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Preview: .you're in our tallons now and we're never letting go.

.you're in our tallons now and we're never letting go.

Updated: 2018-03-05T08:40:23.340-08:00


[i know]


I know why there is an eating disorder for me. Aside from the culture and the pre-existing neurons that are twisted in whatever vengeful way. Sometimes I feel a pulling, a collapsing inside my chest. ( A therapist once read the words back to me from his notepad and implied me melodramatic).  It aches- My body, I mean. It lasts seconds or minutes or days. I want to inhale and inhale and inhale and

[temporary places]






I arrived home yesterday. I am only two hours off. Something kept me awake until 4am this morning though. And today it is already 2am. I am careful to sleep well when I'm with James I suppose. In central time it is four am. anyway. The rabbits zoomed through the apartment all yesterday and today. I've never seen such enthusiasm from them. Parsnip crawling up my arms, Beaumont all ear flops.

[New July/Currents]


Ninety degrees today. This is the begining of summer. And being in Love, and eating sweet foods, and sitting around with icey beers. James comes home for keeps tomorrow at midnight. The me time over the last four months has been difficult but good. It is important to know the strength of your own heart; we are always reminded. (we will sometimes make it, and sometimes not) It feels that each new



 I have found every way to fill the spaces of time.

[Just asterisms in the stars' set order]


I don't know what I'm doing with this blog. I think it has been clear that I have never set aside what its use was. I paper and pen journal constantly, streams of thoughts and documenting events. I have an [opendiarydotcom] that I've had for ten years, it is intimate and I bare myself there and I've created deep relationships with people I've never met. Their feedback is important and the way I

[I live in your tall trees, amongst your fearless leaves]


I returned home early Tuesday morning from New England. James spoiled me like a princess. I can't recall being spoiled so. We went to The Duck and Bunny one night and adventured to Newport for (my first) high tea another. (The Duck and Bunny) (High Tea, and why I'm in Love) James returns for one week tomorrow night. We already have a couples massage in Walingford planned, along with tasty dinners

[baker street]


+ Three days until things level out. I have to fly for nine hours first but it is all worth it, even if I do always throw up. + I waxed my legs today and gave myself a brazilian. Re-dyed my red hair. painted nails. elizabeth maintenance- check. + I've been eating Caesar salad for the last six days. I am not tired of it yet. It is also calming my food anxieties while still being enough food. + I'm

[blah blah]


My brain feels like it has flattened itself against the sides of my skull. I could scarcely be more uninspired and unsatisfied. Dear job, you suck- I am over you. The past four days have averaged 35 transactions in a ten hour period. I work eight of those hours. I am maybe seeing 20 customers a day and half of those people order drip. I am so bored. I finished my books. I have done everything on

[ovulating and such]


My script for my birth control ran out earlier this month. I've been taking Microgestin FE 1/20 for about a year. Before that Lo-Ovral, Ortho Tri-Cyclen Lo, Yasmin, and probably a couple other 'Lo' brands. I began taking birth control when I was 18. I don't remember the brand but I do know I was terrified of gaining weight. Instead I lost ten pounds and spent the two months I was taking it

[sometimes I feel like a Cathy comic- ack]


Saturday was mostly good. I woke up at noon and made breakfast to go with a french press of Stumptown. I spent a better part of the day putting together a jigsaw puzzle of a wolf and watching internet-tv. Around five I noticed how blustery it was outside and decided to go for a run through downtown. Everything was light and easy. I love how running without headphones in the rain feels like it

[Currents in May]


Currently:   considering dinner Current Album: Current TV Series: Current shame inducing guilty pleasure:hours a day, every day. Current Links:www. Current Drink: Current Fetish: Current Wish List:No more!so I can have James back Current Song: Current Triumph: Current Scent:Current Excitement: Current Mood:  



did you know that everything is going to be so beautiful and okay? sometimes I get swirlled up in the depression and manic meloncholly and I forget that I am no longer at where I was. That life is already beautiful and perfectly scented. I am so in love and this love is like honey and I'm going to be in school and eventually I'll have a career and enough money to not be stretched too thin. And



I have been sending one million resumes and personalized cover letters to one million employers. I have also met with the school advisor and planned my fall schedule. It is simple and includes just math, english, and yoga but I am excited, and scared, and a little worried but mostly excited! I am worried about being able to work enough without stressing myself out too much. We will see when we

[on a monday]


Flying off in three days time. I downloaded all 7 Audio Harry Potter's for the plane ride. I haven't flown in six years and I've never even been to the East coast. (Excitemnet!) James has most of our meals already figured out. The important things you know: Italian, french, sea food, pizza, chowder, breakfasts. We will both be well fed by Monday. There's a really good chance we're going to drive

[The Sea]


Over the last few weeks I've been turning over the idea of genuine connectivity. I am aware that I've been over using the word 'connected' in reference to James and myself. It fits though and it will probably continue as one of my favourite adjectives for us.When things were clearly at the point of being very very broken in my marriage, I was sort of seeing a therapist. She was big on taking home

[to do]


I have not been on top of things. Or, I have only been on top of some things. My 'to do' list grows every time I get a chance to cross something off. I am having the most difficult time mustering any energy. It is all talking myself into action. The bunnies have been really good the last week and even though they keep escaping their cage at night or while I'm at work, they aren't destroying

[four months]


I am feeling a little down today. I wish I was an airy floaty thing but my body is heavily refusing.James called me this morning to let me know that he'll be in Rhode Island for roughly four months. He is good at his job and everything is flooded and it's important.I want us to pour through summer together, touching everything. Sometime in August breaks my heart a little. It's because we are so



what I expected and spent and small amount of time worrying and crying over, was the past. Silly how our flesh remembers the indents and stress of everything before. When Tyler would leave,even just for work (12+hours), I would become frantic, desperate even. My head would spin and sometimes my stomach would knot itself in so much that I would vomit. Everything would be flashing and loud and



my insides are becoming a bit more complicated lately. just in the sense that they are not able to find a happy medium. a good balance. oh, that's all I really want.I am finding it easier to be awake when I am not taking so much of the seroquel but the in between is a bit more difficult. it's too obvious. plus all the samples are running running out and I am not sure what to do. I can't afford

[bunnies boobs and trips]


The bunnies are doing very well. Soft and playful. They are getting better and better about their litter box too. As long as I continue to be diligent with picking up stray poops and putting them in the box. I have to buy some bigger boxes for the living room because when they can't lounge in them they end up peeing on the floor. ack. Last night I played fetch with Parsnip for half an hour. She



This month has been a little strange. My head and body are confused, or something. Life continues to progress beautifully but I've started feeling anxious and depressed on a regular basis again. Not terrible but it feels like the beginnings of so many other times. When I'm alone my panic attacks are so unmanageable. My evenings are getting harder too. By the time I get home from work I'm sobbing

[bunnies bunnies bunnies]


James and I are now the proud parents of two sweet-soft mini rex's! Meet Beaumont Wilshire and Parsnip! oooh the photos that will be forced upon you in volumes...

[currents: March]


Currently: feeling it allCurrent Album:Current Film:Current shame-inducing guilty pleasure:the internet, so much.Current Links: Drink:&fresh juices and