Subscribe: Comments on My journey towards my little miracle: Silence is Not an Option: How to respond to uncomf...
http://gracehopeandfaith.blogspot.com/feeds/1143083375023667947/comments/default
Added By: Feedage Forager Feedage Grade B rated
Language: English
Tags:
agree silence  agree  asked  don  family  hate  mother law  mother  people  questions  silence sucks  silence  things  time  wrong 
Rate this Feed
Rate this feedRate this feedRate this feedRate this feedRate this feed
Rate this feed 1 starRate this feed 2 starRate this feed 3 starRate this feed 4 starRate this feed 5 star

Comments (0)

Feed Details and Statistics Feed Statistics
Preview: Comments on My journey towards my little miracle: Silence is Not an Option: How to respond to uncomf...

Comments on My journey towards my little miracle: Silence is Not an Option: How to respond to uncomfortable questions





Updated: 2014-08-06T22:59:57.357-05:00

 



I so understand what you mean. My mother-in-law ha...

2008-01-02T10:51:00.000-05:00

I so understand what you mean. My mother-in-law handed me my nephew and said: "Take him. I can't wait until you have a little one of your own." I know she didn't mean to hurt me. But she did. Because I don't know when this will actually happen. I look forward to meeting you on Sunday.



I could not agree more with the sentiment that sil...

2008-01-02T09:50:00.000-05:00

I could not agree more with the sentiment that silence is NEVER a good option!!!!!! I have determined to talk about my IVF and IF and Miscarriage as often as I want to, whether people look uncomfortable or not, because darn it it's MY life and it matters to me and they need to get used to hearing about it!!!!

Sorry, this subject always infuriates me!

That said, I'm so sorry that even your own family can't seem to get a grip about a gentle, caring way to suppport you....

I recently got asked about my bracelet for the 1st time. My sister asked me to give her "my hairpiece" and I explained it was a bracelet, not a hairpiece. She was so enthusiastic about it & said "that's so cool" also.... But I wish it stood out a little more so other people would notice it too.



Oh sweetie, no one could even mention a "wow?" Ho...

2007-12-30T23:21:00.000-05:00

Oh sweetie, no one could even mention a "wow?" How awful!!! I hate that stunned silence, too.

Big hugs.



I've had a tough time explaining it - with some pe...

2007-12-30T20:43:00.000-05:00

I've had a tough time explaining it - with some people I say it's a personal thing cuz I think they will piss me off with their response, with some I explain it and then wait, hoping for a good response. It's a hard thing when you're put on the spot for it, so respond how you need, based on the person:-)

Re your other post re the cards - I may have to burn mine. Brilliant idea.



I, too, hate silence. Granted, I hate hearing ign...

2007-12-30T17:44:00.000-05:00

I, too, hate silence. Granted, I hate hearing ignorant comments too, but one can not ask for both to be changed. I'm sorry you're not getting the response from your family that you need. I know the way ppl act when it's "God's supposed to fix it." God might be the one who creates life, but that doesn't mean he created everyone with minds that are considerate of others. Ppl at my church have said stupid things, things that hurt. But the silence...I recently had an email sent to me via myspace from someone I don't really care for, but I put up with. She asked how we were doing on having a baby and she'd heard from her fiance (who's friend's with the hubby) that we'd been having trouble and she just couldn't imagine. So, I took the opportunity to "educate" on the hardships (naive me again) of IF-the short version-and how things ppl say hurt. Guess what I got? Silence. Haven't heard anything. Love it.

P.S. I love the idea of the book title...Silence is not an option.



If you're not ready to respond to the answer to th...

2007-12-30T17:36:00.000-05:00

If you're not ready to respond to the answer to the question your asking, you shouldn't ask it in the first place. Duh...common sense there. It's always amazing how many people are lacking in these basics of human conversation and relating.
Sorry for the multitude of annoying moments for you.



I think saying nothing is worse than saying the wr...

2007-12-30T15:54:00.000-05:00

I think saying nothing is worse than saying the wrong thing. But I didn't know this until I had a miscarriage when people had known I was pregnant. The ones that said nothing hurt me the most.
I have to bear in mind that I only learned that then, some people just don't get it, they aren't nasty. They just don't get it.



I think there should be a happy medium between you...

2007-12-30T12:09:00.000-05:00

I think there should be a happy medium between your family's silence and my mother-in-law who thinks it's okay to be all in our IF business or my mother who asked me last month when we're starting treatment again. Couldn't she at least wait until the triplets sleep through the night??????



Excellent post! Your suggested responses are perfe...

2007-12-30T11:50:00.000-05:00

Excellent post! Your suggested responses are perfect. I'm adding this post to my permanent links.

I'm sorry that silence seems to be the awkward response that comes from those you would hope could offer more in the way of support.

Kudos to you for continuing to speak out and educate.



I agree, the silence sucks. But, I always welcome ...

2007-12-30T11:22:00.000-05:00

I agree, the silence sucks. But, I always welcome an opportunity to educate someone. Even if they sit there in awkward silence after, perhaps they will think twice in the future about asking such personal questions. Or just be better prepared for the possible answer next time.

I also never got asked about my bracelet by anyone but friends who already knew about our struggle. I so hoped to make a connection with it while out shopping or something. Hopefully it'll happen for you someday!



I can't help but chuckle a little. I think I've re...

2007-12-30T05:32:00.000-05:00

I can't help but chuckle a little. I think I've reached evil bitch stages because I'm honestly to the point that the awkward silence PLEASES me.

Well, I suppose that isn't always true. With my family, it bothers me. My MIL, it bothers me. They're SUPPOSED to be supportive, damn it. Not pretend it's not happening.

But everyone else, it pleases me. When they ask a stupid, nosy question, I am pleased when they are uncomfortable. In the silence, I usually chuckle and say "Aren't you glad you asked.."
Usually they mutter "well, uh.. I didn't know.."

That's why you shouldn't open your mouth, people.

I'm sorry they aren't supportive or even comforting..



WOWI'm sorryCoolLet me know if you need anythingIn...

2007-12-29T21:44:00.000-05:00

WOW
I'm sorry
Cool
Let me know if you need anything
Interesting
I never knew
Tell me more
PLUS
I'm praying for you &
I'll meet you for drinks.
Sorry if i've ever bee part of one of those awkward moments.



Silence does suck. My family is more the compulsiv...

2007-12-29T14:16:00.000-05:00

Silence does suck. My family is more the compulsive problem solver sort (my mother suggested eating more salmon and drinking reverse-osmosis water), but silence I think is worse. Good for you for having an honest and dignified answer in the midst of it.



I don't even think it's saying the right or wrong ...

2007-12-29T12:57:00.000-05:00

I don't even think it's saying the right or wrong thing--the silence just sucks.

I was actually looking for bracelets this morning. I was sitting in the clinic so...duh...everyone is IF. But still, I wanted to see if anyone else was wearing one.



While I am "in the know" about the IF situation, I...

2007-12-29T12:27:00.000-05:00

While I am "in the know" about the IF situation, I wonder if I am similarly clueless about other situations. Like: someone is newly facing cancer. Do I know the right things to say? Someone loses a job. I might say, "how is the job market -- will it be difficult to find another one?" Maybe that's exactly wrong.

I'm sorry you were met with such stunning silence, Sunny. But maybe they just don't know any better (even though you could argue they should).

We should have an IF blogger cruise!



I hate it when people ask me questions like that. ...

2007-12-29T11:51:00.000-05:00

I hate it when people ask me questions like that. It has always been my opinion that it is none of their business. And what a rude question, too!



I completely agree! On Christmas day my mom was g...

2007-12-29T10:36:00.000-05:00

I completely agree! On Christmas day my mom was giving me a hard time about not being "forthcoming" enough and how she doesn't know what is going on (never mind that I started a separate blog for family) so I started to explain things to her...and she changed the subject. It was Christmas afterall, we should talk about happy things

I agree, silence and ignoring it just make it worse