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Daily Thoughts



Daily thoughts is what it says! An ongoing rant about my Daily Thoughts! Having the possibility to contain; angry, sad, happy, impulsive, political, subversive, coercive, assertive, emotional, fiery, energised, cosmic, bullshit, bollocksy, opinionated, ra



Updated: 2018-03-06T02:47:18.979-08:00

 



The LUNATICS have taken over the ASYLUM....?

2010-10-25T15:13:32.425-07:00

For sure they have... Now just look at this....


http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2010/oct/24/forests-government-heritage-private-developers


Blood boiling news....



Where have I been?

2010-10-07T17:49:41.287-07:00

Busy and not busy..what a cliche that is?

1. I was made redundant in July
2. Dossing around the house has been fun
2a. Holidaying. 2 holidays. Jimera de Libar en Espagne! Kobenhavn Danmark. Reigniting old friendship with lovely Danish friend.
3. Eldest son returned home from above land.
4. Almost 6 feet under but not..long story but here nonetheless
5. Contemplating life as an archivist
6. Finally come to terms with the fact that my head has been elsewhere for a long, long time
7. 5 poems to be published in a book of poems! Thanks Mr Pape.
8. Pissed off with the TORIES. YES, VERY PISSED OFF!
9. Trying to finish decorating bathroom in Victorian/olde English style
10. ? I will return soon to continue..oh yes I will! Greetings and love to all buddies in cyberworld..



Victory for the Greens and the first MP in Parliament

2010-05-07T03:49:43.835-07:00

OK, so the election results are up in the air and insecure right now but I really can't contain my excitement about Caroline Lucas becoming the first Green MP in Parliament; great news indeed and I feel proper chuffed about this and what this may mean for Green policies of the future. The people of Brighton have done the party proud and indeed, many of the old left wingers seem to back her manifesto.
Interesting times right now and let's watch this space to see what the next week or so brings to the new British Government.

I will return when I have more time but off to pack my bags to see the manc!



Plaid

2010-04-26T16:15:59.635-07:00

Need I say more about their music?? Revisiting them at the mo and my....



Hoo Haa, election time and walking the wonderful Manc Moors

2010-04-21T06:08:13.096-07:00

Who to vote for in this sad old climate of politics? Well, me being such an old skool labourite leftie, I fear it is time to make a radical turn away from their centre to right modern policies to something a little more radical. And the only solution to that is of course The Greens. I have now read their manifesto twice and have decided that their pledges are waht I feel most strongly about and thus, I have to vote for a party who reflects my own values and politics. Many an article I have read by Caroline Lucas and other Greens makes complete and utter sense to me..Of course you get the old arguement that a small party vote is a wasted vote but of course a small party, like small things have the ability to gwo and get bigger, so Green it is for me. I await with anticipation at the results of the elction but my dreaded fear is that the Tories will reign supreme..
Onwards Green I go...

The Pennine Way? Has anyone walked from Crowden to Edale part of the path? The man and I are planning to do this part of the way for our year anniversary. Our starting point at Longendale is truly gorgeous, big wide expanses of reservoir, which we've cycled the most of this area but when looking online at the Pennine Way, the horror stories make me laugh and wonder if I need to go on an emergency orienteering course. We will be camping along the way and of course taking compass and maps but it would be good to hear others experiences of this great part of the world. Indeed when I think of the North West, I love the hills surrounding Manchester and there's so much open space once you get out of the city..One day in the long future, it would make me happy top move up north just for this vast countryside and hills reason..



I am loved...

2010-04-13T16:01:50.307-07:00

Yes, I can honestly say that I am wholeheartedly and genuinely loved by a truly lovely man. Nearly a year of love has simplified so many things and yet brought to the fore so many hurdles that I am slowly but surely working through. A year of long distance travelling to be with the love and yet the flame still burns as it did on that first May weekend.
And yet we do so many simple things that life has become very simplified and this is good for me, for I have the chance and time to reflect and things have started to properly click into place at last and I now know that with love, brings peace and solace.
I will return soon to write about what is happening in my world but for now, the true man of my life has set me free..



Axed but starting to get the feeling of being interestingly free...

2010-02-25T15:03:09.278-08:00

Today it was announced that all of my work's division is to be axed as from July. Yes, the college I work for is in financial mess and thus, they are axing over 200 jobs meaning, the people I teach are not high priority..this being homeless people. Now, I could get into a long debate about the widening participation agenda and the hypocrisy of this but you know what? I can't be fuckin arsed. In many ways, I feel that the change for me is a welcome change. Don't get me wrong, I feel for those with a mortgage etc and as a unionist, I guess there will be strikes about these cuts which of course I will be active on, but in many ways, I am ready for a change. Whatever that may be? Who knows but maybe a complete change from the burn out work that teaching has become and maybe something a little more holistic, conservation or some such. we'll see. The money side of things will be a weird thing to get used to but in some ways, I am prepared to be skint for a while as I have been so in the past..
I have been off work for 6 weeks with anaemia, and this isn't improving as yet. I suspect, as the Dr says, I will feel better after the tablets have taken effect over the next few months. Debilitation and tiredness is not much fun when one wants to get back on track with life.
I did my first proper guided Zen meditation this week. Talk about intense! But, the experience was a good one and one that I would like to continue with as much as possible. To be able to let go as such for a long length of time is a feat in many ways but it proved good for me..so much so, I couldn't sleep last night and had a revelationary dream!
So things are moving and changing in my world and I will return to report to my cyber buddies when I get that free moment or two! and you know what, I feel sort of excited about what may be around the corner and what possibilities could be out there. Watch this space!



Hibernating January

2010-02-02T15:00:54.681-08:00

January started off so well but 3 weeks ago, I got hit by an awful virus which has subsequently left me with what the Dr terms, Post Viral Syndrome. Generally this means that I have been wiped of all energy, my ear tubes have been blocked and thus, my ear plays sounds of buzzing continually which is painfully annoying. I have spent most of the time in and out of bed recouperating and off work! Strange that these viruses knock the body for six! My man came over to stay with me for 2 weeks whilst I have been ill and showed me a lot of love and offered his support which was very kind and sweet of him..we did manage to go out one night for a curry and a lovely walk through the park admiring the stars..Sadly he had to go back yesterday which always depresses me for the first day that he's gone..but today, I woke up with a sense of finding some spirit again and trying to do a little more in the hope of feeling generaly better and a tad towards recovery!I visited a good friend who is going to give me a massage in return for me cutting her 1 year old son's hair - a good swap if you ask me and all without exchanging a penny! I also went to a Tai Chi class which I really enjoyed and enjoyed feeling the 'chi' in the tips of my fingers..really special feeling.

Whilst being ill I have also come across a great website called justfotheloveofit.org. This is a community based website aimed at people swapping their skills for free..a free economy one might say and worth joining if you believe and indeed would like to share the ethos/skills.. Apart from that, there is nothing much more to share in Sara world..Let's hope a speedy recovery ensues!



My heart goes out to Haiti

2010-01-15T12:51:32.525-08:00

Just a quick look in here to say that my heart goes out to Haiti and its people right now..what a sad state of affairs when you consider that the general UK populace moan about such triviality as the snow - Puts it all into perspective and here's sending cyber thoughts of love, support and strength to those suffering so much right now..I will return when time allows...



Happy New Year to all and hope your Xmas was one of peace and serenity, reflection and love..

2010-01-05T13:02:42.256-08:00

Here we are, January the 5th 2010! Another year over, a new one just begun..which funnily enough, sounds like a John Lennon song to me! and of course, is the lyrics to Merry Christmas war is over. Anyway, I hope you all had a peaceful and happy Xmas and spent it with loved ones and special ones. My Xmas really started on the 22nd December 2009. I threw a small gathering for my friends, all of whom mean very much to me. Some could make it, others couldn't. Those who made it, well it was wonderful to catch up and remind myself what great friends I have. I was given a friend's music CD that he's finally put to disc, a bunch of flowers and some lovely chocolates - and these gifts were from my males friends, how sweet can people be? How thoughtful and isn't that what true friendships are about? Thoughtfulness, love and caring. Anyway, my gathering was alovely, warm affair with in my opinion, a good and chilled atmosphere..mulled wine, discussion, laughter and a little dancing made the night for me. Again, I will endeavour to have a gathering again towards the end of Jan and Feb to keep up to date with friends whom I don't see so much and who I miss not seeing.Long Distance relationships in many ways mean that time at the weekend is spent travelling to or from and thus, weekend friendships partying seems to take on a back burner on some levels. I hope one day the long distance issue will be respolved but time will tell on this one.Xmas Eve was spent with my son, partner and family in a nearby pub which was also a nice starter to the Yule celebrations. Xmas day was spent at home with the man and my son. We took a stroll around the university lake which was as pretty as a picture - white over and festive.After Xmas, the man and me took to The Peaks for our respective present to each other - a 2 day stay in The Peaks - Edale, the place where we met. The weather was amazing up there and we managed to do a long walk over the peaks, through a forest and all the way to Ladybower Dam and then on to Bamford. Bearing in mind, we got stook in a snow blizzard high on the hills and part way as we wondered around Ladybower. I can declare that the pub fire never felt so warming and welcoming after such a long and arduous walk!New Year's Eve was spent at home with my son and man. We arrived back late NYE and it was time for me to spend with my son this year..I enjoyed the night but was tired and would've been in no fit state for a proper hogmany bash!Anyway here are a few pics of my Xmas..[...]



Long Time No Write

2009-12-06T14:10:48.560-08:00

So it seems a long time since I last popped my head into here. I guess time has been passing me by quickly and other things have been more urgent than writing on my blog. Creative energy zapps and passes..as always. One moment I may get a huge urge to write followed by a complete dryness of writing ideas. I guess this all boils down to busyness of life and other things taking priority.
A few weeks ago was my Mum's memoriam, 4 years since her passing which in many ways, the time seems to have flown yet it feels so clear in my mind and memories..I know that a void within me took a hold the day she died and I do think it always will be as such for me.
Anyway, life must move forward and onwards....
Today I did a lovely walk with my 10 year old son around the university park, we fed squirrels and ducks and watched a wonderful Raven perch close by. I do love these birds! They are so majestic and eeery on many levels but also have an interesting symbolism with regards to folklore and magic. They are definitely a mysterious creature and the one we saw today was all of the above. It was good to get out and abouit in the fresh air and take in the cool December air and watch the water bob to and fro..such is the joy of being out in natural surroundings. During Xmas, I hope to stay in the countryside for a few nights and do plenty of walking with the man, time and money will tell. Anyway, off I dash and I will post up some poems soon that I have recently written when under my creative spell! Happy and Hearty December to you all!



Bounding energy ....

2009-09-29T14:00:11.097-07:00

All things to much energy me..My mind is an overactive atom bomb ready to explode at times but then seeking information and interests has also been a part of my personality, so let's let the atom bomb explode!!! Recently, I've been loving my foray back to William Blake land..I love this guy's work - paintings and many of his poems..Eternity? What a simple but beautiful poem..


Eternity

He who binds to himself a joy
Does the winged life destroy;
But he who kisses the joy as it flies... Read more
Lives in eternity's sun rise.


My favourite picture? Possibly Pity or Adam and Eve watched by satan - amazing picture and illustration that was used in Milton's Paradise Lost.

I've also been enjoyimg listening to a band called Glas Candy, their track Digital Versicolor is sooooo seductive! I love it!
This weekend I have a few plans up my sleeve; a possible trip to the Manchester Buddhist Centre open day and def a visit to the Salford Quays War Imperial Museum to see the exhibition about the cold war and artefacts from the Berlin wall destruction. I look forward to seeing all of the coild war history - should be really interesting!

Life is good on many levels in my world, albeit a few hiccups here and there and the need to work through certain issues..lucky that solidity is present in my world, lucky indeed..



Reflections

2009-09-16T18:40:24.668-07:00

So the creative energy has been a tad dormant of late until one day last week, Thursday or Friday I think it was whereby I had the most wonderful creative energy. I wonder whether this is to do with the changing seasons and the wild wind blowing on this very day! I cycled to the city, bought myself a fab new book called 'Sum;Forty tales from the afterlife' by David Eaglemen, which I urge anyone to read who has an interest in different possibilities or not, of what may or may not be out there when we depart this plane of life. This weekend I reach 42! 42? I remember my Mum reaching 42 and it feels odd to be thinking that I'm there.. almost! You may call me mad but I aim to visit my Mum's grave on my birthday to return to the source of where I came from.. I spoke to the man about this and he completely understood my reasoning in this..then again, he's happy to sit in graveyards in the dark, drinking wine so that's no suprise there! Yes, I return to the source and indeed, thinking about such things has led me to spread creative energy via the medium of a poem! I hope you like this one...Gobbledegook maybe but sorta makes sense to me right now...


Reflections

Reflect outwards to the mass to correct -
Correct inwards to the core to reflect.
Universally, in bondage, we connect,
Subconsciously, we accidentally select.
Energy flows in the core to reflect,
Mirrors of reflecting shards we collect..
Tides of energy atoms we select,
Universal broken path we correct
Until our true self we finally, reflect..



Revisiting the girl mother inside of me....

2009-09-01T14:21:33.049-07:00

Motherhood and family life..I have forgotten what this is like on a 'large level' if one can explain it this way; by this I mean, having more than just myself and my son to think about..but indeed, 3 children and a man. Yes, this weekend was the first time my partner's kids visited 'my gaff', as they call it in Manchester! I was a little worried as to how I would cope with this sort of invasion and my space being host to small kids again and indeed, my head and heart getting into a different way of functioning but I am happy to say, all went very well. The kids are extremely loving towards me, taken me on wholeheartedly seemingly and this weekend gave me the chance to really bond with all 3 children on an individual level and in their own rights as little people. The youngest child, now comes up and likes to be hugged by me and the middle child, insists that I am the one who brushes her hair! This girl thing? It's a whole new ball game to me, as I have only been around boys as of course, my kids are boys!
We did many activities from walking, boating, paddling, visiting nature and museums, glass painting, baking cakes, watching films, sitting in front of a garden fire and reflecting... The man is a beautiful Father, very loving, firm but fair, kind and openhearted and this to me, is a beautiful trait and indeed, shows to me such emotional maturity and loyalty.
I felt gutted when they all left to return to the North West and cried all the way back home. Why? You may well ask?
Well, I guess this weekend has reminded me what I love about family life, about how if one is truly happy with another soul then life flows freely and well, that I will never have children with the man as we both do not want any more kids and in some ways this brings a sense of sadness that we will never experience this together but on the positive we both have much to offer fellow children and this is indeed a positive thing, that I don't like to say goodbye to the man who I am deeply in love with, who understands me, who loves me, who listens and acts on promises for me, who is loyal, giving and kind...this essentially tears at my heart. But I feel truly blessed and I feel blessed that his children have taken to me with open hearts full of love too..



Finally coming back down to the real world..

2009-08-26T16:20:05.022-07:00

Time has passed since my last blog post and thus, I have been busy with holidaying and travelling to and from the North West.
Denmark was lovely; my lovely son has matured so much, he looks like a proper young man and so handsome! He loves being out there and is happy, feels free and will be starting language school next week. I feel proud of him and I also feel that this was the right move for him at this point in time in his life. We spent most nights together just chilling and catching up at being mother and son. My youngest son also enjoyed his holiday over there and was great for brothers to catch up with each other, play fight and have fun! Denmark as ever, filled me with a sense of freedom and carefreeness. Always has and I guess, always will. Cycling around Copenhagen still gives me that ultimate sense of freedom and love for the beauty of that city!

Greece was wonderful; romantic, loving, shared experiences and laughter. Spending such long time with the man was a whole new experience and of course, we got to know each other on a new and different level. He was in awe that I dared to travel alone as I had planned but then I have always been an independent soul and I do think there is some truth in middle children and issues around feeling lonely and thus, manage to become self reliant and self dependent. Anyway, our time was mainly spent swimming, snorkelling, eating in beautiful tavernas, cycling the length of the island, sunbathing and exploring - all in all, a sweet and interesting time was spent! and in many ways, I feel blessed that I have been able to experience this break.

Last night, I found out that one of my poems has been published in our local culture magazine. I feel proud, yet humbled by this at the same time and indeed, feel a sense of inspiration to write again soon. But for me, writing comes in waves and I really can not force it otherwise it feels untrue, wrong and false.. I will seek my poem out for you to read asap! Anyway a brief intro into my world and yes, it's good to be back and yet I do so miss my travels and my sense of wanderlust freedom..but you know, I guess I will always have this feeling inside of me..



Life's been busy and off I go...

2009-07-26T14:19:26.464-07:00

So things in Sara World have been busy! Weekends are mostly spent with the man and sharing precious time together that we are unable to do during the week re. living at different parts of the country but at least Manchester isn't so far and we both have the same comittment to travelling over see each other and spending time with respective kids.

This week my son and I jet off to Denmark to visit my eldest son and my friends. We are staying with a good friend in Copenhagen for 2 nights and then head off down south of Copenhagen to the coast road area, Greve Commune area, to stay in a small log cabin, close to the beach and close to where my son now lives. Spending time with him in his new country will be lovely. He's maturing so much and admitted to me that he loves being out in Denmark and as he says, feels very free. I remember feeling exactly the same when I first moved out there. So, much travelling of late and things to look forward to in Denmark..beaches, Bakken, Cafe Culture Dansk/Copenhagen stylee, catching up with family, cycling and museuming no doubt..

After our time there, we return and then off to Greece go I for a week with my man! A hardened traveller am I right now! I will try and blog more, with tales of my adventures and post up some pictures along the way!



Wild Water Swimming and Reverberation

2009-07-07T00:42:59.956-07:00

Wild water, outdoor swimming, one of the greatest feelings of them all! Yes, me and the man took a wonderful swim in an area close to Cranfleet Lock near Sawley.. a windsurfing lake that has a small beach like area. Easy to get into the water there and with a tinge of dull green about its colour, I was more than happy to immerse myself in this wilderness! We both loved it and the whole experience of swimming next to green foliage, trees and birds flying overhead felt truly ethereal. The erotic side of me loved the fact that I was experiencing this with the man and the contrast of pale white skin against a green water backdrop made me want to paint this moment for evermore! A place no doubt, where we will definitely go back to and play together in again! The man is a star and more and more, am I learning and letting myself go along with trusting and believing. This weekend, is an all kid one so that means, 4 kids between us, which should be much fun.
The man, like me, has a wild imagination but his is much more fantasy/otherworldly driven than mine and I keep telling him that he has to write down his daydreams..I guess this is a hangover from his drug fuelled days! Anyway, the daydreams are a long story that could indeed, be made into a trilogy film! He laughs when I tell him to write his stuff down cos he ain't a writer but draws and see things visual, so I offered to write down his daydreaming story - he reckons it'd take 3 years to write it all down!

Been listening to an old Smashing Pumpkins CD a fair bit over the past few weeks. Mellon collie and the Infinite Sadness. I love this album and I guess it reminds me a little about my own thoughts from the past and indeed, conquering these..My favourite tracks from the album are Galapagos, By Starlight, Farewell and Goodnight..
Just fantastic tracks and I love Billy Corgan's genius writing..

Goodnight, to every little hour that you sleep tite
May it hold you through the winter of a long night
And keep you from the loneliness of yourself
Heart strung, is your heart frayed and empty
cause its hard luck, when no one understands your love
Its unsung, and I say

Goodnight, my love, to every hour and every day
Goodnight, always, to all thats pure thats in your heart

Goodnight, may your dreams be so happy and your
Head lite with the wishes of a sandman and a night light
Be careful not to let the bedbugs
Sleep tight nestled in your covers


The sun shines, but I dont
The silver rain will wash away

And you can tell, its just as well


Genius Mr Corgan, true genius! And beautiful tunes!



Heatwaves, Jetsetting and Nature...

2009-06-30T13:54:02.652-07:00

Summer is finally here and yes, like most of the British population, I'm huffing and puffing about the heat! Don't get me wrong, I love the warm sunshine and summer but I hate the fact that there are limited outdoor swimming and paddling facilities. Today, I had a big urge to head for a swim but failed to do so and thus, I may well get up extra early tomorrow and head for an early morn swim just after my son has left for school! Me and the man semi planned to swim in a place called Audenshaw Reservoir in Manchester last weekend however, by the time we'd met each other at oxford Road, had a few beers in a lively pub, the idea seemed just too physical and thus, we ended up heading further down the Oxford Road area, which by the way, I especially like for bars! I took the man to an old haunt of mine called 'Big hands' and we then stumbled back to his in the early hours worse for wear! During the weekend, I had some time alone as the man had his daughter's party to attend so I headed off to Stockport and spent a few hours roaming around the centre. I like the old areas of this city, not so keen on the new, but the Underbridge areas and walking street are sort of nice and remind me about what the town would've been like back in past times before modern development took a hold! After roaming around and enjoying a cosy pub called the Arden Arms, I met up with the man at Stockport Station and off we went jetsetting back to Notts for another party! Both of us agreed the weekend involved far too much booze and therefore, we aim to be more active and less boozy next time we see each other! I have now met his children and this was sort of overwhelming for me in some way. They were so sweet to me and to watch him in his role as a father, was really something else..it also brought home a wave of emotions for me and also blew my mind on some level. I guess in this scenario I felt a tad sad that I would never have children with him and if we would have met at another time in our lives then maybe we would've gone down that path but we both agree that we were diiferent people in the past and thus, would have probably not even contemplated being together back then! Weird how paths take their own little routes with certain people entering life along the way. Anyway, the kids? They treated me with much love and affection and it all felt so very natural to be around them, helping where necesary and standing back when the time felt right to do so. I managed to even get a hug and kiss from the eldest daughter, who in many ways, I connected with instantly - possibly because she's at the age where she's interested in finding out about many things and seemed extremely interested in me! Today, I had a visit from a common toad! Yes, sat outside my back door amongst my bottle bank! Sweet! The little thing budged itself when it saw me and then just sat there staring.. I love these moments of nature invading my life..reminds me about what peace can be found in animals all around us! I remember a Hedgehog visiting my garden last year, which touched and warmed the heart for sure!So, 2 months since I met my man. The time has flown and yet when I am with him, nothing matters, he calms me down and brings me peace, he makes me feel better when maybe things have been tough on some level, he constantly reassures me and makes me feel beautiful, all I see when I am with him is him - indeed, sitting on the train back to Notts and all around me seem to fade into the distance when sat at his side, he is tactile and very loving and therefore, he is to me, one of the best gifts that has entered my life for a v[...]



Long time no blog post............

2009-06-15T17:22:09.048-07:00

Things in Sara world have been pretty hectic of late meaning, blogging has taken a bit of a back seat. I've been seeing a lightness and a feeling of becoming hopefully more creative and productive again. I'm hoping to design a large mirror and white tiled mosaic for my garden so that when the sun or moon shines, its light will be reflected all around into space!

Have been listening to The Shortwave Set and The Band of Horses. Band of Horses song Funeral, truly blows my mind..so melancholic yet bloody beautiful at the same time! I was led to their tunes afer the man showed me a BMX video with Funeral used as the soundtrack and after that, I had to seek out these guys' tunes!

This weekend has also been a hectic one. A party to attend Saturday, with some of my mates and brother and wife meeting the man. Hence, too much alcohol was drunk and I literally forced us to go for an early morning - 1am, bike ride down the river to watch and listen to the wonderful flowing water. He must think I'm mad, but not that he doesn't have his own mad man and outlandish moments!
Sunday, we took ourselves for a long swim, playing in the water together was great fun and such a great feeling especially when there was only 5 other people swimming in the pool!
Last night we chilled and watched a film together ready for a good night's sleep and an early wake for the man as he was commuting back to Manchester this morning 6am, to get a deadline completed with his job.

Already he's discussed moving to Nottingham..the only fear is jobs and his house. However, an art course at uni beckons him and I see no reason why I shouldn't support his dream being a reality! We'll see, still early days but when I'm with him it all feels so calm, loving and free. Don't get me wrong, I have my anxieties and I realise that my self esteem has been knocked over many years - and I'm talking 10 or more years..I guess when our exterior gets chipped at, the interior crumbles somewhat and this is where the rebuilding of oneself, on some level, has to start again. Difficult and a long battle and me being such a thinker, can be problematic. The key is to do rather than think, just as my man reminded me about a similar Bruce Lee quote. I think also, the love I receive is different from any sort of past love and this taps into childhood stuff that has never been there, hard to explain but enlightening all of the same! When asked at the party on Saturday how long the man and me have known each other, he replied, '3000 years, have I known Sara'..Blows my mind at times and thus have to really keep a lid on it!

I'm again starting to write some poems but the tone is so different, in my opinion..A good friend commented to me that she is glad to have the old Sara back - apparently, I've been gone someplace else for the last 12 years, which for an outsider to observe is an interesting and weird though indeed!

Work has been hard on some level but inspiring on another; a student of mine wrote the most fantastic article about graffiti art - brilliant stuff and gave me a real buzz to read her work and times like this remind me that my job is so worthwhile!



Weekend of wonder

2009-06-01T14:02:09.561-07:00

Another free weekend for me to spend time how I liked, so the Man came to visit me this time. It's amazing how we just happily fall into doing the things we both want to do with no issue or arguements.
We met in the city, when I saw him walk up to me my heart flipped and I just felt so lovely holding him as time stood still..we headed for a drink at a trad pub near the canal and just grounded each other.
Saturday, breakfast was cooked for me and we then headed into the city to meet a good friend of mine who was celebrating her birthday. A quick drink and birthday wishes were exchanged and then off we went around the Lace Market - I wanted the man to see the beautiful buildings of this part of Nottingham but sadly, we couldn't get into St Mary's Church grounds, so instead, we admired the fab gargoyles on this ancient church!

We then sampled all of my local boozers in the city with cocktails to end and a taxi home. Saturday was a beautiful evening so we got cosy in my garden and watched the stars until early a.m.

Sunday, we did a long walk down to the river and paddled in it - the man was going to swim in the river but the area where we landed was too shallow, even though the current is fast, the water only reached to our knees - we've decided that next time we'll head to a pond that my Dad still takes a plunge in!
The last part of our time spent together was in my backgarden lying on the grass and just having some quiet and reflective time together..to see him depart on the train was and is a wrench and leaves me feeling lonely for a day or so afterwards but that's something I need to work on and indeed, see the positives rather than dwelling on his presence being missed.

My weekends are a delight in his company and we now have to negotiate how we can se each other when he starts to have his kids every alternate weekend - guess the next step is moving towards us introducing each other to our respective kids and all hanging out together which I'm sure will have its trials, as I know these sort of set ups often do at times, but he is worth all of that and more!



Coming to terms with Real Love

2009-05-28T15:52:33.436-07:00

I live in my head and dreams. Always have done and I guess always will. I follow my heart and I throw myself in without caution. I guess this is down to the fact that I am a very passionate person and thus an emotional person.. A month down the line of being with the new man, I am realising that when real love is offered to me, on the level that the man offers to me, at times, scares the shit out of me!
Maybe I have always had difficulty accepting genuine love on some level and thus, have possibly throughout much of my life, chosen men who are 'emotionally distant or controlling'.
The new man, constantly reassures me - my trust has been broken from the past and thus, this is posing the fear of trusting again. The days away from him have in some ways, been wobbly for me and left me feeling needy and yet, I couldn't wish for a better person to rebuild my trust..as he says to me..

"I am walking beside you and I am going nowhere unless you tell me to Fuck off"

And I genuinely believe him. When I think about the words spoken to me last weekend, I have been deeply touched and need to remind myself that this love is real. To be told that he has been drawing me ( the features I have) all of his life in his facial pictures, blew me away!
This love doesn't hurt me, it supports me, it works with me, it listens and understands me, it lets me be free, it practices honesty, it's passionate and romantic and kind and caring..I could kick myself at times..
Just goes to show how low my self esteem has been. To accept a person tell you that you are beautiful, that they could draw almost every line and mole on your body is an amazing and wonderful thing..and is what I have searched for in a partner for all of my life. I now just need to work on accepting and letting love move the way it should do naturally..



Hip Manchester

2009-05-25T13:52:16.638-07:00

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Manchester, what a brill vibe going on this city! My 4 day break with the man was wonderful! The place feels sort of cosmopolitan and happening on so many levels. Of course the place also has its fair share of social problems and poverty as any other city in the UK but I actually really enjoyed my time there and loved the relaxed and buzzing feeling.
The photos? The pillars? this is a night view of Manchester Art Gallery - a brill gallery with some great works including Henry Moore, Lowry, Mogliadini to name a few. Visiting the art gallery with the new man was a treat and a beautiful and romantic experience.
The marble pillar? This is the man's local pub and apparently, used to be a bank - such a grand and beautiful building this is for sure.

The kissers? the man and me of course..

We had a great time. Walking around a large reservoir and canal, visiting the gallery, a Chinese meal out in Chinatown followed by some rauccous dancing at a brill little venue called The Tiger Lounge - playing kitsch and retro sounds..right up my street! On arrival back to the man's area at 5am, we decided to head straight home, although we were tempting each other to head to a near reservoir to watch the sun rise .BUT too much booze and tiredness deterred us though and I'm sure we'll do this another time when on my next visit and we also think we'll head skinny dipping in the reservoir - hopefully we won't get arrested!

Leaving him was hard today, really choked me up but I know that when Friday comes, he'll be zooming his way up to my open arms again and I really await to be in his arms again!



The Old Art of Letter Writing...

2009-05-19T13:54:37.480-07:00

Letter writing? Always loved doing it and always love receivinga hand written letter. Sadly, I guess people don't write handwritten letters that much anymore due to e communication..of course e communication is a good thing but handwritten letters just feel so wholesome!

I recieved a beautiful love letter today from the man..really lovely and touched me deeply. So much time, energy, patience, beauty and love is contained in this letter, that i'll treasure it so much. There's something so romantic too about receiving a handwritten letter and I guess I'm just a sucker for old traditions on some level.

Off to Manchester I trek this weekend - 3 days of bliss with the lovely man. We have lots of plans up our sleeve. The Manchester Art Gallery, The Lowry, some beautiful park with woodlands and lakes, the local pub, a pub on Oxford Road that I want to return to which I don't think the Man has ever been to. A rock/punk pub that the man wants to show me. Alongside this, we have to find a way of getting a bath! The man's boiler has broken and he isn't sure it'll be up and running for when I arrive so apparently, a trip to his Mum and Dad's might been in the equation for bathing!

Life feels so wonderfully light and beautfiul right now and my reflection is staring back at me in the pure form of he who feels like my other soul..



Relics of the Past

2009-05-16T04:58:14.191-07:00

I love old architecture and buildings and thus, remembered that a while back there was a wonderful programme on TV about restoring some of Britain's old buildings of which, Victoria Baths in Manchester was one. I remember way back then thinking how much I would love to see this Victorian relic and feel its atmosphere, decor and social divisive ways that the Victorians adhered to. So it looks like I will get the chance to see this place when I visit Manc. Talked to the man about this place and he's unaware of the building and then realised he lives really close to it!

http://www.victoriabaths.org.uk/

Both agreed that we'd like to spend alot of time wondering around looking at this piece of historical beauty! I sent a love card to the man yesterday..haven't sent one of those for a long time.. along with a poem that I wrote about him and me. Apparently, he has also wrote me a letter and I look forward to reading what he's wrote gosh! Wow, I await with a smile and I really am trying to contain myself until I next see him but it's bloody hard, my it is!



Greece? Here we come!

2009-05-13T13:36:23.515-07:00

Finalised. Greece wandering.. not alone any longer but with my boyfriend... gosh. I told him that if we hate each other by August, which I actually think is highly unlikely, I am going to push him out of the aeroplane window! Gently gently, we said but hell, no, here we go again and we've now booked his flight. Luckily, my hotel room is a double and the owner is only charging us 10 euros extra for him to accompany me. Bloody cool stuff!
I'm so excited and I know in many ways, 3 months is far too long to wait but patience is the key. Still, I can't fuckin wait either and I was told the loveliest of things today.

'Anywhere in the world would be wonderful with you'

What a lucky woman I am - Goodness has finally arrived at my door.