him wrapped in tissue against the snow.  I kept thinking that I was killing him, and I would look at him very closely until he moved. 

We stopped at a trail head and got off the snow mobile to sit in the snow and look back down the trail.  A small group of men came up to us.  They looked official and said they wanted to collect our excrement, which they were willing to pay for.  They said they were from the Tea Party and were doing research.  We told them we had just arrived, and didn't have any poop to sell them.  One of them got angry and stomped on the ground near me.  I didn't think anything of it, and I didn't feel threatened.  I barely noticed him.  I didn't think it was directed at me, but the redhead knew that it had been.  He walked right up to the stomping man, gave him a warning look and stomped back, then walked backwards away from him.  It sounds silly, but it was pretty great.  It was like some secret male language that I didn't need to bother learning.  It was nice that he had stood up for me when I hadn't even known I needed someone to. 



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2011-08-15T07:12:13.708-05:00

I was participating in a graduation ceremony.  I stood in my black cap and gown in a long row of other graduates.  Some of us were children.  As our names were called, each person walked toward a tall, chain-link fence with a narrow gap cut out of it at waist-height.  A row of people on the other side of the fence were there to watch, and a man on their side waited at the end of the line to hand a sealed envelope to each graduate through the gap in the fence.  When my name was called, instead of taking my place at the end of the line by the fence, I walked straight ahead and squeezed my way into the line between two children.  I saw Troy standing on the other side, and we acknowledged each other very solemnly.  The man holding my envelope was waiting for me at the far end of the line.  I nodded to him, and he walked over to me and handed me the envelope. It was heavier and thicker than the envelopes held by the children on either side of  me. No one was opening their envelopes.